₦airaland Forum

Don't bother bringing children to this world to complicate their lives. Just leave them where they are.

OladimejiRufai:
I agree with you to some extent, but to a larger extent, I disagree with you bro.

Virginity? Is it not that thing that it has been proven that it can be lost by virtue of other things aside sex like exercise or accident?

Is it in today's world where we hear many stories of how many girls are being raped and molested? In a world where many parents do not take care of or look after children and this has exposed the girls to the trials and evils of those men who take advantage of women out there? In a world where many people were born into families and environment that has deterred them from having the proper orientation concerning how much of value a woman keeping her virginity is?

Is it in a world when we humans live - the same weak humans whom the devil has managed to influence many of us into making mistakes we have always regretted and wished we never did?

Virginity should not necessarily be a yardstick to determine the kind of woman that should set standards for a spouse because it can be lost in ways in which the girl had little or no control.

Even if the girl had control, it still remains so

Wait a second, what exactly is the beauty of marrying a virgin except for the sweetness and the satisfaction that arises from realising that no man has touched her before you?

Is virginity the factor that determines the character of a woman or will determine how much of a good wife and good mother she will be?

After the first night, when you break her virginity, will she not then become like the other women who have had theirs broken before marriage?

Indeed, the character and personage of a woman is far more important that virginity. It's her character that will determine how well she can perform wifely duties, how much of a good wife and mother she will be, how much of a good home she will make, how much of happiness and peace of mind she will give you as her husband, how less of worries you will experience in that marriage and other important and major benefits a man seeks to experience in marriage.

Virginity has little or nothing to do with all that while character and virtuousness has a lot to do.

Look around you and observe or ask questions or do research and you will see how many women out there of whom they were married as virgins cause their husbands worries and troubles of different sorts.

I'm not saying this to justify sex before marriage oo. I've always been an advocate against it.

But I want you to understand that virginity does little in the making of a good wife. And I want you to understand that the present is what matters and not the past. There have been people in this world who were amongst the worst of creatures but their lives were turned around and they became the best of people. And conversely, there were some that were good but turned so worse.

What matters is the present brother. As long as the non virgin lady has kept her misdeeds in the past and is now a virtuous woman at present, then she should be entitled to that chance of setting standards in a man of whom she hopes would complement and help her improve on her present character and virtuousness.

my piece!

You finish work!

While virginity is admirable and good to maintain till marriage, it is not as important as a good character and a wife that gives her husband piece of mind and support.

AlexDeedat:
Please I want you to judge me but, while you do that, please be sincere. I will make it brief. Please dont mind the typo errors or any errors as we have many English teachers on board.

It all started about 3moths now, I works with an FMCG Multinational Company as a Field Sales Manager and I was newly transferred to one of the northern state from Lagos.

I arrived this state as a Johny Just Come (JJC) and I can barely speak ordinary 'Wa kin pa o' (come make I kill You), I am a Yoruba Man.
I met an existing Sales team which I inherited from the previous manager.
One of the Sales people is Mr X. Oh my God! This guy is just so exceptionally intelligent, smart, hardworking, dexterous and has the qualities to be a great Manager. He is still an Open Market Sales Rep despite the years he has put in the Business.

Mr X took me round the Territory, helped introduced me to existing distributors and we were able to recruited more. My line manager was so surprised that i was able to fit into the new environment easily and met 72% of my target for the first month within that shortest time. This particular Mr X has so much channels he can singlehandedly do 50% of the entire secondary sales while the remaining sales rep struggled with the rest.

Now this where I'll need your advise. There is a new vacant slots for the post of TSM, three (3)northern states and one(1) south eastern state. I have opportunity to sloth Mr X's CV so he can be called for exams and possibly interviews. I am more than sure this guy will get the job with my help and his effort.

The problem is "I CAN'T LET MR X GO NOW" I decided to work out ridiculous incentives for him to increase his pay and he was so happy about it this month. He received 2x of what he always received monthly for the last few years...but yet, my conscience wont let me rest till now as it is about 48 hours to the close of submission for CVs.

