₦airaland Forum

Terra Kulture, MUSON and a few. other places in Lagos all put on. shows. MUSON also puts on Christmas classical music shows.

Then there are also other programs such as the Salsa dance party, Christmas shows and the likes this December.

glossy6:
That is what am saying, if my kids do the chores, it's not child labour but if she does it in another person's house it is child labour.. If she does it in their house it is normal but in another person's house then it's child labour. Well taken and understood.

Yes, that is exactly the truth.

There is a difference and it is child labour because YOU ARE NOT HER MOTHER. I'm not shouting at you, I'm trying to emphasise a point.

Your 12 year old helper is lying to you because she does not have the same. relationship you have with your kids, with you. She's not your kid. She has more to lose with you. She can work like Jacky under her parent's roof because there are no conditions attached to it; if she breaks a plate, there is fear of a beating but not fear of being deprived schooling and an education (which is what will happen if and when. you get tired of what she does that annoys you).

She's not your kid and no matter how much you cut it, she's nevr gonna be your kid and you cannot compare that to when you stayed in your brother's house. I stayed with my first cousins and I slept with one eye open, cautious and afraid because my every move elicited a response. Because they were strangers to me. Your child freely watches tv and thinks that she has time to do her chores. She's worried that if you catch her, she'll get yelled at, punished but at least she is guaranteed schooling till 24 years old. Your maid dare not watch tv because she's worried when. you catch her, you will bring up homework. and. chores. and. in your eyes will be a look that says "I will. destabilise you and send you home if. you keep. messing up".

Unless. you can confidently put up a picture where we all. cannot tell the difference between your maid and your daughter, then it will. always be Child Labour.

There was a. time. in our. society where you took. a child in and trained them. But that child was from your village. and the burden of work was. shared by different wives and. kids (not like now, where our families are. isolated). That time has passed.

If you really wanna help that child, send her. home and. hire. her mother. Her mum's wages will help train her and she can go to one uncle or aunts house. and feel a. bit more. free than. a. stranger's home. Just like you or some other poster did and turned out wonderfully.

Mums, I saw these baskets and I thought to get one for myself to use to store things like toys in one room (rather than a mess everywhere). They are N6, 000 apiece and big. Is anyone interested in one for themselves?

bee2bee:
@onegai can you remember the name of the store?

yup, Ikea. However, there are nicer stores which sell cribs for less than £100. They are not convertible but they are stunning. You'll have to Google them because I truly cannot remember the names.

bee2bee:
Thanks dear. I saw some wooden convertiible cot online too. Dont really know how strong they are. Am shipping through mallforafrica

I have a convertible cot which I like (but I got it in the U.K. though). It's strong.

bee2bee:
Good morning mamas,

Am a FTM and trying to shop for my baby. Please advise me. Does the baby really need a cot or can I buy this Graco play yard that has a sleeping bassinet.
2. For how long can the baby use an infant car seat? Please mamas I need your response cos I want to take advantage of the black friday deals on amazon next tmrw.

Well the cot will save your marriage and sanity, the Graco playard honestly not a lot of kids love it, I didn't buy mine because I asked 3 mums and their babies didn't really care for it. An infant car seat should last about till about 1 year. How are you planning on shipping through Amazon because I wanna buy some stuff?

Shndy and any other mama interested,

I buy my natural stuff from this guy, he's in Ogun state.

https://sheamapo./

jnrbayano:
You are going verbose over a very simple thing.

The crux of the matter is the foolish truck driver. Solve a problem from the root and not from the leaves.

Is there anywhere in the Op where he condemned the truck driver? Why isn't it all about earning human praises?

Think!

It is not the OP's job to critic the truck driver, that is what FRSC and LASTMA are there for. He helped his fellow drivers. The OP did his part to society.

If I eat in public and tidily dispose of my waste, it is not my job to start shouting at people on the street to do what I did. LAWMA and KAI should do so.

Rajosh:
you did a good job but you shouldn't have publicized it. the good Lord in heaven who sees in darkness would have rewarded you. you've already received your reward already from the numerous praises.

He publicized it so that others will learn and be inspired to act on it. Now somewhere else, someone will see a truck parked in darkness and stop to warn other drivers with a caution sign.

