₦airaland Forum

Honestly the kind of things some priests and pastors preach is really discouraging. Our Nigerian priest here in our Nigerian Church is no different
Sometimes his preaching makes you want to shudder.
Most annoying he preaches people`s life on the altar. We always know who he is refering to
He was trained by Father Ede and that got me wondering what kind of training they go through as priests or if they are so indoctrinated.

Don`t bother yourself too much about it.

A hot shower or warm towel and a little pressure and the excess milk drips out. If you let all the milk in there you could even get an infection.
But if I may ask, why are you weaning the child how old is the child. Why don`t you just continue breast feeding.
There is no need to wean a child so young. If your breasts are so full it means that it is too early.
I breastfed some of my kid`s well over two years.

He did date her before he left. 2 weeks before we married i found messages but he said she never done any wrong to him and was planning to let her fade herself out. I tried to be understanding as i did not want to hurt her either because i could understand loving someone and life going its own way. So i went forward with marriage with the understanding that he would drop communication and ties with her.
I only came across these pictures because i found an odd paper in his wallet that had a police report number on it. So i got on Facebook trying to see if he maybe had a Facebook page with another name. So i searched his sister's page went to her friend list and i seen the name esther. Now i was curious as to who she was because esther was the name if the girl and right on her page was these pictures.
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Re: Did My Husband Marry Another Woman? by findingtruth: 6:25am On Jan 10
Additionally i emailed the girl before we married asking she have no communication with my husband so she is completely aware he is married.


So my own analysis of the truth.
It is obvious that finding the truth knew that the man had a serious relationship. Indeed the man told her that the girl had never done him anything wrong. She went ahead to do so much investigation. Even went as far as writting all the sisters friends on facebook and wanting to know more.

Yet does no one find it odd that she never really spoke to his mum or sister?
Does no one find it odd that she never bothered to ask who that little girl in the picture was?
Any woman would be very disturbed about the child and want to know if it is his child.
When someone mentioned the child and reposted the opicture with the child on it she made no comment at all.

So the fact is that this woman is ommittting very important details to win sympathy.
She knew the man had this girl at home. She knew the girl had a child. She knew that the man promised to come and marry her, when he settled in the states.
All she wanted was that the man should get rid of her.

Some call me judgemental but are you being fair to the mans wife back home. This woman has a child with him and had a promise of marriage from the man she loved and had a child for. Now the man went home to fulfill that promise.
How many of you women here would want to have people posting such mails to all your friends in facebook just after you got married. She has probably been warned by the mans family not to react and has no choice but to bear the humilation.

For a woman to claim she is hurt and deverstated not to have feelings for her fellow woman is simply unfair.
So I ask some of you here. Is her happiness of more value than this young bride in Nigeria?.

If you meet a man who has a woman back home and tells you she did him nothing wrong, would you believe that it could just end like that more so when a child is involved.

That is why I honestly suggested that she should consider polygamy. There is the option of them sharing. After all she is the one that went to an occupied land to build.

The craziest thing I would ever do is talk about the crazierst sexual thing I have ever done

Not all women ask for it but there are other ways the show they want it!
So you need to watch out for it

Another thing most men do not understand most women cherish tenderness and cuddling even more than than intimacy.

Are you the kind of man that only makes contact when he wants to go all the way or do you also touch, flirt and tease her?
The kind of man that just drives the car straight into the garage and then falls asleep?
Women want you to drive the car round the block a couple of times and then drive into the garage.

if she does not see it as something special then it is because you have not made it special for her.
So you need to maker some changes.

It starts in the morning when you leave the house- darling I love you and can`t wait to be back.
Call her from work or send an SMS or whatever- missing you baby.
Come home with a smile and hug her. Go to her stroke her, touch her, laugh with her and then she will warm up to you.
That is what turns a woman on.

the wrong you did was taking her in in the first place. There was nothing wrong with her home and all they needed was some financial support.
Now you have corrected the wrong you did. Yes you did it to help and it might have gone very well but the child involved is not very appreciative. No matter what you do for her, that is her kind of person and to be very fair most kids are very unappreciative.
This option of her coming occasionally is very wise. Let her stay with her mother. A child belongs to the mother.
You only wanted to do good but every help is not a help.

As long as no one is about to crash Nairaland it can `t be so tragic

Sometimes we really have this kind of premonition.
Just keep being prayerful.
God will reveal everything to you. You know everything eventually does happen but God gives us the strength to carry our cross.

