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CareerRe: Life As A Nigerian Graduate Can Be So Frustrating by pak: 7:28pm On Aug 15, 2011
. . .
Jobs/VacanciesRe: A Company Needs A Php Programmer In Abuja by pak(op): 7:09pm On Aug 15, 2011
I initially did not bother to put closure on this thread but after reading opewins derogatory remarks,
I have decided to do so.

We have recruited a full graduate for the position (and so far it has proved to be a wise decision),
none of the corp members I interviewed scored above average in the tests.

Thanks for all the postings and comments on the thread.
and to those seeking gainful engagements, I wish you all the very best.
PoliticsRe: NLC Calls Off Strike Action? by pak: 9:42am On Jul 20, 2011
Reference:
Agree with most of this except this (bolded). And this depends on from what perspective you view it. Most Nigerians unfortunately consider what they afford as a basis for the bottom-line. But this is wrong because you should rather consider what you produce. If you don't you create an imbalance which is called inflation.

Consider this scenario. A farmer has a piece of land and earns 1,000 naira a month cultivating cassava. He can do three things to raise his disposable cash - cultivate more land, raise his prices or borrow. Generally these options are mutually exclusive, i.e. it is very unlikely if you get into one, you'd like to take the other option. Nigeria has found itself in a position where because it has been perpetually locked in option 3, it has not been able to take options 1 properly, and is very dependent on others for 2.

If you want to find out the true state of economics in Nigeria, the private sector is a more realistic barometer. When the going is good they expand, when it is rough they contract. Does this happen with the public sector, no. Government and its wage bill has spiraled well out of control while real industries, real companies and the private sector workers have largely been thrown into the employment claptrap.

That is why today we have reached a situation where most states cannot pay this new wage without icing over capital development. However I don't really pity government, it employed these fellows in the first place. As we speak there are interviews being conducted left, right and centre into various institutions - the military, police services, NNPC, etc. To me this is just piling up problems for the future. They are not needed. The test of employment, promotions and wage increases should be productivity. Anything else is futile. Now it is not as if everything in government works - there is no electricity, security, bad roads, no steel from Ajaokuta (in those days yet salaries were paid). What are you increasing salaries for.

This only creates inflation and transfers incredible stress to the private sector and worst of all imbibes a mindset that promotions are a time based thing only and wage increases relate to cost of living. I have friends in the private sector who have been on fractional salaries for ages now for not meeting targets - a consideration for increases non existent, but that is the reality. Some companies have limits. When the wage bill exceeds a certain percentage of income they start sacking immediately. That is the reality. Like I said yesterday I would be surprised if the savoury effects of this increase are felt beyond October.

Those of us who try to do our bit are poised to increase prices too because private sector workers are Nigerians too and if we struggle to push more stuff to the markets (because of high operating costs) then prices have to go up. We say it again 'when are we going to strike to have our infrastructure fixed, when.'
God bless 'reference' - insert real name here.

You've made some great points there.

I just believe there is so much sycophancy both within and outside government amongst the decision makers in this country.

However, i still do think that the average nigerian worker earns too low. When your take home at the end of the month can not cover your basic needs then we have a situation in our hands.


This chart from the UN shows that almost 80% of nigeria still live below poverty line less than N200($1.25)/day.



By the way, are you an economist or pol. Scientist and do you work in abuja ?

PoliticsRe: NLC Calls Off Strike Action? by pak: 9:26am On Jul 20, 2011
ufofex:
@ pak

Did you say you are not an economist? You just qualified as one. Great line of thought smiley
Thanks man.
Hope you can give me a certification to back the qualification you just bestowed on me. It might be of help to my cause to secure a wage increase from my employers  smiley







BlueDiva:
@pak
You"ve made a lot of sense.

Increasing the salary of civil servants would not lead to inflation becasuse civil servants are just a fraction of the workforce of the nation.

Increasing the income of both government and private workers will be what would lead to inflation, since then, they would be too much money in circulation, which then affects the demand and supply curve.

My opinion though.
As I said, I think I'll keep my opinions on trying to maintain parity between govt and private workforce pay for now .

If you look at the model in India where Govt Jobs are the most sought after, then you will realise that we need a holistic approach to the issue, not just random wage increases. and I think reference's posts also clarifies some issues.

