₦airaland Forum

These are certainly deadbeat parents! Your story is unbelievably strange. Why do they procreate if they can't provide support and assistance to their children? Even if they weren't your biological parents, it doesn't make sense because the definition of parents includes a man and woman, whether biological or not.

Perhaps the age bracket of your sisters might be their reason for being distant and indifferent to their conditions, but that doesn't mitigate the fact that they are still the daughters of the family, even if they are hundred years and still live in their parent's house.

RealGboy:
You're very silly for bringing your private matters online ... And all the curse will definitely go back on your head .. typical nigerian women , when the going is sweet nobody will hear but when it turns sour , you will come online .And be making stupid noise ... Must you tag his name on this thread?..

Did you read the first thread she created expressing misgivings about his religious practices and beliefs? Are you saying she don't have the right to ask questions, especially on a faceless forum like Nairaland, about some "strange" attitudes of her guy? If he is a gentleman and feels he has been badly represented in her thread, he was two things to do: one, open a counter thread where he could challenge some of her points and conclusions. Since we are talking about a guy that has a lot of threads to his account, I don't know why it is a problem to him. Two, pay a visit to her and peacefully demand she deletes the thread with the assistance of a moderator.

The importance of this thread is a direct fallout of his ungentlemanly conduct when he visited his estranged girlfriend. So this lady deserves some modicum of respect and politeness, especially when the other party decides to use fist instead of dialogue.

If it wasn't her fault, whose fault it is? Her well-traveled experience and exposure appears unhelpful, because it didn't imbibe in her the skills of knowing how to deescalate a tensed or dangerous decision. There is a way she could have diplomatically exonerated herself, without making it appear she is putting the blame on someone. We like to upload our failures and disappointnents on a scape goat, with the belief that we are infallible.

Maybe your wife has a character defect of not accepting blame, no matter how manifestly self-evident her complicits are. If that is the case, call her attention to it, and help her to get out of it. It is sad you are starting your marital journey in this manner.

What the heck is keeping you when you are not comfortable with his religious practices and beliefs? Although most people disregard it, religion is one aspect of life we should not joke with when examining whether to date or marry someone. Be ready to abide by his religious practice since it is difficult for people of that religious denomination to come out of it. However, if you are strong-willed and diplomatic, you can help him get out. That is if he wants to. If not, just be ready to make a white gown and learn to trek long distance with your feet unprotected.

Since you don't see a future with this lady, it is very unreasonable to bring her to the United States. It is not because of the gory tales we hear and read about Nigerian ladies who, after being emancipated from poverty, become "woke," disrespectful, and confrontational; it is the fact that you are doing something you don't believe in.

Don't ever accept the idea of marrying her as she postulated. Just look for a way to settle her off, for if she is a wife material, you wouldn't be here seeking for advice. And, don't for anything deviate from your Three Cardinal Points of intersex relationship, except it is for the person you wish to marry.

Even when I won't castigate you for being overreach in your view, you obviously need to build a world for the single ladies. And this world would certainly be on fantasyland.

The basic problem of most single lady --that is if one is able to overlook other associated baggages -- is the entitled mentality that men must accept her/them the way they are, without having the right/power to state their opinion. Some, if not all, project their predicament -- which is the inevitable consequence of their youthfu indiscretion on men and the society, and therefore incapable of achieving those things you listed.

It is a sort of "Dependency Syndrome" that is the wont of many dependent, poor, ignorant, and foolish ladies. An independent, educated, resourceful, and sensible lady won't allow the so-called bad boys come close to her, because there is obvious class differentiation. It doesn't mean that the lady must be employed, no. Even when unemployed, she knows when a line is crossed and wouldn't allow it to go unchallenged. You know, majority of ladies who hold this distorted notion are highly impressionable, and possess a distasteful view of how a woman should be treated.

No, ladies of class and with high sense of esteem don't value bad boys over good boys. It is the large chunk of ladies of the hoipolloi, with poverty-stricken mentality that espouse violence as something essential.

