₦airaland Forum

If he is contemplating marrying her after just three months it can not be just for the money. He has seen something in her.

Besides we cannot assume that she is a Jezebel, she might be a better person than the first girl he loves. She might love him more, she might be better brought up.

When you have been with someone for long she also become a habit.
Assuming he went with the new girl and married her and shares life with her he would grow to feel for her too.

Fact is that we hardly end up marrying our "childhood love".
Most people end up with someone different.

Your friend should know what is important to him..
Yes it is great to be with someone you love but how does it feel when you cannot afford things for your kids. When your parents get ill and you can`t afford their treatment. When you start praying for long life for your parents because you can`t afford a funeral.
Life is complex.
Even today all over the world the high and mighty have other criteria for marrying than just love. The partner is picked strategically.

When two people treat each other with respect and consideration, love flows in through wide open doors.

Only God can help you!
I just feel your pain and it is so sad because when parents maltreat their children these children have nowhere to turn to. The Government and churches ought to have such facilities.
We grow up at the complete mercy of our parents and woe betide you if they are abussive.
I know a woman that was in a very abusive relationship too and she tried often to run back home but her mum was invalid and the dad remarried. It was hell for he because the step mum did everything possible to frustrate her and the dad would ask her to go back to her husband and learn to be humble.
The last time she ran home the father pounced on her and beat her after she had just showered, he threw her out of the house naked. He did not stop at that, he pinned her on the ground and raise a machete on her. Thank God people intervened on time.
That was the last time she ever fled home from her husband.
The madness of it was that she was stupid enough to tell her husband what happened, perhaps she felt it would make him pity her and not treat her so badly. It only made matters worse because he knew she could not run home again and he would flaunt it at her that she was only staying because she had no one to go to because her family had rejected her.

Sometimes it would be good if we could look into the future and see what awaits us.

There is no guarantee that his marriage with Toyin would end up being a happy one.
There is no saying with which woman he would end up being financially better off, because things change.

However it is better to be unhappy with someone you love than to be unhappy with someone you don`t love.
He ought to follow his heart.

If however material things mean more to him then let him betray his heart and go for the girl with more money because the "probability" is that the money would be there in the future.
In a country like Nigeria where you can only get respect if you have money we need to understand why love is no longer a priority.
Love is not a fertilizer to make one grow out of poverty.

joecooper:
..... FEARLESS HEART (Season 2) Showing only on Telemundo Jan 1, 2015
Feel the passion and crap

Sometimes reality is more bizarre than fiction.
Most women do not speak up because they are ashamed and because it is hard to comprehend how they put up with it.
I do wish that most women would have the courage to speak out.

Anyway after that day the woman had to serve him his food on her knees and kneel down and attend to him till he finished eating, during which time he would give his sermon after the meal she had to thank him.

He controlled her movement and banned her friends. Sometimes when she went to work or shopping he would trail her. He sometimes sporadically would insist on controlling her undies and her to see if she had been with another man.
He was also very abusive verbally and physically.

Also know this woman who married a normal well doing man and everything was okay apart from the man wanting the woman to wear high heels in bed. After some years in the marriage the man refused to sleep with her because he wanted A-- S--. The woman was not willing so they spent years like that. What I don`t know is how they have resolved it now.

As long as the first wife has accepted you and her consent was sought there is no critic on being a second wife. Your husband has fufilled the consdition as provided by his faith.
Secondly she has improved her marriage through you, so she is even in a better position.

LewsTherin:
Nobody changes after marriage because they are married. They only ditch the camouflage. Where they weren't faking, they just fine tune who they really are.

.. and some have very good camouflage.

.. I know this lady that got married to a very "humble" man shortly after the marriage he was posted to the North and would always come home with several officers during the lunch break to eat pounded yam. One day the wife told him she could not cope with pounding such quantity every day, he said nothing. In the evening he took the wife for a drive into the desert. He stopped and wanted to go for a walk . a short distance from the road he pulled his gun and told the woman it he could kill her and leave the corpse there.
.. it was a privilege to have a husband when many where looking for one. A privilage to have a husband to cook for. She had to thank him for eating her food. Asked her to get on her knees and beg...He then proceded to "read" out the new laws that would apply in the home...

