₦airaland Forum

peter stands out by a mile! was a force to reckon with!

correct man!! wishing you both more years to love smile and share great things together! cheers!!

oh oh oh ohhhh!! you have woken up a giant in me this weekend! I'm going to dig up the poems and love letters from my archives and read them to her...some date back 1995! choi!
you know, each time I'm unhappy with her behaviour I often go over our old pictures we took during our courtship days and some books we shared ...that helps me feel love even more and helps me forgive her shortcomings!
OP...you sabi something! thanks for this.

Jolonjolo:
LOVE DYNAMICS TODAY
IF THAT LOVE DOES NOT SHOW, THAT LOVE IS NOT SO!

Key thoughts; The rewards of love can never be attained without taking the risk of getting hurt. However never confuse the expression of love with the intensity of love. I believe love is a show business. If a love does not show, that love is not so. Simple as that sounds, a lot of people struggle with the expression of love both in human and divine relationships. Hopefully by reading this article we intend to solve this complex equation permanently.

The first reason why most people in our generation struggle with the expression of love in their relationships is because most of us are descendants of parents who are stoic in disposition. Stoics are people who subscribe to Philosopher Zeno‘s school of thought, that people should be free of passion and unmoved by joy,love and grief. Though our forefathers might not have studied Zeno, their propensity for expressionless relationships was a confirmation of his ideologies. This is especially true in the African and Asian contexts. As a young man moving close to my forties, I do not have any clear memory of my Dad ever hugging my Mum. The implication of growing up in such expressionless homes for the first 18 to 20years of our lives meant that we lost the opportunity of learning how to express love in our first learning environment. Most men still struggle with this foundation today.

The second reason why people struggle with the expression of love in their relationships is because of the globalization of evangelical/puritan Christianity and Islam. It was as if the pioneering missionaries of these global movements equated spirituality with the denial of emotional expression. As these religions gained social acceptance, many people began to pay the high price of emotional denial in other to attain the lofty height of spiritual excellence. Most clergy were even trained never to comment on the emotional side of human beings. Teachings on sexuality were rare, and many adherents of these religions went underground with their emotional nature while these religious institutions lost the vital opportunity of being a defining influence in the emotional lives of the people. We must commend these flourishing religions for the democratization of morality in our society, without which our civilization would have been long extinct. We however must also acknowledge the fact that, the emotional denial generated by the extreme advocacy for morality needs to be addressed by a more engaging and socially relevant generation of clergy who are not afraid to have a say in the emotional struggles of their day.

The third reason why some struggle with the expression of love in their relationship is temperamental in nature. Some temperaments seem to be saddled with a deficit in emotional expression. For example, phlegmatics and melancholies compared to sanguines and cholerics who are expressive and buoyant by nature. This is not to say that the first two temperaments do not feel love deeply, they simply do not have as much competence in expression as the other two temperaments. This enabled me coin the term “feelers” and “expressers” in my research on the subject about a decade ago. Feelers to me, are people who have greater depth of feelings than they are able to express,while expressers are people who have greater competence in expression than they actually do feel. The two fold implication of this understanding is that every lover must find out if your partner is a feeler or an expresser. Then with patience and understanding help your partner develop the strengths necessary in their predominant area of weakness,in a non judgmental atmosphere.

The final reason why many lovers struggle with the expression of emotional love is due to past hurts of people who took their love for granted. Almost every lover has had the experience of someone taking your revealed feelings for granted. Most lovers leave such painful circumstances with a vow never to be hurt again. Many therefore will rather conceal their love for another, than risk getting hurt again. The truth however is that the rewards of love can never be attained without taking the risks of getting hurt. On this I agree with Eddie L. Long when he defined love as giving another person the power to hurt you but trusting them not to do so. Sometime in future we shall address the subject of risk management in love. It is however crucial not to confuse the expression of love with the intensity of love. The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately wicked: who can know it. There are certain wicked individuals who derive pleasure from leading people on emotionally for the fun of it. Others do so, in other to get back at someone else who hurt them in their past. This is why you must prove all things emotional and only hold fast to that which you have proven to be true.

