₦airaland Forum

I think this is a fake story to attract people to the Writers blog. No man can be this stupid.

" I don't know what happened " indeed

tearoses:
I didn't want to comment on this thread earlier but just had to
Please hold on to that man well. He is a gem
There is nothing wrong with him, He is doing what he is supposed to do.
Did you expect him to yell at you because you returned late?
He is only treating you like the Queen that you are.
Treat him the same too.
The kids and I always come first too and my husband will do anything for us even if it inconveniences him.
Thats service in marriage.
reciprocate, and it balances out and everyone is happy.
You have a very good man there.
Dont listen to the busy body gossips at the salon who are secretly praying for a man to even notice their new hairstyle, talk less of sitting and chatting with them at the salon. I sometimes go to the barbers with my hubby . . .Kini big deal. I enjoy his presence round me and I even tell the barber how I like his beard shaped
Shebi na my husband.
Pls relax babes and enjoy your man.

We are so used to sob stories that a good man treating his wife well becomes abnormality and a topic for gossip.

I really wished he married an equally innocent pure person so they could appreciate each other

My own husband will come out in the rain soaking wet and open the gate for me and bring me an umbrella so I won't get wet but he will be soaking wet
He doesn't shout at me
He spends all his free time with his family
He goes with me to the salon
We have a joint account and I also have his ATM pins for his other accounts
Some days I am too lazy and he cooks or buys us food to eat
He wants to make love to me all the time
Maybe I should seek divorce lol.

Mindfulness:
Don't tell me you don't know the difference between a loving and caring person and a clingy and suffocating one.

She only brought the clingy addition after she had been washed. Her initial complain was that he doesn't shout on her and he gives her too much attention not to mention wanting to have sex with his own wife which she refuses for weeks.

She also hates that he trusts her and respects her rights. That was her initial post and her concern is what neighbours and salon women say about her husband

Rukemi291:
What of a situation that death claims d breadwinner? Is it still the parents' fault?

.
Death can happen to any of us and death preceeded by long term sickness can drain finances. People and relatives should not take advantage of such kids, You can sponsor a child without demanding services back after all foreigners send money to educate and feed African kids without demanding services from them how much more we who are meant to be our brothers and sisters keepers

bukatyne:
This is a description of a typical 'Nigerian' wife not capable of respecting a husband who loves her.

She is his first love with no previous experience of hurt So He is still pure

The story began to bend when she said He welcomed her with water from traffic instead of shouting like a normal husband I don't know How she jammed this 'abnormal husband'; they are certainly not in the same class.

She even denied him sex for weeks and mismanaged his money because....

She cannot respect him because she is not wired to respect gentle guys.

I pray she gets What she is looking for.

Cc: cococandy & babygirlfl

Thank you, she wants to stay in salon with women with cheating husbands and have something to lament about. She is a total annoying silly woman.

He was watching TV she said she wanted another channel he respected her wish it is now a crime he should have sent her back to the kitchen with insults. Silly woman I am so upset

Whynotthetruth:
Are you looking for public approval or what?...Maybe when you meet the bossy type like me, you will know why buhari is a scam

j

The ungrateful woman is concerned about public approval please divorce him and marry an abusive man who doesn't care about you so you can please the society more

This is why love and submission go together, a submissive woman won't take the love of her husband for granted.
You are so used to bad men and hearing stupid stories that a man who decided to save himself and be a good loving husband is now annoying to you.

Don't worry I am sure by the time he starts cheating on you and being disrespectful then you will happily come and lament like your mates.

If you had sense you would respect his love.
If you are tired explain gently to him that you are tired why would you refuse him sex for weeks?
If you had sense you would respect him giving you his atm and not spend like a silly woman
If you had sense you will respect his trust not look for him to slap you for coming home late

You are the one with issues, please divorce him so he won't be turn into a monster to satisfy you.

It is frustrated salon women whose husbands are busy drinking and womanising who are your role models silly woman , very annoying

glossy6:
Lol. Far from that as she is home bound after this term. My colleague pays her nanny N20k and that is fair to me. Another pays her maid 15k, that is o.k. too. I didn't answer because I want to stay with my kids from now on. We can do the chores together. No big deal.