I need this guy on board so badly atleast for like 4 to 5 months when I'll find my feet on this ground..I have looked around the remaining sales team atleast for a replacement but the rest are just.......This environment still looks like I am being pushed here to suffer..If you have been to core north, you will understand.

**I know God pushed him to me and I am very grateful. I'm I being wivked or self centered by holding on from sending his CV?

**I'm I going to be so stupid for allowing him Go now.

Pls advise me on what to do..

God probably put you in the position to help him. God that made you meet someone like him to help you can also make you get someone else. But please don't be selfish and refuse to push him up because you need him. Don't stand in the way of his progress.

safarigirl:
yes, because the world is getting bigger and more innovative and women won't have to sell eggs on the road, when they can sell them online and in bulk, to retail stores like shoprite and Ebeano

How many men are farming like their fathers once did these days?

Glorifiers of Sufferhead life

They believe it is by hawking akara, or selling fried yam at the road side that makes a good mother

Randy100:
This kinds of mother won't be existing in the nearest future.

Do not underestimate the love of a mother. Old school or new school, a mother is a mother. And just the same way we have bad mothers now, there were bad mothers in our mothers' time too.

So quit the bashing. Because you guys always look for ways to discredit ladies and it's getting old and irritating. Many NL guys are becoming notorious for this as if that's all they are good for.

There's no excuse for cheating...for both parties.

That said. Only a childish and foolish husband will withhold sex and use it as a weapon to bend her to his will. It's not advisable for any of them to do so.

A man that can keep malice to the point of withholding sex for SIX MONTHS needs to relinquish his head of the house title to someone with sense.

Plead:
There’s a difference between the bride price itself and marriage list. You’re mixing the two of them up

I am speaking regardless whichever one it is. Not mixing them up

Plead:
I remember you were defending bride price on my bride price thread that I stated that it should be abolished . You said it was symbolic

What about this marriage list of a thing? Shouldn’t it be abolished ? There’s nothing symbolic about this

Pity to know that you carry things in mind. You should try offloading.

That it is symbolic doesn't mean it should become a money making scheme or wealth acquisition programme.

Just got some things from ali Express. Good deal.

Heroclitus:
Is it just me?

I do find it very difficult to believe that ladies like this actually do exist... How do they feel comfortable begging for things they can't afford themselves

Wait happened to courtesy?

They exist and they give other ladies a bad name. That's the reason for the generalization and bashing on NL

Women like is that don't nag nko? We say something once and act thereafter. I don't like whining, complaining or saying something over and over.

Velaxii:
Really? So people do bleach there kids

With funbact A too. Some parents mix it in their baby's cream

wamide042:
The funny thing is that the list may look too much but the items there cost less that what it seems to be...
I remember when i wanted to marry my beautiful wife.. when the list was brought i almost fainted so my wife and decided to go to their local market
I swear i felt like buying double of those items on the list...
50 litres of palm wine cost about one thousand two hundred... and some other things....
Marrying my Light skinned Esan sweetheart is the best decision i have made in my life.... and i never regretted it..
Four years down the line we still dey do like new found love..

Many of those things on the list should not be there...2 dozens of underwear, original wristwatch, carton of Amerian honey...what have these things got to do with a wedding?

I am akwaibom and married. I would have sparked for my family seriously if the list was outrageous. But they were not trying to get rich on my head.

anochuko01:
Useless in-laws.


Except they know that the guy can afford it without thinking twice. If not, whosoever came up with this list is an animal.

Just a greedy lot. Carton of Amerian honey, 2 dozens of underwear. He just used his shopping list as marriage list and things he has always wanted to buy for his wife. Things he cannot afford himself.

