₦airaland Forum

I124U:
You no know say the girl na 16years when u been dey reason how to talk to her, but when ur uncle pulled fast and furious on u, u come dey yarn us dust for NL.. abeg count ur loss and move on

hmnnn!

AnodaIT:
The man is right, he owns you and asking for once a month is considerate, in my opinion

If you find this difficult to accept, consider the two advice up here

Truly foolish decision to have gone to see him. The marriage would stand a better chance of survival if she hadn't. but i cant say for sure now.

PatriotTemidayo:
You went to see him for the last time?

That was a foolish move. That would have been the best time to tell your husband and Beg Him to understand you made those decisions foolishly and ignorantly.

But it is not too Late. Am sure he's not the only Client sustaining your corporate position anymore.

Get ready to tell your husband but before that, Meet a very senior officer in your bank and tell him you want to offload the client and you need backing.

Then go ahead and TELL the idiot to go to Hell. Then explain to your husband but never tell him about the last Visit.

Good luck �

Jzhane 28/11/2017 Ask Jzhane 3 Comments

Good Morning ma,

Please I want you people to advice me on what to do.

I am living with my aunty and her husband here in Lagos. There are the one sponsoring my education. I work for them too. They have big big supermarket here in lagos.

The problem is my uncle is a big flirt. He dey f-uck all the small small girls in our shops.

He do this thing,everybody is aware. I am very surprised. Infact,I am very angry with he.

I have been living with them since I came from village last year. I cannot close my eye to this evil.

I want to tell my aunty but some people tell me not to tell her that she will drive me away and I will be the one to loose.

Now,there is one girl that is like 16years. The girl is working as a sells girl in our shop in lekki. I like this girl and I have been seeing how I will take talk to her. Now,its like my uncle is f-ucking her too.

I am tire of all this. small girl of 16years?Na wa o.

Plz ma,what should I do?



From Ernest,

Ikoyi


Source: www.livelystones.com.ng

Hello Friends!

So this Christmas, we want to hang out with you, to meet you, have fun with you.
There will be sessions for sharing experiences on relationship matters,meet new friends,talk real issues affecting relationships,proffer real solutions and business networking
Don’t plan to miss it.
An exciting time to meet, bond, learn, unwind, get business tips and have fun. It’s a meeting for everyone :singles and married.. Let’s learn from one another!
Tell all your friends….Mark your calendar and get ready.
This meeting will change your life….

I look forward to seeing you at the event.

Date :10th December 2017
Venue :ReDahlia Workspaces, 43b Emina Crescent, off Toyin Street, Ikeja!

For more information,send an email to:

livelystonescares@gmail.com
Register on Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/events/363035534156587/?ti=cl

Call :+234 8029870309.
www.livelystones.com.ng

Jzhane 27/11/2017 Ask Jzhane 1 Comment

Dear Jzhane,

I read your articles and I see that everyone has something they are hiding and keeping a secret from their spouses or loved one.

I dont see how you help them go through the issues they post. Do you speak to them directly? Maybe you can post your resply to them so that some of us can see and learn.

Myself,I have something bugging me. I have been married for almost seven months now. Before I got married I have a client who is my biggest customer. Yes,you must have guessed,I work in the bank. I have moved up the career ladder in banking over six years now. During this time,I met Mr Innocent (not real name).

Mr Innocent is a business tycoon with business interests in diverse areas,from oil and gas to importing and exporting,etc. I met him about four years ago. He is someone who I met and he promised to always support my career as long as I pleased him. Thats how I was one of his many girlfriends for four years. He also didnt mind if I had a boyfriend as long as I made myself available when he needed me.

I never had issues with meeting my targets in the bank. Mr Innocent always helped me exceed my targets. I got promoted every year. Today I am an assistant bank manager,just in four years. Over the years,I have made myself quite comfortable. I have built myself house and have a small fleet of cars.

When I met my husband,we tried to tone down how often we see each other. I told him that we need to stop the relationship but he said he is not ready that we will find ways to meet but he will not be putting pressure on me too much.

Now,am married. He left me since I got married but now,he has been calling for me. I dont want to continue. But he sent a text message that we have an agreement and that if I dont continue,he would expose me to my husband. His threat made me to see him yesterday. I told him it was for the last time. I begged him to leave me alone but he says he owns me,that I must sleep with him once a month. He says he will destroy my career and my marriage if I do not agree to continue to see him. He said he will let me go but he is not ready yet. I am very confused. I have begged and begged him but he is refusing. What should I do. Should I be patient with him,maybe he will eventually let me go as he said?

Before you or your readers say I should tell my husband,please note that I dont want to loose him and be divorced before my marriage even reaches one year.

I look forward to reading constructive responses.

God bless you.



Tessa,

Abuja

More true life stories:

Sources: http://livelystones.com.ng/1745/

Jzhane 27/11/2017 Uncategorized 4 Comments

My name is Angela (Not real name). I have three beautiful children. All girls. I am also happily married to Edward.

But I did something very bad and I cannot find help myself.

At a business retreat in Paris six months ago,my colleagues and I went out during one of the nights we were in Paris. We partied late into the night and most of us were actually drunk.

I am ashamed of myself because I can take alcohol but I never actually got so drunk the way I did that night.

Frank,one of the company’s representative from Cape Town was quite flirty with me. It started out innocently but both of us had had too much to drink. We actually had sex and I regretted it after.

I thought I had out that incident behind me when I traveled and returned back to Nigeria. I was on protection for two years so it didnt cross my mind that I could be unprotected when the sad incident with Frank occurred.

