₦airaland Forum

Cyberknight:
The same also applies for women who have property to leave. We all seem fixated on the fact that it is the men who are going to die early and leave children for their wives to bring up. What about women who have substantial assets of their own? Are they not afraid of their husband's frittering them away? Also remember that in this part of the world, men have more sexual freedom than women do and as such are more likely to engage in the scenario you mentioned above.

And finally, the main point here is that you are still thinking from an African man's cultural point of view - i.e the children belong to me, they are mine and not those of the woman who I paid for. My brother, women are equally or even more committed to their children.

lol.of course im an african man and i have in fact discovered the ways and words of our fathers concerning marriage are words and ways of wisdom.naturally an older person will die first and the man is the older .i quite agree with u that atimes the rverse is the case and the woman is the richer person which is quite an aberation.once your wife is richer than u and she is not on d same religious level with kadija who was prophet muhammed wife,she ceases to be the wife but the husband and this is the bane of today's marriage.the inability to own your wife and consequently all that she has including money,the marriage must fail where the wif is richer than the hubby and yet not subscribed to religious values.

filiks:
First of all, I'm sorry about your situation.

But it's no 'super story', my friend. Every story cannot be the same.

And yea, people do change, change is constant so everyone should expect it. But it is also very possible to manage that change and if possible flow with it. And if you truly think you can't work it out, then...

But I've also observed that most times, people overlook certain behaviors their spouse exhibit before marriage hoping they'll magically disappear after walking down the aisle. I'm not saying it was the same in your case though.

the lady who call it a super story is right.almost everyone got married to someone they were sure its a friend.even in your own super story ,you need to remain prayerful as a stranger might even be delighting your spouse right now on whassap pr skype unknown to u.havent u heard of guys who are sure they have a great marriage and reached hom to find out that the wife has packed to an unknown destination.yes you can say the way it is in your marriage today,what about tomorrow.thas why the bible advise he that standeth to take heed lest he fall .people change,that is my point,for good,bad or no reason,they change and you have to move on or die worrying why they change.all the best

Cyberknight:
There are NO legal uncertainities arising from customary law marriages. That is what the customary courts are there for.
Customary courts are constituted with persons from the immediate area in which they are located who are appointed on the basis of the fact that they are deemed to be familiar with their own people's customs. I do not know if and how familiar you are with your own tribal customs, but I am quite familiar with mine, and I can state that unfortunately, customs in my part of Igboland are not favourable to women in the event of a dissolution of a marriage mainly because the man is deemed to own the children (based on the ancient seed garden theory, perhaps), while women are considered chattels. So they go home to their father's houses empty-handed, while their families are required to return the brideprice and other anciliaries handed over when the marriage was contracted, etc, etc.

The witnesses to such a marriage can be legion or few as the case may be, but there are always people who were or are aware of the event. Surely not every single person who witnessed my marriage in both my family or my wife's family is dead now. And of course, pictures usually are extant, if there are any children there must be one or more birth certificates listing names of parents and so forth. I can assure you that evidence of such marriages is usually not difficult to obtain. Let me digress a bit and state that in every situation there is always a standard of proof that has to be met (which can change). Proving the existence of a marriage is not an uphill battle.

Secondly, you must understand that if a man contracts a customary marriage at home then goes abroad and contracts a statutory marriage there is no one to know that he has committed fraud, but that does not make it no longer fraud, it is still fraud. Obviously, once an interested party decides to demonstrate the fraud, then the law and its consequences shall kick in.

And finally, in answer to the hypothethical question you posed earlier, in my part of Igboland, as I have said, unfortunately customary law with respect to inheritance does not favour women and the widow in your case would not be able to inherit in the sense of owning the land - it will revert to her husband's family. However, customary law is not always unfair - the woman has a right to support and given that she "belongs" to her husband's family, they MUST support her and "their" children, and if the peasant farming was her husband's only means of support, she will most likely be allowed to continue with it to some extent. The woman's right to support can be enforced against the husband's family under customary law in my part of Igboland.

customary marriage does not forbid a man from marrying another wife under english law and english law simply says the man should not have been married under the english law before and after the english law wedding,the man commits bigamy only iof he marries another under the english law so bigamy cannot be the offence if goes ahead to marry another under customary law,says the supreme court of nigeria.

