₦airaland Forum

coogar: not in a society where single women are seen as pröstitutes. are you aware some landlords would not rent their houses to single women of a marriageable age?

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Yes, I'm aware of that. Are you also aware some landlords won't rent out house to single MEN. Their reasoning being their life isn't stable as of yet, a landlord might prefer a family to take a place as they would live in the house longer making it less hassle.
This isn't particular to Nigeria, I was passed on a house for a man and wife here in England for the reason above.

So now have we established that this can happen to men AND women.

bukatyne: God bless you!

Divorce as a word might be relatively new but it's not new as an action.

Go to the villages and see women who packed out of their homes and married other men; men who kicked their wives out and married new wives. I do not know where the stigma is.

Is the label divorcee or separated on their foreheads or what?

Exactly at the bolded ! The word is new because we have court marriages these days so actually have to serve divorce papers but it's been happening for decades ! Back in the 80s I remember women packing out of mens home in ghana must go bags.
Infact it's the other way round, it's the man stigmatized because we kids would refer to them as wicked men.

This is 2013 not even the 80s, where is the stigma. I think Coogar isn't using the word stigma correctly.

An example of stigma is you not being able to get a job / assosciate or live with other members of society e.t.c - where's that happening mate?

Elevation: God is the Almighty, The First and the Last he has the Power to do all things and at the end of the age all humans shall give account of all their deeds on earth to Him so God can be brought into the issue and dont forget Marriage is among the 22 Doctrines.

Says YOUR religion, which the OP might not share. Have you not learnt not to force your religion on others yet?

coogar: the ridicule is bearable as it is. if she leaves him, then it's a different tale entirely. you cannot compare what obtains in the west with africa. it's easy to come on the internet and talk a good game.

No it's actually not! Thoughts like this is what keeps women in abusive homes till their death. I know several women who left abusive relationships or marriages where another woman was brought in - as far back as 50 years ago. I haven't heard of them being ridiculed. Could it be that it's actually you who judge these women and you mask your opinion as "society".

I do know some parents force their daughters into unhappy marriages and then force them to stay in it. I've noticed this is mostly to do with religion especially when said parents are senior member of churches.

Virgin Finder: She can leave temporarily/permanently but she must remain SINGLE for as long as the separation lasts or as long as he is alive.

That's what the Bible says.

Once a woman is married, she's forever married. Otherwise, she toys with hell fire.

The man may remarry but God will fight for her and reward her reverence for his word/law accordingly.

God's mill may be slow but it grinds exceedingly smooth.

Our God is a just God.

#NoApologies

Why's the God being brought into this, who said she's Christian? Even if she was born a Christian, who said she's a practising one. Did she mention this somewhere? If she did please let me know.

Or is this another case of Nigerians using Christianity to be stupid?

25Calibre: I'm not an abuser and neither do I condone it. JK Rowlings had a different playing field, a place where there were people willing to stand up for her. Regardless of principles or driving force, if your society doesn't provide you with the necessities and a conducive environment, you are going nowhere.

The OPs situation is a quintessential case of the devil or the deep blue sea, there is no happy ending in this. She would have to sacrifice one for the other.

Considering how lawless Nigeria is, this OP goes through with some if the advises I've read here, I guarantee you she won't see her kids again till they are of age to seek her out.

So divorce might mean freedom, but at what expense? That's a choice she alone has to make.

A very important tip for surviving in Nigeria is - Do not fight with people above your station because when the chips are down, no one would save you.

As I said in other posts you sound like a very intelligent man. Your heart isn't just in the right place.

No two playing field are the same, not even in the same town! I'm not saying OP would become a billionare (who's to say she couldn't?). I'm providing an example of a woman who went through the same thing and survived.

FYI isn't it better to alive and you not see your children for a few years than the alternative. . possible death?

FYI 2, all we are providing her is advice and alternative scenarios. We don't know her, so I doubt anyone here is going to her house, putting a gun to her head and forcing her to leave the marriage.

FYI 3,Ms Rowlings was clinically depressed and homeless and had to live with external family. So techincally her society did not provide for her.

FYI 4, I hope you take this on board, but you should never advice anyone male or female to continue in any sort of living conditions which are harmful.

ooua: In as much as I believe this is a script, this like this do happen. Presently I have a friend who has been in this kind of marriage for close to 13 years. I really do not know how she has survived all these years and is till alive. The OP's experience is sweet patotoes when compared to hers. With 4 children and jobless. The police station has become their regular base and friends have advised her to leave the marriage, but she is still there for reasons best known to her. I pray she lives to tell her story.