All because this OP showed and led by example

Age doesn't do anythimg for marriage, because. marriage is the great equaliser. I've seen 13 years age. difference fighting worse than than a couple where the woman is older than the man.

As per this situation, they had a lot of greviances and never learned how to settle them till it came to this.

what stupidity is this?

A 38 year old man started a relationship with a 14 year old girl (first foolishness).

The girl got pregnant at 15, had a baby and accidentally killed it (2nd foolishness).

Relationship continues and the girl (now 16) has anothe baby (3rd foolishness).

Only for her to foolishly. hand the child over to a stranger to carry and take both of them shopping and disappear on her

That baby should be given to a sensible couple to raise as there is no-one in this story capable of sound judgement.

oniadedoyin:
happy Sunday to all mama's out dre. Pls am a bit worried about my 3 month and 5 days old baby, his neck is nt yet strong to hold the head. Pls should i be worried or not?

Babies grow differently. Are you exercising him by doing Tummy Time? Put him on your chest and stomach and lean back and remove your hands and sing to. encourage him to look up. Or put him on a gym mat and use the small curved pillow it comes with to support under his arms and shoulders and clap and make encouraging sounds to get him to look up. Each exercise should not be more than 5 minutes a few times a day.

Eketem:
Infact a "wise" woman will be there to massage the husbands waist while he is making love to his babe on their bed, we don't want almighty " scarce" husband dislocating his waist.

Hashtag this or it will not count as an entry into the sweepstakes for best comment. This is a serious competition, prizes dey!

thorpido:
The woman is a script writer for Nollywood movies.

Either this or she really needs therapy. Abeg let's start this!

#AWiseWoman will smile agreeable and excuse herself from her marital bed when hubby comes home with a side chic

#AWiseWoman sends all her husband's Gfs Christmas gift for a job well done.

#AWiseWoman not only packs a condom for her husband on trips, she calls the hotel he's staying ahead of time to ensure they've lined up pretty ashawos for him.

MumFiyin:
Okay, I will try that.

Thank you plenty. May God bless you and urs.


@Onegai, I am still waiting pls.

Oya! Let's go there!

Baby E started refusing formula at around 3+ months and I let her (thinking she was just being playful). it then became permanent. We tried different teats (shey you know bottles have different sized holes for each age) and she refused it. We bought softer bottles and she drank a bit and played a lot. We changed formulas, nothing. But guess what? SHE DRINKS FROM A CUP AND FROM A SPOON.

Some babies wean themselves off bottles and nobody knows why but it just happens. So put it in a cup and see if she will accept it. its actually common and whilst most eventually go back to the bottle (just keep putting it in their mouth they may eventually accept it). If you have tried Medium flow teats on her bottle and she refused it, try a cup.

And please don't introduce cereal yet. I have (rolls drum) 3 consultant paediatrician (who used to lecture in LUTH sef, one is one of leading authorities on malaria in children in Africa), plenty other doctors and Baby E's own paed and they all REFUSED TO ALLOW ME GIVE HER CEREAL TILL 6 MONTHS. and for the 1st year of life, most baby nutrition should come from milk. Ask your paed. But you have the final say in what you decide is best for your pikin.

Peace out...

(yes I went to a wedding and drank small )

damiso:
Why is there an inference on this thread that stay at home mum equals home schooling?

Few children are home schooled.

Onegai's point was more about the fact that a stay at home mum has more disposable time to impart further knowledge that might not be covered extensively one on one in the school curricula.There is only a percentage of stay at home parents who actually home school their children.

Not too sure about home schooling though because I feel education is not just academics but also preparing children on how to interact with others/social skills etc etc .funny enough was going to start a thread on the issue of home schooling just never came round to it. I belong to a parent and teacher educational page on FB where someone posed the question but he was talking more of hiring actual qualified teachers on a salary that would more or less be the same costs that you would pay in most Naija private schools.His argument was at Least the child would be getting one on one tutoring. I thought it was an interesting idea and something that had existed in aristocratic England i.e hiring governesses.


Like I said I have always been of the opinion that the constant comparison is not necessary. I feel both sets have different challenges and none actually have it easy especially for those who have their children as their utmost priority. I would know cos I have been both.

And contrary to what is touted on NL, I was actually more tired on some days when k was home than now when I work full time. Get tif of the stereotype not all stay at home moms spend all their day gossiping and getting fat.