Cyberknight:
Very well said. That is just the heart of the matter - matrimonial rights. And it must be pointed out that the sad fact is that most women see matrimonial rights from the point of view of a) being able to lay claim to their husband's property in the event of his death or b) being able to prevent being destituted by their husband's family in the event of his death. However, with modern life and the attendant increasing economic empowerment of women, one hopes that that mindset shall change. It is changing, albeit slowly.

personally I do not believe that my brothers or my family should ever inherit anything belonging to me as I have my own nuclear family. I have always believed that times have changed drastically and the best person to take care of a man's children in the event of his untimely death is usually not his brother, but his wife, who is the mother of said children and is the person most likely to have their best interests at heart.

by this u assume the wife is responsible enough not to fall madly in love with a fraudster and fritters all your investments on this lazy man whose dick your wife is craxy about after your death .it is often the case that some wives after their death of thier husbands even abandon thir own kinds and elope with a randy guy,some even start competing with their daughter for men.so it is advisable you put up a Will and appoint a management committee consisting of your wife,family members,friends and professionals TO MANAGE YOUR PROPERTY.With the knowledge of your wife you can create fixed deposit in old banks such as first bank in favour of your kids..That way you have a beeter assurance that your investments will not be frittered away on a gigolo by randy wives and daughters and their tribe is increasing evry minute.YOU can endow grants in the name of universities with the instructions that interests on those cash endowments be used to settle the school fees of certain indigent persons plus any of your kids who are enrolled in that school.do this for 5 good universities and u can go die happily.

divorce case is expensive.i charge 500k minimum so my advise is if are not sure ,too sure of yourselves yet.b content with payment pf bride price.registry wedding and celebrations are better done after the flow is assured.realise you are marrying in a fun era where fun is the predominant factor.very soon a spouse discover u are not fun enof cus a better fun man/woman is meant on the internet and off they go to meet the fun person.wisdom demands it pays for both especially women to simply return the brideprice and move on rather than be saddled wit the cost and trauma of a divorce case.

failed politicians.it is d man that ruled for over a decade and dragged to the marketplacer that will foster a new future for nigeria.it is time to boycott all elections if there is no credible candiates to vote for?

lynpetra:
i believe i am, getting married because i love,cherish and wish to spend my natural life with a well deserved companion..Kids are added advantage.I can not and will not,in all my existence in this life and in the after divorce my husband on that groun.Impotency is not and will not be the basis to measure my marriage.It won't even bring chaos.It sure can bring one thing and that's redemption.I will prove to him that he has got me,we must find a way to have children of our own,if he choose to be open minded.Impotency to me is Nothing.Not even my parents,friends will ever know nada!Not even the gods!!

u sounds impressive.where will u b located .

IF THE IMPOTENCY has not always been there,if it develops after the marriage.it is best to take it as a sickness and a christian is certainly not the person that abandons a sick person cus of sickness,so it is wrong for a christain to abandon a spouse cus of impotence or sickness.

if however a christain elects to be human as most of us christians often do ,expecting GOD to understand,the spouse should be ly and kindly given the options to suggest an acceptable man that will be providing the much needed sex/sperm as many of our forefathers faced with the same challenge used to do or better still to agree to a divorce cus it is best to leave rather than cause the impotent man additional pain.it may even be that GOD wants to bless the impotent man and he wants you to be out of his life before he does so.dont be suprised the moment you abandon the impotent man,he becomes potent and gives your best friend a triplet producing pregnancy.

marriage is created by law and the law of nigeria allows you to divorce if the guy cannot consume u.note however a man may be potent meaning he has good erection and yet not virile.so you need to say the exact definition of impotence cos quite a number of men that dont have a good enough erection for appreciable length of time are virile meaning if their sperm drops inot your pussy,u get pregnant meaning they are impotent by reason of no erection but potent by being capable of having productive sperm.

if you mean he is not virle,not productive and you really waant to have kids,i will advise you divorce if both of u cannot aggreed on another man impregnating u.Atimes impotency arises out of incompatibility from heaven or hell and change of partners resolves the issue as one of the partners may be labouring under an unbroken curse.

It is evil to hold down a man or woman into the marriage if they dont want to stay.as paul says let the unbelieving spouse departs if they want to.A SMART,WISE,GODLY imptent man will not force the spouse to say if she wants to leave,let her go especially if she is approaching menopause.

no matter what many of you guys says here,u will eventually marries a single mum/and many of you unfortunately will only come around to the fact that what AND WHO GOD HAS BLESSETH ,NO MAN CAN CURSE meaning it is after you encounter serious misfortune from marrying your virgin girl that you will eventually come to accept IF GOD PERFECT PLAN FOR ME AND MY FUTURE IS A SINGLE MUM,SO BE IT.

