₦airaland Forum

kai....this is hard o!!!!!
IMHO the only shameful thing a man can do is to impregnate a gal that they had no future plans with (without letting her know), thats the big and only issue here....what you wrote are just ways that these men decided to use to rectify the issue. if any woman believes that the moment a man wants to mount her, its always because he loves and want to spend the rest of his life with her, is the moment she has failed in life.

btw:
1#: if you have any suspicion that you were not the only man mounting that toto, you should only accept it is yours when there is 110% proof that it is.

2#: although accidents do happen, abortions are a great way to solve a problem such as unwanted pregnancy, especially if both of you aint physically/financially or emotionally ready to raise a child properly for a minimum of 18yrs.

4#: how can anyone know for sure that the baby is theirs?! haba, in this 9ja where women are openly double/triple or even quadruple dating.......

#6: if a man is suspicious about a pregnancy then he has all the rights to ask for paternity test.....if a lady is so sure that this guy is the father then she shouldnt have a problem with it, she should just let him pay for the procedure, et voila!

#8: this lady has no business going to see this guy's mom, and if this guy believes that he is not the father (and thats what he tells his mom), thats the only thing the mum should believe (until a paternity test proves otherwise).

#9: if the gal does not accept to get an abortion and/or a paternity test then of course she should get the hell out. why would you even care for someone who does not care for you and your ideology.

lets be real here: yes, everyone can make a "mistake" and get some woman pregnant, but if A) that gal was just a hoe (condoms do break), B) you guys are not ready (it takes money to raise a child) or C) you simply do not want a child with this lady (not all women will make great mothers) THEN you have all the rights to NOT want to have a child with a lady.

NONSENSE LETTER!!! when heads of state all over the world are also begging for Indonesia to reconsider, it falls on deaf ears, this clueless woman think her letter with pleas for mercy could change the outcome. we all understand that she had to do anything in her power to save her child's life but she should have FIRST raised that child properly to understand the rights and wrongs of life. these are the consequences of failed upbringing!

ebonflex:
Guys, take note of the topic. All the best.

shouldnt you write a"person" that can be bought is not worth having...or do you think that men that can be bought are ok?!

@OP
you dont get good sex at home and you are tired of your marriage (as you have said in previous thread), so naturally you are now eyeing other men to get your groove on and satisfy you desires to get laid properly.

from the outside tap.... he touched it to open it therefore putting some poison on the tap. after being cleaned up he touched it again to close it and therefore made contact with some poison again.

doesnt remotely look professional, and that after party looked more like a joint where the judges can now enjoy the "merchandise".

@OP
if a man is really desperate for cash, and that is the only person left to help then he must accept such from FIL (aka anyone) so long as there is nothing criminal, illegal or degrading attached to the loan...... especially if it is to feed a family. you should normally have a proper r/ship with the man before you do, and you will have an idea of what hell (or not) you are going to go through, if you borrow the money from a devilish in-laws.

Skillfullulu:
For me its a no!
U can allow ur wife collect and give u but directly from him ain't good.

sorry bro but what kind of man is too proud to go ask for money but sends his wife to go beg, for his own family? and you even expect her to "give you" the money afterwards, lol. being too proud is not good man

loomer:
The truth is they both go hand in hand.

If u are talented but lazy, wat good is ur talent?

And if u work so hard without improving on ur talent u go surely fail.

exactly!!

lasstropinky:
@MrbrownJ I won't bother to butress my point anymore..But I must say it's a thing of reality that the mentality and way of life of teens disagree with your opinion and ideology of them.. Search Google and see the % of unwanted pregnancy coming from the teens.

bro, unwanted pregnancy is a different ball game.... for your child to be having sex at such a young age is ONE level of failure, but that they do so without knowing how to protect themselves, is the HIGHEST level of parenting fail. again, it has all to do with EDUCATION, and if parents are not willing to educate their kids, then some dumbass teenager will do that job for the parent. in this day and age of HIV/AIDS, you really have to be completely clueless and lost to become pregnant as a teen.... and only your parents can be blamed for that.

