₦airaland Forum

Your father killed you mother- you kill your father- and then?
You end up spending your life in jail for a man you hate. Is it worth it.

Hate is like a poison you drink every day and wait for the other person to die.
You are only killing yourself with your hate.

Move on with your life.
Forgive him and try to follow him diplomatically so he fulfills his responsibilities as a father.

Sophyrocks:
I see your point. But its also possible the husband is aware of her salary and could be the type who doesnt keep his mouth shut either. Its not all men that can handle their wives being higher earners. He must have spilled it to his mother. As we are told, the wife has been supportive. It looks like the mother in law interferes a lot in their marriage. Either ways, we are just assuming scenarios and do not have the full knowledge of the whole thing.

as you say, we are assuming. Also possible the mother never liked her from the start.

Yes I had it too it is caused by the movement of the baby. Perhaps the legs or hand. That gives this feeling of vibration or a cell phone.
You can read about it in the web, it is quite common.

Prostitutes tanning themselves under the disguise of marriage

Disgusting and cheap! Trading their body for cloths and fashion.

koyyess:
Op, people especially on the first page have given you some good advice so I need not comment further. However, please ignore the person that is suggesting that your mum should accept your dad back to the home under the pretense of being viewed as a one big and happy family just so you can get married- it doesn't work that way dear. The person that gave that suggestion is insensitive and myopic. All the best.

Would you not like to see your parents together in their old age?

Marriage is for better or for worse. Why should her mother not take the father back? By so doing she also gains more respect.

I can´t understand why you would advice anyone to encourage their parents to be seperated.

Sophyrocks:
What sort of mother in law is that? How can a woman advise her son to divorce his wife just because she earns more? I hope the husband isn't a mamas boy and ready to stand by his wife. Her daughter in law is this hardworking and yet she isnt satisfied? It could be that she never approved of their marriage in the first place. Seems they have allowed the mother in law to interfere in their marriage. Does she live with them?

or possibly the wife was shoving it down his throat.

Why should anyone ask her son to divorce because there is more money?
How would the mother in law even know who earns what. That is only possible if someone has been singing real loud.

Perhaps we have not heard everything. It is possible that the girl was very rude. Comments like I pay the bills here etc...

Besides you owe your mother in law the same respect you have for your mother and even more. No matter what she says, no need to be rude.

obowunmi:
I be had to forgive my father too. He is a control freak and very violent.

He hides his mutated behavior under religion.

love

pring:
I need to have a chart with u. Its private.

I have replied.

You should not have shown this picture without warning that it would get graphic.
This got me really upset.
Man / woman is evil.

Your family problem is very easy to solve !
Let your mother take your father back- three birds killed with one stone.

- you mother becomes an honorable woman that is to be admired and held in high esteem.
- your dad is back in the family and catered for.
- you are no longer a child from broken home.

Encourage your mother to take your father back.

If your father goes mad or begs in the street, the shame is on you the children too!
Honor your mother and father! This is the only one of the ten commandments where God gives a promise-

Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

You father left you in a desperate situation and not to have a good time. That also counts. Now he is in a difficult position, if you turn your back on him you will receive the wrath of God.

Finally if you want a successful marriage you have to learn forgiveness- so start practicing with your father.

Please can someone find out if this baby is still alive?
This is so disturbing.

francizy:
Well, if I racially abused them, am sorry about that.

I said something about the wife material thing because I know many women who are devoted to their marriage more than anything. You never see them divorce a man just because he got caught up in work or for some lill reasons.

By the way, I didn't mean to insult anyone.

Bye pal and thanks for the correction

francizy:
LoL..

We just have to take them how they are. In some ways, I still do prefer Nigerian girls to whites. Reason is, no matter how spoilt Nigerian girls are, you will still find a wife material among them.

No wife material amongs white girls?
That is really a very racial comment.
I am not a white fan but do you know how many white girls have fallen in love wiht nigerian men and given then all they have and more.
How many of these men have been husband material to them? No rather duped then left, right and centre.

Met this lady who took out a mortgage on her house when her daughter was a baby. The nigerian husband took over 200 0000 Dollars and went to Nigeria to set up biz as he claimed. The young woman had inherited the house from her parents. They man never came back and she had to work day and night to pay f the mortgage and that with a little baby.

and certainly I think they are harmless compared to us.

The important thing is that he married her, whichever way she did it.

Even if she begged him so what! Every reasonable girl wants to get married. Many girls go to great extent to get married, crying to native doctors and pastors, pretending and investing just to get a married. why come out here to talk bad of her.

