₦airaland Forum

Yes, because men are selfish. Believe them at your own peril.

9lifes: Both genders are guilty.i dey find nice girl,they are hard to find i swear.

Send your details, if you match with my babe, I hook una up. Me, I no wan dis girl to waste, I like am too much, she's not perfect, but when a woman says "Onegai, I've seen I was at fault, I want to ask God to work on me, all I need is for my bf to be there while He's working." I gats join am cry!! This girl must wed this year! Am tired of seeing pretenders catch hubby

The relationship is apparently over. Someone started playing blocked no tricks on the guy and he suspected his babe (wasn't her), guess he was never really into her, because he's broken off all contact, didn't even bother telling her they were breaking up, just stopped calling. Poor thing was in love with him, she keeps crying and praying for him and asking God to bless his useless bottom even if they're not together. Men truly do not want girls who love them. Poor thing, she's heartbroken. That goat better not come back to her, as I will personally burn his cable. Let him go and meet the real naija gurls out there that showed 190 and all these dudes pepper!!

Well, I met my ex, 2 weeks later, we started dating and we dated for 4 years. Since then, nothing has worked out. I meet a guy, in 2 weeks if we start dating and in a month, if I tell him I love him (plus I'm a people pleaser, so my actions match), he thinks I'm desperate. What my ex loved about me is what every gut after tells me scares them: my openness. So I start playing my cards right and it works: I get into a relationship. I'm emotional, and brother flees as if demons are chasing him, forgetting how nice I was and that he had issues too. So I'd rather find someone who knows this and is willing to accept me, rather than pretend. That's compatibility. Love is what my ex had for me.

See the truth: both parties manipulate and put their best self out there. Which is what happened to you. This is why you should be your self, don't be nice unless you feel like being nice, don't say sweet words when you don't mean it, do not go out of your way. It is better the babe falls in love with your flaws and happily discovers your good points. All relationships reach that point when the truth comes out, just pray the ring is not the finger by then. Love exists, we don't know how to handle it, so let's settle for compatibility. Not all of us were meant to be D'banj(no talent, all the money), some of us have to be Eedris (no career)or Eldee (awesome talent, not enough recognition) ; likewise some of us will marry and hate it, most of us will marry compatible people and be okay and few will love and e go pain you everytime you see dem.

Emmerlee: **clears throat**

Em, which one is better btw:
- Playing your cards right to make him/her fall for you or;
- Becoming a looser yourself and then having no one look your way at all?
Aside from the very few 'natural' card/game players out there, I believe pple 'play cards right' because they realised it's suddenly working for them..

But then again - If you got him/her by playing your cards right then bera be prepared to continue playing those cards for as long as you intent to keep that fire burning.

Nothing wrong with playing your cards, just don't accept all you see as the truth. Because I've seen too many people complain they didn't realise the other person was like that.

[quote author=~Killz~][color=#000030]Playing Cards = Manipulation. . . Right?[/color][/quote]Yup

And btw, guys, every girl who has played her cards right to get you, does not love you. Trust me, I've played my cards right, and my feelings were in check, I didn't really send the n#@$er, he was a means to an end. Once I started to like him and give ear to my emotions, gbam, we started having problems. He too was playing cards right. The truth caught both of us. We're in Time-out now and I don't know if it's permanent.

At this point in time, almost no-one I know actually believes in Love. Because we've misunderstood it and twisted it to an unrecognizable feature. There's so much I wanna talk about, but I'll start with this one: Playing your cards right.

Last week, I created a thread, asking why Nice girls finished last. I got a lot of feedback, in particular from guys, who kept advising my girl to "be herself". I wondered about it and came to a realization:

MOST OF THE FAILING RELATIONSHIPS YOU SEE, THE REALLY BITTER ONES WHICH HURT YOU A LOT, AT SOME POINT, THE PEOPLE IN THEM PLAYED THEIR CARDS RIGHT

Playing your cards right is another way of saying Manipulation. Hence we tell girls, if you play your cards right (bleep often, be nice, be friendly, cook), that man will marry you. And it works. We tell guys "spend, don't call her too often, be in charge, trip her" and it again, works.
So why's the divorce rate going up, since we've all become sooooo smart?