Had the same issue here. my husband was the first and was always shouldering. The once that get on their feet don`t want to help. Believe you me we were still shouldering and the younger ones were building their first and even second houses at home.
Please tell your husband to get the younger ones involved. You are not saying that he should stop but he should make it a joint thing, a family thing.
The family should learn to function as a system. It is wrong if he is the only one holding the family or taking all the responsibilities.
Well in our case it went on pretty long and I never said anything and then one early morning the phone rang..
A relation we had financed to go to America needed an OP shortly after. He needed money from my husband for the OP. As my husband dropped the phone I asked him what was wrong he told me..
"Darling the way you dropped that phone , just pick it up and start calling all the younger ones that are working now, i am not saying we will not send him the money but they have to do something too."
He was very skeptical but he did it. His younger ones contributed happily.
He was so happy about it. Now whenever there is a financial issue he only coordinates it and everyone contributes. Sometimes they even ask him not to contribute because he did so much in the past.
What I am trying to say.

He needs to get the junior ones to take up responsibilities.
It s not about him helping his family but about him teaching the others to do the same.

Go tell it on the mountains......

A quick U-turn to approach when the wished for results were not realised.

freecocoa:
I also added that if she's being paid to do the chores she does, she can't be said to be a ward, she's now a worker who gets paid for her job, which btw, is child labor.

In the first post he called her his househelp . SO THAT IS WHAT SHE IS FOR HIM!
Even if she were the quuen of Sheeba. She is being treated as a househelp in the home.

And OP spare us how nice you are to her and what you do for her. That is no justification for abuse.
Hell that kid could get killed with this witch accusation!

Your wife is a wicked woman!
Look Thank God this is online and not face to face, I would have scolded you badly.
11 years is a child for crying out loud
I have to wake some of my kid`s at that age maybe when they fall asleep in another room and they stand there totally baff with dazed eyes and have no idea where they are.
God this world is a wicked place. She gave that poor girl a fright in her half sleep and instead of consoling the child and sending her back to bed you and your wife now want to band her a witch.
Don`t you know that if you leave a room a small child might wake up!

Oh God this is so unfair! This is child abuse! This is evil! This is disgusting!

You just came on here to solicit support in branding her a witch!

May anyone who gives you such advise recieve the wrath of God! Evil human beings you disgust me!

It is made of rubber and rather soft. You have to imagine like filling up a pen with ink
It is filled with warm water, sometimes with a little soap in it and inserted into the behind. You press the water into the Child's behind and th child has to potty.
Used when children are constipated.
ENEMA.
There are some children that are actually scared of potty because when they are constipated it hurts, so they tighten up and it gets worse. Some kid`s even spend hours screaming.
This method offers immediate relief. However you can not buy this product in some countries.

cococandy:
Sounds like you're speaking from two sides of your mouth.

If you were OP you would kick him out.
Really?

But in your other posts(not just on this thread anyway) you're always advocating women swallowing sh1t in the name of making it work but you won't do the same?
You tell them it is ok to allow cheating and polygamy is cool because you're the perfect african woman but now you're confessing you can't take it?

In fact before she made her idea of a solution known, you had already started blaming her for wanting to deal with the situation even when you know you wouldn't sit down and take it if you were her.

Na wa for you madam mutter.

If I was the OP. The OP is not a nigerian woman and obviously was too naive and even if she was smart, comprehending the Nigerian way of life can take a life time if it does not flow in your blood.

So I do not see myself as contradicting myself. Every case depends on the particular circumstances. While polygamy is part of the nigerian way of life, there is also away to go about it, just as there is a way to go about everything in life.
For a polygamous marriage all parties have to know about it but in this case it does seem that the man does not want the OP to know about it and is till now making no efforts to tell her the truth.
The OP knows the truth and is making all eforts to cling in the false hope that she can eliminate "Adamma" in Edo.

When you go to your neighbors house to steal goods, you don`t complain about the quality of the fruits.
When you buy a tree at a very expensive price and plant it in your garden, you go wild if the fruits turn out rotten.

Gloriagee:
Did your inlaws seize her phone or Y can't u call her to ask? Dú honestly think putting up her pics on a public website will help ur cause This is so unpardonable in my books.

GOOD BOUGHT AND DELIVERED.

No i have to write this.
She looks really mean and the young man looks so gentle and kind.

Nutase:
How does good looking translate to luck in marriage . You better choose a husband based on the right criteria b4 you end up opening a "My fine looking Husband Beat me after I caught him cheating on me" thread tomorrow (op i'm not refering to u).

That is good theory!
Also a very important issue. Don`t think II would allow my son bring home an ugly woman and then have eyes everywhere. Certainly it is just one of many qualities. Genes pla a great role when you have kid`s and certainly the world is so full of prejudices. Even for a job it plays a role. Pity but true.
Now I am not saying the partner must be beautiful but the looks must be pleasant and have character. Someone may be beautiful but have a dumb or unsympathetic look. The outside is sometimes a mirror of the inside. That is why even a so called ugly person can be beautiful.

This lady is not ugly but there is just this expression she has that .. well let me not say more.

Onegai:
My husband and I don't believe in sharing each other, we're selfish. You clearly do, so please provide your number via pm or I will believe that you are a man masquerading under a female profile to rile up people. And I will encourage everyone to post on any thread you dare speak on with "Mutter is a 419 pretending to be female, beware".

