₦airaland Forum

Brazenbabe:
Lol. Sis shebi na the friend drag two of them enter room.
If oga did not want to do, he would have just ended the introduction at "pleased to meet you"
Abeg leave matter, guilty men blame everyone but themselves.

Regardless, he and his wife are not the kind of people you call friends. They set you up for downfall and then take the glory for it

Brazenbabe:
Madam I am sorry to say this but you sound very naive.
You need to start trusting less and start protecting your yourself more.
Stop this "me and my husband against the world" shit you are doing and get realistic.
This your husband's family may still go behind you and collect the child.
For the woman to boldly change her name to your husband's, something is giving her mind
Instead of you to go and thank the person that told your family with a bag of rice and big fowl, you are angry with him. For what exactly?
Be grateful to God for revealing these things to on time.
Some women have found out about their husbands other
family during his burial.
Turn this situation around and be in charge.
You are one that is wronged. Not you and your husband.
This is the best time to make your demands on how you want this arrangement to turn out.
If you don't control things, your husband will keep having kids with her and by then, there would be nothing you can do about it.
Your husband was not forced to sleep with her. He did so repeatedly without protection.
I wonder why you are still blaming the friend for telling you.
Abeg take control of the matter o. E don happen be say e don happen.
You can bring up the idea of surrogacy to him if you people can afford it.

If you read her other posts, you would understand why? He apparently set up the husband with the lady and still went to report him. He isn't actually a saint but the demon himself

The truth is that you are acting paranoid and childish with the stuffs you are doing...lying that you had sex, asking her to swear by th Bible. Not everyone agrees to swearing even by the Bible.

It's either of two things. She actually cheated and is trapped because she spilled because you spilled and now it blew up in her face.

Or she didn't cheat and just refuses to swear. When you can figure out which one it is, then you can make your decision.

Please disregard those comments from those judgemental guys who have nothing but hate for women

jakandeola:
u didnt reply me yesterday. its not fair.are we fighting now?

My daughter is fine. Thank you

Let everybody stay in their father's and husband's house.

Let no one turn brother or sister to father and mother. Basically, don't keep "borning" plenty children that you will end up burdening your older children with.

Temporary visits are ok but permanent residence...no. let's not breed too much familiarity.

uboma:
I wonder why some peeps have the feeling that any woman that drives a car must have received the car from a man.

I had a heated argument on this sometime ago with someone. Some men really lack exposure.

You cannot blame them. They judge every lady based on their own experiences with the ladies they have encountered. Not considering that their choise of women might be the problem.

Mobree:
And so you came to this conclusion after reading just two paragraphs about her? Na wa o

That's a typical Nairaland male for you. Very bias in their judgement when it involves a lady.

MichealKin50:
She posted a picture of our church member 'male' on her dp and say it was his birthday. After the birthday the pic was still there.

What did say when you asked her? Could it be that she forgot to change it?

It might be that you are reading meanings into what she does because you don't trust her. And if she truly cheated, you have a decision to make. One that would give you peace of mind.

You started what you could not finish. Now you can't handle the result. She could also be lying. And how is she sure you didn't actually cheat and are now claiming you were lying?

You don't need advice. You know what you can live with and what you can't. Act accordingly.

One question though...What was the intention of the confession you initiated anyway?

jakandeola:
I ask how is baby.

After throwing a shade, you padded it up with "how is your baby"?

I no answer

jakandeola:
ur 1kobo did not enter DAT car.we know say na oga work.lolz how is baby.

I wasn't married then. Every kobo was from my salary.
Sorry to disappoint you

2014 less than 300k.

The men who believe that have only money to offer.

Argue with yourself

GrossPrice:
Touche

He made a good catch.

Who?

GrossPrice:
What should women be taught?

You tell me.

healthserve:
Diego and Paloma. When you are mine

Cuando seas mia

JustMe407:
Dear nairalanders, I need you honest advice on what to do. I am still a young man and any mistake now will have a grave effect on my future. So please, help a brother.

Be objective and consise please. It is a long narrative.

I have a girlfriend whom I have been dating for up to 10 months now. She has all the qualities of wife, friend and a partner. I mean, she prays for me, supports me and do many things that places her above average.

I've two issues that are bugging me;

First is, I just graduated from the University and started to follow the road map I designed for my life. I am hardworking, so I started doing business immediately after my defense. Interstate exports of perishables. While I was in school, I made a lot of money doing designs for students; I am a UI/UX designer. The problem here is that I can't account for all those monies I made. A lot of expenses especially for my girlfriend. Even till now, I am supposed to send her some money but will I continue like this? I need stability in my business and need to save more and need capital for the last mile logistics company I want to set up next year.

