₦airaland Forum

Masonkaycares:
If this makes FP am deleting my NL profile.

It already has

Fulfill ya promise

I have a beard and that's ok

No need having another under my armpits to trap heat and pollute my own nose.


I shave mine

emmaodet:
When a woman reaches an age when she cannot compete with her younger self is when she hits the wall. For men as we age we realize not only can we compete with our younger self but we eclipse him.
She can't compete with her younger self, never mind the new pretty young things just coming out of high school and universities. A girl at 32 can't outdo her 22-year-old self. If she wants to stay reasonably attractive, she has to put in work.

Lol...I have seen this desperation many times in older ladies. If you wanna make them cry, just stare at a cute younger lady as she passes. They know that age never favours a woman,not after 30 years and in a society where marriage is seen as an achievement, unmarried ladies at that age, get unusually depressed and frantic, to get hitched.

The 'pretty young things outta high school and uni.' line made me smile. A man who knows his value and has an abundance mindset,knows he has like a gazillion options to choose from.

So why tolerate rubbish from an entitled woman?

ZIMDRILL:
you are missing the point

Having a child has nothing to do with obedience, having a child means it is your respsonsiblity to raise them with or without obedience

African parents blackmail their kids as if its the kids faulty to be born, whereas it was their choice to have kids unprepared for the responsibility to come

So raising a child and obedience are two separate things, while you are raising a child thats when you teach them obedience and child not having obedience doesnt take away your resposiblility to look after your children

Though in this case a 20 year old is very old enough to have mastered few things to able to obey parents without creating a fight for the parents, there are underlining issues in this story. Both parents have contributed to the child's behavour

The boy, father and mum are all wrong, how would you feel being woken up 7am to wash a car ? the father should also show some respect to his son, for me at 20 he is nolonger a boy but a man he also deserve some man respect from his own father. If you own father doesnt respect you as man, how are you going to respect the father of your future wise, charity begins at home. The father is not teaching that to his son he is teaching him how to command through african hierachy as father without consideration of mutual respect.

The mother is also helping in breaking the relationship between father and son, always work as unity when giving role/work to children, the moment you give conflicting messages a child will choice where his/her wishes are being followed. The disobeyed parent would be seen as nonloving/rush parent by kids and that can create a drift between the two parents and also kids might drift to one side the easy one

Your last paragraph is what concerns me bro.

I have said my piece on the others.

Have a good one

Winneygirl:
As dem swear for you that you cannot read with comprehension, you did not see this part: or places you guys could go.

Why don't you go and climb Mount Kilimanjaro and pray about your shortcomings in life?

E pain you die

DrFunmisticGlow:
if the father/mother is a deadbeat and nothing more than a sperm/egg donor. Do you think the kids will owe them obedience?

Don't be so black and white in your thinking.

You knighting your children? What are you? the queen of england? Get your head out of your arsehole.

K

BigCowH0rn:
You need to talk to her and take her shopping.

Shopping!! Shopping and shoppping!!!


Restaurants!! Food!! Dates!!!

Bla bla bla'...


This thread don taya me


I'm off

Winneygirl:
Do you take her on dates?
After 2 kids, If you guys don't do any adventurous things, she will only get clothes that are comfortable for staying home.
Set up a routine where you guys go out. Ask her to list different restaurants she will like to visit, or places you guys could go.
It doesn't have to be expensive. Just mildly fancy.
Tell her you want to make it a date. You both dress up. Look and smell good. No kids.
You can do it twice monthly, or once a month. Depends on what you guys want.
It's a gradual process, but you both can work together to bring back the spark.

Why must it be restaurants for fuq sakes?

Dem use food swear for una ni? How will those useless calories aid her outlook? Lemme guess, make her more portly, triple chinned and feeble as fuq with diverse health issues.

Let them go to the mountains to pray biko.

frozen70:
11 yrs in a life of a woman with child bearing is enough to change her personal look if only she is subjected to all kind of home front wahala

If you think you guys are OK, then you get it wrong check out the following questions

Do you have children that makes noise and makes her scream over them

Does she works, as in does she gets up as early as a banker, prepare the children for school and then prepare their meal and prepare herself for work

Does she goes to market after work or weekends, then come back and goes to kitchen to prepare meals and at night you still make advances at her and she still gives in to your requests and still wakes up the next day to repeat the same cycle

Does she contribute financially to the home affairs and other areas

After reading the above questions, if she does all this that's exactly what is weighing her and making her look older than her age

The above duties can be shared let her just be doing the bed stuff while you do the rest, you will also looks exhausted and stressed

Seat her down let her share the house chores and let's see if things will change for her to appear good looking

Lastly, every month take her for shopping at leat three outfits a month including night wears let's see if she will not look hot since you like them looking hot

Lmaaaooo....

So sharing house chores and taking her out for shopping will make her look young?

Did you read the post? OP said she is not going through any STRESS and finances are ok?

