₦airaland Forum

I have read alot of your articles on lively stone. Please help!

Am a mother single of three beautiful children, 2 gals and a boy. Am hard word raising my children alone after separation from my husband with little or sometimes no support. Am doing all to raise my gals to be responsible as they say children raise by women are always spoils children. I try to me with the basic needs of my kids and also ensure am their best friend. My first daughter is growing rapidly into a very beautiful gal cos I see how young guyz, men stare at her, even lots of her mate are always flocking around her.
She is just fourteen. Jzhane, my fear is her behaviour is beginning to change. I recently seized her phone because of the numerous calls from males friends which she claim they are just acquaintance. Now she always opt to go on short errand which I feel is because she wants to meet her admirers. Though I trust her but am very worried because she is just 14years. I know her father and his family are waiting to see the outcome of their future.pls how do I handle this as a single mother. I don’t want to be a laughing stuck.

Toju

Suru lere





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My name is Michelle (not real name). I am a 38 year old lady. I live in Abuja.I am single and searching. I also like to have some fun. Sometimes,I go to the club to mingle and have fun later on. I am not in any relationship and it seems the guys I meet are not ready to be in a serious relationship. A girl has needs and I will not be judged for trying to find a little happiness now and again.

One of the things I do to have fun is meet random guys on the internet. Its fun because you meet a guy,have great fun,no strings attached.

A very interesting thing happened with one of the guys I was chatting with online. I met Sky on twitter about a month ago. We then started talking to on whatsapp. We would talk for ours and talk real dirty. At times,we would send visuals of ourselves doing the dirty to each other.



After a while,we decided it was time to meet for a face to face and later on some action.

I met up with Sky that Thursday evening at a posh five star hotel. I had dressed to kill and I was sure Sky was going to collect that night after we had dinner.

I was shown to a table reservation that Sky had made for two of us. I was also given a room key. The hotel attendant said that Sky would be joining me soon. Not too long,a gentle tap hit my shoulder,I turned around and froze!

I turned and was staring right at my elder sister’s husband, Jide!

I was like: what is he doing here…and immediately I was like: Are you Sky?….He also was stunned,tried to say something but the hotel attendant came over and said,good evening Mr Sky!!!

I swear at that point,I was trying not to loose my balance so I quickly adjusted in my seat. Sky abi Jide also sat down. We both looked at each other and Jide started saying he is sorry. I mean,he started saying please don’t tell your sister,it would kill her. Please,I was just playing my fantasy. I didn’t really mean to go through with this”.

Am like,but you gave me a room key…but me and you have had phone intimacy like a million times…like we have done several unprintable things before this meeting...........


http://livelystones.com.ng/dirty-things-online-brother-law-trying-buy-silence/

Joan is my younger sister,she is the second to the last child while I am the second born in our family.I have always looked out for my younger sister. My parents always reminded me to be sure to do that.

Before Joan came to live with me,she was a doting and respectable younger sister. All that has changed now.

It all started a year and half ago. Joan began to date Raymond,a politician,in his late forties. I cannot tell how they met but I first discovered about their relationship when Raymond started coming to drop Joan at our house after they had gone out. I asked Joan why she didn’t want to bring in her friend to introduce to me but she said the guy was shy and not ready to meet her family until he was sure.At that point,I asked her his name,she said never mind. I had to tell her that I knew the owner of the car that was dropping her off. I told her that Raymond and I dated for a few months but broke up because I wasn’t comfortable with his lifestyle,he appeared to be lying about a lot of things like the fact that I had confronted him with a rumor of him having a wife and children in Ghana.

Joan finally admitted that Raymond had told her about me and how it didn’t work out because I was always listening to rumors about him. He stated that being a politician,his political opponents were always in the habit of spreading malicious rumors to discredit him. He said he didn’t need a woman who didn’t understand his career.

I thought Joan was joking,I warned her to stay away from Raymond but she laughed and said she was a big girl and can take care of herself. She continued to see Raymond and never for once did Raymond ever come inside our house to see me. Three months later,Joan moved out of my apartment to live with Raymond.......

http://livelystones.com.ng/sister-accused-jealous-relationship/

I love my dad with all my heart. My dad has been my hero all my life. He is a kind and doting father to all of us.

Born into a family of five,myself an my siblings can confidently say that we were given the love and care any child would want from their parents.

Our parents have been married for almost 18 years.

Two months ago,I started my Internship program at my father’s construction company . My father owns a construction company that employs over 200 staff members.

I went out with one of the project teams to visit one of our sites in Epe and we didnt come back to the office until almost 7pm. The company truck that took us back to the office was going to take me home but I saw that my father’s car was parked in front of the office so I decided to check on my dad and also join him to ride home.

I walked into my dad’s office hardly knocking because I felt it was quite late,there was no way he was having business meetings by this time,I thought.

As I got into his office,I saw my dad and the receptionist having sex on his office table!


I was stunned!…I was like,oh my god…Jesus f–cking christ..what da hell dad?

I turned and left the office,very angry and very stunned.

I didn’t go home straight after that. For the first time in my life as a 17 year old,I went to a bar and had drink for almost two hours. I finally left and got home around 11pm.

My mom was freaking out as she was wondering why I stayed out so late and when I came in,I was reeking of alcohol. she understandably was very upset with me and said my father would deal with me.

I laughed. My father......


http://livelystones.com.ng/caught-father-cheating-employeeshould-tell-mom/


Great nairalanders pls drop comments after reading full story on the site as some of the sender of articles are not on nairaland.

Thank you

Do you still believe in spell?

tayo60:
Start praying for him o may be he has been eaten efo.

Good day ma.

My brother is in love with a lady who is not in love with him. The lady has made it clear that she is not in love with him but he says he will not leave her alone. The lady in question does not look like someone who is ready to settle down. Frankly, she looks appears like one who is wants to eat her cake and have it. She likes to hang around with my brother and other guys, I feel she might break my brother’s heart. Myself and my other siblings have left Gary to his foolishness but recently, while watching a movie, a nollywood movie is, it occurred to me that my brother may be under a spell and he is unaware of it. Ma,could this be possible? If yes, how can the family help our brother…. He spends alot of money on this lady. Your advice and that of your commenters will be highly appreciated.

