₦airaland Forum

@ militia

wetin you talk? judge judy?? na lie. next thing you go say jerry springer.

@ MILITIA

O girl how na? long time, how body? . But na wah for you O! You no even say make you remain some yab for me.

@ topic

If dem use this story act Nigerian film, E no go sell. Even HINTS no go publish this story. E no even qualify as stories that touch. The story too fake. How/ wetin make your husband {Nigerian man} go cut ehn blockus or penis (vasectomy). Na say the thing been too heavy or wetin?? And person enta room were you dey sleep for night, light no dey (as na village), wan hammer you, you no shout (thief or armed robber), you no lock door as you enta room, you no even fit carry the lantern knack am for head run. You just tanda for bed the guy dey pump you. What if to say your husband or ehn mama come catch una, wetin you for talk? If you know say you phock your husband brother tell us but no talk say na rape.

O girl make you no ever use Naija people play like this again O! Which kind tales by moonlight be this. Abi you think say na small pikins full nairaland?? take time o.

@ topic

Make una use bleach wash una mouth o!! my hand no dey inside this talk o! I know say the man dey do some kind miracles wey dey make me fear but the one of say ehn be man of devil, na you sabi.

Nigerian Police?? Na wah O! Which one we go talk which one we go leave??

First encounter. I was 15 when armed robbers visited us. They cleaned us out and left. Thank God there was no casualties. The next day I went with my dad to the police station to report the case. The policeman simply told us to write a statement and leave. Just that. We got pissed and left the station to go count our losses. Outside the station, an officer approached us and told us that for 10000naira, they would investigate the matter. We paid the man and in one week, they apprehended all the robbers. We couldn't believe it.

I was driving home one afternoon when I approached a police checkpoint.

Policeman; Hold it. Clear for corner there.
I pulled over.
Policeman; How na.
Esss; I'm fine thank you
Policeman; How body
Esss; Fine thank you
Policeman; How things?
Esss; Fine thank you
Policeman; Come out. Come open your bonnet. Where your drivers license, car particulars, insurance, fire extinguisher, spare tyre, caution sign, police clearance, import duty.
I handed him my car particulars, drivers license, police clearance and insurance, showed him the caution sign and extinguisher in the trunk, told him the spare tire was under the car.
Policeman; where the import duty
Esss; Its non of your buisiness
Policeman; You dey crase?? oya siddon for ground.
Esss; why should I?
before I could say import, I had recived three hot slaps and he had hit me with the base of his gun.

It was when I started screaming that the car belonged to a lawyer that they left me got into their car and drove off.


A friend of mine was told to sit on the floor on a sunday morning with his church dress. His offense was that he was playing his car radio while the police was talking to him.


One Night I and some friends were driving back from the club, when we encountered a police checkpoint. Unknown to me two of the guys in the car had dope on them. They searched us, found the dope and told us to kneel down on the side of the road. After about 3 hours of checkpoint duty, at about 5am, they told us to wrap the weed, my friend did, and we all sat there smoked the shit and they let us go.


Mopol almost beat a teenager to death for shooting knockout (Fireworks).


Should I continue??

Hmmm!! I'm still not convinced.

1. The collaspe; The buildings were impacted at an angle. let us believe that the entire pillars, beams and other supporting features on the impacted side were totally destroyed, then the collaspe should have tilted in one direction rather cave into itself.
2. The speed of collaspe; The buildings both crumbled at an alarming speed. It looked as if there was no resistance whatsoever by the pillars or beams (weakened or not). Those buildings were designed to withstand earth tremors/earthquakes of about magnetude 6 - 8 ricther scale. Sesmic reports have shown some strange waves were emitted proir to the collaspe of the buildings. The impact of the plane was not enough to totally compromise the structure of that building.

http://911review.com/errors/wtc/seismic.html

3. The steel; I think we should all remove the idea of "heat melting the steel" from our arguements, because it holds no water. Most of the jet fuel burnt out on impact which eliminates it as the source of the heat. So were is the origin of this heat?? Abi na ozone layer??

4. Building 7; Please explain that one?

I like that word "could", but lets examine the structures of the twin towers. The building collapsed into itself. This a building that was constructed with the finest grade of steel which melts at a much higher degree than the aviation fuel (jet A1) could have produced. Looking at the pictures again, you will see that most, if no all of the jet fuel burnt out upon impact.