Laws have loopholes that is why lawyers exploit them. Everything is not sacrosanct. I was only telling you that biological parents are guilty too is you will agree with me.

Okay to the amount.

Yes the parents are 70% responsible then those who take advantage of the kids 30% responsible. Why produce kids you can't care for then those who will look at a helpless child and decide to use that helplessness to their advantage.

In all this it is the child that suffers because no one has the best interest of the child at heart because all of them are using the child for their selfish needs

You can beat a child shout at him, belittle him, disgrace him in public yet you cannot show him any love or emotional hence we have so many aggressive, emotionally repressed men around who equate s-ex with love because they have not known emotions being expressed as a form of love


Parents also will fight make their kids referees abuse each other use the kids to hurt each yet they can not hug or kiss in the presence of the kids because they feel it will " spoil " them. What we do is teach the kids that marriage is only about fighting and no love and emotions hence they will also transfer same aggression to relationships.

We need to show our kids especially the boys more positive emotions fathers please so the mothers can stop turning them into mini husbands. Fathers teach your son to be an emotionally balanced man biko

glossy6:
I concur. Am also pointing out aspects of the law that said a child must not hawk, be used in alms etc. The law does not isolate issues entirely but considered in full.

children are not to be found hawkon main city streets, brothels or highways10 1 These include street trading, domestic servitude et

glossy6:
Please refer to sub section 1a and S5. Now don't judge me. The law knows that our niece's and nephews and even younger cousins can assist us, hence that provision.
If there are other interpretations, do let us know.
See also S 7,9 & 10 and interpret. Lawyers in the house over to you.
It is getting more interesting.

I asked you pages ago how much you are willing to pay for a professional nanny you didn't respond instead you are looking for loopholes in the child's right law to exploit

glossy6:
Did you see sub section 1 (a)? Most times it is kids from extended family that plays that role.

Now don't judge me. The law knows that our niece's and nephews and even younger cousins can assist us. We are reading the law "as is".

If there is any other interpretation to the aforementioned sub sections, please enlighten us.

Hmmmmmm I am done, the law is clear about domestic servitude if however you feel you can with a clear conscience keep defending depriving another persons child of a childhood then enjoy.

When men are justifying abusing women now I can understand seeing how far we can go to wriggle our way out of illegality just so we can continue doing what we feel is right for us

kovak:
You're wrong you know.
I lead my family in practical terms. And I am firm with kids. But my emphasy is on negative words on kids.

No oh negative words are not allowed or acceptable abeg.

I get you now, I advice that you stop cautioning her in the presence of the kids instead do some research on Google, then copy the main points either send her an email or sit with her and share it.
Just Google effects on negative words on Children, we accept correction faster when we read from authority that what we are currently doing is bad

babygirlfl:
I believe most Nigerians are Religious but not Godly or God fearing. While adults are expected to follow the law, until it is enforced, most people won't take it serious. Also people could be ignorant of the law expecially as the law is just over a decade old.

No mind me jare I was being sarcastic. We Nigerians are special people until you force us like animals to obey laws we ignore them.

Traffic laws are the easiest yet go out on Sundays that is when most traffic lights are disregarded because people are rushing to church to "worship God" they don't know obeying the law, staying on the right lanes is an act of absolute worship because you are putting the needs of other road users ahead of your own selfishness.

See how Latsma treats people that is what it takes to enforce laws in Nigeria.

Hopefully if this Government is wise they could make a lot of money from enforcing these laws by fining Defaulters huge sums of money maybe then it will stop

kovak:
I actively train my kids o. And I give them discipline. But at their age, kids are hyperactive and are prone to be careless. I understand this and as such, I don't think one should be critical about everything they do or don't do.

I respectfully disagree Sir, Kids that age are not prone to be careless. Infact at that age they are mature enough to start helping care for the house.

I have two boys about that age so I know. They have never broken any of my ornaments or misplaced it because right from when they were crawling I made it clear that those places were off limits.

Kids are smarter than we give them credit for, they size you, they study you and they know which of the parents is easier to manipulate and work you.