God bless

Geraldine


Source:www.livelystones.com.ng

Home > Ask Jzhane > Family > He is a flirt but he swears he is not responsible…

Jzhane November 3, 2017 Ask Jzhane, Family 4 Comments


Dear Jzhane,

Abeg,you people should help me sharp sharp. I am about to loose my mind and possibly my marriage.

I have been warning and cautioning Philip my husband he refused to listen. Right from the day we got married,Phillip has always been a flirt. He likes to look,I mean stare at women alot. He would even go as far as touching them if they allow.

When I first noticed this behaviour,he would always say he is just playing that he can never go as far as sleeping with any woman that is nit his wife. We have of course had so many disagreements based on this. But after five years of marriage,for my peace of mind,I have left the matter alone.

Now,a big problem has occurred. My neighbor and her husband stormed my house three days ago. They said that their house help is pregnant,and she has confessed that my husband is responsible for her pregnancy. My husband Philip is denying it. He said he only was friendly with her but he never went as far as sleeping with her.

There is serious katakata in our house. This is my worst nightmare. What kind of disgrace and embarrassment is this? I am finding it hard to believe but Phillip is swearing on his life that he didn’t do it. This is so sad because everyone knows how Phillip ”play”s with girls.

Phillip on the other hand is saying that a paternity test must be carried out,that he is not the father. I agreed to the idea and we communicated to the neighbor. The next day,we were told that the house girl has run out of their house..........



......Cont.

www.livelystones.com.ng

Bukola and I have been friends since 2007. We worked in the same telecommunications company as Call centre agents way back. At the time,I had to live with Bukola and her family in their surulere apartment as I didn’t know anyone in Lagos. I got a job after my NYSC in Lagos and I didn’t want to go back to Akure where I knew there was nothing waiting there for me.

Bukola is a very good girl,very kind and also very fake,materialistic and artificial. lol. I laugh because of the way I just described her . Right from time,Bukola has always loved the good things of life even though she is from an average family. She likes to dress to impress. She loved to attend parties even if she is not invited,she will sha show up..lol

Anyway,I don’t like that part of Bukola but I must say she has been a loyal friend to me. The only issue I have is that she likes to pretend that she has more advantages than me. For instance,she likes to believe that she has better looking body than me or her boyfriend has more money or is better looking than mine.

I really do not care about what she thinks of me but to be honest,her constant comparison can be very annoying. Many times I had pointed out that I don’t care for most of the things that she cares for.

Bukola got married in 2010 to Afolabi. A rich business man and they live in VGC. I am happy for my friend. At least,she got married to the type of man that she always wanted:someone rich!

After her marriage,Bukky never ceased to tell me how awesome and great a husband,Afolabi is to her and her children. I am truly happy for her.

On my part,I didn’t get married until 2014. It was not for any reason,it was when God decided to bring my own and I was grateful for that . Our marriages were different. Of course,Bukola’s case was filled with the flashy life and plenty display of wealth and posh everywhere and every time. Mine,we had everything we need and do not necessarily have to boast or show off.

What annoyed me however,was that anytime Bukky could find,she would always praise her husband and say to my face that mine was not doing well enough to take care of me. I told her off many times. I asked her to respect my choice for a husband as I do not get to compare mine with hers.

One day,my husband told me how he ran into someone who claimed to know that Bukola’s husband who has another wife and family in Canada. It turns out that Afolabi is married to a Canadian woman who has two children for him. Further investigation show that all of Afolabi’s investments and wealth actually belong to the woman.

At first,I didn’t believe it. I was shocked. Shocked that someone whom my friend has described so much as a saint and husband/father of the year could turn out to be a fraud. It turns out again that Afolabai’s people are well aware of this lie.

My delinma at the moment is,who will break this sort of news to my dear friend?I don’t think I should be the one o…she might accuse me of not being happy for her and trying to destroy her home.

Am I not being a good friend by minding my own business?���



From Ibikunle,

Lagos



Source: www.livelystone.com.ng

Dear madam,

I read your post yesterday about a couple who got married without their parents consent. well, their story has motivated me to send you my own story.

I had a wife. We got married about 12 years ago. We have four children ages from 11 to 6. Their mother and I were married for almost 9 years. We didn’t actually start out as married couples. We were in a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship until she got pregnant. We are both Ibos but from different states. When she got pregnant,we went to see her parents to inform them that we would be getting married. We didn’t want to have a child out of wedlock. After the introduction,my wife’s family was to get back to us when they wanted us to come for the traditional wedding. But about a week later,we were told that we couldn’t get married. That the wedding will not hold. When I asked why,I was told that their family had carried out investigation to discover that I am from a family who comes from a lineage of ”Osu”. Osu,for those who don’t know are people who are known as outcasts among the Ibos. Well, I thought they were joking because the Osu practice was practiced several years ago,in fact decades ago. But to our surprise,my wife;s family insisted. They held their grounds. My wife and I were heartbroken. We pleaded and pleaded. My family pleaded. We tried to let them know that Osu was outdated but they didn’t listen.....

Continue.................

..............................................www.livelystones.com.ng

Dear Jzhane,

I am very sad,please advice me.

Ike and I met in the UK four years ago during our masters study. We became quite close and began dating. A year later,Ike proposed to me. In 2015,Ike and I came home to meet our families. Ike’s parents and family lives in Enugu while my parents live in Benin.

Ike’s parents didn’t like the fact that Ike has engaged a non Ibo girl for marriage. They made it quite clear that they didn’t support the idea of our engagement. My parents on the other hand are Edo state,precisely from Benin. They thought that Ike’s parents dislike for me was a good reason to discontinue the relationship. Secondly,my father insisted that he would not be giving me out in marriage except Ike’s father lead the delegation for the introduction. It was hard to convince Ike’s parents. Ike and I were very distraught with the behavior of our families. We decided to get married in court without their consent. We also got married in church later on in 2016.