I agree that because the building was impacted by a plane, forces would have travelled in all/different directions around the building, but for the buildings to both collapse like a pack of cards is still unexplainable. atleast a reasonanle amount of floors should have remained standing. The structural integrity of such a building was was destroyed too cheaply by an incident like a plane flying into it. Even a controlled explosion couldnt have produced a finer destruction.

Conspiracy theory or not, there is something we just aren't seeing.

Momemtum and impulse dont cut it. Those buildings were designed to withstand earthquakes and tremors of up .8 ricther scale. I believe there is more to 911 than we are being told.

This is the problem with religion in general. Every religion has its ups and downs. Muslims flying planes into buildings, setting themselves ablaze, "sharia"ing themselves, e.t.c. Christians gathering themselves together in a room and poisoning themselves, selling off their properties in anticipation of the second coming of Jesus, e.t.c, Juju/idol worshipers sacrificing animals and humans to appease a deity, subjecting themselves to inhuman conditions/treatments in a bid to be favored by the gods e.t.c.

If islam should be eradicated, then so should all other religions.

Why should he play for those loosers?? Instead he should play for enyimba

Now most of yall have said it right.

Church is something that I am still trying to come to terms with. These Pastors sit in their houses from dusk till dawn, call an assembly, preach, collect your money and go back to their houses. Christianity has got nothing to do with africans. Even the isreali/jewish people that should own the religion dont even carry/practice it the way africans do. We now have churches where they wear uniforms to church (white garments/camouflage), Crusades and miracle bonanza services are held every months, and people are being psyched into giving their Pastors all their hard earned possessions with the peomise that God will give them more than they have given.
Pastors who have no jobs are now rich enough to build big universities (that their congregation cannot afford to send their kids to), buy the latest and most expensive cars (with customized license plates), Fly abroad on first class tickets when ever they fill like, run for presidency, buy properties all over (both home and abroad) e.t.c. .

And women fall prey to these things more because most of them have no jobs and are so gullible. Most are sit at home mums who use church to preoccupy themselves and gossip. Men/women who work hard for their money all week long dont have time to go sit down in a place for someone to tell them a bunch of crap that will not get them money (rather it will cost them money). Most women believe that they need a pastor to solve all their problems (physical and otherwise). If a child is sick, go to the church, If you want money, go to church (and pray for money), If you want to buy a car (pray to God), everything has a spiritual angle.
look at the percentage of workers in the churches today, compare the female:male ratio and it will explain alot. Men are too busy to be bothered by church. we rather sit back drink beer and discuss about were our next cheque will be coming from.

This is how my own will go

BIMBO; Esss I'm pregnant
Esss; Thank God O!
BIMBO; Thank God for wat?? I said I was pregnant
Esss; Thank God for blessing you with the fruit of the womb. So who sowed the seed??
BIMBO; What kind of question is that?? It is you now
Esss;_Tufiakwa!! What?? Me?? When?? How?? You are not well O!??
BIMBO; Esss I thought you loved me
Esss; God punish you. After you have finish sharing your cake with everybody you want me to wash the pan abi?. lie lie
Bimbo; _sobbing Esss why?? I didnt know you were like this
Esss; Infact Bimbo, leave mt house. When you give birth, we can either use DNA to determine the father or use raffle draw. Until then I no wan see you again O! bye bye.


There you have it.

Why I go die am??

I can only die for either my family/kids (excluding my mumsy), or myself. My wife, girlfriends, e.t.c are on their own.

What do I miss about my city??

Lets start from the people in that city. My Uniport peeps, UST peeps, Odili police, Gibsco Bread, Town (borokiri) suya, Nightbox and bootleggers, My home boys all around (from Obi igbo-artillery, to airforce, to boricamp, all the way to fly-over, mile one, mile 3, Agip, rumuokwuta, rumuigbo to rumuokoro, not forgetting my Amadi flat peeps, Gov. house area peeps, e.t.c

I miss Happy Bites, Mr Biggs (leventis), Kingfishers e.t.c.

I miss p-town.

Big up to all my PHC (Purple haze city) peoples. This is your boi Esss, Trans Amadi Gardens _{(but I'm presently in paris).}

Islander, you picked a wrong day and time O.k.

Islander:
How dare u forgot my birthday?

nana:
Is that an error?

Islander:
WTF, and if it is, what does that have to do with you?