So, that number, when do I receive it?

You are certainly mistaken about that. If I was the OP, I would have kicked him out immediatly and then wait for my baby to come, regain my strenght and then take a final decision.
At the end of the day I would not go out of my way to harm him but if that is the step needed to make sure i reduce damages I would not hesitate. For instance I would go on with the divorce even if he looses the his residence status.

The main issue here is that this woman wants the man to herself at all costs so i am just adding one more to her bizarre options.

As for the number- if your friend is good looking and decent I might consider MIL option but not wife.

The OP is a let down to women!

Onegai:
dear Mutter, you sound like SUCH a matured married woman, you post here a lot (I'm assuming your hubby is well-to-do) and you have no problems with Polygamy. Therefore, i have a proposition:

I've got a friend, in her 30s, working class and pretty. It would be nice to see her settled down and since your hubby is financially capable and you are a reasonable lady, perhaps we can all come to an understanding. Your hubby will feel even more Love from 2 women and you and your co-wife can always catch a bite together, chatting about kids, your shared man and household duties.

This could be great! Btw, I'm not kidding, I'll be expecting your pm, pass your number, so you and your hubby can meet the girl and decide if she's the "2nd one" for your husband

No it`s you I want as a mate so either with my husband or yours. You decide

Such a young good looking man. This woman is lucky, she better come out of hiding.

DieeDiee:
Read carefully my dear. She doesn't want him she's just worried about her son growing up without a father and she only wants to stay married for REVENGE.

and to make sure that all his money belongs to her and that he never goes home again. I READ!

carefreewannabe:
How is it reasonable or decent?

Why do you think she CAN do it when she grew up in a country and culture where bigamy is a punishable offense and where people frown upon it?

In that country mormons practise polygamy, same sex marriages exist. two men live in partnership with one woman.
Why would the western world accept same sex marriage and frown on polygamy?

carefreewannabe:
No disappointment at all. I am not here to defend her. She married a man whose family and culture she doesn't know. I wouldn't do it. In the age of Internet, I don't understand how a woman can so EASILY become a victim of fraud marriage.
HOWEVER, what the man did is criminal and wicked and there is absolutely no excuse for this even though I understand that poverty can make people do different things.
Whatever mistakes she made, there is absolutely NOTHING that excuses his behavior. And it is not her business to be considerate of his wife back home, like you said.

Accepting her co wife is certainly more reasonable and decent than all the plans she has come up with till now.

diesel86:
Pls leave God out of this, if i were to have my way there would be a law forbidding people not to have more than two children, any more than that would attract heavy tax.... 7 kids haba.

Abeg come tax me now!
You want to use my tax to take care of the two others have

carefreewannabe:
It's up to you now.

Please make use of contraceptives in the future.

Oh dear carefreewannabe do I detect some disapointment

Talk of outsiders crying more than the bereaved
You heard her she want`s the man at all cost.

OP I can give you a simple solution. Get yourself aquainted with polygamy it also exists in the states and the women there that have those marriages are quite happy with it.
To keep the man attached to you, bring those things he treasures into the home i.e you co wife and her daughter. You can all then live together and have all the mans earnings and property. THen you will have no fear of him going anywhere. Your co wife can also work and bring in an income.
Why don`t you take up contact with your co wife you might get to like her and see things differently.

Findingthetruth. Thank you for telling us the truth.

All supports my theory that you wanted to buy a man. Your own personal Nig-- But it did not work out for you - your Nigg grew wings. You do have enough Africanamericans there but they are already free and you can have no hold over them.

Yes Master/Mistress this Nig-- is going to work for you for the rest of his life like a house slave without any pay. Will never return home to his loved ones.
Please let us know when you need another stallion in your barn, I am sure we have enough applicants here.

Anyway the only one I pity in all this is that lovely, pretty, black, proud and beautiful bride in the wedding pictures.

BTW how old is the picture you posted

Am I dreaming.?
I can`t make head and tail out of this.

în most cases when men and women have intimate chats like this they are not dating but just friends.
I think it was all just joke and one can be friends with an ex.
Even the way the conversation went it is clear it is just jokes and nothing else.

The test for a woman are more complicated and more expensive. A man just has to do one test. It is the procedure that both get themselves tested. He can test himself just to exclude that so that they can focus on you. You need to tell the doctor that this is your fear. He will send for your husband and explain it to him the right way.
The doctors have seen many of such cases and know how to handle the men.

One step away from Asylum. If he cannot face the heat in Nigeria and his life is threatened in Nigeria he can seek asylum.

Don`t worry you will get there with time but only if you are open to it. I mean your husband showing you what he wants. Alone giving your partner joy is a satisfaction on it`s own and when you have an open mind you gain more. I mean not everyone is cut out for everything but are you planning to remain on this amateur level till pension