My parents especially my father is no longer speaking with me. He is so disappointed....

................continue

http://livelystones.com.ng/got-married-parents-wishes/

I remember waking up,feeling pains all over my body. I looked around me and saw blood all around me. I also saw that I was on the floor.

It all began to come back to me now. I tried to get up but I fell back . I finally grabbed myself together. That’s when I saw his face. He smiled like the devil that he was. I started to cry. He said:” I know you enjoyed it,get your slutty self out of my house”.

That was two months ago. It happened to me. It happened with my husband’s best friend,Ryan. Yes,I was raped by my husband’s best friend. And I am to blame for it.

Charles and I have been married for four years. We have a two year old son. Life was good until Charles relocated abroad. Charles is a top manager in an oil and gas multinational company. His company sent him to Germany to set up their branch,after setting up,Charles was asked to stay back and see the company take off for at least two years before coming back.

We both agreed that two years was not a long time,so there was no need to relocate with him. Besides, Charles tried to visit home every 3 to 4 months.

While Charles was away, I engaged myself with raising my son. I was not working at the time but from time to time,I would do supplies to companies.

My husband’s friend,Ryan visits us to check on us from time to time. On my son’s second birthday,my husband couldn’t make it and asked Ryan to be with us. We had a party and had fun. After the party,after everyone had gone,Ryan stayed back to gist a little. Both of us quite tired and had some little alcohol. As we gisted, we flirted a little. Ryan actually took my flirting as an indication that I wanted him. He didn’t pull back either. We kissed but thankfully,I was able to break free finally. After that night,I avoided Ryan and he avoided me as well.

My son’s grandma had my son for the weekend in Ibadan so I found myself alone all through. My husband and I talked for a while. He informed me that Ryan lost his brother . I told him I was not aware and he asked me to check on Ryan to comfort him.

The next morning,I went to see Ryan. His house was filled with sympathizers . I stayed a little and was about to take my leave but Ryan asked me to help him get a few things from the market. Seeing he was in no state to take care of himself,I agreed. I went shopping and returned. Ryan was not at home. I decided to help him make soup and stew. I did all that and rounded up just before 7pm. I was about to leave but Ryan came in. Apparently,he had gone out and was very drunk. He was happy to see me. he thanked me for helping him make food and wanted to hug me to say thank you. before I could refuse,Ryan was already holding me close,he forcibly kissed me. I began to resist but he kept saying I should stop fighting him as he knew I wanted him. I dont know but I tried hard enough,Ryan actually overpowered me and raped me. I passed out in the process. When I came to,it was almost 9pm.

I got myself and left Ryan’s place. I got home and wanted to call my husband immediately. Ryan sent me a text saying that its best we keep it a secret because he would tell my husband that I lured him. After all,I started it at my son’s birthday. He also said that if I don’t speak about it he promises not to speak about it.

I was so frightened. I cried for several days but I never told a soul.

Last week,I realized that I was late. I remember taking an emergency pill after the incident with Ryan. I couldn’t believe my case is now been compounded. The emergency pregnancy test is positive. I was totally and completely afraid and confused and all I want to do is take my life. How do I begin to explain to my husband how I got into this mess? Three days ago,I arranged and had an abortion. Now,all I can think of is how I have failed myself,my husband,my son…I feel so sad,depressed,pained and abused.

The only option left for me is to leave this world……



Anonymous,

From Palm Groove,

Lagos



Note from LS:

We are received the above post last week and we have been trying to help the lady in question. We would like to ask our readers for prayers and advice for this dear lady.

Thank you.





Sources: Livelystones.com.ng

Dear Jzhane,

I have a big mouth,yes I admit and I am so ashamed right now.

I met Obinna last year and he did admit that it was my bluntness that attracted me to him. I am someone who likes to say it the way it is. I am very blunt and direct.

Over the course of the relationship,Obi has also said to me that I should tone down my bluntness. I had then began to wonder: why this same h=guy who was attracted to my being very real is asking me to change.

I didn’t like that his suggestion. And frankly speaking,I felt like he wanted to control me.

We have quarreled about this a couple of times but we also reconciled.

If I am completely honest,I think that I take things a little too far. For example,the day Obi introduced me to his elder sister,the woman said to me that she didn’t like my tinted hair (which was gold)…and I told her that I didn’t like her nails. I told her also that my hair choice is my business. But I think I should have just kept quiet.

The last issue we had was two weeks ago,since that time,Obi has not been picking my calls. He is avoiding me. I don’t know if he doesn’t want the relationship anymore.

What happened was that Obi and I went for a party of his colleague who was having a house warming party. As we sat eating and drinking,Obi asked me to pick up his second phone which he left in his car. I was engrossed in the gist that was going on so I told him to go get it himself that I was not going to miss the gist. He said,babe,please go and get my phone a second time. At that point,I lost it and said,biko,am not your servant…leave me,either you get it yourself or stay without it.

As we sent home that day,Obi refused to speak with me. He dropped me off and that is the last time I have seen or heard from him. I have sent countless text messages (which I had to swallow my pride for) apologizing for my attitude. Yet,Obi has not reached out to me..

I thought about going to his place but I am scared he might not want to see me. The shame of open rejection,I cannot bear.

What do you think I should do? How do I win back Obi the love of my life?

More importantly,how do I change my behavior without loosing my self esteem?. I pride myself as a strong educated young woman,.I was raised to be very independent. I hate it when a woman is not allowed to express herself because it is believed to be a man’s world. Men don’t like women who are very outspoken but isn’t that prejudice? I know a woman should submit to her man but to what extent? Shouldn’t men be able to also accept a strong,opinionated and smart woman…

I guess I need to know how to balance this. Please help me.



From Sandy,

V.I,
Lagos




www.http://livelystones.com.ng/i-offended-my-boyfriendnow-he-is-not-talking-to-me-please-help-me/

One of the displeasure that come with being married is that sometimes,you and your spouse may have disagreements and quarrel over issues. People are different. People see differently. Just because you are married does not mean that you must begin t see things the way your spouse sees and understands. There are many reasons why couples ”fight” or argue. It could be as a result of differences in how to raise the kids, how to spend finances,infidelity,unmet expectations,etc.

