₦airaland Forum

ginky:
Becomrich,your post doesn't make sense. The question is if it's compulsory for a woman to wash her husband's clothes. It's not in any way related to cooking food. I don't understand why you guys are exaggerating everything. That woman whose picture you put all over the thread is a cook by profession so why are you using her as an example? Is she perfect? Do you even know her personally? You are just acting(I really want to believe it's all an act) SHALLOW. Pls,try to dig deep. Even if you must use a celebrity,use a 9ja one.

Ginika! Ginika!! Ginika!!!! How many times did I call u? Come home! U r heading for a path of distruction!

Cheating is cheating. Whether in the exam hall, in political elections, in defrauding other pple's money, or in marriage/retaionship.

@poster

intimacy. is really pleasurable. Many pple think nothing can compare to it. THe day u resume, U will love it, u will steal, u will dare it, u will die for it.

I lost mine (in my University FINAL YEAR in Naija here) to one fine, campus babe. Then I had a roommate, who noticed I had 'broken even.' He was still a vi-rgin. He felt desolate, and folorn (as u feel today). He was about ur age then. He asked me, I want to lose mine too. I cant bear it anymore. I gave him this same advice I'm giving u today. i told him, there was nothing there. He might wish he never did. He remained until I left. Then, he was in his 3rd year.

If u try it as I said earlier, u would love it. But, one more thing, u will ever wished u remained the way u re now until u re really ready for marriage.

Be wise.

Ujujoan:
I dont know what people are arguing about . . it's your respomsibility to make sure you husband's clothes are clean and well ironed. He might 'decide' to help you with it but make no mistake about it, it's you duty as his wife!

Modern day woman no reack this one!

Uju,
Tnx. Very few women r like you. My wife WASHES mine, altho the secondary ones. The primary clothes (Office & church wears) go to d dry cleaner.

Drawing a line from Becomrich's comment, i would like to know where u live. In Naija or abroad. Ur advice cld save a lot. Mayb u too stay abroad, and yet able to give this beautiful advice.

The truth is d mmore women want to b free, d more marriages crumble. Women asked for equality (What a man can do, ), they got it; they asked for liberation, and got it; now they have asked for WOMEN EMPOWERMENT and have got it too. I have no problem with all those.

Unfortunately, there are now more marriage crises & divorces than there were 10 years ago, decades ago and centuries ago. Many children trained without their fathers or mothers! Does it not show on the kids? Dont these children feel some sense of vacuum? Has it not promoted violence world-wide & added to d spate of teenage (& infant) immorality and breakdown in values? It all started with not washing clothes, b/c "We are not slaves!" Something ordinarily done out of love. But, it has fast taken difft dimensions.

I know some pple will attack me. But, WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN, I HAVE WRITTEN.

Ndeewonu.

@ginky,
You have murdered sleep today. Just know it! And b ready to take all d punches.

chaircover:
@ndeewonu. I feel your pain. I am not condemning you for what you are doing/done. We are all human and no-one is perfect. What I was against was you totally blaming your wife for the situation.

You have to understand that men and women function differently and sex is no different. For example It takes longer to arouse a woman and we are turned on by touch and what we hear while a man can get an erec.tion just by seeing a beautiful lady walk by.

I will suggest that you take time out to have a calm but honest heart to heart with your wife. Let her know how feel. Then try and agree a minimum number of times you will have intimacy every week. It sounds crude to start with, but you may want to agree a timetable. Let her tell you what she enjoys most about intimacy and you try and do those things. You will find that if she enjoys it, she will be looking forward to the next time on the time table and soon you will both be exceeding the number of times on the timetable which is what you want anyway.

Buy Christian books on marriage; Christians are regular people and I am sure that if you look on a site like Amazon, you will find at least one Christian book that deals with your particular situation. You will also benefit from an appropriate secular book such as Men are from Mars & women are from Venus (did I get that the right way round) This will give you a basic understanding on the differences between men and women.

