₦airaland Forum

jakandeola:
I respect u a lot dont let me get mad at u

I don't understand. So where is my house? I remember our vows ehn. You will just be mad for nothing.

Fountainofyouth:
Haven't you noticed that moniker is a renown slowpoke here, he always hyperventilates anytime he sees anything female, ignore him, sense is far from him.

Let him continue his wailing. When he's tired, he will quit.

TonyeBarcanista:
And who are the dogs that attacks? Are they not evil people? Or do good people attack just like that?

And yes, your idiom is DISRESPECTFUL to the husband and SILs in every word of it.

You people use words anyhow and expect to have peace.

You remind me of a friend that I told "it's such a shame that I didn't see you yesterday ". And my guy said "shame on who". Chai!! . My African men I hail o

TonyeBarcanista:
Madam, everyone have duty in peace process, including WIVES! She should just play her own part


What do you mean interfere or have a say? This is one reason many wives will keep having problem!

A wife belongs to the family she is married into. You people always want to separate husbands from their families. Shame!

A woman marries into the family. However, it is only a man and wife that are joined together. If not, our siblings and parents can all come in and tell us how we should live, how many kids we should have, what schools our kids should attend, when to make love...

I am not saying we have to let go of family. I even call and chat my husband's family more than he does. Your marriage is really what you make it. And minimizing family interference in your decisions is very important.

TonyeBarcanista:
I think it is you that doesn't understand the meaning of that expression.

Your assertion means the husband abandons his wife to his wicked and evil sisters.

Some of you ladies are really a menace in families.

See, IF you cannot cope in marriage don't marry or marry someone that can put up with your ideology.

I'm not surprised though, I have seen some of you girls pray for death of MILs and would-be MILs.

Throw someone to the dogs means "to abandon someone to criticism and attack"

I think it is you men that are over analysing the statement as typical African men that see disrespect in idioms.

crackhaus:
You must as a matter of fact, be quiet.

Any educated person reading that knows it is a figurative expression for worthlessness. So are your own SILs worthless?

Instead of you to take it back, you are doing damage control by trying to teach your ancestors English language.
You must be very silly.

You are obviously a child seeking attention. I don't have time for your tantrums.

jakandeola:
ur house or ur hubby house

What's the difference? My husband's house is my house.

crackhaus:
Is this what you call your own sisters-in-law? Dogs?
You people will call your SILs 'dog', call your MILs 'witch', call your female friends 'fake' - all of them, women just like you...and you still walk around thinking you lots don't have serious social problems with your own selves.

You should be very proud.
Nonsense.

I see you don't know anything about idiomatic expressions.

Google the phrase "throw someone to the dogs" and tell me if it has anything to do with someone being a dog

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

You won't understand this. You are the brother in this situation and nothing your sisters do will be seen as bad.

The Op's husband needs to balance the relationship from both sides. His sisters will treat his wife the way he treats her. When a wife comes into a family, some family members tend to see her as an intruder that has come to disrupt their family. It is the husband's job to integrate her into the family and protect her when necessary.

I am saying this from what I have seen. I have three SILs and my Older sister has 4 SILs but no issues. Everyone knows their boundaries. You cannot come into my house and assert authority and I won't go into yours to do same.

Family members are not meant to interfere or have a say in their son's/daughter's marriage.

Your husband is the problem. He cannot throw you to the dogs (his sisters). He needs to protect you from their fangs. If he cannot condition how they treat you with the way he himself treats you, there's really nothing you can do.

dawnomike:
I understand what you're going through dear. But please, If begging will save your marriage- please beg.
You are not a foolish wife, you're just been wise!
At the long run, you, your children and husband is all that matters. Others are extended family members.

NB:Your husband ought to protect you but sonce he in not doing that kindly play the fool for the sake of your children and to keep the love of the man you care so much about.

#Myopinion

Play the fool for how long?

I have a problem with this kind of advice that encourages the man to keep slacking in his responsibilities while the wife is left with "keeping the home together ". It takes two to tango. Both have a responsibility to their marriage.

