₦airaland Forum

tearoses:
Dami I just got back from Naija
I still see the looks of shock on the faces of people who serve me in restaurants when I say thank you or I gather our plates up together after eating.
When I am served in the market, I still say thank you even though I am paying you my money. They are human too. Besides what does it cost to show appreciation. Maybe you will be the first person who has been nice to them all day.
Its really sad the way people of lower social class are treated like they are not human.
yet all these people were carried for 9 months like anyone else and they all have blood in their veins and feel pain just as everyone else. . . .and we will all go 6 feet under at the appointed time.
I believe one thing and that very rarely will you be paid back evil for good. There are house helps from hell, but most of thes time these house helps have been treated very badly in the past so they no longer have compassion.
Back in the day our house helps were "auntys" and God help us if any of them reports us to our parents for insolence.
Dami she you know that some people like doing follow follow and now they are all employing au pairs, but most of the ones I know of ends with fight. Why because they want the au pairs to do beyond what was agreed from the start.
I guess its a different mindset regarding labour in Naija. Driver fetches water for the house, madams police orderly carrys madams handbag in the market, students wash teachers clothes, secretary goes to buy amala for oga . . . . . all on the same salary.
It is well.

In our own wonderful jobs we stick to our job descriptions, if you are employed as a manager and your employer now asks you to be sweeping and cleaning the office they will rush to Nairaland and start a thread.

I have been shouting that a maid is different from a nanny, different from a cook, but we no go hear that one. Someone is counting less than 50k as one big investment on an "Ungrateful maid" that is registration and fees for a whole year oh meaning payment for all the services is about N4000 a month less than recharge card money or BlackBerry subscription yet the maid should be grateful else she won't "have a future"

People looking for cheap labour will keep dealing with these issues and even worse. What does a teenager know about caring for a baby? A nanny needs training, the right temperament and good working conditions: a nanny isn't a maid

tearoses:
I also note that the househelps school hours are shorter than the 2 year olds hours
Thats why she drops him off before going to school and picks him up when she finishes

I was a the hairdressers the other day and a woman bought her kid housegirl with her. kid was about 12.
When she was asked why the kid was not in school she said the kid was a dunce and failed and she was fed up of paying fees for nothing.
. . . . Of course she will not mention the fact that the kid probably only went to school for 2 days a week and never had any free time to do her school work or study for exams.
At least now she has an excuse not to send the kid to school anymore
Yet the womans kids are studying for their Masters abroad.
It is well.

Yes oh who cares if househelp has Dyslexia and needs help learning? No one oh, na olodo or " demon possessed"

tearoses:
You want to teach me English in your nland School abi
Lemme Laugh small

Back to point
I guess you also read that the girl has actually started going to the school, even though the Principal said the session officially starts in Jan
I wont bother going into why session starts in January and not September, but as I didnt go to school, I wouldnt know.

BTW . . . .

Lol, househelps school term is different from normal children's school calender

glossy6:
YES

Great then contact the poster, she needs a replacement househelp, she will be sent to school, be fed. Make the connection please. Nairaland is great isn't it?


Meanwhile, when we want to buy clothes or shoes we go for the best and ensure it fits and will last but when we want help for our kids we are willing to be as cheap and as crude as possible.

glossy6:
Pls go through my 1st post again. I responded to someone who suggested taking a smaller naive kid from the village and I gave my experiences with such indicating that bringing kids of that age brings more headache than relief. Most times they had not been doing that at home & making them adapt becomes tasking just as my kids would find it tasking. That is life.

The child in question is now 12 going to 13yrs and still cannot wash plates. I don't know what you call work outside her home. They are the same chores she will do at home. Wash plates and sweep the house. I bath my kids and dress them up for school, get breakfast ready for them and pack lunch for them including her. I wash the clothes and cook. I wash hers when I discover she may not have time for them. that doesn't make me a saint as I have my own faults.

The truth be toĺd kids these days are lazy. I had a running battle withmy daughter, now 14yrs who was reluctant to do house work because she is used to being served. Today she runs the home when she is at home. I rather be with my kids which i have insisted on after my last experience. You may end up training other people kids while yours cannot do the house chores if you are not careful.

To your question, yes. I started living with my brother at that age and you won't believe me, today I am eternally grateful to him. After God, he is the next.

Yes. It was tough because he is a no nonsense man. I took the lasses (both tongue & cane) but I came out better. I learnt all the chores in his house. I was washing his trousers and ironing them by the time I was 13yrs. I always tell my kids that I will send them there for training whenever they misbehave.