When women get married, Priorities do change and we have a lot more to think about & do. I will be lying if I say that I haven't on the very odd occasion thought about something completely different from the situation at hand such as "gosh are the kids uniforms ready" in the middle of a passionate session with Mr ChairCover; Nothing to do with his technique; just a lot of things on the girls mind

Your wife probably feels a little unsure about her body after pregnancy and the baby and by just reassuring her that she still looks like a queen to you can go a long way in the bedroom. Take her out, spoil her & let her feel that she is special.
She probably suspects that you are cheating on her (only very few women don't know when their husbands cheat, its just that many are in denial so won't say anything) Her suspecting that you are cheating on her will further damage your sex life.

I wish you all the best; and I do appreciate your honesty and I hope both sexes have learnt a thing or two from your comments.

My dear CC,

I dont know wht I owe you. I like dis sisterly advice. I hv adopted it. I probably will keep u posted. I enjoy reading a lot; and will check out d book. God bless u.

pureminded:
Do i even have ? I don't do bad things etc I guess im clean!

But i'll still think deep and have a resolution

pureminded:
Yeah I'm sure , the only thing that came to my mind was, ehm ehm , GIRLS

I guess i should reduce the way i FLIRT! ^{But that ain't my fault,coz dem gurls? mheeen}

And also, i don't think that's a bad habit, girls are there for the guys and guys for the girls

what's your own resolution ?

Double-speaking!

Irritating. Very irritating. It can cause problm on ur main rtnship/spouse. I tell u, a lot do it.

What is reason? Table them & settle amicably.

They re made to be so. And dt s their greatest undoing. Ladies fall for this so much that they miss d real person & go for who has more sugar-coated tongue.

chaircover:
Sorry I don't know what else to say as you are bent on justifying your infidelity.

You have trained yourself not to worship food but you are unable to control your sexual urge & worship sex instead; I am sure you already know that the persistent urge to share bodily fluids with strange women will eventually get you into trouble in more ways than one.

You are a Christian and don't believe in divorce but you believe in having a string of affairs because you only get sex once to thrice a week.

I appreciate that we are all different in our ways of dealing with issues, but I still believe that no woman , or lets say very few women deliberately starve their husbands of sex. If she is always tired as you claim, have you bothered looking at the root cause?

I suggest you should have honest serious discussions with responsible married men around you and you may be surprised at how many of them actually get it more than 3 times a week in reality. Marriage is about compromise on both sides; no one said its a bed of roses; you give and you take.

I can only wish your family all the best and hope that you see the error in your ways before its too late; you are in denial.

Thanx 4 your great advice. I really value it. Point of correction though, I'm a responsible man. Most men who do such dont give a hoot about wht they do. It bothers me thoroughly. I knw men who do worse. I USED TO condemn them intoto. Some even dont see wht they re doing as wrong. I keep on telling u it hurts me. I never plannd for it.

Hse chores? Who says I dont help out? Besides, we have all kinds of retinue of relatives & house helps in our home helping out. So, it may nt necessarily be tedium dt causes this lull. Yes, food b/c I leave very early, work throughout d day & come home late. I also delibrately delay coming home by staying late in d office b/c coming will nt make me happy, esp bc what shlld cool me off is nt there. I try to understnd her most of d time.

I know u would think I m one of those irresponsible men out there. I knw I cant convince u but i m saying d truth. I just needed a solution, some of which u hv proferred. I practically beggd 4 a b.l.o.w. job one nite & still didnt get dt. It's dt bad!! The following morning, I got it in d office without begging. WHAT A SHAME! Yes, what a shame. And I cant tell her all these. Mayb u r also married, i believe. I doubt if u understand what I m talking about. At times, I cry within. U would nt believe me. Laying much blames on me makes me so sad and mad too. I never plannd it this way.

What I hear more is dt many husbnds do NOT satisfy their wives in bed. They keep starving their y5s. Counsellings I ve bn to & preachings in d church is for hubbys nt to ignore their wives intimacy.ually. Mine is d reverse. U can feel my heart from my writing. I m nt cut out for this. I finish, I feel bad the who of d day.

