₦airaland Forum

@ anusman

nah man! u ain't feeling me if u can't say the name right.

K~R~O~N~K~Y~K~A~Y

that na the spelling.

@lola

wetin i do naaa

success123:
there is still one thing u must ask for

wat could that be?

@ninja,
me exposing this should make you know how to counter attack when any of the moves comes on show.

damn!

very nice!

but i don't agree with the number 4.

not all containers are attractive, abi haven't you seen pimple on the chest before?

Longest Engagement
Octavio Guillen and Adriana Martinez from Mexico finally got married in June 1969, after a 67-year engagement. Both were 82 years old when they wed.

Longest Kiss
Karmit Tzubera and Dror Orpaz kissed for 30 hours 45 minutes, on April 5, 1999, to win a kissing contest held at Rabin Square, Tel-Aviv, Israel. They remained standing and went without rest breaks. They were later treated for exhaustion. For their efforts, the couple won a trip around the world and US $2,500 in cash.

Longest Marriage
Cousins Sir Temulji Bhicaji Nariman and Lady Nariman from India were married when they were both five years old in 1853. Their marriage lasted 86 years, until Sir Temulji's death aged 91 years, 11 months in 1940.

Most Kissing Couples
The greatest number of couples to have kissed in the same place at the same time was 1,420, at the University of Maine in Orono, Maine, US, on Feb 14, 1996.

Oldest Bride
At the age of 102, Minnie Munro became the world's oldest known bride when she married Dudley Reid in Point Clare, Australia, on May 31, 1991. The groom was 83

Oldest Divorced Couple
The highest combined age of a divorcing couple is 188, by Ida Stern (91) and her husband Simon (97) of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US, in Feb 1984.

Oldest Groom
Harry Stevens was 103 years old when he married 84-year-old Thelma Lucas at the Caravilla Retirement Home, Wisconsin, US, on Dec 3, 1984.

Oldest surviving love poems
Written in a clay tablet from the times of the Sumerians, who were the inventors of writing, around 3500 B.C. It was unromantically named Istanbul #2461 by the archaeologists who unearthed it.

Oldest woman to become a sex symbol
Mae West has been portrayed as one of the very few stars who was "self-made and self-sustaining," owing her success to herself alone, not to a director, scriptwriter, make-up artist, or photographer. What is perhaps most remarkable about her is that she first arrived at Hollywood when she was forty years of age - "grotesquely late to begin a film career".

Youngest Married Couple
In 1986, it was reported that an 11-month-old boy had been married to three-month-old girl at Aminpur, Bangladesh. The marriage had been arranged in order to end a 20-year-old feud between two families.

damn it!

i just can't believe leprechauns are still hanging in cyber cafes.

what is the meaning of the joke, please chi-girl, i don't understand.
come out and explain.

still too young to undastand?

BTW, how old are u?

@lola

yeah i got all that. i couldn't ask for more though!

This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave.

Peruse at your peril!

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that:
-quicksand can work slowly,
-boxing rings are square and
-a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig,
-writers write but fingers don't fing, and
-grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people:
-recite at a play and play a recital
-ship by truck and send cargo by ship, and
-have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which:
-your house can burn up as it burns down,
-you fill in a form by filling it out, and
-an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers. It reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And finally, why doesn't "buick" rhyme with "quick"?

1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.

2. Be ambiguous. Always.

3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.

4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago,

5. Make them apologize for everything.

6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.

7. Accuse them of having an affair with their secs in the office.

8. Play Alanis Morissette's 'You Oughta Know,' loud. Look at them. Smile.

9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.

10. Fart during sex and blame it on them

11. Get mad at them for everything.

12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.

13. Hold grudges.

14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply,

15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.

16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his 'little princess.'

17. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.

18. Talk about your ex-boyfriend. Compare and contrast.

19. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness

20. Cry without ceasing. (no try this one for my house oh, else you go cry till water no come out again! )

21. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.

22. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.

23. Gather many female friends and dance to 'I Will Survive' while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.

24. Correct their grammar.

25. Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little sister.

26. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.

27. Leave out the good parts in stories.

28. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.

29. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.

30. Declare that you are not wacko.

31. Criticize the way they dress.

32. Criticize the music they listen to.

33. Criticize their hair.

34. Ignore them. When asked, 'What's wrong?' tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them.

35. Try to change them.

36. Try to mold them.

37. Try to get them to dance.

38. Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.

