₦airaland Forum

Because you need to pass on the name from one generation to another or do you want your lineage to die off.
It is your duty to pass the name on afterall you got it from someone and did not pick it off the street.

You actually should be locked away because you could pose a treat to society.
Do you know that you need help hope you don`t end up a serial killer.
I think it is a great step to voice your inner feelings but you should seek help if you ever notice that you are going to sart doing something to harm anyone.

That comes with growing older and assuming responsibilities, it gets overwhelming. The good news is that as you get even older all those things don`t affect you so much again. You learn to accept life and accept your own limitations to change things.
You can only do your best and try and be a decent person.
Learn to accept the things you can`t change it helps a long way in life. So much vanity on his world so many fights over pointless things. You just need to make sure it all does not weigh you down.

Thank God. So many things seem to happen at christmas time

Poster so sorry about it.


What you have to do now is get yourself involved in the marriage plans and attend the wedding.
Then make sure you correct that bad behaviour you have been exhibiting for so long.
If you are lucky the woman would change when she gets in and your husband will see the good in you. She might not stay.
But if you do not behave yourself he will replace her with someone else.
But you knew your husband is very traditional and conservative so why did you not sit up and adjust, why did you disobey him in such a manner as to get him so pissed.

First of all a 27 year old girl ought to have at least a first degree. What the father could not do the man must now do by force!

Secondly when a man comes home at the age of 37 to marry a woman, a man almost clocking 40 you must be very sure that priority on the program is her giving birth to children for him and taking care of the young kids initially.

After 3 years of friendship die lady should have known how the man ticks. All he told her parents was like a marital campaign. To appease the parents.
Either the woman stays or she goes.
Please don`t blame a man if you depend on him to do something you did not achieve in your fathers house at that age.
If she was serious in her circumstances she could have gone for nursing or something else practical, so she could earn while learning the trade. I know many graduates who even go to nursing or something similar, are those ones mumu.

Stella is every bit a woman. Fierce and hard working but a real woman, feminine to the core. Any man could fall for her she is worth it.
Absolutely right. Nobody was born with the name of another person on his head.
You have to work on a relationship
and if it does not work...
Love is not by force.

Already programming her marriage for failure before entering.
What a fool.

thee are other ways of communicating SMS, facebook etc. Just leave a message and she can reply when she wishes too.
Don`t make her an issue, such things often become issues when we attach unusual importance and attention to her.
She has to face her husbands home while you face yours.

Thank you for sharing. The picture is so heart warming and so appropriate in this season. It is a blessing to have grandchildren so big and it is so inspiring to see the grand child express his love and respect for his grandmom.
What makes this picture so special is that it is not staged.

Shirley07:
Most dumb female this forum has ever produced. Desperado.

.... :with the mission to save young naive girls from lying tounges that wish to leed them astray .

It depends on what you define as a religious person.
A religious person is not a fanatic and not a hypocrite.
He believes in God and tries to keep the commandments. He loves his fellow man and he does not Judge.

A truly religious person is a very happy person because God is his/ her strength.
It is not people that shout out loud condeming other religions and people that are the true religious ones.


Perhaps we should talk about God loving rather than religion.

I don`t think it is proper to advice the poster not to wash the cloths if the man expects it.
We don`t know what the man does for her. Some people give much and expect much.
Now she is young and can do the house chores , why not. BY the time they get married and she gets pregnant it would certainly stop.
It is only for a period of time.
The household chores are the duty of the woman. It is that way everywhere in the world.
Certainly ewhen she is doingthe chores th man would come and sit with her and help her once in a while..
Please let`s give realistic advice.

Ogoanita:
u said marriage @ least, but this jst friendship na, moreover does it now mean that if i dont do hes laundary i dont love him enough?

In a serious committed relationship you described at the beginning to just friendship...
You are not ready yet for the commitment involved in a marriage.
Read @ Lafflaff123 post- It is very on point!

The man has a moral right to know that you are pregnant and you should give him a chance to see how he reacts.
There should be no problem wiht you keeping this child and raising it wiht your other kid`s.
You are not in such a desperate situation to consifer adoption.
Just take time and do not make a hasty decision.
What happened is not so tragic. It can have a happy ending.

In a serious committed relationship you should have taken his laundry and done it even without him having to ask you to do it.
What do you think marriage is all about?
- free maid and slave for husband and children.
-24 hours job, no leave no pay.

You don`t enter into a marriage and then suddenly start washing the cloths because of the ring.
If you love him you can do it with the joy of doing something for him.

KanwuliaJara:
Judgmental about what?
Is being a single mom ALWAYS a sign of poor decision-making?

I AGREE
.. and even if it was poor decision making does she not have a right to find love?

freecocoa:
It should be very obvious to you by now that's there's something seriously wrong with your opinions, I mean, how else do you explain almost everyone having a problem with them?

perhaps because theyare looking at it from the perspective of the children and I am looking at it from the perspective of a mother.
Besides are we really saying anything so much different?

