₦airaland Forum

Truthfully, this idea of relatives living with newly wedded should die. Especially when the apartment is too small for comfort. Assuming there was a boys quarters, perhaps, it could be a bit manageable. But living in your married sibling's house is not healthy, either for you or the sibling's family.

Any support can be given away from the matrimonial home. It brings unnecessary crisis. For how long will the husband continue to settle fights? It's a dicey situation even for the husband, as the two people involved are his loved ones.

If you live in your married sibling's house, please go back to your parent's house and leave them alone in peace. Visit in 1 or 2 weeks, but go back asap.

wirinet:
Not easy for a woman in a new marriage trying to raise children properly. If you want your children to grow up properly, balance and imbibe good values, it is better for one parent to be home looking care of the children, until at least the last one is about 6 to 8 years. Nothing wrong with the wife taking care of the home front, while the husband takes care of the financial front. Sometimes the reverse is the case. MKO a abiola was at home taking care of Kola, while simbiat was working. Cooking for the family, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, preparing the children for school and helping them with homework, has as much value as going to work to earn money. In fact if all these services offered by the wife is monetized, I am sure most husbands will be unable to pay. That's why it's called a family, each act as one towards a common goal. The wife can then pursue a career or go back to school after the children are fairly independent.
Hiring nannies, househelps and even family members to take of my children is a no no for me. I am just not ready to take the risk.

Well I understand your view, as what works for one family may not work for the other.

My submission is strictly for this peculiar case, and not general.

Outside this, you will agree with me, not every woman want to be full housewives by default, even for a year. At the same time, some men would never want their wives to be full housewives, even for 1sec. I am an example of such men.

When it comes to house chores, I support my wife. Bathing the child, feeding her, clothing, cooking and sometimes cleaning, and ofcourse I drive them everywhere. We both work!

So, what works for A may not work for B. For this case, I've only made my suggestion.

Mr Martins, would you allow a man speak and treat your daughter, the way you treat your wife?

Now, you said you won't abuse her verbally again. I put it to you Mr Martins, you will do it over and over again, cos you still don't understand.

You can't give what you don't have. It's an upbringing problem. I can't imagine calling my wife, whom I claim to love and cherish, an idiot or stupid. Unimaginable!!!

Mrs Martins, try and be independent and stop relying on your husband for most things. He will respect you more, since money is often the cause of your problems.

To other men, treat your wife the way you would want other men to treat your daughter.

Soon, we will father-in-laws. Hopefully by then, we will understand better.

Even before the wife's response, I suspected the OP would be verbally abusive against his wife.

The problem of most marriages is poor foundation and immaturity.

Marriage is not bread and butter.

That's a very unreasonable wife. Some women break their relationships (not divorce), without even knowing.

She needs a rethink.

You don't love this lady enough for marriage. Let her go.

You cant plant maize and harvest yam.

OP, you too judge yourself. Why are you so hellbent in the continued "relationship" with your childhood friend, and discussing intimate issues.

Your husband is a very calm man.

By the way, i appreciate your sincerity in the write-up.

Children must be stopped from getting married.

Some boys always think "after".

Dont ever make the mistake of not telling your real girlfriend before proposal.

Is Lola not good enough for marriage? I guess not, she's only good for unprotected sex.

You and Lola deserve what happens afterwards.

Why must the rice be white madam? Infact, he has every right to leave the home.

The egg too is white. Local man is irritated.

But seriously speaking, I think there's more to the story. What's the background to him rejecting the food? Has he complained about it before?

However, I still feel it doesn't warrant him leaving the house. Where's the love and tolerance?

Dude has always been looking for a way out. This is just an opportunity, nothing more.

Separation would've still happened sooner or later.

Pick up your life and be the strong woman that you are.

Dont try that Pathfinder. I'm not a Toyota fan at all, but on these options, dont try the Pathfinder.

1. It's a fuel guzzler for one.
2. Electrical/gear problems will make you think of committing suicide.
3. Parts are quite expensive.
4. Mechanics are not abundant.
5. Most Pathfinders of this generation I've seen are lemons. Dont know why tho.

If you prefer a pathfinder, go for the generation before this one.

In his head, you probably tried to trap him with pregnancy, hence the behaviour.

See, I've said it before, and I will say it again.... "the society is not fair on women". Single women need to get a hold of themselves, cos if you both make a wrong decision, with the male spearheading it, the society will still blame the woman. Unfortunate, but that's the reality.

Your family didnt force you into marriage. You forced yourself by allowing an irresponsible man get you pregnant.

As it stands, you're the one sad and depressed, while he makes mockery of you with his numerous girlfriends.

What do I advise now?

Separate and face the consequences thereof, or keep praying as usual.

Make your decision fast, as you're still young. Whatever decision you make now will decide how you lead your future.

Question... What do you do to support yourself financially? Hand work? Education?

Instead of them to ensure sufficiency through schools, industries etc, they'd rather sponsor marriages, burials, mosques and many more Islamic schools.

Gradually, the chicken will come home to roost.

Unbelievable!

Why was she flushing his shit before they got married?

Some men sha.

I'm glad it's not more that it is. Yes, he messed up. You had plans of getting them a car. He diverted it. Meaning, no more car for him.

