₦airaland Forum

@KINGwax: you created a problem and you're running away instead of fixing it. You're not fit to be any woman's husband, as marriage is filled with problems and the test of maturity is how you can handle it.

@OP: there's seems to be a personality clash btw you and your babe. She's used to being in control and doesn't have it and she's being cold to you (I assume being cold means not being loving and warm as a woman in love would) because she feels you're in control. Which is the right thing, you should be in loving control of the relationship.

So tell her "babe I love you and your wellbeing is important to me. However, I'm the man and the head of this relationship. Pls accept me being in charge and I will always value your input and opinions. I'm not trying to be domineering, but I have to take care of you." If she doesn't change and still feels that her being in charge is the best thing, well...

You can't measure sacrifice. To me and to several guys, I sacrificed for my ex. To my ex, I wasn't giving him what he wanted. He would go "this isn't working out", I would reply "I won't nag, you can have boys' nite out, I'll listen to your problems and support you, I'll help you with work". He still wasn't happy. His idea of sacrifice was bleeping, hot exciting bleeping and more excitement in the relationship. And he would be happy. Mine was caring, over-emotional caring and building something deeper. Too bad he misrepresented what he wanted from the get-go and then broke up with me. The problem isn't him, the problem was that I chose him.
It doesn't make all men bad and not worthy of respect, it just means that I'll be more careful with my choice and if he comes back, be sure to chop his money THEN break up with him

Men will sacrifice, but most will sacrifice for the wrong girls, like how women sacrifice for the wrong guys, then we carry our bruises to face the right person and in trying so hard to protect ourselves, we hurt the right person. I still stand by being submissive, but it's upto you to decide who deserves that submission, because there is NO need in this world to meet someone who's on your side and you're too busy trying to prove a point of "respect me, respect me".

If we knew the answer to this, we would be rich. Some men value experience in a woman, I have a male friend of 27 who is looking for a girl who's eyes have opened, so nothing will dazzle her, as he feels those types of girls are stronger. I know some guys who don't like women who have seen too much of life. It depends on the guy. But I've seen that experienced girls know how to handle men well. And younger guys value bleeping qualities in their wives and the ability to keep things exciting. Men with old-people mindset seem to value a stay at home chick more.

ypzilanti: Way to go, Sister.

Most men learn how women think from a young age. It's a survival tactic we adopt in order to get laid.

Men that are most successful with women have mastered their needs, insecurities and desires.

Most women on the other hand, have no clue whatsoever about the mind process of a man. This is because at their peak, they really dont need to impress men with any substance to get suitors.

It's all well and good to be 'assertive' and combative when you are a young sexy gal. Men will do anything to get into your pants.

When most men are seeking a serious relationship, however, they don't want all that drama. At that point, most men start looking out for substance over beauty and sexiness.

With her attitude, the poster of the topic should brace herself for singleness...Men will sample the produce and run after the first altercation.

Its not about pretending to respect a guy in order to 'con' him into marrying you. Its about finding a guy you actually love and RESPECT. There are a lot of accomplished and well behaved men out there that you can defer to. If you can't find one...remain single and save yourself the stress. As an accomplished woman you are not under all men, but you are under the man we choose to be in a relationship with...thats the difference these so called feminists do not get.

Let me be go methaphorical here: You've already set pride aside to give him 'your most prized possession' ...which other right are you dragging with him?

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Find a good man and respect him.

@ mrs. Chima: thanks for your comment about why guys are agreeing with me, because they want my email. Sadly your method of attracting a man or husband are not mine.

To all: worship means something different to everyone. As I have said earlier, I meant worship in the form of submission. Yes, I know we're all christians (sigh) and some of you love Jesus waaayyyy more than I do (sigh) and are convinced Jesus loves them morrreee than He loves anyone else (sigh). The fact remains: a soft answer will always turn away wrath. I never said worship your man more than God and if you think from all I've said that's what I meant, then pls don't use the internet. Love him as the church loves and obeys Christ and he will be as Christ in your life: protect, love, and be willing to do anything to keep you safe.