On why I m able 2 keep away hunger & nt sxx, I dont think d former is delibrate. If u may know, i dont drink, i dont smoke, I dont do drugs, d only way i prefer to unwind is in d arms of my y5. Im now planning to start drinking & hang out late to wade off d 'disturbance I give to my lovely y5. Mayb, dt s better, right?

michelin89:
Nor be the same Bible say nor commit adultery? Besides Chaircover was talking about something else. With your "ability" to understand I am not surprised you won't understand your wife's condition.

As CC was asking: do you help in house chores?

@Michelin,
I guess I ve answered your questn. Pardon my 'lack of understnding'. I dont think I need much of curses now. I need some comfort & encouragement. I pray God nt to leave u in this kind of situation, or something close to this. If it happns to u, u would feel d way I do.


@Chaircover/Michelin, if u have materials dt will help me out, pls, send them to my email add (see my profile). Truly, I will appreciate. I wish u can read my mind.

I live in Lag. I come from the S/East, and I know other states in Naija b/c I travel around Naija mostly. I have never seen a state like Lagos in terms of improvement, good governance and dedication.

Why I like Fashola is dt he doesnt spend tax-payers' money laundering his image in the media, like other govs. He believes in Word of Mouth. I have always told pple dt any gov doing much of ads in TV and media is fake. I remember d days of "ENUGU STATE IS WORKING; TO GOD BE THE GLORY," which Nnamani used in deceiving the whole world. But, compare Chime with Nnamani today, u see a major diffce.

We Lagosians tacitly agree dt even if Fashola wants to come out 4 presidency, we would vote him automatically.

Anybody who says Fashola doesnt deserve this award has a problem. Has he checked d road system now, security, hold-up situation, neatness of Lagos, clearing of area boys-infested areas? Oshodi, Mile 2, Stadium, Ijora Olopa, etc are no more black spots. I m not his advocate; i dont even know who he is (of course I dont need to, to say what he has done), but i can feel him all around Lagos.

erbdol:
I want to be president of nigeria

Na by force? This same force wey dem force Yar'Adua to become president de cause problem today. Hand over, he no wan hand over, return and do president work, he no return. Ok, die now make other pple take over, he no wan die.

Haba! i don de fear you -o!

chaircover:
Why dont you just divorce her instead of making excuses for your total blatant disregard for your wife and baby.

She is probably so tired because maybe you are one the few remaining species of Naija males who thinks that stepping foot in a kitchen is a taboo and the type that doesnt eat yesterdays stew and doesnt like rice.

How can having extra marital affairs be the total be all end all long term answer to a wife too tired for sex? THINK MAN!!!

@Chaircover

To d contrary, I eat everything. I prefer being starved of food, to sxx, b/c i can get food elsewhere wit no wahala, but d other has conscience issues. Again, I can go without food 4 a whole day; i trained myself not to worship food dt way; when I m at work, I dont even remember food until late in d evening.

The problm is dt u ladies think every man is a cheat, an irresponsible fool, based on wht we hear or see in movies. I am NOT like dt. Ladies shld also understnd men r nt all the same. I'm serious. I have no cause to lie.

Divorce? This is Naija. Besides I'm a Xtian & know wht d Bible says pertaining dt.

Hmm

~Borat~:
Smoke less. . .

So help me God. . .

r231:
drink less

Zap less.

1. Chidiogo - God is merciful
2. Ebere - mercy
3. Amarachi - God's grace
4. Anuri - Happiness/joyfulness
5. Uzoamaka - The road is beautiful (talking about the relationship with inlaws)
6. Chimamanda - My God will never fall (meaning fail)
7. Ogechi (kamma) - God time (is the best)
8. Alaoma - Good land
9. Ulooma - Good home
10 Chika (dibia) - God is bigger (than babalawo/witch doctor)

For now, manage this.

Ndi be anyi,

Onye anwula ma ibe ya efula. Ka afo 2010 a wetara anyi oganihu, ahu-isi-ike, omumu, uba, mmuta na udo n'etiti ndi Igbo no na Naijiria na ndi no na mba ozo.

Ka onye nwe anyi nonyere unu.