By the way, I think civil service Jobs are not 'just a fraction' of the workforce but a major percentage. Infact, apart from a state like Lagos and few others where you have high level of industrialization. Civil service makes up to about 80% of the white collar workforce. Just try going to Plateau, Adamawa, Katsina and even states like Ondo e.t.c. I do not have empirical data but am quite sure.
BusinessIs Increase In Minimum Wage Really Beneficial ? by pak(op): 8:06am On Jul 20, 2011
Is it just me ?
or
do i need more education on this issue.

I think the importance of increasing the minimum wage has been over-bloated by our labor leaders to serve their own purposes/ego.

I TOTALLY AGREE THAT THE INCOME OF MOST NIGERIAN WORKERS IS JUST TOO LOW.

But is the solution just to give everybody(worker) more money, I seriously do not think so.

I am not an Economist but my basic knowledge of economics tells me that
Increasing salaries ACROSS BOARD do not improve the standard of living of the populace, why ?

because at the end of the day we'll still buy from the same markets, rent from the same set of available accommodation and send our kids to the same pool of schools and you know what happens next, the forces of demand and supply do their trick.

If a section of the workforce e.g. the police have their salaries increased,(I believe this is important, considering the sensitive nature of their work, that's why many of them are damned corrupt, and while we are at it, we can also increase the minimum qual. and training for the force - my thoughts)
then we can talk of marked improvemnts in standard of living of that group.


I remember back in sec. sch when many used to claim that Nigeria is rich enough to improving the living standards of the citizen by distributing N1m to each and every Nigerian
I felt that line of thinking sounded silly, I still think so now.
The sad part is that even educated people still believe in such bunkum.

General increases in salary only increases the money in circulation and even some economist will argue that it has adverse effects on employment.
I think the emphasis should be on IMPROVED INFRASTRUCTURE, POWER , ACCESS TO HEALTH CARE, GOOD QUALITY ACCOMMODATION/EDUCATION AT AFFORDABLE PRICES, SECURITY etc. .

Increasing money in circulation will only benefit those who control the economy - THE RICH (yeah, you heard me right). The resources will still flow back to them.

They control the markets and the money ends up in the market, right ? ? ?

I remember way back then, My mum earned less than N400 per month, but guess what, she paid the school fees of like four kids, paid for accommodation (3 bedroom flat in lagos) and other living expenses with that salary. Now a N400 can only fetch you a plate of garri (not even enough for pounded yam).

I think (from my little knowledge of economy that the best situation will be to have little money in circulation but with a very high purchasing power. In that way, the impact of poverty will be felt less, cos little will achieve much).

I will so much appreciate contribution from seasoned/knowledgeable folks on economics. I am always willing to bow to superior knowledge.
but pls dont respond to this post with the line that senators are earning 100000000000000000000naira/second. Cos simply, if the earnings of the political class is too high, then simple solution is to have it decreased (seems more logical to me , or am I missing something here).
but to use that as a justification to increase the minimum wage of the remaining 100 million Nigerians is simply anarchy, Truth is at the end of the day, the percentage increases in their own paypack will always outstrip yours and the vicious cycle continues.

If the minimum wage was about ensuring parity between civil servants and their private counterpart (I have my opinions on this too but that's a topic for another day), then maybe the whole brouhaha might have some points.
but I dont think that's the goal anyway.


So I'll like to hear from you guys, I mean logical takes not just the sentiments or shouts of 'we are hungry, we are hungry'. I think we need a more intellectual approach.



PS: and I also think the agitation for the uniform implementation of the minimum wage across states is unfounded. I mean some days back i decided to get some condiments to fry eggs (dont mind me, I just love fried eggs)
and in the town where I am presently, N30 worth of tomatoes,pepper . . . was TOO MUCH, had to tell the seller to reduce it, that I didnt need that much.
That same set of goods will cost you about N150 in abuja (ain't kidding), so the issue is if the market realities in each and every locality is different, how do you now use the same yardstick to determine how organisations (both Govt and private) pay their staff. In the US, each state determines its own minimum wage so why not Nigeria, why not let each develop at its own pace.
Why should Katsina (for example) forced to keep up with Lagos or Ekiti forced to have the same policies as Adamawa. ? ? ?
PoliticsRe: NLC Calls Off Strike Action? by pak: 8:01am On Jul 20, 2011
Is it just me ?
or
do i need more education on this issue.

I think the importance of increasing the minimum wage has been over-bloated by our labor leaders to serve their own purposes/ego.

I TOTALLY AGREE THAT THE INCOME OF MOST NIGERIAN WORKERS IS JUST TOO LOW.

But is the solution just to give everybody(worker) more money, I seriously do not think so.