Thank you. I'm not saying stay home and teach your kids. And like you, I am MORE exhausted staying home with Baby E daily (there is no boss on earth as absorbed and demanding as a baby. No-one is THAT cray-cray )

Hmm, I'm intrigued by the idea of hiring qualified teachers and home-schooling. Because for all the millions spent on school fees in this Nigeria, more than half of them are not the top performers compared to their peers when Nigeria is being judged on the International market (chances are an ex-FGC schoolkid will outperform the almighty Corona schoolkid).

MumFiyin:
Thanks for your response ma'am. Can i start giving him cereal @ 3.5months? I tried pap once and he pooped immediately he finished and d poo was watery and sticky so i stopped giving him.

Please don't o! Too young for semi-solids. Baby E's going through the same thing right now. I'll tell you what we've been doing in a bit.

dake40:
So you think an average Nigerian father of 5 with the salary income of 40K below will happily award his wife a Stay at home certificate?......

A Nigerian Father with 5 kids and a salary of N40, 000 doesn't need a Stay at Home wife... HE NEEDS CLASSES IN FAMILY PLANNING

shiorrr. Be digging the grave of poverty and looking for who to blame when you end up in it.

Theflint1:
Ma, I have the money to bid. Can you point me to a market where I can get someone with exactly your specs that is currently on sale? . You would get an agent fee of €1,000,000 for the effort. PM me if you are interested

The problem is that, if you met a girl with those specs, she probably won't act like a typical Nigerian girl: she may not kneel down to greet your mum, dish your every meal, she may want to speak her mind and have a say in the marriage. She won't attend mid-week fellowship and throw herself at a pastor's feet. She won't read Linda Ikeji but want to watch CNN with you. She may tell you she's still learning how to pound yam, will you manage that her draw soup is a work-in-progress (but it will improve because cooking decently is actually not hard), she may expect compliments and "thank yous" when she clears your plate after meals. She may be heartbroken the day you tell her "this is MY house, so shut up and obey me" because she thought you understood her contribution as a SAHM was equal to your paychecks.

Are you willing to sacrifice some Naija traits for some other things?

rolled:
So what happens if bread winner passes on?
What about finances?Do stay at home just keep asking for tampons all year long?
I cant be financially dependent on my hubby oh

Let me give you 2 real-life examples:

A Nigerian lady abroad was a SAHM to 3 kids and had an abusive husband. She kept her head down till her kids were 6/7, then steadily started taking sewing classes (she's always loved sewing) and also began tutoring after-class lessons. When she asked her hubby for a divorce, he mocked her to her face that she couldn't eat without his help so she should shut up before he slaps her. She filed for divorce and he refused to bring upkeep money for his kids (hoping to starve her back to submission). Do you know that lady works with big time decorators abroad, sewing curtains and furnishings? She paid for a full tour of the US for her and her kids (not a penny from her hubby). Now he's begging everyone to please beg her to reconcile.

2nd lady was SaHM with an obsessive personality in her boredom she could organise even the nylon bag holder and started keeping beautiful accounts of the household finances. She went so far as to take accounting courses (just to keep household finances). She got so good at managing it, her hubby gisted neighbours and they started coming to her for help. She sorts out their bills and gives them financial investment advice that is catered to small incomes (if you want to invest N50, 000 in Nigeria, you won't get professional help because they are only looking to help millionaires). She's so freaking good at it, she's helped families back on their feet.

If either of those ladies work into a bank and ask for a loan to start a Small. Scale Enterprise, they will get it. If either of those 2 women meet an NGO supporting Women's Affairs, heck, they will get whatever they need.

One day, you will come home from your 9-5, plop in front of the tv and should you by chance stop at CNN or BBC on your. way to Telemundo or Zee World, you may see them bring interviewed on "Women in Business", "100 Women" or some other program showcasing women's achievements on a micro-scale. na dem your girls go dey watch to be inspired.

So what was that question about tampons again

Damiso is right, it's a white woman culture to keep busy (shame will catch you to spend time with them). Those SAHMs have started billion dollar cloth diaper industries, organic skin care lines, lifestyle blogs, home improvements blogs (just to name a few). Even in this Nigeria, some are doing beautifully.

Gaborone:
There is no accounting for taste, as such, I respect ladies' choice in this regard.