No body is perfect, the issue is can you live wiht it.
What gets him angry, how do you react when he is angry?

Sherina your story is sad. You were not stupid just young and left on your own so you did what you could to get along. Many girls would turn to "prostitution" to get along but you stood to one man.
You also made it clear it was not just the financial but also the moral support and the care and attention you hungered for.
Now you are in a polygamous marriage and you feel bad.
If the man is good to you and you have no problems with the wife you have to re think. There is no need being ashamed about it, that is the mistake some women make. Outside there no one is laughing.
You need to think from all sides. He does not keep his cloths in your house but doing that would mean taking them away from the first wife. You need to show her kindness and be fair to her just as she has been fair to you.
The fact that you are not a moslem does not mean you cannot change your mode of dressing. At least when his visitors are around or you go to certain functions with him. I would also encourage you to learn all you can about Islam, even the prayers, that would make it easier for you and when you have kids you can support them with their religion.

You have betrayed your mission as a man and the head of the home.
Respect has to be commanded even in love two people are pulling on opposite sides of the rope. If you pull too hard you floor your partner but if you allow yourself to be pulled you crash on the floor! You just crashed.

You better take a drastic measure because in a few years your children will start abusing you and even beat you up when you have an issue with their mother. I have seen a few families like that it is absolutely disgusting. Kids beating up their dad and then going on to have screwed up marriages themselves.

You would be enabling your kids to disrespect and beat you up. Yes you may be able to choke it but the children will incur the wrath of God on themselves.

In a marriage you have to think about what happens in the future.
So take a consequent action- if you have forgiven her now make sure you let her know that it can never happen again.

Congratulations. Invite God into your home. A family that prays together stays together.

OT .Old women get uneasy when dry bones are mentioned.

LatestVideos:
Wait o,
Consider yourself to be in her shoes - will u visualize dollars when you luk at him

No but then I still have the option of running away and not going ahead with the marriage.
It is hard I must not lie!

Pampers:
I think day nannies are better. I once used a day nanny. Shes never came to my house. She meets me at the office n closes at d close of work. She either stays in the lounge or with me in my office or sits somewhere in the corridor with my baby. Whenever I had to go out, we go together. I did that till my baby was old enough to start school. So my baby was always around me.

Great Idea but not everyone can do that at their working place. In Nigeria I had a daycare opposite my work, I even sent for my baby to breast feed but not everyone has that luxury. I prefer my kids in a day care. That way I can walk in at irregular toimes and control. However the baby has to be a certain age.

I was abused by a female nanny as a child on several occassions so I know too well what can happen. My parents felt I was safe with her but it was a nightmare because I was even too scared to tell my parents, I thought they would beat the hell out of me. Because it was such a terrible thing that she did, I could not understand that I was not to blame.

Abeg when she looks at him she should visualize dollars! I couldn`t understand the language so I don`t know but she did not seem so disturbed just a bit embarrassed. I might be wrong.

Yes Ihave heard about this project. It is a pity that he could not realise his dreams in Nigeria. We lost it to Benin. Later they wanted him back but too late..

There is no problem being under a man, my man!
I even love it - wear the crown and carry the load- why would I want to struggle authority in a kingdom where there is just one other person to bow down for me and to wear that crown carry the whole responsibility of running that kingdom.
Yes! men do have a price to pay for their one woman kingdom.


What I have problem with is men who think that because they are men they can`t work under a woman or take instruction from her. Even when they have no choice you can smell the rebellion inside of them.
However a mature and understanding woman let`s them keep their over bloated ego- the same way you give a baby a pacifier.