It's mostly the poor that act this way. They see marrying off their daughters as an opportunity to make stupid demands.

burggerx:
One thing that scares the hell out of me about my girlfriend is her attitude. When you talk about a disrespectful and unsubmissive lady, my girlfriend is the headquarters of all the disrespectful and unsubmissive ladies I've ever met. Even if she does something good, I don't tend to notice it because her bad attitude has already overshadowed the good side of her

Even if she acts respectful to me, it's so obvious she's only forcing it since it's a trait she lacks. Just when a little brawl ensues, curses and abusive words are usually not far-fetched from her mouth. She has even insulted my family before during a heated argument. The only thing my girlfriend is yet to do is to beat me up

I believe they say respect is earned but I've done everything a man should do to earn respect from his lady yet this lady talks to me like a kid. No sign of humility at all

My girlfriend is not only dominating but toxic and does not accept correction. She makes it look like giving authority as a man is slavery and she questions my authority every time. The annoying part is that she argues a lot and always wants to be right at all times. Feminism is written all over her to the extent that even in movies, my girlfriend will have the back of a woman who is unsubmissive and disrespectful to an innocent husband.

Although she acts like a respectful girlfriend in the presence of my family but my mom in question is smart enough to know that she's only faking it despite trying all my best to portray my girlfriend as someone that gives me joy in the face of my mom

Before my mom traveled to the UK in September, she sat me down up to three times and advised me to let go of this girl if I really want to spend the rest of life with peace of mind and that if I insist on marrying her, she doesn't have a choice than to respect my decision but she will remind me of her advice which I didn't yield to if I eventually end up as a frustrated man in the future

I've tried to terminate the relationship but she cries and makes the whole thing look like I don't love her and that if I do, I should be able to cope with her flaws. There was even a time she told me she doesn't have a choice than to respect me if I marry her and I was like WTF!

I have decided to call the relationship a quit once and for all since I'm not in for any future drama. I don't want to end up with a woman that will be rude and disrespect me in the face of my own children.

But there's one question I want to ask is that, can a ride girlfriend ever change after marriage? Is it worth taking the risk that she will change with time?

What will make her respect you as a husband? The ring?

You can see the handwriting on the wall. What do you want us to do? Clean it and write it again more clearly?

From your premises, you can easily draw your conclusions.

Saint52:
Being a JW from 1yr -18yr is the best gift anyone can give his kids

And after 18years?

ijewejones:
Used to admire this woman's cat eyes back in those days


One thing is sure...OLD AGE is come


Flex on Madam once there is life..enjoyment is free

And it will also come for you

sweetmelanin:
You're only saying this because she has successfully won you over to her side by sucking up to you.
... Not that I support the guy or anything, but lets play fair, genq often makes good points but sometimes let's himself get caught up in fights because female monikers wont let him be.... I watch a lot of you guys gang up and insult him and other male monikers just coz they have differing opinions.
Go and read Breaststroke other posts you will see what I'm saying, she's always insulting one guy or the other... why can't she just let things go

Gang up against male monikers?

In case you haven't noticed, it's usually the other way round with theses male monikers always insulting the women folk.

DeeMain:
Nne, the primary programmer of humans is their family upbringing. The other agents of socialization you mentioned matter too but are not as fundamental and far reaching as the family. Secondly, consciousness is a factor that helps certain individuals break free from many limiting beliefs and programs from their family.

Note: On your birthday example, sometimes the birthdays you are celebrating is because you want to rebel against a parent or the family, who never celebrates it. It's still your parents running you in this case even though you might feel it's you being independent.

And yes people can change too but it's not as easy as you are making it.

Yeah. Some people become conscious of these limitations or flaws and break free while others become set in their ways. People need to be compromising in necessary situations and to understand that it doesn't mean letting go of what they believe in. Besides, marriage for me means working together and having each other's interests at heart.

Our birthdays were celebrated. It's my parents who never celebrated theirs. At first it felt strange when my friends had parties to celebrate their parents birthdays.

Lalakas:
Go get a job esle I see it only getting worst. You were not adding financial value, plus he is a liar and sorry tou may not have known him really for that 7 years.

How did he get a job in the UK with a 6 months visiting visa? You don't sound intelligent, so you believed him?

My advise, look for a job fast, get busy and stop chasing shadows, you even wanted to study in Canada on him? But you said his business wasn't booming. Hmmm, girls/women easily get scammed when they fail to build themselves but wait for made men to feed and meet their needs.

If you don't get a value, this man will never value you .

Was the bolded necessary? Do you have to be derogatory? Na wa o. You are not intelligent for speaking in such manner.

tabithababy:
.


