₦airaland Forum

Tell one of your female friends to borrow one fine gal in her class and use it to make fb profile. Comment on it and call her baby. Siddon relax.

Nothing wrong there. I've seen marriages like that work out beautifully too. Age is in the head. I know a guy who went through hell and back dating hot younger women. His wife is 5 yrs older and at 42, she's pregnant with their 2nd child. He's so happy and relaxed and successful. It's about whom you choose on the inside, not what the person is externally.

I'll give you the advice I wished I gave my sister and my best friend.
"People don't change unless they want to. So accept what you see now as the truth and if a man shows you himself, believe him"
My sis dated her hubby 7 years and has been married 13 yrs, my bestie dated her hubby 1 year and has been married 2yrs. Both cases like yours.
Both men are still cheating and dealing with their wives and sleeping well at night whilst their wives cry. How your fiance treats you is NOT because of you, it's because of his own issues and until he works on himself, not cry and beg, he WILL NOT change. I promise you that's the truth. So be praying to God to give you strength and wisdom to do the right thing. Remember, this is a man who dated another girl for 4 yrs while proposing to you, you think men and women can keep the same person as backup for so long without feelings, you think it was just sex that kept him there?! because my bestie's hubby did the same, and after marriage, he went back to that chick and that one bounced him, and he missed her, so he went onto to several more chicks. And he gave my bestie an STD (and she was a virgin when dem marry,but fear say she dey get old, so...). Be afraid for yourself and be wise.

My dear, please take it from me: you don't want to marry a guy who tests you over stupid things. One day you'll fail and he'll leave you happily, singing. Someone told me something "Be firm on good character, principles and trust, everything else compromise". A guy who's testing you doesn't trust you and you're gonna work darn hard to earn his trust and you may never get it and be hurt.

See, read everything guys write here on NL about women "money-hungry, cheating, brazilian-hair loving, dumps them for alhajis". You didn't do any of that, just a picture, which you apologised over and over for and he was willing to break up. Cool, but imagine if you were pregnant and he vexed like this for you and your BP went up. For nothing important. There are people doing awful things in relationships and the relationships continue, because they are both committed, yours almost ended over most likely cleavage showing (right?). Your guy has trust issues. Anybody who sets traps like this, is expecting you to fail and one day, you will. And they will go "see I talk am".

Tell him you need a break. Not breakup, but you need to know how committed he and you are to this relationship. He must never do this again. Unless you too wanna start setting traps for him and that's not a healthy rel.

MsDarkSkin: She forced him to perform oral s3x on her. He was a child.
If she hasn't and won't apologize and seek redemption, she is A LOW LIFE. End of story.

My dear, you are arguing with someone who is defending child molesters. Leave this animal alone. His children shall one day become unwilling sexual participants to much older people and he will come on NL to share rice for all of us in happiness. Abi?

First go and buy credit, then text/call all your friends that you're changing your no and they shouldn't give it out. Then call him, DO NOT GO AND SEE HIM and tell your ex-bf it is over. Throw your old no over a bridge, drop it in a public dustbin or gutter. Tell your neighbours the guy is disturbing you and beats you, so they can keep watch. Block him on fb or better yet, deactivate your fb account for 2 months. Save yourself, my dear.

When I was in pry sch, I was one of the smallest kids in class. And everytime I went to the bathroom, one of the biggest girls in my class followed me there to molest me.
I had potty-training problems almost till now. And I won't go into all the trauma I went through. So to all you morons hailing those sick, disgusting women who molested a little boy and saying he had erections, may your kids go thru the same fate and when you find out, be sure to congratulate your sons and daughters.
OP: you're very strong. And they cannot hurt you EVER again. Face her down, watch out because she may still be upto her old tricks with other kids, so advise them to stay away from her. If she dares intimidate you, promise her hell on earth. Don't start the fight, just watch her and be careful. Only react if she tries to start something.

embee3: Yeah right!!!! You say that to the guys that have not experience a woman's venom. I got my own share of being honest to a girl. Presently as I respond to this, she doesn't pick my calls or reply my messages anymore. In fact, she even went as far as removing me as a friend from all her social networks. So, that you prefer such honesty, doesn't mean another person wants it.

Okay, so you should have told her "I really like you and want a longterm thingie with you, infact marriage dey on the cards" when you just wanna bleep, shey? Then wonder why she went to Okija shrine with your name later after you lied to her. Tell the truth: my friends used to date guys casually (especially when they were younger), and they knew nothing was gonna happen because of tribe/religion/culture/distance/whatever. They still enjoyed the moment.

