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Couple of guesses: the guy has most likely been cheating on the side for a while. He's determined to get married next year, well to whom? Obviously he's having side rels. Also, he probably knew he wasn't going to marry her by year 7-9, but was applying some sort of thought-process such as "I will hold onto her, while looking out for what I want". I've heard people do this, a guy has said openly that he only breaks up once he has confirmed her replacement (karma has caught him). So this man has been selfish, because the minute you confirm inside that you cannot commit to someone, pls free them and yourself.
And for the lady who does marry this guy with this type of mindset, don't come on NL to cry afterwards. Any man who will knowingly waste someone's time by being selfish will NOT magically turn into the perfect husband. That is the biggest mistake we all make "oh, this person who has treated people badly in the past will change magically because my love is so special". Yeah right, call me in 5 yrs, let's know how that worked out. He/she must show full remorse for their past, or else...
Let her be glad, infact, give her warning this very moment! A part of her will feel relieved. Trust me.

ronkebp: Why should she collect the gift in the first place?

A lot of times, a gift could be used as a weapon. I know several people who have given gifts or favours, knowing that the gift receiver had someone in their life and they were hoping to start a fight and move in on the guy/girl. And when the gift receiver returned the gift, they would slyly make it seem as the other person is being irrational, after all, it's just a gift (I know at least one guy who chanced a girl off her immature, misbehaving bobo with this gift stuff, because when she started getting fed up with her bobo, he was there to subtly remind her of how he made her return a small gift from a friend, yet was flirting with other chicks). Which is why the girl's bobo should call and say "thanks". It shows he's mature and calm and smart enough to say "Mister man, I know what ur game towards my girl is, but sadly for you, we're a strong team".

[quote author=Lord_Reed]You are not concerned with sending the wrong signals?[/quote]Nope, there are any ways to skin a cat. Why should the man I love and have selected above all others be worried that someone who will never reach his standard has to resort to spending so much money trying to win me with gifts? My bobo calling and thanking him shows that my bobo is SO in charge of our relationship that I submitted the car keys to him before driving it. The toaster will get the message. Think like a tortoise, not a lion, and you'll get everything you want in life. I know a man of 7 yrs marriage, his wife shows him all the gifts she gets, he smiles and says "honey I love you". They have problems, but by encouraging her to be open with him, he's in total control. Once in a while, vex for your woman, but when the situation is tough, be firm and loving.

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Virginity is a thing of virtue and should be applauded. However, pls seek for more than virginity in a marriage. I met the most desperate to wed a rich-guy, aggresive, sneaky, hypocritical, vicious girl who was a virgin. And i have seen those same traits in non-virgins. Personally for me, if a met a quiet, sacarstic, smart, principled, with a good sense of humor, God-fearing man whom I am attracted to, who happens to be a virgin...I will look eagerly to my wedding night. No holds barred akpako nacking meehhhnn!! LOL

If a guy gives me a car, I fully expect my bf to call him and thank him on my behalf. Then my bobo and I will pose in the car and snap pix to be put up on fb, twitter and co. And I will update my bbm status to "e mi no re".
That's what my dad did when my sis said she'd get a toaster to buy her stuff. He said he'd thank the guy and ask for his own, as he's a pensioner )

Make una free me, I like writing epistle! Lol! Have you never been in a situation where someone had to explain something easy to you as if you were a child?? I've been there, and I was grateful that someone explained it rather than a one-liner "dump that I.diot".

Kids these days....

Everyone please stop insulting the OP. We've all been here where he is, some form or the other.
OP: she doesn't love you, to her you're the guy who will marry her, her backup. I promise you this! I was in your situation with a guy, while I was crying abt him, everyone and their father told me for sure, he had others, and I was his backup, in case he didn't find a hot version who had a good character. I'm happy now, because I'd rather be no.1. Don't you think you deserve to be no.1? Her jealousy is normal, my ex did the same, she's ensuring no-one snatches her backup while she's playing. Every good player has a dependable backup, and you're hers.