You see, it's easy to behave like wife and husband material. The problem is that playing cards is a euphemism for games, and all games MUST end at one point. So the couple begin to see the truth of each other. And kasala go she le.
I know at least 3 marriages in which I can confirm the ladies played their cards right and got the guys. One, 6 months in, she was in Hell She's still there. The other, it took 2 years for her to realise she married a very laid-back, strongly yoruba guy (and she's not yoruba and she doesn't compromise). Small action film dey, but luckily, her husband's too close to his family to cheat. The 3rd, well, no-one likes accidentally going to visit the couple for long visits, his wife makes the word "rude" come alive.
For guys, you charm the girl, then once you get her, settle into your real character. Same thing happened to my babe. God help her if she had married that dude in the first 6 months, she's seeing his character now and it's upto her to decide whether she can live with what she sees (it takes 6 months of live-seeing to start seeing the truth, which is why I don't like online dating). So then, the ladies begin to complain: you're too careless with your words, you don't give me enough attention. But imagine if they had both played their cards right and married in the first 6 months of seeing in person. So you see the best marriages nowadays belong to those whom dated from Uni or earlier, where they didn't know how to hide. They still have problems, but they rarely pack up. Because both parties in it are like our parents, i.e they've been together for long, they don see finish, na wetin you wan use surprise anyone.
Playing your cards right is selling your market. But it should come with a tag: Buyer Beware, Goods sold may be different from what is Priced.

Hmmm, I feel for you. I'm at the same point in my life, and about to make the same decision you're making. However, I believe in Love, I just think we mess it up too often, so we should just look for compatibility rather than Love. But there's something in your OP which caught my attention, and I was already planning on starting a thread about it, so OP, go look there. It's called "Playing your cards right".

This is an old thread, but the OP's post will be relevant till the end of time, so I'd like us to keep it on the front page. Walai, I'm going through this now with my bf, who is sleeping well at night after not seeing me for 2 weeks plus, while I'm suffering and wanting to see his face. My loves, any man that says you're stressing him to go out of his way to return something to you just so you can see him, is trying to say something to you! I've been neglecting my spiritual life for this gorilla! So I'm gonna go back to my Lord, then create a bb group for "Wives and GFs who need hobbies so they can ignore their men" LOL!!!

I will confess that I know the 2nd guy (my friend) is suspicious and selfish. He's been putting his needs first. And his poor gf is beginning to think that all men are dogs and she should change and be like the girls who demand BB and credit (she doesn't, heck she bought him small credit and the idiot called her sweet, now he's fighting her and behaving like a child, refusing to speak to her). Sigh. Well, I've learnt from this: don't be nice to a man, it won't make him like you more. Be like him, because he doesn't expect niceness or caring.

jobfront: Was this movie directed by Tchidi staring Emeka Ike, Jim Iyke & Rita Domnic? Pls where can i rent the movie? they just closed the cinema near my place...nice useless plot, with no sense....probably written to justify that some nice girls still exist in Nigeria when none does! Hey u girl should stop forging stories to FOOL guys, we all know the truth okay?? NIGERIAN GIRLS = 4UCKING GOOD FOR NOTHING BEGGARS! SIMPLE! GET THAT INTO YOUR DUMB HEAD!!

Yup, I knew someone here would eventually start insults. Thanks for being classless, NEXT

MuyiGL: First off, where are the nice girls? Second why do girls hate nice guys too. Third, what is your definition of 'nice'. Once you answer those three satisfactorily, I'm willing to tell you all the truth about guys. I promise and I'm serious here.

