₦airaland Forum

playtheblues:
I don't have your time.

Really? Anyway Tnx 4 commenting. I didn't expect anyone 2 b bold enuf 2 do dt. I expected dem 2 do wt most nigerians do best- play d ostrich.

playtheblues:
This gay poster with his sarcasism , you better stop being blasphemous.

D words of a small minded man indeed. So I'm nw gay because I wrote dis? Pathetic. Also kindly explain hw I blasphemed.

This was an article written by yours truly in june last year. It is highly important to note that it is not intended to soothe the conservative and touchy sensibilities of the average nigerian hence it is not recommended for the lily-livered reader. This might even elicit a ban from the highly irascible and irritable moderators of nairaland and maybe closure of the topic but it is not the duty of the writer to sugarcoat and camouflage his words due to fear of controversy or rebuke. We writers are but serfs to the god of literature and we must relay his message without fear of those who would as they say "shoot the messenger". Enough of me jawing away and now it's time to take the metaphoric deathly plunge....
OPEN LETTER TO HOMOSEXUALS (AND SYMPATHIZERS)
Dear gays,
Homosexuals, gays, butt fuckers, potes or whatever name I choose to label you because of my virulent hatred/ignorance notwithstanding how offensive you find it, how are you all? my bad for that rhetorical question… of course you are besides yourselves with elation due to your ‘victory’; the U.S.A supreme court ruling in favor of that sacrilege, that abomination, that desecration that makes me nauseous every time I think, hear or talk about it but funnily I cannot seem to stop talking about- the marriage between two men or women (tufia, retching sounds). But before those of you damned, hell bound perverts in the U.S start ringing the gay wedding bells and rush to buy suits, wedding gowns and aso-ebi for your upcoming nuptials and your counterparts based in Nigeria begin to storm the American embassy in search of visa, let me make a final attempt to convince you to abandon this path of destruction you seem bent on taking because (in case you did not know) I am clairvoyant and welllll… mmm….. I just know I am right and you are wrong.
First of all, as a very religious, God-fearing and believing Christian, Muslim or tradi-whatever, I cannot just sit down and watch you go against the tenets of my religious beliefs. Marriage as taught by my pastor, priest, imam and other clerics was actually divinely ordained by God Almighty Himself to be solely contracted between a man and woman only (pardon the redundancies; they were for emphasis). So how dare you, a mere mortal decide to overrule the immutable dictates of the Almighty? I don’t care if you are a Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu, Zoroastrian, atheist, free thinker or a follower of any of the ample religious beliefs found in the world (I would have loved to further berate you all for belonging to the wrong religion or in the case of the latter two; the lack of, but unfortunately I do not want to digress). Even if your religion does permit it, it is still wrong for you because my God says so and if it is prohibited by your religion, you have the impetus to go against the teachings of your religion? I ask you this because I have never disobeyed any law outlined by my religion, not once in my life. Of course I am not holy (only God is) I just don’t sin. That makes me righteous (to self and others). I am very sure that if God were to start smiting everyone who had ever offended him dead, not one strand of hair on my head would be touched. So this gives me an unchallengeable license to judge, repudiate and condemn you even before God does and also to stifle and overturn the divine gift of freewill you just happen to be exercising. In fact without attempting to question or belittle God’s omniscience and wisdom, I believe every human should be forced to carry out the will of my God because that is what He would want (I think).
To those brazen homophiles (closet gays to me because you can only support what you partake in) in the U.S currently applauding this judicialized absurdity; you have all fanned the embers of my God’s wrath to an unprecedented summit which would soon descend on you as a conflagration. In His list of countries, you are no longer the United States of America but Sodom and Gomorrah hence your nation’s demise shall be swift, soon and certain preferably with raining fire and brimstone as was the case with your namesake of old. Why you ask? Because homosexuality and lesbianism were the only sins Sodom and Gomorrah practiced to incur my God’s anger and destruction (according to MY bible). One thing you need to know about my God is that He is merciful and gracious to the perpetrators of graft, genocides, rape, gross human rights abuse and other ‘little’ sins; even fornication/adultery is still tolerable as long as it is with a member of the opposite sex but approve of same sex unions and He would eviscerate you. In your stead, He would raise “religious”, “God-fearing” but corruption-riddled, controversy-ridden and homophobic countries like Uganda, Gambia, Zimbabwe, and my beloved Nigeria to replace you. Your foul, antichrist-like, gay-approving president Barack Obama would be soon be cast down and in his place would rise “morally upright” and “courageous” leaders like Robert Mugabe, who has so far persevered in faith by refusing to end his “divinely backed” 35 year rule even in the midst of persecutions (real name for economic sanctions) afflicted by the satanic western powers; talk about a modern day Job. His unshakeable faith and refusal to bow to these American and European Baals evokes memories of the exploits of the great prophet Elijah recorded in the Bible. His reaction to this gay abomination was similar to the aforementioned prophet as he taunted obama in the manner of events at Mount Carmel whilst his country’s parliament fashioned stringent bans on homosexual activities. Even his enemies cannot deny that he led his countrymen from the bondage of colonialism and white minority rule in the manner of the biblical Moses, I am sure they are still smarting from the failure of their plan to foist that marionette Morgan Tsvangirai as prime minister. Yes they succeeded for a while but the Lord’s will saw that imposter voted out in the last elections (albeit assisted by a little political intimidation and “insignificant” irregularities) Little wonder why despite being 91 years of age, he is still kicking and maintains a death grip over his nation’s affairs. I would like go as far as to predict that my God would spare his life to the ripe age of 120 years just like Moses because I don’t think that there is anyone presently capable of receiving the mantle of leadership from him.
