₦airaland Forum

I had a son that liked everything that girls liked. Dolls, long hair dresses etc. He never played with the boys as a little kid. Even my husband was very upset about it.
I gradually steered him away from those things.
First he got barbies and then I suggested to him he could get the ken (the male barbie). He pleaded to wear a princess dress and I let him, on the condition he would take it off again, which he did. He asked for it on another day but after that never again. It was important for me to let him do those things so that he does not have a secret longing for them when he gets older. However I carefully steered him away from them.
Now he is older he still loves playing with girls but he finds them very attractive.
He understands girls better but he definitely loves being a boy. as a kid he loved pink but then it changed to red and now black.
Basically what I`m trying to say is that some kids are born that way, as a kid I loved playing with boys football and the rest but it is the duty of the parents to orientate and educate the children in the right direction

These parents are pushing their kid into this, probably want to have a sensation in their home. Really sad.

First of all tell that silly man to stop fighting his wife!

That is not the way to improve issues. For a woman even your wife to want "sex" you have to be offering more than that. She wants tenderness, love,affection and so many other things.
He needs to turn her on, make her desire him.
If he can not do that then he is a failure.

Then he has already made a pass at her or is intending to ...

Was just thinking the same thing!

That is the problem our men have out there. Because of the residence issues and the loneliness and challenges in the new environment other factors become more relevant when marrying.
After the marriage, you get settled in the enviroment and then those factors are solved so you now focus on the issues that really matter in a marriage.
Don`t want to really blame the men or women that do this because circumstances sometimes force you to take decisions.
However the problem you have is that this woman has a totally different concept of marriage than you do. She most likely is uneducated because most educated women don`t think this way.
You need to realize that you are currently a party to a marriage contract.
You are not MARRIED in the real sense of the word.
This marriage probably took place in marriage registry.

For me a real marriage is one you have before God ( christian or islamic ) or a traditional marriage in line with your culture and tradition.

Well OP be careful the years are moving on. One day you might find yourself alone with no wife and no kid`s- and then at sixty trying to set up a new family. Then you come home marry a young girl that ends up giving you hell because you are an oldie.

Take the right decision at the right time.

You don`t need to attend every birthday, it suffices that you send your best regards or a present or cake.

Children are a gift from , they come at God`s time. Only fools do not know how to respect that, don`T mind those people they are small minded and delight in other people`s pain.

Anyway God it is only you that can solve this problem. Put a smile on her face and let her give testimony of your goodness.
Don`t worry OP, very soon you would want to go to every function to show off your bundle of joy.
God will surely answer your prayers.

This is sad!

The poor kid`s they are always the victims.

... but you have said it all.
Hard to add anything to these very deep words.

You see all these lies.
How can someone not know till after the birth of the first child that the man is mad?
How can you leave the youngest child with a " mad! man.
Why the strange question about being married to someone else?

I hope this is not a case of a woman who used Juju or charms on her husband

After all the man said he will only be well if he kills her. So maybe in his state of madness he knows where the sickness is coming from.

Saw a similar case before, the man kept telling people that it was his wife who poisoned him, made him run mad, that was till he became so mad that he could not talk again. In this case too the woman kept him in her house and had another kid for him. Used to hit the man and get him to do so many things for her. The kids called their father by his first name and were hitting him too.

Well Children still need the advice of their parents.

I felt the same way about my kid`s.
all I owe them is till they finish school but when the time came, you find yourself taking a different direction.
My second daughter got the best A level result in her school and then she applied for something in the direction of bio chemistry in Eastern Germany.
She also applied for Pharmacy, which is a different procedure, in an Elite University.
She got both Uni`s and actually wanted to go to the east of Germany.
I had to sit her down and advice her that to leave a professional course in an Elite Uni to go for that course in East Germany was madness. Anyone else would jump at that opportunity. I pleaded with her to re-think it!

She took my advice and never regretted it. Is doing very well.

MY second son I supported all the years with his music. Even paid for extra classes but when the time came, he wanted to study music I had to intervene again.
-Please my son show me one musician that studied music!" Please study something else and continue with your music on the side.
He felt bad about it but I pray I gave him the right advice.

Tiredwify:
I understand your story. I share too. In my house, we don't eat alone. My husband and I eat together. We share meat, fish, etc. Just like we practice, we share 3 pieces of meat...not that we cannot take four, but that has been the practice even while we were courting. Now, understand my drift, there are times that he eats two pieces of meat out of the three...I understand there and then that it is probably he likes the soup or he likes the type of "protein" I cooked; and there are times that I eat two out of three or even times when I eat like two while cooking and I give him one. He doesn't crucify me for it. That is how life should be. There are times that the partner might want to take it all, allow him/her, don't whine or crucify him or her. Haba! We've got one life to live jare.

