₦airaland Forum

Ujujoan: When did men become so selfish

Sending money home to your MIL is now a herculian task? Why on earth are people beginning to lose their basic responsibility of taking care of their parents

Let me ask you one question, if your wife decides to work as well and leave the welfare of the children to God know who, what will become of your family

Dont you know that even though you bring the cash home, your wife does an equal amount of work in contribution to the family. If not for the kids, she would be working herself and taking care of her mother will not be an issue!

Why does it always have to be about you?

Gosh I HATE selfish MEN!!!

This your post is so brilliant, I feel you deserve a prize.

How in the world can I send half my salary to you at the end of the month


seriously, you spoke my mind

Ujujoan: Thank you soooo much for this post. People needs to stop being hypocritical abeg . . . Ahan!

PS: Please no kill person abeg! Which one be "throw her down from 10th floor)

I actually live in a bungalow, so no possibility of doing that really (and also do not believe in violence for any reason )
but that will be one of the worst things any wife (or husband) can do .

naijababe: Honestly, I admire this woman's strength. She chose not to hide but took responsibility for her actions and continue to look forward in life.

Very true, that was the best part not the typical Nigerian who will come out with cock and bull stories about enemies and whats not.
She has shown signs of someone who sill still go far in life
I hope she fully recovers and gets her life back

@lucabraski and Buchibabe
Thanks and amen to your prayers

I don't know why guys are judging this story after hearing from only one side.

I am a guy and based on the little that has been said I FULLY STAND BY THE WIFE.

The reasons are stated below.


1. I send money to my mum every month. I believe that's the least I can do for her after everything she's been through. and I will be surprised if anybody thinks otherwise.

2. Retirement benefits and pension system is rubbish in this country, I mean so much fraud everywhere and If this woman is a widow, then where in the world do you expect her to get money to survive from, if not the children that she raised.

3. The issue of her mother having other children is out of it. I have always performed my filial obligations without waiting to find out if my siblings are doing same.

4. The OP stated clearly that the wife is not working because she is takin care of the kids ! Sacrificing for the family ! I have never abused anyone on Nland but I will now - If this story is true, You are such a selfish Dolt ! And yet you complain that she request that you send money to her mother ! You must be crazy ! maybe its better to watch her mother starve to death.

5. Now as per the issue of comparing her to other men and opening a shop, I think that's not the issue. The point she's trying to make is that if only she had a means of getting an income, she wouldn't have had to bother you ! This is a sign of someone who is willing to be industrious for crying out loud ! Which leads to my last point . . .

6. Indeed you are most probably treating her like a slave. You are fulfilling your dreams getting married, having kids, pursuing career, while she just sits there as a fodder for you own dreams while hers lay in tatters to the extent that she can't even on her own support her mother. And yet you have never at any point deemed it fit to see if you can in anyway see what you can do to help her achieve financial independence either by encouragement, finance or education. All you know is that if she works, they'll tax you more and there will be nobody to raise the kids ! and yet you run to Nland when its time to provide basic needs.

I mean we are not even talking of providing for nephews or cousins here - her mother ! and someone has the guts to call her a leech !! ridiculous. I mean the man should even treat her as his own mother now !!!

If I get married today, and any foolish girl tries to stop me from providin for my mum ! I can assure you, that will be the very end (that's if I dont throw her down from the tenth floor balcony first)


@Debrief - I've always followed your post on Nland and hav always been very impressed but for once this is too disappointing, being the first poster you have shepherded the remaining guys in the same direction.


@poster - You most likely have a good wife but as I said earlier, you are must be a selfish person, apologize to your wife, appreciate the sacrifices she has made and she's making and do the right thing to your mother (I intentionally did not call her your mother in law)

As much as I respect the opinions of people on this thread, I think there is a lot of hypocrisy going on up here.

Ever country has a right to do what it deems best for its populace. That's their first responsibility.

Come to think of it even within our own borders, in a country where we claim to practice federalism, where do you see large flocks of immigrants (now I mean people from other states) aside lagos. Every state is so sensitive about having large flocks of non indegenes in their state to the extent that some even started sacking those in the state govt employ. And can't start to talk about the number of crisis that has resulted from Indigenes vs settlers issue all over the country.

