₦airaland Forum

[color=#808000]Mama: Ooh Mpa, don't marry this girl or I'll disown you...
Ooh Mpa: Mama, but but she's the love of my life
Papa: Listen to your mom, my son. She knows what's good for you

*The babe enters, walking towards me, drops the opener in front of papa, bends to pick it up with her back at the anterior diameter of his visual field*

Papa: God go punish you ooh Mpa if you no marry this babe. Forget your mama, she doesn't know what's good for you. Look at her buttocks sorry good looks. She even knows how to pick opener well. You've found a bootyful sorry beautiful girl

Ooh Mpa: Thanks papa

Papa: In fact, I want her to follow me for a one week revival at Calabar. We will share the testimony.....

Ooh Mpa: Papa


THE END!!!! [/color]

[color=#808000]Please and please leave these hypocletus and listen to me....

Palpate those bwests in four quadrants, check for bwest discharge....
Make sure those bwests when lifted up take more than a second to drop, check if the nippllles are everted, standing or obeying glavity
Now go to coochie, splead them apart and do exam, If 2 fingers enter, it's okay, if 3 enter, it's okay. If 4 enter, no be pünny again
Check for pünny discharge, check for smell. Splay perf, check after 20 mins. If e smell same, good. If e change smell, no be pünny again
Check nyash for stletch marks, dimples and hole diameter. She must be able to scleam while shyting and not drop it like tap water
Now check for BJ skills. She must go back and forth and/or lick tip well sotey your eye go do like 5 O'clock
Enter am for final anarysis. If you lerease akamu while opened mouth, you're safe. If you no open mouth, there's only one thing involved.......HO!!!!



Do all these for final analysis and successful mallage....[/color]

[color=#808000]Ooh Mpa knows how you feel...

After dating all specs of girls: Fat, thin, dark, black charcoal, fair, yellow, Einstein-like, Goodluck-like, Okupe-like, Mullato, Asaripopo, Faleela, Miley Cyrus curves to Minaj type, from Buhari age mate to Kesh age mate, from hobbit to giants.

Ooh Mpa didn't believe in love again till he decided to try one more type: ALBINO!!!!


Poster bro, just one week with this species and you must fall in love with any woman wey get chest hair....

Thank Ooh Mpa later [/color]

[color=#808000]So Caroline has banged the whole team:

Damon, Matt, Tyler, Klaus and Stefan...

She's to come to the fans now. Sweet Caro, ooh Mpa is your number one fan You the real MVP.....[/color]


[img]http://cdn.meme.li/instances/300x300/59721938.jpg[/img]

Roland17:
It's very difficult to gauge the Rockets prospects this coming post season, they made some very valuable trades especially with perimeter players like Ariza and Brewer, those two are potent one and one and perimeter defenders, and can provide some offense, my only worry is the PG position, they desperately need a ball handler that can push and control the pace of the game especially on transition, Beverly does not cut it especially for a playoff contender..James Harden would hit the numbers, get to the free throw..how would Howard's return impact their play? Dwight is a mobile Center for his Size but he also alters how they play, they love transition basketball and shooting three's with Dwight that changes or reduces significantly as they would look to post more..

[color=#808000]With their current play, passing the first round would be a miracle....

The defense is the best offense and Rockets lack that. Having Dwight in that premiere with his blocks and rebounds would give therm a chance

Well, if they do get him back before the playoffs, run through a different style of play, compare wins and losses, maybe just maybe they could reach the finals[/color]

[color=#808000]No more short girls....

The last short girl ooh Mpa met wants to tasted ooh Mpa and couldn't leach....
Ooh Mpa said "Go to bed and stand on it", she went and couldn't leach......
Ooh Mpa then places a stool on the bed and said "Stand on it", she did but leach small....
Ooh Mpa finally now put small pillow for stool, she stand and she come reach......


Painful expelience [/color]

[color=#808000]Long sermon. Let Ooh Mpa give you short version

Nne: Hey.....
Nna: Hey you....
Nne: I wanna tell you something
Nna: I'm listening

*Nne pulls down bumshot and lemoves Nna boxers*

After 45 mins of Parakatumba.....

Nna: I like you too

Case dismissed [/color]

[color=#808000]15 + 6? He doesn't knows and he expected to mallied

Doesn't he knows the answer is 156?

Foolish bwoi [/color]

[color=#808000]8x a day? And ooh mpa barely manages twice a day?


[size=20pt]Challenge Accepted [/size][/color]

[color=#808000]Mama shanta ahabalubaba Shiba shullaba shundra bacar becara beshundra kulla belulla...