She is NOT for you and she will never be for you, even if you break up and she comes shedding crocodile tears and dressing like MFM, because she's gotten used to using you to stroke her ego and it's a bad and tough habit to break once you've started, ask anyone (99% of us have done it to other people and have had it done to us). What other excuse does a gf have for pretending not to see her man when he meets her in the coy of another guy? She no wan vex that nig.ger, so she no mind disrespecting you. If that other guy had not been important to her, she would walked away to the Numero Uno in her life, and since she didn't come to you, what does that tell you? What she is doing is hurting your ego, and last I checked, Love doesn't hurt you. It simply doesn't.

All the fun you have with her is infatuation, trust me! It is Mango that is overripe and spoiling that is sweet, the feeling of not knowing where you stand with her is making you pursue her. That her behaviour is learnt in Player 101 class (your male friends who have behaved like her towards innocent girls recognise her tactics). Abi you wan see the love letter I write my ex, declaring love while he was doing the same thing your woman dey do?? I never forget am? Better person don come sef!

And I promise once you leave, the tears and MFM attending to get you back will start (because which person in the world doesn't want to know that somewhere there's a guy/girl patiently waiting) once she realises that she is the backup of all those other guys (first guy's gf came to report her, so she definitely is). DO NOT ACCEPT HER BACK. I know someone who accepted the man who used her for backup, he's cheating confidently. Anyone who can cheat on you confidently and openly before marriage will NOT wake up respecting you and not cheating after. There are chicks wearing scarf and carrying bible and faking pregnancy in the crucial days of a relationship to nail a man down, your own is flaunting her flirtations and you wan marry??

If you think you deserve to be no.1 in someone's life, look for someone who treats you right. Or stick with this chick, because hey! You have "fun" times.

In her case, what exactly was she expecting? She's very immature, and sometimes, you telling her why will cause tears and alarums and scarums as she promises the world to try get you back. You can tell an ex why things didn't work out, but be careful you're not being petty, childish or malicious.

She should prepare for being a single mum, as he probably left her in the hotel without a number or anything, so he isn't expecting her to call him ever. That said, for health reasons (you wanna know at least the bloodtype+any hereditary illness) she should ask the host to tell everyone to send as many pics of the party. He was there, someone might have a phone pic to identify him, so start urging for phone pics. Also the host should start informing everyone "there's this guy who went to so-and-so hotel on the night of my party (the girl should at least know the name of the hotel) and he forgot something important, do you know him?"
No mention bele, because his friends will hide him.

Marry her. I can't wait to eat rice at your Divorce party! Errr, I meant wedding party...

D.amn AutoCorrect

[quote author=fresh_dude]@OP, ideally age shouldn't even be a factor let alone a barrier but realistically, you'd do well to be careful in that regard. It would rare to find in Nigeria, a young lady who'd marry a younger man even by as little as a year. I've heard many manny young women say they will not marry a younger man because they would 'disrespecct' him, can you beat that? Personally, I wouldn't mind marrying an older woman(in fact I prefer older women)but I'd rather not be in a situation where one ignorant myopic female will be making my life not because I did anything wrong but because she's older than me. Hia.[/quote]I swear. Nigerian mentality is the reason we're not great. Age is a number, be you old or young, what matters is your mindset. What rubbish abt "oh he's younger I'll disrespect him" or "she's older, she'll ride over me"?? Na children dey think like that. Go talk to mature people, life is short and unhappy and you want to complicate matters by saying No to the one who will be your lifemate and support you forever because of age? Clap for yourself. I'm taking lessons in something and my teacher(s) is younger than me, the way he snaps at me sometimes! One small girl asked "he shouldn't talk like that to you" and I replied "this is his kingdom, and he is king. When he steps into my kingdom, I am Queen." I'm learning and progressing and haven't lost one bit of my dignity and respect. Pride is expensive.

Dear Lord, thanks be for saving the OP's gf from her stupidity. Now pls let her leave him forever, amen.

You don't like this girl. After all the nonsense you've put her through, she's pulling away emotionally and you're selfishly thinking of how to dump her first/prepare for her exit, instead of, gosh, I don't know, TREATING HER LIKE THE PRINCESS SHE IS FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOUR CRAP ALL THIS WHILE!
You can start begging her and hope she forgives you. Or you can leave, there are better more responsible men out there.
If I had a penny for every I.diot that had a good person but insisted on mumutizing them, then one day realising what they've lost the very 2nd the poor mumu has decided to move on because they are not worth it...