That said, every lover must understand that demonstrating open love for your partner is a fundamental lover’s right. If you can’t show them you really love them,it is best you leave them alone. All emotionally stingy lovers must prepare their heart to loose their partner once a more benevolent lover shows up in their partner’s life.
Finally we must understand that there should be responsible limits of expression in love for unmarried couples. For example, sexual expression is best reserved for the depth of marital union, if you won’t get used and hurt. There is no better way to end this article than the way we started it. Love is show business,if the love does not show that love is not so.

THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!
Deji Olabode
LOVE DYNAMICS GLOBAL .
ENTHRONEMENT ASSEMBLY LAGOS.
lovedynamix@gmail.com

my guy you have really done some good research into this!
suffice to say, all one needs is some therapy to disengage from the weakness that doesn't allow full fledged expression of one's true feeling of love.
kudos, we learn daily.

cummando:
That's what I call "hot phone"

bahahahaaa...infinix hot!

curiosity preparing for the drill process

NASA's Mars rover Curiosity is making strides toward bringing its rock-boring drill back online.
On Oct. 17, Curiosity pressed its drill against a Martian rock for the first time since December 2016, as part of a test designed to help assess the feasibility of a new drilling technique, mission team members said.
That technique involves using Curiosity's 7-foot-long (2.1 meters) robotic arm to push the extended drill bit into rock, without the aid of two stabilizing posts. In the old method, the stabilizers were pressed to the rock, one on each side of the withdrawn bit; the bit was then pushed forward via a "drill feed mechanism."
But the feed mechanism , and Curiosity hasn't drilled a rock since. That's a big deal, because analyzing the powder pulled from the interior of drilled rocks is at the core of the rover's $2.5 billion mission. Such analyses have allowed the rover team to determine that Mars' Gale Crater—which Curiosity has been exploring since the probe's August 2012 landing—could have in the ancient past.
During the Oct. 17 test, Curiosity pushed the extended drill bit against a Martian rock, then exerted some side-to-side force, measuring everything with an onboard force sensor.
"This is the first time we've ever placed the drill bit directly on a Martian rock without stabilizers," Douglas Klein, of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena, California, said in a statement.
"The test is to gain better understanding of how the force/torque sensor on the arm provides information about side forces," added Klein, the chief engineer for Curiosity's return-to-drilling work.
Such knowledge will likely be key to future drilling efforts: If side forces are too great, the bit could get stuck in a rock, NASA officials said:
A Curiosity-like test rover at JPL has managed to collect samples from drilled rocks using the new extended-bit technique, mission team members said.
"The development work and testing here at JPL has been promising," Curiosity deputy project manager Steve Lee, also of JPL, . "The next step is to assess the force/torque sensor on Mars. We've made tremendous progress in developing feed-extended drilling, using the rover's versatile capabilities beyond the original design concepts. While there are still uncertainties that may complicate attempts to drill on Mars again, we are optimistic."
Even if everything goes perfectly, however, it will still be several months before Curiosity resumes full-on drilling operations on Mars, NASA officials said.
The car-size rover is nearing the top of the 20-story-tall Vera Rubin Ridge, a landform on the flanks of Mount Sharp, which rises 3.4 miles (5.5 kilometers) into the sky from Gale's center. Mission team members want Curiosity to keep climbing up through the mountain's foothills, reading a history of Mars' past environmental conditions in the rocks along the way.

