₦airaland Forum

fantababy: Dear All,

I am a regular visitor to Nairaland, but I have not been able to post / comment for a long time because I could not remember my password.

I want to vent my depression as I have no one to talk to, would try to make this as short as possible. To start with, my temperament is melancholy. Melancholies struggle with periods of depression & bitter sweet moments. Words count with us and we hurt easily.

I am 9 months pregnant, and combining this current status with my temperament has not been easy. Pregnancy on its own is not an easy journey and it is sad when your hubby does not understand this. I have a fantastic hubby, but these past 9 months have been challenging & more depressing for me because he expects me to be a super woman. I think this is very selfish, mean and cruel.

I am a full time working lady & very hard working, am not boasting about it. All through my pregnancy, I ensured that I did not allow the sickness associated with pregnancy to slow me down. I always cooked & went to the market myself. My hubby goes to work with lunch and eats every night. The very few times when am unable to make his dinner, due to extreme fatigue, my dear hubby wears a long face & prepares only his own food, without asking me if I have eaten. I find that very selfish, but I have bottled it up. Imagine, me curled up in bed, too tired & hungry, and my dear hubby goes into the kitchen, prepares something, and eats alone, without looking at me twice. He makes very annoying statements, like “am pretending or am I the first pregnant woman!”

All through this pregnancy, I have suffered extreme pelvic pain, waist pain & swellings. My feet size went from size 39 – 42. I feel pains standing for more than 10 mins, but I bear it all & pretend, least my hubby makes more annoying statement. I can cope with the physical pains, but I cannot combine this with verbal abuse & emotional pain. I get really uncomfortable most times, and simply requests like pls turn off the AC, give me your pillow, pls open the windows are met with negative responses most times or done grudgingly. Even a simple massage request is always done in such haste.

This is my first pregnancy, and right now, I am extremely emotional. My mother is late and I miss her terribly. My family have only supported through phone calls. I feel sad, that my hubby has never volunteered to assist with the groceries or making breakfast / lunch / dinner/ laundry. Etc. I have asked for assistance a couple of times and I get a NO.

Am due in about 2 weeks and I am so anxious & scared. My pelvic pains are so extreme that they keep me awake most nights, most times I cry at night. I can’t turn and walk with so much difficulty. Last Sunday, I had to scream at him, that I want to be pampered. He was saying a lot of hurtful things and I had to plead that he should keep quiet least he says more hurtful things. He says am disrespectful & my attitude is bad. Please, how do I maintain a respectful attitude when I am in so much pain / discomfort and he has not shown any care during the time I need him the most. I try to respect him a lot but I think he has an esteem issue, because every of my actions are counted as disrespect! I walk on egg shell all day.

Am anxious & nervous at the thought of being a mother, the labor pains, sleepless nights after the baby is born are all making me depressed. Even the thought of having my mother in law stay with us is getting me scared. (She is a very nice woman, but the thot still scares me). Right now, I want to curl up in bed, have someone massage my body, feed me breakfast in bed, pray with me, make my nails, stroke my hair and tell me all will be well. But no one to do that. I am tempted to spend the weekend with my father, but he would smell something is wrong, and he lives far away from me.

I have decided that since no one wants to pamper me, I would pamper myself. I would cook when I have the energy, (no point stressing myself for a man that does not appreciate), I would sit by the beach, read a book & let the wind sooth my troubled heart, I would go the cinemas, walk around the malls, eat out & buy lovely things for myself……..

alienvirus: Someone should help me ask this fisherman these:

1. Why did u remove Salami?

2. Why did u rename Unilag before forwarding it to the National Assembly?

Add more...

moremi2008: Men should not allow their egos to get in the way of family progress. Both of you are in this institution of marriage TOGETHER and it is this notion of togetherness that should influence your decision. Two issues are salient about this situation:

1) It's a slam-dunk positive for your wife (career-wise and income-wise)
2) The move will be relatively hassle free for you career-wise because your skill-set is in high demand anywhere and you won't have any difficulty finding another job