The nice girls exist, and they're not in church girls are stupid, I've had nice, serious guys on my case and I ran, hmmm.... and finally a nice girl is smart, caring, humble, forgiving, friendly, patient, has her craze o, but puts your needs first and is dedicated to seeing you succeed in all you do.

Walai, for the 2nd guy's babe, don't kill me, but there's a guy who likes her and is looking to settle down, and I'm encouraging her to hang out wit him more. She and her bf are having a problem, something really small, both over-reacted. This chick has been trying to apologise for 2 days , while her bf is too busy ignoring her messages and calls. So I've invited the guy who has a crush on her over. She needs someone who appreciates her.

A lot of guys I know swear up and down that they're looking for nice girls. Yet she comes around and they don't like her, or she is too young, or one thing, or another weird excuse. I have 2 male friends, both dating what I would define as marriage-material sort of girls, both girls physically stunning and smart to boot. Well, One friend broke up with his chick. Granted, he was young, but what was his reason? "She wanted to marry me, and I didn't know why she just wanted to marry me. When I have nothing". HUH?? Now, a few years later, he's meeting girls who, once they realise he's poor and without a car, suddenly realise he's quite short, gosh how busy they are to meet him and how he's a "great friend" and no more. His ex, meanwhile, loved him short and car-less. The other, same thing. He's too busy suspecting his sweet new babe of trying to settle down with him. I've advised him to study her, but he keeps seeing imaginary stuff (he's stopped eating at her house because he's worried she will jaz him, meanwhile babe is upset her man no wan chop her soup. And she dey pray for him, helped him with a contract at her office, bought him a small val's day gift out of her small salary when he got her nothing and decided to sleep with him because he insisted, though she's been celibate for YEARS). Meanwhile, my mugu is seeing all her flaws magnified and can't wait to get rid of her. Funny thing: they have mutual friends, who can tell him all her exes would KILL to get back with her, she's so nice.
Guys, why do you not like good things?

Naijasexy, your novel is too long (and all for secondary school runs, smh). Please someone keep this thread rolling.

He's Not Just That Into You

To her, this is what I would advise:

Go to an orphanage or a home for the less privileged. First, before you walk in through that door, know something: THEIR LIVES ARE BETTER THAN YOURS.

Yup. Wanna know why? Because they are accepting of who they are. So don't feel sorry for them. Be honored they give you their time. I did this last year after a bad breakup. Months of visiting those kids taught me patience, I didn't pity them, stopped feeling so wrapped up in myself, accepted myself, found my inner happy child (after years of depression).

Next, close your eyes, and remember this: YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. You are not perfect, you are more than your looks. I say this as someone who went from an ugly duckling to one of the prettiest girls in Uni (without weave-on, all I did was take off my glasses). So I couldn't believe in anyone who complimented my looks, instead, I choose my brain (I studied Chemical Engineering). Yet I was a mass of insecurity. Years later, last year, some people made me see myself as God sees me: funny, kind, forgiving, a talkative, empathetic, quick-tempered yet slow to anger, paranoid a touch, gone through tough times and negative, loving to a fault (I'm a Sanguine-Melacholic . But most importantly, LOVED BY GOD. As you are too.

You are good enough for your husband. Not for any man, because we are all not alike. So be shy, but wear the garment of quiet assurance. If a man does not want you, all it means is that you are not his blessing, you are SOMEONE ELSE'S. And that someone will DIE for you.

Your problems, take them to God, not to church. Because a lot of churches don't know who Jesus is. Smile, a lot. You're pretty, enjoy it. But remember, you're a good Nokia phone, nice-looking on the outside, practical on the inside. HTH.

Hi, do you have a black Bold 2, US or London used? How much for? Thanks.

