₦airaland Forum

AutoChick4U:
Many would wanna talk down on my situation but before you do, know that the owner isn't even alive and it he was, this story would be a happy one. Like they say, life no balance.

I have cried all the tears I can muster, I have prayed but the dead won't come back to life. Its left for me to be strong for us.

What about the "owner's" family members? Are they not aware of your situation? What about your family members? Were you banished as a result of getting pregnant without being married? There was a tread in which you lamented about a guy from this platform getting you pregnant and disappearing into tin air. You need to be strong, don't despair, things can still change for the better. Cheers.

Marriage is incapable of changing a man or woman who has refused to accept change. I think your family erred by forcing an unwilling, irresponsible man to get married simply because he put a lady in a family way. It's even difficult for his wife now that he has gotten a side chick and lavishes his money on the woman and her children. I am sure your disposition would have been different if the lady in the middle of the storm is your sister.

I think it's better to let him do his wish, if it will bring emancipation to his wife. All that is required is to establish a business for the woman, and get your siblings to support her in anyway possible. It doesn't make sense that you and your siblings dread financial responsibilities that would on your laps, while your irresponsible brother routinely abuse his wife and children. Are you guys waiting for the day he kills the woman before doing what is required of you? Therefore, to speedily support him to be separated from the woman and children is a duty you must champion now. I am cocksure he will surely come back to senses later, and crawl back in shame begging for forgiveness.

gratefulme40:
What do you want?
Should we replace the smashed phone?
Or come and push him out of your house?

To inform you of the recent development in her never-ending tales of woes. It's not productive to advice this lady, because deep down in her heart, she loves and wants to continue living with this monster. Talk of a masochist with an exuberant taste for self-violence.

Lostchild:
I am meal person and will never retaliate the evil done to me. The worst or best I can do is to pray for that person or against the demon in that person.

When I came home, she just watch and observe, I guess she keep wondering why I never complain or announce or show any sign about my stolen items.

I react in the same way I did in the past when someone sneak into my apartment and stolen my phone in 2010.

Just to keep to record straight, you wrote in the main text that a female neighbour broken into your house and stole your phone in 2011, but in this post, you wrote 2010. Is 2010 a typographical error? Or, is it that given your nature, married female neighbours steal your phone on yearly basis?

This is a never-ending love affair. I want to believe you don't really know what you want. I pray you get a widower that will take all your troubles away.

graciousify:
Ok Mr blessed. He established his case to you guys-the social media court of judges. So how are you guys helping to restore peace to this marriage now? Everybody is now saying all sorts. Come, who made you all a judge? It is only a fool that judges issues after hearing a one-sided story. even women that married as virgins sometimes miscarry. there are no hard and fast rules to these things. So I dont believe that it is the abortion that is causing her to miscarry. a simple cervical cerclage can solve that issue.
I agree that couples should come clean before marriage, but how many men and women are emotionally matured enough to handle certain secrets that their intended spouse will reveal to them in the process of coming clean?
Did the woman impregnate herself? everybody here is condemning abortion and claiming holy. I condemn it too. But if God should play a video of what people do in secret, we will see that almost everyone here have at one time or the other committed abortion or impregnated a woman and paid for an abortion to be carried out. The woman may have done wrong (I have not heard her side of the story) but this her hubby is not a matured person at all. Divorce her if you don't want the marriage again but don't come on here to expose secrets she told you in confidence when the going was good, all because you want to make a strong case for yourself and to paint her black. UDO

The mere mention of the word abortion usually throws most Nigerian ladies off balance, and actuates them to become irrational in their silly and preposterous defence of their deadly act. What they dont realise is that the man is as guilty as the woman, unless it was carried out without his consent and approval. I am not sure you read the Op's account where he stated that the wife's past sexual history which she didn't disclose, is responsible for her inability to bear children.

There is no point to vent your anger and call people names simply because they made comments unpleasant to you. At least, you will be a hypocrite if, for example, you have never aired your view on an issue in this platform based on the prevailing account presented by a party. And, don't worry about the Op forming an opinion from the views of members -- male and female -- on his predicament. That's, for sure, his call.

Why would your wife police you over a mere one thousand naira that did not come from her directly? The picture you painted, from not wanting to take her out, to accusations of being drunk and flirting with your eyes, shows a man who has been thoroughly emasculated, and whom his wife does not have a scintilla of respect for.

The fact that she resumed her toxic behaviour at home is a clear pointer that you have endured rather enjoyed the ten-year marriage. To me, her enunciation of hatred to your person is not a Freudian slip; it's actually what forms her sheer disregard for. It's now too late for you to write this wrong without causing a fundamental injury to your marriage.

Diplomacy doesn't answer all problems, that's why war is inevitable, and it's also an extension of politics. You have already started the process of getting him out since, according to you, he has overstayed his welcome. So, godspeed in this all-important task.