Today am an FCA and living well above poverty level.ū

It is a simple yes or no question will you send your child to be a maid in another persons home? Yes or no please

glossy6:
What is the definition of a maid by the way? A child that grows along with my kids can't be said to be a maid but a helper. My daughter of the same age does the same chores when she is back from school as a boarder and does them fairer. You mean she is not meant to wash dishes or sweep in her mother's house? Well, my girl of 5 wash the dishes. My 13yrs old do the laundry for me.
Saddled ke? Sweep, bath herself eat and go to school with my kids. Return from school, get food from d flask for her & my kids. They do harder stuff in their home without being equipped for school and it is not slavery. Maybe 4yrs go to creche and not school as you have read my post with a biased mind.
Am supposed to bath her abi? Well I don't bath my daughter of same age and she does her morning duties as a boarder in a public school.
I applaud your response. By the way, I was only telling the writer that getting kids that age are needless and not worth it. For ur info, I don't have issue with my husband. Put a 25yr old unclad lady in a locked room with him & he won't fall for it. He is a very decent man.
I don't keep girls her age. This is d 1st trial and its not worth it. If your 11yr now 12yrs not being able to wash plates is ok by you, so be it.

I apologise for bringing your husband into this, forgive me just that it's the excuse some women give.

However my point remains, simple yes or no answer: will you send your 11 year old to be a maid? Since you insist an 11 year old is mature enough to work outside her home

Sh0llypopz:
@Zurin, a 15 year old cannot give consent. Can someone please explain to this person how a 15 year old cannot be found guilty of child labor because she isn't capable of giving consent at her age??

For example: A 15 year old cannot give consent to a 25 year old man that sleeps with her. He will be charged with r*ape; his actions would be seen as forceful because she cannot give consent.

She is a child, not an adult. She clearly isn't emancipated from her parents, so she couldn't have given consent.

You keep referring to the op as her madam, that is very offensive. You are the last person to question anyone's morals.

My sister a lot of Nigerian women will argue with you till their last breath. They prefer this jankara move than hiring a professional.

I don't know why we refuse to see this as a real profession. Hire a real person and pay them well, state terms and conditions, respect each other. A maid is not your sister or your charity case, a maid is not your friend, she is there to do a job. Again differentiate between a maid and a nanny. I know what attention a child takes my maid has no business with my child she isn't a trained nanny, she does not know CPR, she doesn't know what to do when there is an emergency.

I hope more women will get wise and start doing the right thing.
I also understand the challenges of not getting a good trained adult maid, that is a serious gap. I am working on something like that. Security is another concern.

However these challenges doesn't mean we should subject children who should be in school to be in the labour market. These kids are not mentally prepared to do most of the things we demand from them.

glossy6:
Hmmmm. I laugh in Latin. last yr Oct, I brought an 11yr old naive girl from the village to help me at home. she bedwets and mop up the mess with the pillows.

I enrolled her in a private school close to my house where she was admitted in Basic 4. I bought textbooks for her & she started schooling immediately. But aside the bedwetting which has stopped after much coaching, she can't wash dishes clean enough even up to now. she sweeps the house using 2 hrs 30 mins on the average. At the end of the sweeping exercise, you will wish she never did.

She tell lies more than any human being living. I have been asking after her homework which she kept on saying she was not given. She will be idling away while my kids sweat it out doing loads of homework. I wasn't ready to confront the proprietress on this since I had confronted her when she was in Basic 4. I don't want to be seen as disliking her teachers. hers was the only school that admitted her in Basic 4, others went as low as basic 2.

About 5wks ago, I brought up the homework issue again and I sent someone to confirm from her classmate if they were not given homework and why?

2wks later the story remained same but she went to school to allege that house chores does not permit her to do homework. that she is being starved (she serves food to herself )......and lots of unprintable lies.

Conclusion: you hardly can find a good one. No matter what you do to them, you are not her biological mum and she can NEVER appreciate you.

Send your own 11 year old daughter to be a househelp then come back and tell us if your daughter was a " good one" to somebody.

An 11 year old child has no business being a househelp, she is a developing child who needs to learn and play not be saddled with your kids. Gosh, what is wrong with us? Stop this please. Hire a professional or get a creche, stop being penny wise and pound foolish not to talk of illegal, an 11 year old can barely take care of herself. If you are afraid of your husbands fidelity with an older girl then deal with your husband not make a child your maid abeg.

brainiac007:
Well, its not as if we don't want professional nannies but some of us just cannot afford their fee. Some charge as much as N35,000 per month. How much is my salary?