And for anyone saying "oh the men in the past were different from men now", no actually. Talk to your mums and dads, the stunts they pulled are the same you have to live through. God is not asking you to live your life based on how others are living it, so that's no excuse to misbehave, because guys nowadays aren't "worth it". Wives, submit to your husbands...it don't get clearer than that.

So, let's sit down and use our minds: in fact, I will give us all JAMB question to answer. My assertive mum complains about things I do, good or bad, from "you stay in your room too much" to "you come home too late". Now, me having spent years demanding my respect and trying to gain it by all means necessary, was given a strange piece of advice by another woman. That advice?

"You better calm down, as if you can't live with your mum, don't bother getting married."

So I tried a different tactic. When she nagged, I was silent. Eventually something strange happened: I listened to her, and she stopped complaining so much.
Ques: what changed? My words or my actions?

If I'm chatty and people are complaining, that means I talk a lot. If men say they don't like assertive women, they mean your behaviour has gone past speaking up for yourself to being downright unpleasant. If you notice people love your fiery bold nature, but can't confide in you, ask yourself why. I have 2 assertive older sisters, one is the matriach of our family, the other everyone watches what they say to her and keep off. One can be strong (she's our rock), submissive and controlled, the other sounds like a lot of girls on this thread, and she's in her 40s and single. She wants her way, she's independent and doesn't take poo.

You will always have problems in your marriage, some will be fixable, others avoidable. I am yet to hear any guy who cheated on his wife because she was submissive or looked hot or cooked well or bleeped excitedly. My bro's gf is Ishan (pls understand what that means) and he's marrying her because he can handle her. Not because she's assertive and smart. If that was the case, he had a million choices.

As for guys agreeing with me, ask yourself this: if you're complaining that everytime you go to see your yoruba in-laws and he/she demands you kneel and greet, and your non-yoruba friends go "don't mind them" and your yoruba friends go "that's just the way we are, obey", whom would you listen to? Do you want to get married and STAY married to a man, or do you want to hang out with your friends, who will ditch you once they get settled?

Btw, we are 99 percent sure there's another girl. I've seen the messages they exchanged, my girl was offering apologies and saying "I love you" to the end, he was like "let's just calm down" or making accusations. She didn't cheat, or do anything crazy. He just said she was being over-emotional (after ignoring her for days and she reacts) and he can't cope with that and she's difficult (after he made a plan to meet her somewhere, forgot to tell her he couldn't make it and then when she said she was already there waiting, got pissed). Every guy we've asked is sure there's another chick, or he's insane. They've told her to work on herself and that give the goat 3 months, he'll be back begging. She's determined to move on and give no second chances.
Men certainly do not like nice girls.

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bukatyne: d first question should be who is an assertive woman? most people mistake assertive for aggressive. most times people amaze me: when they hear a woman that knows her left from her right, they say she is rude, she ll be proud etc just as when a lady says she's equal to a guy, she is seen as rude, unmarriageable (like marriage is the ultimate) etc. been rude or proud is totally different from been assertive. as a christian (male or female), when u have d fruits of d Spirit, u ll be kind, patient, loving, faithful, hopeful, longsuffering, tolerant, have self control and peaceful. so been rude is not been assertive, it is been rude. @onegai: out of al d women u mentioned, it's jezebel that was odd and not because she was assertive but she was evil, an idol worshipper etc. check out the profile of a noble wife prov 31:10 - 31. n ur dad had no excuse to cheat on ur mom. God expects everybody to play their part if d other one does or not. we have a lot of women in the Bible who knew wat they wanted n did it however, they were not rude. @bennyraz: i don't know wat to say, i just wonder if it were ur friend's gf that was loose, if ur friend ll go that far. someone was usin d comparism of Jesus Christ n d Church. let me ask u: ow many men love their wives d way Jesus Christ loves His Church? u don't worship ur husband, u submit to him. it is only God alone that deserves our worship. sorry for d epistle! have a splendid day!