THE FACT AND the truth is many many of these single mum will be a far better wife than many of these virgin girls.trust GOD,let him do that which is good for you.

socrateez: The success or failure of marriage depends on the mindset with which it is approached. If you expect problems and provide an open door for separation or divorce, that's how your marriage would be; but if you expect to live harmoniously with your spouse, that's what it will also turn out to be. So, it depends on the foundation you lay.
Some of the ways you can predict how a marriage would be include
1. How you met your spouse; is it in a party? Mr Biggs?
2. What are his/her views on marriage? For instance, I will never allow my daughter marry any young man who believes in divorce. If you look around, you'll see that issues that make some marriages crumble are small compared with what other marriages are facing yet, the stay together and resolve them.
3. What are his/her religious beliefs? Don't marry anyone whose religious conviction is poles apart from yours.
4. What are his/her values? Do you have the same values? Do you attache the same level of importance to the same thing?
5. Does he/she have direction or purpose in life? I see many young people today who are loafers, without any sense of direction in life. Today they want to be a musician, tomorrow they are into something else. If you ask "where do you see yourself in 2024" and the response is a jumble mumble, you know he/she is a wanderer in life. If you jump into the same boat with a person who is drifting through life, you will find yourself where you don't expect.

I must add that God never designed marriage to be a prison, its the society that labelled it so. Marriage is a wonderful experience of life in which you find joy and fulfillment. We hear so much of failed marriages because the society does not celebrate successful ones.

so funny,when even jonathan with billions of naira doesnt know where he sees himself in 2015.u are asking a young man desiring your girl for a wif where he ss himself in 2024.you will soon learn.just pray not the hard way.the future belogns to GOD we can only work and pray ,paul seedeth,appolo water,it is GOD THAT GIVES THE INCREASE.U think jonathan saw himself as president ten years ago.

layi: I am married and i can tell you the only real issue is finance. You MUST get $$$ . money is stronger than 'human' luv

finance is overated .what about u and ur famiuly accpeting d fact dat for now finance is lean,les do minimalist existence.the happiest couple are the ones with d least of needs.didnt u hear DADDY GO said since no meat for dinner,he psyched his kids into accepting okro meat.

theshadowknows: being scared symbolizes uncertainty and immaturity. maybe your decision to get married should come when you are ready so as not to hurt yourself and others....and stop being afraid of making mistakes, for life is all about the executive decisions we take and being at the mercy of those choices.

think deeply.it is human to fear uncertainty.that is why human prefers to have their money in their pocket rather than rely on ATM

even if we blieve the many things apostle paul told us in the bible,we must also believe him when he says those who marry will have trouble in the flesh.so be real and get the necessary wisdom .no matter who you marry they will offend you small,medium or very much like having extra sex.now is the time to begin to develop a maturd response to those situations if they do arise.im a man and i realy do not think it is wise to divorce a woman who fell by having extra sex.i will refuse to magnify it the way the society and my feelings will want me too.i will take it as a human thing but if the spouse revels in such and remains unrepentant,exposing me to helath risks and dangers from her boyfriends i will divorce her.

the bottom learn is marrying someone u really know very well and you really like .dont marry a stranger.dont marry someone that doesnt satisfy your basics in terms of beauty,character,figure,expressions and most importantly dont marry anybody you are asmahed to introduce as your husband for any reason whatsover be it age or comportment or height or figure.

marriage is basically carnal and this is the point missed by sprititual persons,if u love sex and both of u are not on that same level pls dont marry and again look at the necessary people or things that must follow u into your marriage like his debt profile,income,parents,brothers,sisters.