Nwodosis:
Don't bother yourself about looking for solution on how to quit masturbation, it never works!
It is only ageing, regular sex or denying youself the privacy of being alone when the urge comes that can put an end to masturbation.
Masturbation is harmless unless from the religious angle. Even when it comes to religion, if you can masturbate without thinking about sex, it is not a sin.
How you can achieve that fit of masturbating without thinking about sex is left for you.
Finally, think about this before self guilt kills you that nature is in support of masturbation, have you ever wondered why you can't tickle youself but you can excite your sexual organs?

The bolded is a fallacy. Something that makes one deteriorate in health is not harmless.

Gaggi:
It's funny how women turn down men as teens and when in their early 20's but beg for attention at late 20's upwards. There is so much scheming, praying, manipulating etc just to get a husband. It's truly a man's world after all.

There's time for everything.

lavylilly:
Mention those things you can never do for love , no matter how much you love that person
I can't sacrifice my savings for love, i can't have a child out of wedlock for love, I can't turn my back against my loved ones for love and most of all I won't take a blood oat cuz of love fighting my fellow girl because of a man
sharing toothbrush
MouthAction (Abeg no give me head I won't give u BJ) I don't like it
Anal sex

I have done 3 of what you mentioned.

Strike anal out...I have to die first.

healthserve:
Hahaha haha @ quit your job and sit with her at home. Mogbe

A woman who cheats, will cheat regardless of the circumstances. Is it every banker, nurse, realtor, doctor that cheat on their husbands?

Men will definitely hit on women...married or single. Just this week, I have heard of two instances, a guy slept with his married colleague and her husband locked the guy up in a police cell. Another company... a man kept harassing a married colleague, pregnant for that matter. But she reported him and he was seriously punished.

Things happen. Let's not label every married career woman a cheat. I have been working since before university. And one man will just come and tell me to sit at home. He must have his head checked first.

Kingpee2:
We men can be rational sometimes ,don’t you think our children also deserves a working mother Incase anything goes wrong ,it could be anything ,I know a man that said this same words to his wife ,he’s regretting today because he’s now on wheelchair ever since he was involved in a terrible accident ,it could even be worse than that,save your children from financial crisis and stop being greedy over your trust issues ....If my wife wants to work Abeg let her work,after all ,it only means we both will be contributing and supporting in all ways ...

Even my MIL lamented to me. Her husband didn't let her work and he passed on at about 50yrs plus. She had to depend on whatever the children could send to her till now. She doesn't have any savings, pension, etc.

That decision by husbands should be well thought through. I was very careful about marrying a man with such mentality. I can't have someone surpress me because of his insecurities.

A housewife can be idle enough to sleep with her neighbour. If you are trying to curb a cheating wife, quit your own job too and sit with her at home

Freeda08:
I have been for 5 years now but there has been no lasting happiness here. Smile for 2 weeks fight for month.
You see I have a manipulative husband he can do no wrong in his own eyes, I have to be at fault for everything. He has painted it to everybody that I am always the problem.
In the beginning of the marriage I took a lot of bullshit from him and his family all in the name of I want to please my husband but it has never been enough.
We had an issue some days back and boom he has called my family members to report me it's what he loves to do. I was shocked because this is an issue we could have sat down to iron out.
Here are the problems
He is old fashioned he believes he can insult u but you shouldn't do the same
He doesn't help with the major chores in the house only the few ones that are simple and this is only done at his convenience, if I decide to talk about this na fight!
When he borrows money from someone and I tell him to return it gradually he doesn't listen more like he is not a good in saving
He likes to keep malice and rejects food once we have issues
He is always his phone doing what I dont understand (I dont think he is cheating)
He never owns up to his mistakes he wants me to always beg
He doesn't make any effort in sorting issues amicably it has to always be me
I am always the chatter box
He doesn't go out of his way for me
If you mistakenly tell him to say what I did wrong during a quarrel jeez he paints me awfully black to everyone
So many things I cant write here
I am tired to be honest I am a good wife I support him virtually in any way I can. I have my own issues afterall no one is perfect but I sincerely watch it because I hate drama

Now I have grown a thick skin to him, I dont even love or feel loved by him anymore.
I want things to change and work out but i am tired of being the first person always he takes advantage of that all the time and never changes
Chores are crazy we have 2 kids. I virtually do everything by myself
I just want to be heard and have a good marriage but its exhausting making all the efforts all the time. I just want him to make the move genuinely so we can be on the same page.