When couples hit a rough patch, men and women want different things from their partner before they make up, new research suggests.

Whatever the cause of the fight,couple must find a way to resolve their issues. Some of the ways to make up after a fight include:

Wake up your spouse in the middle of the night and talk about the issues. Why middle of the night?Well,its not good to go to bed angry,is it? The bible says so:lol. Waking up to discuss in the night could mean that the couples have had some time to calm down and the wee hours of the night is really no time to start raising your voice: the kids and neighbors are asleep,you really dont want to wake them
After talking about the issue,regardless of who is at fault,apologize to each other. A study shows that Women seem to prefer heart-felt apologies and quality time. But men appear to prefer a kind gesture, particularly sexual favors.
Make up sex: A study published online recently in Evolutionary Psychological Science study showed that men believe that doing something nice for your partner or providing sexual favors was the most effective way to patch things up. In any case, a good love making has a way of bringing couples together and helps remind each other that they want each other much more than their disputes.
Make out time to spend time with each other: According to Wade :”Women may rate spending time together more highly because this behavior signals a partner’s willingness to invest effort and limited resources (e.g. time) into their romantic pair-bond. Such actions by a man may signal the likelihood of a potentially high parental investment which women prefer,” . Spend times by going to the movies,dinners,talk walks,or check into a hotel for the weekend.
Praying together: Praying together is another form of intimacy that can be very effective in helping couples make up after a fight. Praying together involves inviting God to the situation that may have caused the disagreements . A feeling of faith in God and each other is built up during prayer times together.
Buying of gifts: The general believe is that a gift maketh a way for a man. Even so with your spouse. A very thoughtful gift is a very good way of making up. The gift must be something that truly conveys how much the spouse feels. Beautiful flowers, posh cars( if the crime committed is very grave..lol) Not only wives,even husbands love gifts as a sign of making up.
Its important for married people even individuals intending to get married to realize that misunderstanding and fights come with marriage. The decision to make up and get back all the time is very critical to the survival of your marriage.

If you are married and you need more ideas or suggestions on how to make up with your spouse after a fight,please contact us for free.

email:Livelystonescares@gmail.com

phone: +234 8029 8703 09

phone: +234 9057 4283 13

facebook: @livelystonescares

twitter:@livelystonesng

instagram:@livelystonesng



Love,



Jzhane




Source: www.livelystones.com.ng

Dear Jzhane,

My neighbors have been living in the flat opposite me for almost a year. The husband and wife are always fighting. The man keeps beating the woman every night. When they start,they lock up their doors and they reject any attempt by anyone to come in and intervene. I am a young man ,not yet married. I tried to speak to the man one time but he asked me to mind my business. I also tried with the wife but she told me that they have been having issues but that they always settled their differences themsleves.

How do I help this couple when they clearly do not want anyone to help them? Can I report them to the police? Can it be seen as domestic violence when those enggaed in it do not see it as such?



From Terry,

Calabar,

Cross River

Sources: livelystones.com.ng

Six years ago,I worked as a P.A to a Lawyer in a prestigious law firm in Lagos. I was just out of school and I was very lucky to be employed to learn under such a well established firm. I took my job very serious. I wanted to impress my boss whom I saw as my mentor. I carried out tasks that were even out of my professional job description. I would run personal errands like go to the bank,go to the supermarket. Many times,I was asked to resume at my boss’s home. I became very accustomed to my boss family. All was well until almost four months later. My boss’s son who just relocated from the US took a liking to me. He started wooing me. I was thrilled to have caught the attention of such a handsome young man like Idris. I thought we were doing fine,I actually accepted to date Idris. We initially decided to hide the relationship from my boss,his mother. I thought it was because I felt it was not professional of me to be dating the boss’s son. Few months later,my boss found out about our relationship. She was very upset and she challenged me to end the relationship. Idris also agreed that we should end the relationship. We both went our separate ways. I also stopped going to my boss’ home in order to avoid running into Idris or raising any sort of suspicion. I worked with the company a few months later before securing a job in the legal department of an airline. I moved on with my life. As fate would have it,I ran into Idris in a night club months after my new job. It was like we saw each other and the feelings for each other was re-ignited. We started seeing each other after that. I discovered I was pregnant about two months into my relationship with idris. Idris wanted me to get rid of the pregnancy and I was going to do so but later on,I decided not to. Idris said he was not going to be a party to my plan to keep the pregnancy. This made me call his mom to inform her of the pregnancy. Idris mom called me all sorts of names,whores,thief,etc. She accused me of trying to ruin her family’s name with my pregnancy plan. I thanked her and told her she would regret this. I decided to keep the pregnancy and raise the child by myself.. I was heart broken and bitter for a longtime but I also swore that it would never be well with with Idris and his family. I had a very beautiful and healthy looking son in December of that year. That was three years ago. I received a phone call two days ago from Idris. He requested to see me. I told him I was not interested.His mother then called and started to plead with me to meet with her. We met in an eatery next day. Idris and his mother came together for the meeting. They came to ask me for custody of my son. As expected, I was mad,I refused and threatened to sue them if they dare try to lay claim to my son.I walked out of the meeting. Idris father called me last night to explain the reason for their request. He explained that Idris was diagnosed with Cancer. He had been given one month to live. They were begging me to allow Idris spend his remaining time on earth with his son. Well Karma is a real bitch! Who would have thought that such an arrogant family would be so humbled by sickness. I bear no ill for the sick but I am having a hard time to show any kindness to people who made my life hell at the time. I wrote this piece to remind all those rich and privileged people, life is not about your wealth,money cant buy you the most valuable gift: love,life and family. I rest my case.