Comet C/2017 U1 was first spotted by a telescope in Hawaii on 18 October
It was then spotted 34 separate times in the week that followed
Most comets follow ellipse-shaped orbits around the sun
But this comet orbits at an angle, and does not appear to go round the sun
Experts suggest this shows that it comes from interstellar space
While comets regularly fly through our solar system, scientists believe they may have spotted a comet from another solar system passing by Earth for the first time.
The comet, called C/2017 U1 was spotted by a telescope in Hawaii on 18 October, and was then seen 34 separate times in the week after.
Based on its bizarre trajectory, astronomers believe C/2017 U1 may be the first comet ever seen that came from interstellar space and through our solar system.

WHERE DID IT COME FROM?
Most comets follow ellipse-shaped orbits around the sun.
But this comet appears to orbit at an angle, and doesn't circle the sun.
Its orbital path suggests it entered our solar system from the direction of the constellation Lyra, looped around the sun, and will never return.
But others have suggested that the comet did come from Earth, but interacted with Jupiter or another planet, which changed its orbit.
While most comets follow ellipse-shaped orbits around the sun, this comet appears to orbit at an angle, and doesn't circle the sun.
Its orbital path suggests it entered our solar system from the direction of the constellation Lyra, looped around the sun, and will never return.
Speaking to New Scientist, Dr Simon Porter, a planetary scientist at Southwest Research Institute said: 'It's coming from very far away, but we can't actually backtrack how far away it started.
'It could be that it's coming from outside the solar system, but it's really hard to tell.'
Observations published by the International Astronomical Union's Minor Planet Centre (MPC) suggest the comet likely escaped the orbit of another star.

Differential:
Lots of wonderful insights on this thread. Eye-opening for single folks like me.

KanwuliaExtra - Bosslady, I'm just reading your posts like ohmygosh, hmmm, wow!! Can you create your own thread and write/paste all your posts in there?

Jaszplus12 - Wow, you courted for 8 years?! Was this because you met when you were teenagers/late teens and you had to wait till you were older to get married or you met as adults yet still courted for 8 years 'cuz you wanted to be sure you were making the right decision? Hope that question makes sense.


LewsTherin - Thanks for sharing your thoughts too


Sorry for leaving anyone out. Everyone in here has written great stuff!! Please keep them coming because I'm reading and digesting everything.

thanks for the mention
ah...we met during our first year at the university and of course poor guy/babe we had to work, run a small biz, do odd jobs alongside school and back then ASUU didn't help matters therefore 2 years was added to our regular course in school. one thing though, we had no one to truly mentor us about marriage else I'm sure we would have not courted for that long!
anyway we're happy and no regrets!

Biospnx:
July 07th

at last! Hi!

Biospnx:
July 07th

at last! Hi!

UjuJoan2:
Actually I didn't get this stance untill I actually got married. Like most mills and boons lovers I dreamt of getting married and living a fairytale, but that's not always the case is it Reality hits you hard on the head like a rock and then you start wondering why you ever thought it was going to be a bed of roses.

So I'm giving back by teaching young people to find their peace before settling down with anyone, or else they will be in for a life of disappointment.

I don't see how that makes me unhappy or in bondage. I think I have the best marriage because I and my husband are not under any sort of pressure to be 'perfect'. We are happy with each other just the day we are.

Why do you even care if I'm happy or not? Hope you are not one of the monitoring spirits?

Awwww. . . . The bolded is just sweet. Thanks!

I'm happy to see that a lady is enjoying her marriage because she decided to add value to it!! keep it up...
some are here playing ostrich yet and calling marriage "slavery"...I jus dey observe.
I dey like to see a happy woman!

Pidgin2:
Your wife may have a different opinion because most times women sacrifice a lot more than men in marriages to make things work so it's likely she will have a much different opinion

yes. and I'm not sure I've said my wife sees the same way I do. in fact we vary in so many ways and I think its the variation that drew me closer! and I'm sure you will agree with me that two cannot stay together unless they agree. meaning all our years together has been that we agree to agree on some issues and of course disagree on many others yet choose to live together and forge a bond!
depending on how you view it, but I can't agree totally that women sacrifice more in a marriage.
I'm sure you understand my point of view...