D sight of some parents once made me sick e.g d lady whose dad sleeps inside one cele church around ojuelegba and the lady whose mum looks like a mad woman ,yes the lady worlks with a bank,i said not for me.to god be the glory she is married now meaning d dislike is not hers but mine.

to be honest do go ahead and marry any who has your basics but in my own case knowing i cant forver endure ,divorce remains an option since i dont want to kill anybody or be kiled in case it turns out to be a mistake.believe me humans make mistakes and it doesnt have to be the end of your life .making this clear from the onset may even help the other guy to behave.marriage for me is not padlock.

fairygeh: Honestly this post is disheartening, in as much as I am a lady, I disagree with the op.abeg don't let guys view we ladies like i never chop.if you want to have sex with ur guy please do irrespective of whether he gives you money or not....common,only poor girls or better still pr ostitutes expect money in return for sex. Hard working ladies would never expect to gain money from a relationship except trust, happiness,joy,a long lasting relationship,a home,a family etc

if this is your sincere opinion ,im deeply impressed and will b following your comments on nairaland,henceforth.with your type now i believe there is hope for nigeria.bless u

CharmO1: Wow! Many comments, mostly negative. I'm a single mother. I did the same thing many ladies have done and will always do: s3x. But I did what only a brave woman with a conscience would do, I kept my son. I laughed when I read some HELL NO's. Better a tokunbo. Car than a car that was wrecked in an accident and then panel-beat, repainted, and repackaged as new. I haven't had issues with men looking down on me because I'm independent and I don't even allow a man I'm dating meet my son. I don't want my son seeing different men in my life. It's only that lucky man that would have the priviledge of meeting him though adopting him is out of the question cos my family won't let him out of their sight. Fertility is not guaranteed because a woman has given birth but there's a higher chance of fertility and if there are no kids after marriage, then na the man get problem be that. As someone rightly said, it takes a mature mind and a good heart to be with a single mother because honestly we hardly trust because we've been hurt deeply before. I haven't met any promiscuous single mother. Strangely, most single mothers can close legs tight because of fear of being used and dumped. My advice to single mothers, don't be desperate, rely on God's time. It will happen for you too. And also be financially independent so no man calls you a gold-digger. And no matter what love your child/children because a man can break your heart and abandon you but your kid(s) are yours forever.

you really have it.thumbs up.really wish to meet u.one thing im sure of is that you really have a very sound mind.im impressed.

if the father of the child is dead,confirmed dead and if she is hardworking and singlemined and slounded mind and content wit my dick and dick alone,i will certainly consider her.

if the father of the child is alive and a rascal and iressponsible or alive and responsible and rejected the lady er cus of bad behaviour,i must run,no mater how hardworking she is.

marriage is about rest.if the combination speaks ,sound unrest,please run

RaphaellaDD: Hello y'all. Please I'd like to know how I can transfer from one federal uni to another. In particular, I want to transfer from UNICAL to UNILAG and I need help and advice from anyone who has successfully completed a transfer before. Thanks.

do u still want to transfer from unical to unilag.i may be able to help u.get me on 08027345419

being broke do happen .the issue does he have a job worth doing .if it is not producing enof money,let your prayers come in to bail him out,u do sound like a parasite though.

steffans: since morning my decoder hasnt come on..
it seems its about to scan but just goes off...
my kids keep staring at d black TV hoping cartoons will come up.. Lol

I confirmed same in 3 different houses.. the same problem..

who else is going thru d same..

just called u now on etisalat,what part of jos are u.i have a property to sell most urgently in jos

joey2002: How come the soldiers facing the mutiny charges mostly have Christian names and are southerners. This thing is just a big charade. Total conspiracy.

IM A YORUBA MAN AND I DONT CARE IF ALL OF THEM ARE YORUBA.DEATH TO MUTINEERS.

when u enlist in an army,u sign to obey the last command even if obeying means death.it is not for a soldier to refuse depolyment because he is issued with a dane guy and the enemy has automatic guns. the death punishment is the most appropriate so that you can be motivated to resign yojur commission from the army you dont believe in and from the commands/commanders you are not willing to obey.if im C -IN C,they will all be dead by now before any stupid lawyer van file any stupid appeal.go learn from history ,from the art of war what irreversible damage a soldier that breaks the rank can do to the entire army.DEATH TO MUTINEERS IN JESUS NAME.U THINK SOLDIERING NA CHILD'S PLAY.

and that penilless driver will not believe GOD whenGOD told him that he will giv him hidden riches of secret places.he didnt know there are millions in an account in his own name somewhere in the world.

atimes she really provokes the hubby so bad.and the options are 2
1.immediately leave the house.
2.jus give her one really heavy slap.just one.it has to be the cheek so she wont be able to hide it and since it leads to everyone noticing she has bewn slapped,she will graudually learn to avoid provoking u.

b fair enough as i did to make this known as your possible reaction before marrying her.one london bay has already said no and one nigerian babe hgas already said she is ok with that.;just one slap and no more.

its not her fault.it is the failure of due dilligence on the part of her hubby.he made the fatal error of marrying a tit for taT WIFE.