Notes from LS:

Do you think the writer should forgive and allow her baby daddy’s family to take custody of her baby?
Why do seemingly rich folks despise the idea of marrying from less privileged individuals?

www.Livelystones.com.ng

My broda, marriage is beautiful, it's sweet. Don't be discourage by the many heart breaking/divorce stories around, we also have a lot of good marriages that both partners are committed to making it work. Like I mention in one of my response, our mindset is imperative in a successful marriage, because marriage is hard work. So don't be scared of getting married, prayerfully, God will lead you to a virtuous woman, and if you don't find one, create one. Its all depend on you.

sweet7oyin:
Nairaland would just make u hate marriage.....nawa o.....na to stay alone

Not in all cases...have seen cases where the woman pays the bills and she still adores n respects her husband. It all depend on the mindset we bring into marriage

Apina:
As I earlier said, who pays the bills make the rules

Dear Lively Stones,

My conscience is pricking me. I am consumed by serious guilt. And I cannot help myself.....

Read full post here :

http://livelystones.com.ng/2017/10/28/my-husband-pushed-me-to-find-happiness-outside/


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Do you have a story?
Please send in your story to:
Livelystonescares@gmail.com

These past few days have been very interesting on social media. There has been an ongoing debate and war about marriage an divorce.

What started out like an honest opinion from a popular artist has resulted to a very ugly argument that has resulted to name calling and all sorts of unprintable names.

So why is divorce such a bad topic for discussion? Why is there so much bruhaha and drama around it?

Is it because the bible says God hates divorce? Or is it because divorcees are stigmatized? Or is it because,as the popular singer stated,it has become trendy to be divorced?

Whatever views people have about this subject matter. Its very important to appreciate the fact that divorce is a serious matter. It should not be trivialized.

To be fair on both sides of the argument, valid points have been raised. No one is perfect. And marriage is hard work...oh yes,very hard work.

What the singer maybe was trying to portray was that many people do want to be married but are not ready to do the ''HARD WORK'' that comes with marriage. And if that is what he was trying to say,I totally agree with him.

Read full post here:

http://livelystones.com.ng/2017/10/26/divorce-mythfacts-and-reality/

Dear Lively Stones,

Last year,my marriage of two years crashed because my wife, Lydia was not straight forward with me when it comes to money and financial matters in our marriage. When I met Lydia about four years ago,she was working with a manufacturing company while I worked with a one man business as a marketing officer. Lydia was earning more than me at the time and frankly speaking,I never saw that as a hindrance. We got married two years after dating. That was when I started noticing the change in Lydia’s character when it comes to money issues. Unfortunately,like a year and half after we got married,my company was not doing too well hence they were late in paying our salaries for several months. While I dated Lydia,I tried my best to provide all it took to woo her. In the first year of our marriage,I noticed that she would always ask me for money to buy everything she needs in the house even though she was earning higher than me. I used to ask her why she does not contribute to the welfare of the house and she would reply me that her money is her money and my money is ours. That she is training her younger ones and sending money to her parents every month. Well, I did not bother too much,I tried to do what I could. However,in the second year of our marriage,when I started having financial difficulties,I couldn’t meet up with most of the responsibilities. That was when Lydia became something else. She would complain and rain insults on me for not giving her money for cooking or other up keep reasons. I used to explain to her that I didn’t have enough as before. She refused to understand and instead complained more. One time,our house rent was due,I asked her to borrow me some money to make up for the house rent but she refused saying that she had borrowed money from her place of work to augment some of the house keeping expenses she made. Anyway,our landlord gave us quite notice and we had to move into a one bedroom apartment from our three bedroom apartment.

A few months later. I ran into a friend of my wife’s family who has been like a family friend too. We met actually in a bus and we got talking,catching up during the bus ride. As we spoke,we talked about family life and he congratulated me on our house that we were building that was almost near completion.

I was stunned!. I asked him: ”what do you mean by our house”?. He responded that he was happy for us that we were almost completing the building of our house in Omole phase 2. I told him,I didn’t know what he was talking about. He obviously realized that he had said something I didn’t know about,he then asked me to speak to my wife. I pressed him further but he said he may have said too much.

When I got home,I asked my wife what the family friend said by congratulating us on the building of our house. She looked shocked.....see more




Source: http://livelystones.com.ng/my-two-year-old-marriage-crashed-because-my-wife-of-this/

Home > Jenny from the blog! > Is the sexual health of your marriage in jeopardy?
Is the sexual health of your marriage in jeopardy?

Jzhane October 25, 2017 Jenny from the blog! 4 Comments

”I am not in the mood” , Sheila said to her husband when he tried to make moves to have sex last night.

”Oh my God Sheila,I have had enough”!……screamed Jack her husband of almost three years.

Jack continued:

”You are hardly ever in the mood. Its either you are tired or you are on your period or some freaking excuse. Its been two weeks since we had that sloppy seconds and woman,I am damn tired of all this bullshit. Its either you change this behavior of yours or I will have no other choice but to find myself someone else who will be more than willing to satisfy my needs. For goodness sake,I have got needs woman!”.

Jack stormed out of the room and went to the guest room to sleep.

Sheila couldn’t believe what just happened. She started to cry. After a while,she stopped. She noticed that Jack didn’t come back to the bedroom as he usually does after they have their fights. Sheila always looked forward to the times Jack would come back and hold her,comfort her after they had fought or yelled. But this time,t was different. Jack slept in the guest room for the next few days.

The above situation with Sheila and Jack is the beginning of the breakdown of many marriages. Sad to say,many do not recognize the real problem they are facing. The problem is not lack of love or the urge for sexual intimacy. The real problem is lack of communication and understanding.





Sexual problems in marriages account for 45% of the reasons couple file for divorce. Husbands and wives may find themselves in a situation where they are having sexual problems leading to frustration,dissatisfaction and emotional breakdown.