If you're waiting for your man to love you as Christ loved the church, better leave him it's easier to change yourself than change him. See Vashti and Esther: the same King made unreasonable demands, which woman got him to do what she wanted?? Who was more successful, Madam dont-try-my-beauty-and-order-me-around-in-front-of-your-friends or Mrs Darling-your-wish-is-my-command?? When you love him stupidly, he will act like a fool to please you. TRUST ME! There's a time to stand your ground and 80 percent of the time, is NOT the right time.
Mehn I don tire talk

Here's what you guys are missing: worship the way I meant was total submission. Not the submission most women practise, which is to submit till the ring is on her finger. Most assertive ladies will not tell you they're assertive, they'll simply show it. And still, they submit. Jezebel joined her husband equally in everything he did, she wasn't content to sit on the sidelines. No one has a right to cheat on anyone, but if it happens, do you vex, do you walk out or do you fix things? That's what separates kids from adults, the ability not to run away when the going gets tough: about my mum and dad. Declare over and over again: "I demand my respect, my husband WILL NOT TRY me and I'll accept it". Great. Let me know when you get married if that's the reality.
I'm the youngest of people in their 40s, and I've seen marriage up close. When life is about starting afresh with kids, and the loneliness and struggles of being a single parent, submission gets DARN easy. The only thing to do is choose well who you marry.
One of my sisters is assertive, everyone loves and respects her, she's married and has her problems. The other is assertive-aggressive and 37, and single and people avoid her. The best marriage in my family goes to the calm, nice sister, who's husband is even younger than her. Make what you will of that.
There's nothing wrong with assertive, but when people react badly to your assertiveness, it's because you're being aggressive or having attitude.

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cowgurl: Now u'v js raised deir 'ego' a notch. For moi, 'l worship a guy hu deserves 2 b worshipped not an arsehole. It's y am into talkin wit d guy first so WE both can mak compromises b4 we begin. Let's bring our principles (cos 'v gat myn) 2 d table n talk abot it lik matured minds n blif me wen dis is done, d relationship is heavenly 4 both. It's been workin 4 moi thus far.

We're saying the same thing. A guy asked you out and you agreed. Basically, your agreement said "yes, I believe you are worth a relationship with me" so unless you like dating arseholes, I assume you wouldn't pick one. So treat said-bf as if he deserves respect. Until otherwise proven and then you can leave. My boss told me the diff btw a wife and a gf: when you piss both off, the wife tries to work on things, the gf says "this ain't working out, see ya!". Then she looks confused when said man marries the NEXT chick he sees, then writes off the whole situation as "desperate to marry". Nope, it's your ability to endure and be loyal. His male friends, when they fight, walk away. So he doesn't marry his male friends. Whether you like it or not, we are created the way we are. Marriage is a lifetime, it gets easier to submit than fight for your right. Take it from someone whose mum was a beauty queen with a temper and still had a cheating husband (and none of his babes were as fine as my mum). It was when she kept quiet, prettied herself up and played Scrabble with him, my father started staying home. There's got to be a reason every guy on this thread is agreeing with me. Love, this is how the world works. I used to want to change it, then I realised I achieved more by changing myself. Be strong, don't be aggressive. The definition of a Lady doesn't have assertive in it, because in trying to be an I-don't-take-crap girl, you end up being aggressive and one of the boys. Then all the guys respect you, and marry other girls. But hey, you still got your respect, innit?

Metalgoong: I cant believe that this was written by an educated woman of this era . . . Your husband is one of the luckiest men on earth!!

