₦airaland Forum

shinacology:
.pls don't quote me wrong ,okay let say you took your baby out and mistakenly you forgot your flannel are you going to allow the baby to cry till you can get a replacement flannel or or Bleep the public and breastfeed in an utmost decent way. This is the love am talking about not you having choice and breastfeeding outside. Thank you

In all my months of breastfeeding I never had to expose my breasts in public to breastfeed. So that assumption will not work. When I am going out with a breastfeeding baby, I don't dress up without putting my little one into consideration. My top is usually breastfeeding compliant so that I could even do without a flannel.

Love is thinking about your baby in advance not necessarily flinging out your breasts because you want to be seen as a good mother.

How would you know they are corpers if they are not wearing their uniform

culf:
I can't stop laughing...nicely said "its a personal thing" but I have issues with women refusing to feed their babies (when there is no secluded place) because its an open place and they don't want to expose their breasts. My wife knows about this and I"m happy she is cooperating. I'm not saying expose breast unnecessary but feed the baby anyway you can when the baby is hungry.
being a better mum is relative but personally I feel a lady being responsive to her baby irrespective of the environment is a quality of a good mother.
my brother inlaw was once like your husband, he doesn't like my sis breastfeeding outside but over time, he became OK with it.
Yes, I don't like women exposing too much of their body in public but this is a different case. I was in a public vehicle one day and a baby was crying but the mum refused to breastfeed her, she did everything possible but the baby refused to stop because she was obviously hungry, you need to see the bashing that lady got that day from both men and women. there is nothing she didn't hear on that particular day and to me, they are right to scold her though not to the extreme. if a lady knows she can't expose her breast, she should put measures in place to feed her child when need arises and not starving the baby because she don't want to expose her breast and the place is not conducive.
my dear, with due respect, its my breast, I paid for it and so my baby should have access to it whenever he wants it. Any idiot (guy) around that wants to be stupid, its his own business.

I have even breastfed my baby while walking on the road before but I didn't expose anything. That's why I said it's a personal thing. Because I used to wear tops that allowed me breastfeed without being exposed and I always carried a flannel. For me, I don't like the exposure. And so I took measures to make sure baby and I were comfortable.

My husband can't be ok with me displaying what he believes he alone should be privy to especially because he knows it can be avoided without hurting the baby in any way.

.

jakandeola:
I think my wife boobs belong to me alone but am saying not to evryone but sometimes y have no choice. I will be sad if my baby keep crying.if am dere I will let her breast feed in public but[b] I will be alert and be looking round if I see any guy who look my wife breast I will fight him[/b].

You will fight tire. Some men that have looking for how they will see her breasts will entertain themselves

jakandeola:
wetin dey breast we Neva see b4 if u like dont feed baby DAT ur cup of tea I tot u are matured. moment u born a baby u do wat baby like not wat u like

Are you saying maturity means exposing my body?

And no, having a baby doesn't mean doing only what your baby wants...lol. Where did you get that from?

Don't worry. When your wife puts to bed, you can let her show her boobs to everyone.

Pr0cter:
Keep quiet jor. Be there be looking for free lunch

You have dated so many leeches obviously.

The interesting thing is that a lot of guys spend money without so much fuss, calculations and sentiments while for some spending money peppers their bodies and they can write a whole book or narrative to back it up.

Everybody with their money to spend as they like.

Homeboiy:
Akwa ibom girl

Mtchheew Free givers

Be guided

culf:
what if the "dinning table, room etc" are not available at that point.

I met a lady yesterday in a bank, her baby was so cute so I started playing with her. her transaction was taking time and the baby was crying while she was filling forms. we told her to be fast so she can feed the baby. when the baby cry increased, she hurriedly brought out her breast, collected the baby from me to start feeding her and later on, brought out handkerchief to cover her breast. That is a great mother and expect my wife to do same if the situation warrant it. Who breast help when my baby is hungry and crying? she no fit try am sef

Lol...the dinning area, rooms, and other corners in the house have to be occupied so that she can bring out the breasts in front of your friends...I see.

Exposing the breasts is a personal thing and has nothing to do with being a good/great mother. Let's not mix the two up. When I had my baby, I was exclusive for several months and I breastfed everywhere I took her...public places, but I am conscious of my body despite the fact that I am a mother. And covering up was and is my prerogative. Besides my husband didn't like the idea of a woman exposing her body to other men all in the name of breastfeeding.