Now Coogar be good

So deformed people do not have a right to be married.
Years back a young girl fell in love with a cripple but her family forced her to marry someone else. She kept running away from the husband who then reported the case to the emir. The Emir requested to see the man for whom the girl was leaving her marriage. The young man crawled in on the floor. The emir promptly announced that this cripple was given the wife from God. The old marriage was desolved and the cripple married his love. They have beautiful kids now

LewsTherin:
A mother looses nothing when her son gets married. After all, he most likely has not been living with her years before that time. A mother gains a new daughter when her son gets married. After all when he comes visiting (like he hardly did while a bachelor) he comes with the wife and soon the grand kids. It is that thinking that makes a mother hold tight to a son, causing friction in the son's family thus causing sorrow for the son ultimately causing sorrow for herself.
If she looks at the daughter as an addition, showing love that gets reciprocated (hopefully anyways), she increases her own joy.

That would be any womans dream but is that the dream of the wife?

If this explains better

coogar:
it begs the question - why are mothers very jealous?

When your children get to that age you would understand.

A child you bore and raised, cried and laughed with, prayed for and hoped for. A child you accompainied every step of the way. Hoping that as the child gets older and you get weaker the bond will still remain and then a woman comes and wants to sever that bond not realising she too would one day be a mother -in-law.
Mutters suffer to raise their children that should not be forgotten. She losses something as you go to join with your wife, something more precious than a partner..

Please the first and most important advice-
DO not talk much about your wife to your mother.
"I could have taken you there but I have to take my wife here...."
That is where the problem starts.
Mothers are very jealous, they don`t want to relinquish the number one position just like that.
So you need to make extra effort to be nicer to your mother now that you are married, then she will see that your marriage favors her.

Secondly tell your wife to pet her. If I hand you over my car I expect to be treated well, how much more my son.
No matter what happens, she should never be rude to her mother in law. Does not mean she looses her voice.

We shall be with Brian and the family in prayers while the Lord takes control. Put your faith in God the surgeon will be a tool in the hands of God to cure your little boy.

Lovely song, powerful message, powerful voice. Great talent

Anyway giving it a second thought I don`t blame you. If you lived in Nigeria without your husband you are not really used to a marriage and so you will find it difficult to adjust.
Perhaps the husband just came for a few weeks, sprayed his money and was on his best behavior, now you came to UK things have changed and no one is putting on a show.
When we do things that are wrong we don`t want to be condemned yet you have to be told... Adultery is a sin and no pastor on earth can make it not to be a sin.
Now your pastor is even implying you try again till you get lucky.
By the way you realized in the UK that you could get financial support. In other words you did not need the man again therefore no need making the marriage work.
This welfare system has ruined many nigerian marriages, I swear! Women now prefer welfare alms to a husband.
And another question please, when he was working full time was he not paying the rent and other bills. It is very possible that he had nothing left to squander. What was your own money for?
So now we see how some men get so frustrated that the do drastic things.

chaircover:
Very interesting
. . .women bosses are bad; becasue they wont let them get away with not doing ther jobs properly
And since we are generalizing; however male bosses who demand sex from them before they can even get the job in the first instance and then chase them round the office for sex and oogling at their breasstss when talking to them are good.

Guess we will never understand how some people think.
If women ruled the world there would be no war. The world would be a better place.

Yes people differ but as a woman I know just how much you can depend on a fellow woman especially when in need of moral support. I have such close women friends and we stand together , advice each other and are there for each other. Women can have a deep sympathy for one another and understand one another better.

We are in the year 2014!!

A small part to the church for thanks giving and a portion to your family.
You have to keep the bulk for yourself.
When one has a job one has expenses too. Transport, clothing etc.
You better not start something you cannot finish. If you give today and not tomorrow, you might get problems.
There are even pastors that try to bully one to cough out money.
Family are not much better. The always have something they need or a project.
So start being moderate from the start.

Since her husband is out of a job she has put on his pants.

Even if a man wants to be mean to his people a wise wife will plead with him because she knows that the mans family will always blame her for what goes wrong.
Even if the husband did not want to come home- the wife should have gone home earlier to prepare food for her father in law.
Turning of the TV especially when they are watching a match is very very rude.

She has no respect for the man at all. She also does not have respect for others. That would be my last day in that house as a visitor.

This is the problem with a country that lays no emphasis od the rights of children. This is an abuse it is degrading and humilating.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nopWOC4SRm4


In a lighter mood!