You know someone first hand that this happened to, so why do you believe this is a script? Because it's well written and explained. Goes to show it can happen to anyone. It's doesn't happen solely to illiterates and poor women. Look at someone above saying his father beat his mother and she deserved it because she's careless. Couldn't the man seperate as their lifestyle was different? But he kept beating her. And we have the son here saying she deserved it.

Swag Queen pay attention, that's the kind of son you are raising. . .

Nashville: That is why moderators should watch the kind of stories they put on frontpage. Matured people on the family section were already advising her. Now that it's on frontpage, little children like you are also commenting. Moderators, please take off frontpage please. Stuff like this is only for matured minds not for little children from the village.

He isn't really a little child judging by the quality of his write up. This is classic case of someone who doesn't see the big deal in people being beaten up and probably someone who'd indulge in same.

25Calibre: Most Nigerians talk nonsense most of the time, they are experts in giving advise, yet no one is capable of solving the many issues plaguing Nigeria.

They are experts in giving success tips, yet no unique idea or innovation to emerge out of Nigeria.

Look at the advices here, people extrapolate advises only feasible in the west, and give them to a person in Nigeria, a country with an entirely fu*k up justice system, & poor human rights record.

Someone was even sighting JK Rowlings as an example, is JK Rowlings a Nigerian, was she in Nigeria? OMG naivety at its peak.

OP heed some of these advices here at your peril, you'd be back here to tell the tales.

You're an idiot and suspected abuser. JK Rowlings was an example you slowpoke. Isn't it the same set of pricples and driving force? No two circumstances are similiar anyway not even if both women were Nigerian or British.

You're obviously a man with some degree of sense. However your problem is you want to make excuses for other Nigerian wife beaters.

Please note, any man who advises a women to stay in an abusive relation is a potential suspect of the same.

25Calibre: As touching as your story may be, its obviously one sided. ( I'm not justifying your beating )

It will be nice if we can get your husband's side of the story, because you can't tell us you are a saint. You've been met with so much sympathy on this thread, but in the interest of fairness, your husband side of the story must be heard, to avoid jumping hastily into conclusion.

Nobody beats a saint, even Nebuchadnezzar so please do tell us your wrongdoings as well.

Your well written does not hide the fact that you're an apologist for abuse, which means you could do the same and possible an abusist yourself!

No one is a saint, does that mean they should be beaten. Even if she's done things does not give anyone the right for her partner to abuse her phyiscally or otherwise.

Stop making apologies for abuse or asking for fairness for an abuser. It only draws attention to the calibre of man you !

I don't know the kind of men some women raise honestly!

Nashville: Madam, this may hurt but your husband does not love you. You have been married for just for years and all of this has happened and his parents no get shame sef. I am a married man so I know what I am saying - that man does not love you and you have nothing to gain by staying in that marriage. I repeat, you have nothing to gain. He openly cheats and beats you for complaining, gives you no money etc. Now you feel worthless and you are still staying there. If I understand correctly, you are just 30 years old and a lawyer. Please do not end you life before it even starts.

Let me tell you the truth. You made a mistake by marrying that man, you better cut your loses and start afresh. The future of your marriage is bleak and I just cant see how he will change. At 30 you can still get a job, how can you just give up like that. Send me your CV, I know partners in top law firms and I will forward to them for real. No joking here. You need to get yourself a job asap. Now if he says you cant work, then its time to tell him goodbye.

I know a woman who was divorced, without a job, heavily in debt and with two children at age 30. She started afresh and by age 40 she was a multi-millionare in dollars. You know how she did it. She gave herself a chance in life by starting over. You need to give yourself another chance. You are just 30 and you want to end your life in some marriage. Some of your mates sef never marry and they will still marry and enjoy life. Please, in fact I am so angry that I will start blaming you if I continue!

At OP, you want to whom that woman is? JK Rowling, arthor of the Harry Potter franchise. Today she's a billioniare. She was abused and ran for it. She was homeless but she had her dignity and the love of her child. The love of your child would make you do the impossible, it will motivate you, give you ideas and make you work harder.

