Hello loves, currently burned out owner of blog here again.

I am burned out. Completely. This post may be too deep or count as TMI but please, bear with me.

So it is going to be my birthday in a week and I have never been more stressed out about growing up . Ever. I spoke to a friend and he says I am experiencing my version of quarter life crises.

Quarter life crises: In popular psychology, a quarter-life crisis is a crisis involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life which is most commonly experienced in a period ranging from a person’s twenties up to their mid-thirties (although it can begin as early as 18). It is defined by clinical psychologist Alex Fowke as “a period of insecurity, doubt and disappointment surrounding your career, relationships and financial situation”

I’ve read that this is a common occurrence with young people and it could play it out in various forms. In my case though, there is just a sense of anxiety and exhaustion and a deep need to escape. Escape from my job, my relationships, my life in general.

I know it cannot be just me that is feeling this or going through this or at least I would like to believe that , you know the more people are suffering along with you, the better you feel about your suffering. A bit sadistic I should add but that is just what it is. So yeah, now let us get to solving this or at least better navigating ourselves out of this crisis.

Tackle your feelings head on. If you’re already feeling trapped, ignoring it will not take the problem away neither will it take this phase of your life away. It is what it is, identify it and call it what it is. If you are feeling trapped in your relationship, critically look at what may make you feel this way. Are you in a parasitic, unhealthy relationship or are you projecting your inadequacies onto your partner. If it means taking a break from him/her while you sort through your life, then that is what it takes.Better than making someone else suffer because you’re feeling out of sorts. If your job is what is making you feel stuck, evaluate the why. Are you uninspired? Has the job lost its challenge? Are you growing in the job? Are you being respected? If you are not, is there a part you’re playing in contributing to the above scenarios or are these things that are completely out of your control? Will you be better off without that job? Just be honest with your answers.


Manage your expectations. I am queen of overextending myself because I have a lot of things I would like to do to more quickly get to my desired future life with a beach house and unlimited travel that I try to cram a lot of things into 24 hours. Between my 9 -5, my side hustle, Lagos traffic, conversations (read arguments) with my tailors and forgetting about people, there is a lot to be burned out from. A lot. I am now trying to adapt to doing what I can and not seeing idle time as a sin. I want idle time, I have books to read...Read more @https://olliealley./2018/09/21/quarter-life-crisis-identifying-and-dealing-with-it/

Currently listening to Manya by Tiwa & Wizkid

Today is only Thursday and my week has already been very eventful. Not in the I woke up a billionaire way, more like why is everyone choosing this week to test my already short patience level?

Firstly, I got a message from a former friend who I hadn’t spoken to in over two years demanding to pick my brains about how to start a blog. Her opening text left a bitter taste in my mouth that has still refused to go away. If you want, i’ll post it up on my instastories. I responded twice to let her know how much I didn’t appreciate it and that was it. She keeps on sending messages about how much she needs the information which I intend to continue reading and disregarding .

Just before I started writing this, someone posted a meme on her Whatsapp story and mentioned me. I almost ignored it but I’m glad I didn’t. I told her off, she apologized and took it down.

Which brings me to today’s message; how to be assertive and stand up for yourself.

Assertiveness (n) : the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive. In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a learnable skill and mode of communication.

I am not known for being a push over so it is always a shock when someone starts behaving in a weird disrespectful manner towards me, like boo you should know not to. I realize a lot of us are scared of asserting ourselves because we don’t want to be disrespectful. Well, this is why I am here, to help you live your best life.

Answer this, what stops you from standing up for yourself? Are you afraid of being seen as a bully or a problematic person?

Nobody likes conflict so sometimes it seems easier to just go with the flow in order to avoid conflict. Letting people walk all over you will ultimately cause you more stress. Learning to stand up for yourself will help you take charge of your life, believe in your own pra pra and embolden you to get your life. The stronger you feel, the stronger you will become.

Try these out whenever you feel someone is taking advantage of your kindness





Be open about what you are feeling. If you feel someone’s tone is rude, do not force yourself into not feeling slighted. Feel what you feel.
Carry yourself more confidently. do not cower. The more confident you look, the more confident you will feel and before you know it, you will see the confidence seeping out into your daily interactions with others. If someone cuts in front of you at a queue and you are upset about it, politely ask them to move back. Most times they will because they weren’t expecting it.