from their very young age, you have to set rules that they cannot break and boundaries that they cannot cross, and if you see that while growing up they follow these rules/boundaries then you are possibly on a winner here, BUT if they keep breaking these rules and crossing their boundaries then you know that you have to step up your game as this may be a difficult child to handle.

yes, many kids today have a stubborn mind and push their parents to their limits, and during puberty they may rebel against your authority, and do wrong just to try to be their own self, and against your words.... but these are the kids that need more following, more patience, more hand on ground, a different approach etc. you may have to deal with them in a different manner when time comes (clashes are not recommended). although wrong will always be wrong, you need to adapt to such problem child.

so if they foolishly start to have sex, even though you have raised them to understand the dangers of such act, you MUST adapt to the situation and educate them on how to properly do such adult act (use protection etc). not doing so can only result in unwanted pregnancy or worse. at that particular time, the deed is done and you cant go back in time, therefore there is no way around it but to educate them on the subject.

btw: if you have raised your kids right then they will know that there is no such thing as "unwanted pregnancy". when you have sex it is to make babies, there is no such thing as sex for sport.... and since there is no NO WAY to be safe 100% from pregnancy, let alone deadly diseases, they must use their brains to act RIGHT (with the RIGHT person) or face the consequences of doing WRONG.

educate them that
- there is nothing wrong with saying NO
- there is nothing wrong with being different
- there is nothing wrong with not giving into pressure
- there is nothing wrong with NOT being cool
- there is nothing wrong with standing by your decision
- there is nothing wrong with being YOU

CRIMINALS IN ROBE!

adrainuche:
Yes it is a LDR .. If I don't give her money its a bit of a problem every now and then, I would have said may be am been a maga , but it's a bit complicated since I am not around I felt I send her money for upkeep or other issues, she isn't doing any favour by dating me. Her mum calls me so as her dad and sometimes say thank u and pray for me .. So if u insist am been a maga its quite far from that.. I send her money because I feel I should so she doesn't feel I leaft her alone in Nigeria and all DAT, I stopped sending her money we quarreled and reconciled...

so what you are saying is that YOU (as a person) is not what keep this r/ship afloat, the money you send is. why shouldnt her parents call to thank you? you are doing THEIR JOBS, you have become someone's papa and mumsy, lol!

again, you seem like an intelligent man yet you wrote that you didnt not want to leave her alone in 9ja... but you did. are you insinuating that the money is a way to be with her?! you must be joking, right? its a way to think she will stay yours and not go and date other men, yeah, but she certainly aint "with you". you are in some other country bro, get real.

btw: were you paying her 30K before when you were around? and if yes then pls answer the earlier question which was:on what grounds did you decided that it was a wise choice to give her money?

any woman would love to have an extra 30K per month for doing absolutely NOTHING, look around 9ja bro. if you really think that your 30K is going to keep this woman as "yours" then so be it, good luck with your purchased love.

adrainuche:
Previously I send her money at will or when she asks but I noticed it was becoming too rampant and sometimes recursive, so I decided to place her on monthly allowances.

may i ask, on what grounds did you decided that it was a wise choice to send her money? shouldnt you offer to help someone when they deserve it?

Another problem has boiled out she says she wants 30k per month so in 12 months (NVM) although to me its a bit better because previously am sure I send her more than 30k a month, ...

so from a gift, now it became a MUST that you should give her this money every month? again, on what ground? this is when your effort are now being taken for granted.

So please I want to know if its a good idea for one to place his GF on monthly allowances and how much is ideal I once insisted I slash her monthly allowance to 20 or 15k monthly but she nearly killed me

(no offense) some men have nothing to offer some women and therefore they MUST pay in order for these women to stay with them. you as a person should be the main price, and nothing else, while instead it is your wallet. if you want to know the type of woman you have, do NOT give any more money and see the true self of that criminal you are dating. i do feel a bit sorry for young men who are being taken on a ride like yourself, to the point where women will even fight with you if you dont pay them. here is the two question you should ask this demon you are dating:
1) how did you fend for yourself before you met me?
2) what will you do if i cant provide this money blackmail?

sadly the majority will either leave you or just find another mugu to defraud until you get yourself some more money.