I don't think what to do in this case is difficult. Flee and don't look back! That she hid such sensitive issue from you means there maybe more you aren't aware of. Is this the character you want to have as a wife? Do you wish to begin a family on a pile of falsehood? You deserve better. You can't be tied down because of her past indiscretion. She should be able to carry her cross.

That you think she won't choose the man with cash ten times over you makes me confounded. Which sane man goes cap-in-hand, begging a wonan who is highly materialistic inclined to dispose her Blesser? The bimbo won't end the relationship herself, that would be gross. So she expects you to read between the lines and act accordingly. It is just that you are too naive to decode her countenance.

Look, the sugar daddy has become part of the family and is well-respected due to the goodies he dishes out with complete abandon. You are the "rascal," a Romeo who has nothing, but is bent on preaching about useless love and commitment. There is no way your bimbo will cast away an abroad-based opportunity, because it unsettles you. Something a lot of bimbos are doing vigil for.

You are guilt-stricken because you are a good man, which is something good and commendable. But if it were these ladies who were in a position to render assistance to you, would they assist you? Your guess is good as mine. No lady assists a man, any man, without doing profound calcalation on what such assistance would fetch her. It is my view that you know these ladies very well, and can vouch they are not eligible to be assisted by you. You haven't done any wrong.

As the saying goes, "imitation is a form of flattery." Some of these bimbos are teachable.

That guy is an idiot for disrespecting your parents who have done no wrong to him. I am shocked you are contemplating on leaving an uncultured beast, who wouldn't pretend to possess a semblance of respect for you and your parents before marrying you off. Walking away is something you should have done a long time a ago, because the only reason he has not laid his hands on you is because of distance. He will certainly turn you to a punching bag when you become his wife.

Please kindly ignore those telling you to emulate his unsavory behaviour and become an idiot like him. No. You have to show decorum and maturity by taking a walk away from his toxic, insensate, and hateful self.

There is no point staying with a friend, any friend, who knows about your challenges and decides to look the other way. Assuming all you have stated is true, his a fair-weather friend, having nothing to do with him. An English adage says "a friend in need, is a friend indeed."

Why settle for less when you could get a better deal? Does she possess good character? Does she have credible source of income? Does she communicate with her baby daddy? There is a lot baggage to endure when you decide to marry a single mother.

There is absolutely no basis for you to lament, because you were aware of his relationship status before diving in. Why not maintain your sidechick position in peace? Oh, you have seen a good man and is eager to win him over for yoyrself. Fair enough. However, the fact that you haven't shown him what he is missing for five good years and bring him fully to your side, means you will likely maintain your extant position until he finally dumps you.

There is no shame in retracing your steps now, in admitting that you can't make headway with him. That should be your best shot now. Unless you think he is the best that has come your way. Even if he is, how long will you continue to play second fiddle?

Ask if I have ever said it before to a family member, and if I am willing to say it. By the way, is it that necessary? since Africans have a unique way of showing care and affection. It is just anything that does not mimic how it is done in the western world, is considered an anathema.

It has now become a Christmas 'shame away" than a giveaway. It is only in Nigeria you see a beggar calling someone "broke."

It is not normal. Such practice is anti-Igbo culture and shouldn't be condoned. Traditional marriage should rightly take place at the village of the girl, because it has huge relevance to the family, kindred, village, and community/town. Do you mean that the Ancestors won't be informed that their daughter is tying the knot? Their participation in the process is very necessary.

Most people today seem confused because religion/Christianity has displaced culture from its prime position in marital issues. Part of the problem is that we are trying to become Europeans, a wild goose chase we can never achieve. If marriage is cultural, and yes, it is, why celebrate traditional marriage in a place that has zero cultural relevance and significance?

Blessing1142:
I feel heavy stomach

I can't breathe well

I feel dizzy

I feel hungry but I don't have food

I sleep on the floor

I can't explain what am going through
I wish someone can take me in a see for themselves

I need support

I need who to adopt my baby.