At that age they should be helping to keep the house clean and not scatter it.

They should have their space to play and jump but they should respect boundaries and not be so careless around the house. They should even have their own roles and task to keep them occupied.

Sorry Sir, just my opinion.

babygirlfl:
Thanks for the information. I am glad our law does not allow child labour. I just hope enforcement is carried out.

We are "God fearing" people nah, must we wait for enforcement before we respect the law?

glossy6:
That is what am saying, if my kids do the chores, it's not child labour but if she does it in another person's house it is child labour.. If she does it in their house it is normal but in another person's house then it's child labour. Well taken and understood.

foregoing laws. The relevant provisions are found in Sections, 28, 29 and 30. Under Section 28(1), no child shall: (a) Be subjected to any forced or exploitative labour he shall not be employed to work in any capacity except where he is employed by a member of his family on light work of an agricultural, horticultural or domestic character4 He shall also not be required in any case to lift, carry or move anything so heavy as to likely to adversely affect his physical, mental, spiritual or social development5 Moreover, it is unlawful under the Act to employ a child as a domestic help outside his own home or family environment6. The prohibition extends to not allowing a child to work in an industrial undertaking7 or be used for the purpose of begging for alms, guiding beggars, prostitution and domestic or sexual labour8. No child shall be used as a slave or for practice similar to slavery such as debt bondage, serfdom or forced or compulsory labour of any kind.9 Consequently, children are not to be found hawking on main city streets, brothels or highways10 1 These include street trading, domestic servitude etc. 2 Cap L1, Laws of the Federation of Nigeria, 2004 3 The Act was enacted in 2003. 4 Section 28 (1)(b). 5 Section 28(1)(c). 6 Section 28 (1) (d). 7 Section 30 (2) 8 Section 30 (2) (a) 9 Section 30 (2) (b) 10 Section 30 (2) (c

glossy6:
That is what am saying, if my kids do the chores, it's not child labour but if she does it in another person's house it is child labour.. If she does it in their house it is normal but in another person's house then it's child labour. Well taken and understood.

ThYour child can do chores at your home but she cannot be engaged to do so by a third party for commercial purposes this is because a child cannot enter a legally binding contract with you to work for you and seek favorable terms and conditions of employment.

The law is there to protect the best interest of the child because even though you say you are fair to the child not everyone who engages these kids are fair to them and sadly the unfair population are in majority.

Besides a child is not psychologically mature enough to leave their own home and go and take care of another persons home and be deprived of love, empathy and the allowance to make mistakes, play and grow like children should do.

I am tired, the law may be slow but it will soon catch up with defaulters

For a government that rose to power on the back of missing Chibok girls this is certainly sad and disappointing

damiso:
I don't even have anything against having maids as long as they are not under age. Just don't understand why some people feel its not POSSIBLE not to.

I also think there should be a job description. If you need help with chores get a maid, if you need childcare get a nanny all this mixing and matching sometimes means that the employee is over worked.

I don't get why people are mixing paying for a service and teaching your children chores. Or getting someone to 'help' with adoption.

Oh well each to his own.

It is tiring my sister. If you talk they start listing all they do and have done for this child.

When we say some actions men take are abusive and start listing the abusive things men do, we will all be united but when we are faced with our own abuse of others because of their own disadvantaged situations then you hear justification and all sorts of Defence.

Because it is common doesn't make it right
Because you buy her clothes doesn't make it right
Because she does the same at her own home doesn't make it right.

A child cannot legally take up employment that is what the law says.
It is well, I am tired.

damiso:
Depends on what caused the disagreement.

Sometimes we talk or text each other about it if its something serious.

And for less serious issues ' you want to drink baileys' LOL and my shakara response is always ' NO' LOL.