The last tin of cashew nuts my husband opened, before he could get his drink the nuts were gone! sometimes I keep things in the house that are "just for me" and those are the things that everyone suddenly wants to eat!

However I think her case is differnet from yours. She has been pigging in! She could have given him a small share of the bread and then cooked him something else.
She admitted herself that her eating was excessive and it can be very irritating when someone pigs in.

Tiredwify:
Immediately I read this post, I knew it was Mutter that posted it. Haba! I have read some of your previous posts on other threads and it seems as if you are "Ruth"...if you know what I mean. For the fact that you are a "Ruth" does not mean that every other woman must be a "Ruth". Haba! We sha have our lives before we got married. Why would all my thoughts and decisions be based on my husband's satisfaction, even at my detriment. I beg, forget o! Husbands are not gods. They are humans like us. We treat them with respect, yes! But not with "fear and trembling". Please if that is your way of life, kindly stick to it; but stop castigating other women for not reasoning like you.

Please what has that got to do with it and as different a we are we all have some things in common.

- going down memory lane.
I remember as a kid if you did not want to share something with someone we would do like we are spitting on it and then say "take". The other person will reject it and someone close like your sister would say "give it to me still".
- I remember how we would share food in the village from a tray with other kids. That was much more fun than eating from your plate at home.
- i remember biting a sweet in two to share it with friends.
- sharing cabin biscuit and egg at school.

Life was all about sharing.
Sometimes i and my husband share things like a mango. You need to see the big argument on who took the bigger part and who is cheating who. That is the joy of sharing. That is part of the fun and joy of being in love.

Tiredwify:
why are people like this? Why the insult? It was totally out of place.
Someone comes to a public forum to share her story, fully stating her issues and what she needs information on; and the next thing to do is to hurl insults at her as if you have seen her before or knew her before she had her children. Haba! This is uncalled for. Just advice her and move on. She didn't say she needed a pity party. She was actually looking for a way to change her eating habit.

@OP, I had a baby 6 months ago, and my eating habit changed also. It happens. I am even pregnant again, and now it is worse. But you know what? I don't give a hoot. I am in a stage in my life when I will add weight. When the right time comes, I will shed the weight. The truth is that our body make-up is different, and the most important thing is to understand ourselves. I wouldn't say you should cut down on your food intake because your baby needs the nutrients, but try and reduce your intake of fatty foods and do light exercises. My dear, when the time comes, you will lose the weight. Love yourself for who you are, it is a great thing to be a mother!!!

I agree when the time comes

That is why I still have some cloths I don`t fit into 20 years later!
When the time comes I will slim into them.

bukatyne:
But fair or dark Buhari's children are more beautiful

@bold, who determines the 'right' figure for a man?

Sorry the other man has this , "handle with care" look.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUWTpx2a89Q&feature=youtu.be

A group doing a great job in Enugu. Especially for the elderly.

I don`t want to comment here because I will just get angry and sad.
Besides don`t want to reveal some bad experiences I have made with family.
Most people think that having many kid`s is a big financial burden but we get along okay.
What draws us down is the extended and larger family.
It is like a basket wiht a big hole. No matter how much you out it is never enough
THe worse part of it is that no one seems to care, they just need more and more.

One of the reasons I keep distance with my neighbors!
It is good when it goes well, but nerve-racking when a good relationship is strained.
Neighbors can make life uncomfortable for you.

Please explain what you mean by "bluntly rejected".

Is a shame that the lightness of the skin is being used to judge.
That little girl in a white trousersuit is simply beautiful! The others all look okay.
The llittle boy ought to be put on a diet real fast!

On the picture above Pres. J the girls look lovely in their attires.


I guess most of you just got carried away with the colour and did not take a look at the features.

Colonial interpretation of beauty

As for President J. He is much finer and has more of the figure of a man than Buhari.
Anyway that is not the criteria for ruling a nation!

tellwisdom:
650k in 12 years?? ...Are you poor??

I think she meant the kids are under 12 years.

That was a kind gesture comming from her part!
..and getting rid of the contact was a wise decision!

Phema:
I'm very sure you noticed its in quote.

That is what many women in her situation say.

Phema:
You were that hurt and you didn't tell him? How was he supposed to know that his words hurt you that much? He shouldn't have used those words. I'm hoping he didn't mean it that way. It just didn't come out right.

And nope! Breastfeeding is not a reason for gluttony. I know, cos I'm a nursing mother too. One feels so drained and hungry after each round of breastfeeding that you can eat a full goat. But, you've got to watch it.

You should also start working out. It doesn't matter what outsiders say about your figure. It doesn't matter how many guys make passes at you. What matters is that your hubby is not comfy with your tommy and you should be concerned.

