₦airaland Forum

When we pray and ask God for blessings, it is also important to be grateful for what we already have.  What are you grateful for today?  What do you wish to thank God for?

I am grateful for my safe travels this weekend.
I am grateful for the ability to work and make money.
I am grateful for free meals at my job.
I am grateful for Henry who picks me up and drops me off from the megabus. 
I am grateful for having a patient like Dotty, she is friendly and kind.
I am grateful for the beautiful days in November.
I am grateful for the people who will help me through nursing school.
I am grateful for everyone who smiles at me during the day.
I am grateful for spiders, because they kill and eat nasty flies.
I am grateful for Barack Obama.
I am grateful for my computer.
I am grateful for my sore knee, because it serves as a weight loss reminder.
I am grateful for the wonderful ideas that I have.
I am grateful for the air that I breathe.
I am grateful for my wonderful family.
I am grateful.

--- Your turn   

Hmm, I think that her response was strange.

As a woman, the only time that I remember becoming aloof after a declaration of love, is because I assumed the guy didn't really love me or the thought of falling for the wrong guy, made me run.  So her issue with love could be;

1.  She's afraid of love because she's been hurt before.  She doesn't like committment.
2.  She doesn't believe that you really love her.

Anyway, when a person has a fear of love, there's nothing that you can do.  The more you try to convince this woman that you love her and would never hurt her, the more she will run.  She is afraid that she will be hurt again.

So what you can do is tell her that you will stop calling her, but she is welcome to call you when she feels ready.  Let her know that you value your friendship with her and that you didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable.  Also mention that she could be missing out on being with a wonderful guy.  Then stop calling her.  You must not have ANY contact with her, until she is ready to call you and open up again.

Once she does, this is your opportunity to rebuild the friendship again.  Do not act as though you love her, just be a caring friend.  The more that she is able to open up to you as a friend, the more she will trust that you would never hurt her.

Sometimes it is good to talk to her about other loving relationships you've had with women.  Mention how well you treated an ex-girlfriend, but don't go overboard, you don't want her to get jealous (laughing).  Give her time to see that you are one of the good guys.  Be patient and allow her to open up and feel vunerable with you.

She has a deep fear of letting go, and appearing vunerable.  So you will have to be patient with her if this is the girl that you want.  Good luck and pray; ask God to open her heart.

when he is with you, fart loudly and then jump back away and look at him angrily

he he he he he

@ Yolu

I really like that Beyonce one.  Good work. It all looks great.

@kiwi

Sounds really beautiful.  I think of all the ethnic groups in Nigeria,  Calabar is my favorite.  I still wonder why it is rumored that Calabar women are the best sexually.  I want to know their secrets!  (laughing)

My people still practise that custom 'til today - the Kalabaris of the Niger Delta.  However, I'm not quite sure about the Calabar people but we certainly do it.

When a woman has her first child, she has to go into the fattening room at her husband's family home.  She stays there for three months, and gets fattened up.  She never has to do anything for herself except to breast-feed the child. 

During this period, everything is done for her by members of the family.  She's fed lots of yam and onunu (yam and riped plantain pounded together in oil), fish and so on.

After the three-month period, it's time for her to leave the fattening room.  Inorder to celebrate this momentous event, the female elders in the family then dress her up in very old traditional clothes that span several generations (these are always boxed up after use), such as 'india' (wrapper) and silk.   She's then donned in ancient jewellery especially big, pink cowry, all over, including her ankles and wrists.

The wrapper is only tied up to her knees, and indeed, this is the only time that a Kalabari woman has to show her knees in public.

They then give her a saucer and a walking stick with which she has to go round the town twice a day, for three days, collecting alms.  She's accompanied by members of her husband's compound, who are singing right behind her, as she goes to every compound in the town.

After the three days, she then has to perform a dance for a further three days, in front of an audience, both mornings and evenings, in the compound square, so as to bring the event to an end.

This ceremony is only performed on the birth of her first child but not the rest.

just eat about 10garlics and breath into his face

Ha ha ha ha ha - funny

@mixture

Very well said and informative, but just to ask, if I have to keep dating before I get the right one, don't you think I might have to date too many girls? How would each lady feel after dating her for a while and nothing meaningful comes out of it?