In this situation, the best thing for the FAMILY is to move with your wife. Depriving your wife of a great career move without any good reason will only breed future resentment and marital strife. Men need to start seeing marriage as a true partnership between two individuals with perfectly aligned interests. You decision-making process has to progress from being "husband-centric" to being "family-centric". You should always make decisions based on what's good for the family as a combined whole because what's good for your wife is also good for you and your children. In this particular case, given the facts provided, the OP should move with the wife.[/b]

PS - I recently ran into an old friend who quit his engineering job last year to go be with his wife who is completing a cardiology fellowship at a top-notch hospital. He found a new job after a few months of searching. They are both very happy and the wife is particularly grateful for the sacrifice. That family is probably one of the happiest young families I have ever seen and I look forward to seeing them emerge as a top power couple.

lastpage: I think Fashola is just trying to use "scare tactics" coupled with "Divide and Rule" tactics!

Since the logjam is getting bigger and bigger...and Fashola is not a Doctor and neither can he import Doctors (and pay them as they would want), Fashola is aware that he is running out of tricks!

Just see how he left the "back door open" for himself in-case he needs to maneuver (quote: since they can still be recalled...bla-bla-bla)

I foresee a face-saving style by Gov. Fash.
He will act like he is "in control" and the Doctors are "begging" to have their job back but in actuality, he is the one begging them to come back!

Only a foolish man will pour ants on his own bed at 9pm!

Lastpage!

BTW: i dont support all these incessant strikes that lead to death of innocent people (and hope there are better ways of achieving same result) but we have an uncaring and unreasonable Govt which does not understand any "civil language" except the use of threats and force. Such is the caliber of "unthinking rulers" Nigeria is saddled with.

Daresh: gaggi you didnt read my post well. no one wants a jobless man but can you start the process of relocating? looking for another job while you still have this one. Or in a proffession like medicine where you are always wanted. Or working on a transfer to be close to her!

Jummy mine: What is destination wedding

Ola one: Yeah, it's May but this guy is the Career Section poster of the year 2012.

Puvguy: He's an office man and got an high position so weather is no issue.

redeemersave: hello pips, i have been following closely on this thread and now i think i want to be an active member, to share, learn, and be helped, and i know my miracle time is now. i sincerely pray that for every one of us the journey on trying to conceive will soon end and i mean each and everyone of us will share our testimonies one by one between now and next month by God's Grace.

i have been married since August 2010, though my hubby was not in the country for the first year of our marriage, he return August last year 2011, so i have been trying to conceive for 10months now. i have done some test which says am ok, like hsg test, which shows the status of uterus n fallopian tubes.

i dnt realy use drugs like that but i have started using folic acid n multivitamins,when i used the multivitamins last cycle i notice my cycle was heavy and long, i will say it was like my usual cycle( heavy and run for 5 -6 days usually before it changed to normal and run for 3-4 days like 4 years ago).

then about my ovulation, i notive i dont ovulate, i know before my hubby came back i ovulate cos is see the light n stretchy mucus like discharge every month, now what do i see? i see, fluid (sperm) discharge after some days of intimacy with hubby. then last month after using clomid i notice that discharge again to show i ovulated, i got so excited, i even thought it will click but nothing, this cycle i did not notice it.

am sorry for boring you with long note, i need suggestions pls. thanks love ones.

2good: Hmmmm. I think I know your friend well whose name starts with A. He relocated to Denmark not Norway.

naijababe: Good company, Maersk, my resolve to return to Nigeria within the next 3yrs was the only reason why I didn't go to work for them.

Jarus: Your point No 1 is damn correct. This I have always said on this section(check that evergreen Investment- banking-derailed-to-Oil& Gas thread).

95% of recruitment in IOCs are merit-based. Mobil is the only one I can't guarantee 100%. The best student in my set is in Shell, the best student in the set after mine(both my friends) is also in Shell. The best student in my set in secondary school(who went on to finish 2nd best in his class in Ife) is also in Shell US. Loma on NL here was one of the best students in his set(4 years ahead of me) was also of Chevron.