Lets look at the some of the reasons couples go through sexual problems in marriage:

Frigidity: Native remedies defines as the term broadly used to refer to a low libido (sex drive) in women. This term is often used incorrectly to describe a woman who is emotionally cold or does not respond to her partner’s sexual advances. … In other cases, women may have difficulty being aroused or sex may even cause considerable pain or discomfort. Surprisingly, this situation can also affect men. Couples need education on this condition. Understanding and communication is also required. Understand that it is not that your spouse does not love you or want you but just like other mental disorders,frigidity is an ailment that affects them. The good news is that with love,understanding care and patience, anyone can overcome this condition. The problem however is that most people are not aware of the condition. Some are not patient either. For more information and resources on how to deal with frigidity,please read more on:http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/how-to-cure-frigidity-in-women-and-increase-female-sex-drive
Emotional distance: Couples may be love but be emotionally disconnected. Being emotionally aware means knowing when feelings are present in ourselves and others. Be in tune with the emotions of your spouse. Emotional awareness is difficult for men as men are generally known to be less emotional than women. However,a conscious effort to be aware of your emotions and the emotions of your spouse will greatly reduce the frustrations with sexual intimacy. Understanding the emotions of feelings of fear or pain or anxiety will help a spouse reach out to each other,helping each other find comfort and release. Talking about feelings also helps. The feeling that your spouse understands is very helpful.
Dissatisfaction: Couples should strive to ensure that the sexual intercourse is not a one way traffic. Most people get turned off from the idea of sex because of the feeling of dissatisfaction. Make an effort to pleasure your spouse during intercourse. Where necessary,seek medical attention to help improve sexual libido. Also, find exciting ways to spice up the sex life. Do fun things together from time to time
Other reasons: Sickness,unmet expectations,over work,raising children,stress,financial imbalance, loss of attraction towards spouse,overweight,etc…. among other reasons,cause sexual problems among couples
SOLUTIONS:

I could go on and on about possible solutions to the sexual problems faced by couples in marriage but all the solutions are hinged on one major thing:

COMMUNICATION!…COMMUNICATION!!….and more COMMUNICATION!!!

Couples need to communicate more. Talk about how you feel. Talk about the sex. Talk about how to improve your sex life. Do not leave your spouse to figure it out what to do about the situation alone. Work on it together. Explore together. Pray about it together…yes,pray…lol (so what has prayer got to do with sex?…dont ask me,just pray and testify later…lolzzzzzzzzz).

In communication,if done properly,you will find out how to please each other better,what the problems are and how to overcome them.

Sex is good for couples. God knows why he allowed it. It helps reduce hear conditions,overweight and promotes closeness.

Lively Stones is about helping people develop healthy relationships,if you feel you need professional help with addressing sexual problems in your marriage,our counselors are happy to speak or meet with you for free. Please reach out to us today. Note,all sessions with our counselors are private and client information will not be divulged without the authorization of client.



email:Livelystonescares@gmail.com
phone: +234 8029 8703 09
phone: +234 9057 4283 13
facebook: @livelystonescares
twitter:@livelystonesng
instagram:@livelystonesng


Yours Truly,



Jzhane�





Source: www.livelystones.com.ng

Home > Relationships > Holding on is getting tougher…
Holding on is getting tougher…
Jzhane October 24, 2017 Relationships 1 Comment
Dear Jzhane,

I love my fiancee,Abigail. We have been planning to get married as soon as we save up some money. We have been together for over two years. We decided not to have any sexual relations until we get married. I must say that with time,that has been really difficult for us. We want to be with each other. We kiss sometimes. But these days,with kissing,it does seem like we can no longer hold ourselves. I swear,at times,it takes a lot of courage to stop us from going further,very frustrating for us. My question is, we both know that we will be getting married as soon as possible,will it be such a bad idea to have sex at this point?We are not just dating,she is technically my wife. If not,how do we hold on a bit longer?



From Tega,

Benin



Source: livelystones.com.ng

My best friend is trying to steal my crush
Jzhane October 22, 2017 Dating 1 Comment

Dear Jzhane,

Please advice me on what to do. I have a crush on my brother’s friend. I have had a crush on him since my 300 level in the university. But he does not appear to be interested in me. I am also quite shy. I told my best friend whom I have known since childhood and she encouraged me to let this guy know but I couldn’t. Besides,he had a girlfriend. Not long ago,I found out that this guy has broken up with his girl friend. I decided to throw a party and invite him and my brother over. Perhaps to see if he can be interested in me. I told my best friend about this. On the day of the party,I couldn’t believe when I saw my best friend flirting with my crush. I was so angry but I tried to keep my cool. Through out the party,she stuck to him like glue,I didnt even have a chance to get close to him. After the party ended,I confronted my friend and she apologized,she said she thought she was just being friendly. Next day,I found out that my friend and my crush are now friends on facebook. I am so angry but does this mean its over for me?Can I still make my feelings known to this guy?What if he rejects me?



Source: www.livelystones.com.ng

She hates my beards…should I dump her?
Jzhane October 23, 2017 Ask Jzhane No Comments

Dear Jzhane,

My girlfirend does not like my beards. Infact,since we started dating two years ago,she has been complaining about my beard. She wants me clean shaven,but I love my beards and I think they make me look very cool and sexy. We have had arguments about my beard non stop. Last time she threatened to break up with me if I dont shave off my beard. Maybe I should dump her first before she dumps me. There are many ladies who will love me and my beard. Haba,ladies and their wahala self. Should I dump her or should I shave my beard?



Rick,

Lagos,


Source: livelystones.com.ng

How do I win my step children?…their aunty is poisoning their minds….
Jzhane October 23, 2017 Ask Jzhane No Comments

Dear Lively Stones,

My name is Mary. I am 42 years old. I git married about six months ago to a widower. My Husband Michael has two children from his late wife who died of breast cancer. I love Michael and his children very much but his children have not been able to accept me. They are 11 and 14 year olds. While we were dating,I met the children several times and did every thing I was advised to do to win them over but they seem not to like me. At some point,I suspected that their late mother’s sister who was taking care of them was the one poisoning them against me. Their aunt,Kemi always seemed to me as unfriendly. Initially she made it difficult for me to even come close to the house or the children. Michael’s wife died almost three years ago. About a year later,myself and Michael started dating. Through out the courtship period, the only problem I had was with Michael and his kids and their aunty. I let Michael know about this and he explained to me that the kids were very close to their mum. He encouraged me to be patient with them and try to win their love. I bought them gifts,I took them out for movies,etc. In reality,I think the kids wanted their father to marry their mother’s sister. Even my friend confirmed that Kemi was acting like the wife and mother when we visited. The children would rather call their aunty Kemi when they have problems.maybe in school,and Kemi would use that opportunity to race down to our house. I realize that this situation is dicey. I almost changed my mind in the process but Mike kept reassuring me. Another reason I stuck it out is because age is not even on my side. I was past 40 years and I had never been married.