I am not an Economist but my basic knowledge of economics tells me that
Increasing salaries ACROSS BOARD do not improve the standard of living of the populace, why ?

because at the end of the day we'll still buy from the same markets, rent from the same set of available accommodation and send our kids to the same pool of schools and you know what happens next, the forces of demand and supply do their trick.

If a section of the workforce e.g. the police have their salaries increased,(I believe this is important, considering the sensitive nature of their work, that's why many of them are damned corrupt, and while we are at it, we can also increase the minimum qual. and training for the force - my thoughts)
then we can talk of marked improvemnts in standard of living of that group.


I remember back in sec. sch when many used to claim that Nigeria is rich enough to improving the living standards of the citizen by distributing N1m to each and every Nigerian
I felt that line of thinking sounded silly, I still think so now.
The sad part is that even educated people still believe in such bunkum.

General increases in salary only increases the money in circulation and even some economist will argue that it has adverse effects on employment.
I think the emphasis should be on IMPROVED INFRASTRUCTURE, POWER , ACCESS TO HEALTH CARE, GOOD QUALITY ACCOMMODATION/EDUCATION AT AFFORDABLE PRICES, SECURITY etc. .

Increasing money in circulation will only benefit those who control the economy - THE RICH (yeah, you heard me right). The resources will still flow back to them.

They control the markets and the money ends up in the market, right ? ? ?

I remember way back then, My mum earned less than N400 per month, but guess what, she paid the school fees of like four kids, paid for accommodation (3 bedroom flat in lagos) and other living expenses with that salary. Now a N400 can only fetch you a plate of garri (not even enough for pounded yam).

I think (from my little knowledge of economy that the best situation will be to have little money in circulation but with a very high purchasing power. In that way, the impact of poverty will be felt less, cos little will achieve much).

I will so much appreciate contribution from seasoned/knowledgeable folks on economics. I am always willing to bow to superior knowledge.
but pls dont respond to this post with the line that senators are earning 100000000000000000000naira/second. Cos simply, if the earnings of the political class is too high, then simple solution is to have it decreased (seems more logical to me , or am I missing something here).
but to use that as a justification to increase the minimum wage of the remaining 100 million Nigerians is simply anarchy, Truth is at the end of the day, the percentage increases in their own paypack will always outstrip yours and the vicious cycle continues.

If the minimum wage was about ensuring parity between civil servants and their private counterpart (I have my opinions on this too but that's a topic for another day), then maybe the whole brouhaha might have some points.
but I dont think that's the goal anyway.


So I'll like to hear from you guys, I mean logical takes not just the sentiments or shouts of 'we are hungry, we are hungry'. I think we need a more intellectual approach.



PS: and I also think the agitation for the uniform implementation of the minimum wage across states is unfounded. I mean some days back i decided to get some condiments to fry eggs (dont mind me, I just love fried eggs)
and in the town where I am presently, N30 worth of tomatoes,pepper . . .  was TOO MUCH, had to tell the seller to reduce it, that I didnt need that much.
That same set of goods will cost you about N150 in abuja (ain't kidding), so the issue is if the market realities in each and every locality is different, how do you now use the same yardstick to determine how organisations (both Govt and private) pay their staff. In the US, each state determines its own minimum wage so why not Nigeria, why not let each develop at its own pace.
Why should Katsina (for example) forced to keep up with Lagos or Ekiti forced to have the same policies as Adamawa. ? ? ?
PoliticsRe: Nationwide Strike Starts Tommorow by pak: 7:57am On Jul 20, 2011
Is it just me ?
or
do i need more education on this issue.

I think the importance of increasing the minimum wage has been over-bloated by our labor leaders to serve their own purposes/ego.

I TOTALLY AGREE THAT THE INCOME OF MOST NIGERIAN WORKERS IS JUST TOO LOW.

But is the solution just to give everybody(worker) more money, I seriously do not think so.

I am not an Economist but my basic knowledge of economics tells me that
Increasing salaries ACROSS BOARD do not improve the standard of living of the populace, why ?

because at the end of the day we'll still buy from the same markets, rent from the same set of available accommodation and send our kids to the same pool of schools and you know what happens next, the forces of demand and supply do their trick.

If a section of the workforce e.g. the police have their salaries increased,(I believe this is important, considering the sensitive nature of their work, that's why many of them are damned corrupt, and while we are at it, we can also increase the minimum qual. and training for the force - my thoughts) 
then we can talk of marked improvemnts in standard of living of that group.