About seven weeks later,I fell ill. I treated malaria but it didnt subside. Eventually,my husband rushed me to the hospital after I suffered high fever one night. At the hospital,all tests came back negative. The doctor suggested a pregnancy test. I was on drip while all of these were going on. The pregnancy test came back positive.

My husband was truly overjoyed when he broke the news to me. Here I was,in total confusion as to how I got pregnant yet my husband was over the moon.

I know the pregnancy was a result of my fling in Paris. I just know. So I pretended to be happy but I was very sad.

As soon as I left the hospital,I arranged to have an abortion in another hospital. The abortion would have gone very well but I began to bleed so badly when the procedure was taking place. It became a battle to save my life. Eventually,the doctor advised against the abortion. He said my body was not taking it well.

I bleed so much I actually thought I had lost the baby.....Read More


http://livelystones.com.ng/1739/

Hello Lively Stones,

Recently,someone sent me a link to your facebook blog and I have been reading your articles everyday. I perceive you are a nice person. You are really trying to help relationships. Well done on the good work

I am not very big on commenting on blogs but I have a problem that is eating me up. I find it very difficult to discuss with anyone because it is very sensitive and difficult. It is also a secret I have kept in my heart for so long.

I am a thirty eight year old woman, I am in a relationship with a widower. Jackson has one kid from his late wife who died of fibroid complications. We have been going strong for about a year now and we are looking at getting married soon.

When I met Jackson,I let him know that I had a very bad past. I let him know that growing up was tough and I did things just to survive. Some of the things I did was have sugar daddies to help me financially. Jackson said it was ok as long as that was in my past.

But I didnt tell Jackson all the truth. I am from a polygamous home. And unfortunately,my family was not the best place any child could have been raised. Right from child hood,I was abused by my father and older brothers. I slept with them for several years. I became pregnant when I was 14. My mother was hardly ever around. She in her own wisdom was not big on being a faithful wife either. I didnt know it was abuse. This continued until my father and brother made to start sleeping with them and other men for money. It was like a duty to me. It was one f the ways I was contributing to the family of almost 23 children financially...Read More


Source: http://livelystones.com.ng/1709/

Hello Lively Stones,

Recently,someone sent me a link to your facebook blog and I have been reading your articles everyday. I perceive you are a nice person. You are really trying to help relationships. Well done on the good work

I am not very big on commenting on blogs but I have a problem that is eating me up. I find it very difficult to discuss with anyone because it is very sensitive and difficult. It is also a secret I have kept in my heart for so long.

I am a thirty eight year old woman, I am in a relationship with a widower. Jackson has one kid from his late wife who died of fibroid complications. We have been going strong for about a year now and we are looking at getting married soon.

When I met Jackson,I let him know that I had a very bad past. I let him know that growing up was tough and I did things just to survive. Some of the things I did was have sugar daddies to help me financially. Jackson said it was ok as long as that was in my past.

But I didnt tell Jackson all the truth. I am from a polygamous home. And unfortunately,my family was not the best place any child could have been raised. Right from child hood,I was abused by my father and older brothers. I slept with them for several years. I became pregnant when I was 14. My mother was hardly ever around. She in her own wisdom was not big on being a faithful wife either. I didnt know it was abuse. This continued until my father and brother made to start sleeping with them and other men for money. It was like a duty to me. It was one f the ways I was contributing to the family of almost 23 children financially.

This continued until I was 19 and I ran away from home. I actually followed a sugar daddy,a love-vendor to port Harcourt and worked that way until I was almost 28 years.

I kicked that lifestyle when I met a lady who changed my life. Mrs O owned an NGO that caters for young women in prostitution. Her foundation helped me start a fresh life. I got skills as a hair stylist and began to look at life differently. Many times,I was scared that my past would come and haunt me and perhaps,now it has.

I dated a few men before Jackson but none of them were serious. Jackson is the only one who wants to marry me. He is a business owner. He treats me well. He listened to my story patiently and really sympathized with me. The only part I left out was that I slept with my father and brothers. Perhaps I was ashamed. I was also afraid that might scare him off.

Now that information is killing me. I am wondering if that would come back to haunt me. Maybe I should leave it in the past as Jackson has said he does not care about my past? What do you think?Please share my story,I would be reading through the responses and comments so I can have some sense of direction on this matter.



From Grace,

Port Harcourt



Source: Livelystones.com. ng

After a few years of my silly assumptions and after much observation, I finally realized that his attitude and lack of action isn’t his own doing. His family doesn’t acknowledge birthdays the way my family does. The way they observe birthdays isn’t wrong of course, but rather, it’s just different.

During premarital counseling, our therapist had us discuss our formative years, our relationship with our parents during that time, and our feelings toward various life- altering events. She asked us to list our favorite memories and our painful ones too, as well as explain how close our respective family units were.

Those sessions didn’t fully resonate with me until our marriage began. As it continues, I am able to connect the dots to both my husband’s and my own behavior, and how such behaviors line up with that of our families. What I’ve realized is that it’s hard to deviate from what you’re familiar with or what a person believes based on their upbringing. In fact, what a person brings into their marriage is heavily influenced by their familial experiences.

In psychologist Susan Heitler’s article, “Look Back on Your Childhood: The Better Marriage Project Par,” she writes, “Some people repeat mainly their interactions with one of their parents in their adult-to-adult marriage relationship. Others repeat elements of their patterns with both.”

Our difference in opinion on trivial things like the necessity of thank-you notes, parking in or out of the garage, and even how to cook grits are all based on how we were raised. But what happens when a person’s childhood includes a strained relationship with their parents or negative experiences that they’ve held on to for so long?