I never condemned him, however I did not want to condemn the parents without more information because that might only make him more bitter towards them and that would worsen matters.
I also do not think that the parents are handling it the right way because parents are meant to stand by their children in times when they are down.
My motto is " as long as I do not give up on my children God never will"
Yet you and the poster must also realize that the parents are acting that way because they themselves where treated that way by their parents. They never learnt it any better. When in Nigeria you are not under any kind of scrutiny and so many parents don't really ponder much about their methods of training their kids.


The difference between us is that I would not like to condemn the parents action outright without more information.

One of the reasons women stay in abusive relationships is shown by many responses we see here.
You deserve it
You are enjoying it.

The truth is that most women in an abusive relationship are too scared to be rude to the men.
In most cases the man isolates them from their family and friends and makes them feel they are not worth anything and that they have no other option. They even use threats and the women get scared to leave them.
The right environment has to be set for the abuse to succeed.
Most husbands that are abusive are not normal the derive some kind of satisfaction from the abuse.

Thank God you had the courage to put an end to it. That is not the right environment for a woman or a child.

freecocoa:
Nna eh, na wa o, seriously can't you just type like someone with a normal brain? Is it everyone who is in a bad situation that didn't listen to advice? So you put pressure on someone by treating them badly? You never disappoint sha.

Let the poster throw light on his brothers situation.
In a forum there are different opinions respect that
Insults are used when reason fails.

neoapocalypse:
You've totally gotten it wrong , and I repeat you make less and less sense each passing day , as evident with this post. Sorry to say but your parenting leaves a lot to be desired. Yes a person's progress will be influenced by his decisions and parental advice can greatly affect a person's progress but a lot of times parental advice might be a deterrent to a person's progress. A parents duty is a raise a child with the knowledge of knowing good from wrong and living an upright and moral life ( asides catering for his upkeep to adulthood ) , parents get it wrong a lot of times with trying to enforce a decision on a child. The posters parents have gotten this all wrong from the start and there is no excuse for their actions even if their child didn't take their advice ( in the end it is his choice to make ).
To put the records straight my life is not shitty as you insinuated and I believe it can't be better than it is but I also know I could have gotten to where I am a lot quicker than I did. Do I feel resentment over it - yes , has it affected my relationship with my parents and siblings - yes , am I sad it happened like this - no. While I know my progress has been impeded by parents I do not hold any grudge against them , some children might not be so forgiving. Train your children properly and do not elevate any child over another cos of financial , social or educational accomplishment

neoapocalypse:
You've totally gotten it wrong , and I repeat you make less and less sense each passing day , as evident with this post. Sorry to say but your parenting leaves a lot to be desired. Yes a person's progress will be influenced by his decisions and parental advice can greatly affect a person's progress but a lot of times parental advice might be a deterrent to a person's progress. A parents duty is a raise a child with the knowledge of knowing good from wrong and living an upright and moral life ( asides catering for his upkeep to adulthood ) , parents get it wrong a lot of times with trying to enforce a decision on a child. The posters parents have gotten this all wrong from the start and there is no excuse for their actions even if their child didn't take their advice ( in the end it is his choice to make ).
To put the records straight my life is not shitty as you insinuated and I believe it can't be better than it is but I also know I could have gotten to where I am a lot quicker than I did. Do I feel resentment over it - yes , has it affected my relationship with my parents and siblings - yes , am I sad it happened like this - no. While I know my progress has been impeded by parents I do not hold any grudge against them , some children might not be so forgiving. Train your children properly and do not elevate any child over another cos of financial , social or educational accomplishment

neoapocalypse:
You've totally gotten it wrong , and I repeat you make less and less sense each passing day , as evident with this post. Sorry to say but your parenting leaves a lot to be desired. Yes a person's progress will be influenced by his decisions and parental advice can greatly affect a person's progress but a lot of times parental advice might be a deterrent to a person's progress. A parents duty is a raise a child with the knowledge of knowing good from wrong and living an upright and moral life ( asides catering for his upkeep to adulthood ) , parents get it wrong a lot of times with trying to enforce a decision on a child. The posters parents have gotten this all wrong from the start and there is no excuse for their actions even if their child didn't take their advice ( in the end it is his choice to make ).
To put the records straight my life is not shitty as you insinuated and I believe it can't be better than it is but I also know I could have gotten to where I am a lot quicker than I did. Do I feel resentment over it - yes , has it affected my relationship with my parents and siblings - yes , am I sad it happened like this - no. While I know my progress has been impeded by parents I do not hold any grudge against them , some children might not be so forgiving. Train your children properly and do not elevate any child over another cos of financial , social or educational accomplishment

It is obvious you have a problem. The poster is not you!
How do you know what his problem is. How do you know if his parents tried to force him into a decision or were just raising him.