Vocalize. No one is a mind reader, if you feel disrespected or taken advantage of , speak up. Sometimes the other party doesn’t even know what they’re doing. Some people are just wired to be everlasting takers, they will take your life if you don’t speak up. So, speak up.

4. Resist the temptation to react in the same manner as the one who is trying to override you. Remain calm and speak your mind. Your...read more @https://olliealley./2018/07/12/believe-in-your-pra-pra-assert-yourself/

We are almost done with the second month of the second quarter of the year. For some people, the year is racing by, for others it is crawling by, some others though are indifferent.

Well, anyhow you feel about the year racing by, there’s one fact that doesn’t change. Soon the year will end, soon you will be a year older. Are you being productive with the time that is available? or are you just winging life because, you know, yolo. News flash, your time is valuable, it is limited and once used up cannot be reclaimed so this means you are to be intentional about how you spend it.

Try out these tips to reclaim your time and live more productively:

1. Prioritize your day.
Create a to do list and put a time frame against each of the activities you need to follow through on based on the level of importance. Also, create a not to do list. This is equally as important because we find ourselves doing a number of baseless unimportant things throughout the day, leaving out the important stuff until almost last minute when we’re fatigued. Lists are important because unlike just doing life off the top of our heads , it gives us direction. You can use apps with reminder settings on or if you’re more traditional, a trusted journal/planner is your best bet. This will help you develop a routine, that is, when you would wake up, what you would immediately do upon waking, etc.

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2. Use your commute time
I already touched on this when I talked about how to self care because it is so important. If you are commuting 2 hours both ways daily, at the end of one year, you would have been in a vehicle for 672 hours, that is 4 weeks on your way. That time can be used to catch up with your reading, writing, checking your mails and so on.

3. Say No, often.
Don’t say yes to every request. Most of us have a deep need to be liked. That translates into us saying yes to everything – which is not the smartest when you have a lot to do. Make sure you value all your available time. Helping others is a great thing, but stop pleasing people at the expense of your own productive time. By focusing on staying productive in the tasks that you do, you will find you will have much more time to help others without cutting into your productivity.



4. Do what you can, Outsource the rest.
Contrary to what you may believe, you cannot do everything my darling and you do not need to. Find out when you are more efficient and do your work then. Focus on your strengths and leave the rest for people who are professionals to handle or you may find yourself wasting time and achieving very little.

5. Sell your TV
Lol, just kidding. Just don’t spend 7 hours in front of a TV. Instead,...read more @https://olliealley./2018/05/22/do-not-waste-your-time-2018/

got Ghosted!
There is nothing pleasant about ghosting.

Ghosting is the annoying phenomenon of having someone fade on you into dust and thin air. One minute you’re in some form of romantic relationship with this person or you think you are then boom, it’s silence. Like dead silence. No calls, no texts, no mails. Some even go as far as blocking you on all soicail media platforms.

If you’ve been only newly ghosted, accept my condolences, it really is a difficult position to be in. Without realising it you may start to blame yourself for his/her disappearance. Was I too clingy? Was the sex bad? Was I that unbearable to be with? Most people like to conclude on things, we like to know the when’s and whys of things so we can better understand it and that’s why ghosting hurts so much; the lack of closure (I think closure is overrated but that’s for another day).
What if I said there are some signs to know when someone is about to pull a disappearance on you?

For one, you’re always the first to hit them up. I don’t mind texting first but I certainly will not text you first always please. It’s a pride thing. If they never miss you or think of you enough to want to see how you’re doing by initiating contact and you’re always doing the calling or texting before you guys communicate, there’s a high chance of them completely ceasing communication and there’ll be nothing you can do about it.

Secondly, is your communication always sexual? You may tell them you’re having a rough day at work and somehow the gists always comes back to how sexy you sound when you’re frustrated, that’s a clear sign that they don’t care about you just about what you can give them and when they’ve had their fill of it, they will bounce.

If your dates are always for hookups, never mind they’ll take you fine dining. As long as you guys always end up in between the sheets, then again it’s for the sex. I’m all for having sex as much as you can...read more at https://olliealley./2018/05/13/i-am-in-a-relationsh-never-mind-i-just-got-ghosted/

Hi there darlings, welcome to the month of May, the month of ASSURANCE apparently �.

Today’s post is an interview with Ms Abundance Joshua , the CEO of Abysmakeover. I have been watching her for a while and she’s nothing short of inspiring. This post has taken a week and some to make because of our clashing schedules and I am grateful it is finally here.