Pele dear. Please don't feel so bad. I know how it can be when you're being blamed for "something he put you through".

She didn`t want the kid`s?

That is the first thing I tell all my guests!
Serve yourself, my kitchen is your kitchen!

I would have told the girl to look that she makes her friend comfortable and gives him what he wants.

Any lady that visits here is in trouble.- I hand you over the cooking immediately!

I would have told the girl to cook for her friend just coming from abroad. We need to study her if she is good wife material.Then I would have enjoyed my short break from the kitchen.

The only problem is that my husband would not eat any other person`s food. It has to be someone close like a sister of in law. And one or two very close friends

When I had one of my kid`s I put on allot of weight and was still in hospital. I asked my husband if he still liked me that way. He asked me if I thought he was a fool. I better loose that weight that I looked like a whale that had been stranded on Land
I busted out in tears and he tried to tell me it was a joke but he meant it.
He did me a favor because that is like an alarm bell that constantly rings in my head years later that I have to pay attention to my weight.
But that was hard especially from a man that hardly talks!

I think it is better that your husband tells you the truth than that, he goes behind your back looking for a woman that is more to his taste.
The fact that you are slim now is no excuse for you to have an unhealthy eating habit, breastfeeding is also not an excuse for gluttony.
You have two children congratulations! But when I complain about my weight my friends tell me, it is okay with the number of kid`s I have. But then is that written on my Forehead when you walk around! I have 2 Kid`s so I am allowed to be fat.

As to what you did! That is really ridiculous to say the least.
Your husband was probably not hungry but seeing you eating that bread, he got an appetite for the bread.
HE WANTED BREAD! and not something else.
So the 3/4 left over was not enough for him
You just wanted to hide it and eat it up all alone later. That was nasty of you.
IF you love your husband and he asks you for bread. You stop eating if it isn`t enough and give it to him.
That is what a woman that loves her husband would do. Even if he doesn't want to deprive you, you would insist that you have had enough.

Hope you are not eating out of frustration or boredom. I know some women who have gotten terribly fat that way and they were all skinny before

blesie:
Yes Seun, my husband apologized, infact he bought alot of things to beg me, send flowers and organise a small love party for me where he went on his knee to beg me to forgive him in the presence of his friends, i feel very proud and happy to have such a wonderful man

Your husband went down on his knees and apologized for raping you over and over again!

Please someone give me a glass of water I have to swallow real hard, to digest this as real!

I wonder if you really know what the impact of abuse is.
You might think that everything is okay, but someday even years later something happens that triggers you and all the emotions come up again. You find yourself in a situation that you can hardly cope with the situation and everything just comes up and chokes you.

This is really sad.

You Left the goalpost to go and shoot a goal, but while you were shooting that goal, you left your goalpost unguided.

Meaning

Manis meant to be the provider and woman guides and takes care of the home and children.

Today we women very often have to join in by working to help pay the bills and offer the family the best but then we must not forget that the original role meant for a woman is the home.
So you were so busy making money and working that you did not even have time to attend the school events of the children.

So your husband hardly say you on a day to day basis in this role of mother and wife.

He saw in this woman a motherly figure and that is what attracted him.

That is one strange thing women do not understand. Men are attracted not just by class and sophistication but other qualities.

A man once told me that there was nothing as sexy as a woman bending down and sweeping with a broom

It is a shame it came this way.
It was also somewhat unfair of your husband not to tell you that he was lacking something. He should have resisted temptation and stayed with his family.
Anyway just pray about it and keep up the communication with your husband. Encourage him to come home and see the kid`s and when he is there do not throw accusations at him.
This might all have a good end.

jadelyn007:
mutter, I showed my elder brothers some of your comments and they swore that you are a man disguising as a woman. Is that true?

I am a woman! Honestly I can`t understand why it has suddenly become an issue here on Nairaland.

http://www.igboforum.de/

You need to organise yourself in groups or associations to get the real feel of home.
Many such groups exist all over the world today and I think they are a great idea. Let`s share such organizations and groups here. Maybe it will encourage others to start such a group. Also those groups existing could get new ideas.

The link above is of an Igbo Cultural group in Germany,

The mother has forgiven him, that is the most important thing.
Staying away from her is also increasing her pain.
She is missing the son she loves despite everything.
A mother`s heart is big enough to forgive even this abomination

Esdb3:
Dads and Mums even the youth can take note of this. How much care do you take to prevent your kids from hearing you during sex. I heard my parents a lot cause most times I slept as late as 2 a.m in the morning. I think this influences the kid negatively and should be really curbed.

Don't let your kids know your ring tone!