Ndeewonu!

beautyn:
Men cheat because they cant do without cheating, it is in their blood. Some are under spell not matter how their wives try to please them. I witness a situation were a man encourages another man to cheat that it is fun. My own husband has been cheating on me rite from the first day of our marriage. The only thing i normally tell him is to use Condom. I try so many things it didnt work and I dont intend to leave my children for another woman to come and maltreat so I live with it. But if you cant cope with such man, you seperate. Be careful of men who doesnt like long courtship because they have something to hide. That was what happen to me because i could know am already in with children. Now is late, am only waiting for God's intervention.

@Beautyn,
Ur story is so touching. I feel 4 u.

But, pls, do u satisfy him se.xually? Do u give him food? Do u nag at him always? I'm a married man. I hv a y5 who cannot satisfy me sexually & nags like hell. B4 i got married, i vowed not 2 play out. U come into d hse, it's hell; u need intimacy, several reasons keep coming why it's nt possible (I'm tired, i feel sleepy, I have headache, I'm nt in d mood, I'm worked up, the baby needs attention).

Meanwhile on d road, in d office, in d church, girls r giving green lights & throwing advances, offering wht u do nt get ahome. It can b sad. I'm telling u d truth. I hv no reason 2 tell lies here. When we dated, she gave it at least 2x daily; but after marriage, d whole thing petered out. It's sad & painful. It was never my plan to go astray. I ask for 3x a week, bt get less than once a week; at times i get it once in 2 weeks. I hv d capacity of doing 3x every day bt no longer get satisfied. Each time I see breasts & woman's bombom outside, I begin to shake, meanwhile I have it ahome. So bad. At a time, i tot abt ending d whole thing b/c it's working d way i wnted. Can u blame such a man 4 doing sthing funny?

I think u need to talk to me; mayb give me some advice dt will change this. I dont really like wht I m doing. But, for an average man, sex is d easiest way to cool off or release tension. After all d hassles, u come home, looking more frustrated & stressed. I love her, but one imprtnt thing dt holds marriage is conspicuously missing. I m nt a womaniser par se. I do nt believe in "you cannot continue to eat okoro soup, " theory. Mine is, if the okoro soup is still sweet, I keep eating it. But when u dont see d okoro soup at all, wht do u do?

XKZ:
I thought it was the song "MARIAMA"

And it took 40 years? - justice delayed is justice denied!

This story has been around like forever. I heard t before I could talk.

Yes, he did MARIAMA when he was still with her.

After the usurping, he released 2 major LPs:

1. Oh, Maria, come back, If i offend you, come back; and
2. What's gonna be, gonna be.

Happy new year to all NL members.

Ndeewonu

ayomifull:
Honestly i dont know what to say about that. Its sickening and i have had no married woman bold enough to own up to it so i can ask why.

Yah, menr more open. Dt s y they say their reasons. Women will continur 2 make it a mystery. I think women shld talk & say their problm so men can take precaution & correction

mendax
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AODONAKAA,WEY NO SABI SIIMPLE CURRENT AFFAIRS.A WHOLE SAN THAT DOES NOT KNOW THAT HAWAII IS A STATE IN AMERICA BUT THINKS IT S A SOVEREIGN COUNTRY.
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I don't think there is a big deal because aondoka doesn't know Hawaii, afterall I'm sure whoever The American secreatry of justice is or corresponding appointment holder is doesn't hav any idea of our country. Moreover how does k owing if hawaii is a state or not affect the proper discharge of his duties? Inferiority complex is disturbing MAny nigerians

Thankx my bros,
Nigeria is becoming obessessed wit America these days dt America has becomed d yardstivk 4 measuring everything, including Christianity. It's high time we had a sense of independence. I do not think knowledge of states in America is a sine qua non to becoming d Attorney General of Nigeria. Like u rightly said, d majority of Americans (not only the Justice Sec) may not know where Abuja, which is our capital, is.


Meanwhile, The story of cloning a Yar'adua by doing plastic surgery on somebody, is funny. Nigerians can b creative & imaginative. I don't think these Northern power-crazy pple can go to that length. If they can, then WHAT REASON DO WE HAVE BEING ONE NIGERIA? TO YUOUR TENTS OH ISRAEL!!

Go check the mogue!

Learn to give more of everything.