Another person can decide to just bring out her breasts for her baby and everyone. That doesn't make the person a better mum. The most important thing is feeding when needed. Whether you now expose the breasts or not is a personal thing.

The breasts I have been hiding and protecting all these years, I will now just start exposing it for every Tom , dick and Mariah because I am a mother. Iyooooo!

culf:
i won't, feeding my baby is the first priority. my Friend's wife too does that sometimes when I'm around and i dont see anything wrong with it.

Feeding a baby is not synonymous to exposing the breasts. Your wife could as well go to the dinning table, to the room, etc except it is necessary that everyone has to see her breasts. Because it seems that people believe you must expose your breasts t the public to be termed a nursing mother

PrimadonnaO:
I always think about that part. Will I one day put my hand into my dress and fling out my breast in full public glare, all in the name of breastfeeding baby?

I doubt. I'll probably pump milk into baby's bottle. Can't fling breast outside in public.

You don't have to. Don't make anyone here make you feel you are a bad person because you don't want your personal business outside.

Besides, there's hope for you. I breastfed in public but I didn't have to put my breast for the whole world to see. There's always a corner to sit in or face. Besides, there are breastfeeding aprons that work well. Some people just make you believe that the baby will cry and you will have no choice than to fling out your breast.

My breast was still my personal property to protect. Breastfeeding didn't change that.

omoharry:
Have you ask your mum if she ever breastfed you in public back in the days? So many of you talking now where breastfed just like the woman the op displayed here. Babies can be unreasonable when they want thier milk and they don't care where you are and if you are prepared to bread-feed them..They will cry and shout to the high heavens until you are pressured to feed them there.Most women breastfeed without making the whole part visible to strangers.The babies suck behind their blouses.
I remembered seeing so many women back in the late 80s ,90s and the early part if the 2000s often breastfeed their babies while hawking their various merchandise .Those children are now men and women.They can even be found on Nairaland bashing the-same same method that they fed from.
Anyway, due civilization, it is good to be discreet when bread feeding your babies outside as it is obscene for other men to see your breast brought our in the open just like that. Funny enough, this kind of bread feeding only happens among illiterate women and those on the street begging for money.

I don't think the issue is breastfeeding. The issue is covering up while breastfeeding. It doesn't reduce the love for the baby or stop whatever bond. There's nothing wrong if women cover up while breastfeeding instead of assaulting people's eyes with breast or making people uneasy. It's not all our mothers who displayed their breasts in public. It is not by displaying breast that we know one is a good mother.

I breastfed in public. But you would hardly ever see my breast. There's always a corner to stay in or face and breastfeed or use a flannel/breastfeeding apron, wear breastfeeding friendly clothes, etc. There's no excuse to just bringing out your breast to the full glare of strangers because you want to breastfeed.

culf:
my wife does it and it's cool.

You won't mind if your friends come to visit you and you guys are all in the sitting room. And then your wife brings out her breast...nipple and all showing...not a single form of covering and she puts it in the baby's mouth. All this in the presence of your friends. You won't mind?

shinacology:
This is a topic of moral and decency, when u breastfeed in public u know others are not blind
But the love for our little baby is ur concern it depends on the person if u like look it shows ur a sex starved pervert . courtesy demand u to look away out of respect for motherhood . hard to resit but use common sense . that why I love moms they don't hesitate to do things for their baby .
Case close abeg breastfeed ur pikin anywhere jor

The love for one's baby won't diminish if you have a flannel to cover up. Your body is still yours to protect even though it's a baby's food at that time. I couldn't imagine displaying my breast because of breastfeeding. I used to have a breastfeeding apron with me. The thing I have been hiding since, I will just start opening it up and down with the excuse of breastfeeding.

PRISTINEMUSCLES:
That might just be an exception.
I wouldn't know the kind of stretch marks u find appealing. So u love looking like a zebra right�

The marks are not black and white.

Some stretch marks look really bad and scary. I like those mild ones on the arms. Strange I know

chigoizie7:
The topic of the thread is on “not having a degree “ not on illiteracy.

