₦airaland Forum

The overall discerning ability of a high-net-worth individual who lowers guard like this needs to be questioned - his business acumen notwithstanding. As a man, most importantly as a high-net-worth individual, in all that you gain, gain discernment.

NewSoul:
They've never been there. They are all narcissistic and manipulative.

Citing your statement above, examine yourself first and make sure that you aren't the problem. May a time, when some people are resisted from meting out their nefarious acts against others, they become vile and hypocritically sententious - greedy and conceited people and people with any form of personality disorder are good at this. Assuming that you've posted this from the position of a family breadwinner, it'd make a different sense to me.

Wrong adherence and application of his posit will simply lead many men to their destructions. The only things women, and any human being in general, don't need to earn from a sane man, or any other human being, are consideration and politeness, and only those who're able to justify them after receiving them deserve other things like closeness, attention, respect, adoration, or love in its completeness, subject to the kind of bond one needs. Condone or reward disloyalty/unconscientious acts with goodness in the name of treating women well at your peril.

Treat and relate with people based on their ethical leanings rather than their stratum, gender, nomenclature, etc., if you need peace of mind in particular and prosperity in general.

As a woman, if you wish a responsible man to treat you well, stay conscientious. It amounts to greed and derangement for one to aim for what they didn't merit or earn.

Two things are involved, either you were servile towards her, or you were self-absorbing and opportunistic towards her. Had it been you were a good and no-nonsense man, she either wouldn't have left, or you'd had been the one that dumped her.

You can never go wrong operating on a conscientious stance in any type of relationship.

ImaIma1:
Really? I know it's people like my husband that make that list (batting my eyelids).

But you know our Nigerian men especially on this forum try to form like they are herods and pharoahs in their houses. So I wonder how come about being the best husbands

Your husband surely deserved to be on the list because he obviously has a great and understanding wife. Generally, we're trying, and we can only get better as we aim to extend the lead for at least another 40 consecutive years. As for forming on a forum like this as herods and pharoahs in our houses, make we blame am on our alter egos, na ihm de misbehave.

Stay safe and blessed.

ImaIma1:
It's quite obvious she's a happy wife. Those Nigerian women you are comparing her with, do their husbands treat them well despite the hardship?

ImaIma1, you don't seem current; the lastest world releases on countries with men who make the best husbands in the world, Nigerian men top the list again, and it's been so for the tenth consecutive year. Give us our due credit.

I wonder when most of you will know that all women, or men, aren't the same ethically. Your wife hurts you, which doesn't even automatically put her in the position of the betrayer since she might have meted out to you an equal but non-proportional portion of your toxic act against her after exhausting her tolerance, doesn't automatically mean that all women will hurt their husbands in the same measure, especially unprovoked.

Learn to always come into equity with clean hands and relate and treat people based on their ethical leanings rather than their gender, nomenclature, stratum, etc. That is the surest way you can always be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. Spouses who can't entrust their respective secrets in particular and lives in general to one another shouldn't remain in the marriage.

You're simply a man who takes pleasure in avoiding acceptance of the outcome of his actions. Start to assume the full outcome of your actions because it's one major hallmark of a responsible adult.

JovialJune:
[s][/s]


If she is who you say she is, people will see it, you all wouldn't have the need to defend or spell it all out, so she is definitely not all you say she is cos no matter how much one tries to mask his/her character, bits and traces will definitely show

This is actually the first time I'm noticing who Op is actually, and honestly, with the way she is vehemently trying to limit Kamaris' position and feat as a woman, if buka gets to that first female VP position and people dismiss it and her as nothing worth celebrating, she will shed bloody tears, wail her intestine out, she would even hate herself for trying to achieve a feat that has never happened in my dear country, I like when people imagine themselves in a position of the person they are trying to castigate or bring down


Modified

I just read some of her topics, all I can say is, she should never be in a powerful position cos her first line of duty will be to demean women,

She should also never be certified marriage counselor, if she is, sorry for her patients o, that marital rape thread, naaaa.