I'm really pained by this, this is happening in 2013? And not to anyone but to a Lawyer ! You see how we all keep harping about your profession? There's a reason, if you qualified from Law School means you at least used your brain, you worked hard and had determination. Why wouldn't you use all these qualities in real life?
You don't have to actual practice law but all these soft skills you developed at school have equipped you for life life situations like this.

I'm pained, angry at the world and disappionted in you, because 6 years ago I gave this same advice to a married woman who didn't have SSCE qualifications. I really should NOT have to be telling this to a lawyer.

Get out now whislt you aren't broken yet. Because from your posts you still have some spirit - get out before this spirit is broken too. Because once your spirit to fight is gone. . . it's gone !

Ujujoan: Thunder fire the head of any man who dares abuse me . . . physically or emotionally.

Husband or no husband, older or younger . . . . me and am go put leg for inside one trousers.

@ Swag queen . .

You need to grow some balls and stand up for yourself for the sake of your children. Ahaaaan . .

Have you no shame at all . . . a Lawyer by training, and yet you roll back and take trash from a man . . . . . not God oh, ordinary man.

Your parents must be heart broken . . . all the money they spent on your education is being wasted . . . . all to answer mrs. 'jerk'! Men who abuse their wives, the mother of their kids, are the lowest of all scum. They should be stripped naked and flogged in the market square!

Please let me ask, does your husband have two heads? Is it not the same one head you were born with that he has himself?

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I detest weak women . . . you are causing more problem for yourself and your innocent kids in the future than you can possibly imagine.

Either you grow some balls and force him to be a responsible father/husband . . . . or save your sanity and those of your kids and walk away!

To add to what she Ujuan says not only are you being weak but you're breeding another set of women abusers!

These women abusers came out of homes like that. Your son is learning and will carry this out on someone else in future.

I know you have a lot to contend with, but as long as you stay there add the above to the list!

zubbainno123: Mhen the new ios is taking like forever to download..........patiently waiting though.

It's worth the wait. It's simply stunning. It's like having a brand new phone but still with all my Apple essential qualities.

I'm sorry about your horrible experince. I don't want to start abusing Nigeria's defunct system as I won't stop *sigh*

But trust me this won't be your last train experience. It's simply one of the best things in the world, see the countrysides and being on a fast speeding train and travelling such long distances without the hassle of checking into flight.s
This week past I took a train from Munich, Germany to Veinna, Austria - spent a night then Budapest, Hungary. 3 countries - it was amazing.

I added some picstures of the train I took from the train company's website.

I really doubt Nigeria would ever experince this, not in my life time anyway

Yield: For sure. Sometimes I buy fish at the groceries instead of meat. I've gone a week without eating it and ate fish instead. I want to try omitting meat for two weeks (and get my protein elsewhere) to see how my body'll react and whatever changes I'll notice. Then I'll gradually increase the number of weeks I can go without it. Too much meat isn't good, then again, too much of anything isn't good. I've thought about becoming a vegetarian, but I'm not fully ready yet, lol. I do like meat, so letting go of it is going to be a gradual process.

Hi Yield, I'm just the same way as you, although I could never be vegeterian because I body build.

What you could do is enjoy white fish / chicken breast and fatty fishes (Salmon/Mackrel) in the evening which are great and once I week (Saturdays for me) I have some nice red meat. It's something to look forward to and as it's once a week - very moderate !

[quote author=obo_man]In the black woman's case ( Frances Newton), her motive was calculative and pure evil, unlike the rest that did it out of hatred or pure insanity.

If you read Newton's case properly, she bought life insurance on her husband and children, weeks before she 'killed' them. She then named herself as the sole beneficiary of the financial claims.[/quote]Despite your username you're someone I can actually debate with, unlike that other nitwit dunce above.

Please read these articles before coming to any opinions:

1. R.I.P Frances Newton - Innocent Woman Executed by Texas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opXktwKAN14

2. Without Evidence: Executing Frances Newton - http://www.austinchronicle.com/news/2005-09-09/288994/

3. "Numerous individuals, including three members of the convicting jury, expressed concern over evidence that was not presented during the trial" - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frances_Newton

I'm not an expert on American law, but reading those did not appear she was guilty beyond reasonable doubt. I don't want to get into the sentiments of the case. I merely noticed the African Americans were given death sentences and the Caucasians weren't. And I expressed what I had noticed.