Some of my friends feel its a bad idea that it seems too formal like as if dating me is a job, she's 21 and am 23 , we are both in university tho I don't study in naija presently ...

wait....are you saying you guys are not even in the same country, and this is a LDR?!

@lasstropinky
i disagree with most of what you said, as you are painting teenagers like some clueless/mindless people, and if they are then let it be because of the wrong upbringing/education they got from their parents. IMHO there is nothing wrong about a teen dating so long as his/her parents has instilled in him/her the right and wrongs of life, and prepare them mentally for the real world. you have to be part of that child's life from the get go, meaning from that 1st day they open their eyes/minds until their teenage years and well into adulthood. so many parents dont educate/follow/care/raise their kids and expect that "wild" person to ultimately act right. nonsense! also, let us remember that some kids out there will become rebellious whether you raise them proper or not, and as parents, there is very little you can do about it.

#1: there is much a teenager can give but their body or money. affection/friendship/companionship/care/warmth/a sense of self/ a sense of being loved etc. many teenagers who were raised properly would understand the dangers and consequences attached to having sex, and most importantly, would understand that such act is made for adults (even though many are doing it from a very young age). also, it is good to note that most kids who are not raised/educated properly on the dangers of life by their parents will therefore be raised and educated by their mates, which is the 1st step to failure. sadly, beating your child when they fail or threatening to beat them if they do is just the wrong approach here (but sadly one that many parent take).

#2: sadly, here is where (as a supposed counsellor) you are wrong. we ALL need companionship, we all need a self of being, and this from a very young age. love is a feeling that can be felt while very young. it is also a very NATURAL feeling so long as it is toward someone your own age (teenagers). so trying to tell a child that A) it aint right or B) they should disregard that feeling is wrong on so many levels. what you need to do is educate that child how to love RIGHT. most people fail with their kids when they try to block such strong feeling thats coming from a teenager, who has a young mind and probably dont understand what is going on. in this day and age where the media is quick to throw all sort of nonsense whether in TV/internet/phones/street advertisement etc, it is each and every parents duty to be the one to prepare your child against all that nonsense. trying to pretend that its not there, and/or shield them from it, is IMHO foolish (no offense)

#3: sadly, the last thing you should tell a teenager who is growing up and trying to find their identity/worth/mind/self, is to make them believe that any r/ship MUST end up in marriage. thats such a wrong way to look at r/ship, its sickening. if you listen carefully to your children, you will realise that from their kindergarden years they have GFs/BFs, and although it starts as kids joke, thats what they feel at such a young age. you should certainly not tell that kid that what they feel is wrong, what you should tell them is that "when times come, you will find someone who will love you (and vice versa) with whom you will get married and have a family of your own.... but that there are priorities in life and before you can get married, you need to have an EDUCATION then A JOB, and possibly then you can get married". should that mean they cannot love until then, of course NOT, they just need to be educated RIGHT to know how to love as a teenager. teenagers should not be allowed to do adult stuff as they should know very early the consequences of such act, sex is for adults and if you raise your kids right they will know that, and refrain from it. they should also know that they may have urges, be socially pressured etc but at the end, they must wait for the right time do such act.

#4: is it not in schools that most of the dating starts?! you have to accept the time/world we live in, and ADAPT, if not you will simply fail with your kids. you have to let a child knows that she can go meet her friends, chat online etc when that child has finished his/her studies and her home duties. you need to be on top of your game and BE THERE physically around that child. you need to TALK to that child and RAISE that child, be physically there... it is definitely NOT an easy job but it has to be done in order to raise your kid RIGHTEOUSLY. so many people are allowing some stoopid housegirl/boy/school friends etc to raise their kids, then turn around and wonder why they have failed. so many people give every toy possible to their kids but fail to give them the most important tool, which is a conscience/mind/brain/acting right etc, that these teenagers can use properly when things such as sex etc will come into the picture.

sadly, a person who has traveled across the world with drugs in their stomach or belongings, will only see this banners when they ARRIVE in Indonesia/Malaysia and therefore it is unfortunately too late to back track. people dont normally carry drug from Indonesia/Malaysia out to the world, but from the world to Indonesia/Malaysia

@OP
thats the hypocrisy in men where they will now say that the lady is a witch, or whatever, anytime the lady aint got what HE (not God) doesnt like.
normally, any proper lady (character wise) should do the trick and be marriage material.