All those souls deposits will come back to ooh mpa with this condom.... Satan shuu shuuu
We must dugbe without Satan or soul networking. It is our right

Mama shanta ahabalubaba Shiba shullaba shundra bacar becara beshundra kulla belulla... [/color]

[color=#808000]Fück it. Understand you brah...


But you gotta do the guys a favor, stop with the low self esteem. Get yourself like 50 large, go to the market make yourself look good. You'll get girls in numbers outside NL with the right words.

But if Nl be your problem, take some pictures preferably with a car key in hand or next to your ride or someone's...

Leave the pms for the kids, do what you gotta do to make yourself noticed by the girls. Make her smile before you see pms.
One more thing, delete this thread

P.S.: donated a like....
#Sai[/color]

PunkyBrewster:
Well, I was starting to date this guy, many years ago. So one day he invited me to come watch a movie at his flat. It was my 1st time there, mind you. Anyway, the dude started getting all touchy feely with me as we sat side by side on the sofa. I was very nervous so I asked him where the bathroom was, hoping it would distract him & give me more time to compose myself.

As I sat on the toilet, my eyes caught something sticking out of his laundry basket. I went closer & realised that it was a bra. The lying douche have told me that he didn't have a girlfriend & that he was living there alone, so there was no logical reason for him to have a bra lying around. Unless of course he was a cross dresser!

Oh, I knew he wouldn't be sexing ME up after such a discovery. I don't beat around the bush, so I asked him straight up whose bra it was. He didn't have much time to think up a convincing lie, so he just blurted out that it was HIS! Like, 4real!? I left without saying another word.

I later found out that he was either married or was living with this person, but his lady was not there fulltime because her job had her transferred to another province. She must have been visiting & left, by the time I was next on the stud's new mission. Mission. .IMPOSSIBLE

[color=#808000]Women....always interrupting a man's konji

For all we know he could be a bra collector [/color]

[color=#808000]WHATTT?? VIRGIN? 2015?


You're luckily we have caring Nlers if not......

Forward Ooh Mpa your contacts so we solved this pűnny plobrem It is simple, you come to ooh mpa and he'll give you rest

We have to do 6-8 days of 2 dairy sections to show veli good ploof you're not a virgin.

Don't do this next time or you won't be so lucky, foolish gyal [/color]

AsherStorm:
he kissed my cheeks,forehead, chin then my f*kn lips... wanted to push him away but I just held myself still and allowed him do that while I pulled back and told him I will visit him on Sunday that its because its my first time in his house...

[color=#808000]#Dazall


Bro, You should be ploud to be homo. Many of your type doesn't come forth for bressing but hide under shame, it's not right

Look at Naijaboy, Tosin2mush and Mrcock, they're powerful gay Nl activists of gay community of gay LGA of gay state of gay countly

You can't be a virgin for flont and back. This is 2015....Nature says pick one hole, you lefuse, now it chooses back hole for you and you're compraining, foolish bwoi

Seun, it's time for that gay section......[/color]

DrAify:
Climb the rock of Gibraltar or striptease

[color=#808000]Stliptease?
Miss, can you twerk? [/color]

mytime24:
d topic says craziest tin nd nt invitation, mr stalker

[color=#808000]Stalk who?

See as your hair dey like man own. Na small thing ooh mpa for call you "Solidstar"
Why would Ooh Mpa stalk a girl whose head looks like the first slice of bread? [/color]

mytime24:
Bj , cover face

[color=#808000]*Pulls down pants*


Sis, do you need an invitation or what? [/color]

Nneka123:
i'll catch a grenade for him

[color=#808000]*Thlows glenade in the hair*


Oya, bingo fetch fetch [/color]

Billyonaire:
What bothers me is why techies always like to show off their knowledge by arguing and condemning. SD Card isnt necessary in this and next generation, the reason is simple. Cloud computing saves us all the energy of shopping for large Gb storage from hardwares. Samsung has cloud service, so what I and every other futuristic person do is store all your files in the cloud play them right from there using any of your samsung phones, tv etc. Stop arguing about SD, it simply makes you sound so 19th century. No insult intended.

[color=#808000]None taken bro

Sony started with an Xperia s with no sd, had losses and released Xperia z and recent flagships with one

Htc started with One x and One M7, had record breaking losses; included the sd card in M8 and have gotten slim profits


This is Android - open source
Until they move to Ios or even Windows, most users appreciate expansions Cloud storage or not.