For me, I do most of the house chore, laundry and cook which I'm ok with. All I want her to do is when she gets back from school is to watch the kids when I'm not home and run little errands within the neighborhood.

Can you pay between 15-25k?

We need to recognise that this is a job. It should come with job description and good pay. You are trusting them with your home,safety security and kids.

dsquare33:
Some women are funny, you have been married for 17 years and your maid is 18 years, she is already a full grown woman, at that time everything is set in the right propoption. Yoruba parlance will say o ti ba laga. Na so Sarah with Abraham problem start, Some women just like courting trouble, why not employ a smaller girl or an older maid or nanny , whom the husband will not find attractive. She said they started dating when she travelled, too bad. Probably she is not the type that has time to take care of her family. Women, never leave your home to the care of a maid no matter how 'ugly' or 'unattractive' the maid is.

So instead of a grown man to control himself and respect his marriage the solution is to get an underaged maid to abuse. Okay since you are pro child maid please volunteer your own daughter to women who are afraid of adult maids. Let your own 10-13 year old go and work as a maid

I am so disappointed with this administration.
This Government came to power on the back of missing Chibok girls yet they turned around to lie to the families of Missing now confirmed dead DSS officers that they were not dead and they were talking with the Kidnappers




I remember when Officers were killed in Nassarawa during the Jonathan government, the government was honest open and the then DSS Director General ensured the family were settled and had closure.

Now there are also rumours of 105 Soldiers missing with conflicting statements from Chief of Army Staff and Chief of Defence.
Sadly the conspiracy of silence in the main stream media is worrisome.


This Government is more concerned about it's image and taking pictures than the truth.

Wow, please this needs to be on the front page, this administration is wicked oh. Haba, when DSS agents were killed in Nassarawa during Jonathans regime the administration was very open and honest and gave the family closure. How can you hide the death of your staff then go on business as usual travelling everywhere and lying to the families just because of politics.

This is so sad wowwwwwwwwww , very very low. You take a crude retired old man to head a forward moving institution this is what you get. What a shame

Mindfulness:
It is not my fault that some people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

I agree and the crux of my whole argument ; it's their own fault , why should a grown person refuse to take care of herself

Remi I am sorry about your experience, sadly this is the story of many Nigerian women because of a variety of factors :
Note I am not judging you, just helping you understand so you can avoid the same mistake next time


1. There is a difference between a maid and a nanny. Anybody can cook and clean but it takes special training and patience to care for a child, we need to start understanding that.

2. Avoid cheap labour: I insist we need to get professionals instead of this " let me pay school fees " arrangements

3. Poor training of these helps: even the ones who come from agents are not trained mostly you are left to start training them from scratch and it can get veru frustrating.


I am sorry you went through this bad experience but let me ask you and other women with this problem how much you are willing to pay for a properly trained, security checked Nanny or Maid. I am asking not as Judgement oh I am working on something ni

Did you teach her about Se-x and birth control or did you let her discover se-x on her own?

After the first one I expected that you will tell her about STDs teach her birth control but like most parents you assumed she would stay celibate.
I agree with your husband you are careless, everyone else gets to see your daughter is pregnant before you

Mindfulness:
Do you know if she has any other place to go? Will you be there for her when she leave's her husband's house? Will you offer her a shelter? Will you provide for her kids?
Do you know if the woman is used to domestic violence because she grew up witnessing it and believes that it is normal?
What if she is not psychologically sound?

Is she a child? Can she not take care of herself and her kids? Who offers shelter to widows and single mothers? Please let us stop making women out to be some helpless creatures who are incapable of taking care of their own selves

Poster; why do you want to get married?

Are you under pressure to marry and produce grandchildren?

Do you have a financially supportive spouse?

How do you intend to sponsor your masters?

Is there opportunity for growth where you work?

Marriage is very expensive, there is another post on this, be prepared don't be pressured it is by planning not by luck.

Anikishaya:
I tink marriage, don't turn yourself into a career woman o, there is time for everything, u can goan finish ur Msc at your husband's house. Don't forget to seek for God's directive.

Wow, seriously? With this mentality and your poor writing you will go and desperately grab one man then come back when he has no value for you as you have no value for your own self. A woman is not defined by her marital status, she is allowed to have goals and dreams

CuriousGuy1:
I am immensely pleased with your contributions. Its alot of thought provoking questions there.
I would ponder over dem

I am happy to be of help, I wish I could scream this from the roof top to young people. Finances are the major cause of post wedding fights, it's good to plan finances very very well.