I don't join issues with bumpkins in particular and small-minded people in general, so scram and look for your type elsewhere. Better still, direct your further mention to whoever is the unfortunate man in your life, if any.

[quote author=mariahAngel post=98349584][/quote]Elegant MariahAngel, retreat and stop the disparagement. You and Bukatyne almost share the same psychological traits/have the same psychological quotient. So, if she is a pretender, then you are too - but I know for sure that neither of you is a pretender. Both of you might not be of the same ethical leanings - which explains the difference in your demeanors - but you two possess diplomatic traits and operate from a diplomatic POV. Perfection is out of the equation; no human being is perfect. One can only strive to be fair.

Yes, I can tell who is who and what anyone can do at any given time and circumstance offline or in secret. There is no perfect human being anywhere; instead, there are just some human beings who take delight in fairness/goodness. Also, there is no evil human being anywhere; instead, there are just some human beings who take delight in oppression/evil.

Sheathe your sword.

pocohantas:
Oga rest. You are not the person to talk of inferiority complex.

A man mightier, yet considerate, than you and everything and everyone around you and inferiority complex can't be used in the same sentence. Now stop projecting yourself on me and stop crying. You and I know that I couldn't have woken up one day and pleasurably decide to hurt you - everyone else, except you, is always the problem.

Once more, I've decided to pity you, so stop hurting yourself, queen.

pocohantas:
Let Buka throw in Igbo Presidency into her opening post and I give you less than 30secs to show your real character. Toor!

Small girl, stop hurting yourself; anyway, I've decided to pity you since I've long and successfully proved that no one person has a monopoly of pettiness in particular and toxicity in general.

Stay safe and blessed.

pocohantas:
Says the person that is always tearing boxers at the mention of Igbo/Anambra.

I only "tear boxers" at the unjust deriding, exploiting, and debasing of any just thing, regardless of whether it's Yoruba/Hausa/Igbo/Anambra, etc.

It all boils down to an inferiority complex, which breeds reveling, goading, gloating, and arrogance at even a little victory, even as an appendage; persecutory delusion and aggressiveness at resistance to perpetrate unfairness/evil; withdrawal at failure. No thanks to megalomania in particular and small-mindedness in general.

The following advice "]n relationship or marriage, your happiness come first before anything else" has always caused anyone who follows it the opportunity of having a healthy relationship/marriage with aristocratic men and women because it takes self-absorption and or opportunism to make it happen. Just imagine your partner having the same mindset/philosophy.

Aim for fairness. The right mindset should be that which is fair/right comes first before anything else - principle over self-interest and expediency. That which is fair can be advantageous or disadvantageous to you.

Meanwhile, to your main issue, you alone know what personifies love/peace of mind for you. If cheating from a partner isn't a thing that personifies love for you, the honorable thing to do is to dump him. Of course, it'll amount to hypocrisy on your part should you expect your partner to condone cheating from you.

Opportunism is evil. Anyway, make sure you marry the first lady, your betrayal of her loyalty so far notwithstanding. Just find a way to appease the second lady and extricate yourself from her life; there's always a way to appease every person. Of course, eschew opportunism henceforth.

You're in a loveless marriage. It doesn't matter whether you're the reason why your husband doesn't love you, or he didn't achieve self-realization before marrying you; however, his actions and inaction show that he regrets getting married to you, citing your submission. So, the problem in your marriage didn't start from the point you made your choice to have your biological mother to visit - which under normal circumstances shouldn't have caused a problem, even if he's unfavorably disposed to the idea - the problem only reared up its ugly head from that point.

He's a man who hasn't conquered himself ethically and mentally, thus the reason why he's a slave to native doctors - the native doctors aren't the problem, but him. He isn't fit enough to lead himself, least of leading another grown-up in particular and a family in general. It doesn't matter whether he's of good financial and academic standing. By the way, your shortcomings are glaring; strive to be less self-absorbing.

