₦airaland Forum

He's obviously not your friend even though you see him as one. He's your frenemy - he's egoistic/self-interest in you. He gave you a Greek gift, like Satan. Call him to order. Make him to understand that you appreciate his help and at the same time make him to understand that you don't owe him servility. After that, make a plan to do a one-time tangible thing for him on your own discretion and convenience and keep your distance from him - of course, remain good to him from the distance. When dealing with people like him, you've to be ready to forfeit whatever bond that holds two of you and forget about what outsiders will say about your reputation, because people who are not privy to what you have passed through in his hand will definitely conclude that you are a wicked and ungrateful person. 

If you fail to call him to order now, you will live to work for him directly or indirectly for a very long time, if not the rest of your life. He will use psychological projection (guilt tripping, goading and gaslighting) to subjugate you and rip and drain you for as long as he desires. In fact, as far as you continue to progress, even if you quit the job, he will always feel entitled to your riches and may plan to kidnap and rob you. It always happens.

One feasible reason is that your cousin married a quasi-/fully financially emancipated egoistic/self-interest woman who didn't have altruistic interest in him. So, the object of attraction that made her to accept his hand in marriage became unappealing/unpleasing to her after having a dose of it therefore the reason why she jumped the fence.

For an egoist, loyalty ends where an object of attraction that stands as a bond becomes unappealing to her/him - it's even worse if she's one with little or full financial means.

For a person of strong ethical leanings/sane person who values marriage where the couple and offspring will always be mutually happy and have mutual peace of mind, one of the worst kind of persons to enter into a marriage contract with is an egoist who's financially emancipated/who becomes financially emancipated in the cause of the marriage - one who doesn't have altruistic interest in you.

It depends on your ethical leanings and her own ethical leanings especially. Whether or not you live life on principle, don't discard her if she's principled and has been altruistic to you, because the lady you described here isn't unresourceful, her financial standing notwithstanding - a little endurance and push will make her better.

However, if she's perfidious which means she lives life on expediency rather than principle - i.e. she's either materialistic or parasitic - discard her with alacrity, because neither loyalty nor faithfulness can ever be her forte.

Product of reciprocal continual altruism by two conscientious people who are pursuing closeness temporarily (if it's a relationship of convenience) or oneness permanently (if it's marriage).

Love is the greatest refreshment in life.

UjuJoan2:
Even obsessive people want things done in a certain way, do that for them and they will have nothing to obsess over.

An obsessive person isn't automatically a narcissist, a narcissistic person can never be satiable.

UjuJoan2:
People never understand that if they only did the right thing there won't be any reason to nag.

This isn't entirely true.  People who nag, or whine, are of two classes:

- People who're innately sententious and insatiable - narcissists fall in this category.

- People who're being taken for granted by their partners despite continually using voluntary slavery to sustain their relationship for too long or outright oppressed people.

Your aim should be to lead them, not to control them - you don't control a sane human being. Leadership is a calling to serve those around you/your followers, not a call to oppress and suppress them - a true leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way. If you follow this step, you won't have a problem walking and working with the sane ones among them.

However, if you discover any insane one in the cause of leading them, the honourable thing to do is report them to your uncle.

In summary, take to conscientiousness and you'll be fine.

@OP

Dream interpretation isn't your forte, citing most of your answers so far. Don't worry, I'm not here to take your shine away from you.

There is nothing surprising here because there are a handful of people who play politics of principle and conviction in the country.

You are the major cause of the problem, citing your item 1. You are the type of person who wittingly or unwittingly trample under someone's foot continually and always quick to say sorry while at it. You cannot claim to be an adult and still feign ignorance of your action and inaction that would constitute to an abuse on another person, or not knowing when you offended them. Conquer yourself in this regard and you will see the problem solved up to 80%, if you do, she will automatically sit up, unless she is innately insane, thereby almost eliminating item 2 and 3. Strive to win her back and stop meting out abuses on her - of course, neither indulge nor condone abuses from her too after winning her back.

Also, after conquering yourself, you will overcome your suicidal thoughts - your suicidal thoughts stem from your continual failed bids to use disingenuous approach to have her under control. A conscientious you will bring a good turnaround in your relationship with your wife. She is a retaliator in this case, not an instigator - you are the instigator.

Two things do cause a sane person to squash their emotion against their partner/close relative/spouse like in this case:

It is either that she has had enough of your abuses (emotional, financial, mental, and physical abuses) or she is on the final phase of her original plan from the inception to destroy you.

If the former is the case, win her back and refrain from abusing her henceforth. However, if the latter is the case, give her a dose of her own medicine, not necessarily with the same approach.