Funny enough, Sandisk released a 200gb sd card today after their Q3 profit results. Even the ones clamoring for Sd cards are the ones living in areas better suited for the cloud storage. If you doubt, read up comments, hands on and reviews from today

And NO, it ain't show off lol
It's akin to politics, you debate with facts and figures

#Sai[/color]

ollah1:
The Galaxy S6 and S6 Edge does use new type of flash memory featuring in the handset called UFS (Universal Flash Storage) 2.0 to enhance data speeds and power consumption, as well as improve speed of use - which is why the SD slot has been dropped.

The chipset, screen and operating system is more efficient and consumes less power. Note 3 had a bigger battery than note 4 but the latter produces extra juice. If you need extra storage, you can use cloud or pay a little extra for a higher version. The lowest is 32 gig which is outrightly enough.

[color=#808000]Lol.......


UFS has nothing to do with sd card or why it's dropped. Ooh Mpa doesn't care about the expansion but do yourself a favor check the general community, forums, etc. One of the few reasons we stuck to Samsung is the sd card

And note 4 has a 20mAh increase over note 3. S6 shrunk by more than 250mAh. The difference in battery life if there is won't be obvious. Let's wait for the battery tests....

32 gb and 64 gb prices won't be "a little extra" That difference can get you a 64 gb sd card or more rather than spending tons of data on OneDrive

Samsung skipped the Snapdragon....reduced sales
Samsung's entry level price is steep even compared to Apple's....reduced sales
They went from 35% to 25% last year. This year would be more like 20%


#Sai[/color]

Ymodulus:
The camera sensor?

[color=#808000]Yeah[/color]

PRELUDE:
[color=#808000]She comes to see you or rather you go see her. You guys talk freely over a bottle of wine, laughing at each other's jokes. She leaves you wanton, chemistry soars high whence you go for the lower lips. What then happens? Do you play songs to augment the ecstasy or you let your spontaneous nature kick in? If yes to the former, what songs do you play and do they have effects on her? Did she cumm?

Ooh Mpa is going to relate orgasm and rhythm, establishing a causality. It's gonna be a semi-long read. Bear with him. [/color]


THE USUAL:
[color=#808000]Ooh Mpa plays only 9 songs. Long enough to last a forepläy but short enough not to bore the eerie moment.

Only one song makes up the[/color] Precum AKA Forepläy i.e. Dance Like We're Making Love by Ciara. [color=#808000]This is the only aphrodisiac Ooh Mpa trusts because women generally know it and makes it easier to dance to than it already is.

Put it on replay, invite her to the floor and watch how she guides you. If she doesn't kiss you after the 3rd verse, there's a fat chance she's not interested in you.

Then the playlist comes up. 9 songs of:[/color]

1. Trey Songz - Inside pt2
2. The Weekend ft Drake - The Zone
3. PartyNextDoor - Persian Rugs
4. Bando Jonez - Sex You
5. Chris Brown ft Usher & Zayn - Back To Sleep remix
6. The Weekend - Wicked Games
7. PartyNextDoor - Wus Curious
8. Sevyn Streeter ft Chris Brown - It won't stop
9.The Weekend - Or Nah remix

[color=#808000]This is where it gets interesting. Ooh Mpa will spare some of the erõtic details but largely include:

The Australian Kiss at the standing position. She gets tortured to the point she can't reach for supports. Her legs wrapped around, doused in her own secretions up to the time Ooh Mpa hears a soft plea. There is also the cowgirl, sleeping doggy, slow missionary, etc.

The mainstay is eye contact and talking. Follow the rhythm of the songs while thrusting or you could moan the song close to her lips. Probably, sing low to her ears with little biting. Okay, back to topic

The results were somewhat bleh. Firstly, the few climaxes he's experienced didn't tally with a particular song. Moreso, there were suspicions of fake orgäsms and even few with no songs (spontaneous sex).

Ooh Mpa is sure you lads know how women climax, different buttons for them. Some have contractions, secretions, fast breathing/heart beats, dilated pupils/wavy eyes. Others let their mouth or hands do the expressions.

Circumstances led to a little experiment.
Legoo[/color]

THE RESULTS:
[color=#808000]From first week of July, Ooh Mpa had 5 different sexual encounters. Now, out of these 5, 3 moved according to plan while sadly the rest had a sexual innuendo about Ooh Mpa.
Let's call them A, B and C.