Martin0:
Hahahahah na wa oooo I hope say ur sunday iz zaba-zaba eh

very zaba-zaba! thx ... hope yours dey goody goody!

Martin0:
Thanks man. When I checked ur pics I thought u a Rev I appreciate ur comment

you're welcome bro! as for that pix ....I'm just a guy as ordinary as a thread in a loom!

Martin0:
Thanks man. When I checked ur pics I thought u a Rev I appreciate ur comment

you're welcome bro! as for that pix ....I'm just a guy as ordinary as a thread in a loom!

Martin0:
Dear ladies please when you are packing your bags into that marriage, bring the following things along with you if you really want to build a blissful and colourful marriage .
1. Don't just bring your breasts, come along with your brain. You know why? After childbearing & breastfeeding, that breasts may fall down in shape. Your breasts may fall but your brain must not fall lest your marriage falls with it! Come along with a functional brain! You need it more than your fronted breasts! .
2.Don't just bring your virginity, come along with integrity! Yes, it is a glorious and commendable thing for you to come into your marriage with your virginity But you know what?, beyond bringing your virginity, pls bring integrity along. Your virginity will leave you on your wedding night but it is your integrity that will remain with you and make you remain in that marriage & make your marriage remain, quote ogaboss anywhere .
3. Don't just come with painted & succulent lips, come along with a praying & supplicating lips. Sincerely, it is good to have succulent lips but you need more than a painted & succulent lips to build a prevailing marriage! You must have a praying lip and a lip that can supplicate in the place of prayer.
. As a woman, you're expected to be a prayer champion, you need to pray always when things are in order and not in order, when things are in good shape and not in good shape. Your lips are not just for painting, it is mainly for serious communication with God... Kindly share

great write up!! just happy to read this!

ElsonMorali:
Well I'm in No position to share any experience (non to share since I'm not married yet) But I know I'll make a Good husband to my wife and a great father to my kids. How do I know? I just know.

you've said it...and I'm sure you'll work towards it!! cheers man!!

KanwuliaExtra:
Unlike you, I have since learned to take what people say with a pinch of pepper.

Look inside the heart.

Marriage is a life sentence, no need to ask “how many years”!

Bondage na bondage, some slaves have no where to run to. Why trade “slave masters”?

you're right dear...everything you have said is right! but it's in your head!!!
now question: have you ever been married? are you married to a man who believes you're just his furniture? something made you "find yourself"! if it's someone else's experience then you must go into the woods first before crying wolf!

you're a slave to your ideas too cos its chained you to believe that others are slaves to their own ideas!!

KanwuliaExtra:
Shalom!

Please, don’t forget to interview your “wife” on how she really feels being married to you.

You might just be shocked that you are not her soul mate o.

I stopped searching because I finally found ME!
Most women need to FIND THEMSELVES.

Marriage is not the answer.

So long my darling.

Take some “milk of the poppy” and rest well this weekend.

funny enough my wife asked me some days ago if I know why she married me in the first place! well, for your info she's right here watching and reading our exchange and if she secretly feels I'm not her soulmate and probably had wished she married someone else... she's 24 years too late!!
I'll take your advice and have some milk of the poppy this weekend... I need it, she needs it too...
what will you be having for yourself? I'll really love to know!

nice write up! very educating too!

TheSonOfMark:
Just read and research wild and wide. Arm yourself with enough information to make these uninformed and misinformed pseudo-liberals-cum-atheists cower.

You're certainly welcome, man.

I read wide and wild man, yet your message is like the extra knockout punch! thanks man!!

LewsTherin:
For me, the biggest challange to marriage is that it involves 2 people. One may strive to make it work while the other works to make strife. Only when both parties are equally or similarly committed to make it work will any marriage work. It is important also the reason for getting married in the first place and the mindset that the marriage begins with.