I will die if I don't go to hospital soon

You must be a heck of a SUPER woman, a battle-tested Amazon to organise your thoughts so articulately, while suffering the list of seemingly endless maladies/discomfort.

Let us be bold and call him what he is to you: Sugar Daddy. If you ask most of your female friends, they will tell you what you are feeling at the moment isn't unusual. It is just that majority of them tend to feign ignorance, even though they are well aware of the man's marital status. To advise you to leave the man is useless, because that is the least thing on your mind for now. Just enjoy it while it last.

Nevertheless, stop viewing yourself as something significant to him. No, you aren't and will never be. Which sane man will attach seriousness to a character like you? You are just an indolent bedwarmer to him. He has a wife, a family, just play your sidechick role effectively without initiating drama.

It is dangerous to abort a pregnancy at that stage of the month. You aren't thinking straight and might make a terrible, death-defying mistakes. What of your baby daddy's parents and family members? Can't you get in touch with any of them? It is clear you can't handle this pregnancy by yourself.

You still need to reach out to your family, take an elder, a figure they respect to plead on your behalf. You can also involve your church, see how they can assist you to mitigate this ordeal.

Because it would be too burdensome for one guy to bear the unremitting financial demands of an average Nigerian girl. Therefore, division of labour is necessary; assigning each guy a task to accomplish either on weekly or monthly basis. The least respected among them and also the ones with little burden are those that are urgently tasked 2k. The failure to produce this "urgent 2k" is usually met with earth-shattering expletives, including being shamed for being broke.

There is no shame in it because intersex relationship, in the final analysis, is conducted on the basis of give-and-take. Haiving just one guy means the lady is still a fresher, or is doubtful about the prospects of the "hoeing" career.

The objective of this thread is exactly what? To celebrate an epic escape from the lion's den? Or to form a coalition of angry females on nairaland to bash men. Men and women encounter such people every day, who conceal their marital status from the opposite sex. In your case, the honeypot was not touched. That shows the man is not a gamer.

You are obviously disillusioned because the fantasies in your head exploded with the realisation of his marital status. Hey, you wrote he is a Muslim, that means he can married one than one wife. Despite his obvious fib, I think you ended the relationship in a huff, despite his sincere and heartfelt apologies.

How did she become stubborn, challenging your authority as the leader of the home? Was she always like this? Did she change? When? See, Oga, your inability to provide detailed account of your predicament with your wife, might be a reflection of your poor skills to communicate effectively.

Imagine how members of this forum are importuning you to elaborate further, provide a clear picture of her "stubbornnss" to enable them appreciate your challenges, as if you are going to pay them. Maybe you are the type that accuse people of not possesing telepathic prowess to read other people's mind and act accordingly. Don't be "stubborn" in giving explanation to us, please.

I think typing the words "Congratulations" to you is very appropriate. I hold this view because weak people would naturally walk into this landmine with excuse that they were blinded by love and couldn't see the red flags and react appropriately. Or, some would waffle that they actually saw the red flags but believed that the person would change when they get married. It is always better late than sorry. With all the character defects you mentioned she has, even the most patient man on earth will not be able to live with her.

Dude, you aren't going where. Don't delude yourself. How come you didn't notice all these faults in your girl before she became pregnancy? The talk of running away, whether out of Nigeria or relocate to a different state away from your girl and the twins, is an infantile claptrap that would certainly fizzle out as you realise the enormity of this situation. I find it odd that you aren't planning with your girl, but planning against her, whining profusely and looking for scapegoats.

I don't think any country that worths its name would give visa to your girl and the twins. On what grounds? Unless there is evidence to prove they are in danger, or that she is a citizen of such country. So your best bet is to stopping entertaining the thoughts of running away and plan your with your girl to take care of the twins.