Una no go kee me for nairaland

DrFunmisticGlow:
they don't actually owe you obedience. They should obey you because you have influence in their lives and that brings about respect.

But I agree that he should not tolerate disrespectful behavior from them. He should kick them out. At 20 and 18, they're not babies anymore.

Your first sentence is wrong.

I'm not one for biblical sayings but all cultures know this that children should honor(obey and respect) their parents.

In an African society, even kids that are not yours obey you when you speak to them.

In as much as we are trying to sound woke and developed, there are certain things that will never change.

My kids owe me obedience. I'm their father. Totalitarianism and Sadistic tyranny are not what I am talking about. Just plain simple obedience, at least till they are old enough for me to knight them as men and women with their own families.

smiliyB:
My dear, they don't owe you anything at all! You brought them to this world, they didn't beg you to. You can choose to do what's necessary to earn their respect or you can have the ultimate fear you want from them. But remember, loyalty is everything and can't be found everywhere.

So my children do not owe me obedience?

So because I decided to give birth to kids,they must be wayward, untrained, undisciplined and caustic dregs?

In an attempt to sound futuristic and a white man ideology-copycat, you ended up disgracing yourself.

Why on Earth do people seem so emotional and blind to glaring facts and become hypocritical?

Are you really telling me that BS up there or are you in the middle of something extrasensorily mind numbing?

So the biblical phrase of "spare the rod and spoil the child" comes from a place of knowing kids need to be trained,they need to obey. Since you lots love the Bible, check what the holy book says about children and obeying their parents.

So a man that trains and suffers for his kids must tolerate their disrespect because they owed him nothing? I wonder if it were to be the wife being disrespected, what your answer would be.

Romanoff:
Na truth I tell you so. A lot of women have stayed in marriages with unfaithful husbands. I've seen marriages where even after their fidelity of the wife, the narrative still went on.

Why I wan lie

Romanoff....yen yen yen

I now know why your mouth is big

FirstCounsel:
A very bitter paternity case I once handled for a male client started exactly this way. After 27 years of marriage,madam turned the 3 kids against oga. Guess what? It turned out 2 out of the 3 kids were not ogas and madam bolted away.

What DAFUQ!!!!

megareal:
You sha wicked.

You love me like that jare

StacyO:
On it's way from the sky

Space girl!!

Sixfeetbelle:
Lax in parenting usually comes up when one parent isn't there as much as he should. Op said his brother wasn't always there physically so I sense a lax. That aside, even when he was there, we can't be sure he was physically and mentally present. Children always pick up on those things and use it to undermine your authority.

Ermmmm....you are not sounding convincing Mai dear.

My dad ain't always around. My mom sure has been. But she never rebuked him in front of us. NEVER. So he saw him as the sword of Justice for every wrongdoing we committed that she reported to him. Even when he won't even beat us but chastise us,we still feared him

CalliDora1:
The shower requires a bathing chair .

This doesn't look modern. Anyways, it's Ibadan so, it will be modern to them. @ luminouz people.

clockwisereport:
Lol. Can't you see how confused you are?

First, you said u do not believe that someone who have lived abroad for 17 years keeps visiting native doctors. I countered you with an example of a cousin that have lived in Belgium since 1994 and still visits native doctors.

You then resorted to "African culture" and how western religion have blinded me. Oga, if I may ask, if visiting native doctors is not diabolic, please give me (us) examples of things that are diabolic.

K

Marvieduke:
You are a big fool for insulting my head and lack orientation. Idiot

K

clockwisereport:
You just retorted to insults and las las you made no point.

Made enough to get this confused response to me.


I'm done with you.

Marvieduke:
See how fast they renovated it within a short period of time, seem they have a plan.

See ya coconut head.

Na same YOU go complain if Dem no build am on time.


You lots are the same as your leaders

slawormiir:
Damnnn niggarrrr
Isoright.....
Rebuild for now
But when we move again
There ain't gonna be Nigeria and lagos not to talk of rebuilding structure
Because Nigeria is gonna be history by then.....as the movement will snowballed into a cataclysmic revolution
And no matter what we the youth will not turn swords into plough shares....untill Nigeria burn we will not rest
A looming sword of damacles is imminent ..
We all should fasten our seat belt because it is gonna be a long ride....

Just smoke more weed.

You make sense more when you do

Queenlovely:
Shaming women seems to be the past time for our men now.

I understand things are hard but for God sake leave our girls alone,

men like Reno Omokri who has reached the Pinnacle of politics in Nigeria, who were opportuned to turn the tide could not do anything, instead they found a collective scape goat in women. Are women the reason for our poor economy, are they why government is corrupt,

let us not make our girls soft target, and fall man to blame. women must be taken care of, the poverty in the country has made some girls Hussle double, they cannot do the same work as men, and men will not help them without reward.

olosho is a symptom of a bad system, a bad government, when America entered 2007 financial depression, so many white women became prostitutes but when the economy stabled, they left the business, the gap was filled by our Edo girls
men like tunde Ednut should be hanged for body shaming women

Goan hang him in the US na

See her head like 20 naira lollipop

clockwisereport:
It is very possible. My cousin have been in Belgium since 1994 and guess what, he is the most diabolic human being I have ever seen. He goes to all native doctors in Enugu Ezike anytime he comes back. He does not even hide it from us, not even his father.