People like you have the uncommon humanitarian virtue to run and manage charity organisations. I am very impressed, thus far, because you have been tending, without showing rancour or dissatisfaction, to a "less privileged" student. Therefore, I will urge you to continue doing the good work for your reward is in heaven.

Don't forget to stay away from friends who try to discourage you from sending the "urgent" 3K needed by that damsel. In fact, as a way of extending your good jesture to humanity, I would advice you increase the money to 5K, bearing in mind the ruinous policies of this government, and the fast deprecating slope of the naira against US dollar.

There is no time to manufacture a culprit here. It also doesn't make sense to cry over a split milk. The deed has been done. What is left for you is honestly open up to your boyfriend before his friend does. It's either he forgives you or the relationship ends. Note there is no way his friend won't disclose it to him. If not now, then certainly later. It's better he hears it from you than from his friend.

There is no time to manufacture a culprit here. It also doesn't make sense to cry over a split milk. The deed has been done. What is left for you is honestly open up to your boyfriend before his friend does. It's either he forgives you or the relationship ends.

Sterope:
I wouldn't smile either

Why wouldn't you be happy on a day that's supposed to be one of the happiest days in your life?

Your Signature presents a whole of talking point.

Sterope:
You don't get lonely when you have lots to do.

That is not exactly true. Maybe you don't have the experience explained by the Op. There is a kind of liveliness that comes with staying with people, by hearing their voices, and knowing they are with you. Even if you have a lot on your hands in form of work, it won't suitable substitute for human presence.

KingLennon:
Addiction is bad. I conquered mine with Cyprivit blood tonic. It adds vitamins to your body and still make u feel high. You should try it

Baba, is this method not akin to replacing one substance of addiction with another minder one?

donbachi:
Are u into alternative lifestyle?i know why i'm asking.so,we can start from there.thanks.

Please, what is "alternative lifestyle?"

labi1977:
Rip Viki

She was around 50 I think and had a bad heart

When I met her last year she hadn't had any students in a long time at her fashion School I think she was sad and alone.

I think she made up fake stories here for that reason and also to street silly guys like myself for urgent 2K.

Anyway rip.

So you coughed out 2k against your wish? What a world!

Nigeria is a terrible space to live in, so everyone needs the support of family members or loved ones to navigate this difficult situation. I believe if she had the support of family members or a lover who actively supports her, she would have been able to overcome whatever challenges she had/faced.

Disjointed but extremely hilarious.

To date a foreigner would always hold some sort of feeling to explore new culture completely different from what you have. Since there is an inherent culture divide, it's also a learning process for the parties involved. It's this learning period that determines the fate of the relationship and why almost all these dates don't lead to marriage.

It's imperative to state that some of things we detest in and lampoon about our ladies are the inevitable consequences of the society's failure, the way they are mentally wired, and the orientation they are imbued with about life and intersex relationship. It's this makeup that most men allude to whenever they make comparison between Nigerian ladies and foreigners. But what is clear is that every country has a dating/relationship/marriage challenge it's grappling with. We cannot solve our problem by embarking on an advocacy to de-market our ladies.

No matter how much we crave for something new and different to what we are use to, we are condemned to date and marry Nigerian ladies despite their obvious flaws. It's even more advantageous because foreigner ladies come with a weird baggage that sometimes makes cohabiting/marriage very difficult and stressful. Almost all the things our ladies would effortlessly do in a relationship or marriage would not be contemplated by a foreigner who has a different cultural compass. So, in the end, it pays to date and marry Nigerian lady who is a product of your society and who shares similar cultural traits as yours.

graciousify:
I recently saw a post on Twitter where someone was asking if women would tell their husbands if they have had abortions in the past.
A lot of women decried such actions, stating that they will never tell their husbands of past abortions. At first, I wondered why they choose to hide such a past but now, I think I get it.
So because the author of this thread fell out with his wife, he came on NL to tell everyone about an abortion she told him in confidence. Chai.
At least, for the sake of what they both shared, he shouldn't have embarrassed her like this.

Disclosing to this platform that his wife had a poorly executed abortion is necessary to establish his case, since most readers would naturally impugn his submission as being one-sided. The exposure wasn't to mock and degrade her as you erroneously implied, because it's also the reason she couldn't bear children. I am not surprised that you missed this vital point in the defence of your gender.

Worse still, she hid it from him until she couldn't hide it any longer. So it's in the interest of couples to always come clean about their sexual history; it won't deter any serious-minded person from continuing with the marriage plan. But to hide something as grave as abortion that could have adverse consequence in the future is not only betrayal but contracting marriage on a deceitful foundation. That's completely gross and unacceptable.

That you contemplate between marrying a career woman with positive financial prospects and your happiness as a human being, says a lot about you. Having heard horrible tales whereby Nigerian couples abroad dissolve their marriages after a messy, protracted court battles, it's not right to marry a woman, any woman, with such unpleasant character.