Hi, I'm interested in your Bold 2, black, your val's price. In Lagos nry258@hotmail.com. Thanks

Yes, he went overboard, but I understand how this man feels: I've done this to someone and someone just did this to me. I ran crazy, and eventually called him, to ask why he went from calling daily to struggling to reply my mssgs or replying them as if I vexed him in a past life. All for some weird, heartbroken, over the hill, not-even-fine guy, I chopped yap. So guess what? I went to apologise to the guy I did it for, because it's the same mouth I used to encourage him that I should have the courtesy to say "this won't work". He thanked me. So stop disappearing and respect your fellow man/woman, be honest, don't expect them to read your mind, since you don't know how to read others' minds. He's not a stalker, just someone passionate.

I Know What you Did Last Summer (he was a slasher of women's hearts)

My answer was an example. We don't pick the phone up because you men like the chase. When we do, you suddenly begin to cool off, we get hurt and try and find out why; and you behave as if we want to tattoo ur name on our foreheads. Gosh, it's painful! U like someone, don't play games, male or female. If she picks up the phone, be happy. If she's shy in the club, go for it! For every confident lady who didn't play games n it worked, there r 9 ex-confident ladies who didn't play games n r wondering why he got cold feet after the loving up (verbally)

Or it could be you pick that call, in the middle of your gist, he tells all the fun stuff he and his ex did, you freak out (yes, people have been telling recently to go get laid by random dudes because you're boring, yet also advice you to go to church after!), you say "let's be friends". He stops calling often, you two have a misunderstanding (nothing like BBm to make a sentence sound worse than in real life), you tell him you like him and, crickets.
That's why we don't pick up that call. because being too caring is WORSE than not caring at all

Nope, I used to encourage him to save (I knew how much his mortgage was). I even bought him a house-warming gift and souvenir from my trip.
Meanllywilly: 190-sir! I dey hail you, na you make me join nairaland.

mmm

OP, thank God for this girl. She could have lied, and I know many whom are lying confidently about this issue and dancing in church. Someone once told me "you cannot understand love until you love God and know what He did for you". If you're a christian, you know your daily failings and how God forgives them. And you are meant to love as Christ loved his church. The same church who denied, rejected, crucified him and nowadays, using His name to mess up. So, love her. Or leave her. Decide. It's easy to love something good, but it's hard to love something flawed: that's why divorce is prevalent nowadays, because what we think is good is not the best for us.

You're like me: I give off very good girl vibes and so attract bad boys. When they see how far they can or cannot go with me, they're off to the next hunt. My problem is I keep trying to save them from themselves, when they don't want to be saved. And btw, a bad boy nowadays goes to church, is active in his fellowship and responsible. All that is surface crap, if you look closely, you'll notice none of his exes like him (because he treated them badly, so ur own time go worse), his own family will rush you (they'll recognise ur worth and hope he gets u) and ur family/friends will not like him (because they'll see thru his acting and realise his character is bad, so they won't care how much he's making). My advice: run, flee, else you'll keep breaking your heart. Trust ur family and friends, the love burning ur heart n making the smoke blind you isn't affecting them. Pray, unceasingly: God will never give his child a scorpion after she has asked for a dove. And He does not hold u responsible for anyone's salvation, so stop trying to save that bad boy.

Go and see her. Be careful, and do not touch her at all.

Hmm, contemporary girls aren't wifely. Funny. It seems most guys want women like their moms, but behave like a babe. If a man meets a pretty, homely girl, who cooks, tells him the truth, doesn't play games, doesn't expose body and doesn't do pre-marital sex because of her religion, her ass is getting bounced for the hotter model who will cook, play the game of wifeliness to catch the man and declare her love for Jesus while screwing the man out of his brain. Then after marriage, said man will realise that cooking and cleaning does not make a good wife. Anyone can learn how to cook and tidy up, but no-one can learn patience and submissiveness. I have so many male cousins whom I cannot go to their homes for a visit since their perfect hot, cooking and cleaning wives do not make it an option to be friendly or welcoming to his family once they are established as a wife (or anyone she does not like, no matter the reason, even his siblings da
re not sleep over). But hey, her meals are great.

Do what you believe