TOP TIP: You might need to bookmark this page.

A little backstory, she’s young and only recently graduated from University.



Enjoy.



How long have you been in the makeup business and how did you get started?

I have been doing makeup since July 2016 when I handed over Miss Akwa-Ibom teen crown, it was part of my pet project. I have always had a thing for makeup but when I started I didn’t know how to do makeup, I used to draw awful brows so when I was handing over the crown, I organized a free makeup training for ladies so they could learn to do their own makeup even if they didn’t want to turn it to a business because i know there were ladies like me that lacked makeup skills. All they had to pay for was the certificate. In the course of the training I was inspired to learn also. Subsequently by October 2017, I went for an upgrade class to better hone my skill. I went for an upgrade with JOJO;s touch in Port Harcourt . Immediately I got back to Uyo, I became sought after because she is a well known brand and when people knew I trained under her, it added to my credibility.


When did you know a career in beauty was for you? Didn’t you feel it was already saturated?

The thing in is anything you want to do, you will defintely not be the only one in that line of business. I have a passion for it, I have always had a thing for fashion. Asides makeup, I also sew. I had to disregard all the people I saw and knew to already be in that line of work and just go for my passion.

What sets you apart from other makeup artists?

Every business owner has what we call their signature, for me it is my brows. I have signature brows. It is different from what you would normally see in Uyo. Well drawn brows are the key to a great makeup. If your brows are crooked, no matter how fine the final look is, there is a way it is going to look because those brows are not well drawn. I take extra time while ...read more @https://olliealley./2018/05/02/inspire-beauty-an-interview-with-rising-makeup-artiste-abundance-joshua/

Currently listening to Sia’s Waving Goodbye

This week has been short and uber interesting. Asides the usual weirdness of social media, my life has been twisting one way and then another.

Talking about Visabae, the lifestyle blogger with a feed to die for that created a Gofund me for donations towards her visa application as she was facing being deported back home, to Zimbabwe. At first when I saw that video of her crying, I thought girl, sell the bags! This was before I watched an interview where she said the designer “baby girl” lifestyle she portrayed on the gram wasn’t all real. She said some stuff she borrowed from friends while the rest were gifts from brands for collaborations.

I wanted to slap the taste out of her mouth.

Then I gave it more thought. It is the easiest thing to get lost in this snap, click upload, stream live world we live in now. Everything is fast and shiny and well curated and if you are not fast and shiny and well curated you begin to think the problem is with you. Maybe you’re not smart enough, rich enough, beautiful enough. It’s the easiest thing. Especially when you’re a creative.

Nobody cares that your content is relata... read more @https://olliealley./2018/04/06/on-visabae-and-finding-self/

Writing this post made me realize how poorly some of us treat ourselves.

Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced stress. It’s also key to a good relationship with oneself and others.

Before we go any further, answer this. How do you currently take care of yourself?

If you’re a young Nigerian, you’re probably extremely stressed out , because first, you’re Nigerian. I know for a fact that just going about your daily activities without putting deep thought into how its affecting you is probably the easiest thing to do what with the feeling that this is your best years and you need to make the most of it, goals and all. But you need to be alive first . Caring for yourself doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming, because if we want to be honest, we don’t have that much AND we’re always in a hurry

So, here are my favourite inexpensive self care tips to help you feel happy and rejuvenated even when life gets stressful af

Block out some me time. It could be an hour or even a full day but keep time out to be alone and do things that you love.
Treat yourself. You are almost always working so it’s wise to treat yourself to a pamper session occasionally. It doesn’t have to be a spa session...read more @https://olliealley./2018/03/23/self-care-tips-for-the-busy-nigerian-millennial/

So you need to save money quickly. Maybe you have a trip you’re planning on or you want to get a new phone, a camera, propose to your girlfriend, a car, whatever and you’re looking at your account balance and wondering when you’re ever going to have enough money to follow through with your plans. Well, I’m here to tell you that its possible to save enough money and quickly too.

First step is to come up with an estimate of how much you need. If you’re planning on a vacation for instance to say, Zanzibar, you should have an idea of how much flight tickets down there costs. Also, hotel rates, food and other planned activities should be taken into consideration.