Dude, you're in Lust. Make it clear beyond a shadow of doubt to her "Hey, I'm not ready for a serious relationship, I swear I mean this (because we women will start wondering how to make you change your mind), so if you're down with something casual, I swear I mean casual, sure". Feel free to smile lotsa times while saying this. Guys assume women will kill them if they know the truth, then wonder why the babe got serious about them when they didn't make things very very clear in the beginning. Trust me, a lot of girls date casually too. She'll appreciate your honesty.

Fact: Men can pound their chests in public, but are babies at heart and hate apologising.
Fact: your bf was definitely runsing that chick you saw him with. That line about losing his phone is so stupid, you should write it somewhere as a joke.
Fact: he probably does like you.
Fact: you liked him too or it won't have hurt so much after the breakup.
One weird thing about guys, is how they act up (like we women do) once in a while. Then they encourage wahala, stop calling, break up or need a break (same as breakup). And they quickly try to fill the void of you with another chick and enjoyment, whilst you cry nightly. But he came back (most do) because he still likes you, but was going through his moment. However you got hurt and can't trust him not to hurt you again. So tell him calmly that. And leave it to him to prove to you that he deserves your trust again. Or leave him and start afresh. But don't bang that door shut in his face. Just say that and siddon look wetin he go do.

[quote author=Killz.][color=#000030]Yes, because the girl in question is you, or someone very close to you or you read the future to know that. . . [/color][/quote]It's not vex making me say that, it's the truth. I know a guy who went back to his ex 4 years later and they married. It takes a lot of patience and understanding to try and make it with an ex, which is why people go to new relationships (we're the EASY AS INDOMIE generation). Your ex is hurting in this situation and will lash out irrationally or wanna do stupid things to try hurt you and you have to keep going "I know why you're doing this, I'm sorry, I don't deserve you, let's work things out, nothing you do now will drive me away from you, I'm putting your needs first" patiently until she starts to trust you again. That takes maturity and a willingness to commit totally.
Does the OP sound like the most mature nig.ga you've met? Be honest.

@OP: can you do this for 8 months without hope of reconciliation? If you can, that means you've started to value her AS YOU SHOULD HAVE FROM THE GET-GO and it will work, if you give up by month 3(which is what happens normally), well......

OP, you're not going to get her back. And it will be your fault. I'm speaking from experience.

Immaturity has led you not to value her for 2 years and now you're scared of losing her, which is why you're doing this, and so quickly, instead of taking your time to understand why you were chasing other girls when you had a Queen. You'll end up still messing up. But the reason you're not getting her back is that you'll take the good advise given here and when she starts insisting on leaving still or is taking her time to make up her mind, you'll give up. My friend did this to his ex (a thoroughly nice girl) and even after I wasted my time advising him, he still gave up because in his words "I'm too numb to do anything". Or some daft excuse. It's the reason we're no longer friends he doesn't know that yet sha). A mature person will go after what they want and be patient, after all Yam doesn't grow in a month; and you don't sound too mature, so let her go be a blessing to a deserving man.

@DailyNews: Kanu married a 19-yr old, so yeah, he traded up. Tuface married the woman from his past after 5 other kids, so yeah, he played around THEN decided to marry the loyal woman. No word yet on that situation. Rohan Marley after almost 16 yrs and 6 kids, traded up for a 28 year old model from Lauryn Hill (and she's got to be richer than he, he has to share Bob Marley's money amongst how many brothers).And how do explain the numerous stories on this site from a lady which goes "I loved and supported his man for blah blah no of years/ 6 months I spent on him YET he still ran off and married a woman he met 2 months ago"??

Because the guy is a boy, not a man. Girls do the same, then they grow up and wish with all their hearts they could get him back. Immaturity affects all ages and races, m'dear. Only someone who doesn't know the value of tomatoes in market will waste it. When the boys get older (and experience gives them some maturity), they begin to look for women who love and trust them. The sad thing about life though is that as you get older, life seems uglier, so you become more cynical. And it's hard to be trusting and cynical at the same time. So you see couples getting married where the groom goes "it doesn't matter if I'm cheating, she's a good girl so I married only her" and the bride says "all men are dogs, but sha I married him as he had prospects and it was time for me to marry, plus he likes me more". At one time, each of them had someone who loved and trusted them completely, and they took it for granted.
I've seen too many of my friends do this, and I've done it too, and it has been done to me. That's why Men started saying this prayer "May I never use my wife as gf". My cousin did, and upon his big last name, he begged me to find him a wife, because he realised the gf he said loved him cheaply was the only one who loved him for himself, not money. He's willing to settle now, and he's 33. Go figure.