Closely following in this divine upliftment would be (addressed by his appropriate title) his Excellency Sheikh Professor Alhaji Doctor Yahya Jammeh, commander in chief of the armed forced and chief custodian of the sacred constitution of the Gambia. These numerous accolades and titles (mostly self administered) do not do sufficient justice to this “moral” colossus who as a young, dashing lieutenant in the Gambian national army wrested the reins of power from President Dawda Jawara (that seed of Ahab) like the biblical Jehu. He even went a step further to ensure this coup was bloodless (further testament of his moral fiber and magnanimity). His reign has lasted an unchallenged 21 years characterized by “astute” leadership decisions and “instilling” the fear of God into his countrymen. He holds the ironclad conviction that unbelief in God is tantamount to loosing ones status as a human and descending even lower than a pig (an animal regarded as unclean and evil by his religion) thereby exorcising secularity (a demon promoted by that cankerworm named democracy) to the abyss. He has scored a resounding success in muzzling that satanic mouthpiece commonly referred to as the press by unabashedly arresting, detaining, imprisoning and executing (extrajudicially of course) troublesome members of this evil caucus. In line with the Mosaic injunction “suffer not a witch to live; for she shall surely die”, he directed that over 1000 suspected witches/wizards be administered poisonous concoctions after the death of his aunt was attributed to witchcraft (“divine justice” being served methinks). The zealotry of this leader rose to the fore once again to confront this gay marriage insanity head on by the proclamation that he would “cut off the heads” of homosexuals or lesbians discovered in his country (talk about putting one’s enemies to the sword… literally). His widely acclaimed magnanimity could not be hidden as he tempered justice with “mercy” by offering them the option of leaving his country. He refers to this repugnant spade called homosexuality as what it is and by no other name. In his words, homosexuality in all its forms and manifestations is ‘very evil, antihuman as well as anti-Allah”. His words, no mere lip service seems to be transcending to action as there are indications that his government intend to set capital punishment as the penalty for homosexuality thereby fulfilling his vow that anti-gay laws in the Gambia would be “stricter than those in Iran”. This brand of zealotry exhibited by this fellow is highly approved and encouraged by my God little wonder why He gifted this president with the ‘gift’ of ‘curing’ diseases like HIV/AIDS, asthma, and hypertension whose cure has so far eluded western medicine but those western ingrates instead of appreciating and applauding this highly versatile genius, chose via the United Nations Development Programme (one of their well structured propaganda machineries) to sabotage and undermine the efforts of this generous man to better humanity by spreading aspersions that his remedy produced dangerous results.
Secondly at YOU- gays of African parentage whether based in this great motherland of ours or in the Diaspora. How dare you? Discarding your great heritage to don this insanity-inspired, putrid toga of the west?..( eewǫǫ, alu eme, abomination in every African language and dialect, derisive spitting). I can say with absolute certainty that homosexuality didn’t exist in Africa until the arrival of the white man because I am an undisputable, infallible reservoir of the entire history, customs and traditions of over 2000 ethnic groups making up this continent and despite the paucity of accurate records of pre-colonial history, so when I tell you that homosexuality is not African and alien to our culture, you can take it to the bank. In fact, I would like to state that there was never a gay person in Africa before the advent of the Europeans. So therefore if none of your ancestors practiced this abnormal behavior, why must you deviate from the norms and culture of your people? Tell me as a Yoruba man/woman, how would you invite people to your gay traditional wedding? Who would dǫbailę for whose family? As an igbo gay couple, who would carry wine to whose family and who would pay the bride price in your igba nkwu? Please who would answer mister and who would answer missus? So you see where I am going with these questions; your life choices are not yours to make. You are not allowed to live your life contrary to any stipulation of your culture and tradition. Everything you do should not differ from the acts of the majority of the people around you. So because everyone around you is attracted to members of the opposite sex, so must you (to hell with your uniqueness, a quality that sets aside humans from other animals). You do not possess the power to choose to be involved with another consenting adult of the same sex just because most people frown on it and to those of you claiming to be “born that way”, my reply is a resounding “shut up there?” which way? Nobody can be born gay. I say this because I am the alpha and omega in all things genetics. All humans were born perfect. All those cases of hermaphroditism, birth defects, genetic mutation, chromosomal abberations and so on are a bunch of hogwash, balderdash and hocus pocus concocted by those oyinbo people to bamboozle the ignorant (a stock I obviously do not belong to; methinks).
Finally, as a rational, normal human being, I would like to question your choice to act abnormally… yes homosexuality is not normal and so therefore what isn’t normal is bad and should be forbidden. It is against the laws of nature (there is actually a written collection encompassing all the laws that should and should not be observed as a resident of planet earth; I have read and know all these laws by heart). All those cases of same sex relations among lower animals are all lies. I would like to ask how can two men/women procreate? Forget all those Americana wonder like in vitro fertilization (I.V.F), surrogacy and so on. They are not normal hence they are all abominable. It is impossible for two people of the same sex to raise children because every child since the beginning of time has been raised by both a father and a mother. In fact, I can unequivocally state that every child raised by both a father and mother turned out well whilst all their counterparts raised in other unconventional manners turned out badly; shining examples like Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Ted Bundy and so on prove my point. Also in case you did not know, homosexuality would lead to the extinction of mankind because if it is ever tolerated globally, every Tom, Dick and Harry in the world would suddenly turn gay. So I hope with all these weighty points, I hope I have successfully dissuaded you from being gay. I do not how easy or hard it is for you to do; all I know that you had better “get straight or die trying”
Yours (in)sincerely,
Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. homophobe