₦airaland Forum

lestat:
Hey relax , though you raised a good point but you need to realize this is an emotional issue not an auto correct contest

I see these issues everyday and around me. Don't tell me to relax! How dare him call his sister "Sterile"? She is not the first or the last to have sub-fertility issues. Things like this must be handled with care, unfortunately, this generation only stay in marriage when its rosy.

BrightForYou:
My baby sister will be 26 in two weeks. Her marriage will be 4 yrs this month, but unfortunately, she's sterile. They have tried several means (medicals, prayers, and herbals etc) to solve the problem but all to no avail. She would cry and get depressed on many occassions and I always try to calm and tell her words of hope... Fastforward, the poor girl called me on phone this morning, crying, I was so scared. She told me her hubby said he's set to marry another wife,as he has always threatened, and he vowed nothing is gonna stop him this time. I felt so bad but I managed to consoled her and let us meet today after work. My people, what do you think I should do? I don't wanna interfere into her marriage but then she's my immediate younger sister, she's gone through alot already, what if somethin unpleasant happens to her as a result of depressn or even rivalry clash? Pls, experienced ones should advise.

You are the number one factor she's yet to be pregnant!!! How can you call her sterile Call her sterile and thats what she is!
You and those around her need to work on positive words, thoughts and actions...

Sterile is a very strong word.

As unpopular as ifyalways could be at times, she's 100% correct in this case. Yes! Abortion isn't the best option, but the quality of children being raised nowadays is appalling. Immature parents begetting unruly children. The society, at the long run, is at the receiving end.

Raising just a child is no child's play, even with all the financial support (if raised accordingly).

Ify is a grandmother. I am a father. I can tell you it takes a lot to raise a child.

This is becoming a cycle. Parents being responsible for their children even after marriage. They keep grooming them into their 30s and 40s. Their lives are on pause cos they had a child...

Even single parenting is no fun for the single parent, the society and most especially the child. The fall back is always there.

Belafonte:
What would you say the real cause(s) are?

Most cases are tagged "unexplained infertility", but I would say maybe our change in diet has a role to play. That is, too much processed foods. Most people now eat on the go, and hardly eat fresh meals.

Belafonte:
1. Alcoholism
2. Too much ejaculation
3. Poor diet
4. Stress
5. Untreated/poorlytreated STDs
6. Too many abortions
7. Poorly executed abortions

Take your pick

I agree with you from a medical perspective. But the real cause is far beyond all these based on the experience of what I see around me.

Its a reality many have failed to come to terms with. I really don't know the cause, but its equally very common even here in the Southwest.

The real cause is what researchers need to work on.

Not an easy journey!

Let me speak for my religion - Christianity. One of things that really confirms your dedication to Christ is your standing right with your maker, in the face of temptation. Being a Christian is not bread and butter. God must be able to trust us in little things like this, so he could confirm our endurance, like Job did.

There is a reason God brought you there, make it count!

Don't worry, very soon, not too long, you will become an uncle. Perhaps, you might understand.

oglalasioux:
I understand your emotions but you have to live through this to understand OP. I have a terrible mother whom I've vowed never to set my eyes on for the rest of our lives. People who have loving parents will never understand people who hate their parents. You just have to live it to know.

I went through worse! Hmmm...

The most important lesson here is that they turned out fine, like many of us. They must ensure they don't be like them. Because consciously or unconsciously, they might tend to exhibit some of their characters, which they must be very alert of.

A good starting point or test is making the right decision as it concerns the brother's wedding. Its called wisdom. Don't let their deficiencies put a dent on a nascent family.

First, you must know that the scenarios you painted are not peculiar to your family alone. Nigerian families have their peculiarities, save for one or two differences.

That said, I would advise your brother not to go ahead with his wedding without their presence. The reason is not for today, but for tomorrow, plus the kind of impression he will give his would be in-laws about his family and indeed himself. This can be used against him in the future. Note that this doesn't necessarily erase his opinion about your parents. Its for his own good.

Finally, like I said before, what you guys went through isn't new. Just persevere until you can be independent and if this will count for anything, I'm particularly glad your parents are in good terms.

Shalom.

I find it very sad seeing people picking out faults in the woman, while completely alienating the husband's deficiencies, which happens to the cause of the whole issue. Remember that you will have daughters and these daughters of yours will get married...

Although she got married for the wrong reasons and perhaps hastily. This wouldn't have really mattered if the marriage went on smoothly, cos we've seen cases where it did not matter on the long run.

I will never understand this idea of a woman not being financially independent before getting married, to the extent that almost nothing can be done in the house without daddy bringing out his wallet. It puts undue pressure on the man and he acts out even without knowing.

Some decisions are usually taken in marriage that is often not to the benefit of the home, be it acted out ignorantly. These decisions, before and after marriage are usually the cause of some of these issues.

My advice... Your aunt should give him another chance, having called his bluff for so long, but keeps coming back. Most Nigerian men are usually too egoistic to beg for so long, especially when there is no financial benefit from the apology.

I've always wondered where this warehouse is, cos I see people advertising cars off it most times.

Can someone explain?

I will talk more about the issue of childlessness. What steps have you taken to ascertain what's wrong. It could be anyone; Male infertility is more common than you can ever imagine. Is there any guarantee the new partner (because u can't call her a wife yet - there's a procedure) will get pregnant with YOUR baby?

Thread carefully, because I still think your marriage can still be salvaged, even though she erred by not informing you of her project.

Your marriage is like a mug with a crack, its not broken yet.