Next, you should set a period for the actualization of whatever you decide on in the first step. Based on the figure calculated, divide your target amount by the number of months or weeks you have until the payment is due. Consider these numbers in the context of your regular income to see if you can realistically put that much aside. For example, if you want to buy a car by March next year , you would be dividing the cost of the car (lets say 3million naira) by the number of months (12) to get the amount you need to save monthly. Breaking large goals down into smaller ones makes them seem less daunting.

So now that you know how much you need, you need to draft out a plan to make sure you either increase your income or increase your savings. You can start off by getting back all you’re owed. A little 10k here, a little 25k there and you don’t realize a lot of your money is in other peoples’ hands. Try to get them back. If you... read more @https://olliealley./2018/03/14/how-to-save-money-fast/

EnglishPolice:
Dear Op, I think something is seriously wrong with your brain. Why is it that your major problem is only on love, relationship, partner, seex, etc. Pls use ur time in a more productive way. My piece of 'akara'.

If you read to the end and proceeded to the blog, you would know how utterly asinine this statement is. By the way, why are you here in the relationship segment if your brain is more functional?

Most times before I put up a post, I do a mini research, that is, google. Before I start, I just want to say Caucasians have a different approach to issues.

Let’s get down to it. I was part of a discussion with some colleagues at work about handling the other woman that is disturbing your man, because you know, he’s jollof rice and ripe dodo with moin moin that everyone wants a piece of. Personally I don’t think it’s your duty to fend off someone throwing advances at your partner but I am not married as they pointed out and I’m young so maybe I don’t understand how this love something works. Anyway, they said I should post it on my blog and see what people think. If only they knew that my blog readers only read and say a silent prayer for me without commenting.

According to one lady, there are women that just will not take no for an answer from your man. They’ll barrage him with calls, send unsolicited nudes, suggestive messages and all the rest and as a woman it is your duty to put an end to it. She went further to say sometimes the man would outright ask you to handle it. I call bullshit.

So what that means is if for example there was someone at work that was flirting heavily with me and I turned the guy down severally and he still continues, the next thing is for me to call my man to either call the guy and further reiterate that I’m in a relationship or better still ask him to follow me to the office to handle the guy because…? Please tell me you see where I am going with this. That is escapist behaviour. Men are funny people, most times they know what they’re doing but they pretend like stuff ... read more @https://olliealley./2018/03/09/what-to-do-when-someone-wants-your-man/

Hello darlings, how is your Monday going? I’m currently very exhausted but I promised myself I was going to put up a post so here I am.

I am not an expert by any means, this is just a collection of things I see happening around.

So here are 5 money mistakes you might be making,

Ignorance about your Finances : There’s really no excuse to not know what’s going on in your life money wise but I’ve noticed that a lot of us young people live like this, we wing our eyeliners and life too. You need to know where your money is coming from and where it’s going to so you can properly channel it in the right direction. This is the point where you get a pen and a paper and jot down your income and expenses for the last month, compare them side by side. you will be surprised how fast money leaves you.
Excessive Frivolous Spending: Its okay to treat yourself once in a while but if once in a while is everyday, you need to chill. Your income level cannot support that, nobody’s income level can support excessive spending. A way to check this is to put away a certain percentage of your income, inclusive of monies dashed to you aside. 10, 20, 40, any percentage is fine as long as you put something aside first before you start spending. Think of it as you paying yourself a salary because you’re awesome.
Buying Liabilities: There are some purchases you make that makes no sense when you critically look at it. Do you need that new phone when your phone isn’t even up to a year yet? Do you need that new...read more @https://olliealley./2018/03/05/money-mistakes-youre-making-and-how-to-correct-them/

I am angry! I have had tears in my eyes the whole morning for something that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Once again, the common narrative of a young girl being told stories of wealth and splendour by a man just because he wants to hit it has played out. Yes, this man is married, Yes, this girl was stupid but that is not even the issue here. The issue here is, somewhere in all of this, this man is not bothered, what am I saying? He’s a bastard.

And then someone is telling me not to blame him because he didn’t grow up in the best of circumstances. Wooooooow.

I believe we all have stories, some are more bleeped up than others, but we have all been through shit. We have all experienced pain from abandonment, unrequited love or just plain not getting our way. Is that now an excuse to be a sorry excuse of a human being? to derive pain from peoples hurt? I know we’re a summation of traits inherited from our parents and our experiences but I also know that ultimately, we determine how we end up. Ultimately, the decision of whether to be a good or a bad person rests on you. AND yes, behaviours can be changed through conscious effort.

