₦airaland Forum

Romanoff:
They still exist.

RisenPhoenix:
If you had trained her well, you wouldn't have to force her to do anything. She would have naturally done whatever pleases you, the husband.

That is why I don't like the idea of pre marital wooing (begging for her attention) and courting (bribing her with dinners and gifts). By the time you enter the marriage proper, she already believes that she's the indispensable lord and master (sic) of all she surveys while the husband is her slave. To get her to respect the husband after that point is like swimming against a swift river; tiring, thankless and doomed to failure.

midnighter:
Yes, and now that she's seen the type of family she has landed in she should order her steps accordingly.

Dan2000:
Right from time, I have always like my woman on low cut, so this issue came up, not that there is no money to pay for plaiting her hair monthly but I do really admire lowcut on women.
I discussed with my wife concerning this, I even used a married colleague at work as an example.
But my wife says what do I want people to say?, that she is not interested in such. That I can for someone that likes such.
What will You do if Your woman react like this?.

midnighter:
I don't understand why you're giving conditions outside of the reality that OP has already narrated to us.

Do they mind their business? No

Do they have their own money? No

Is the woman's husband doing anything about it? No

So all these permutations and circumstances you keep giving don't have any bearing on the reality at hand.

You can't marry into a family that has one male sibling, with a wealth disparity between that sibling and all the rest, be the youngest member of said family, from a different tribe, do your own thing with the guys child and then not expect wahala. Except if your husband is going to shield you, which most of the time they don't .

This is why I said you should give realistic advice instead of basing on your own expectations of how things are "supposed" to be, according to you .

If they think the woman has come to mess up their pocket money then she can prove them wrong by giving them some regard instead of trying to aggravate them further by shutting them out.

midnighter:
Okay. But what I'm saying is that not everybody is as nice as you people so she should use her tongue to count her teeth.

If somebody is selfish or jobless it doesn't disqualify them from being your in-law so you should be realistic about what is expected or required of you to remain blameless.

Entering a good family where people mind their business and entering a crazy family where everybody is trying to drag relevance are not the same thing so they can't be handled the same way.

midnighter:
You are being unrealistic. All this stuff you're saying about yourself and your family relates to you only.

The woman we are talking about can see that her husband's family is jumpy and probably insecure because she is wealthier than them. Showing a bit of humility will improve your chances instead of claiming right all the time.

So what I am advising her to do is bend a little and bear a little discomfort in order to avoid a bigger one later. It wouldn't have taken 2 minutes to tell the husband to tell them the whereabouts of that baby just to show a simple respect to your elders even if you don't think it's necessary.

I asked you if you would advise somebody to go ahead and drop the only paternal heir of their husbands family without informing them if their mother-in-law was alive and kicking?

midnighter:
Yes! Exactly. IF they were normal, we wouldnt be having this conversation. But theyre not! The OP should have been more realistic about the kind of people she married.

She should have made it easier for herself instead of claiming right on small small issues that could have been avoided if not for a bit of compromise.

Not everybody is as fulfilled and reasonable as you and your sisters. And since you dont have a brother, you cant say what you would have done if you had one and his children were being moved around without your knowledge.

Thats not to mention that the OP said that the husbands culture forbids mothers of wives from having a say in family affairs. Did you see that part?

midnighter:
Yes! Exactly. IF they were normal, we wouldnt be having this conversation. But theyre not! The OP should have been more realistic about the kind of people she married.

She should have made it easier for herself instead of claiming right on small small issues that could have been avoided if not for a bit of compromise.

Not everybody is as fulfilled and reasonable as you and your sisters. And since you dont have a brother, you cant say what you would have done if you had one and his children were being moved around without your knowledge.

Thats not to mention that the OP said that the husbands culture forbids women from having a say in the upbringing of a child. Did you see that part?

midnighter:
If you cant acknowledge that a family with an only son may have a different dynamic and concern for his children than one with all boys then I can see why you called being realistic "Mystification". She should have known the kind of family she was marrying into and how they may perceive her actions concerning their heir.

I think the OP said the husbands mother is late. So are you telling me that if the mother were alive, OP wouldnt see it necessary to explain where she dropped her grandchild?

She didnt just take the baby for visit or simple stay, she said it was "while she was schooling". It implied an extended period which means that their circumstances have changed which necessitates some family collaboration.

She doesnt answer to the family who brought her husband up Anyway I can see that neither of us is going to shift ground here, no problem.

jakandeola:
u are really getting me angry if not DAT I respect u a lot I will insult u. when ur son got a millions tell him not to give u his parents or hus younger ones.let him build 10 house and put his wife name in all d house let Him not put any children name only wife because she has become god.d boss and oga of d house.is wife oga or the hubby?
who did u think u are.as a wife wats so special about u DAT u want to control ur hubby and take over his property. if u say add children name I wont be angry but why ur name if u didnt have a secret plan. women DAT can cheat on hubby or bring barstard baby to d man as his.most women in d rooms support divorce so if I did DAT if she divorce she get all my property? av u not heard of women DAT kill thier hubby. forget DAT talk.

TonyeBarcanista:
Did the OP tell you that her hubby abandoned her to be taking care of his sisters?

This is the problem with some of you. You just want a man to abandon his family and focus on only you...