Even SA over there that does not have half as much intended immigrants from all over the world as the UK, have you not heard of riots over there that resulted from there unwillingnes to entertain more foreigners in their land ?


Am sure this is not too good news for those having the desire to immigrate to the UK but we don't have to slate them for doing what they presently think is the right step.


And by the way, the Rusell group are just talking as business man. I think a study/research should be conducted to ascertain the effect of this policies on the larger society in the long run. That should be the determinant factor.

I think this kind of shed more light on why some other communities are less receptive to strange gunmen parading at night within their vicinity considering the inadequacies of the police force

plendil: What's with Honda and its frequents recalls, especially this accord brand, undoubtedly their best selling model?

I remember they had to do a similar recall for the Honda 2000-2001 model (baby boy) v6 engines, when it was discovered a majority of them were having gear problems. Is it that they don't run enough tests on the vehicles before they're pushed into the market? perhaps in order not be outdone by Toyota?

They berra sit up before toyota takes over their market.

Not that I particularly like Honda anyway. . .

Check your facts bro,
Toyota has had far more recall issues in recent years than Honda.

You are right about the gear issues though and it persisted even up to the 2007 model

wirewire: Am afraid I just noticed sometin licking exactly same place as directed on ma 504 peaguot,waiting wen they will recall theirs

Peugeot replace what ? You better go to ladipo sharply ( . . just joking )

BizBooks: You are right. If you own a V6 2003 - 2007 Accord shipped from the US or Canada, the recall
affects you. On the bright side, the statistical significance of an Accord catching fire as
a result of this problem is rather small. If it were not, Honda would have advised all
affected owners to cease driving their Accords immediately and not wait until 2013. I own a
V6 Accord and intend to keep driving it until the repair is done.

Oga Bizbooks,
I have a US model V6 Accord , can you help me collect the hose when they start distributing so that I can collect it from you later

On a more serious note, I can testify to the problem with the power steering hose.
The stuff started leaking at some point , leading to some mild smoke.
Thank God it didn't end up burning the car but then it destroyed my power steering pump (please tell the Honda guys to also remember to replace my pump while they are at it).

However, I was advised to replace the hose with that of a babyboy by mechanics who said the babyboy's hose was stronger (and for once Nigerian mechanics were right).

Its been almost a year and a half now and I've not had any major issues with it.

cap28: blame must be placed where it belongs - at the doorstep of the white man - had it not been for white supremacy blacks would not be brainwashed, self hating and self destructive. Black americans and africans have been degraded and dehumanised by whites that is why we hate ourselves and aspire to be like our oppressors - the average black person in america and africa for that matter hates himself and wants to be like his oppressor because that is what he has been brainwashed with for over 500 years, had we never had any contact with whites we wouldnt be in the state that we are in today. Yes, we need to undo all the damage that has been done but we must not excuse or try to brush under the carpet the disease that they have created within us.

as you correctly said it is a world wide thing because white supremacy is a world wide system that seeks to subjugate us wherever we are in the world and we must understand that.

Ive read some of Chika Onyeani's articles and i dont agree with his stance - he takes the view that the black man needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps and stop blaming the white man for all his problems - to me that is a cop out because all he is doing is making excuses for the white man as if blacks enslaved themselves and chose to live under white supremacy, he never ever calls out whites and their treatment of blacks in america, neither does he ever criticise white supremacy, infact he makes excuses for it and that to me is the characteristic of a coward. how do you pull yourself up by your bootstraps when laws were put in place to ensure that yuou never owned land, never got an education, never became financially independent, Onyeani is an opportunist who is doing what most gutless black people tend to do -he's blaming the victim for being a victim - he is a sellout and thats why whites love him, any time a white man puts you on a pedestal (as they have done with him, know that you are doign something to harm your people)

This is one of the reasons why I believe africa nay the black race might not catch up with the rest. We just love the blame game, don't we ?
Ask the average nigerian about corruption and he starts by saying 'THEY are corrupt . . ' Problem and blame is never with him. NEVER !!
The people blame the police, the police blame the government, the government blames the lecturers, the lecturers complain about senators pay . . . .and so on till infinity.