Bet you stayed awake purposely to hear them

delishpot:
Coming from a woman sha? Its a shame a woman like you will support what that LovePeddler did.
She is evil and does not deserve any respect from the owner of the home. If she was a good girl as you claimed she would not have attacked the madam but just say I am sorry I was hungry and did not want to wake you up. Please dont be offended.and off the stove and leave the kitchen. The bobo will see his babe is not happy and will have a talk with his pal or she later have a talk with the woman of the house to clear the air. If the madam of the house is still taking it personal, then they can move out for sanity sake. That is how you know decsent girls and can tell them from the raz ones.
A good girl will lay low and try to befriend the wife of her mans friend so as to be able to ask her some questions the men will not reveal about their pals. That girl is a LovePeddler and should be treated as such.. She had no regard for her bf and sure had none for the wife of her bfs pal.
I suspect you are just like that girl. I suspect you have entered the kitchen of a benefactor and even taken over her soup pot in her own home. I blame the women wrapers that hang out with your kind of women.
Your type will not even let their husbands sister enter their kitchen and will surely not let their mother inlaws cross the dinning area when they come to visit yet you are quick to judge another woma who asked a simple question in her home and got rejection and enimity in return.
I hope you are not a cheap push over desperate to find a husband sha. Cos I cant believe a married woman will open her mouth to say what you just said. This is why women cant unite. One I better pass you will surely come and prove to be perfect woman. See how the men united? See hiw the bf of the LovePeddler stood by his woman? And was even expecting an appology from another mans wife to his side chick I pray you marry that type of man, that will use you to serve his friends And their babes. And if you are married( which I doubt) I pray your husband will change and become like that guy.

Na condition make crayfish bend sha. Dem suppose flog that 'husband" sef.

Agreed she is the madam in the house, but do you know the other woman. Who is she, what is her position in society or her age. Do you mean that because she follows her boyfriend to his friends house she has to take all insults?

Besides the OP did not ask if the girl misbehaved. She wanted to know if her reaction was wrong?

Get it!!!!
We should try to remain focused on her question!
Get it

Why the hell should she befriend the husbands friend to find out more about the friend?
This just shows your mentality. A relationship is based on mutual trust.

As for your weird prayers
Please stop disturbing God.

soulglo:
You did not have to tell me anything. I simply deduced. What is more dangerous is you are likely in a situation that is difficult to live in but not steering women away from making the same choices. Instead you berate women in that situation or you try to convince them that these abusive men are not so bad. You are the dangerous one. I am happy I made that comment so that some of these women can go back and read your posts and then pretty much scratch off anything you have told them concerning their relationship. Every human being deserves a partner that loves and respects them but you on the other hand go out of your way to romanticize abuse in marriage. People like you make women stay in these horrible situations and when they get seriously injured or even killed, it is your type that will make comments like "I told her not to do this or that anymore", "she was very stubborn" etc. Don't expect any gentle words from me. You don't have to tell your business but you could be honest so other women can learn and not make your mistakes.

Every woman indeed deserves a man that respects and loves her and vice versa.
I absolutely agree!
The rate at which women are encouraged to leave their husband here is alarming! It is also wrong. When someone comes on here with a thread I pay attention to the OP and not the other person. She is the one that is on the forum. So it is her my advise is given to. If the man were to come on here for advice I would tell him he acted like a brute by hitting his wife. So check yourself once more and ask yourself if it is right to spoil a marriage that is possibly more intact than yours will ever be.

In this case I can DEDUDE ( let me use the word for today) that the OP and her husband are a passionate and temperamental couple. The are possibly very close and very much in love.

As we are here writing Chapters, they are in each others arms.

As for your gentle words. Save them for another time!

delishpot:
Another one bites the dust. Here come another one that will stand by a friends LovePeddler rather than his wife.

All this grammar. what is bad is bad. That LovePeddler should have respected herself. No where in the world is that type of attitude condoned except in men like your type homes. Where their wives are treated as not important.
what type of men are we breeding in naija sef? Woman wrapper full every where these days.
She wanted to help by preping food for everyone ke? if she wanted to help, she should wash the toilet and clean the room she slept in and tidy up the living room ir baby sit the kid while madam made the food.

I am not a man
So all this trash you emptied here did not fall into my bin.

As a woman I strongly object to you calling that woman a Love peddler.
That is a young girl that was at the very worst deceived into believing she was in a serious relationship.
She was doing what most ladies and men do - having a relationship and hoping it would lead to marriage.
When I encourage women to have respect and be submissive, some women here cry out that I do not have regard for women, some even think I must be a man.
But I have so much regard for women that I respect them as women. I would never address a fellow woman as a LovePeddler.

Let me tell you something. Some very bad and useless girls out there have had the luck to be put in a mans house.
But believe you my there are so wonderful very decent girls out there that deserve it more than you and are much more respectable than you. That have a more decent relationship than your marriage.