Relationship coach Jordan Gray lists specific childhood issues that can pop up in a relationship, including fear of loss or rejection, fear of being unlovable, the habit of people-pleasing, being overly reliant on others, and inflexible and unrealistic expectations. In order to help combat any baggage from your youth that is ultimately brought into a relationship, Gray suggests you “Understand that everything your parents did for you they did from one of two places: their love for you, or their unconscious patterns that their parents put into them.”

Of course, seeking a third party like a licensed psychologist can help you dig deeper into your past and figure out how and why things are manifesting themselves in your marriage and family life.

Learning more about why I act the way I do in my marriage or why I have particular expectations and standards has greatly helped the communication in our relationship. The Maya Angelou quote,“You can’t really know where you are going until you know where you have been” likely wasn’t about marriage, but I find myself greatly relating to it these days.

My husband and I haven’t been married that long, but we already know how dissecting our past has and will continue to be a benefit to the future of our relationship. Communication is already one of the hardest things for a couple to master, but being open and honest about your familial relationships and encounters can positively affect your marriage and even strengthen it.


www.Livelystones.com.ng

Dear Jzhane,

Joy and her sister Judith are very lovely twins sisters. They recently started working out in the same gym as me. They are so hot,everyone stares at them when they walk into the gym.

I mean,the guys envied the trainers for having the opportunity to talk to them and be with them at close range,all in the name of being their trainers…lol

Well,after the second week,I took matters into my hands and introduced myself.I found out that the girls are single,wow!

So I took interest,in one of them,Joy. I started trying to date her. I had become friends with them after a few hangouts but I wanted to take things to the next level. I observed however that this babe,Joy was not feeling me and I kinda liked her more than her sister. I tried to get her attention for almost a month but she didnt respond. I tried to take her to lovely date spots,she refused. I bought her perfumes,gifts,etc..she told me shes not interested but we can be friends....Read More



.....see more true life stories


http://livelystones.com.ng/didnt-want-menow-upset-sister-wants/

I am dating a man who is over fifty years old. I love him and he loves me. He is married but his wife is abroad with his family. If he asks me to marry him,I wont mind . He treats me well. In fact better than young men of my age whom I have dated. Many will criticize my choice but it didn’t start out like this. I was once in love with a boy my age,he broke my heart and I almost committed suicide. Ever since,I have taken to liking older men whom I find better lovers,more giving and considerate.
My name is Tina and am 23years old. I got into my first relationship at the age of 16, while Mikel was 17years, a year older than me. It all started like play and before I knew it, I was head over heels in love with Mike. Everything about him excited me, from his looks, to his name, family. My life was all revolving around this young boy. If am happy, friends, family knew because he was around me. When am sad they knew he probably not happy with me.
I day dream of myself being his wife. Infact, I see me many times making his food as his wife. I thought nothing could separate us except death and i ready to die for him,I mean it, I was ready to take my life if anybody tried to stop me.when mikel is sick, I become sick. I even steal my parent money to satisfy him when he need something and could not afford it. It was that bad.
But God prevented me from taking my life few weeks after he started misbehaving. That was after he disflowered me. Prior to that time. I read on the internet how a young lady took her life because her boy friend dumped her. One of the many comments stuck and that was my saving grace after hell was let loosed.
To cut long story short he dumped me. After I had given him all I had,my life,my time,my virginity!
I swore never to have anything to do with my age mate. I began to see that younger men are immature, selfish…. As fate would have, all those around me after that incident where adults. I mean it was older uncles, neighbors, family friend, I was always in the midst.the took care of me, and over pampered me. I lacked nothing as before I could open my mouth for anything I got. I saw them as angel sent from above.
Currently, am a university graduate. am dating a 51 years old after I broke up with a 54 years old I just discovered was married but lied to me he was single.
Now my friends are pressuring me, teasing me that am dating men old enough to be my father.
Emma, loves me and treats me like a princess and I sincerely love him.
Please ma, is there anything wrong in dating a much older man? Besides, am ready to settle down as his wife cos no one treats me the way he does.


Tina


Mende, Lagos

Source: www.livelystones.com.ng

My name is Bianca. I am 28 years old. My wedding is in three weeks . I should be very happy but I am quite confused as I speak.I am at crossroads and caught up in a serious emotional confusion and I think I need help.

I got into my first relationship during my final year in school. I had come home after first semester. During the holiday,I discovered that there was a youth corper who was attending our church. He was really fine and handsome. The first day I met him,he said he couldn’t take his eyes off me.I took to liking him too. We became friends quite easily. Prior to this time,I never really had any serious boyfriend. So when Greg asked me out,I was already falling for him.

My holiday was very beautiful. I was in love. When I went back to school,Greg would visit me and we kept in touch. Greg was my first love. The first guy to kiss me and I felt like I was the only girl in the world. We dated for one and a half year. When I graduated,Greg had finished NYSC and gone back to his base but we tried to keep in touch. Anytime we saw each other,we wouldnt want to leave each other.

Not long after,I got called up to go for my NYSC as well. A few weeks after I started serving,my friend called me to say that she heard a rumor that Greg was dating some girl in his state. Greg is from Benue state. I called Greg and he denied it. Another mutual friend of ours later asked me if I was no longer in a relationship with Greg as he heard Greg was dating a girl. I asked Greg and this time he confessed that a young lady was throwing herself at him but he is not interested. I asked him to stay clear of the lady.