Your relationship sounds like my 1st relationship, and we would have gotten married. But now, I'm glad we didn't. I know a lot of people in relationships like yours and they do get married, and they realise it doesn't get better. But they got married because they said to themselves "everyone has problems, and I'm used to this person, and I remember the good times with this person, things could be worse" failing to see that things ARE bad, but they had become comfortable with it. The last relationship I heard like yours, they had this flashy expensive wedding after years of dating since secondary sch and long-distance drama. 3 months later, they got a divorce. You sound like you need a break, so communicate this to him, and go to God. Not religion, find God.
Quite a lot of rels like yours will NEVER improve (my rel's own is just like yours: dated thru hell/cheating 7 yrs, married for 10 yrs after, he still cheats, beat her into a bad pregnancy and the baby died, she's still in it). But some may, which is why you both need time away from each other to discover whom you are and whom you should be. Then decide if you want to stay together or not, and don't ever make that decision because "I can't see myself dating any other, because of wasted time". Date him because you can't see yourself dating another, period. Comprendez-vous?

Well, you need to stop having sex. All that pain is scarring you physically and emotionally. You could continue, but you're suffering from a lot of vaginal tearing, which is great for STDs to get in. Scary, huh?

Then, tell him it's over. Or that you need a break from the relationship. You need your head sorted out. This would be a good time to go find out what Love is (most of us don't know) and I cannot recommend enough the best place for this: your Bible. God is Love. Sooner you realise that, better for you. So go look inwards, you're not perfect, neither is your ex.
Now, get busy. I mean, really busy. Take up any and every hobby you have dreamt of doing (most will stay with you forever and keep giving you pleasure). Do a lot of charity work, the people you're helping are some of the most positive people in the world, you need them. Stop sitting around giving your brain time to obsess how he'll come back begging, how you'll say "no", blah blah. Go out there and get busy. By yourself first, then bring friends along.

Well, I know 2 friends, one who's older than her hubby, very nice marriage, the older 5 yrs younger than her hubby, horrible marriage. I've dated a guy 9 months younger than me who was still talking about swag and popping Rose, even though he was older than 27 yrs, his mates were getting married (look if you're over 27 and you're still talking abt your swag, you're an agbaya, because boys have swag men have class!), and I've dated one older than me, that was asking for "pls show me your boobs over the internet na" as if I were a kid n he was not in his 30s. Most mature rel was a month younger than me, and gosh, was he smart! Go for maturity, because Stu.pid doesn't have an age limit.

Peterson1993: Yeah.. he his bored already and looking for an excuse for a break up. What ladies really know is that we men can easily get bored. It all depends on how well you play your cards.. The more you make him feel hungry, the better for you( not stomach hunger oo) . Dont starve him to death. The very moment he gets bored, there nothing you can do about it other than to break up and move on ..

Dear women, I want to take a good look at this fellow and others who say they get bored easily unless you play your cards right. They don't make good husbands (because they cheat), or they end up marrying a manipulative woman who plays her cards stupendously well, then reality sets in once the ring is on her finger. OP, if your guy is bored, pls let him go, you want a relationship with an adult, not a child. You're gonna have kids one day, why add one more, hmm? And if he's slapping you, I suggest you tell him to pls show you respect and leave you be till he realises you are going to be someone's wife and mother one day.