Second issue is; I recently returned from an event I attended in Lagos some days ago, I came back very late and was grossly tired. While we were chatting, she asked me some questions which I told her I was very tired and eventually, I slept off. My phone beside me till the next morning. Fast forward to yesterday, I told her of my intentions to concentrate more in building for the future - it doesn't mean our relationship would be off. She started asking questions like "do you need some space?" "Am I bugging you?" She also said I don't "speak her language enough" language here is bonding, intimacy and closure. I was surprised at her response.

I noticed she'd be online for a long time and won't reply me on time, so I asked her who she was chatting with and she replied someone. I ignored her. This morning she called, while we got talking I asked her about the person she was chatting with. She told me the guys name. And asked if I will forgive her of anything, I said yes. She now said, she was introduced to the guy and they got flirting from the day I came back from my journey and told her I was tired and needed to rest. Her excuse was that, I pushed her to and she just wanted someone to speak/talk to.

Now, my question is, Should I move on with my business and focus, or, should I continue with the relationship? I don't want to be with someone that gives up on me easily.

P.S I love her so much. And she does too. We've through a lot together.

Please moderators, help move this to front page for more contributions.

She started flirting with someone just because you were too tired to talk? That's a bad sign. A sign of someone who will cheat on you and even blame it on you

RisenPhoenix:
It works better than all the love marriages you idolize on telemundo.

Sorry I don't watch Telemundo

faithfull18:
Lol, every man for himself.

God for us all.

RisenPhoenix:
No. They make bad husbands because they are being taught to fall in love and go down on their knees to beg one gold seeking, multilply violated, elderly woman to become their king and ruler.

That narrative is what your feminist type is trying to push. Respect is earned only if she behaves with decorum as a wife, not because she bears the title of Mrs. As for love, what's to love? At the risk of repetition, what more than sex, children and headache does a woman have to offer these days?

To be honest, my wife is a professional and going by the fact that she has her own vehicle and is constructing her own office building, should be earning quite well. I cannot give you exact figures because I have no idea what she makes and no interest in finding out, I insisted on staying out of her affairs unless my help is specifically needed. I neither feel emasculated nor do I fear loss of control because I do not subscribe to the belief that either of us is indispensable to the other. [b]If she decides that she does not wish to live under my control, she is free to try her luck elsewhere and so am I. I do not consider the children a hindrance to seperation [/b]because I am sure that an amicable divorce and suitable care of the children can be arranged at that stage.

This is already a recipe for divorce. I see both of you are like housemates that have kids together. You both signed a contract to cohabit together till it no longer works for you. Like friends with benefits living together. Love is not part of the contract. As long as it works for you.

RisenPhoenix:
I am married and have been for more than 5 years so far. How about you?

Hmmmm...

That's all I can say right now for your wife without saying too much.

midnighter:
Our discussion was on HER in-laws interference. It was not on a "general basis".

That was what you said and I disagree with it.

If the general principle you advised her with works then that is good for her.

But we were not having a general discussion. We were discussing a specific issue pertaining to a specific person in a specific situation.

Our discussion was mainly on "HER" inlaws interference; telling them her plans even after she and her husband were in agreement with the decision.

Taking charge of her home and minimizing outside interference.

This is a general principle that works in marriage. That is my point. They will even tell you this in counselling. It's not rocket science. So whether the inlaws are stubborn, funny, naughty...they will align. But if you start acting like they have a say I everything, that's a recipe for disaster.

Inlaws input in one's marriage is inconsequential

RisenPhoenix:
Yes. Any man that tragically lives parasitically off his wife has rescinded his rights, taken away her rights and therefore has the duty to obey her. Even if she only shares part of the expenses, he still loses a commensurate part of her respect. I'd rather divorce my wife if I am unable to support her than let her feed me. A real man must bear full responsibility for his family and ensure that they only live within his means. The major reason why the woman is called upon to make financial input is because she might be dissatisfied with the standard of living he can provide for her, and that is not a good reason at all. Rather, the competent husband must ensure that he marries a woman who is content with what he has and be strong willed enough to make sure that he does not give in to her desire for more frivolities that waste his funds and sending him begging for more.

As for your final question, anyone who puts his whole life, pleasure and time on the line for the sake of his family's comfort has the right to be the sole decision maker...the 'person with the money' if you like to call him that.