You are smart you will do very well God helping

So sorry about your mother. I am proud of you guys for roughing it and making it on your own, am sure your mother will be proud tOo.
For your Aunt, leave her with her regrets, we reap what we sow

HaneefahRN:
I don't know what to call it. Stupidity?
I heard of a story tht almost made me puke, similar to this woman's.The man was very abusive but this woman's neighbours informed her mum. Apparently, her parents live far from the couple, but the mother travelled there, she met the man beating up his pregnant wife, when the mother tried to stop him, he beat her up wt the daughter. Both were later rushed to the hospital.
After recovery the silly woman insisted she was going back to her husband. I was like, is this love or madness?
I dnt knw why some women chose to overlook the warning signals or worse still hope he'll change. If as a fiance a man is already slapping u around and u still marry him, u are stupid.
Even if u were arguing and he raises up his hand to slap u, nt once nor twice even if he doesn't, or he has a quick temper and get's angry over unreasonable thns, be preparing to run for ur life.
Those children u claim to be staying for will live their life wt or wtout a mother. U're even doing them injustice cos the children will no doubt be affected psychologically watching their father beat their mother every day. Don't allow a beast deform or murder u. The Society sef will type RIP.

Don't mind them all they want is pity and endless whinning.
We will keep reading their stories on social media because they will never learn from other people's experience it must happen to them first then they come crying on papers and blogs just so other women will not marry him not even because of their own safety

andromida:
Women are too comfortable in the victim position. A man beats you all the time, you marry him, he kicks you daily while pregnant you suppress yourself finally he pulls off your ear with pliers and you make headlines then a family meeting is called to "warn" the man something that should be a police case with charges such as attempted murder is watered down to don't ever do this again and life continues.
Obviously the man is an animal but the woman stayed with an animal and in most cases it's not for the child it's for selfish reasons.

God bless you for this post. Most times even when they report the men they make it clear that they don't want action to be taken against the man or loose their homes they just want the man warned lightly.

I say if a woman wants to die from abuse Rest in peace to her, I am tired of all their lamenting on social media abeg. No one is holding a gun to her head to stay, if she doesn't love herself and care about her life why should I?

Confessng:
The prayer of most(some parents would rather not) parent is that their children should be greater than them.
A driver's daughter who became a Senator,if she writes a book I believe it will be an interesting read.

She is a great woman. The first Nigerian to represent 2 states; Kaduna and Adamawa. She won as a Christian non Indigene in Kaduna against an Indigience Islamic schoolar, she Represented Kaduna in the National Assembly 1999_2003 before the former Governor of Adamawa invited her back home to serve as a representative. Shw defeated the former Adamawa Governor to emerge Senator.

Buhari the Selfie President doing what his Does best snap photo. Buhari’s photographer is working. That is the only thing working in Nigeria now

An idoi-tic low self esteem desperado more off.

Infact a "wise" woman will be there to massage the husbands waist while he is making love to his babe on their bed, we don't want almighty " scarce" husband dislocating his waist.

Silly women will be consoling themselves with this absolute idiocy

Beyond paying bride price and having wedding these are my concerns :

Can you pay rent?
Can you pay for light water, fuel for generator and other utilities?
Do you plan to have kids immediately? Can you cater for kids needs ( believe me raising kids is very very expensive) most people pressuring you to have kids won't give you the true picture, even with exclusive breastfeeding you will spend a minimum of 20k every month on your child ; immunisation, diapers, soap and toiletries etc babies are expensive.

What is your wife's contribution towards all this?

My advice: don't be doing super man, sit with her and plan your life, plan your life not a wedding. People are getting wiser, have a parlour traditional just immediate family, have a court wedding and apply for church blessing during Sunday service. There will be much more room for celebration later. If you spend all the money on wedding people will eat and go and you will be left with debt and anger.

Share your plans and work together financially, it is not too early to start joint savings if you are both sure of loving each other. All those extra N1000, N2000 will amount to a lot if saved in 3 years.

Plan your life realistically, people who progress when they marry do so because of proper planning, don't build your future hoping on fate and destiny, do your part God will do the rest

Sadly I have tl break the news to you; you are not Jesus Christ even Jesus Christ can only offer salvation it is left for the individual to accept it
Remember that Jesus even died for the sins of people yet after giving his life people continued to sin disregarding his sacrifice.