Hahaha, but I'm actually not married. My ex wants to enjoy his ego and put our relationship on a break. Guys like aggressive girls, they then wonder why she can't submit later. Guys see nice girls and go "nah, too nice"

Btw men, if you want a submissive chick, be responsible. Because for good girls, once you're done playing her (because she puts up with your crap) then you decide to come back, she'll realise what you really were and move on. You'll now show up 3 months later, begging and begging. So put your ego down, and embrace that girl who is crazy about you and is a nice girl, now is not the time for you to start forming Big Boi, na God bless you with that chick, you didn't get her with your wallet, charm or good looks (nice girls don't care abt those things), so be grateful and humble.

My love, I'm gonna hazard a guess at your age. About 25 or a little above or below. You sound like me at that age.
I see from your signature you're a christian. Now let me refer you to the bible. Go point out all the assertive ladies in there, let me know how it worked out for them. I'll wait (pours myself a drink of OJ).

See the difference btw Jezebel, Esther, Bathsheba, Mary and Deborah? Both strong,but one was calm, and the other didn't take shit and was equal to her man in screwing up. Guess who suffered? The bible says "Men, love your wives as Christ loves the church". So your man is meant to cover and protect you. So what does the church do? It worships Christ. Ergo, you're meant to worship your man. The church does not say "'xcuse Jesus, I don't like what you just said or did so I'm not gonna follow" and sit down glaring at him. So what's the shi.t about "I won't take crap, get to stepping if you piss me off, I am Woman hear me roarrrrr!!"?
A strong woman, does not need to be like what you described to be strong. I know a lot of strong, i-dont-take-crap girls. They declare their strength, then go to the kitchen, dish their man's food, serve him and prefix every sentence to him with "darling". They're submissive. If they couldn't be, they'd be single. To quote a white, aethist relationship coach (so you know that ALL men are alike) "men have to be strong in front of their friends and the world and it gets exhausting. They don't want to marry and keep fighting for strength at home. So it's great that you have a Ph.d, speak 4 languages and climbed Mt. Everest, if you don't make him feel like a man, he won't care about that and marry you."
What men want is for you to be emotionally stable and strong, in case they're not home, to hold down the fort, but when they show up, baby, get on your knees.

Very true, as a female, I'm even guilty of this. There's this guy on my case, at first I wasn't interested, then tried (but got nothing out of it and no money was spent). We drifted (he's very neurotic) and he came back. Already, he's come up with an offer to help me get a job, but complains that I don't talk to him a lot. I'm not into him. We have the same neurotic tendency, so watching him made me understand why guys had run from me in the past. If you must be nice to anyone, be nice just because. Not expecting her/him to like you.

Yorisb: *Runs off to contact EFCC*

) relax, he's in customs, but so many of his friends are 419 and the way he spends money, well I refuse to believe he doesn't get a cut. I am trying to reform him

Also put up his pic on your bb or fb, someone is bound to recognise him. That's how a friend caught her bf getting married in Nigeria when he told her he went up northern England for a friend's wedding. And my sis did the church one: a fellow church worker quickly told her the guy was married and had a family, but he didn't like his wife so was looking for another. Worse, his mum was supporting him and would call my sis as potential wifey

Careful: my co-worker's husband took down their wedding albums when he brought a girl home and maintained another in a flat and left his stuff there for authenticity. Fb used to be a great way to catch them, so do the "darling, I'm downstairs in your office" surprise visit (someone will tell his wife) or casually ask him what church he attends normally. Then show up for service and make sure you greet him publicly and affectionately. His behavior will tell. The last married man who chased me last week didn't bother hiding his status, because he met me in my 419 cousin's office n assumed I was a runz babe. Everytime he said hello, I'd ask abt his family and when he said we should watch a movie together, I said I'd only go if it was a family outing. He would then tell me to stop being silly. All while putting "I love the Lord" as status update on bb. I deleted his pin

Acting desperate with my bf. Unfortunately I have a passionate nature, so I'm emotional. I'm learming to stay calm and mature by God's grace.