The first two guys especially are from the poorest of homes you can think of.but very brilliant. And they scaled through Shell recruitment process. Another one, a brilliant Yoruba guy from a northern university(and staying with me in Lagos here) is also on Shell waiting list, having passed SRD, only waiting for space. He doesn't know anybody, in fact I was the one that brought him to Lagos(for NYSC in my former coy) and inducted him into 'corporate Lagos', polishing his raw brilliance. He is now with Oando pending the time Shell has a space for him.


I have always tried to demystify this common notion that you need to know someone before you get job.

By my experience and observation over years, your chance of getting job by MERIT in an IOC is 95%, private Nigerian company 70% (there is still merit in even Nigerian coys despite the exaggerated pessimistic mentality among Nigerians). Public sector is the one I can say is less than 50%.

Jarus: Your point No 1 is damn correct. This I have always said on this section(check that evergreen Investment- banking-derailed-to-Oil& Gas thread).

95% of recruitment in IOCs are merit-based. Mobil is the only one I can't guarantee 100%. The best student in my set is in Shell, the best student in the set after mine(both my friends) is also in Shell. The best student in my set in secondary school(who went on to finish 2nd best in his class in Ife) is also in Shell US. Loma on NL here was one of the best students in his set(4 years ahead of me) was also of Chevron.

The first two guys especially are from the poorest of homes you can think of.but very brilliant. And they scaled through Shell recruitment process. Another one, a brilliant Yoruba guy from a northern university(and staying with me in Lagos here) is also on Shell waiting list, having passed SRD, only waiting for space. He doesn't know anybody, in fact I was the one that brought him to Lagos(for NYSC in my former coy) and inducted him into 'corporate Lagos', polishing his raw brilliance. He is now with Oando pending the time Shell has a space for him.


I have always tried to demystify this common notion that you need to know someone before you get job.

By my experience and observation over years, your chance of getting job by MERIT in an IOC is 95%, private Nigerian company 70% (there is still merit in even Nigerian coys despite the exaggerated pessimistic mentality among Nigerians). Public sector is the one I can say is less than 50%.

davidylan: My bros na you biko. My people here are busy quoting bible. Make i quote my own bible for them - 2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

temi777: @op I live in the UK. I came in my early twenties so I guess I dont have the same experience as your husband but my dear I think your husband has been
taking it too easy. I know a woman who only did cleaning for like 10 years, bought two houses in UK and 1 in Naija, with nearly 10 years of the mortgage now paid. Even if your husband is doing early morning cleaning self he will make far more than £400 net a week. I wont call him lazy but id say he is too laid back. He is 40+, so what I know 50+ that are changing careers, cant he do PGCE for one year and go and teach.
I earn £350 a day but I still have a minicab licence and I have PGCE so I am also licenced to teach because I know you never know in life.
He should get off his ass madam, learn plumbing or hairdressing. I pay my barber £10 for less than 30 minutes job and the guy is always blasting music, chatting and enjoying himself while working which is like fun self, sometimes even me that is IT guy I envy him. if your man is that good with his hands, even minicabbing will give him more than £400-£500 a week and free up more money you are using for childcare and transportation cost. that is easily an extra £500 or more a month as it is very flexible or even he can drive London bus. My dear your husband im afraid is lazy. Even when I was a student I earned more than £200 a week so he is making excuses.
haba! cant he do minicab by night and estate agent etc by day? incredible!
To say that he is proud is laughable. what is more humiliating than being broke? abeg owo igbe kii run. People will respect you in UK or Naija if you drive a brand new car(meant to say if you have your money) regardless how you made it. Naijas with fake pride, let him not ruin your children's future jare. if he even becomes a full west end taxi driver he is guaranteed £50000 a year which government cannot monitor. o ga o.
He should be too proud for £200 a week and besides stores jobs are for students/newcomers, they can never sustain a family