OKOGIE IS THE NIGERIAN MAN OF THE CENTURY.HE HAS BEEN CONSISTENT FOR DECADES AND WILL SPEAK THE TRUTH TO POWER.HE EVEN CHALLEGED MILITARY GOVERNORS IN THE DAYS OF MILLLITARY RULE.if we have more of him speaking the truth to poer,nigeria will change for the best.let us all ensure jonathan,atiku ,buhari nver comes into power again.

a prudent and virtuous wife.and the bible said so cus 90 percent of thw wives are imprudent and not virtuos.

IRRITATE YOUR THROAT TO THE POINT OF ACTUAL VOMIT WITH YOUR FINGERS STUCK INTO YOUR THORAT REGION.AS U VOMIT U VOMIT OUT THE BONE.

my concern is the high tension wire and why the owner is selling.urgently send me details.

papa ayo is my friend.and he is one to whom much has been given so it is not a suprise that the society expects him to be above suspicion like ceasar's wife.from day one he has not been tranparent about how he came about the jet leaving room for conjectures and again this jet was meant to enhance his gospel spreading activities so why is it now a commercial jet and worse still use in connection with arms and ammunitions.all things are lawful but not expedient ,the bible says and a man will be adressed the way he dresses.he dresses like a mafia ,talks like a mafia and now involved in arms,no mattr how remote.if i am ayo i will ask for forgiveness from GOD AND MAN AND RESIGN MY CAN HEADSHIP and reverts to his first calling.only GOD can tell what lies ahead for him if he doesnt retrace his steps hobnobbing with a president that knows nothing about honour.

cr8v: I don't care what anyone says. When Boko Haram was buying, no one knew. If Christians decide to defend themselves it is a pity that it's fellow Christians that will write this trash. Stay there until Boko haram evolves to ISIS and start chasing you defenseless out of your country. The federal govt may not have told the whole truth but these jihadist know how to cover themselves that until now no one knows the sponsors of Boko and how they brought in heavy weapons into the country. At least it is not open in public circles. Festus, stay for Lagos I no blame you, you are not a northern Christian so you will not understand

Go and study history how turkey and some other former Christian nations to Islam. They did that by force from jihadists and there lack of unity amongst believers.

***Addition***
I have read the comments of most people who quoted me while the ones that called themselves Christians resort to insult because they think they are protecting their faith, the Muslims have only one argument "how did Spain become Muslim?"
First to my christian brethren, you say the govt should not hide such tns, well I never said the government said so I'm only speculating that if that be the reason then it is justifiable. You say that GEJ has caused more religious divide ever since he started, well thats because some faith don't want him in power and will do everything to unsit him like they do in other places like Egypt, remember this people are willing to die for the nonsense they believe. Jonathan owes it a duty to protect her citizens and that is what Ayo has been accusing the FEG for not doing. And for some ho say that self defence is wrong for a christian, I laugh because you have just imbibed the Jehovah witness misinterpretations. When soldiers met John the baptist, he didnt ask them to resign from fighting wars to be counted as repentants. This is because there is nothing wrong with the military. Islam needs the like of Israel to discipline and keep them in check

for the muslims who say that Spain is Islam, its surprising that people still believe this propaganda their imam fed them. Wikipeadia has it that "As of 2007, it is estimated that over 1 million (1.6 as of 2013[1]) Muslims live in Spain,[2] most of them recent immigrants from North Africa, Middle East, and South Asia; although there are also some Spanish converts, estimated at between 20,000[3] and 50,000." out of over 40million people, 1 million is islam and they say spain is islam. Muslim marry many wives and give birth in multitude so their number seem to grow while christians practice family planning. stop deceiving yourselves statistics show that spain is 78% christian and only 2% muslim

OUR JEH0VAH KILLS WITHOUT GUNS AND BOW AND ARROWS.ONE ANGEL WILL DESTROY 185000 SOLDIERS.GO AND READ YOUR BIBLE WELL.WHO ARE THE XTAINS,THOSE WHO ATTENDD CHURCH ON SUNDAYS AND ARE BEARING JOSEP[H .AMOS ETC.KEEP DECEIVING YOURSELVES.GOD IS NOT MOCKED

truth is atiku will not be given the ticket.buhari will again get the ticket .