₦airaland Forum

airminem:
"""PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn."""




"We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled."

Now she s ended with the stronger punishment.
Now you also have abandoned her with a baby.

Some parents should stop looking for shortcut husband for their daughter abeg.



GUY, STOP ROAMING ABOUT PREGNANTING ROAMING GIRLS.

Yes, these "roaming ladies" often get impregnated against their wish by "roaming guys." It's always a man's fault; ladies are always blameless.

A lot of people who claim to have never had sex without protection are sanctimoniously throwing shade at the op and his baby mammy. What pains me the most is that multiple abortionists are castigating the lady because she refused to become murderers like them. Bloody hypocrites!

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders.
It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length. There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled. During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements. I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother. So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime. Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.
The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

How are you sure that the pregnancy belongs to you, considering what you have narrated? Come on, it is possible it isn't yours, and she has cleverly pinned it on you knowing you are a bit naive about relationship in particular and women in general.

Even after you accepted the pregnancy without due diligence, why didn't you visit the family and ignore the talk of marriage that was their term of reference? No reputable family would be happy to see their daughter put in a family by a man who seemed distance, disrespectful, and "irresponsible." So I will urge to go see the family and explain your financial situation to them, especially now she is weeks away from giving birth. You didn't commit murder!

My take on this issue, going by your disposition, is that you don't really love this lady enough to marry her. The claim of not having money now is a mere subterfuge. In any case, her family wants you to show commitment, make a promise that you are going to accept her as your wife. I would advice you make such pronouncement without much ado, because it will be beneficial to your career progress.

bruno100:
Oh ok, being broke always might just make me give in...I'm just not in for all the stress that comes with the job and mine is part time for now...anyways all the best

Don't accept the job. You are not cut out for it. Putting square pegs in a round hole is one of our major problems in this country. Politicians and their cohorts have destroyed the teaching profession by imposing on the system people who no business as teachers.

Amanee:
Some areas where using 'did' seems redundant, there are lots of instances like these throughout the write-up

Wow! You are good. I'm impressed. I thought you would flare up at seeing my request.

Amanee:
There's such a thing called redundancy, when you repeat a word or phrase a lot of times, it becomes redundant. There are lots of ways to show past tense in a write-up without slamming 'did' in every sentence

Fair enough. Would you be kind enough to disclose at least two of these "lots of ways to show past tense in a write-up" to people like me and the Op to enable us to write better in the future?

Amanee:
Never seen someone use 'did' like you 'did' throughout the write-up

it's precisely because he has a good mastery of the English language. His near-perfect understanding of the language made me to initially doubt the veracity of the story. It's also because he is narrating a past event.

ImaIma1:
A woman that loves her man would try to look for ways to reduces stress and spending for him, and not selfishly wanting her way even if it's inconvenient for him.

Sometimes, it is not actually a situation of loving the husband less, it's usually not being reasonable enough to spend with the confines of the man's purse. And, there is this peer pressure on some young, impressionable ladies to have a "loud" wedding irrespective of their prevailing financial situation.

I think it's for " come see what missed" reason. I have had some experience and the lady still has feelings for me today. It's just weird.

I don't see where the lady is to be blamed for everything that has happened to you. That you couldn't even blame her shows she is impeccable. As for the pregnancy, that is exactly what you need most now, something to make you settle down and begin to see yourself as a man with responsibilities.

I believe you're blessed with someone that is ready to weather the storm with you, despite your disclosed infraction. The claim that you can't be a parent at this point does not hold any water, and makes you look at someone who wishes to be a perpetual play boy. You are a man now. So man up!

fineboynl:
how do you tell if she was molested. She might enjoying it. I have seen a 11 years old having sex with a guy of 21. It's was not forced they have been doing it. How do we find out.

The boy look the girl in the eyes. And she followed him to a corners. That move was suspicious to one of my friend who was very sensitive and he knows that boy for been a notorious person. Then he went after them and pipe only to find them having sex. One thing that shock us it that how his penis was entering that small girl. And It was clear they have been doing for long And she was already a pro at such age.

So in your mind that seems like a normal act? A 21-year-old man abusing an 11-year-old teenager is normal? Something is apparently amiss with you.

ImaIma1:
Who is this one?

Some of you Nairaland guys are hilarious. Someone that doesn't even have levels in his compound will come and be forming master on this forum.