39. When they screw up, never let them forget it.

40. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.

41. Blame everything on PMS.

42. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.

43. Whenever there is silence ask them, 'What are you thinking?'

44. Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.

45. Read into everything.

46. Tell them their mother ain't as pretty as you are.

47. Make it your goal to make them cry.

oloriooko:
Is this supposed to be funny?

God!!! where is your sense of humor poster?

Please try to be purposeful whenever you are posting. Buzz off my friend

na wah oh! the homeboy was just trynna ask everybody wat they got for val and you are puking over his kulikuli. e no good oh,

anyway, me i got a 10pound pack of greens, a pack of durex and a kisssssssssss (very long) from my ex-girlfriend.
so wat did u get?

nice one

are u still gay?

damn why u like D1CK this much? i tot u were cured?

where's tope?

champion

Thug Life:
lol
I hope she will feel my D!ck

not if ur thing no big pass toothpick!

9ice but it's like 50yrs old.

long sentence?

guy e be like say i still wan live longer than this. can u survive it?

kolkuns:
talk tru, is like u don't av anybody 2 do your val with, that is y u write that your no 9

try me first naa. just call me if u want your girlfriend pregnant, stress free. 08020362324,
do not flash, flashing go result to miscarriage and i get do am again be that.

aphrodyte:
i'm surprised i didnt even smile. maybe i would like to read another joke from u. no strings attached.

I HOPE U WEREN'T XPECTING ME TO TELL YOU JOKES ABOUT HOW "GUGURU" AND "EPA" BECAME BEST FRIENDS.
If u were xpecting that, then am glad i dissapointed you.

u may never know, ,,,, i think it is

merci

@POSTER


why am i having this sure feeling that it was you who said that shit.

stop dissing yurself in public.

No. 1 DON'T tell your girlfriend that this has been “one of the best” Valentine’s you’ve ever had. She won’t see that as a compliment.

No. 2 DON'T celebrate your special night by ordering tequila shots – Valentine’s is already poignant enough without inviting Jose Cuervo to the party! Angry shouting and upchucking that expensive dinner you paid for do not a romantic evening make.

No. 3 DON'T try to “avoid the rush.” There’s no such thing as a romantic 4:00 PM dinner (unless you’re over 65).

No. 4 DON'T try to slip how much you spent on her gift into the conversation. She already know the going rate for cubic zirconia, dude.

No. 5 DON'T Forget to compliment your wife or girlfriend on her Valentine’s ensemble. Compliment her dress, her hair, her shoes, her nails, her makeup, her jewelry, her fingers, her toes, her kneecaps, her kidneys, etc. Just keep complimenting

No. 6 DON'T willingly engage in any conversation during which your wife/girlfriend addresses you by your real name. If she calls you “Honey,” or “Sweetheart,” or “Papi,” or even "monkey" you’re good to go. But any conversation that starts with “hey Miggy, I need to ask you a question…” is a potential minefield.

No. 7 DON'T take your Valentine to an NC-17 movie, even if it’s foreign and/or artsy. On a night like this, the only naked body you should be admiring is hers.

No. 8 DON'T be your usual, too-cool-to-wear-nice-clothes self. No need to buy a new suit, but come on man – maybe tonight isn’t the night for your “ironic” Dukes of Hazard t-shirt.

No. 9 If you can't satisfy her, DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL ME.

No. 10 DON'T play mood music that’s sexier than you are. If you’re not 100% certain you can provide genuine “sexual healing,” leave Marvin Gaye up on the shelf. Better stick to "DO ME I DO YOU". Every man’s got to know his limitations.

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad.

Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden?" his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. "David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."

Migines and Tessybaby who had never met before, and were both married to other people, Clemcy and Ituen reespectively, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, Migines in the upper bunk and Tessy in the lower bunk.

At 1:00 AM , Migines leaned down and gently woke Tessy saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fU#King blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted and said "Damn! am in deep 5hit"

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you slowpoke!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I' d like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

what a match they are.

for those who can feel in the blanks spaces

----------------and-------------------------?
no be me tell u oh!

nice

For the ladies who's got no val, it only cost a little more than what u pay ur boyfriend, try to be comfortable.
go ahead and enjoy ur val

1st, For all y'all guyz on nland who aint got a val, she's ready and willing to make more than just your day,

have fun with her.

@thuggy

just chilling bro. will holla @ya later