If the man cheats on her is that anyone`s biz!
Like it is not the order of the day in Nigeria.

Please learn to be happy for other peoples fortune so that God will not pass you by when sharing the blessings.

This girl is obviously considering him too. Those gifts are for her and she is accepting them.
BTW don`t you buy anything for your girlfriend.
Just asking because if these gifts are making you uncomfortable and the girl is accepting them, probably means you have been up to nothing.

Do you think she will chop your love alone

As the saying goes - better soup na money kill am.

You for try kill the soup small, not lamenting here when someone else is acting like a man.

You have no right to keep a child away from a father if the father is not a danger to the child`s health and well being.
It is the fundamental right of the child to know his father and it is the right of the father to know his son.

If love your child let the child get to know it`s father. Do not take it upon yourself to make a choice for your child. That child is a human being with rights and you have just deprived him of a very fundamental right.

More so he needs to know his fathers roots and the rest of the family.
Did his siblings, grandparents, uncles, Aunts and cousins also offend you.
You are depriving him of his father,his siblings, his family , his roots.

It is morally wrong and that child may grow up hating you for depriving him of so many people who could have showed him love.

Please overcome your hurt and pride and do the right thing in the interest of your child.
The child is priority here and remember.
You too did not show that child unconditional love.
You wanted the fathers blood tested to know if it was a sickler. Most likely you would have aborted it if it was.
So you are not much better and have your own fair share of sins and cannot stand in Judgement over him.

Finally follow your heart, which wants to call him anyway!

The truth is that he is not better or worse than most other men.
The fact that he went to the states shows that he needed to get himself on his feet. He knew that you would not have agreed then to him doing this.
Do you know how difficult it is for a man to face up to responsibilities when they don`t have the financial means?
To go and face a girl`s parents and tell them that he got her pregnant and wants to marry her! WITH WHAT!
Many men would rather die in silence than expose themselves as not being capable.
B
Do you still love him? Then hear him out and give him a chance.
The chance you are going to give him is not a jump into bed chance.
No he now has the chance to go meet your parents first on his son and then on marriage. One does not have anything to do with the other so don`t muddle them up.
If he wants only his son to be legitimized then allow him go for the necessary things. If he wants to marry you, accept if you still love him.

If you loved him once you might love him again.

It is very difficult taking children into a marriage, so if you can avoid it.

Besides consider yourself lucky. There are many girls out there just waiting and hoping that the fathers will come back for their abandoned babies. Even girls that had the kid`s out of marriage and the men absconded.

@Kanwulia. My bulletproof vest is already on

Okay men, put in your applications.
She might consider divorcing herself and marrying a man.

She is so pretty!

This is just barbaric!
This is evil!
His blood innocent on guilty remains on their hads forever.

The girlfriend is also monitoring your husband!
You both have a similar course so join forces and ward of all other girls/women

The woman has told you she does not give a damn if you know and that she will welcome him into her hands and legs any day.

The man has also made it clear to you that he does not care what you think about it and that he has no intention of stopping.

So you have two options.

One - get out if you can`stand the heat in the kitchen. All respect is lost.

or

two - accommodate the situation.

Which means you have to go into yourself realize where you went wrong.
Then you have to make amends. It takes humility and hard work to get back a man that is beginning to drift.
If you try doing all those things our mothers did in those days, he might probably come back to you.
That means being humble, submissive, obedient and also pleading with him ,at least not to treat you bad, even if he has someone else.

The option is yours!

Sometimes reading the writing on the wall, helps prevent such things.

That is never a 12 year old and the breast look like that of a pregnant or breast feeding woman.

Poor mama, too scared to talk because you might send her packing back to Nigeria.
Can you imagine the pain she is living in having to keep this to herself so as not to create a problem in the house?
She has to be silent even if she is living in fear that the friend would snatch you away from her daughter.

You are a wicked man and not a weak man. Your wife has just given you a priceless gift of life that you ought to be so over the moon with the baby and not be thinking of your animalistic desire to copulate.

Don`t you know that childbirth makes a woman more attractive for a real man that loves his wife!

Anyone blaming the wife is on the wrong track. She just wanted help from someone she trusted.

..you better send that daughter of Jezebel packing and make a confession to your wife and the mother in law.

Only when you confess and repent are you truly sorry for what you did.

But it does appear you are not sorry at all, only sorry that you got caught.