My comment is for the ones without a degree that are also illiterates.

chigoizie7:
That someone doesn’t have a degree doesn’t make them illiterates

Did I refer to having a degree in my comment?

Although a degree will go a long way to fine tune someone, there are people that a re cultured and knowledgeable without having a degree.

Deandean:
Lolll...i love u, u re balanced
I also noticed its mostly this teenage gals that are still trying to understand there cycle and d understanding that women hav lotta body locks dat re prone to heat n smell(underburst,handpits,vjay,hair,space btw bumbum,infection caused mouth odours..etc) that re d most culprits...mostly,not always,the older they get,d cleaner they bcum.
As 4 guys,dirtiness is a phase,i wear my boxers 4 2 day sometimes too...I've had to buy 15 extra boxers last month.i've seen a couple wait 2 yrs treating avoidable,hygiene related infections b4 madam could conceive.its dat serious.

Funny enough the vendor is a grown woman with kids.

As for the teenagers, their mothers/older ones should take responsibility and make them aware. When I was in secondary school, my mother used to buy me body sprays. She would even bring them on visiting day.

Besides, it's carelessness and not being aware of yourself that causes those smells.

PRISTINEMUSCLES:
Well stretch marks is usually as a result of rapid weight gain(slim or skinny person) or rapid weight loss(for a fat person).
I guess your girl is on the big side. Not much can be done as regards eliminating the stretch marks completely, best bet is to conceal(hide) them.

Most ladies do have stretch marks.The ones that disgust the most are those thick ones with green colors.

Love your woman as she is.

I know someone who has them on his arms and many places. He has never been fat, neither does it look like he will ever be.

By the way, I find stretch Mark's appealing. Crazy but true

For someone that likes to interact, very skilled in sarcasm, likes to discuss issues and several topics, marrying an illiterate would have been a mismatch. I would have probably ended up closer to other men who I can relate with and discuss better with than my husband.

Everyone needs to know what they need and what appeals to them before they answer this question.

My colleague can smell armpits from a mile away. And most times, the men are the culprits. Leaving hair there is not such a good idea.

Women are not left out o. The vendor that I had to work with this morning at about 7am was reeking from her armpit. Who smells at 7am in the morning? When you are supposed to be smelling fresh.

Preshy561:
Ariza, I believe you are doing this out of boredom, if not, the opinion of these guys shoukdnt bother you cos it's a very different scenario in the real world. Btw, hope you are good?

As in ehn. When you realize that nairaland guys don't reflect the guys in the real world...no one will bother opening a thread like this. Like who cares if they detest women?

Hold on a bit. When they send you their wedding IV, then you can quit the relationship.

Prec1ous:
Is it that you people don't read completely or your oestrogen rush makes you forget details and pick the one that suits you?

I started my post by condemning violence but my advise is based on one premise:

THIS WOMAN SAYS SHE WANTS TO SAVE HER MARRIAGE. IF SHE WANTS TO LEAVE DUE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, WE ARE NOT THE ONES TO TELL HER TO.

She knows what she want and it is to get her husband to his best behavior and that is what my comment is about.

If someone wants to kill you, will you wait for faceless people online to tell you to run?

Sorry. Your excuse about him hurting her because he is going through something seemed to cancel what you said initially

liberalchick:
I hear you, so because he is going through something, she should get hit enough to cause a miscarriage. What kind of marriage is that? Is that not the point of marriage, together as one. If you so much hate being vulnerable sharing your problems with your spouse enough to physically abuse them then you shouldn’t be in the union.

Going through something kill him dia!!

Prec1ous:
I am so sorry about what you are going through, especially the violence. Which is enough for you to leave but you have decided otherwise.

Since, you want to get his love back back, then the problem is about what you have refused see. You are still acting on the surface. Behave live a therapist.

But...

Your husband is going through something which you are unaware of. Something is bugging him and being egoistic, he doesn't want to talk but wants you to know and empathize. Weird right?

The reason why he is venting on you is because it is just you he has. But because he is yet to master his problem, this is the reason for his haphazard behavior.

When last did you sit him down and ask about his finance, career, goals, aspirations?

Your husband needs you to talk to him and all those talks about respect from him is just to summarize his defensiveness.

Your husband is going through something, reach into his heart. He loves you you and that other wife talk is a big bluff. He only wants you to step up. Reach out to him.