What can I do?
Pls note I have sat him down countless times no changes.

I just want a better marriage first before thinking of divorce.

The bolded is the culprit. When you start taking rubbish from the start, it becomes a norm. We should never take or allow unacceptable behaviour all in a bid to make our spouses happy because it always backfires.

Now you even have to apologize for his own mistakes and be the one to resolve all issues. Some people will tell you that you should do things an accept rubbish as a wife to keep peace in the house. That is just another manipulative statement.

Ralpdee123:
Uncle Lala...
Please help move for wider response.....

I feel marriage have scammed me...

Marriage didn't scam you. You scammed marriage.

You jumped in. That's why they say "fools rush in"

Normal course of events...you meet a girl, date/court, ask her to marry you, plan for a wedding and marriage. But in your case, you followed your own order and it has led you into this trap.

I am sure when you used to hear the phrase "self control", you would turn your ear the other way as if they are talking to another person.

See where 5 mins of pleasurable skin to skin has landed you and turned your life upside down. I hope the pleasure was worth it. A girl you probably wouldn't have married ordinarily if you had dated her and known her well, you are now trapped with her because you couldn't keep "it" in your pants.

Your wife should not be silent on this. She is the one that should manage the situation with your dad. It's her job to make sure they show you respect as her husband. It's her family and she can clear them and put a stop to the nonsense. Or is she absent from the marriage?

That said, please minimize situations that make you guys cross paths. Move to another church. Stay in your house and visit them less.

About the degrading prostrating request, some parents need to be challenged and put in their places. Because they were once young men and probably would not take this shiit he's dishing out to you. Please maintain your self respect and let him understand that you won't be bullied or taken for a fool.

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

You have the rest of your lives to live together and you guys are just starting. Can you live a life of unhappiness for the next 50 yrs?

I believe you should explore every option of reconciliation with your wife. You guys loved each other and you can bring that love back. Before you think of divorce, act like there's no other option than to stay and see how you guys can manage your excesses and love in the happiness you had earlier.

The lady you speak about might be looking like everything perfect that your wife doesn't have. She's like a breath of fresh air...perfect rebound. You don't know the demons you will be fighting once she also settles in. So please be careful about settling down for now because your judgement is clouded with your wife's flaws and it's making you see this new lady as everything you need.

Casemiro:
nice suggestions there..




You can keep saying insecure all you want, but Everyman to his own..


some men want women working in big organizations and offices, while some prefer them stay at home..



Stories flying up and down especially on Nairaland are enough to make such men not change their mind.



from colleague colleague,

they start something funny.

Before you know one thing has happened and the do done.



It's not insecurity on the part of such men,

they just don't want their wives to always be in an occasion of sin, where there would be much pressure..





no need trying to sound politically correct, we know what really happens inside life..



once again thanks for your suggestions.



MODIFIED !!!!!!



If you like quote me full textbook calling me insecure, I will never try to sound politically correct just to win cheap likes on nairaland.




You can give motivational quotes or try to win likes all you want, but we know that


theory is different from practical.




Inside life, we know how things operate.




I asked a simple question,

'' What Wife Friendly Occupation Would You Suggest? "


Can't you just pass if you don't have contributions?





marriage is for two who agree to get together.



If you are a career woman, marry a career man.


Simple!

So any woman that marries you has to give up her dreams and ambitions because of your insecurities.

Should a husband have the right to cut short his wife's ambitions/career because she now bears his name?

African men have a long way to go

luminouz:
loool...
I'm in the education and sports sectors,so I'm pretty sure.

So you are saying it's not possible?

luminouz:
Lol...
Most Nigerian girls dont do what you did babe....

You aren't sure about that. There are so many dancers, athletes, etc. I am not talking about those who lost it having sex. My 2 year old daughter did a full split yesterday and it got me thinking.