I can only speak for myself. I married my Lady because I had to. I decided I had to marry her about 5 years into our relationship. But she was still in school then. We had been in a distance relationship for a while but anytime she was with me, I felt complete. After a while, I didn't see any advantage in living without her on my arm at all times Seriously. Also I wanted her baaad. But my faith would only allow it in the sanctity of marriage. As to being "wife material" , I don't think I could have remained in a relationship that long if she wasn't a lady in all sense of the word.

We are in our 7th year now, got one princess that feels like 7 and most people who see us are always surprised that we have been married longer than 6 months. That's how we act. We manage this by a couple of steps.

1. We both share the same faith and this goes a very very long way.
2. We both realise that we both have to work to make this work.
3. We had set ground rules on everything from number of children and spacing to how long mother-in-law can stay with us, to financial responsibilities even to TV programs.
4. Compromise. Lots of it. Although sometimes this can be annoying. A typical conversation goes "Honey whats for dinner" "I don't know. What do you want?" "I don't know, what do YOU want" And in my mind I'm going "Just decide on some damn food woman!" But we know we have to carry each other along on all matters to cut down on disagreements and such.
5. I help around the house a lot. Right now, most mornings I make breakfast. My Lady is heavy again and it is stressful for her. She also has to prepare our Jewel for school so it makes sense we split the chores.
6. She agrees that I lead. This doesn't make me an authoritarian figure. It simply means if there is a disagreement on what to do, I get to decide and she'll follow my lead. To me, this means I have a responsibility to be right for my family which makes me very careful and enables me take her advice and opinions to heart.

These are just some of the things we do. Not limited to this and there are exceptions to every. Point is we both work at it. And everyone I know that share similar ideas and steps in their marriage have successful marriages. Heck, I know more successful marriages around me than I know of stressful or failed marriages.

thank you very much for this!
I wish that singles will learn from this narrative and take the marriage thing seriously so as to live a calm and peaceful life as the Almighty permits!!
I sincerely wish you both more reasons for working out every thorny issue in your marriage!!

TheSonOfMark:
Another validation-seeking humanoid trying to pass of her ignorance as a goldmine of valuable knowledge.

The Maya and Inca of ancient American civilization believed in reincarnation into beings depending on each individual's moral deeds on earth. Punishments and rewards based on moral systems which the Heaven and Earth touted by Christianity tow.

The Vikings of Scandinavia believed a man's prowess in battle decides his eligibility for Valhalla or not. A reward system which Heaven and Earth belief tow.

African traditional religion expounds reincarnation and moral rewards system and afterlife.

Need I go on? Yet you make Christianity a dart board for your poisonous arrows of misinformation and falsehood.


You should read more books on history than Instagram pics story!

you just dey give me ammunition to shoot some pipu wey dey trive on ignorant bliss!!
thank you sah!

KanwuliaExtra:
Hahahahaha
Please, bring your wife to “testify”!
Marriage is always “A Tale Of Two Cities”!
You have only told ONE TALE.

A woman’s version is always different . . . . Of course. Especially if it is A NIGERIAN or AFRICAN woman’s tale of WOES.

Congratulations!

Perhaps, in another lifetime, the rest of us will be as lucky as “you”!

In marriage “contentment” is the only “GAMBIT”!

Enjoy your “bliss”. I nor dey complain o.

Have a blessed morning.

Off to work.

hehehehe...some more info about your ideas keep coming forth!
anyway you started the thread in order to help others with their challenges in marriage but seems you only wanted a chance to take pot shots at people's ideas!
it's quite evident you who is single cannot and do not have the capacity to "advice" anyone!
have a great day at work....

OneManLegion:
The bolded is wrong, my girl came to see me at Ilorin from PH.

That's a bit far, bro.

Truth is jerks will always abound everywhere; off and online.
No place is insulated from stupid people

ok bro...I stand corrected.
I bet it's cos you're genuinely transparent and she's transparently genuine, that's why she made that trip...
keep it up!