You are obviously being hunted by your experiences so I have no more to comment on this except to advice you to seek help.

neoapocalypse:
Each passing day you make less and less sense , putting pressure on someone by degrading him will hardly make him do better , he'll tend to go bitter and might do what he ought not to do. Even if he ends up being successful , the resentment he'll feel towards his parents , and I might add his siblings , will definitely put cracks in the family ( I should know cos I'm experiencing it now ). More so the advice which you mention he might not have taken doesn't mean things would have turned out better for him ( I also share this same experience ).

I only asked a question. It might be that he did not take his school serious, or was skipping classes, in a cult and that lead to his situation.
So you are trying to say that someones progress is not determined by the effort he makes, is not influenced by parental advice?

I think you are just being ridiculous by trying to insult me here.
It is not my fault your life did not work out and that you have stress with your parents. But you don`t have to assume that your problem is similar to his.
Since I have kids that are already in adult age I know too well how difficult it can get with kids.
Besides my question was aimed at getting him to release more information so that he can get advice or opinion from others.

I never condemned him, however I did not want to condemn the parents without more information because that might only make him more bitter towards them and that would worsen matters.
I also do not think that the parents are handling it the right way because parents are meant to stand by their children in times when they are down.
My motto is " as long as I do not give up on my children God never will"
Yet you and the poster must also realize that the parents are acting that way because they themselves where treated that way by their parents. They never learnt it any better. When in Nigeria you are not under any kind of scrutiny and so many parents don't really ponder much about their methods of training their kids.

Depends on certain factors-
-where you live
- are children involved
- the property and valuables in the marriage.
The more property in dispute the higher the fees.

I used to have strong menstrual pains but they stopped after my frist child. I honestly did not know that women still have pains after their firs child.
I must say that I have been blessed in this aspect, alwayss very light always less than 5 days, when I younger just 3 days. Almost always reglar. I just can`t wait to get to menopause though. I am tired of it all.

Happy anniversary and a good whatever all night. I wish you more nights like that.

my own black man LOL. He exists!

babyosisi:
I have engaged you here before,you are a Muslim woman who feels your religion is being bashed here and you are speaking to defend it
Give your own advise and allow me give mine she asked for it
The woman is not comfortable with a decision she made at 21 out of desperation and wants a way out
She started the thread on that topic ,remember?
She is also a Christian,remember?
Now step!

Gosh this forum is not Real life okay.
You have absolutely no idea of my religion. Besides you are just condemning the man because he is a moslem. While true christianity means extending to everyone the same love and regard. I think that is what Jesus tried to tell us in the parable of the good samaritan.

Thank you for posting this here. You have jolted me as a mother up right again. We tend to ignore silent kids and concentrate on the louder ones. Not knowingthat there could be a storm raging behind the silence.

Is it possible that your senior brother never took advice and therefore is responsible for his situation?
It could be that your parents want to put pressure on him to do better.

Yes it is bad that he get`s treated that way but honor to he who deserves honor.
It is not normal for parents to serve their children food on a tray. Your parents are doing it to honor you.

A nobel man-Respect!

babyosisi:
Imagine what it will be like when the 3rd and 4th wife arrive
Do you think the first wife was eagerly expecting you on her own wedding day?
That you haven't yet had a baby is a blessing,get out now rather than as a single mother
You are just 23
You won't stay 23 a long time
This is your prime,don't blow it

Please this woman has done nothing wrong. She married a man legally and in accordance with the traditions of our land. Polygamy is part of our culture and it is a good part of our culture too.

As an older wife it is better to have your husband remain wiht you even when he wants another woman. In other cultures the men simply abandon the woman and their kid`s. Through polygamy the african woman has a guarantee that she has a place in the man`s house even when she gets older.

The only way she can do wrong is if she treats the senior wife wrongly.

KanwuliaJara:
YES! BLACK MEN ALL OVER THE WORLD!
For the WORSE! They become IJJJIOTS!
Like anyone forced them into marriage!
Good news. . . IT CAN'T BE AVOIDED. . . .you have to show dem PEPPER. . .PLUS ONIONS!
Trust me ke. . . SOOOOOOOOOOOOO EQUAL TO THE TASK!
First to quench is the name of the game!
NO DIE-VORCE NECESSARY!
*writing from experience o*

..experience and bitterness. I just don`t understand how a black woman can express herself with so much disrespect for black men

We have loads of black families that function super where all get educated and married.
Where do you live in mars.

It just seems that you grew up in a ghetto where you only met black ghetto families. There`s a lot of white trash walking around too.
And poor black families still end up bringing their kid`s to something more often than poor white families.
Oh boy something must have hurt you really bad to make you so bitter.
Either you are a racist or a self hater!
Please go and get yourself some help, you need it.