Two actresses I've been silently asking God to bless with a child at least. Kehinde Bankole and Funke Akindele. One down, one to go.

I love her acting prowess. She ain't your everyday actress.

I will never understand this idea of traveling away from your spouse, for years, sometimes, the spouse is uncertain when the spouse will be back.

We are talking about an adult with sexual needs, especially one who used to be sexually active. The man, I'm certain would certainly be cooling off with some random lady. Not necessarily because he is sexually starved, but most importantly because he is sure no one is watching.

If as a man and I leave my spouse for years, I won't be surprised if she had "helped" herself elsewhere.

I wont advise you to sleep with a married woman, but my own issue is on the man who left a young woman in Nigeria for greener pastures, while still expecting her to be without sex irrespective. Those that do, do with so much frustration and loneliness.

Sex is a BIG deal in marriage!!!!!

While the way of life of those that brought her up shouldn't necessarily determine how she leads her life, she has confirmed that they indeed planted much of themselves in her, while she gladly grows in it.

Look! Even a perfect marriage involving a "perfect" woman has its issues. This lady has so much baggages that will cause troubles for you later in marriage. An example is that, her kind of person will be loyal to that aunt of hers and her mother. What kind of advice do you think they'd give her when you have issues?

However, having confided in you and told you some of her past, its your decision to make whether to find a way of coping with the baggages or not, but one thing is certain, her past will haunt your family and her family won't be of much help. If you can cope and believe you can nurture her to become a better person, why not?

Aside the spirit of oneness between the twins, you definitely don't want to separate a fight/resentment between the twins because one thinks the other twin's cloth is better. This also happens between non-twins, but with twins its worse. Same with toys.

However, i see no reason for this when they are much older.

I like the way we always jump to the reactions while ignoring the cause. Sexual pressure is a big deal, and it takes someone with a whole lot of discipline to scale through, especially for a couple who used to be sexually active. This is the reason I'm always careful blaming a cheating spouse against an absentee wife/husband. It can really be tough.

For the above reason, I won't blame anyone as regards infidelity on the part of the man. However, I feel his marriage can still be salvaged. Get some funds and travel to Nigeria and get your woman back! That is if you sincerely want her back. Although somehow, I feel the foundation of this relationship has a role to play in how it all turned out.

Marriage is constant work.

When oyinbo people start condemning what Africans imbibe and classify as being posh/classy/not local...

This post shows that most of what we copy from the western world may not be all accepted by the West. They also know when to draw the line.

Unfortunately, right here, what ever we see on TV is deemed acceptable and portrayed as "moving with the tide".

The federal government has borrowed a whopping N5 trillion from the N7.3 trillion pension funds saved since the commencement of the Contributory Pension Scheme (CPS) in 2004.

"Borrowing" did not start with Buhari, headline readers.

amprat:
nollywood story /script, not at all, I wish I could just drop his details here or call witnesses, all this so called saint and brethren in the church, head of excellent men and choir coordinators, respected in the church and stuff, we don't understand the guy that's the reason am asking questions here, Especially if there are ppl that also do this on this platform maybe they can tell us their reasons like @reasonable doubt who believes he owes nobody anything. I just wonder if he understands that his mum could have decided to drop him off in an orphanage, at a refuse dump or even flash him down the toilet, but everyone to his own, it is his own opinion.

No, not at all. I don't doubt your story at all. Its a valid one. I believe it 100%. What I'm saying is, I have seen a movie like it before and I believe it can happen for real. The guy was into fetish things and the only condition was his mother never to spend out of the money.

Duduade made an unpopular, but valid point. Yes, he doesn't owe them anything, but the extent the op is portraying is suspicious.

Let's face it. Even if it isn't an entitlement thing, it shouldn't be as bad as not supporting a struggling immediate family.

Unlike many of us on this platform, I believe some Nollywood stories, especially Yoruba movies and I've seen this script played out before.

kmcutez:
The population of boys are actually more than girls.

This can actually be true. However, my only reference are the births around me. Eight out of ten births are actually boys.

Got me wondering tho.

When you want to get married, marry someone with some level of intelligence and common sense.

Boy/girl? Does it make any reasonable difference? Even as a man born into a family, its not compulsory I keep my surname. Richy4 has said it all.

Please visit https://www.nairaland.com/318334/trying-conceive-child-ttc for some enlightenment. Its people like your husband that might make God delay conception so as help you understand that having "girls" is indeed a miracle on its own. I won't even go into all the biology in sex determination. Your post really got me angry. Does your husband think its by his power he's able to conceive girls at all? What if he had zero or low sperm count? or perhaps those with such offended God or did not do some things right, which your husband, in his wisdom, did perfectly right?

This is the best round of 16 draws i have seen in a while. Its perfect.

He is a President for God's sake, and earns a salary/allowances. He doesn't have to steal to feed a couple of cows. Even ordinary citizens can feed a few hundreds of cows conveniently. If the opposition must criticize, they should at least do with some level of decency.

Childlessness is more popular than we think, even among the elites.

its not an idiot. Its a porcupine/hedgehog. Looks more like a hedgehog tho. I'm surprised you were able to pick it though.

The lady is not to be blamed at all. There isn't any form of deceit or coercion.

Your friend has absolutely no reason to complain, and being a single father with a child, he must tread carefully and look for a woman that will love him and the child willingly.

Even if this one agrees to marry him later, she might not be a good wife or step mother to the child. She lacks the sincere passion for his family.

Perhaps your friend is getting carried away by the sex she gives him, which might have been a very scarce commodity for him in a while.