Having said that, I’ll go ahead to put down signs to watch out for in a person to know if they’re being manipulative so you can detach yourself or best know how to play the cards you’re being dealt with.

Manipulative people believe that their way of handling a situation is the only way because it means that their needs are being met, and that’s all that matters. Ultimately, all situations and relationships are about them, damn what you feel. If there’s a problem, its your fault, never theirs. everyone in their life has wronged them, everyone treats them like crap or at least that;s what they tell you. Ultimately they may try to get you to take responsibility for satisfying their needs, leaving no room for fulfilling yours.
Manipulative people disregard boundaries. They are relentless in the pursuit of what they want and have little regard for who gets hurt along the way. They will crowd into your space, most times taking you away from your usual life. they will try to tell you why your friends are bad news. Essentially, they want to be the only one in your life. They can be likened to a parasite—in the natural world this is often an acceptable relationship. In human behavior, however, feeding off of someone at their expense is depleting, exhausting, weakening, and demeaning
Manipulative people prey on our sensibilities. They know they have a good chance of hooking you into a relationship because you are a kind, feeling, caring person, and, of course, because you want to help. They may cater to your goodness and kindness at first, often praising you for the wonderful person you are. But over time, praise of these qualities will be minimized because you are being used in the service of someone who really doesn’t care about you. They really just care about what you can do for them.
They will always always talk shit about others to you. If you are stupid,...read more @https://olliealley./2018/02/21/let-me-manipulate-you-i-was-raised-without-a-mommy/

Next week Thursday will make it four months since I launched my fashion label. Lanyabydesign is something I’ve always known I was going to do because of my love for fashion. In University, my lecturers made a joke of me most times because I always looked too fancy for an Accounting student.

It’s been only a few months I know but I think it’s in order for me to share my experiences as an entrepreneur. Sometimes when you’ve been planning something for a while, it’s hard to stop and acknowledge how far you’ve come.

So here are things I’ve learned so far on my journey to 30 billion in the akant

Don’t Think Money. Think Value
If you go into business with the sole aim of getting rich, you won’t. Money is hard to come by, so if you want someone to part with their hard earned money (how they earn it is not your business sis) then you should be ready to provide value that you would pay for. I make clothes that I would wear. If you go on Lanyabydesign, you’ll mostly see pictures of me wearing my pieces. I make one of every piece of clothing for myself. If I wont be caught dead in something, I don’t make it. Let your product be of the best quality.

Have Enough Funds to Run For 3 Months

It’s good to have positive thoughts towards your business. The truth though is sometimes it will take a while for things to fully kick off. There are bills to pay, little bills that add up to large figures and honestly, it might take a while to ...Read more @https://olliealley./2017/11/14/lessons-from-lanyabydesign/

izaray:
Wat a nice guy. Was he scared of taking u guys to his place to pass d night, then back to hostel when its officially opened

lol, I guess he didnt want us to feel like he had bad intentions. He is truly one of the best people ever and now we're friends.

This has been going round on Instagram since yesterday and its cool to see that notallmenarescum after all.

I was kinda disappointed that I couldn’t reel off sweet gestures, it was more difficult than I expected but I remembered some and decided to make it a blog post.



This one is something I don’t think I will ever forget, it’ll probably be the first kind thing I will always remember someone doing for me. So one time, my friend was contesting in one pageant like that, the venue was far away from Uni but what are friends for if not for inconvenience right? well, we went to support her, two of us. She didn’t win or we’d have driven back to the hostel in our new car. At the end, we were stranded because it was late and there were no vehicles at that time of the night. This guy, one of the organizers, drove us and a few other girls , dropping them one by one at their homes until it was remaining my friends and I. Hostels didn’t open till 5:30 and this was probably 2 am but he kept on driving till it was dawn and he was sure we could get in alright. He didn’t need to, he didn’t even know us except for my friend that contested but he drove for hours on end until it was 5.

Just recently, someone gave me his ATM card. He was going to get something inside the mall and I had something else to buy and we were short on time so he gave me his card to get what I wanted. He didn’t even know... Read more @https://olliealley./2017/10/24/whats-the-sweetest-thing-someone-of-the-opposite-sex-has-ever-done-for-you/

She looks amazing. A definite HIT!!!

I hate anything that has to end with me having to forgive someone. I hate the idea of forgiveness because that means I have to hurt to forgive. I don’t hurt easy. I’m the type of person to replay episodes in my mind till I pass out from fatigue, that is, when I don’t slump into unending depression. I don’t hurt, I break. I break.