Indonesia, Japan, Switzerland and co. have been able to overcome sterner challenges and achieved quite a lot but Africa ? today its the whites, tommorow its swiss bank.

It got so bad that our dear first lady (May God heal her) was once said to be lamenting about the fact that 'OUR LEADERS have abandoned education'

cap28: thanks for pointing out the etymology of the word picnic - but see below how the word picnic came to be linked with the barbaric act of lynching in america - this information is from the Jim Crow museum of racist memorabilia which i would like to regard as an authoritative source of information about slavery and white supremacy in america:

other than that everything else i have posted is accurate.




http://www.ferris.edu/jimcrow/question/jan04.htm

also you can check the footnotes of the above if you are still in doubt, thanks

Thanks for the link. Am going thru it

cap28: when a white man uses the word nigger on a black man he is reminding you of your inferior status and the fact that he has had his foot on your neck for the past 500 years, he is reminding you of how his ancestors ra.ped your mother, wife, grandmother and sisters, he is reminding you of how his ancestors lynched you for fun and sat around with their mates laughing and eating while your lifeless body (thats where the world picnic - pick a nigger, came from) hung from a tree or burnt at the stake, he is reminding you of your zero status and powerlessness in the world order, he is reminding you that YOU COME TO HIM FOR JOBS, HOUSING, EDUCATION AND SURVIVAL , a black man can use the word nigger on another black person but it will never ever conjure up the terrible and hateful memories of slavery, ra.pe and lynching that that word connote because the black man in recent times has remained powerless.

a white man's use of the word nigger is a reminder to you the black man that you are still beneath him - it is a way of showing you how contemptuous he is of you and everythign you stand for.

Please posters should first try to get their facts right before trying to educate the rest of us.

As for the word 'picnic', you can check the TRUE etymology here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picnic#Etymology


And for those giving false tales about the origin of the word in question -Truth is the word Nigger originated from the latin word 'Niger' for black. The same place you got the name of your country from

berem: so you quickly ran to view my profile? You are a real nigga with a gold chain. Lol!

Some peeps were born curious

berem: so NIGGER means BLACK in Latin? I now wonder how Flora shaw named NIGER AREA (nigeria)! Na wa o!

@Berem
What is that on you profile pic ?
You just corrupted me

If I do anything wrong this weekend na you O

slimojas89: Everyday as i leave for work, the "ABOKI" at the gate hails me "DOGO" and i understood that's what a tall person is nicknamed in hausaland, and hail him back. Blacks are strong people with a sense of pride and i don't like it when black look back at the times and take the N word too seriously.

nicely put

and by the way 'bleeping well' is supposed to be f*uc*king c*u*nt.

I don't know whats up with seun and is autocorrect tools

Well as much as I agree that social norms and cultural values are just like religion. Once it doesn't align with yours, it often doesn't make any sense to you.

Now take the Nigerian example as opposed to the west. While growing up (in lagos). We were
used to calling the average ibo guy - Yellow pawpaw (remember 'Yellow lo ru, Omo Ibo lo ba je'), Omo Nna, Hausas were Abokis and so on. While this references were not complimentary they certainly could not be regarded as derogatory.
The ppl being addressed lived with (because they were brought up to be comfortable with who they are)

But for the west, let's take the Terry Scenario has an example. If Terry had just used the words 'fucking cunt' against Anton, as much as it will be seen as an insult, the whole issue would never have raised any dust. But insert the word 'black' in there and every body is up in arms. So in essence, they are saying it more insulting/derogatory to be refferred to as black than to be called a 'cunt' right ? Sound racist to me, not Terry but the hipocrates - sorry hypocrites.

I think blacks should quit living in the past and move on. We need to make a good name for our race

The word Nigger (or niger) is the latin for black, just as negro is spanish.
People say it hurts to be called nigger because of the slave trade and all those stuff,
but me thinks it hurts more to be called nigger/black because it is synonymous with Africa (the most underdeveloped and corrupt continent), crime, illiteracy and so many vices.

Blacks (especially in the west) are sensitive to the word Nigger the way we are sensitve to the word 'Nigerian' being used in advertisement and popular culture due to what we perceive as its negative connotations.