About a month after,I stumbled on some pictures in facebook that Greg was tagged in. It showed Greg and some lady attending a party. They really were sharing alot of PDA. They looked like a couple. In anger I called Greg,I really confronted him. When I asked if he had feelings for the girl,he said n but that they slept together only once. I was so mad. But we talked and Greg asked me to forgive him. He said he couldnt wait for me to finish NYSC so we can get married as the temptations from many single ladies was getting too much to bear.I encouraged him to hold on as we will soon be together.

After that phone conversation,I didnt hear from Greg anymore. I tried to call him but his number was not available. Anytime I was able to get through,he wouldnt pick my call. A month went by,two months and three,I didnt hear from Greg anymore. I started thinking of going to visit him in Benue state. When I told my friend,she then told me not to bother as Greg was dating that girl full time and it appears that they are engaged. I was distraught. I couldnt believe this was happening to me. I was dreaming about a life with Greg. This certainly cannot be happening.

To cut the long story short. Even though I was heart broken,I tried to put Greg behind me and now give attention to other guys who have been trying to toast me but I had always called their bluff since I was in a relationship with Greg.

Not too long,I met Joe. A kind and sweet young man. I met Joe just before the end of my NYSC. We dated for a couple of months and got engaged. Joe tried to make me happy but somehow,at the back of my mind,I was hoping I could find closure with Greg. At least,hear from him why he broke up with me.

Anyways,a year after I met Joe,I was working with a bank and we were planning to get married this December.

Out of the blues,I received a phone call from Greg saying he wanted to see me. I asked him never to try to reach me again. I told him I was engaged. Greg came to Lagos to see me a few days later. He begged and begged and I agreed to meet him in a restaurant. Greg tried to explain why he broke up with me, He said he was confused and he didnt know what he was doing. He said he wanted me back and would do anything to win me back. After he left,Greg would call everyday. It was hard to ignore him. Its sad but that the truth,he is the only man I have truly loved.

Greg who now had a new job in Abuja invited me to come see him.I didnt want to go but he was persistent. He said he wanted to see me for the last time before my wedding. I eventually gave in and took a flight to see him in Abuja. We met in a hotel. We spent time talking and eventually we slept together. It wasnt planned trust me. I wanted to actually see him for the last time. I know that Greg is different from Joe. Greg is a romantic. I ave caught myself making comparisons with both men. It appears Greg gets me most. The next morning,as we were walking down to breakfast in the hotel,we ran into Joe’s uncle at the hotel lobby. He caught me red handed. I was wearing a skimpy outfit and Greg held on to me quite tightly. I was shocked to see Uncle..........see more

www.livelystones.com.ng

My wedding was supposed to hold last Saturday. I should have been happily married to the love of my life but that didnt happen . Right now,I am the most miserable human being on the face of the earth and I really dont know what to do.

I met Maureen last year while attending a friend’s house warming party. She was the light of the party,the most beautiful girl and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.We got talking and exchanged numbers. Maureen,a very lively ad fun lady is an Engineer with a top Construction company. We hit it off quite well. I loved every day I spent with Lilian and I couldnt thank my stars for bringing such a lovely woman into my life.

By the end of last year,we had gotten engaged. I was madly in love. All I could see was my life with Maureen. Maureen,a very sweet decent girl. You could see she had a good upbringing. We actually didnt have sex all through our dating and courting. This is the first time i would meet a girl like this. She made me wait until marriage. All I was looking forward to was our wedding night.

All wedding preparations started in full gear last month. We had the proper wedding introduction,early last month. Did I mention that Maureen’s family are quite well to do. Much as I was ready to clean my bank account,her family supported our wedding big time. We got the best wedding planners,designer clothes,food,cake,etc.

Our bachellorette and Bachelor’s eve held in the best five star hotels in Lagos. We were just so excited for our big day. Ready to start off a new life.

On the morning of my wedding,I received an unexpected visitor around 6.30am. Lilian was at the door with a young baby boy. I was quite surprised. Lilian,my ex is the last person I was expecting to see that morning. I asked her what she wanted and she said she brought my son to see his dad!

I was like,you are joking. It turns out that Lilian didnt actually have an abortion after we agreed that she should a month before we broke off last year. Like seriously,I told her why and she said she had a change of heart.

At that point,I was confused. My wedding lady to Maureen!…After Lilian left,I called my best friend and best man Yinka. I told him what I just found out and he was like I need to tell Maureen immediately after the wedding. I knew it would break her heart but we agreed it was best for her to know the truth first.

As we were driving to the wedding,I got a call from Maureen. She said she wanted to ask me if I have a baby with anyone. I asked her why the question and she said,someone sent her a text that I have an eight month old son!I knew Lilian was behind this. I told Maureen I just found out that morning. Before I could finish the statement,she hung up.

I became quite agitated. I really was panicky. We got to church and Maureen wasnt there. I then drove to her house but was told by the security not to allow me in. I called and called her line and that of her parents and siblings.They all refused to answer.

That was how my wedding was called off last saturday. I have done everything to see Maureen but she wouldnt even give me a little chance to explain.

I am lost and tired and heartbroken. I know Maureen too is feeling the same way. What do I do,please advice me.



From Kels,

Lagos.


Source: Livelystones.com.ng

My husband is very dirty,I am fed up !…frustrated wife
Jzhane 20/11/2017 Ask Jzhane, Family 1 Comment

This may sound very petty but what do I do with my husband. He is driving me crazy!

We have been married for almost a year but I swear,I cannot take it anymore.