BTW my Dad/Mom showed care to his mother (he had no sister and is the only child of his mother). But lemme tell you, my mother was loved by her MIL and she loved her in return. My mother had a loving mother but she always say she preferred her MIL to her own biological mother. My mother even loved her MIL more than her own husband, and my grandmother loved my mother more than her own son. During their young marriage, they(my parents) had issues and my grandmother used police to arrest her own son, my father. In fact, my mother was at the bedside of her MIL up till her demise. My mom is not the "grab it all woman" and my father is not the kind that abandons his family. So you see they all blend!

Same love Momsy is transferring to her own DILs and SILs.

midnighter:
Its not right to tell your in-laws that you left the person carrying the family name in a location other than your house

I didnt say you should "run the decision by them". I said you should inform them where their ward is out of courtesy. If they dont agree with it then thats their problem, you are just telling them and not asking for their permission.

And you dont need to go announcing it to all of them. Just the eldest one would suffice or if you think she would lie later, you tell your husband to let her know.

If she actually went and dropped her husbands child off with her mother without a word then she should blame herself for whatever comes out of it because its quite rude of her.

So your SIL shows up and says "where is baby" and you say "I dropped him off with my mum 6 months ago"? How manage

jakandeola:
I think u are a very wicked person. I can Neva marry a girl like u because ur are greedy and selfish. abeg get lost

phemy36:
But he send one of his sister packing when the wife complain about her

midnighter:
It's not wrong but its still inconsiderate. The children of their only son? You say you carried them to where without saying anything? Ha.

Out of politeness and knowing that your SIL are not sure of you, why not just out of courtesy inform them to avoid palaver later? That would at least earn you some brownie points for "respect" especially as they are all older than you.

Personally I think that was a mistake. Even if you are in the right you can still be diplomatic to make people feel that they are being carried along.

They will be seeing it like she is trying to form wise or cunning. It was a mistake o

TonyeBarcanista:
You want him to stand up to his sisters and at same time expect amicable solution? Jesus!

And yes, the husband has a loving family that is as important as life itself. The wife has to blend by making peace with her husband's siblings. There is no ambiguity here!

I am saying this because I have loving family, I will never separate from my family because I married someone. She should be seeking true reconciliation with her SILs instead of seeking her husband "support".

TonyeBarcanista:
You want him to stand up to his sisters and at same time expect amicable solution? Jesus!

And yes, the husband has a loving family that is as important as life itself. The wife has to blend by making peace with her husband's siblings. There is no ambiguity here!

I am saying this because I have loving family, I will never separate from my family because I married someone. She should be seeking true reconciliation with her SILs instead of seeking her husband "support".

midnighter:
I dont understand that part. Is it that the mum came for omugwo or that she went and dropped the baby with the mum without informing the in-laws

MEGA4BILLION:
The moment a man marries, his children and wife becomes his primary assignment to protect while his siblings becomes secondary, until a man come in terms with this, he can't run a good home

MEGA4BILLION:
The moment a man marries, his children and wife becomes his primary assignment to protect while his siblings becomes secondary, until a man come in terms with this, he can't run a good home

romenna:
I hate family interference and i dnt interfer in my siblings affairs.
Once married, cut pipo some slack pls

Mutemenot:
I suggest you just forget all about them. Just close your ears and eyes to them, show them all their characters are non of your business. If possible give them all the food your husband bought for the kids, when he ask tell him you have them to his sisters. Just help the sister crucify your husband, by doing this he will realize his mistakes and then find ways to amend .never you complain or show bitterness to any of their action ok..

xty50:
what is wrong with you?

jakandeola:
I got lot of property will build my house soon but nothing can ever make me put my wife name.were am sweating my mum sacrifice a lot yet one woman will claim it later.a woman DAT can cheat.my baby comes first. imalma. u cant tell me to forget family cos am married

jakandeola:
dont mistake my word pls. is dis attitude DAT cause problem in a family. so bossy.we know it is ur own but dont put it DAT way please.ur hubby can still sell his house or do wat he want wit it without ur permission. DAT house belong to ur baby more Dan u

bukatyne:
Often times, single ladies do not properly understand their men before getting married.

They don't know his stance on issues concerning in-laws, finances, relationship of the marriage, culture (what it states and his stance), religion, job/career/purpose and then they start complaining when issues arise.

If you are married to a man who believes you are an addition to his nuclear family, he will treat you different and have different expectations from when he believes you both a building a new home which is an offshoot of the extended family. Some ladies now use husband first name - last name to denote that they are a small part of a larger clan.

When I say a husband is the second most important decision a woman would ever make, it sounds like I am dragging women back to the 10th century or anti-women or anti-feminist.

If all is well, I do not know how in-laws who are not in the same space have such a great influence on the couple.

Women, shine your eyes and use your sense.

DMerciful:
Are his sisters not women like the wife? Why do women hate themselves and make men's lives miseAQ0Aable?

Adedayobusayo12:
Single ladies, shine your eyes before you marry. Some men are not worth it. A man will leave his family and cleave to his wife. They are one! If I like I will carry my child and give my parents to look after if that's what will give me peace of mind. A husband that cannot mediate between his siblings and wife and also draw a line so as each will not cross is a fool. Get a job and do what you enjoy. Let the fool marry his sisters. One idiot will come and stay in my house for five years, come dey spoil my name again, Ogun go kiiii am. I have a brother and I will never go and intimidate his wife or pokenose in his marriage. When you marry into a lowlife family where they all depend on kobo from the man, this is the results. Poor and aggressive siblings.

Fountainofyouth:
Stop replying them, they ain't worth the attention.