When you grow up and read this your post years from now, you will shake your head for yourself.

Some opinions are wild, some conflicting, yet he merely stated his opinion, just like everyone else has been doing. Granted, you didn't agree with him, but it does not warrant being angry or hurling insults on him.

Mood11:
I am a lady and my desire and dream Wedding is a very simple one.

From traditional to church blessing...

The traditional and church blessing should be same day. Traditional done in the morning and church blessing afterwards.

Would like to wed on a weekday,

With very few people in attendance.

Won't be wearing a wedding gown,

Will wear a very comfy dress and comfy shoes.

No make up or just a slight touch up which I can do myself.

There can be cake but very small and almost plain, no unnecessary decoration.

Very few guests because there would only be few already packed souvenirs which would be handed over to guests as they step out of church with my husband and I to take a few photographs.

No reception whatsoever, go home once you receive your food pack and souvenir.

After photographs, we go to our home. Happy and loving each other to continue our friendship and building life together.

It is the sort of wedding that fits this Buhari economy. Just that you need to include family members, even though your decision to have a quiet wedding is a good one.

CareerMom:
I always wanted a small and destination wedding but I have changed my mind. After every I have been through, watched all my friends marry, given my all to people's weddings and I'm probably one of the last to marry, I now want a grand wedding. Yes, I deserve a party after everything I have been through. A classy wedding at an event center will make me happy.

It is all good, if only you are going to provide a substantial part of the money to fund this grand wedding. It is doable, you know.

zuby4real10:
Hello guys, I have this small issue bodering me about ladies these days. So please anybody that can advice me weather male or female can help. May be there is something I am not doing right.
I am a single guy in my early 30s looking for a serious and matured lady to start a relationship that will lead to marriage cos I am ready to settle down. The problem I am currently facing is that any time i try to toast a lady she will never tell me yes she have accepted or she love me too, the next thing that will happen is that she will start billing me with unnecessary demands which I will bluntly reject cos I did not even know my stand yet. This happens to me. This is the 5th attempt with in 6 months almost all from desame similar issues. The last one happened this morning from a lady I am disturbing all these while with serious romantic texts and calls full of i love u and other sweet words. The lady have never for once retaliate such gesture to me. Infact anytime I am chatting with her I try to bring love topic she will do as if as she did not see it. All of sudden this morning she sent me her account number that she need money to fix her hair and other stuffs to look beautiful for me on sallah day. This is a girl that I don't even know if we are dating or not.
My confusion now is that, these frequents demands are they a way saying yes that they have agreed or not or they are just testing us to know how serious we are with the love that we pronounced to them.? How can a lady that is feeling shy to even tell you that she loves you back will be comfortable asking you for money. I am very confused right. Is there anybody that can advice on what to do next time. My problem is not that I can't spend and care for woman that I know we are dating,but these girls did not even agree to date me.

We have been saying it with unceasing regularity that relationship with an opposite sex is transactional; it is a quid pro quo. If the bimbos are quick to submit their terms, nothing stops you from equally disclosing your demands. Why do you lamenting because someone is clearheaded enough to make their objectives unambiguously clear to you? It is you who has proven naive in the game, that has to sit up and learn the trade.

With the way and manner you write English language, I think your parents are super smart to deny you some things you don't necessarily need.

Acidosis:
You see why I call you deluded lots clique of ediots?? Dude said I urged and hailed her on a particular thread I know nothing about and you believed the lie hook line and sinker like a typical brainless zombie.

Isn't this the modus operandi of brainless lots like you?? Slide into people's DMs, and once you're rejected like an expired debit card, you come back to Nairaland to spread lies so men like you who can't think for themselves can massage your dead ego.

Your lying idol already gave me a new profession oo Weyrey said I'm a tailor and I'll like to make one of you ediots my very first client. Let me sew your lying lips with niddle and thread. You won't have a mouth to refer new clients by the time I'm done but at least, you can recruit new zombies with your lying fingers.

Weyrey

A brilliant mixture of humour and fireworks. Nairaland is an interesting space.

Why would you allow someone to treat in this manner just because you think you love him? This is unacceptable. I think you have low self-esteem that gives him the conviction that whatever he does to you, you would explain it away as a necessary discomfort expected in building a relationship. So he keeps on abusing you, debasing you since you appear cheap and senseless.