I remember back in sec. sch when many used to claim that Nigeria is rich enough to improving the living standards of the citizen by distributing N1m to each and every Nigerian
I felt that line of thinking sounded silly, I still think so now.
The sad part is that even educated people still believe in such bunkum.

General increases in salary only increases the money in circulation and even some economist will argue that it has adverse effects on employment.
I think the emphasis should be on IMPROVED INFRASTRUCTURE, POWER , ACCESS TO HEALTH CARE, GOOD QUALITY ACCOMMODATION/EDUCATION AT AFFORDABLE PRICES, SECURITY etc. .

Increasing money in circulation will only benefit those who control the economy - THE RICH (yeah, you heard me right). The resources will still flow back to them.

They control the markets and the money ends up in the market, right ? ? ?

I remember way back then, My mum earned less than N400 per month, but guess what, she paid the school fees of like four kids, paid for accommodation (3 bedroom flat in lagos) and other living expenses with that salary. Now a N400 can only fetch you a plate of garri (not even enough for pounded yam).

I think (from my little knowledge of economy that the best situation will be to have little money in circulation but with a very high purchasing power. In that way, the impact of poverty will be felt less, cos little will achieve much).

I will so much appreciate contribution from seasoned/knowledgeable folks on economics. I am always willing to bow to superior knowledge.
but pls dont respond to this post with the line that senators are earning 100000000000000000000naira/second. Cos simply, if the earnings of the political class is too high, then simple solution is to have it decreased (seems more logical to me , or am I missing something here).
but to use that as a justification to increase the minimum wage of the remaining 100 million Nigerians is simply anarchy, Truth is at the end of the day, the percentage increases in their own paypack will always outstrip yours and the vicious cycle continues.

If the minimum wage was about ensuring parity between civil servants and their private counterpart (I have my opinions on this too but that's a topic for another day), then maybe the whole brouhaha might have some points.
but I dont think that's the goal anyway.


So I'll like to hear from you guys, I mean logical takes not just the sentiments or shouts of 'we are hungry, we are hungry'. I think we need a more intellectual approach.



PS: and I also think the agitation for the uniform implementation of the minimum wage across states is unfounded. I mean some days back i decided to get some condiments to fry eggs (dont mind me, I just love fried eggs)
and in the town where I am presently, N30 worth of tomatoes,pepper . . .  was TOO MUCH, had to tell the seller to reduce it, that I didnt need that much.
That same set of goods will cost you about N150 in abuja (ain't kidding), so the issue is if the market realities in each and every locality is different, how do you now use the same yardstick to determine how organisations (both Govt and private) pay their staff. In the US, each state determines its own minimum wage so why not Nigeria, why not let each develop at its own pace.
Why should Katsina (for example) forced to keep up with Lagos or Ekiti forced to have the same policies as Adamawa. ? ? ?
BusinessRe: Should Pure Water Be Banned? by pak: 7:42am On Jul 20, 2011
Godmother:
Pure water is like water on the go. It is actually keeping a lot of mobile Nigerians hydrated. And the idea is not about the water its about the neatness of the people. If you bann pure water and replace it with bottle you would soon start seeing the bottles everywhere and that would be even worse
Very Intelligent and totally true.

@Godmother, do you work in an NGO or somethin ?
Jobs/VacanciesRe: A Company Needs A Php Programmer In Abuja by pak(op): 8:18pm On Jul 02, 2011
divinetalent:
hi. I'm good in php and mysql. However, I have been coding in php and mysql since 2006. Hence, I'm not a graduate but still a part time computer science undergraduate. Meanwhile, there is an amazing web application I developed using php and mysql and it will yield big revenue. Although I have many but this one is my best. My num is 08030716751 and email - igweze@live.com
@DivineTalent
Application for this vacancy is supposed to be closed, however because NL is a family of sorts and thus far I have only been able to get one candidate who met my 'minimum' requirements.

I will still give you a chance to take our tests and see if you can get the Job.

If you are willing and able to work in Abuja. Call the number above and make sure you show up for the interview between Monday and Tuesday (the last day).

Come with your portfolio of PHP projects
Jobs/VacanciesRe: A Company Needs A Php Programmer In Abuja by pak(op): 2:46pm On Jun 24, 2011
Most of the responses am getting happen to be from B.Sc. holders.

Well maybe I might just consider, if I can get an exceptionally good candidate.

But I'm still waiting for someone who meets my criteria.

You have till monday to express interest.