OP, wait, let me give you advise. When you move away from her, be very smart. Don't bounce her, then start using her to feed your ego (you're a man, you know how you guys do this). My friend did this to his ex, he would now be sexting with her and telling me "she still wants me". Till the day she got herself a bf (she was working on it whilst playing with him). Oh sure, he wishes her luck and says he doesn't want her back, but how strange, every girl he toasts now see he's a short, not fine igbo guy with no car, and see the babes all forming busy . And his ex, fine like a beauty queen. These girls usually don't have the best self-esteem, your job (should you choose to accept this mission ) is to build her. You will have her undying loyalty forever. So when you tell her to back off, don't avoid her or be waiting for her to send you mssgs first and use her to stroke your ego. Every guy I see in this situation does this and they always lose the chick, when they decide they want her back. Act like her bobo, but still be on a break. So send her mssges, call, just that if she brings up relationship, say no. But ACT like her bobo, let her confide in you, wake up and go visit her, carry your friends. She'll get pissed and start the no contact rule. Then go see her, and tell her she's a work in progress, she's clay and you're the Master potter. Be a man, own this babe. I am exactly like her and I promise you ALL I want from a guy is for him to own me, say Onegai is my territory, to smile at her 2ce is to swim in shark-infested waters. Touch not my Onegai. That's all these kind of girls want. You, nothing more.

Unless you don't like her, cool. Free her instanta.

Yes and yes, this is absolutely normal. What you have to do is play along. If she's faking it, she'll mess up, if after 6 months, she still dey craze for you, congrats. This is how I fall in love, and my guy ran. My male friends' too, their babes did this, and they all ran. FOR SOME STRANGE REASON, , they have been unable to meet girls after who love them like this. Na dem mess up, because most guys aren't used to sweetness like this. So, if you like her, even if the like is small, hold on and watch her. She's probably naive and not in control of her feelings. Your job as a MAN (not a goat like most guys out there) is to guide her, so tell her to calm down, move away and keep in contact with her. Because all she's hearing now are her emotions. Once she calms down, you can then see what she is. But, you're gonna enjoy her sha There have only been 2 guys I loved like this, and the first one is still chasing me 7 years after we broke up. Heck, his friends are trying to get me back for him.

Dear poster,

Gosh, humans are cruel, aren't they? Reading this thread has convinced how I can never trust anyone whom I meet with a smile or whom says he/she's a church person. Because all of them will then go onto form threads complaining how they are good and deserve the best and where are all the good girls/good boys, wah wah wah...

Okay, deep breathes first.

28 is pushing it and the pressure's getting to you. Yes, a lot of guys don't want to marry that age. But you don't want those guys. Trust me. Every man I've met over 35 swears his choices would be so much different if he had waited. They also have sense. So any guy you meet now, don't immediately tell him "I wan get married, are you down?" then bounce him. Just be yourself, but be firm. Men are selfish. They will say anything to get what they want, and they'll do anything once they have and want to move on. I'm going through that now (yes, some immature fool is gonna call me you were chasing his money). Walai, the reason the divorce rate is rising is both male and female. We've changed so dramatically. Over 70% will not have good marriages. So what can you do?

Work on you, use this time to become a better person. Ignore your age, my sis held onto one mugu yoruba boy who wouldn't let her go (though he knew his parents didn't like her non-yorubaness and non-muslimness). She got some sense at 30, walked out and met an Ekiti man younger than her. 3 kids, and her marriage is better than my other sisters.

It's not how fast, it's how well.You are a better parent in your older years. Look around, most people are a result of immature parenting. I am yet to see anyone below the age of 25 whom I don't immediately wish will leave me alone permanently. 26-28 nowadays is even worse. And sadly, I started playing their games with them. I'm in your same boat. Relax, there are still men out there. Just don't show them the desperation. They will run.

My ex pursued me like mad, nothing he didn't do to get me. After we started dating, and I stupidly went to bed with him, he noticed how emotional I was and how he couldn't stand it. So he's run off again. I'm a few months older than him. Now, I've just seen the light. When every guy I relate my story to, laughs and bets how quickly he'll be back (2-3 months) because I'm a wife material, all I have to do is sit tight. And say "NO" when he comes back. Because he's not ready for marriage. Oh, we could get married, but mehnnnn I will suffer.