Chris is very dirty and lazy......Read More



Source: http://livelystones.com.ng/not-appreciate-hygienei-fed/

#New post alert.

Good morning all, lady needs prayers and advice for her friend.

She wrote :

He would rather ask Ify to go and marry another woman in his search for a male child. Ify has vowed not to allow another woman push her out of matrimonial home. The situation is so bad.

Read more:

www.livelystones.com.ng

If anything,we were very happy to take this to the next level. We used alot of desperate single ladies in Lagos...Read more


www.livelystones.com.ng

Yesterday I ran into a child hood friend and I froze. For the first time after almost 15 years, I began to remember what happened one faithful afternoon during one of those ASUU strikes which saw me and my friends at home doing nothing.
Apart from my pastor, no other person has been told this story.
That Day, my friend whom I have known since year one in school came visiting. He came with some movies to watch with me. Of course, there was nothing else to do during the long Assu strikes but to watch movies, visit friends, just lazy around really.
We watched a few movies together and after a while, I got up to go and have my bath. It was afternoon. After having my bath, I was in my room trying to dress up when o heard the door of my room open. I turned around and saw my friend come inside the room. For a second I thought he missed his way or he didn’t know I was dressing up… But that wasn’t the case… He knew I was out of the bathroom and dressing up. He advanced towards me and before I knew what was going on, he began to try to touch me. I was in shock but my defense mechanisms kicked in immediately.
I screamed at him, shoved him away and started to fight him as much as I could.
I fought and screamed so much that day. I told him i would tell my parents, his parents…. Our pastor and everyone …He eventually left me. I quickly dressed up and for out of the house and told him to get out of my house before I screamed more. He left somewhat ashamed.
After the incident, I dressed up and went straight to see my pastor. I was in tears. I told my pastor and he counselled me. He told me he would speak to the young man. He also asked me not to tell my parents.
You see, my parents and the young man’s parents have been friends for decades. Infact, his father was my mother’s boss for several years. We went to the same church together as well. So the pastor’s counsel was so that the relationship between both families will not be ruined.
That was almost 15 years ago. I never told anyone else. So yesterday, when I met this former friend I was in shock… I didn’t know how to react. It dawned on me that I was still angry from the experience. I realized also that this young man never did get to apologise to me at all.
I am writing this post because I realise that sexual abuse is not taken seriously in this part of the world… People always think something like what happened to me is a normal male behavior. They also want to quickly cover it up because they don’t want to ruffle anyone. They dont want to offend anyone. They don’t want to loose friends because of this.
The victims even get blamed for the abuse. Someone reading this post maybe saying :why did you go and have your bath when you are alone with a male friend at home?
Like for real… He is supposed to be a friend, a family friend… My parents trust him with me. They could swear that this young man would lay his life to protect me!
Many experiences have formed how I perceive relationships and this particular one has indeed formed how I see men. I find it really hard to trust men.
Today in America, several big names have been dragged into sexual assault allegations and Americans are having a field day. However, I look at this Part of the world and sigh. The things we should abhor and condemn, we allow and condone.
Sexual abuse is real. It happens most times with people we love and trust. An awareness to this evil has to begin. More intensely as well.
I made a resolve to forgive this friend of mine. I forgave him even though he didn’t apologize. I forgave him for my peace of mind. But one thing is real, everytime I see him, I have questions, I want to know why he did that. I want to know why he has not apologised. I want to know why why and why
Till then, if you know anyone who has been abused sexually or if you have been abused and you need someone to talk to, come talk to us at Lively Stones.
This might be the first step of you finding healing for yourself.