So going abroad is good given how politicians and their cohorts have ruined Nigeria, it shouldn't come at the expense of one's peace of mind and happiness. Nothing can be compared to man or woman who thinking about him/her alone gives peace and happiness.

Can a person steal what belongs to him? Oga is simply taking meat from the pot, not "stealing" it.

About half of the problem in Africa will disappear the day the black decides to cut off completely anything that has to do with marriage and the church. Marriage is a cultural affair not a religious affair. The whiteman deceived our ancestors by conflating marriage with religion. Today some people ignorantly believe that all that concern their life could be judged by the dictates of their religious doctrines.

Oga Op, your baby, her family members, and the church that is so keen on protecting man-made doctrines, are fanatics that should avoided. This is surely God's way of disengaging you from these people. Therefore, make hay while the sun is shining.

There is nothing wrong with your family making recommendation to you, while you make the final decision to marry or not. In fact, they can sample as many ladies as possible for you to pick your choice. Alternatively, you can also bring a lady and try to convince them on why she is the best for you. Even if they disagree at first, they can still accept her if they see you are serious in choosing her as your wife. Never destroy the bond that binds to your family.

However, what struck me the most in your post is that I didn't read where you said/wrote you love your lady-guest that wasn't accepted by your sister. You clearly designated her as "your crush," meaning nothing significant has been established between the two of you. So why the hoopla?

Don't let anyone confuse that family is not important when choosing a spouse. A lot of people come from a background that lacks family love and protection and therefore, can't understand the interest of your family members in your choice of woman.

nairavsdollars:
What about ladies wear

Don't worry, he is a super unisex tailor. But, are you involved in any kind of internet-related crime? Can you pay in hard currencies? That is where the specialty of Mr. Kyari lies

Baba, abort that mission pronto. If after good five years you aren't convinced about the propriety of your wife, why make it a lifetime commitment? Why fetter yourself with commitment whose result/benefits you are certain will produce agony and pain? Bob Marley advocates we should "emancipate yourselves from mental slavery." Doing what gives you pain is a form of self-hate. Or, are you a masochist?

It's clear you have endured rather than enjoyed the marriage so far, why is it that you can't disclose to your ordeal to your father-in-law? Are you afraid of him? What are your fears exactly? No one is going to save you, if you don't do what is necessary to protect yourself from becoming insane because of a woman.

Love is important in a marriage, but the background of a lady is far more important, because it is what shapes her life and disposition towards the man in particular and the marriage in general. If, for example, she deviates from the principles with which she was trained, her family members are willing to rebuke and chastise her according. Knowing that her family members would not condone any form of misdirection from her is enough reason to make her comport herself orderly and respectfully. This is the reason our ancestors payed keen attention to family background before contracting marriage rites.

Another good point for men is to study the attitude of the mother you intend to marry her daughter. This is because most ladies usually take after their mothers. Just like the Op's account portrayed, his wife is a replica of her mother.

Op, please continue with this never-endung tale. I don't know whether to laugh or frown at your lacknof character and self-esteem. Why would you allow a lady to play you as if you were a ball?

There are necessary things any man willing to marry must possess: a place to live in, a source of income, and marital maturity to live with a woman and raise a family. Although circumstances sometimes force some people not to fulfil these vital yardsticks, it doesn't negate the fact that an unparapared man should not go into marriage.

Now, the issue of concealing your potentials in order to test the veracity of a woman's love is a purely subjective matter. Everyone desires and deserves some reasonable degree of comfort, so it is childish to hide who you are before a woman you intend to marry. I don't think playing "pranks" adds or substracts anything if a woman finds you attractive and feels like she is ready to tie the knot with you.

The babe is a clever bitch. She knows what is doing. See how she has skillfully put you in a confused state, while her obvious infidelity is sibject to doubt by you who is supposed to be threatening fire and brimstorm. The money spent by the man was to procure what commodity? It is certainly for "thank you" for rendering such a great service. Having been rewarded hamesomely, don't you think she is eagerly waiting for a rematch? Yes, she has slept with the man and will continue to sleep with the man because you don't have balls.

You were able to regain control after losing for a time because you married from a reasonable family. This is why our ancestors examine the family of the bride before contracting marriages. It would have been difficult for you if the family takes umbrage at your dissatisfaction with attitude of your wife and her sister, and demands you apologise or show respect to the so-called elder sister for "insulting" her. Yes, some families are so unbeluevely senseless and irresponsible.

Your wife and her elder sister proved unreasonable, maybe because they took your patience for cowardice. So congratulations are in order for having reasserted your martial sovereignty after a little confrontation.

MrMacinterchi1:
no be only redundancy.
did it affect the Grammer?. That's what you should be worried about.
chill out.

It didn't affect the "grammer," but it did besmirch the beautiful prose the op articulated.

How did you tackle this issue?