Vulnerability is one of the true tests of compatibility and, by extension, sign of a mutually healthy relationship. If you have a woman in your life who cannot stand firmly for you/treat you respectfully after seeing you in your vulnerable state, then she is not worth your closeness and love and its benefits.

sassysure:
Relax, it's all for fun. No harm intended

LOL. I know and that's why I said that you have taken a bribe.

sassysure:
Anytime I want to read your post, I must consult my dictionary. Going to and fro is dizzying.

Can't u use simple English so people can engage you more.
I think u are also suffering from sentenciousness
(Whatever that means).

You have taken a bribe.

Misogynists and misandrists are twins and they have the following things in common:

Paranoia: they are always paranoid - show me a paranoid person and I will point to you a person who has a penchant for subjugation.

Cynicism: they are always cynical - show me a cynical person and I will point to you a perfidious person.

Sententiousness: they are always sententious - show me a sententious person and I will point to you a hypocritically disingenuous person.

Plead:
You must be a learner.

LOL. You and wahala are like 5 & 6.

Ishilove:
You used it as a verb, not an adjective.

I used it as a predicative adjective. Don't worry, I am still imitating you.

Ishilove:
*Consonance

Consonant as an adjective is correct in the context I used it.

aeion:
LordKO has spoken.

LOL. It's very obvious that I borrowed those words from you.

Your erroneous representation of what a formal middle aged woman is notwithstanding, a sane middle aged woman (in your context) is likely to achieve self-realization and, by extension, have a self-conviction than an average young woman. So, it'll be a lot easier to walk and work with her, provided that her conviction is in consonant with yours and both of you have altruistic interest for each other - happy ending is almost certain. 

However, it is like a timebomb waiting for explosion to walk and work with a young woman (or even a man) who has not achieved self-realization and does not have a conviction, because the very moment she achieves self-realization in the future the likelihood of the center holding water will be very slim, especially if she forms a conviction that is not in consonant with yours.

LOL. Love remains the greatest refreshment in life, it can never be a scam. People who will say that love is a scam are either those who do not possess its attributes, therefore cannot love genuinely and safely, or those who have erroneous understanding of what it is.

Don't mistake strict parents for oppressive parents - offspring of the former always turns out well, especially if the offspring isn't innately insane.

Strict parents do train their offspring to exercise their liberty and live life within the confines of decorum. While oppressive parents do train their offspring to live life within the confines of their self-interest and wishes, thereby denying them liberty and, by extension, make them disingenuous.

Pseudo/wannabe libertarian parents, on the other hand, usually turn out to breed crass and expedient offspring, because in the cause of forming woke, they allow their offspring to live life and exercise their liberty on the periphery of decorum.

Strict parents are literally the true libertarians - strict parents are akin to conscientious parents.

Her disposition shows that she's innately greedy - and she'll grow up a greedy woman. Unfortunately, attribute isn't eradicable, but malleable and manageable.

The best way to manage her and help her to grow up without the attribute destroying her is by placing an unrealizable duty on her desire at any given time, regardless of her age. Then after her moments of trial and failure on the duty, you give her just a consolation part of her desire. If you can maintain this strategy her possessive and entitlement attitudes will reduce and, by extension, her tantrums. And with time, she'll master the act of managing her weakness by herself.

Good one.

bukatyne:
Nice one.

There are more flattering pictures of these peeps than the ones on the cover.

It seems I will feature your advisory company in The Wall Street Journal very soon, with your flattering photo superimposed on it  . . . just get your flattering photo ready. Mama de mama. LOL.

We have bad FDI policies, so there's nothing cheering about a news like this one.

@Mariangeles

Nutritionist Extraordinaire!  What happened to this our thread?

cococandy:
I wouldn’t call it depressed but there are a lot of things going on around the world that makes me sad.
The sadness comes from a feeling of helplessness. Like “oh if only I had the power to stop this bad thing or that bad thing from happening to this or that person/s or group of people.”
I don’t want to go into details.
Thanks for asking OP

You have the willpower to surmount your overwhelming current disposition: stay continually occupied with a thought of conquering yourself without striving to conquer the world, while loving the world without hating yourself.

The person, or both persons, who did not come into equity with clean hands.

bukatyne:
I would recommend for a lady who has a year or two before getting married.

A wife is not about the chores, those can be easily outsourced.

Seminar can gloss, but it cannot permanently polish, a woman's (or a man) personality, so:

- A woman with a low or average MI (moral intelligence) cannot afford to live on principle, regardless of her IQ - seminar can only teach her how to temporarily gloss her weakness at any given time.

- A woman with a low 1Q cannot afford not to be either quasi-foolish or foolish, regardless of her academic level -  glossing doesn't work here at all, even if she is dumb.

- A woman with an abnormal EQ and/or IQ cannot afford not to be erratic - her calmness does not lie in her hands, instead it lies in the hands of the person(s) she associates with.

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Excuse me, do you know theraminestree

No.