The beauty of Nigerian Men. Even the worst of them will tell you they deserve good women.

[quote author=OK/2/NV]what more do you need?
There isn't ever a good time to say it's over.
walk away now, knowing in future that you dumped that b@tch.
The heart is for courage and love but your mind is for reasoning.
Listen to your brain, it's telling you what is obvious.
I made the biggest mistake to give my ex the benefit of doubt.
The only thing I didn't get was to see her in bed with another Man.
She became sloppy and I got the fact and evidence I needed, but I still
foolishly loved her for the next 2mths thinking we could ever get back to where
we were in the beginning.
Since dumping her a55 she has been with no less than 5 guys in less than 2yrs and possibly
more in the background. I feel for her and I hate myself for loving such a confused person.
You don't need this shit. Believe it or not every a55hole you encounter in life is one short to that
right lady.
I know how you are feeling and the feeling of disappointment will never go away, it will only make you
stronger and wary of who you give your time, effort and heart to in future.
My ex's cheating on me made me reevaluate myself. I kicked myself for not able to satisfy her in whatever way.
I pondered on if I was man enough, was it money or was it that I never gave her the emotional care she
desired? But the truth is if she screwed up it can never be your fault.
It's like the way a parent feels when a child goes wrong.
Thinking if they did a good job in bringing up the child.
Why should another person's insecurities and infidelity affect you?
Let it go

My advice.

1. Don't respond to this thread
2. Don't talk to anyone near you about it (Relationships are like your dreams only you have passion for them, nobody else gives a phuck)
3. Breakup with her and you don't need to give her a reason for it. Let the b@tch sort that out for herself
4. Do not contact her after 3. Get a new phone, block her email from getting through (not spam tool), facebook, etc.
5. If you can't avoid physical contact because of proximity to work, or home or were you usually frequent in your free time then consider moving
6. She will get over you in less than 5days. So don't count on her thinking of you which leads me to
7. Since she doesn't give a rat a55 over you don't feel sorry for yourself.
8. In 2 weeks to 3 mths time you will begin to miss her badly. Obey 4 to the core. Since she did not contact you after a week or month no reason for
you to.
9. Date women, better looking and well placed ladies. Do not tell them of your recent breakup and don't think s@x will help you out. A good date is recommended were you get to really try to enjoy and know your date's personality for who she is.
10. Avoid clubs, alcohol. Only bad choices will come from this, since at first you will be enjoying your new sense of freedom. Got news for you, you were always free, she just restricted your view of the world.
11. Get a hobby

Don't respond to this thread anymore.
Let it go. The sooner, the better.[/quote]FOLLOW EVERYTHING TYPED ABOVE TO THE LETTER

frankgreat: my gf jst brokeup wiv me yestaday....am a guy of 25, am an IT professional, am wrkin wiv a gud IT firm, we av bin datin for less dan a yr nw..b4 we started dating she knew i ws an open guy, i luv sex nd romancing in relationshp..buh she tld me no sex if i really wanted her, so i agreed. lata in d relationshp, sumtys i ask 4 sex buh she turns me dwn nd i remember d prms i made nd i apologized...we av bin lik dis for less dan a yr( 5 mnths) i luved her so much nd i cared abt her lik av neva done wiv anyoda lady...buh all of a sudden her behavior changed? she tld me she dnt want to continue wiv anything romance in our relationshp nd i ws lik WOW!!! dats nt possible, we argued abt it, still avnt concluded yet b4 she sent me a txt...."baby am so sowie am doin dis, am nt treating u d way u r suppose to b treated, u deserve everytin a woman cn giv, buh am sowie i cnt do dat...its killing ma spiritual lyf, nd i want God in my life, i op u find a place in your hrt to forgive me lata in future, i still luv u so much....pls nairalanders, wah do u fink went wrng? ws i wrng or is dere sumtin else?

Dude, it's not about the sex. She's not that into you. Seriously, take it from me and ask any girl, heck look at yourself, when you don't like a girl, you can treat her anyhow and your behavior towards her will change. I know people who are celibate in their relationship, even when the guy asks for sex, the lady says no, BUT she does not break up with them. It's hard, but she doesn't love you, she merely likes you. You've agreed to no sex, and it's almost impossible for both parties not to try and push their boundaries. She's using God to break up with you.