@OP


Make do with the fact that your mother has a schizoid personality disorder. Now, you neither need to hate her nor allow her to continually drain you and everyone around her; instead, use a love-carefree-resistance approach to have her under control and manage her. Don't expect empathy and its benefits from her. There's nothing much you and anyone can do to eradicate her condition, you can only manage her, and she can't help herself much, no matter how much she might wish to.

Let me assume that your brother isn't the one with a problem. When a man marries an unconscientious woman who doesn't have an altruistic interest in him or a woman who has any form of personality disorder for whatever reason, he ought to know that he must have a well structured psychological game plan to keep her under control continually, fairly or unfairly. Your brother has long lost the union and family authority to his wife - psychological warfare is inevitable wherever two or more people who aren't mutually from strong ethical leanings share closeness/bonding, except where they mutually have an altruistic interest for each other. However, assuming that he knows his onus in this regard, it's still possible for him to bring her and the children under his authority, regardless of his financial standing and any damage already done to him.

You haven't conquered yourself; thus, you're neither the master of your fate nor the captain of your soul. Sorry is your name. You're a slave to your wants, and by extension, you don't have what it takes to love genuinely.

When you conquer yourself, you'll automatically be in a natural state where you can always genuinely give everything in any type of relationship without losing anything or having anyone hold you to ransom emotionally and psychologically in the event of the collapse of the relationship.

Learn to be a genuine lover; it's the sure way to be in the position of walking out from a toxic relationship or person like a boss without being held back by anything.

Chii59:
If you gave women due credit, will your balls shrivel up?

I'm not the cause of your frustration or that of your ilk. Now scram and direct your further mention to whosoever brought you into this world. I don't join issues with anyone, least of all a small-minded person like you.

It's quite an unfortunate incident. The woman, however, might not actually be dispositionally heartless or wicked. It could be that she was pushed to take such a stance - of course, without knowing that it'll cause such a fatality - due to the continual irresponsibleness or abuse of her husband. It's one thing for a person to be economically poor - which isn't a crime if it isn't as a result of irresponsibleness - but a different thing entirely for one to be economically poor and opportunistic or economically rich and self-absorbing/irresponsible. The actions and inaction of an economically poor and opportunistic person or economically rich and self-absorbing person can even cause a saint to do something worse than the devil, where bonding exists, like in this case.

However, if the woman is truly the self-absorbing one in this case, then she deserves a single bullet.

Greed and or poverty and senselessness are the causes of almost all the marital woes/divorces in today's world:

- One who conquers greed will not marry another who didn't personify love for them, regardless of whatever such an unfit other entity possesses materially and physically.

- One who's economically poor and senseless, with or without being greedy, will fall for anyone that tickles their fancy because they don't have any set standard or plan.

- One who isn't economically poor but senseless and or greedy will fall for anyone without regard to principle.

- A senseless person might not want to be resourceful, just as a greedy person who manages to be resourceful can't be contented and selfless.

In summary, there can't be a healthy marriage in the absence of love - self-conquest and bonding with the one you shared the same ethical leanings breed love. Of course, a healthy marriage is one where the spouses involved are mutually happy.

If she's the type that takes delight in oppression/evil, have her born the child out of wedlock and allow her to remain a baby mama - your wish not to have a child out of wedlock notwithstanding, it's a cross you need to carry in this regard. However, if she's the conscientious type, without mental and physical connections with her baby papa, marry her and invest in her to acquire tertiary education to perfect your wish in that regard, especially if she has an altruistic interest in you. Single motherhood has never been a disease; I'm not propagating it nonetheless.

Good cheap advertising and marketing strategy by Fel Steve - if you don't tell people what you do and your location, they won't know where to find you in order to patronize you.

That said, the fact that this one is a scheme doesn't nullify the fact that some women have been doing such, and much more, even though they mostly do it from the place of reciprocation and self-interest rather than from the place of initiation and altruism.

Women, regardless of whatever movement they identify with or status they attain, have always submitted to men or their possession; some do genuinely because they possess the traits; others do disingenuously to perfect their deceit. In fact, crass and or opportunistic women, whom public bravado and posturing are their hallmarks, are always the quickest to submit directly or indirectly, albeit disingenuously.