Or Nigeria doesn't allow people express their opinions / concerns no more?

Omen100: Both of you block headed humans should re: read again and comprehend the gravity of their various crimes before you people will start talking nonsense.

You're calling yourself a block head because the other poster and myself noticed a trend? Okay smarty pants

Ujujoan: Is it just me or did anybody notice that the Black women were sentenced to death while the whites were just 'convicted' . . .

one even got a mere 9-year sentence. One had her own sentence overturned on the grounds of insanity!

Strange . . .

na wah for oyinbo people sha!

Yeah I thought I was the only one who noticed. However it was only one black woman who was eventually sentenced to death. I'm just reading about her and it appears it wasn't even clear cut that she did it. Urgh America - Land of the not so free.

Evil Brain: I'm trying to be light hearted about it but this story is actually not funny at all.

People all over the world are reading about this and forming their opinions about the quality of students Unilag and other Nigerian schools are producing. Those of us who find ourselves travelling abroad may soon discover that our certificates are worth less than toilet paper.

Our school's reputation is being washed down a pit latrine. If it turns out that this Dr. Henry Boyo is actually a physics lecturer and he actually said what they're claiming he said, then I don't know how the school can defend itself.

This could be Unilag's biggest crisis since the MAUT saga.

One of the best things I've read this year. One of my degrees is from Nigeria and it's worthless, cases like this make it even worse so.
But on the other hand there are people like the OP whom I'm assuming are products of Nigerian institutions and who have the ability to think rationally (see his oil and water example in relation to heterosexuality). People like Evil Brain make me realise there just might be hope for our flundering education system.

berylLOL: ..magnets so? Do you know how many insane theories we have in the world that are accepted?abeg. and I wasn't even referring to you lol, and pls I'm really not interested in your life and your depressions so kill yourself if you wanna.

Typical silly backward Nigerian female. Has to resort to insults when she can't think and has no sense. When I remember people of your caliber exisit and are allowed to roam free and reprouce another generation of idiots. . . it makes me not want to go back to Nigeria.

P.S - you'd do the world a favour by offing yourself.

[quote author=9ja_Hottest_Gay]I love ur display Pix[/quote]Thank you, you're too kind !!

Meh.. can't wear them as I'd look stupid in them. My jeans are almost as tight anyway so really can't judge.

The first pic of the Nigerian boy is rocking it !

Xb4Real: EXCUSE ME?!!!!



EXCUSE ME?!!!!

What are you excusing ? Go sit your monkey homopobic self somewhere. Fool !

crystalballs: Not resigning now and start up your own business.

If everyone resigns and starts their own business. Whom would work for whom? How would everyone get their capital? Once again I ask whom would be employed by these new businesses as everyone is a business owner.

spongeback: Then why is that phucktard showing his ignorance on the Internet of all places?

Where else do you want him to show it? Your house?

Siena: Substitute "British" for "Nigerian", and you'll be closer to being correct.

THIS !!!

goldfish80: I don't really blame the weather conditions exclusively for this mess. British motorists are the worst in the world, arrogant, rude and technically inept! You could see they were driving fast and too close,its a miracle no one died.

You better be kidding me with that statement. Thankfully lots of people on this thread live in UK and can argue that point. Unless as someone said you're trying to bash the country.
There is no other country in the world where it's as hard to obtain a driver's licence like UK. Just the rigorous process alone would instill dicpline into you.

And arrogance? You wanna compare a run of the mill unlawful Lagos motorist or your typical brash road-raged American on the highway to UK motorists? Mate !

As others mentioned if you have an EU visa, EU passport or Passport of a country that is visa free to The Neatherlands then you would be able to come out of the airport.
If you don't you would be restricted to the airport. Contrary to what another poster said you would be able to leave the lounge and explore the airport as the immigration unit is the extreme end of the airport. Schipol has a museum, cafes, free Wifi and duty free shopping.

I did the same thing you're doing first time I travelled to England about six years back. The 7 hours was a long wait.

FrostyZonn: Guantanamo Bay things.

Why does an 8 year old kid have an iPad. Looking at her weight more outside play and run around a park would be beneficial.
Having said that - look at the father too, no wonder. Grr

Not encouraginging what she's down by a long shot. But I appreciate the honesty in a land where everyone is dishonest.

Real Recognize Real