Get out of the relationship and regain your self-worth and esteem. If love is not reciprocated in any form, it becomes slavery and foolishness. As it is now, you are a slave to him, one that sheepishly does his biddings.

Masturbator2020:
Lol..well,I'm actually a busy person but I'm really interested in getting to know her..Truth is,I have been searching for Nigeria woman for quite sometime now.And the fact that she came online to make such post sound appealing to me.So let's see how it's goes.

Godspeed.

Masturbator2020:
Hi.
Looks like the mails with attachment finds it difficult to deliver..

Baba, you have gotten something to keep yourself busy. Imagine the relentless exertion of energy to get a bimbo!

An immature poster with an immature post, seeking for a "matured" advice. Okay, the lady is matured by her actions, while you have proven to be immature with hasty generalisation.

ouzo1:
person wey even get gas...make him do giveaway joor.

Haba Baba! Fear God o. You want to receive "giveaway" from a "guy" in this kind of room?

FOLYKAZE:
It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

I know it is not a good time for both of you, seeing how you guys started the relationship. But what you fail to understand is that what you have jointly achieved is greater than any problems you are facing at the moment.


It is clear to me that you are still interested in the relationship, despite occasional sabre-rattling. This is why the buck of the responsibility to have a better and a peaceful home lies on your shoulders. Of course, your woman has to play a supporting role. I am also aware that she might have presented her account of the story in a way that suits her, but I see a woman composed, hardworking, and keen to have a good home, but certainly not without flaws. At end, you guys must practice give-and-take for peace to reign, and has to begin from you. Show leadership, set good example, and she will respect and adore you.

The ordeal you narrated is a common predicament of most young Nigerian ladies, who are unfortunately condemned to suffer the consequences of their poor sense of judgement and choices. If what you wrote is the truth, there is no excuse whatsoever to continue living with your baby daddy, if he is not willing to turn a new leaf. But I doubt he would, because there is no strong pressure coming from your family.

Since he is on this platform, it is good he reads what members have got to say and, if possible, try to react to some of them in a civil manner. The fact that you didn't pay a dime on a woman, or that the family is not strong enough to stand up to you, is not an excuse to maltreat and turn her into a punching bag. From what you disclosed thus far, I got the feeling that you have been contending with a BEAST and not a man. If you don't want her to stay with you anymore, kindly and amicably tell her so, that would accord you a veneer of a gentleman.

It is best for you to state clearly what your reasons are for suddenly developing cold feet over a decision you took without seeking the face of GOD, even when you claimed to be "saved." I had a good laugh reading your sanctimoniously empty boost of spirituality, while at the time accusing someone whom you have known for a long time to be spiritually lukewarm.

The truth is that, you are seeing someone else probably in the church, whom you think you are spiritually attuned with, and remembered that your boyfriend of three years is actually the devil himself.

At the point of taking money from them, you never realised they are "loan sharks." This is when the terms and conditions of the loan are clealy stated, and one could back out if not comfortable with these terms and conditions. It's only at the period of repayment of the loans that they suddenly becomes "loan sharks."

I don't see any valid reason for you to take the relationship to marriage, since you are already filled with doubts. If you aren't sure about the personality of the person you intend to marry, it is senseless -- or, better still suicidal-- to engage in an adventure you don't know when it would end.

Just like you know but refuse to courageously admit it, your girlfriend isn't different from her friends. If her friends are slay queens, then she is also a slay queen and does what slay queens do: coded prostitution.

I think you should be applauded for the courage to air your innate desire, which is clearly what an average Nigerian girl wishes, even though you tried unsuccessfully to modify it order to you make appear reasonable.

Since her family's image looms large in your home, she will continually display this sort of immature act. All she needs is a reason to flee, no matter how trivial or stupid. It is your loss that you have been unable to remove the needless interventionist foray of her father in your marriage. Man up and do it now.

However, the words she uttered to you is supposed not to have infuriated you if you aren't looking for a reason to flare up. To me, she should be appreciated for providing a shoulder for someone to lean on. That is laudable! I also believed she shouldn't have left her home because of your words, uttered in anger and without caution. There is a saying that is so apt in your situation and it goes thus: "when a person's temper gets the best of him, it reveals the worst of him."

By and large, I see two immature people trying to outdo one another.