Another major issue I have is that Michael’s late wife’s......see more

Source: http://livelystones.com.ng/how-do-i-win-my-step-children-their-aunty-is-poisoning-their-minds/

Has he lost hope in us?
Jzhane October 22, 2017 Ask Jzhane No Comments

Dear Jzhane,

Harold and I have been married for six years. We have been TTC for several years but it has not happened yet. Anyone trying to conceive after such a long time in marriage understands how tough this can be for any married couple. What is sad is that,the year before we got married,I got pregnant for Harold twice and we aborted twice. That was because we were not ready and not married then. Six years is a long time but Harold has assured me that God’s time is the best. However,the past two weeks have been giving me cause for worry. Harold works with a telecoms company and his job as Head,Corporate Brand manager has never made him work as late as he has been doing for the past two weeks.When I inquired about this sudden change in behavior,Harold kept telling me that there are tasks he has to finish before coming home. Two nights ago,Harold came home by 11.30pm. I was in tears,asking him why he came home so late. He then told me that there was no point coming home early a there were no children to welcome him home. I cried myself to sleep that night. The next morning, Harold apologized partially for his statement but before I had anytime to speak to him,he had to leave for work. Again,last night,he came back from work just a few minutes before 11pm. I dont know what to do. Its clear that Harold is taking our TTC situation very hard. He used to be the one to assure me and comfort me anytime I feel sad about this. Now,I dont know what to do. All the tests I have carried out show that there is nothing wrong with me. Harold has refused to go for any test as he says there is nothing wrong with him. I dont know what to do,I am really pained,I need a miracle. I dont want to loose my husband. I dont know if the late nights he is keeping is due to work or maybe he is seeing another person. Please what can I do,please pray for me as well. I dont think I have much strength to bear this much longer.



From Nancy,

Ogudu GRA,

Lagos


Source: http://livelystones.com.ng/has-he-lost-hope-in-us/

I dont want to leave my church,is this a deal breaker?
Jzhane October 21, 2017 Ask Jzhane 1 Comment

Dear Jzhane,

My fiance and I have been together for over three years. We love each other and are from the same state. We love each other so much but there is a problem preventing us from taking the next step: we belong to two different churches.While, most people see it as no big deal,it is for me. All my life I have been a Catholic church member. My parents, my grand parents too. I am actually very proud of my faith as a committed Catholic. My Fiance belongs to a Pentecostal church. He expects me to stop going to the catholic church and join him in his church after we get married. Truth is,I really dont want that. I know we serve the same God but the things I have learnt from being a catholic,I dont want to let go. I feel the virtues I have from the catholic church made me who I am today. I asked my fiance to allow me continue with me faith after marriage and he said if I insist,maybe it is better we end the relationship. I love this guy,I dont want to loose him. Compromising my stand as a catholic will make me sad for the rest of my life,is love enough reason to let go? Perhaps,my fiance may change his mind after the marriage?Kindly advice me,what should I do? Do you know anyone with similar expereince as mine,how did they address this?



From Marlyn,

Oregun,Lagos


Source: www.Livelystones.com.ng

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years on and off. Our relationship is not the typical type. We met in a club,flirted and slept with each other after. Brian and I have been in a tumultuous relationship ever since. Brian has never been one to be monogamous. He has been with several ladies at different times in our relationship. Many a times,we have broken off because I couldn’t handle his randiness. But for some odd reason,we would always make up and I am crazy in love with this man.

There were times where I made up my mind to leave him,I would block his line,refuse to see him for months. Brian is such a handsome man. Maybe that is my weakness and undoing. He is also an amazing lover. He calls me his wife. He said he may be cheating with other ladies but only one woman has his heart and that is me. I do believe that because anytime I meet him with another girl,he sends them away.

I have fought and chased several girls away,threatening fire and brimstone if they didn’t leave my boyfriend. But trust girls,they know I cannot lay claim to Brian as we are not married.

On the subject of marriage,Brian keeps telling me that I should be patient that he is thinking about it but he is just not ready yet.

Recently,I have been thinking of getting pregnant,perhaps to ensure that Brian and me are tied together forever. He may not marry me but I want him to love me forever. Apart from being a womanizer,Brian is an amazing guy. Now,in truth,what man isnt a womanizer. Even the so called holy holy men,they all do it secretly. So Brian being honest with me is something I think I can live with. Also,people change,with age and a perhaps a baby,things might be different.

I love Brian so much,no other man makes me feel the way he does. Can a baby save us?

Your candid advice is needed. If you decide to share this story on your blog,please I would like for people not to attack me but advice me based on my questions. I already know my situation is not what normal people would appreciate but the heart loves who it loves,and I love the man I am with…



From Samantha,


Aguda,Lagos.



Source: http://livelystones.com.ng/?s=i+am+in+love+with+a+womanizer

No naa...If he kills her out of anger. The law will come down heavily on him. There are better ways to deal with her without taking her life

DeadRat:
This Is Just Annoyin... Just Shoot Her The Day She Comes To Your House

met Tim during my houseman ship program in a hospital in Ibadan a seven months ago. He and his team had come to the hospital to organize health talks for Women. After the meeting we exchanged details and started dating not too long after.

Tim is a really good man of about 34 years old. Two months into our dating,he proposed to me. I thought he was joking but I told him it was too soon. We agreed to give it some more time. Tim was married previously to a lady whom he said he divorced because she was incapable of taking care of him,their daughter and she was also having an affair. They were married for almost five years.