Just look at how your husband has been wasting your future, he doesn't want you to be successful in life

Your father already told you to go for the Abuja job and leave your kids, you refused. ......... So what happened finally?? No Abuja job, deserted the kids, no husband

It's not easy for a mother to just leave her kids. The kids could grow up and harbour resentment in their hearts for her especially if their dad tells them things to discredit her.

cococandy:
Who’s raising you people?

The house help and gate man

egwekwe:
This is your side of the story.. If we ask your husband I'm sure he'll as his as well .

But as married couple, you're meant to be honest with yourselves.

He should have told you he's going to UK. There's no excuse for that but then he might be struggling financially and not able to fund your travelling . Some african man feels egoistic about this type of issue.

Anytime he's back in Nigeria, tell him how you feel.. Tell him you're completely fed up and depressed.


His reaction should answer you.

In the meantime, get a job and continue with your life

You guys make husbands seem like a God or higher being that cannot be questioned or reproached for doing wrong.

Officialgarri:
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

That's not how marriage works. A husband/father doesn't just abandon his responsibility/family with the excuse that she is stubborn or has attitude or for one silly reason or the other. Is he perfect and without annoying flaws himself?

You accept your spouse with the good and bad and try to work together as a team. And not just bail like a coward.

tegafej:
Making a sex tape is not the issue to me.

The issue is it's protection. As such, on no grounds should anyone apart from the lovers be allowed to see it.

If you are not sure of this...

Make the videos, watch together and delete afterwards.

I prefer my sex life wild , crazy and fun!

That's why it shouldn't be made in the first place. Since the protection of the video is not guaranteed.

Cutting your nose off to spite your eyes.

blank:
I know right? That's why i'm wondering what kind of MIL you have.

A good one

blank:
So your MIL falls into the category of those who should behave themselves? Her going to your pot will be out of spite and disrespect?

I am only responsible for what I say and not how you choose to interpret it.

calgaryFriend:
There is no point getting into any discussion with you , looking at your response, it shows you lack the capacity to reason and iterate .
You quoted a bible verse to do what ? You are an example of a typical Nigerian youth, very lazy, mentally, physically and psychologically.
You are quick to quote the scripture without any intelligent analysis, an attempt to cover up your intellectual deficiency.

I am not your typical dumb Nigerian youth that you bamboozle with scripture, or an ignorant member of your fake church.

I asked the lady a simple question that she or neither you have been able to provide any response to...

How does celebrating/not celebrating birthdays become a factor of existence, and the question came up cos the poster write up that I quoted showed she considered her/her parents inability to celebrate her birthday to be a sort of anomaly or aberration.
If your parents cannot afford to celebrate birthday for you, its not a crime...

Very weak minded and entitled generation of youths...

Assumption is the mother of ignorance. I didn't mention finances as a hindrance. Ask questions when in doubt. It's more intelligent than assuming.

obailala:
The Babcock institution of course reserves the right to dissociate itself from any form of bad publicity. But the girl also reserves the right to be compensated by Babcock for being dismissed unlawfully. Unfortunately, this is Nigeria, in insane society where anything goes.

I am sure she didn't read those tiny prints because I am sure the school has some documentation and agreement she signed without reading to back up their action.

Mynd44:
But imagine if Babcock came out with a press statement saying they will be taking court actions against people who leaked the video and support the lady in question to justice against those who are using it to shame the lady.

Imagine they say although they hold morals in high regard, they also understand that she did it on holidays and they will make sure they set an example of those who are hiding to cause trouble and shame the woman for something that is not a crime.

Not every time try to remove yourself; sometimes shake and break tables. Show support and strength and stand for justice.

Sometimes be remembered for staying on the side of justice instead of triggering your flight emotion

but if they don't, it is still okay. They have a right to protect their name, identity and brand

She didn't think about showing support to herself by having some sense. She was feeling like a porn star and consented to being videoed. If she doesn't have any regard for herself, why should anyone bother?

She enjoyed the sex, she should damn the consequences and enjoy the publicity.

DenreleDave:
What if u lose the game

But you will take the offer first. Or would you turn down US, Canada and remain in Nigeria?