email:Livelystonescares@gmail.com

phone: +234 8029 8703 09

facebook: @livelystonescares

twitter:@livelystonesng

instagram:@livelystonesng



Source: www.Livelystones.com.ng

Tunde and I met a year after I resume work with the company I worked for before my current job.I am a graduate of Botany, I also had my MSc immediately I completed my Youth service.
I was raised in a good Christian family with sound moral up bringing. I believe this contributed immensely to why I was still intact before I met my husband. my parents have been happily married for as long as I have known them.
Tunde, was not my dream man, but since he was the only guy that seems a bit committed among all those hanging around me, I had to give in to him, besides, I have been facing a lot of pressure from my parents especially my mum. I was already approaching 28years old.
The challenges started during our courtship, but because I was naive, I didn’t see anything wrong. For instance, when, Tunde was to rent a place, he asked me to contribute to the rent, when he was to equip the apartment he also asked I should do this and do that. Which I obliged. My dad even called to warn me, but I went against his word.(Pls spinsters be warn.if a man wants to marry you, let him do the needful, at least before you move in)
Immediately, after our wedding, my husband behaviour started changing. The up keep allowance, he slash into two. When I asked why, he warn me never to try it again, asked if am not earning enough to take care of the house. I actually thought maybe it because of inflation and that he might have some future plans, like investment. Few weeks later, he gotba better job, with over 200% increase in salary. But rather for things to improve in the house, they rather got worse. Rather than getting increase in allowance, the little he was bringing was not consistent anymore. My birthday with come and go, same with our anniversary, but my husband will never get me a gift.
There was this fateful evening i came home early than expected because i was not feeling too well, i was amazed to see my help with a tight fitted new jeans which sh didnt have before, and i know I did not buy it for her, so I enquire how she got it. But she said Uncle Tunde referring to my husband gave her.See me see wahala.I wanted to give her the beating of her life, but restrained myself. By the time I finished with her I discovered he even gave her money too.
That evening I confronted him(Tunde) that evening, he was mad, saying how dare me, ask him, that he observed she didn’t have clothes, so he bought her some. I knew water don’t pass garrison. Quickly the next day, i sent her packing. That evening when my husband came back and discovered she was gone, he started showing anger in everything I do.
That weekend, when I asked for money for weekend. I said he didn’t have. I told him I also don’t have a dime with me. So, he left, on getting back and asked for his food, Before I could simply reply I didn’t cook because I had nothing on me, I had received a sound slap. I felt like tunder, I saw star.
Next day I ran to my parents, and explain what happened, they simply replied I should have borrowed and made his food.
From that day, I never got a penny from him, paying of my children fees, cooking and so much.the financial burden became enormous. Some, times, he will not touch me for months. The slightest thing I do or say provokes him. The beating became frequent, I feared for my life, to the point I don’t even say a word when he is talking.
I started to loose my self esteem. Thinking something was wrong with me. At a point in time, I thought I had offended God and he was punishing me. Why because, Tunde was making more money. Changing jobs. I mistakenly stumble on a duplicate CPV, domestic allowance for a particular month N350k.
We had 3 cars, but he doesn’t allow me to drive any. Besides, I had to use okada , at time taxi when taking our kids out.
This continue for almost 5 years. I was in hell on earth in my marriage, I cried everyday, my boss was always consoling and counseling me. I prayed like Hanah in the bible yet it looks like God himself was against me.
The very first company Tunde, worked after he left the company where we met was a stone throw from my parents place. But he hardly visit. In shut, for the two years he spent there, he never visited my family.
One day I got home and met Tunde at home. I couldn’t ask why he was early, it was after few days I got to know he was sacked as this was obvious.soon days became months. Everyday, I hear him fighting and shouting on the phone.
Before, I knew what was happening my hubby has spent nine months at home. Firstly, I discovered, he was now unbelievably calm, soft spoken, and helping out with the house shores, besides, he was not keeping late nights again .Offering to drop the kids in school, evening bathing them in the morning. One morning, as I was about leaving the house, he walked up to me as gentle as a dove and asked if i could assist with the our rent that the land lord threatened to throw us out.
As time went by discovered that all his friends who enjoyed his money had all left him, most especially lady, he would do or go anywhere for. I recall any occasion where he was to take me and the kids somewhere, just at the eleventh hour he called we should find our way there. We took okada and ended up having an accident but God protect us that only the bike man was injured. I later found out he took Bimbo the lady out.
Just few days I got an offer for another job in a multinational company. My husband has been offering to also be dropping me off at work along with the kids. Sincerely, I don’t feel anything for him anymore. He neglected me for several years.Abused me physically, emotionally, psychologically. I almost ran mad, at a time I contemplated suicide. But for my kids….
What didn’t this man do to me? Was it the one he asked me to go to the back sit so Bimbo could sit in front on an occasion, or is it those few times he touched me when he was drunk. He would just throw himself at me and force me without even considering my state of mind(tear dropping).I can go on & on. But God say my pains, and rescued me.
Madam Jzhane, though he has been apologizing that’s the devil. Am scared, I don’t know what to do. He is still like a stranger to me.
I need you help plsss!
Judith,

Agege.



www.livelystones.com.ng

This email came from one of our friends months ago. Reading through it,the question that comes to mind is,why the society covers abuse instead of addressing it. Please read the post below and kindly drop your thoughts:



Dear Jzhane,

I have been reading your posts recently and I believe that you are doing a grt job. I dnt knw if u can help. I have a problem. I am 38years old. I have been married for 4 years. I have a lovely daughter .she is 2yrs old. My problem started 16 years ago when I went to live with my mum and her husband( My step father ). My parents divorced and my father married another woman who didn’t want to see me. So I had to live with my mum. For years, my mum had no child for her new husband. After a while, they started fighting, he would get drunk and beat her so much. One day.,he came back very drunk… Beat my mum and raped me. That was the worst day of my life. And also the beginning of my problems. He would beat my mum and rape me for several years. Even when my mother had 3 girls for him later on, he still continued. My mother refused to do anything because she didn’t want to leave him. After all, she kept ft her first husband. She didn’t want to face what people would say. My mother also warned me not to tell anyone. In my Ss2. I got pregnant. My mother aborted the pregnancy. My life was a living hell. Eventually, I left home to live with an aunt ..i didn’t tell her anything but I was torn. And bitter. I swore never to.....see more

www.Livelystones.com.ng

She is barely a teenager…how do I handle this?
Jzhane November 13, 2017 Ask Jzhane 3 Comments

Good day Madam Jzhane,

A friend introduced me to your site and I am now a regular visitor. You are doing a fantastic job. May God grant you more wisdom ma’am.
I am 20 years old, I have a childhood friend Nicholas, he is an only boy of four children. We all leave in suru-lere. Last week I call him that I will be visiting, am well known in his house likewise he too. I got him house at about 4pm and rang the bell, their last born Pamela open the door.
Moment I step into the sitting room, she (Pamela)said my friend was not at home if I would wait, and that she was the only one at home. Before she finish to get my response, she just put her hands around my neck and started to kissed me. I was dazed! I gently removed her hands and told shook my head as in I don’t feel you. She is just 12years and the last born.
Since the incident, the picture keep flashing in my mind.I have a lot of respect for their family in terms of moral up bringing. Now am wondering where did learn that from?
Now I don’t know whether to tell my friend or not. I don’t want to create a problem between me and the family and at the same time allow Pamela grow up to become so loosed.
Please advice if I should talk to my friend about it or not.