In itself there is no problem with the word Nigger and its usage, by the way my favorite rap 'Gospel' song - has a hook that says 'Let us Pray my Niggas'

afam4eva: The first technical question we should ask is, what does Nigger really mean apart from the fact that it's used to describe black people. I think Nigger is just like the use of Okoro to describe Igbo people which is technically not offesive.

You should have a drink on me for this.
Intelligent

Wow , thanks Obadiah

I guess the summary is that I just need to go for a test real quick.


As per the football bit, maybe I'll just be the goalie on saturday then. I've never seen a goalie collapse on the field.


And as regards the 'other' issue, that totally crossed the line. Say wetin ?

Infact am more than dare devil sef (more of a 'dear angel')



Thanks man

Thanks again for the correction about anemia.
Have always connected the word 'anemic' to malnutrition/ malnourished.

I don't stay in lagos , the hospitals mentioned are in Lagos. Am mostly in the north east but I'll try and ask around.


And thanks for the exercise bit, I was actually hopin to join my pals for a game of football on saturday morning.


And finally another question ?

Would you consider sex as rigorous exercise ?

N.B. that last bit is a very serious question.

obadiah777: WELL YOU APPEAR TOO YOUNG TO BE HAVING BLOCKED ARTERIES BUT IT IS STILL A POSSIBILITY. LET ME ASK ONE MORE QUESTION FIRST THEN WE WILL PROCEED. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD THAT YOU ARE ANEMIC ? AND WHAT COUNTRY AND STATE ARE YOU IN ? SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DAD.
IS THERE A HISTORY OF HEART DISEASE IN YOUR FAMILY ?

Anemic ? never - am one of the most chubby IT person (programmer) you'll ever see.


Am in Nigeria - due to my job specs, I travel all through North eastern Nigeria


thanks for the concern, man

Thanks a lot Obadiah.

Man, you got me scared a bit. My dad died earlier this year due to complications arising from multiple stroke.

the answer to the question - am in my early thirties - 32 to be specific.


and pls where can I get this ecg and echo test done ? - specialist hospitals ? any hospital ? or medical labs ?

once again thanks and hoping to hear from you.

. . . and while you are at it, Nairaland e-doctors,
I have two issues - 1) Is this issue of acute pain in my chest anytime I drink cold water late at night (after 7:30 pm). In the very middle, the focal point is just slightly below the rib cage.
Whenever I lie down and relax, the pain goes away immediately but if I try to SIT upright and do any kind of work, it starts immediately.
I normally don't eat after 7pm but I can't stop myself from taking water so for now I've resolved to taking just hot/warm water in the evening but its not the best experience really (warm water). Please who has an experience of this kind of issue ?

2) Is this issue of waking up feeling feverish whenever I sleep late (anything after 1am). This feverish condition continues until am able to take a nap during the day. I've always been a late sleeper since my teenage years without having any issues at all. This feverish feeling is a recent development, started about 2 months ago.

Thanks


N.B. Okay I know the solution to the 2nd problem (if I'll call it that way) - early to bed, early to rise. Makes a man , HEALTHY, wealthy and wise - Please just help me with the 1st if you have any idea what causes it and how it can be stopped

stormm: I think folks here should be careful in their contributions. Ugo is a personal friend of about a year and people should be cautious before spewing their gibberish on people or events they know nothing about. Ugo is a young man that recently finished his Msc in Unilag. He got a job for which he should resume in October 2012 after several months of being without a job

A thoroughly detribalised young Nigerian, he moved into the house around UPS area, Gbagada after he got back from his 3-day honeymoon on Wednesday. Only for the police to kill on on Thursday.

Please, lets be mindful of other people's sensibilities and not doubt the veracity of this particular story. I am personally touched because, I saw him that day around 4pm. He was in the company of the same friend mentioned in the story. The friend came in from the UK to attend Ugo's wedding. And they met again when he came back from his honeymoon.

To those who think the story sounds somehow, may they be killed 5 days after their wedding

You should have made your arguments (which by the way is valid) without resorting to the 'foolish' statement in the last line of your post. That just spoils everything

I think there should be more decorum when responding to issues like this. Even Okija who has been very vocal about his views on the story, I can't recall him at any point insulting or running curses on anyone in the process.