Na so I just download this Tinder app. hoping to find some sexy girls to bang. na so I open chat with one girl. I tell her make she come my side. u no watin she tell Me? She say 30k for short time. I laugh tire!! U dey MAD!! the sex go carryme go heaven? Chai! imagine such Bullshit! I just delete am sharpaly! These Girls dey Mad no b small!

Add two zeros to that. That's what some celebs charge for one night.

luminouz:
The way you shout sports eh dey baffle me. How many girls dey do cycling and horse riding. Just say she might have lost it pounding yam or fufu.

If only you know how many splits the girls in my dance group and I did then. We used to worry that it would affect something down there because all of us were Vs then. Also the first time I tried to ride a horse on the beach, I has to scream for the rider to stop because it was so painful down there. I was wondering how people manage galloping on a horse.

A lot of things can actually affect the hymen that can lead to explanation that we can't even explain.

Djbond:
My 1 and half year old cries a lot. I don't know why. Please is there any drugs I can buy for her

A 1 and a half year ole is no longer a little baby and should not cry as much. It's possible she has been overindulge or there is something wrong that requires you to see a paediatrician

Freethought:
I know a lot of you are going to blaim me buh please let your message to me come with an advise. We are in a state of real dilemma

Few months ago, i opened a thread on how we both found out we were both of AS genotype and how we couldn't stop having sex. Well as against some advices here, we didn't stop having sex until this past weekend wen we found out that she's pregnant.

I remember the month after we found out about the genotype, she told me she told her parents that she's gon get married to me no matter what, they practically begged her not to, telling her different stories of SS children they know

We haven't told anybody about the pregnancy yet . We are scared every single one of them will blame us and think we did it intentionally just to get married.

I love her and I'm sure she loves me too buh this pregnancy, the tot of it alone being SS is scaring the shit out of us.

We don't know what to do

This love will become strained when you have SS children that you caring and worrying for.

At this point, all you can do is pray that the child is not SS. And then you can plan your children to be either AS or AA (I think that's possible now).

Dreiwizzy:
For reasonable first sons only. Some are selfish, they don't care at all

It's actually not reasonable to carry such a burden that belongs to the father. While he's raring children, it's the first son that should be burdened with taking care of them. Not cool

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

He has physically abused you
He has verbally abused you
He called your sister a prostitute
He is jealous, possessive and hot tempered.

And you are asking if you should go. No, stay.

Osyxcel:
I agree you with you. I hope the OP genuinely regrets what he did. The woman should give him the benefit of doubt. If it then happens again, then the woman would be absolutely right to leave him.

I do not support domestic violence.

Yeah. But sometimes that benefit of doubt could be abused and lead to more beatings. There are women that can't stand being beaten. Still, staying or leaving is a personal choice.

If my father stopped beating me as I became mature. The person that brought me into this world didn't see it fit to beat me when I offended. Why would a man who I was handed over to by my father with the promise of being loved and cherished beat me? That's my mindset and understanding. Beating should not even be in the equation.

danilmo:
Even at the first time with apology, not even second o?? then Such women should stay out of Marriage.

ok who knows if she also have 0 tolerance on how to train stubborn children wahala

all baby butter girls self

Does an apology change the fact that he hit her? When the one that is supposed to "love and cherish you" raises his hand to hit you, it is an affront on the woman and a sign or disrespect and disregard; a sign of irresponsibility, lack of control and restraint.

Beating doesn't come with marriage as you make it sound. So whether it's the first, second or half time, she has the right to decide a course of action. Because people have died because they decided to keep accepting apologies and staying.

A man that hits a woman and thinks it's ok should be watched because he is a danger to people around him and to himself. I don't take domestic abuse lightly whether from a man or woman. If the spouse chooses to leave, it's a decision that should be respected.

Osyxcel:
As much as you did wrong for hitting your wife, if it's truly the first time something of such ever happened and you've never maltreated her before, then she went overboard reporting to her family members and packing her things out.

Just contact her and apologize with a promise such won't happen again. It may take her time to heal. Let her heal.

People that constantly beat their wives, it also started as a first time. Besides, some women have 0 tolerance for physical abuse and would react quick and even seemingly over the top. It could be to make sure he thinks twice before he allows the devil enter him again.