@OP
and how long have you been managing this situation?!

can someone explain what the below means?

Islie:
“Ahmed also forcefully had an unlawful carnal knowledge of the child without her consent,”

another one of these criminals in robe!

silly story....this lady kissed a stranger during a marathon, and then afterwards she was looking for that man online, only for his WIFE to reply to her.

ireneidiva:
Be careful with your 'ate' please.

sorry English is not my 1st language.

same thing, different wording

ugly disgusting, he look like an alien, not even human....reminds me of these other fools:

see all these people who are ready to die for love.....kai!
if people have any respect for LIFE, they will never do such a thing as to kill themselves for ANY love... whether family or children, you should never (must not) kill yourself for anybody, what a selfish thing to do. if i kill myself for my parents, who will care for my kids? if i kill myself for a child, who will care for the other children?! i will do anything that is remotely possible to save a parent/child but thats about it.

people who are thinking that life is a fairytale like Romeo & Juliet better wake up!

sometimes to talk so that you let steam/worries etc out is very good, and also needed. some people will be stubborn with their women but when their tight buddy let them see the light, they relax and accept their mistakes.

when people are in a r/ship they may view things differently than the people who are watching from outside that r/ship.

angiemartinez:
To be candid se x is not on my mind, so d touches, caresses n lickn annoys me, as soon as he is abt to start I will just remove his hand gently.

you are making less and less sense right now..... you say you want to get your groove back (assuming you have no desire for sex) but when hubby makes the right advances you reject him. if you reject him when he does everything right then the desire to have sex WITH HIM is not there, and therefore, you have no desire to get your groove back on WITH HIM. it all starts in your head, what does your mind tells you? what signals does your mind sends to your body when he gets closer? did he do something that turned you off? and for whom are you hoping to get your groove back on?

btw: are you desires still the same today as they were in the past?

angiemartinez:
No urge for sex anymore

well if you had no urge for sex and i did press the right "buttons" then you would get off anyway because your body would respond naturally to these touches/caresses/licking etc. so if when all these are done, you still dont get off then i suggest you look within yourself to see what you DESIRE in the bedroom (or anywhere else), what makes you wet just thinking of it, what turns your engine on. sometimes its all about being sexually honest with oneself. only you know the answers to these questions...... so when you find these answers, you should apply them to your sexual playground and, if you still dont get your engine started, then you have a serious problem on your hands.

cococandy:
That's some serious security breach

well i had my suspicions on someone that had access to my computer, and who made it clear that she didnt want me to post on NL any longer (due to the fact that i had posted a pic of one my daughters). she sometimes was next to me when i posted, and i am logged automatically, so it could have been her like it could have been through that mysterious spam that i received at that same period (i normally dont open them though).

this story makes no damn sense.... if they were going to meet the mother then why did they ate before getting there? and if they really did then why the BF ate again at mum's place? its either they both dont eat or they both do.

if BF told his mother prior to they arrivals that they were coming then OF COURSE mum is gonna cook and therefore they had no business going to eat befopre getting there. he should have forced his gf to eat, however little it may be.

way forward: beg mama for forgiveness by telling her that HE made the mistake by taking her to some eatery before going to meet her, and with time mama will understand.

each and everyone of us have close friend, best buddies etc with whom we discuss not only r/ship but EVERYTHING.... there is nothing wrong in the act as these close friends are not only friends but also our personal advisors/counsellors/psychologists etc

i wonder why people are surprised that there are more to face the penalty of their crimes...... it seems to be a national sport for nigerians to do crimes so therefore some of them should get their medals (death wherever it applies).

many of them are in China, abi you guys forgot that old documentary about these devils?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnYuOwyr2Rk

@OP
not everyone desire children, and not everyone are matured enough to raise children properly. although you believe that this is your dream, dont automatically assume that it is everyone's dream. i know quite a few married people that A) dont want children or B) are NOT fit to be parents.