I met Tim’s cousin who came to visit one day. I asked the cousin about Tim’s ex wife and was told that the ex wife was such a bad woman that she an Tim fought virtually everyday in their marriage. Tim’s cousin said the ex wife also beat up Tim’s mother when she came to visit one Christmas period. This report of Tim and his wife fighting is making me nervous.I am wondering why Tim would be fighting with a woman. I am wondering if he would also be the same with me if we get married. From his cousin also,I learnt that Tim’s daughter died one day as him and his ex wife fought. They had fought so hard that there were broken bottle around. It happened that in the heat of the fight,the child who was in the way of the fight fell on her neck on among the broken bottles. That was the last straw that broke the camel’s back and led to their separation.

The second thing that is of great concern for me is that Tim’s parents are also divirced. Tim has never said anything about his parents divorce. But he took me to meet his mother two months ago and when I asked about his dad,Tim said he does not live with them. I had to meet the dad a few weeks later in another part of the town in his apartment. I wanted to ask Tim why his parents are living apart but I decided to allow him tell me himself so it would not appear that I am being too nosy. So far,Tim has not brought up the subject.

Lastly,I see that Tim is extremely close to his mother. They appear to me too close for comfort. I don’t know but I suspect that may have contributed to Tim’s ex wife behavior and eventually the breakdown of their marriage.

Tim has been nothing but kind and warm and nice to me. However,seven months into dating,I am scared that he is yet to discuss the real issues with his former marriage. I am also scared of bringing up the concerns I have as I feel that he may accuse me of snooping around. I love Tim. He introduces me to everyone as his Fiancee. My friends think I am lucky to have found someone who loves me the way Tim does but I am worried that Tim may not be as perfect as he portrays.

How do I move forward with this? Kindly advice me,are my fears valid or Should I just forget about the things I have heard about Tim and observed about his parents and move on?

Help me please!

From Tamera,

Ibadan.


Source: http://livelystones.com.ng/his-ex-wife-and-ex-life/



Note: Tamera can only read your comments from the whatsapp group, FB or livelystones

Angela was the love of my life. I met her about 11 years ago,she had just gotten admission to study pharmacy in the University of Nigeria. She came to our compound to tell her friend, a neighbor’s daughter Ifeoma, that she had just gotten admission to study in the higher institution. At that time,I just finished my youth service and just gotten a job with one of the banks.

Angela had come to see her friend Ifeoma that Saturday morning. I sighted her as she struggled to open our gate. I came downstairs to assist her. I asked her who she came to see. After that, Angela and I became friends.

It was not hard to actually fall in love with her. She was a smart,funny and very beautiful girl. In the middle of her first year at school,Angela’s father lost his job as a Security man and it became very difficult to cater for their family,talk less of taking care of Angela’s educational expenses.

At the time,I was very sure I was in love with Angela. I immediately began to take up her educational responsibilities. I assured her parents that they did not have to worry ,I was willing to do all I could to see this beautiful girl through school.

To cut the long story short, five years later,Angela graduated from the university with excellent results. I paid all her school fees,accommodation,clothing,etc throughout her stay in school. Her family and herself were very grateful to me. My family already knew Angela and her family as well. My family referred to her as our wife.

After youth service, Angela came back to Port Harcourt and we started actively looking for a job for her. I had spoken to a few friends who promised to assist.

One Thursday afternoon,I got a phone call from a friend of mine in a big pharmaceutical company that they had an opening for Angela to come and occupy. I was ecstatic. I delayed the news until I got home. I made up my mind to tell Angela on Saturday about her new job as well as propose to her formerly asking her to marry me. All these years,I had made my intentions known to Angela. She kept saying she couldn’t wait to be called Mrs Ude (not my real name please).

Saturday came,I called a few of my friends and planned a surprise engagement for Angela that Saturday in a very posh hotel. I drove to Angela’s house to pick her up for the surprise.

On getting to Angela’s house,there were several cars parked outside the compound,it was obvious that there was a party going on in the compound. As I entered the compound,one of Angela’s relative who knew me cornered me and took me outside. I asked him what was going,I asked him if somebody died or what. He told me that the family was having an engagement party for Angela!

At that point,I thought it was April fool’s day kind of prank. I told him I wanted to see Angela. He advised me not to,to avoid embarrassment. I insisted and went back to the house. Inside their sitting room,I saw Angela dressed up in traditional attire,sitting down on the lap of a young man. When I was sure she had seen me,I turned back and left the compound.

Angela called me later that evening to say that she was sorry but that she had met someone who she decided to marry and go to live with in Germany. I was devastated. I asked her why she did this to me and she had the guts to say thank you for all you did,I will try and repay you for your kindness.

As days went by,information reached me that Angela had been seeing the young man she got engaged to from youth service. They had dated and everyone knew that except me. The young man was going to study in Germany and wanted to engage Angela before leaving. The young man has bought a car for Angela’s father and mother.

All these happened four years ago. I was a very broken man after what Angela did but eventually,I started to pick up the pieces of my life to move forward.

Last week,I received a very long email from Angela. She was asking me to forgive her that she had finally realized that she was very wicked to me after all I had done for her. She said that she found out that the man she got engaged to was a ritualist who charmed her and perhaps wanted to use her for rituals. I was really surprised to hear from her as I thought she had long gotten married to this fellow.

When I inquired,I was told that after the engagement,the fellow left for Germany with the promise that he would send for Angela later on. Four years went by and the man never came back for her. It was discovered from a lady’s facebook pictures that that the man had gotten married to a white lady in Germany and had moved from Germany to America.

My story sounds very unreal,like could this have happened to someone like me in this generation. But sadly it did. People,especially ladies are very greedy. Even after four years,I find it very hard to trust ladies.

Angela’s mom came to my family’s house I was told yesterday to beg. She kept crying and saying that her daughter was charmed. Somehow,I think my mother believes the story a little. She called me this morning to pray about it and consider. She said that God had revealed to her that Angela was my wife. That was why the plan with the other man didn’t work.

Seriously mum?…I cant believe this,can anyone believe the story by Angela and her family that they were all charmed?

Whats your take on this please?



Anonymous,

From Port Harcourt


Source: http://livelystones.com.ng/after-four-years-and-betrayalshe-wants-to-come-back/