Thanks
Jobs/VacanciesRe: A Company Needs A Php Programmer In Abuja by pak(op): 7:17pm On Jun 23, 2011
feminaani:
Why do you prefer Corper /IT, that means you won't pay well. I am a PHP programmer, but you guys want good stuff for small money. I'm sorry if i jumped to the wrong conclusion. But, from experience, you know.
You are partly wrong.
The company actually required applications for two positions, an experienced programmer and an up and coming developer(the previous one we had just left for NYSC in another state).

My own office/position is specifically concerned with the recruitment of the trainee programmer because he will end up working with me, that's why I chose to post it on Nairaland.

The other position was advertised on a national daily and all over most job sites in nigeria. I do not have
any influence over that recruitment so I decided to say little about it.
Jobs/VacanciesRe: A Company Needs A Php Programmer In Abuja by pak(op): 6:11pm On Jun 23, 2011
. . . waiting
Jobs/VacanciesA Company Needs A Php Programmer In Abuja by pak(op): 12:41am On Jun 23, 2011
These days when ppl talk about scarcity of good jobs, I sometimes wonder, I think skilled graduates are much more scarce than good Jobs.

My company has been seeking to recruit a programmer in a certain language for like 4 months and even advertised in a national daily with no success ! despite the number of interested applicants we have.

I have also been seeking a candidate who has even a basic knowledge of PHP in abuja for weeks without success and there are still jobless computer science students in this country !


Back to my request.


I need a candidate interested in working with one of the foremost software development companies in Nigeria that can fulfill the following conditions

1. Must have at least a good/average knowledge of PHP/MySql
2. Preferably a Corper or an IT student (1 year) or an OND degree holder
3. Must be ready to work in Abuja

if you feel you meet this conditions call the ff number

08038966605

explain to the lady that picks the call that you need to know the requirements for applying as a PHP programmer.

This offer will close by Monday, 27th June 2011
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 2:22pm On Jun 21, 2011
honeric01:
When a man loves, he loves wholeheartedly, but same can't be said of a woman because of her nature, so i wouldn't marry a woman i love more than she loves me.
@honeric,
I totally understand what you'v just said but do you know many will vehemently argue (even some men) that the statement is true only in the reverse as in the shoe is actually on the other foot.
As in the post should read like this


When a WOMAN loves, SHE loves wholeheartedly, but same can't be said of a MAN because of HIS nature, so a lady shouldnt marry a MAN she love more than HE loves HER.



Hope am not starting another argument now undecided
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 3:05am On Jun 20, 2011
Nayah:
Pak for the other request you should be more discret
Blimey! do you know I never knew Cameroun was bilingual, I thought it was predominantly french. We learn everyday cheesy




Goldieluks:
Lol,
cheers! smiley
thanks
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 2:46am On Jun 20, 2011
Goldieluks:
There is the post Pak,hope your blood pressure is at its normal rate now ,lol.
Yep, it is , thanks
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 2:45am On Jun 20, 2011
Nayah:
pak I' ve already responded I got it!! the french phrase
For my English don't forget Cameroon is a bilingual country both Frenc and english, but the point is even though I got some relatives n America and mylittle sister in Canada my english bases were tought in France lol
My bad, she's back

Thanks for the clarification, So what bout the other request ?
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 2:18am On Jun 20, 2011
Goldieluks:
You speak as if you knew me b4.
i was only protecting a sister from you internet vipers,
call it quarrelsome,but you know fully well am DAMN right!
if you ever had good intentions,i don't think my statement would wind you up.
and for the record,am not Yoruba.
neither am i ''Nigeria girls''
@Goldie
I think you are taking this too far

This is the first time we'r having any form of conversation whatsoever
and you already refer to me as a VIPER (SMH).
Doesnt sound too intelligent or polite to me.

And by the way, what exactly were you protectin Nayah from  huh
Did she confide in you that she's feeling helpless and cant handle this herself (SMH)
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 2:10am On Jun 20, 2011
Nayah:
I refer to the response of " you must be naija chics" but whatever don't quarrel there's no need to do that, it's just a conversation
@Nayah
trust me , the statement isnt discriminatory, you must look at it from the context that am also a Nigerian.
Goldie will understand what am saying better. The worst you can say is that am trying to reinforce a stereotype. and really we shouldnt be taking this too serious.

but really, How will you feel if someone comes online and begin to preempt your every statement and tries to paint your motives bad in the worst possible way ??
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 1:36am On Jun 20, 2011
@Goldie
Na wa O
Should this be construed as wickedness ?

abi U know me bifor ?