Hey, dear, firstly, big hug to you. Sometimes we forget that people became parents and stop treating them like people because they have kids. So,that hug is sometime I'd give a friend, and it's for you.
Secondly, your husband is unhappy. Trust me, only an unhappy person will start a fight and reduce you to tears. TRUST ME, he's as UNHAPPY as you are, and he's taking it out on you. It doesn't matter if he's cheating, that's not important. Don't even try and find out if he is or isn't. His cruel behaviour could be a result of guilt over his bad actions, because that's how people are.
I heard this white lady once, who said something "in my home, my hubby comes first, because my kids are gonna grow up and have a life". Naija mamas, they focus too much on their kids, then the child marries and they don't know how to let go (hence wicked mama-in-law) because they get jealous of the person who has taken the love of their life away. Do you want to be like that? because I'm trying to settle my sis-in-law and my mum's fight and I wish my mum was busy, she wouldn't have time for this.
Your man will be buried beside you, not your kids. Prioritize him, your home is unhappy because you both are unhappy and that hurts the kids.
So, what to do? Pray, ask God for strenght. The beauty of Esther, the romance of Songs of Solomon (read that book!), the patience of Job.
Then, take yourself shopping, look good, not trendy, good. Form-fitting dresses (no trousers) and skirts, highheels (not the nonsense platform akpola that's popular, but simple cute styles), get your hair done, put on some pink lipgloss, not red. Get a hobby, like join a cooking school, sewing class, french, swim, tennis, SOMETHING that sha gets you out of the house that isn't work, church, wedding, family. You need to be relaxed and happy and laughing for no reason. Let him notice this happiness. Start wearing one of his tshirts to bed at night, nothing under. You need to seduce him back to your side. Ask him for advice, discuss small politics and listen to him more. Particularly if it concerns his business, the idea is to get him talking. Desdemona seduced Othelo by the way she listened. Challenge him a little, show your brains in a clever manner (like a small business, so he remembers how awesome you were when he met you). All this takes hard work. Do casual touching (eg on your way to the kitchen, absently touch his shoulder), wear perfume. Then when you get him back to your bed, slowly begin to make him open up. No harsh angry words! Just be welcoming and open.

Check this thread and contact the OP

https://www.nairaland.com/961450/learn-how-play-keyboard-piano#11174614

[quote author=niyitogun][/quote]Bone that one! My friend's wife is a stay-at-home mom, they have one 2 year old and she's pregnant. The hubby is still looking for a way to cheat, saying he was coerced into marriage to one prospective gf (nope, he swore that he wanted to marry, met his wife and married 6 months after, she wasn't pregnant). When a man wants to cheat, he will use his dead grandfather to justify his behavior. I've seen men accuse their gfs that they cheated because the babe na virgin (see laugh!) As if they didn't know it. They were all wrong, but the guy doesn't sound remorseful, so let her pack into her family home, and let him decide what he wants, wife or housemaid.

Depends on what type of bros he is. Is he a straight-forward guy, normal, calm and quietish? Chances are, he doesn't live his life publicly: my bro and my bestie are like this, both are marrying her gfs soon, neither has ever put up any pics. Is he flamboyant, loud, attention-seeking (yoruba, to be concise LOL)? If you see pics of chicks up, then worry. The bros that met me 2 wks ago, told me I would marry him in 30 mins, invited me for wedding in Ibadan is like that, pics of women and combo-pics he made of him and women. I deleted him, as he was in an "open rel" on fb (he denied that, even though I screengrabbed it) and the first mssge he sent to me was abt him "meeting his inlaws". I asked to meet his family, he disappeared.

She needs time to get over the christian, so let her just hang out with the muslim as friend while she heals (and let him know this, so he doesn't start thinking she doesn't like him and is posting him). After 3-5 months, she'll know what she feels abt the new guy, and there's nothing like wasted time in the rel, as she's hopefully spent it knowing him better. If she doesn't feel anything, no biggie, it will hopefully be amicable split (because she was honest abt what was up). But encourage her not to run away from the muslim guy while she's getting over the ex.

It could be a medical issue, so let her see a doc first for a pap smear (carry chocolate after, those things hurt!).
However, I suspect she's not stimulated enough. And she doesn't want to complain that she ain't feeling you. Several chicks do that, and if the guy says "baby, do you like this?", they reply "yes" when na lie. So carefully broach the subject. Tell her no nacking for now, so her body can heal. Just be loving and sweet to her and say you wanna make her feel special, hugs, kisses, pampering. Put on a movie she likes, when an intimate scene comes, quietly ask her if there's anything she's seeing she wants to try, and go slow. Like as slow as traffic at Orile B/stop. Be super gentle, it's not how hard, or combination of moves, it's how gentle.
I've heard from a guy who likes to date naija babes that after it has happened, the ladies are always crying and saying he's the best, because naija men are like bulldozers, no finesse.