So going to native doctors is diabolic?

Are you that ashamed of your culture and values? Yet you are quick to accept and validate the white man's religion.

See how the West conquered Africa and still controls your psyche even now

bizhop01:
I don't see any issue here, i think you have one problem that makes him fade up with you and the problem is you talk too much.

Talkatives bore dafuq outta me.


I just ignore them totally. It kinda drives them mad.

OP even added nagging. That's worse. I just pretend like she doesn't exist.

mariahAngel:
Women have truly suffered!


" Don't complain! Suck it up and bear it!" Says the world

Sigh!

Suck it UP woman

Or I will deal ruthlessly with you.

What nonsense


N.B: Get married and you will see how much you will suck up. Better stay single,if you have the balls to go against societal beliefs

Marital woes Week!!!!

Nawa o

Bola146:

Talk na..make I wooze u

lovelybugs:
You're being very emotional about this.

First of, taking care of your children is not a sacrifice it is a responsibility.
He actually tried in putting them in a relatively expensive school and he should be commended because he didn't have to.

This issue on ground is something that will only get worse as those children get older

He needs to rectify it now.
Those boys are way to old to use force on.
So he needs to tackle the issue from another point.

As for the wife, I really don't see her as an issue.
Like I said, his children doesn't respect him and it's something he needs to fix. With time they would be the ones pestering him to help him do things and that comes from a place of love.

I honestly don't care if you don't feel the need to have a bond with your children. That is your choice.

K

lovelybugs:
Lol
Funny how you think feeding or taking care of the children YOU brought to this world is doing them a favour.

Obey, obey, obey. That's all you care about.
Anyhow sha.

Funny how you skipped the wife's part again and discounted every sacrifice the husband made. Damn gurl, you is a sly mudafucker!!!

Bond, Bond, Bond...that's all you care about!!! Bugs Bond

lovelybugs:
If the car is the only issue then it's not enough reason to say they are disobeying him.

Since there's two of them this is even simple sef.
Let them share the task.
Son A washes today, son B tomorrow.
If washing it early is the issue they should wash it when he gets home.
He should compromise and let them wash it 5/7 times a week. Is he caring and compassionate to them?

Children of that age aren't stupid.
What you need from them would be respect and not the classic fear that has worked from when they were little to adolescent.

Give them treats once in a while.

He needs to bond with his children.
Men think it doesn't matter but these little things determine the kind of relationship you will have with your children in your old age.

I bet he doesn't even know anything about his children.

He should set aside time, could be a day, once a month, to take them out without his wife, on a field trip, go visit a resort, amusement park, tourist attractions and really take time to know his children.

If he's a genuine person, they'll grow to love him and he'll be amazed at the change that will happen.

And OP, money isn't the ultimate form of care. Whether he spent 2mill or 20k on their fees won't matter in the long run. What will matter is how he treated them.
What will matter is if he treated his children like someone he loves and cares for or like some investment he's expecting ROI from in the nearest future.

Where is the sense in this for Pete's sakes?

Which useless bond does a father need to have before his sons obey him? Was there a need for bonding when he pays their school fees or feed them? Or was there a report of his maltreating them Everytime or even beating his wife? It's sacrosanct that these sons OBEY him at all times, unconditionally. Which mumu bond are you looking for again?

You didn't even talk of the disrespectful wife at all. Ain't that sweet of you! The wife spoilt the whole show by encouraging the kids to flout their dad's orders, WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES. Had it been he dealt with her and the sons saw his willpower, they will note he is charge and fall in line. They have seen he won't do shiit and like most kids, they follow the best path of least resistance to their will: in this case,the MOM!

What I find baffling is how even men here kept yapping about bonds and binds and bondage and James bond and stock and bonds...without making any tangible point. The issue is that his wife already left him high and dry and his kids followed. I remembered a case on NL about a man who wakes up everyday to fetch water on his head for his whole house and he has grown up boys and girls and a wife. WHAT DAFUQ DID YOU THINK MADE HIM THAT WAY?


Please,scrutinise a story and be logical with your conclusions. Only bukatyne made some logical points.

VTJN:
From the way u sounded, you are more concerned on the money your brother spent on his kids which is absolutely bad. his children & wife are his responsibility. I see no reason applauding him over his duty, if he doesn't no one will. As for his children disobeying him don't jump to conclusion that their mother is responsible for it, tell ur bro to sit them down and talk to them, he can disclipline them they are his kids. you yourself can talk to them with love, you are their uncle. Divorce shouldn't be an option in this issue.

How many times will y'all say this 'sit them down and talk to them" shiiit?

It will never work.