OP, you're at the perfect age. Trust me. You're on nairaland, listening to bad people gleefully pull you down because they have nothing better to do. So get off it. Go work on yourself and watch how God will send him waltzing into your arms.

opcomm1: Hello,

I am Nigerian but I am now beginning to hate Nigerian girls. Maybe the ones here in Canada. They are so full of shit. They are all full of big shit and leave you heartbroken.

I am never, ever going to date a Nigerian girl anymore. All my ex-girlfriend's female friends are cheaters. Spreading their legs wide open to any dick that portrays any level of seduction.

Please, guys, before it's too late, stay away from these so called Nigerian girls. They are heart breakers and dont even know the meaning of love.

Happened three times now, time for me to become a player.

Feels so good to be single again even if my heart hurts. (*sobs*)

Dearest, I feel you, but my heart got broken by the King of Male Ashawo in Christ Embassy, Toronto (to think I used my fuel to drive there too). So, it's mutual. Share your story, grab a beer and pour it out to Auntie Onegai...

Leave the first guy alone. There is a demon possessing our men: when a girl genuinely loves them, they begin to hate her, no reason required. They now chase girls who are bad to them. Anyone who saw you and did not appreciate you the first time, will never appreciate you, that's the cold reality. Even if you marry. So don't rush and marry, but delete the first guy. He can carry his regret and lay it at the feet of Heaven, and leave you in peace.
Why do people never appreciate the good they have till it's left their lives, I dunno.

Ooh, this is a big one. I believe in spiritual and physical solutions. So, commit to prayer, but don't start running from church to church. Find a reputable person of spiritual strength (mine isn't a pastor, as I don't trust most pastors) and ask for help and counselling. She had an abortion, that's a big no-no. So ask for forgiveness for that. Then, stop the tests. Both of you relax. Pregnancy is a mental thing too, if the body is stressed, it misbehaves (I have 3 doctors in my family and I hear them give this advise to women). My bestie's mum waited 13 years in marriage, then had 3 kids without any help immediately after, my other friend's mum 10years. It was when she left her stressful marriage she got pregnant 4times. So relax, stop trying for a baby, just make love for love's sake. Also, look into adoption. My other bestie and her sis are adopted, the way they love their mum, youl can't tell and yes, they know their biological mum. A parent is the person who raised a child, not the person who birthed the child. My prayers are with you.

dorben: As am ready this story am sharing tears.am married and i have a handson son.but suddenly my husband change toward me and i can remeber pple calling us best couple in our area,my husband can not go out without me and he is fond of holding my hands weneva we are working togerther.but everything change on valantine day wen a saw i text on his phone and he said is not dating the girl, dat is just a text msg.this particular girl cal him like 5 to 6 times a day,and i was with his phone one morning while he was driving and i text msg enter(DRIVE SAFE,I WILL MISS U AND I LOVE U SO MUCH)this was the content of the text i cried and my husband pleaded and still say the same thing that he is not dating the girl.one funny thing is dat sometime he sleeps outside i mean he does,n't come home till the next day and wen i ask he will tel me is not my business.as am writing this,am sick pls i need ur advice just to be stong.it pains me dat am igbo and he is igala