Annstar:
my dear am a lady, i just heard someone saying it

upps Sorry

Adaezeagu:
I know this girl very well. Her fada was a medical doctor in kwale general hospital. Her mom was a bursar in one government school.we attended primary sch together. She was my younger sister classmate. She has been kidnapped before, maybe she planned the previous one too. Santa Maria nursery and primary sch utagba-Ogbe kwale Delta State

I find this really mean and unnecessary.

Quite honestly what she did was against her parents. She is being condemned here even more than we condemn real kidnappers.
We don`t have to go splashing her pictures and bringing her down this way.Give her a chance to repent and get rehabilitated.

But... if she was kidnapped before

vkoni:
hello all.
i am a career woman doing night duty most of the time,i presently do not have an househelp/nanny for fear of wat might be going on wen im not around.Going for night duty leaving my kids, with my hubby and housemaid brings so much tots to my mind.wat do i do?Not even this era of hubby and househelp digging it while u er not there.Really so afraid

Please differentiate between a job and a career. I can`t imagine a career that involves night duty. Probably is a job or at the best a job that requires qualified skills.

If your kid`s aren`t old enough to stay at home alone and your husband cannot handle them on his own then you better get a day time job.

Most men can take care of their kid`s at night. After all they are sleeping most of the time.
Perhaps your kid`s are still very young. Then they need a mother at home.

BTW, you are already suspecting the nanny before even bringing her into your home,

This was not a mistake, it had been going on for years.

As the bible says, every day for the thief, one day for the master of the house.
See the disgrace she has brought on her kid`s
Abeg don`t kill yourself because if you do that, no hope that anyone will want to marry into the family.
The harm she has done is enough.

If i was the husband I would have pity on her and forgive her for the sake of the kid`s and also because she was my wife. She has already been punished enough.
I am sure after this ordeal she would be a different person. Ironically it is now that she might become a very good wife.

The consequences of not believing the truth far outweigh the consequences of believing a lie to be true in this case.
I hope that answers your questions.

One of the greatest problems facing abuse victims is that no one believes them.
Many kid`s remain silent victims for fear of telling their parents and for fear of not being believed.
Much worse, is when they believe that their parent´s would blame them for it.

I knew this child many years back that got caught by the nanny stealing foodstuffs to eat from the store. The nanny threatened to report to the parents and she got so scared of being beaten that she cried and begged the nanny. This went on for days. It was a torture because the nanny would threaten her with it every day and start moving in the direction of the sitting room, like she was going to report.
Finally the nanny told her that if she let her do something to her she would never report her and that was how the ordeal started. She abused the girl for ages and no one knew what was going on. Very often she would rub a straw sponge on her privates and they would be all sore and bleed for days.

I wonder if the parents ever realized what they had exposed their daughter to out of fear, the fear of telling the parents of the abuse or of being caught being abused was a constant nightmare she lived in, perhaps even more scary than the abuse.
The sad thing about it is tha the parent`s would probably have believed her and protected her, but children that are scared of their parent`s cannot assess that far.

Come is there a conspiracy on N/land to portray us women as gluttons who can`t have enough of food

What I think is that she is planning to wed someone else or just use him.

If you believe that you would soon be moving somewhere else, you wouldn`t start buying such items, not even if you could afford them yourself.
You would wait to get to your new place and make sure that the fit into the new home.

Anyway let me memorise your name OP because in a few years time you will open another thread here .-Help, my wife and her family are sucking me dry!

That is if she does end up marrying you.

Royver:
I have gone through the op three times now and I see nowhere he said the second hug was done in secret per se. I dont see how the junior brother will want to try any nonsense right under his brother's nose. There are people that are just the 'touchy touchy' type, any small thing they want to hug and pet and caress, probably both the man's junior brother and wife are of the same stock.

All the same if the man doesn't like it the woman should desist from such acts.

If she is the touchy type let her touch her husband and not her in-law!

No this is very wrong. If they do this in public, God knows what the do in secret.
Your friend was slack, how did he allow such a thing to repeat itself.

As far as I know that child is legitimized through your subsequent marriage.
They have absolutely no right to withhold the child from you.
You need to ask yourself what kind of woman you married.

Any mother would want her child to grow up with her. Her sister that was married is could not have the same feeling or love for the child.

I smell a big rat here. You need to be very firm and consequent.
Tell her not to come back home without the child and the DNA test.
When you love your child, you fight for it and you move mountains. You don`t just sit there asking what is to be done.