Please try and raise another money and do your fencing with someone new.

Forgive and let it slide.

It's easy to blame the woman, especially for threatening to use a weapon against her spouse. No excuse is tenable in this scenario, especially when her life is not equally threatened. No excuse!

However, when you see a woman with baseless outbursts, especially those that isn't worth it; Know the woman has something she has bottled up for a long time, and is only waiting for any flimsy excuse to trip her rage.

I feel there's a suspicion (true or false) from your spouse that shes probably yet to get a hang of. This, shes currently handling poorly.

One would want to hear her own side. Probably a neutral counsellor would help her in a relaxed mood and free to open up.

Any extra, be it children or spouse is a burden (i wish there was a nicer word).

Some spouses wouldve gotten ahead in their careers with better jobs or jobs that isn't very marriage-supporting e.g. P.A. to a globe trotting CEO. But because of family, they tend to want to stay put in unfulfilling careers.

Same with children. Most people writing against the lady are the ones who put their children in summer school, when they should be on holidays. Some are in boarding houses. The ones whose kids are at home cant wait for the holidays to be over, so that the "burden" can be transferred to the teachers. Even if it's just one child, any addition, as a responsible parent, has a way of restructuring ones life.

There are many instances, but I'll stop here.

However, children are necessary "burdens" for most of us, as they are undeniably blessings. We only need to understand the lady's point of view, which is succinct.

I dont know why we dont plan anything in this generation. We think everything is a joke and will somehow fall in place.

We4all has said it all.

No advice for you.

Before taking this prophet serious, read his 2019 prophecy

https://www.nairaland.com/4981220/prophet-wale-olagunju-2019-prophecies

If for anything at all, this singular reason is enough to discourage pregnancy before marriage.

It may not eradicate it, but it will reduce it drastically.

I can never understand the issue against girl children. Do not worry, your old age will tell the most useful child. Boy or Girl.

Married folks, who takes care of their parents the most, husband or wife?

Do not get involved when two politicians are fighting. You have no idea what the stakes are. Keep off.

On the contrary, my advice is for the man earning 30k with intentions of getting married. Don't do it!!

I'm speaking to the progressive man, not a man living in a hut or hole in a dungeon. I'm speaking to a normal man.

Marriage is not a competition, and i'm not saying you've to make millions to get married.

Just try and improve your earnings a bit before marriage. Finance is one of the leading causes of friction in marriages.

Even love won't be enough! The frustration will be off the hook!

Woke generation... I pray you don't have to have a negative experience before you believe. An encounter beyond reasoning made most of us believe.

Analogies like these will make no sense after the encounter. You think Christians are stupid? No they aren't. They've only experienced what you are yet to get a hang of.

Hopefully, the Christians too will see what you now see in atheism, perhaps...

In case of another situation like this. When an irresponsible man denies a pregnancy or child, just get a lawyer and get a binding legal document for him to sign, that he is ceding every right of fatherhood to whomever is willing to care for the child.

These brainless men think they are smart, cos they think no matter what, a child will always ask for his father. What if the girl wasnt cared for properly and she died, will he come and claim any child now or does it think its easy to raise a child?

The man isn't her father, he only donated sperm. That's all. For every action, there must be an equal reaction. Idiot boys everywhere.

Sue his ass!!!

This is not the best on most fronts. Why?

1. If you can decide to leave someone you claim to love because s/he cant bear you a child on time, then perhaps you dont love yourselves enough.

2. Pregnancy before marriage is one of the avenues for having illegitimate children in marriages (especially the first child).

3. Having a child very early in marriages takes away the fun and understanding required in a young marriage.

4. Childlessness is not only a woman's fault.

5. It doesn't allow you grow into the marriage.

Personally, I don't subscribe to it. It makes it look as though somethings take precedence over companionship, love et al in marriage, which shouldn't be.

Another example of non-issues.

Have you considered her opinion, and should this even be an issue?

It's like my wife asking me to keep afro. I can never do it, cos it makes me uncomfortable.

Ask her what she likes.

PS: So, low cut is the most important thing in your marriage now, that you had to come crying here for?

One major thing women thrive on is attention. A woman wants to be able to discuss her day, her concerns, fears etc with her husband.

Honestly, I say it all time. A lot of people want to get married, but are not willing to PAY for marriage.

What usually happens in this case is that the woman looks for a male confidante to share her feelings with or she goes miserable.

When this happens, we want to blame the woman for having a male confidante, just because the husband hangs out with friends "a bit too much"!

You think it's not a big deal? IT'S A BIG DEAL!!! Hubby needs to create a balance.

While this seems like a "problem", I'm concerned at the rate at which marital problems are shared here, especially very trivial issues.

I don't get... Do you lots expect an eldorado kinda marriage. Issues will keep popping up, and it's your duty to trash them out, else, maybe you ain't ready for marriage yet.

I'm married, and I think you got married for papers. You said it yourself.

The issue here is too trivial. Deal with it.

I tell people, once you meet Christ in truth and in Spirit, some things we debate about will just not make sense anymore. Debates like your heart is more important, hence, i can dress anyhow, visit anywhere, speak anyhow, involved in certain things etc. wont pop up.

Its a level.