As it is now, he will certainly abuse you the more because you have little or no self-esteem and value. You know he doesn't treat you well but you are afraid of quitting because of your little "investment" of five years. He is not going to change, why would he? because he has you at his beck and call.

Your disposition towards him and the inability to make good judgment is the reason the erroneous impression which claims girls love violent men that abuse and maltreat them, holds sway. While in reality, it is ladies who are financially dependent, or those that are completely naive, senseless, and stupid.

It worries me that you are the one who intends to embark on a journey of tens of hundreds of kilometres to meet someone you barely know. Let the guy take the risk if he values and the friendship. You appear like someone in need of love and attention and therefore vulnerable to be manipulated. Believe me, agreeing to visit him in Lagos was a poor decision, since you don't know him very well. Let him come to Abuja first, then you can reciprocate the visit after you have taken a good account of who is.

The unplanned event/work that scuttled your visit, in my view, is a warning signal to you. It is just that you feel you have to win this guy, no matter the cost -- despite some of the red flags you noticed and which you dismissed with a wave of hand. In this way, you have successfully made him the prize, and yourself, the chaser. Remember that you are supposed to be the prize, and not the other way round.

One major thing about black people is our collective inability to formulate original thoughts that would be helpful to our society. Just imagine how African countries put themselves on suspended animation and where shamelessly waiting for the west to produce a vaccine for Covid-19, as if we have publicly accepted our subhuman status. I digress.

Madam, that you brought such topic to a faceless online forum is a depiction of our inferior complex. What you seek to hear and which you already know, is how to adopt to whatever is obtainable in the western world as the "ideal" method of training a child, no minding the difference in race, culture, etc. Today, it is a severe offence to beat a child in the west, when the bible they brought to us clearly admonishes that "Spare the rod and spoli the child." If tomorrow the line of thoughts change in the west and beating a child is no longer an offence, we will reverse as the unthinking people that we are and sheepishly fellow the west. And the west is a bad example to copy when it comes to child upbringing and marriage.

At all times and seasons, beating a child at the proper parts of the body, and not battering the child, is a godly, legitimate, and approximate means of correcting a child. There is a popular saying which goes thus, "beat a child with the right hand, and draw him close with the left hand." It doesn't matter what is vogue in the west.

Bitter and frustrated feminists are pained that their attempt to recruit a member to swell their pitiful rank has met a brick wall. Majority of those that supported the doctor when her story went viral did so not because they truly seek for her happiness and wellbeing. They were pleased to see a marriage crumble and became peevish when the governor intervened and brokered peace. For Jonathan's sake, why are they weeping more than the bereaved? The marriage is safe and the least they could do, as the Doc clearly stated, is to offer a prayer or maintain their distance.

People like to create problem for themselves where there is none. I think your cousin is no longer interested in the lady and is courting a ruse, matter how unreasonable to dump her. At least he should be man enough to boldly state his intention, instead of playing hide and seek with her. To treat this lady this way, I think, is very unfair for someone who has stood by you, supported, encouraged, and prayed for you.

Come on, the talk of uncertainty of life abroad is complete nonsense, because nobody has the supernatural ability to predict the future. But that doesn't mean we should surrender to the principle of determinism and refuse to plan for the future. There are numerous ways to go about it: engage her and see her people. If it is possible, pay her bride price and let her become your wife legally before traveling. If he fails to marry this lady, the loss is his.

Even with a good, globally recognised and celebrated attorney, it would difficult for a judge not a throw your husband behind bars based on what you have submitted. However, we have since learnt how to read with caution, apply wisdom in passing judgement or forming an opinion, since we cannot verify the position of your husband.

Assuming that all you have stated is the truth, I think there is a missing link, a sort of loose connection between you and your husband. And my rational self cannot declare him blame-free, even though I know his behaviour towards you, as presented by you, is not without basis, neither is it unbridle. The actions you have decided to take are commendable, but always ensure that you discover his reason (s) for being seemingly uncaring and "selfish."