@Okija
Please stop arguing with these people.
If at this stage, anybody can not see the light in what you are saying, then there really is no hope.

You have made the points very clearly. You are not alleging anything, neither are you accusing anybody but as you have rightly pointed out, this story has so many holes.

I don't know why so many people refuse to be logical in issues like these rather reacting based on emotions and their negative bias towards the police.

Imagine, one poster you gave a response to saying

This is purely a case of assassination. There is no need pointing accusing fingers on his poor friend. Come to think of it, he must have been very close to this friend of his that made him to fly down all the way from the U.K for his wedding so the possibility of his friend being the masterminder of the murder is definitely ruled out.

He must have been one of the most simple of God's creation. Even my twelve year old cousin wont come to this kind of conclusion (sorry if this sounds rude, am just tryin to be frank). Watching just on or two episodes from crime channel will make you realise that most homicide/manslaughter/murder are commited by ppl close to the victim.

This was the same kind reaction in the case of Cynthia, the Uniben boy and the Tai Solarin girl. Whereas every intelligent response pointed out to the fact that there was certainly more than meets the eye about the initial tales being peddled.

spendogram: Thank you all for the interesting discourse. I will like to add that this is not peculiar to web development. It seems it is a disease with engineering or all creative technical works. Most times those in such fields focus too much on their creative technical skills and forget the people and business skills. If you set out to be a web developer why cry that you are not making the kind of money that a business man should make? Fact is that for those in creative technical jobs to succeed in business they will have to partner with other people in other fields who work better at making things work together. It is not just about your creative technical skills.

You should note that the method is already being used to a great degree of success in the music industry. Some people are good at song writing, some are good at singing,some are good at producing, some at selling and some at managing time,etc They all come together to give us our favorite songs. How much do you think a freelance musician will make?

You are a truly wise man !

May I ask what you do for a living ?

Javanian: Again..None of your sites have a mobile version...Be professional in what you do...

afam4eva: How does having a mobile version translate to being professional.

@Afam, you should know someone who is still in school when you see one.


@web designers,
pls listen to Afam and Webdezzi, there r some monies you can't make based on technical expertise alone.
You need to learn the ropes of the business.
(Unless of course you want to go into paid employment)

Siena: I'm impressed, our brothers and sisters are doing well, with sites on par with anything one can get in the West. Nigerians are by nature very competitive and creative, we just need to be given a chance to shine.

I'm interested - please, could you contact me when you get a spare moment? I'm looking to get a couple of websites up and running, one for myself, the other for my wife. And no I'm not going to use you, and leave you high and dry, I'll pay a percentage, and the rest when the job's all done. Nairalanders here are all watching, so we can both report back.

Mobile: +44 (0) 7432 870 840.
BB PIN: 29AEC81C
Email: siena_@hotmail.co.uk
Skype: Onoriode Gbudje.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Hi Sienna,
Been following all your posts and no doubt you'r one of the most intelligent and matured Nlanders but I just want to advise that you do your due diligence.

Just have you've always advised potential car buyers, I think you have to be cautious before droppin a penny to anyone.
Am not insinuating anything cos I don't know a thing about the posters but I guess since you are not in Nigeria and might not have the opportunity to see anyone physically b4 transactin biznez so you have to cover all your basis.

For example, observe that some of the sites were designed by 51st street and some by rootmech media whereas the posters signature has nothing relating to either of them.
There might be a perfectly good reason for this but am just emphasizin the need for caution

Well Maclatunji,

I just hope you wont take this again as an insult but rather a sincere opinion which might not really be flattering.

I think you probably need to work on your character. I have no idea how old you are (Nairaland is a facless forum) but then I think you might need more tolerance.

It might (and might not) have anything to do with religion but on a personal level,
there is a need to embrace more patience and love in relating with others.

I love the muslims I interact with and I will never unreasonably go out of my way to insult them.


Please see this as a friendly rebuke and if you are disposed to respond, try your best not to respond with sarcasm and with a confrontational mindset. Not everyone is an enemy