Jude

Please drop your comments.... www.Livelystones.com.ng

Dear Jzhane,

Am devastated!
I met junior on my first day in UI. As I was having issues with settling down and my clearance. I entered university with the mindset that i will not rush into in relationship that will be a distraction for the reason why I got to school in the first place.I was also prepare for any one who wants to take advantage of me as a jambite. But Junior change all that.
After all the help he rendered to me we start seeing each other ie he was checking up on me once in a while. He was a 6.5ft tall dark and handsome. But I caredless as I knew why I was in school, not to mess up myself. I will say its my up bringing.
After, some months, my room mate started to think we were dating, sometimes they tease me with it and I just blush it aside.
On a particular occasions he ask me to join him to a party, which I refused, that gave him the opportunity to express his feelings that very day. He told me, he has informed his friends that he was coming with his girl friend. I immediately corrected him that am not his babe, besides, I don’t have feelings for him, and truly I didn’t then. He left me unhappy that day.
I didn’t see him again for a long while, just when I was beginning to get his though off my head . My handsome dud showed up again. This time for Biz.....

Pls leave comments.....www.livelystones.com.ng

Dear M. J.

I have been reading your write ups and they are very inspiring and touching. I tried to reach you on phone but your numbers are not reachable, I believe it the network.
My name is Bolu, am 22years old. I met Muyiwa few months ago on my way back to Nigeria after my graduation and we ave been dating. I think am truly in love with him.He has been nice to me, caring and ravishing me with lots of gifts as he his from a rich home from my assessment. They live in Island, while my parent live in the mainland, Ikeja GRA precisely.
We are getting intimate by the day i.e kissing etc. But we have not had it yet because am not planning to loose my virginity so cheap or before marriage.
My problem started few weeks ago when I visited Muyiwa though not my first visit. I felt it a way of getting closer to the family of the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with and them knowing me as well. That day Muyiwa made his first advance for sex, which I bluntly rejected saying our relationship is just 6 months old and that it too early. He couldn’t hide his anger saying it a proof of my love for him. I could not sleep that night when I got home, cos I don’t want to loose him as am already getting fund of him. My parent and siblings call me Muyiwa at home.This is beginning to arouse the temptation to give in......

http://livelystones.com.ng/1329/

Another dear pregnant woman needs our advice and prayers:

This is my second pregnancy. When I discovered I was pregnant with our second child,we were very excited. Timi,our little girl was almost two years old,a perfect time to plan to enlarge our family. As usual,we started to plan for the arrival of the baby. I started my antenatal classes and all was well. I am presently in my second trimester,however,I am dealing with my husband’s attitude and behavior which is causing my blood pressure to rise.

Not long after I entered my second trimester,I observed that my husband was not into love making as usual. I mean,I was thinking he was being considerate by not allowing me to be under too much pressure but after a month,I became a little worried. He didnt even touch me for a full month. I then had to ask him what the problem was. He said he didnt want to bother me. I told him I wasnt complaining. Later on,he said its work stress. I decided to allow him rest. But I was still bothered as the second month is half way through and he still is not showing any interest in sex.

What is funny is that with pregnancy,there is a lot of emotions and hormones driving me. I feel very hormonal and really want my husband but he seems not interested. This is killing me.

I had to pick it up with him. I was so angry and told him he was denying me my right as a wife. He blurted by saying he cannot be aroused by the sight of a pregnant belly anytime he sees me. I am alarmed because,during my first pregnancy,we made love until the baby was born.

My gut tells me that something is wrong so I cannot let this go. I have cried my eyes so much. At my last ante natal,my BP was unusually high. My doctor had to ask me what the problem was. I finally had to tell him,I had to tell someone because it was really bugging me. I have actually thought of the possibility that he is cheating on me.

The doctor asked me to call my husband to see him. When I told him,my husband asked me why the doctor wants to see him,I told him. And that made him very angry. We quarreled and he actually walked out of the house that night.Again,I have been crying and really emotionally traumatized.

I had to speak to my elder sister about this matter. She counselled me to be patient and continue to pray for my husband. She does not want to talk about it to him because,it is obvious that my husband does not want to talk to anyone about it. He says he does not need anyone to counsel him on our sex life.

The reason I am writing this to you is because,I am so disturbed. I have tried to pray and not be bothered but its very hard. I am also afraid that he may truly be cheating. If that is true,I cannot wait to find out as I don’t want to loose my husband.

Please share with the group members,I really want sound advice on what to do.



From Maggie,

lagos



Source: www.livelystones.com.ng

Dear Madam J.

I am a married 33years old our marriage is almost two uears old and God bless us with a a baby boy that ia almost one year old. Am having issues with my husband and this seem like it will crash our marriage I had always fantasizes about will be an inspiration for others young couples to quickly get into marriage.Little did I know that the devil will come after the joy of my marriage belie two years.
We dated for two years and it was a beautiful court ship, I never had reason to doubt David love for me, he was lovin, caring and always there for me, i didnt hesistate when David proposed to marry me.All my friends were happy for me saying I was really Lucky to have a nice guy like David.
David changed over seven months ago when I was pregnant for our first child Melvin. David hangs out with this friend of his who is married and stays close to where we live till 10pm, 11pm every day.
I have tried to discuss this with him but each time I try it get upset and stay till 12am the following day. The last time i tried to get him to discuss this matter he hit me. I dont know where i have gone wrong because i know am a soft spoken person.This is really tearing my marriage apart and it almost making me run mad. and I don’t know what to do.
Pls help

Shola

Ajao Estate




Source:http://livelystones.com.ng/1317/

Hurray!!!…Its been an interesting ride,we are still getting to fix a few things but we really want to appreciate all of you who have been consistently visiting,commenting and sharing on the blog.