I would fall for the " have you eaten " gist before but now I hold out more and wait for " let me take you out for dinner or lunch "

damiso:
I miss the bolded a lot.LOL One of the reasons why I rarely do braids. But that has been handled now sha as there are now braid wigs.LOL
I also miss Obioma or what my mum used to call ejika ni shop.. I might have to get a whole new wardrobe when all my wardrobe could have been amended for about N5,000( less than £20) chai.
You and tearoses have made fair points about the difference in environment. But you know something I have noticed among some of Us(our generation) or maybe its among people I know sha so don't let me generalise. Some people believe that its NOT POSSIBLE to have lil kids without domestic help.
Some of my friends act like they would die if they did not have a maid. Just this weekend I was talking to one on the phone and she kept saying 'you are a strong woman o I cant even imagine not having a maid' This was because she heard me doing referee between my daughter and son. LOL My answer was 'you would cope if I can anyone can' . The ones who come on holiday that cant afford to come with their maids moan all through at the prospect of dealing with their own children 24/7. Don't get me wrong me sef I snap ( I know you don't believe me LOL) and get grouchy when my kids bickering reaches another level but its not something that fazes me like it fazes them. And cos we are together a lot , 'the look' is enough to keep them straight( my kids that is ).
I acknowledge that life in Naija( lagos esp with traffic and all) can be stressful but I cant understand the concept of dealing with your own children by your self being seen as drudgery and a chore.
Ordinary changing diaper or washing plates themselves is a big issue. All you hear is' you people are trying o' ' that's why me I cant live in this UK someone will just be doing everything yourself '. Changing diaper nitori oloun.I remember when I went to Nigeria with my daughter as a baby and she needed changing, me I had brought out my changing bag and my friend said ' what are you doing let me call my help to come and change her' help that we just sent to get something nitori oloun ??
I am big a big believer in buying comfort with your money and delegating so you don't get burnt out but the mentality that you cant survive without live in domestic help is just so ingrained in some people. When I say it just needs planning they look at me like I am crazy LOL.
The environment point might be in play here abit sha as most(not all) of the men here are more hands on. Maybe the men are not more hands on as well cos they feel there is help.

Sadly true.
I am told I am wasting money for not having a live in maid and for not turning my maid into a nanny
She cleans that is it I still pay for child care so they look at me like I am silly. People are always nagging me to get a live in but I don't understand why I need someone to wait on me 24 hours, when I am home I can handle my own house and even though hubby's job is super demanding he is very hands on.

I cannot leave my kids with an untrained nanny, it's a risk too much. If I don't spend money on child care is it on shoes and bags I will spend money?

By now it is clear to most of us ( except the blind followers) that the reason why President Buhari so desperately wanted to be President is not because he loves Nigeria so much or because he has the nations interest at heart.

It is not because he has the solution to our problems or because he has an idea what to even do with our problems. Took him 6 months to form a cabinet of old friends and buddies not the saints and technocrats he promised.

Anyway the real reason he contested for presidency 4 times till he won was because he wanted to take pictures and travel round the world for free.

I hear he is travelling again in a few days.

No be small change.

Well said Guys, so all your mothers are liabilities. Kudos.

When you think of something shitty to say about women text it to your mothers.

It seems you leave all the disciplining of the kids to her then undermine her when she is doing it.

Kids need some kind of structure and discipline, I understand you have different mentality towards child rearing, you guys should have sorted this out before getting married.

You are both two extremes, she likes structure you like a carefree unrestricted environment. Parents should join forces and raise kids not divide and rule.

You want to be the kids favorite and you leave her to deal with tantrums and public melt downs. I am sure she spends more time with the kids and their noise and hyper activeness can get upsetting.

My advice work more with your wife and reason together, give them some structure and also some freedom. Let there be rules, there should be places where they can play and places where they cant.
They should be rules on what they can touch and what they cant.

They should also learn not to touch everything and stick to their toys.

Stop making your wife the bad guy. When they go and start misbehaving in public it's the mother who gets the bad stares

I just saw this meme online and it made me laugh so hard because it is so so true.

How do you make up with your spouse after a needless quarel?

Do you simply say " I am sorry" or do you just carry on as usual.

I know a lot of men will text you "Have you eaten?" as a way of saying sorry and starting a conversation.

Some will buy a gift, some will buy suya or chicken as a sign of peace
How do you apologise to your spouse?

glossy6:
Points has been made and lessons learnt on this issue. Inasmuch as I don't want to prolong issues on this thread, I want more clarification on this "professional nanny" of a thing.
Please what make them professional? Do they undergo training as done in the US? How can we engage them? Pls don't tell me OLX.
I need to know and maybe one or two people here. Genuine info & not usual NL bashing.