I know all the quotes about forgiveness, I have them on my phone, my pc, heck I even advice people on it but I’m not a forgiving person. I’m not the type to release the person that hurt me to karma or God or Buddha, I exact my revenge. I make sure I cause a damage double the type I was inflicted with. I stay awake nights and coast through days thinking up painful ways to do this. I am not a forgiver.

I’ve been thinking about forgiveness and hurt and karma and the law of cause and effect. I know you wonder why obviously evil people seem to have it good in life, they kill, cheat, abuse, terrorize people but it seems like they’re still having it good. What gives, Karma? Why? Why does nothing happen to these ones, why is justice not served, why does the victim suffer for nothing? I don’t know the answer for sure but I think it has to do with the fact that they think they should do those things. Guilt is not something they relate with and because they don’t feel they’ve done something worth being punished for, they don’t get punished. The victims on the other hand feel they’ve been greatly wronged... read more @https://olliealley./2017/09/09/create-your-karma-forgive/

I sat next to your MCE on the bus today and I nearly broke my neck.

You know how boring those bus rides to work can get so I was glad when this guy entertained me albeit without his knowledge.

He was dressed in a colourful Ankara shirt and trousers with black flat sandals and an Infinix phone. The Infinix phone was cracked really bad and held with rubber band at the bottom, I use a BlackBerry that tests my patience on a daily so I’m not judging him.

Anyways, he was chatting with this girl; Becky Spain, that’s how he saved it, telling her how much he missed her last night, how much he thought of her and how much he loves her. Becky Spain was reading and not replying. He told her how she doesn’t believe when he says everything he has is hers and... Read more @https://olliealley./2017/08/18/your-mces-infinix-is-held-together-by-a-rubber-band/

What would you like to eat?”. I can hear him but I don’t know how to answer, why to answer. Dude is miles away from me, what difference will answering make?

”Hey, I’m still waiting for a reply” comes next over the phone and I decide to play along, if only for conversation sake. I reel off different meals I would love to sink into instead of this debilitating hunger that’s racking my body. ”okay”. What? Okay? Okay.

This guy is not even normal, yes he might look normal but he really isn’t. First time we met, I would have run him over with my car but I didn’t have one. That’s how annoying he is. Carrying shoulder up and down the whole place you would think he was 6ft tall. For where? I was hungry, now I’m pissed. What does okay mean?? No, I didn’t ask him. I have an image to protect.

Thirty something minutes later and another call comes in. The caller wants to know if I’m Lily. I could be, depending on what he wants to say. At the mention of food, I became Lily. No, that didn’t come out right. I am Lily. So, annoying dude managed to get food across to me **swoon**.

He is nice, takes me out on breakfast dates, drives me where I need to be. The late night drives…ugh…amazing, riding around... read more @https://olliealley./2017/08/15/chronicles-of-lily-the-starter/

Yayyy! The blog is ONE today and if not for WordPress’ reminder, I’d have missed it. I’ve not been on here as I would want to but I’m proud of what I’ve been able to achieve in one year. I’m not even half way through with plans for the blog but I’m grateful. Grateful and proud!

To show my gratitude to my blog readers and everyone in general, I’ll be doing a little giveaway in collaboration with LanyabyDesign, my Ready to Wear Fashion Line. We’ll be giving out a dress in size 8. shhh dont tell anyone but this is the most expensive piece I have in stock. The winner will have to pay any delivery...read more @https://olliealley./2017/08/09/blog-anniversary-giveaway/

This was meant to be a post on girl code.

Yesterday, after hitting the publish button on this post, I had plans of taking on girl code next. Girl code means a set of codes girls must abide by in dealing with fellow girls or risk being kicked out of the community. It sounds grave I know but that’s only because it is a serious issue. I had a list (I promise to post it after this) that I wanted to add to, so naturally, I sought the help of ladies at my workplace. Weirdly, they didn’t know exactly what I was referring to so I had to explain by citing an example. ”Exes of friends are off limits”

That’s how it started.

I believe whole heartedly that your friends’ ex cannot be the person you end up dating or ”gasps” marry. Like how? In this world of over 7 billion people how is it possible that your happiness lies in your friends’ ex How? I already said...read more @https://olliealley./2017/07/13/are-exes-fair-game-or-are-you-just-a-mad-person/

I love food but I’m sure you all already know that. All the guys I’ve dated (divide whatever number you just thought of by three) are (were) great cooks , hardworking too (well, I like to reserve my energies for more tasking exercises like jumping into conclusions).