However, I must say that I've never been able to mentally digest how a woman can spend years, or even her entire married life stayiing at home. It simply leaves me wondering:

How do they get to do sufficient mental exercises? Don't they get nauseous from watching too much TV when hubby and children are out of the house? Would they feel satisfied if their young daughters who they're trying to give an education, told them they would never work after marriage? Didn't they have dreams outside marriage and parenting before getting married? Can't they at least get a part-time job or something, if they feel 8 – 5/6 is too long a time to spend outside the home?

Respect to all stay at home mums, but I still don't get the rationale behind it.

You're using a off mindset to measure them.

An unimaginative woman will be unimaginative anywhere, anytime. She will spend her working days working, gossiping and then come home to plop in front of the tv, snacking and watching Zed world and Telemundo. If she was a SAHM, she would do the same: market, schoolruns, cooking, gossiping, snacking and tv.

A talented lady, omo, she will thrive. My SaHM sister had a "No tv day" routine, where everyone in the house. will read some sort of book/periodical till bedtime. So she was better-read than most office ladies. I'm a SaHM currently and I work on projects, have started planning a business idea. Others will start a fitness routine that will blossom into. a. hobby, gardening (yes in Nigeria) will end up getting contracts, there. is. so much one can do with that time.

Nigerians are very unimaginative. So many women will take baking classes because it is in vogue or event decorating because they are at home and will now want to turn it to profit without thinking if it played to their strengths.. Everyone will now be looking to sell you birthday cake or do your wedding decor

Mindfulness:
Your parents did a great job. Respect! I dare say, however, that majority of parents can't do it. I am not all against home schooling. Many people around the world do it and are successful at it but from my experience, I loved school.



You are awesome.

The rest cracked me up.
Maybe it would have happened to me too if I didn't do psychology at school.


I like you.

I like you too!

But honestly, a formal education fits most people but isn't for everyone. I had a horrid time at school (kids bullied me for quoting Shakespeare in JS1 and called me weird, guys thought it was weird I was smart and used to tell me to "be quiet or you won't get married on time" and I rarely understood what teachers wanted, but would get it once I got home). I'm not planning on home-schooling my kids, I just want to be able to show them how sound waves work or explain certain scientific processes practically. And I need time to do that. And that time is what a parent should give their kids.

No-one in Nigeria has that time anymore. By the time you finish hustling, entering traffic and switching off your gen, you just want to shut your child up. My issue with the study cited is that yeah, working mums produce daughters who get to supervisory levels but so do SAHMs. It depends on the parent.

Mindfulness:
Did they also teach you math and science? Did you have the opportunity to conduct scientific experiments at home? Did they teach you how to play an instrument? Did they teach you how to paint? My point is that with the education I was blessed with, I still can't teach my children ALL subjects at a high level because I am not an expert on everything. I can neither successfully replace the benefits they will have from interacting with other kids. I can't teach them the social skills they will acquire when they interact with other kids. And they will miss on all the fun they could have when being at school together with their friends.

errmm I am a watercolourist-pastel painter artist who has done an exhibition, play piano and violin. As well as had an undergraduate degree in Engineering and one of the best scores in Literature. With multiple hobbies such as hiking, skiing, adventuring, travel and at some point inwas able to pick up the basics of French, Japanese and Korean (I've lost them sha). Didn't learn any of that in school. All my best experiments were done at home.

I'm yet to seen a. school in Nigeria that matches their school fees millions being paid. Museums and observatories are free to explore, please what textbook will catch up, which teacher (half of them here are teaching because of unemployment, the other half are teaching because their husband's want them to have a job that closes on time).

(omo reading that description please of me, I sound awesome! Why did I even get married sef to Baby E's father, I should have sold myself to the highest bidder!!! )

Kids will pick up social skills.

sheweezy:
If you use soap on his face, please stop it for now and watch, just use only water and don't rub anything on hos face at all. This appears on my baby's face anytime soap or even foam touches his face while bathing.

what type of soap caused that reaction? Was or all soaps? It may be a common ingredient in a of them and he may have sensitive skin.

Mindfulness:
For how long do you want to train your kids at home?
With all due respect, I don't think you can give your kids more than a good school.