I am working on something though still at market survey level. Very thorough training including first aid, psychological checks and security check for Nannies and Maids. Something affordable too and fair for the workers involved. Including certification

Quick question though: how much would you be willing to pay monthly for a good Nanny or Maid?

favoredgal:
@rukemi wow

Thank God she dint leave with your pikin

My first help stayed 9 months, I let her go cuz I was going back to work and wanted a live in

Hmm, series of bad luck, one even stole from me, the second was so damn loud I couldn't hear word in my house

The third her family wanted to be collecting her money- I'm not into baboon they work, monkey dey chop

But all in all I NEVER leave my child with my help o! Never

Their work is to clean not to take care of my child

I drop both nanny and pikin with my mom on my way to work and pick up on my way back.

My principle is 'if I can't trust you with my ATM card and pin and trust u won't defraud me, I will never trust u alone with my child o

This............

A maid is different from a nanny, we are being penny wise an pound foolish most of the time. What is more precious than the kids we bring to life? Yet we insist on cheap labour mostly unsatisfactory to the supposed care giver to care for our kids.
If they steal your food, money or even household items it can be replaced but God forbid if in carelessness they harm or even kill you child they may go to jail but your child cannot be replaced.

Poster if you don't learn anything from all the "Nonsense" we have said please learn that a maid isn't a trained Nanny

soonest:
The way you mention slavery seems you know one or two about it. You are only concerned about your own growth why not the company that sent you for training too. Or you must be the one benefiting in any alliance you find yourself

Yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

soonest:
@ eketem, Clap for your self for cheating your boss. Where are your morals? No wonder some of these cooperate bodies make their staff sign bonds to stay for a certain number of years before sending them for costly training. When you are the one at cheating/receiving end is fair abi? If he made you sign a bond, you cry blue murder. Abegggiiiiii

lol I don't know the kind of organisations you have worked probably slavery promoting ones, the highest that any organisation can expect is some notice and forfeting one months salary. It's a contract and not by force. People grow people move only witchcraft will want one to stagnate

soonest:
Quote me properly if you are referring to me. Yes less than 50k. Did i pick d money. Can her parents afford the 50k sch. School fees in your village is per session and not per term abi? Help me calculate her feeding, clothing, housing and needs. Did i get my investment worth? She didn't stay up to 4weeks. her parents kept calling me to have her back why? Yes i expect gratitude because she had a better deal with me than where she was coming from.
Madam/Oga benefactor, take care of all these maids so that their parents don't have to send them out. Case closed. Thank you

Sorry you bought a slave and didn't get your values worth.
You refer to investment like she is a thing or good. It is well, I blame the parents who bring these kids into the world without planning to suffer such indignity .

I once got a job, they sent me for training running into millions, less than a month after I got a better offer yet when I told my boss he was happy for me because he said it was a good opportunity for me to grow. He didn't make me a mere investment from whom he had not recovered any gain. May God save us from poverty and such indignity

damiso:
It is always easy to say other people's kids are dull or not academically inclined( especially less privildged children). Meanwhile same person who said house help is a dunce wont mind paying to 'work' special jamb centre for their own child as if a child you need to 'work' Jamb centre for is academically inclined.

All this issues also stem from the fact that nannies/maids/cleaners/security men/ drivers are not seen as human beings. So ordinary just giving them the basic fair working conditions is termed as being 'nice'. There is also no clear job description so its 'rude' if your driver decides that sweeping the compound is not part of his job description( note I am not saying people don't go over and beyond in their jobs my point it should be appreciated, rewarded and not taken for granted).

My sons nursery charges an arm and a leg and if he has an accident i.e. wets himself na so they will change him and pack all his p.oo filled clothes in a bag for me to handle when I get home,. That's cos I pay for them childcare and not for cleaning up his clothes.

Its an African thing. I know some people who are having issues with eastern European Au pairs who refuse to do anything after their working hours.

Job description only applies to us with our posh jobs, it doesn't apply to the lowly among us