Well being as you will be praying and asking God to send you a suitable mate, it is important to trust the process.  You have to keep your faith and trust God's plan in leading you to the right woman.  When you doubt; you not only doubt yourself, you doubt God.

The thing about dating, IS that it's just a date.  If there is no connection with one woman, move on to the next.  You do not have to be a jerk, by making false committments without any follow-through.  Just take a woman out, have a good time and build friendships along the way.  Out of respect, never waste a woman's time.  1-2 dates is enough time to know if she is the one for you, or not.

Sometimes you can be easily turned off by a woman within the first 20 minutes of being in her company.  In this case, make it one date.  When you meet "the one", you will know.  She will have a glow and you will feel at home with her.  The date will feel easy and you might experience a great deal of synchronicity; meaning that "things" will flow easily.   

The connection will be more than great.

lol

Ladies, how do you take it when your man withdraws from you? what can u do to support him? and Gentlemen what usually goes through your mind at this point in time and what do you expect your woman to do or how do you expect her to react seeing that you really can't give her attention at this point in time that you seem depressed?

I think someone posted this question in another thread.  But anyway, if you've ever read "Men are from Mars and Women are From Venus" the author speaks of how Men are sometimes like rubberbands.   Meaning that, they tend to stretch their rubberband out of reach and then bounce back when they are ready to return.  During this phase, a woman should just leave him be.  She should live her own life and do things that make her happy.  Men also tend to compartmentalize.  They have a difficult time multi-tasking and tend to handle one task at a time.  So you may want romance when he is trying to finish a project at work.  He will focus on the project at work and then focus on you when time allows.

When my guy withdraws; to be honest, my heart will just sink into my thigh (laughing).  But I know that I didn't do anything to upset him, so I try not to take it personal.  They key is to stay busy.  You could go to the bookstore, take yourself shopping, go workout, watch a few good movies or visit a friend.  Just try not to call him.  Let him call you when he is ready to spring back from his rubberband phase. 

When supporting him, you could just say "Baby, if something is bothering you, you can always talk to me."  Most of the time a guy will not talk to you until his problem (work, car trouble, money issues -etc) is solved.  Men want to solve their own problems without dragging women into the situation, but he will appreciate you for being concerned. Men dislike talking endlessly about problems that need to be solved.  So pressuring him to talk may only create more distance. 

Try to stay busy and keep yourself happy and fresh.  Let him know that you have a shoulder he can lean on, but allow him to conquer his own challenges.   He'll be back with a warrior story.

@poster

Though she is 5.5ft but she says her boyfriend should be a foot taller than her. What should i do?

You could start wearing rollerskates.

Spend time:

Reading
Hobbies
Movies
Dinner
Quiet time
Listening to music
Writing
Hanging out with other friends
working
Building your career
Further your education

There are loads of things you can do by yourself that builds you.

Really good advice

Yeah, you will have to be very firm with him and straight to the point.

@Sillyboy

Mo gbe idi fun nitori wipe iwo so toto wi pe o ti fe kukute ri. Sugbon mo ni ibeere kan fun iwo naa: Se ooto ni wipe awon kukute okunri ma nni nkan to tobi gan? . . . ma binu ti ibeere yen ba ju enu mi lo ooo, mo kan fe mo ni

Yeah, my thoughts exactly.  *grin* (psssst, I'm african american)

You should just explain that you're not ready for marriage. I think that any mature woman would understand. Wish them the best and refrain from sexual intimacy. You don't want to send mixed messages.

Its not ok. Its too early . . . sex should not be the foundation of a commitment.

I agree with DavidDylan here.

I think it's okay to have SAFE sex on the first date, if you're not expecting a second date.  (laughing)

I saw a Nollywood movie once where a woman tried to use JuJu to hold the interest of her husband. The ritualist told her to wash her vaginal area and save the vaginal water for her husband's soup. -- *barfing*

But I know that's just a Nollywood movie. Who really does that kind of thing

(laughing) I don't see why anyone would have to use JuJu to catch Oybino for marriage.

Every race of man has been with a white woman. So I sense that marrying white is an easy task, why use JuJu?

  huh