Am sure you are one of these 'naija girls' (lol)
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 1:32am On Jun 20, 2011
Nayah, you
Nayah:
actually pak you told me you got some questions but you could'nt expose here ok but the others can be so I' mwaiting for that i can not give you my e mail adress like that hope you'll understand
Nayah, am trying to but I dont understand. It wont do much harm giving it to me. Am not a vampire you know.

Je suis simplement intéressé à vous


@Goldie
which ones na ?
dem send you to me  sad
You should be focusing on your books/work/family or sleeping @ this time of the day.
And allow me to finish my night business  grin
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 1:17am On Jun 20, 2011
You waiting for my questions ?

Me -  am waiting for your YIM id  in ma mail undecided

Seriously, I'll appreciate it - just got one or two curious stuffs to clear out of my mind.



Or alternatively you can send you email addy to my mail above and I'll mail back
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 1:09am On Jun 20, 2011
Nayah, The 'normal ones' quite half as interesting as the 'other ones' (trust me  cool). Especially considering the time.
I'll so much prefer to start with the other ones.


Just wondering, what time is it at your end ?
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 1:00am On Jun 20, 2011
@Nayah
Some of the ques might not be too cool for an open forum like NL

Do you YIM (yahoo messenger).

If you do my email is below, you can drop your YIM ID and I'll buzz you
yyyyyy@gmail.com



hope am not goin toooo far  yet lipsrsealed
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 12:54am On Jun 20, 2011
first off

RELAX !!!

Nothing harmfull wink
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 12:45am On Jun 20, 2011
Nayah:
Pak sorry you got my point! and sorry I didn' t see your post, ok well I'm single but this is not the issue here I think ha lol wink
Anyway Obunwi I think you right that works for women most of time, and for those who still don't understand, try to think about balance seriously this is not insane , ideally you both have to be in love but remember there's always someone who loves more.
You think wrong  wink
Its an issue here  smiley
Infact, I still got more questions,

CAN I ASK ?
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 10:21pm On Jun 17, 2011
deniyor:
I missed your last part.
To answer your question, no I'm not married. I'm in a serious committed relationship. Been in one for almost three years. Is there anything else you would like to know?
No, not really
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 10:20pm On Jun 17, 2011
deniyor:
If we both love each other, I don't care much for who loves each other more. Remember, we cant tell who really loves us, we can only tell those we really love. People can act and pretend for a long time.
You know that it is who loves more that finds more fulfilment in the relationship. Maybe more pain if when the relationship ends. The pain is worth the fulfilment. You get to really value and appreciate the relationship. Appreciate the little things too. You are happier too cos you have who you really want. No pain no gain as they say.

The other person feels less happy, and less fulfilment. Less pain sometimes too. Funny thing is they end up lovin much more later.

I want to live life, and enjoy it to the fullness. So I don't mind being the person who loves more.
Post makes sense
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 9:58pm On Jun 17, 2011
deniyor:
hey that was meant as a joke but if you take it too seriously, I apologise for that.
However to clarify, I find it quite abnormal that anyone would even consider being in a one sided love relationship.
Thanks for the apologies, no offense taken.



back to the issue

We are not talking in absolute terms here, or in extremes
as in you cant marry or even go out with someone you find 'repulsive' (unless you are forced to)

but the reality is that relationships are dynamic and at some point one part tends to express more love than the other.
No relationship starts by both parties being totally in love with each other.

So its more of: if its going to tilt to one side, which side should it rather fall on.




From your tone, Am certain you aint married  wink
Also wondering if you've ever been in a serious rel
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 9:51pm On Jun 17, 2011
Phate07:
Its better to marry the whom you love. And then make him/her love you back.
@Phate
Therein lies the issue, you have more control over yourself than another individual.
It is easier to resolve on your own to love and reciprocate the love of someone who loves you than
to 'force' (my own terminology) someone to love you.




@Nayah
Now where is nayah when you need her  huh
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 9:03pm On Jun 17, 2011
The point here really is that :

@ the start of most relationship, one party is more into the other than the reverse. Though things might change later on so the issue is which is a 'safer' bet (if am permitted to use that word)
RomanceRe: "get Married To Someone Who Loves You And Not The One You Love" by pak: 9:00pm On Jun 17, 2011
deniyor:
just when I was beginning to think no one is normal here
Am quite disapointed with your last statement.

I had an impression of maturity going through your previous posts but this one falls short.

As you said its okay for ppl to have differences in opinion but to call others 'abnormal' just because they dont see things exactly the way you see it, is just gross.


And come to think of it , nobody has actually labeled your opinion as wrong

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