So, wherever you see a woman who failed to submit to her husband/companion, know that either the man has lost his object of attraction or the object of attraction isn't appealing to her anymore.

Unfortunately, there're more than a million Nigerians outside Nigeria in a similar condition like him all over the world, and all of them have two things in common anywhere you meet them.

Sixfeetbelle:
Since he considers her below his standards, why the fuq does she need to get him back into her life?!

Let him go and find a woman in his standards. Nonsense

I'd say let me wait until when you grow up and when any reasonable man takes a risk to manage you not just as a girlfriend of convenience but as a companion/wife before I'd answer you, but I doubt such time would come unless you change for good quickly - I sincerely wish you do. Well, the guy isn't the one who's worried about the survival of their relationship; she's, and it proves a salient point.

Meanwhile, the kinds of women who carry the air of haughtiness in the name of "independent woman" are the poor/wannabe rich and conceited women, and by their display on a thread like this in particular and the forum in general, a discerning person can always know them.

Now focus on becoming resourceful and an independent-minded woman rather than wishing to appropriate an "independent woman" to yourself later like some frustrated others before you.

As if your ignorance and lack of grit that made you not to know that her interest in you from the beginning has been on what you can offer or the prospect of what you could offer her materially and not who you're as a person and kicked her out of your life, before she betrayed you, aren't shameful and irritating enough; here you're shamelessly entertaining a thought of taking her back now that you've known through bitter experience. Come on, get some grit, and stop being feeble-minded. She's a frenemy and should be treated as such.

Greed in particular and poverty in general are great diseases. See how almost all of them have crucified the said guy and termed him insecure simply because the OP claimed to be an "independent woman," as if once a woman has a personal ability to cater for basic needs, she has automatically become desirable, precious, and indispensable to all men.

Well, OP, you come across like a woman whose main leverage prior to the misunderstanding between the two of you occurred is her money rather than her independent-mindedness - an independent-minded woman (or man) isn't the same thing as an independent woman (whatever the nonsense mean). The ability to cater for own needs, as a woman or man, should be like the icing on the cake, not the cake itself like any woman who carries around the air of haughtiness in the name of being an independent woman and the poverty-stricken and greedy men and women who support the nonsense notion want everyone to accept.

The guy obviously considered you below his standard and didn't see you beyond a mere girlfriend of convenience. If peradventure he gives you another chance, ask him politely where he wants you to improve. In him, I see a man whose core standard of what a worthy companion/wife should be is based on the woman's strong values rather than mere superficial and material things she possesses.

This doesn't automatically mean that you're a bad person, and, of course, it doesn't mean that he's a saint because his shortcomings are quite obvious. Insecurity, however, isn't one of his shortcomings.

With your conceited disposition as evident in this assertion "Every man wants a dumb woman who is fine as hell." it seems you're simply looking for anyone with a contrary opinion to abuse. Anyway, let's see how it goes.

Well, no, not every man wants a dumb woman who is fine as hell because some of us have almost seen it all with women of all strata, shapes, and sizes in particular and life in general. Therefore, I, for one, have always had preference for conscientious women. That overrides every other thing and will blossom to commitment once I observed that the interest is altruistic. There's no dumb conscientious woman anywhere in the world. And, of course, what adjudged a physically beautiful woman most a times differ from one man to another, thus one of the reasons beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

In summary, our love languages/preferences differ just as our ethical leanings differ.

One can only justifiably crucify the guy if their relationship was one built on the foundation of mutual love/altruism. However, if she's, or both of them, always been the kind of person who sees an intimate relationship as a form of a business partnership or transaction, or game, where contention and scheming are the order of the day, then he doesn't deserve crucifixion for his thoughtlessness and meanness towards her after the loss of the baby. Self-absorbing and opportunistic people don't deserve the pleasures of thoughtfulness and consideration; those are for conscientious people.