I see you are still speaking hypothetically. When you get married and live this principle for 5years and you and your wife are happy and fulfilled, you can come back and drop your advice. But if it's still based of youthful exuberance and ignorance of what the institution of marriage is really about, let the experienced ones give us real facts.

midnighter:
I didnt say that whatever she reads on here will not apply to her.

You asserted that the discussion that we are having is general when it clearly isnt.

It is not general. It is specific to her own situation which is why we are talking about it and not a hypothetical woman somewhere.

Our discussion was mainly on inlaws interference; telling them your plans even after you and your husband are in agreement with the decision.

Taking charge of her home and minimizing outside interference.

This is a general principle that works in marriage. That is my point. They will even tell you this in counselling. It's not rocket science. So whether the inlaws are stubborn, funny, naughty...they will align. But if you start acting like they have a say I everything, that's a recipe for disaster.

midnighter:
It is not general. It is specific.

Don't worry. Soon it will be clear. There's no need to keep going back and forth. I have been in it for some years now. And taking charge of your home and not allowing third parties in on everything in your home is a general principle that works for every marriage.

RisenPhoenix:
It's not how much time is spent. It's WHAT is being taught. And I agree that both should be trained... boys on how to be strong and financially responsible in heading a family, girls on how to be obedient and emotionally supportive of her husband.

No wonder men make bad husbands these days since they are only being taught how to be financially responsible and heading a family. In a case where he loses his source of income, what is left of him? He becomes a frustrated human/wounded lion.

Men should also be taught to love their wives and treat her with respect and not like a subject or steward.

Money is your basis for respect or "head of houseship". You probably cannot marry a woman who earns well because it might emasculate you and make you lose your control over her. Since that's your only basis for holding your home together.

midnighter:
It was not on a general basis. We were discussing the woman's individual case in light of the information that was given about it.

You cannot apply general principles to a special case indiscriminately and expect miracles to happen. Before taking an action you must think holistically and acknowledge important factors that will affect the dynamic of that particular situation.

This is where my opinion differed from yours.

It applies to her. Since this is her thread and she is reading it, she can learn how to manage inlaws and take charge in her house without feeling like a second class citizen in her marriage. So even though it is general, it applies to her.

RisenPhoenix:
Not only children need training. Incompetent, ignorant, untrained or ineffective adults also do.

As long as the husband bears the financial responsibility, he is the boss (read; HEAD OF THE FAMILY). And I have already stated before that some men too need to be trained, so your repetition is unnecessary. But while women need to be trained by their husbands where their parents have failed, men can never be trained by their wives. Men need other men to mentor them through marriage.

We are saying the same thing.

So if the wife bears the financial responsibility due to some reason, it means she becomes the BOSS of him right? The HEAD OF THE FAMILY. Because we have to be clear about this. That means she can order him to do the chores, take care of the kids, go to the market, right?

Do you believe this is how marriage works? The person with the money is the boss? Hmmmm. Marriage is obviously still a mystery for even some that are married.

midnighter:
Yes. But she didnt; I think we can agree on that.

Yeah. This our discussion is actually on a general basis; as per measures that should be taken to avoid unnecessary clashes with difficult inlaws.

midnighter:
And who is advising her to dance to their tune like a puppet



Exactly! If you actually think about who you are dealing with and what they are trying to do to you then you will be able to formulate an appropriate response to their actions instead of "[sitting] like a visitor" without paying attention to the surroundings in which you have landed yourself.

If you set the boundaries yourself instead of waiting for people who you know to be funny characters to start misbehaving, that is what is called "ordering your steps accordingly".

When you set your boundaries, all characters, whether funny or not will align and fall into place.

RisenPhoenix:
Are your children slaves? Don't you train them? Don't freeborn human beings get trained into a profession or a field? Or a sport? Why do you assume a unique association between training and slavery? Or training and dogs? If you do not know the definition of a word, just google it.

Oftentimes, women don't get the proper training for a happy married life from their parents' homes, so the husband has to pick up the loose ends. This is common now because mothers have been getting lax these days and people are learning their manners from the internet instead. Good women have gradually been going extinct since the era of our grandparents.

Nor is it restricted to women. Men these days too have been losing all their masculinity to the feminist narrative, but obviously, a woman cannot properly 'train' a man...only another man can.

Is a wife a child?

And you think men are properly trained to be good husbands? Just with the kind of comments and threads we see on this forum, can you say these men have been trained to be good husbands?

A husband is not synonymous to being a boss as many men here suppose. And a man is not properly trained also. He learns on the job just like the woman.

So if you're going to mention training, both husband and wife need it.