Please where can I get West Coast Swing dancers in Lagos?

OP: check RitaLorie in surulere.

jp philips: you write so much that you lose context, a chyker you called it, do you break up with chykers?
now we have understood you are polite to admirers good for you but i tell you what, if you are stunningly beautiful and you attract men in droves, after 5yrs of your life, you will psychologically develop a cloud of attitude to protect yourself from those trooping radicals.
in conclusion, i think you are just an average gal or a little below ave that you need to be that nice pending when you may need them again no offense though

all you are saying makes no pragmatic sense unless you are begging for attention from guys, the bad news is that loads of girls get more than required attention so they hardly care about the feelings of a loser,
its like saying RIP to a shot armed robber,

baby, you are either unattractive or jobless IMHO

you're funny. Trust me, even you cannot afford me. Trust me. I won awards at Uni for looks (I really didn't like being nominated though and it's why I'm very careful how I post here, I used to be super-popular for being hot and I hated it), I have a very popular last name. I'm polite because my dad taught me all people, from his mechanic to my uncle (on the list of Nigeria's richest) deserves the same measure of politeness. And no, I'm not some 25 year old chicken. It's sad that when a pretty girl is humble, she's seen as having low self-esteem. I guess I should start shouting and vexing, like a child.

Na wa. I def believe the low JAMB scores. Comprehension is no longer common. My ex was like this too: I could gist him the entire Avengers movie and he would hear synopsis of yoruba film. Didn't you read where the OP wrote "she grew up with the guy, they were childhood neighbours?" Why are y'all accusing her of being bad? What part of her story isn't adding up?? Talk about projecting your insecurities, mehn...

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Guess my point is that I agree with you, there are no exact steps, just some basic guidelines. Put yourself in their shoes. One old toaster of mine called me today to gist. You would have thought he was a lover or friend, though we've not spoken in months, because I ended things well. And yeah, he was hurt when I said no, but guys dealt with me last year (I tend to attract the immature, so am working on me to stop that) so I felt his pain. Now I could have gone "you dis razz bobo with no job, u no see wia I live?? Respect ya level". Instead I went "hi, this wouldn't work out, it's not your current prospects, we're not alike. Hope we'll be friends one day". Cost me nothing. He still felt like a man. Try breaking up one day calmly, you'll recover faster, because there was less messiness.
And I don't believe in Destiny, that's what Churches use to convince you that after all your sinning, good things will come your way no matter what. Which totally goes against biblical teachings, but that's modern_day christianity for you. Your destiny is God-given, not man-made, and if it isn't God's will for you to work in oil firm, all the tithing and skabashing in the world won't help you. It could be your destiny to be a street preacher (like John the Baptist)or a Hosea, or Jeremiah but strangely churches only proclaim the destiny of David and Solomon and rich biblical characters

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All these stories above, it wasn't that they broke up that caused the wahala, it was how they broke up. The way you leave a rel shows how you were in it, so if you decide to start showing bad character so he/she leaves you, the memory they hold is that you have a bad character. Simples.

Alright, boys and girls! Let's talk about some wonderful stories!!

Once there was a young man who bleeped and ran, avoided his babe, who wept, lost weight and wondered why her bf was. Then he showed up and OMG! It was all her fault they broke up.
She then worked for a HR firm (starts with M,on Marina) and this bobo (who didn't know she now worked there) submitted cv to oil n gas firm (starts with M). He never saw her. He also doesn't know why his contact in the firm didn't push his cv to the top of the pile (trust me, they helped my ff to get a job at M that way). It got deleted once his ex told his contact (along with evidence) what he did.

Story, Story!! When one bobo decided to insult and vanish, babe begged and cried. He even accused her of loving her ex, whom she hadn't spoken to in years. So she freed him (this gist is on NL, I saw it last year n laughed because I knew the 2 of them, and my mum had gone to beg babe's mum for leniency). Bobo didn't know his mum owed babe's mum N1mil. His family is now avoiding babe's mum. Babe's mum is planning humiliation for bobo's father. Not even bobo.

Or the one where the girl pulled away and ran, and poor boy (a diabetic stressing) was begging and trying to pls chick where no send am and no wan tell am true, she dey play with his feelings. She ran to the US, came back and wanted to work in Advertising. Boy na very big dude in that industry (he made his first milla at 25 and has huge contracts). Shey she called for help. She now works for Lagos state govt, as contract staff on N10k per month.