See more :
http://livelystones.com.ng/2017/11/09/1271/

Maggie and Tom were a couple who discovered that their love was long gone for each other because they had both changed so much over the course of marriage that they weren’t sure who the other one really was anymore. Both communicated very little with each other about personal things. They would exchange the customary greeting of “Hi, how are you” to which the other one would respond with the customary “yeah, fine. How are you?”. Any time they tried talking about anything more important than that, they just argued. So they didn’t talk about much more than that very often. But they didn’t have to. Both were very responsible, very professional and were able to plan and coordinate their children’s things with each other with little effort. In fact, their marriage was pretty low maintenance. Both had great careers, earned a lot, knew how to communicate well and were pretty self-reliant. But all this low maintenance and self-reliance left them both feeling distant from each other, alone and unhappy.

Throughout the course of therapy they had come to the conclusion that they just weren’t sure if they love this different person who sat next to them on my couch. After years of marriage, they both got busy in their careers and at first it was exciting to them to see their spouse doing new things and stretching themselves in new ways. But over time this meant that they both grew into someone the other one didn’t know very well. The one thing they had in common still was their children. They had three strong, vibrant and outgoing girls who were all teenagers now. This is what kept both of them from leaving a long time ago.
But Maggie and Tom didn’t want to waste their 25 years they had together so divorce wasn’t an option. They decided they would began talking to each other at night in an attempt to get to know each other once again.
Once this began happening they started connecting on a new level. They started finding new things about each other they found exciting: Tom discovered that Maggie like Indian food which he never knew before and he loved it too, Maggie found out that Tom liked a different kind of music than he used to like when they were dating. They also found new annoyances they didn’t like. She didn’t like the way he organized his calendar and he didn’t like the way she always let unknown phone numbers go to her voicemail first. These things excited each other and it was almost as if they were getting to know a new person. When they made love it was like making love to someone new. After connecting in this new way and realizing they really were in love each other (even though this person wasn’t the person they originally fell in love with), they stopped coming into therapy and thanked me for the help.
As with every story on my blog, this story isn’t based on a real couple. But many couples come to me with similar complaints: He/She’s not the same anymore, they’re not the person I married!. This is a good thing. Think about it, if you’re forty do you still want your spouse to act like they’re 25 like when you first got married? People necessarily change over time. This is good. What’s most important is that you keep getting to know each other and appreciate the changes your spouse is making. And the double bonus is each time you make love you can pretend like you’re making love to someone new. So don’t get upset or blame your spouse if they’ve changed since you first married them. A better thing to do is to ask yourself: Have I changed? And if not, Why not?
Source:
The Marriage and Family Clinic


Source: www.livelystones.com.ng

She is too clingy,is this love or what?
Jzhane November 8, 2017 Ask Jzhane 2 Comments

Dear Jzhane,

I met Toun in church. We started dating after getting to know each other like a few months later.

Truthfully,she is a nice girl.church girl,prayerful,faithful,respectful and all. We actually got engaged later on.

I love this girl but I am a bit worried about her attitude. she appears to be a bit clingy.

Here is what I mean:

If I dont call her everyday,she gets offended

If we are walking or going somewhere,she wants me to hold her hands

She wants to sit with me in church all the time. Or anywhere we go to,like a wedding.

One time I traveled on official assignment . I lost my phone on the trip so I couldn’t call her.

When I got back,she was so upset and broke up with me. She accused me of going to see a girl.

If she sees another girl with me,she gets upset. Starts asking questions and making the other person uncomfortable.

We have talked about this behavior several times ......See More




Source:http://livelystones.com.ng/she-is-too-clingyis-this-love-or-what/

Melissa is my direct line manager in the bank where I used work. She is a very beautiful,smart and intelligent young woman in her late thirties.

When I joined the bank last year as their IT manager,I was happy to be assigned to Melissa who was Head,shared services. Everyone liked Melissa. She was a very friendly person to work with. She is also one who likes to mentor young people,so everyone sortta likes to be around her.

Melissa and I worked on several projects together . As with working in the bank,some of the projects we worked on required working late hours and even weekends sometimes. Spending extra hours made me see even more how beautiful and sexy my boss,Melissa is. Sometimes,I used to think her husband was the luckiest man..I mean,I would stare at Melissa for a few minutes before catching myself. I am 31 years old,I used to be in a relationship I thought would lead to marriage but it didn’t work out. I used to day dream what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone like Melissa. She always sounds soft spoken,her smile is divine.



We were attending a top management retreat in January,the bank lodged us in a resort. After the sessions,many of us stayed back and hung out. One night,I walked Melissa back to her room. She invited me over as we had not concluded our gist. I stayed late in her room,when I checked,it was almost 1 am. I decided to take my leave but Melissa asked me to stay. I was stunned…excited ..long story short,I stayed back and we actually had sex ….I mean,made love. It was beautiful. It was amazing, just like I pictured in my mind several times. And I did not feel bad about it.It was like we knew we have been attracted to each other for a while. Throughout the retreat,I spent all spare time with Mel. We didn’t care who saw us. It was like we were on our honey moon and couldn’t get enough of each other. By the time the retreat ended,I was head over heels in love with my boss who is a married woman.

That was nine month ago. We have been dating after that . It was clear that Melissa was not in love with her husband. She said so herself. They have been married............Read More

http://livelystones.com.ng/husband-wont-give-divorcewhat-please-help/

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