Well, from my experience with a parent who was semi-retired when I was a child:

I could quote Shakespeare in iambic pentameter as a child, I knew about the stock exchange, knew a lot of History, read Jane Austen and all the classics including Homer's Iliad and could write formal, informal and all sorts of correspondence (my emails are beautiful till now ) and I wasn't even a teenager at this point. This was all because I had a educated parent with a lifelong thirst for learning who wasn't hampered by having to go to work and not have time for me. Here's the funny thing, I was an average student for all my brilliance because I was a bad test taker and our school system rewards the best test taker and crammer (every open book test i took, i nailed it). And my parent understood his curious and brilliant daughtr better than her teachers. My final year project, I got a supervisor whom even other lecturers were worried about, picked a topic that my defense board felt was too vast for an undergraduate project and nailed it to the point that I got an A, people were referred to my project and I can submit that project to governmental board for urban planning, because it was a practical project. But I had a 2. 2.

No school could give me the education my parent gave me. Or had that much patience. I was given a lifelong thirst for knowledge as a child.

I have a foreign friend who retired at 40 and spends his days with his son, learning. My nephews attend school with N1mil annual fee and can barely talk properly (because neither parent have time to reinforce whatever they learn). My other nephew and niece had a Stay at Home mum who was intelligent and tutored them and got admission into top-notch secondary schools in UK (to the point other mums had to beg her and offer pay for her to tutor their kids).

Everyone has their own opinion on these things.

There is nothing wrong with a Stay at Home Mother. I wanted to be one (because I know I can give my kids more education than they will get in school). However, the truth is that I have rarely seen a full-time Stay at Home Mums in Nigeria: all our women may leave their white-collar jobs to start families but quickly begin to run to start their own businesses. I think your kids are as motivated as you want them to be.

tchiwinnie:
Thanks for d info. So we shld watch out for d one written in English? Do u kno d name of d company dat imports it?

I don't o.

For all mama's on this Sebamed issue, I just asked a Clinical dermatologist and he said Sebamed is imported legally into the country by only one company and always has a NAFDAC number. So Sebamed with Arabic on it may be sourced from other sources and it is upto the parent to decide which they want to buy, he personally recommends his patients buy Sebamed from reputable pharmacies.

kendlez:
Jst took a picture of the rashes ii talked abt and tot to share.
Cc:

Dermatologist just replied, he said take baby to the hospital and is baby acting strange (stomach upset, fever etc). But he said go to a paediatrician asap

kendlez:
Jst took a picture of the rashes ii talked abt and tot to share.
Cc: Onegai

stop everything you are putting on the baby! Just clean baby down with warm water and oil with olive oil for now. Even to change diapers. Please make sure you take baby to his paed and I'll try and see if I can ask. a dermatologist tomorrow to tell us what to do (I hope he answers me).

How old is baby and how long have rashes been?

Pele. That looks bad.

Totfulguy, if you keep making posts like these, one of 3 things will happen:

1. awon NL association of male wailers will. start saying you are a lesbian or a female posting under a man's moniker

2. awon NL association of male wailers will ignore you and pretend as if you don't exist, because you are daring to say that women should be treated decently

3. some young men and women will learn.

I'm glad you're a traditional guy saying this. I believe a man and woman should do their best to support each other. There is actually no shame in being a Stay at Home Wife, your contributions truly surpass finances. If you make a good selection of a spouse, you won't be scared to tell him how much you earn, you won't be afraid to put joint properties and accounts in her name.

Eketem, I think what Totfulguy is saying is "Men, you cannot eat your cake and have it". Both of you are saying the same thing actually: you are saying women should contribute financially to the marriage so they have a greater say in decision-making and he is saying men shouldn't expect women to forcefully contribute to the marriage yet expect them to stay in their traditional subjugated roles.

Basically, if you want a wife who is financially sharing the burden with you (a traditional man's role), you should share in the responsibilities of caring for the home via chores and childcaren (a traditional woman's role). If you wanna play "the Man", you shouldn't be asking your wife for her money. If you want a husband that is open about his finances, you have to be open about yours and demand a stake in the marriage (why anybody who does not have mental issues will leave his inheritance to his brothers and leave his kids in penury baffles me. I have never seen any of those "loving and loyal" brothers take care of the children).

That thread, they kept asking the OP that now his wife has opened up and they were sharing finances, he should also share house chores. and child care. I don't know if he answered that question.