What am I saying? You can't save or change him, only him can make that decision

All I can advice you to do is to develop some level of self esteem. Your husband is disrespectful to you and your marriage vows and till he decides you are worthy of some respect there is nothing you can do except respect yourself. If you don’t respect and value yourself to know you deserve a respectful faithful relationship then no one else will respect you. If you are team " every man cheats " hold on the crew will be here soon to give you coping advice, meanwhile stay safe from STDS, your kids deserve better

Smh; this is where Nigerian families get it wrong. Your parents are divorced not you and your sibblings,it's very sad that they have to drag you kids into their issues. Do well for the sake if doing well and not because you are competing with your own sibblings.

Your mother is telling you her own his own mother is telling him her own, meanwhile he hasn't offended you in anyway but instead of you sibblings to unite and cheer each other you are busy competing very sad.

This doesn't end well mostly, leave your brother alone ( not step brother) he is doing things at his own pace, pressure to do better than his brother won't end well.

As for your step brother wish him well, you And him are not quarrelling remember that, your parents are

Nigerians can be so religious yet so dishonest. I am worried that faking a marriage for Visa doesn't seem like a big deal anymore.
I would be more concerned about the kind of character that means the end justifies the means even if it means doing something wrong and illegal.

It is a very big deal, she tried to twist the system and she is trying to twist you. She has a huge character flaw; she can do anything to get what she wants which is worrisome

EfemenaXY:
Be objective.

She must have listened to "extremely disgusting" advice in the first place to get to this point. Think about it, she got pregnant shortly after marriage but the abuse started even before the pregnancy. So it most likely began well before they got married. The signs were there but she clutched on. Why she did is another topic of discussion. Point is, she knew what his tendencies were but was "hoping he'll change".

Is she a kid? At what point should common sense have kicked in? I'm sorry but I strongly believe she brought this on herself.

I totally agree with this, go on blogs and see women seeking for how to change their partners in bad relationships, if you tell them to leave they will say leaving is not easy they want to " change and cope". So I really find it hard to feel sorry for them when they end up in these situations.

EfemenaXY:
Are you saying there's support out there for victims (females) of domestic abuse?
Did the police help her? Would her religious representative help her? You think her parents didn't know she was going through this and yet she remained rooted to the spot?
Pls let's be real and face the ugly truth. She had no support structure in place. She knew it. The man most definitely knew it too, hence him taking so much liberties with her.

Am saying she should help herself she is an adult not a helpless baby

alterswerve:
True. Misery loves company
What the lady posted was educative.. Good.
But telling prospective wives that all men will cheat gives them a faulty psychological mindset and it paints all men promiscuous, which isn't right.
That is what i'm just against. Because these ladies will read it and go into marriage, subconsciously waiting for their spouse to cheat and then for them to practise what they read from that post
If you've read James Allen's As A Man Thinketh, he proves with faultless laws that what a man thinks comes to him

They already go in expecting to be disrespected. Anyway each to their own, this is tiresome jare

EfemenaXY:
Think about it.

She'll be ostracized from her local women's group / meetings. Her presence alone there would be the source of hot gossip and an example of what a good woman shouldn't be. Her married friends will suddenly be cagey towards her. Wouldn't want to have anything to do with her and certainly won't want her visiting their matrimonial home as her single status suddenly makes her a potential "husband snatcher".

Landlords won't want to rent their property to her as they'll see her as a trouble maker. Unscrupulous male bosses / co-workers will see her as fair game to chase. The list goes on...all because she didn't endure right through to the very end like a good wife.

I find this a little exaggerated.

She doesn't need these groups or " friends " if they would rather see her dead or in pain and misery. She didn't come into the world with groups or friends.

Landlords I doubt , I know loads of women single, divorced, single moms who rent apartments, that theory is outdated, most landlords just want you to pay up on time and not destroy their property.

Any woman even married women are fair game to men, it is up to you to say No if you are not interested. A woman isn't a helpless choiceless thingy

EfemenaXY:
If she walks away, she would be tagged a "failure" of a woman who couldn't keep her home together. Your average Nigerian society is unforgiving and unsupportive of the plight of women who walk away from their husbands, despite their lives being at risk.

Well the society is not the one with a chopped ear. Anyway let her stay for society, she may need the nose to be chopped off too so the look can be balanced.
I no get power abeg, women should stop hiding behind " My kids, The society"

alterswerve:
Shiii... I know wah i'm saying.. I friggin know wah i'm saying bout the emboldened. 'Erryman got potential to cheat' is a different statement from 'every man will cheat'.

Meanwhile, it takes a lot for anyone, man, woman, pastor, imam, babalawo, not to cheat.

I still maintain my stand. She should take back that statement.

Misery loves company. Instead of owning their bad behaviour people prefer to drag others into their dirt.