What did the thread ask?
Well that's exactly what the text message said asswax,

nana:
I don't know why u found it hard to answer a simple question, it's all good

There is about to be a girlfight. _{(sits and grabs a popcorn)}

software:
Lpool is OK but can't be compared with the present CHELSEA OF TODAY.

If thats it, then u must be mistaken, Chelsea is the most balanced club presenlty, put my words straight into ya brains,

Chelsea for life,

Thanks for the compliment, but I'm sorry I still think Chelsea is full of shit. Man U is OK, but Chelsea and Arsenal are both crappy. Yes you might feel your team is balanced but I Know we are the best in the English Premiership, And we (LIVERPOOL) are winning a Treble this coming season. download and install this info into your brain. Your software is outdated, U heard!

Well you can console yourself with the fact that you guys _(chelsea) are better than Arsenal.


LIVERPOOL for LIFE (In peace or war).

@ Software

Which Kind software you be sef?? You should be the one shining your eyes because chelsea is going to go the way of arsenal next season. . Check cos I think your software has a virus.



LIVERPOOL. Till the very end

Somebody help me O!!

DOCTOR!! PASTOR!! NATIVE DOCTOR!! EXORCISTS!! DIBIA!! help O!

Tafari is on the loose. HELP!

The poll is not fair. Most preachers are not there. Now this is my list according to their special powers;

Pastor Chris Oyakilome; Miracle Powers
T.B Joshua; Advanced Level Miracle Powers
Pastor Chris Okotie; Power to rule/ Foresee the Future/Political Powers
Pastor Bimbo Odukoya (God Bless her soul); Love Powers
Pastor Tunde Bakare; Political Powers
Pastor Ashimolowo; Oyinbo Powers
Pastor Oyedepo; University business Powers

Tafari case is no longer krazy O! he is now mad.

LIVERPOOL


WE SHALL NEVER WALK ALONE

@ Danex

That is good quality miracle. Not those adulterated miracles you see on T.V.

[quote author=N-joy link=topic=48021.msg1279767#msg1279767 date=1184135636]@ karl ken
Be happy and don't end up like those grumpy 'ol men, life is too short for that. Have a blessed day.[/quote]Who are you calling grumpy??

This is another miracle from a Christ Embassy Crusade (TOTAL EXPERIENCE)


Usher; Pastor, Pastor This man was paralysed from neck down. He has never walked, nor stood or done anything on his own in 25yrs. He said while you were praying an angel of the lord pushed him off his wheel chair and now he is healed.
Pastor Chris; Praise the lord.
(the crowd cries out halleluyah)
Pastor Chris; Come here Sir. So have not walked in 25years.
Man; Yes sir. I had an accident when I was 19yrs and since then I havent walked again until today.
Pastor Chris; PRAISE THE LORD, so the lord has healed you today?
Man; Yes sir
Pastor Chris; How old are you sir?
Man; 44yrs sir, I'll be 45 next month.
Pastor Chris; And you havent moved in 25years??
Man Yes sir.
Pastor Chris; Run around the alter 5 times
(the man runs around the alter.)
Pastor Chris; Do 10 push-ups
(the man does 10 push-ups easy)
Pastor Chris; Do 10 sit ups
(the man does 10 sit-ups)
Pastor Chris; Now do a back-flip
(the old man does a back flip)
Pastor Chris; _Shouts Halleluyah. _{(Then prays for the man)}
(the man falls to the ground).


Now that is what I call a miracle. Pastor Chris is the man. In Fact he is so good that if you add a "T" at the end of his name, voila!

A fourteen year old girl?? Is it me or didn't yall here her say 14years. 14 is just after 13 O! The boy is 18years. _{([sub]I guess I have said too much already. A word is enough for those who have ears.})
[/sub]
DAMN!!

Top 10 movies of all time

The sound of music (all time classic).

The Godfather (1 and 2)

The King and I (original version)

Evita

Titanic

Shawshanks Redemption

Gladiators

Grease

Police Academy (1- 7)

Lion King (1 and 2)

Olufidu:
@ Ess,
What a passion in the negative for the one that brought you to this world! Do you mind sharing with us or me? I am really touched by your posting.

I didn't ask her to give birth to me, did I? My birth was as a result of her own pleasure.

But I'm actually in therapy and my shrink says I need to confront her. I'm really pissed and I am harboring many year of anger in my heart. She really pisses me off. And ask for my Dad, that one is a different case.

Not at all.

But at least you should have money to charter taxi's. Abi you wan kill her on top Okada??

You never told me you loved me. Not even once.