Be kind, it costs you nothing. It doesn't matter what she did, if she didn't steal, cheat or kill, say goodbye politely. All these stories are VERY true. Slam no doors in life, if you can avoid it. You don't know what's happening behind your back. Just say "this isn't working out, I wish you the best, take care". If the person feels like crying, at least you were honest and play with no-one's emotions.

She can't change her husband. What's she gonna do is be patient, prayerful, more loving and communicative and super-forgiving. Catch flies with Honey mentality. Then, do village settling: run to his family.
I know everyone is gonna jump on this and shout "leave them be o, don't involve family", but when they got married, I presume he brought her home and she got approved? Good, those people who gave approval should help her. Not her family. My mum has 4 daughters in early 30s to mid-40s. She will not let them accidentally sleep in our home if they're fighting with their husbands. When one sister was fighting with her hubby and he refused her money, my mum sent some, and told her to go to his family. It was his dad that corrected him "this isn't how you treat a wife". Use village sense, it worked for our parents, not all these NL whom are part of the Fast-food mentality of changing quick-quick once wahala dey.

jp philips: before you join her hallelujah train, do u think that if she was the best of persons you will be breaking up in the first place?
feminism is a curse, you want to be treated with respect when the rel ship is sick of ur misdeeds? what an irony.

The reason I stand by my words is it takes 2 to Bleep.up a rel. So if she was truly all at fault, what would it cost you to be polite while leaving, eh But the fact is that in every rel, there was misunderstanding on both sides, and the breakup merely means you've decided to try other options. Simple. So why be a goat abt it? Ask yourself: "why must I breakup harshly, why must I ignore, blank, blame, act like a bad person to leave this person if she didn't cheat on me, steal my money, kill a family member?" Why are you punishing that person for a rel not working out, when we all know not all will??

Dipwater: Hey girl I think ur bobo has a lot on his mind , give him time,call only wen neccesary,don't be desperate cuz it culd turn him off ,u neva can tell maybe he is married to one oyibo .surely he has a girlfriend over there. I have been in this kind of situation b4.I wuz in south africa wuz madly in luv with this naija babe b4 travelling .in s.a I met this zim babe dat rockd my wolrd ,has beta xter than my naija luv. I stoped calling , I had to choose btween naija babe and zim babe it wuznt easy tho. Back to the topic op are u materialistic ? Wats the meaning of he bought me this and that ?wat did u give him wen he wus going back? There a stiff competition out there. If u want to win ur man,s hart beta shred the mentality of give me give me. There are beta girls out there with gud harts those dat have travelled can attest to this. I tink its hi time naija babes wake up and face reality

How did your story end? My guess is you went with the Zim babe, and left the nigerian. But you've broken up now with the zim

GboyegaD: The danger of seeking ideas from places like this sometimes.
Indirectly she should double date right?

Nope, don't double date. Don't commit to either guy, no sex or kisses or intimacy. Be friends with the 2nd guy. Guy no.1 isn't there and won't tell her what's wrong. My ex did this to me, I stayed, I called, I waited, I prayed, I cried, and when I tried to move on, he BLAMED me. Which is unfair "oh, I'm treating you anyhow and ignoring you, but it's your fault for not realising I'm having a moment and not communicating this to you, whom I want to spend forever with". She's human, so am I. What you're expecting is perfection, which the other person cannot deliver. Which doesn't exist. So give him space, but don't wait for him. If you don't make a decision, Time will make it for you and it won't be in your favour.
Commitment means putting the other person's needs first, matching your partner stride for stride, either slowing down or speeding up to catch up. Needing space is for his own benefit, but expecting her to wait is selfishness. Particularly when you won't even communicate that to her. That's not Love.

Cupidkc: Very funny thread...
Well, you dont have to say it 'verbally'...just show it in your "character".

You can show it in your character. But if I see any thread that says "2 wks of Malice and she's gone to another Man" or "NL pls advise me" (check the romance first page to understand whose thread it is) or anything like that, I will get on and laugh on the thread, like 190. Because she showed you her character rather than act like a decent person and tell you it's over.

Emotions playing you is the big problem. If it happens, sure, but control it and see what next. I've seen good relationships hit the rocks because they had problems and emotions got out of control. That's what a Break is for, to rein in yourself and emotions, refocus and decide what next. Instead, we use it to scout for the next babe/guy. Even if your emotions play you, control it. That's the difference between an adult and a child: one controls his/her emotion. So if you break up messily, take the time to go back and break it right, and proper.