A had a bedding with Ooh Mpa twice,
B, once
C was also once but thrice on same night

With miss A, Ooh Mpa had the playlist going right after Ciara of course. 5 songs were this time on replay[/color] (3, 5, 7, 8, 9).
Result: No orgasm.
[color=#808000]The second time however had Ooh Mpa playing the remaining songs[/color] (1, 2, 4, 6).
Result: Orgasm represented by screams and contractions.

[color=#808000]With miss B, Ooh Mpa selected songs[/color] 1 and 4.
Result: No Orgasm.

[color=#808000]With Miss C, Ooh Mpa started with all 4 songs but there's nothing strangely after the first round[/color]

Songs 2 and 6 :She came with The Weekend and Drake

In the morning, she came one more time with The Weekend and Drake.

Orgasms were represented by going silent after she was moaning most of her experience. Also, she tried to force Ooh Mpa out but also in. Weird!


[color=#808000]It's crazy, seems so but the bland area in this is the fact that C has never heard The Zone before. Or she might have but can't recognize the artistes

There you have it. If you're gonna have sex, play music. Turn the music up and fück close to the speakers. Maintain eye contact a lot and let her lead. Incorporate cowgirl into it, don't be stiff about it.
Good luck

Valar Morghulis



P.S
Don't steal Ooh Mpa's song It's bad luck and your dïck will break [/color]

Ymodulus:
Wow! i can see the camera.

Sony IMX559 Camera Sensor. Same found on all flagship sony phones and same on the Meizu MX4 and MX4 PRO.

[color=#808000]It's Toshiba not Sony[/color]

[color=#808000]Quite dumb actually.....


Samsung just shot themselves in the foot with the exclusions of sd card and removable battery, their edge against other Android flagships; all in joining the trend of obsession for thinness.

And with the so called "thin crave", they shrunk the battery with a battery hog of a resolution and super Amoled. We'll wait for the battery tests though
Even downgraded to a single led flash....


Ooh Mpa sees a further plummet in sales especially in the dev category seeing they opted for in house Soc with less open source

Ooh Mpa is sticking with his note 4 for the next two years. THANKS [/color]

rudebouy:
She pronounces 'available' as 'aveleble', she calls bucket 'bockate', she calls bread 'blead'.

[color=#808000]You irritelate

How does they plonounce it then? [/color]

[color=#808000]This virgin has come again......

Haff you bloken up with your vaseline again? What did it do to you this time? [/color]

[color=#808000]When a woman get Mr Ibu belly, she says take me as I am
When a woman get bwest the size of Orange seed, she says take me as I am
When a woman get nyash the size of Mirey Cylus, she says take me as I am
When a woman get agric fowl leg, she says take me as I am
When a woman get stletch Mark for nyash, she says take me as I am
When a woman spokes worser Engrish than ooh mpa, she says take me as I am



But we men say........ [/color]

[img]http://emptystress.files./2013/11/god-forbid.gif[/img]

[color=#808000]Actor:[/color]


https://31.media.tumblr.com/666f8ebab57270d0d097605ef321c791/tumblr_nevy2b3q2W1slsalco1_r1_1280.jpg


[color=#808000]Actress:[/color]


https://i1.wp.com/www.heyuguys.com/images/2012/12/Helena-Bonham-Carter-as-Bellatrix-Lestrange-in-Harry-Potter.png?zoom=3&resize=494%2C312

[color=#808000]The punny no cool meaning she got Chramydia or symphilis.
The man will spend money: Admission fee + tests + dlugs + fruits + money waste to cum on dead punny + money waste in buying orijin and tangeline for her + okada money + airtime + phone data pran

He should colected 100k + cut Brazil hair with cinssors + collect her ATM machine

Foolish gyal [/color]

diddydiva:
Love in Nigeria

that gal is dumb tho because the guy is not passing the same message with her.

[color=#808000]Nlers sha. You fit confuse them as saints


1) You no insult or judge someone for their actions. When they plinting those shirts, they weren't thinking "What'll diddydada say?"

2) Read this srowly: Dem dey lerashunship, so dem suppose fück and when you fück person wey you ruv, you enjoy it better. Without shirts, the flends and we know say dem dey fück. Does it make sense to you or I fit go srower?

3) She dey faithful which mean say she no dey play for Stamford bridge when her house na Nou Camp. This shirt don show say na one man army she dey fight for.

4) Ain't your fücking business. When it eventually becomes, she'll let you know. When you eventually get a bf instead of spending 9 - 5 here, you'll understand better. When you start to dey fück, you'll understand better. And finally, when you grow up, you'll understand better

5) Lastly, give ooh mpa your number [/color]