No man has the right to treat his wife that way regardless of what he is going through. So it's ok to beat and mistreat his wife; especially a pregnant one because he is going through something?

Please don't promote nonsense. That is foolishness and selfishness. A man that acts that way is irresponsible and thoughtless and should not be indulged. Reach into his heart indeed! If he cannot reach into his heart himself and give himself sense, he should go back and stay with his mother because he's not worthy to be called a man.

He's an insecure big baby. Hurting you and mistreating you to assert power and authority over you and make himself feel good. He's manipulating you emotionally. These kind of men get fulfilment when they put others on the edge; making them run helter skelter to please them. It massages and pumps his ego.

How can he hit you? Especially with a pregnancy. That man is not the type you sacrifice anything for. Because he doesn't care about your wellbeing and doesn't have your interest at heart. Please stop bothering yourself about him. Leave him to continue his nonsense. And you should consider leaving if he doesn't change for the sake of your wellbeing and that of your baby.

Please don't condone rubbish. This is not how marriage should be; don't let anyone deceive you. The man is not supposed to be a dictator, an idiot or a principality against your happiness. If he makes your life more difficult, he's not acting like a husband.

LordKO:
It's not about encouraging or indulging their repulsive behavior, but deferring for the bond (blood) that holds them together. In a situation like this, decision to lose honorably isn't a sign of weakness but that of strength - it's all about balancing conscientiousness with altruism. Of course, it'll become a sign of weakness if he continually defers for them in similar circumstances. I wish he has the wherewithal to play the bigger person role in this regard. He's hands full with small-minded people in his siblings, so it behoves on him, as a bigger person, to perfect the art of relating safely with them without allowing them dominion over him.

I understand your point. Though I know in some cases where that bond becomes a curse where a sibling doesn't act in the interest of the others. I wouldn't want to go into details.

The decision is still left to the op's father. If he decides to sell the house and move on, he has tried for them. And if he wants to leave the house for them, all well and good.

sassysure:
If u are igbo, u will understand the dynamics. It doesn't matter who built it. It's called THE FAMILY HOUSE aka the obi. Obi house belongs to everybody until others can find their feet
Constitutionally and traditionally, he can't evict them. The court wilk tell them.to go and settle in peace likewise the police. I have never heard of somebody being evicted from the family house.
Being the first son, u are giving more privileges than others because of instances like this.
Igbo people here understands what I'm talking about.

The best thing would be to sell the house and finally allow them find their feet. The new owners can evict them. At least the tradition will not forbid that.

sassysure:
Don't delve into what u had no idea how it works if u are not igbo. This is not a house in the city but a village house. Even if u are the mad o e in the family, I mean a real mad one who roams the street, u must have a roof in your father's house. The person who built it doesn't matter.
The last born might be doing better than the rest and decide to pull down the old house that have and build new one. The house automatically belongs to every body in that family. That is how it's done. If u don't want your poor brothers to stay with you, then build something for them. Simple.

But this house is not their father's house. It's their brother's house

LordKO:
If your father is on money and can afford a new house, let him play the bigger person role, like he has done so far, by building a new one and leaving the old one for them in good faith.

Many a time, disunity is a product of fear. I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that it's their differences rather than problems that have kept them in disunity all this while. Physical distance will definitely alleviate, if not eradicate, whatever differences they've among themselves once one person among them takes up the task to bring peace in the family.

Haba Lordko such behaviour should not be encouraged or indulged. I don't think he should leave his house for them because they are threatening him and being ungrateful. He should move out with his family and sell the house. When the owner comes, they can talk to him/her.

It's not their brother's job to provide shelter for them because he is richer. They have become settled there and become entitled.

busar:
This is a very big mistake that ought to have been corrected long ago. Your dad should have given him ultimatum to leave immediately he got married. Having too many family members in a compound breads trouble most especially when they have wives... What I will suggest, your dad should try make peace with them, arrange some money to rent an apartment for them outside your home.

When my dad finished building his house, some of his siblings came to ask for rooms, he told them instantly that there's no room for anybody. Do not start what you can not finish!

Arrange money for them? Or they should be the one to give him money to thank him for housing them rent-free for about two decades. They are not entitled to any money from their brother.