I'm going to be harsh here. Forgive me.
You have given up, pack your bags and gerrout of that house. Leave your child behind.
There, did that piss you off enough for you to sit up? Have you stopped crying because you're angry? Good.
How dare you be pained because you're from different tribes?? When you married, didn't you realise that? Where you stupid? Why are you being stupid now? Is there something in any culture which states that Igarra people cheat? I study Nigerian cultures, they're all the same, they all did polygamy. Do you want to meet my cousin's igbo husband, who hits on me and other girls in front of the family?
Has your eye cleared yet?
You are not a woman. A woman takes care of her business. Leave that girl alone, you can only control what is yours, so face your hubby. Begin with prayer, God is love ask Him for tips on how to love. Start being different. If you don't dress nice, start dressing nice. If you stay home a lot, now's the time to discover places. Wear a t-shirt and nothing more to bed. Watch a movie with him at home wearing nothing but your tshirt, if they make love in the movie, start rubbing you thighs together as if you're hot. If he notices, act shy! He will die. Bring him back home, then gently and lovingly tell him that you understand he has female friends, you just wished they were more careful with their words. Say you can't wait for them all to be your friends. Go and study the book of Esther.
Sorry I had to shout, but you were wallowing in misery and needed a shock. I'll say a quick prayer for you to get strength. All the best love

I just fell in love: I kept refusing to believe him, but he kept telling me he liked me and why was I being slow. So I trusted, and broke my vow of celibacy (he kept insisting on it). I even helped him get a contract, see me helping him look for apartment, advising him on how to get a contract from my firm. He started fighting over silly things, and talking to me anyhow. Now I've apologised over and over for the small argument we had (which was his fault, he got pissed at me for daring to show up to meet him somewhere without calling him first, even though he was the one who picked the time). Now I'm getting the silent treatment. To think I came here for advice and I was told he wasn't a player. I believe in true love, but not with a nigerian man. I'll wait for 190 or some idiot to tell me I chopped his money, so it's my fault. I didn't

Sit her down and tell her. You owe her that courtesy. Don't just stop calling and expecting her to move on like that. It's not fair, and more hurtful in the long run, because she'll think something is wrong with her and damage her self-esteem and it's just plain rude. Be a man, not a boy.

OP, 9 years is more than enough for him to study character, he can write a book on you sef and win Ph.D. Tell him you're leaving, if he cannot give you a concrete reason for no marriage, bounce. See, you don't need a lot of cash to settle down, if you're honest. It's kids, not marriage that is expensive.
And for the rest of you, na only 9 years. My mum's meeting women, 2 have their kids dating each other for 17 bleeding years! The guy still has not proposed, see the shame his mum uses to attend the meeting, while the girl's mum has given him ultimatum of August this year or get lost permanently.

Let me give you one example: one of the HOTR pastors last year march introduced me to his babe at night vigil. In september, he put up introduction pics on fb, the girl had changed. 6 months! Tell me he met his wife and the Lord gave him vision sharp sharp, or the honest truth, his babe was there until he saw something else he liked and bounced her once that one got serious.

My dear, this advice was given to me by men themselves and married women. To quote a guy "of course why you should you tell your girlfriend she should keep her options open because you are too, she should be smart enough not to keep her eggs in one basket". Is it not amazing how many people break up and in less than 6 months marry another? Do you think they just met that person? Besides when you focus on one guy, he will start to take you for granted and you will be emotionally invested in him and guys don't like that (let them be honest and tell you the nos of girls they've dumped because she was too emotional). Decide what you want.

ferhyntorlah: Please tell your friend to STOP and I mean STOP calling/texting the guy. IMO, the guy does not value her. Why will a girl keep apologising and the guy keeps ignoring her? Is it not a sign that there is something not right somewhere. If she decides to marry him, he will continue this way and this will affect her self worth and mind rest.

Tell her to see this as a time for keep away from the guy and hang out with the one who has a crush on her. When she totally ignores her so called BF, his senses will come back.

Please tell her, never and I mean never to settle with a guy who does not respect and value her. Life is too short to disturb oneself for a man.

She ignored for a few days, then send a polite, "hope your day was good, goodnight", he replied with a smiley. So she's moving on. He doesn't really like her, he probably feels she was too easy to love him, so of course he shall find one chick out there who will give him hard time small, not invest in him and in his mind he will declare "this is love". Because when you're used to eating burnt soup, and you finally taste good cooking, it runs your stomach.