So it was kind of unbelievable that of all ways to punish a boyfriend, I decided to not eat his food. He had promised we were going somewhere only for him to decide last minute that swimming was a nicer idea and with friends too, his friend and girlfriend o. Nobody went anywhere that day, I think his friend still hates me , but I was still upset. Like how could you change plans because of someone’s plan with his own girl? What’s my own inside? It’s not like he didn’t apologize but I held onto the anger for my dear life. ”How could that even cross his mind?” I kept asking myself over and over again.

After trying to get me to talk and laugh and failing, he left to the market, came back, and proceeded to the kitchen. All the while I was pretending to be asleep but alas, the aroma of the plantain porridge that was being prepared blocked my focus. Next thing, oga came in with two plates filled with food and tried waking me up (as if I could even sleep sef), I did the perfunctory tossing from side to side and rubbing my eyes (I never do that when I’m genuinely asleep tho), opened my eyes and I swear my heart skipped a beat when I saw food; chunks of fish can do that to you. But remember I was ...read more @https://olliealley./2017/05/13/ill-show-you-by-not-eating/

y, this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. The rate at which women get called ashawo is alarming. For those that don’t know ashawo means prostitute and in my dear country, it is used whenever a woman acts against other people’s standards or whatever.

I got called ashawo recently by a bus conductor because I gave it back to him when he was being rude simply because I told him I was getting close to my bus stop at which he proceeded to tell me to move to the front because they didn’t want to stop there. I asked him if he wanted me to come sit on his head as there was no space in the front he was yelling at me to move to. Before I knew it, I heard “all these small girls that are fucking married men”. Just like that. With my whole Nysc uniform I was wearing. I told him at least I’m not like his wife that’s still fucking richer married men and he can go on saying whatever because that’s the only thing men would always use to insult women. That was the end of that.

I think I can try to add to this list :

Live alone, Ashawo

Fix your nails and lashes steady, ashawo

Don’t respond to “eeeeees, sister, ...read more @https://olliealley./2016/10/09/ashawo-oshi/

o soulmates really exist or are they just myths that have been brought about by Disney movies and kisses that lead to happily ever afters? You know, that someone that you connect with the instant you meet, kinda something like love at first sight, the one person created for you.

I’m such a sucker for love that this idea of a soulmate should be appealing. But wait fes. I have questions.

What if my soulmate is in another continent? What if he’s in a seminary? What if somewhere along the line he makes the decision to finally come into the body he has always felt like a la’ Caitlyn Jenner. What if the person was a stillborn or died in an accident before we had a chance to meet? Most importantly, what if we never get to meet?

The idea of ‘The One” I’m sure came from the bible account of the creation of Eve (romantic stuff) and we would all like to think there is a man out there whose ribs we’re carrying. But still…

Personally though, I don’t think there is the one, there are people you dislike on first sight just as there are people you love without ever having spoken to them. Besides, nobody can honestly say in all their years on earth, only one person has met them halfway in every way.

Case in Point 1: Myself of course.

There was this guy that I connected with like that , he was amazing. If I asked him to jump, he’d ask how high, he knew how to give me attention while letting me be at the same time. He knew how to cope with The Difficulties in being with me. To my friends, he was the one. To him, he was the one. I was the only one that didn’t get the revelation, maybe because I don’t believe in the idea of soulmates. Anyhow, it was easy (was it?) for me to leave when he started behaving like this like that.

Case in Point 2: My friend *Irene

She meets someone today, he’s tall, handsome and rich. He’s the one. She meets someone next week, he buys her that perfume she has always wanted .That other guy is becoming annoying, this one is the one. And so the cycle continues.

The idea of a soulmate is as romantic as it gets but I don’t think any other person on this planet was created for you and the success of relationships isn’t dependent on looking at partners through rose coloured glasses as soulmates. Love is a choice, no one is going to be perfect for you, you just have to find someone whose imperfections you’re willing to live with. Other people do not belong to you, especially not for you to fantasize and build them up in your mind as something they are not and will never become. Relationships are based on choice, communication, understanding , compassion, tolerance and love. All these you can have with anyone you choose to.



Do you believe in soulmates? Have you found yours? How do/did you identify yours?
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