Be really careful, take everything that comes out of his mouth with a grain of salt; right now you're a challenge and not in a good way. Be prayerful and listen to your self, your instinct is warning you a bit! So hold out for the next 6 months, then re-evaluate. I've seen this situation before, the girl gave in after 4 months, he started preparing their breakup 2 weeks after, it was very painful for her to realise she got played, and she was a real nice girl, wifely, funny, humble, not money-conscious. He didn't care, the trophy had been won, so he started finding fault with everything, 2 wks after they were intimate. So just be extra-careful.

Goo goo dolls "Iris" is a classic. Give Metric's "Help I'm alive" a listen

NnamdiN: Always counter her with a bigger weapon if she goes for the matchet, go for the chainsaw. Her>>> Knife, you>>> cutlass. The next time she wants to go gaga, she'd have to think like 10x b4 doing it as she never can tell ur nxt weapon.

. Mortal Kombat! Choose your players!

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OP: okay, I'm sorry I laughed at you. Let me tell you a story.
There was once a woman like you, dating a serial cheat, and she used to get upto shenanigans like you, trying to catch him. She complained before marriage and was given the advice "just ignore it, you're the main girl, his family knows and accepts you as wife, those other chicks are distractions". So she took the advice and married him.
Years later, she suspected the cheating had resumed, so with the help of my friend, she did some email hacking into her hubby's account. Plenty evidence there. She confronted him, screaming, crying and threatening, the man was silent all through. When she was done, he said "Franca, you're right, I'm cheating. I thought I loved you, but it was a mistake, and I was pushed to marrying you. This your character, I've never really liked, and I'm not good. This woman makes me want to be the best man in the world for her, and all that's keeping me here is our kids. Now that you've seen this, pls make a decision whether you want to leave or stay." And he packed out and relocated to Naija, where till now, he's still with that same woman. She still leaves in London, the kids shuffle btw them on hols.
If you don't like what you see before marriage, think long and hard, because it will NOT magically get better, unless it is God's will and the right person, and to quote my mentor "God will not give you a playboy, an immature, selfish person or a cheat to marry, you chose that yourself, so stop asking him to approve your mistake".

Now according to the law, he has to have been in possesion of a weapon, with intent to use it and also used it on the victim, right, in order to qualify for the death penalty? Well, the weapon wasnt used on the victim, possesion of the weapon cannot be 100 percent proved in the case as belonging to the accused (this is Nigeria, I will confess to supplying the egyptians info to Moses' whereabouts, helping Hitler invade Poland and flying a plane on 9/11, after 1 week in kirikiri) and the time spent in detention. I think the judge could have prescribed 15-21 yrs and still execute the will of the people and the law of the people. Not a death penalty.

[quote author=sweet_jummie]Av been dating dis guy for like a year now, and he says he loves me and dat he also intends to marry me,but the problem with my bf is dat his a serious womanizer,I was able to detect dat his cheating on me via facebook,I av my bf's fb password which he does not know abut,so I check his msgs on fb 4rm time to time, and d kind of msgs av seen on his facebook inbox is so so terrible,his cheating on me with 3 different girls,b4 we started dating,I also heard 4rm a frd dat he has slept wit 2 girls in my dept in d past,pls house wat can I do,pls I need ur advise[/quote]Dear NL, pls don't break up this rel! This is a perfect example of 2 people who deserve each other. Seriously, a man who's a cheat and a woman who likes to sneak around cunningly, what could be more perfect than that?
But seriously, I've notice cunning women always marry womanizers, even my cousin, we used to call her cunny cunny as a child, too clever for her own good. She's married 10 yrs to a serial cheat. Wonder what the correlation is...

Alright!! Glad to know this. Next time one guy says to me "I demand sex, as I feel even though you have been celibate for years and now I want to use you to notch my bedpost, but you're saying no (but didn't chop my money), and I've called you selfish and having a bad attitude"
I will know it is because he loves and values me. Got that.