₦airaland Forum

I still dey find d problem ooooo. Accept the woman she is

Bervelyhillz:
This is a bit long but please bear with me.

I’ve been married to my amazingly beautiful wife for 3 years. The problem is she is very shy around me but at the same time seems to try to secretly please me constantly. It leaves me feeling guilty and I’m not sure of what to do next.

Backstory:

I met her through my mom. My MIL and my mom are childhood friends who grew up together. I never met her at the time since I lived in the US while She was in Nigeria. When I was 20 I saw her in a family friend’s wedding album. I was floored and my eyes were watering. She was the most attractive girl I had ever seen.

I figured out her FB and messaged her since I didn't want to initiate contact through our moms. I struck up a conversation. I soon realized that my mom fed info about me to my MIL which in turn got fed to her , so she already knew a fair bit about me. We chatted constantly, met up on my vacation to Nigeria , and hung out together every day. I learn she is still a virgin saving herself for marriage. I was still one too, mostly because A) I was chubby most of my life and didn't dare go near girls in that state and B) when I did start getting more fit, I already fell in love with her and it felt wrong dating at the same time. So yeah we had that in common.

Skipping ahead again to three years ago when I graduated from grad school. We met up a handful of times more, and things were awesome. She was outgoing with me, giggling over almost nothing and general silliness. We never did anything sexual, but we were intimate enough and honestly seeing her gave me goosebumps, so it wasn't on my mind. On one visit to Nigeria, she brought up the topic of marriage in a joking manner, something about how our mom's always planned it. I jokingly replied that I would be happy to marry her, then she got all serious and asked if I was for real. I said yes and, well, the rest is history.

The problem:

We had our wedding in Nigeria and, after the papers got sorted, she moved to the US to live with me. The first few months were interesting. She knows English pretty well and she majored in her native language, so she looked for translation jobs. She never got replies from employers, so I was getting a little suspicious, especially since she was an honors student at a pretty high ranking international university. I found out that she wasn't actually sending the applications out. I bring this up gently with her, and she starts tearing a bit telling me she wants to be a stay at home wife and that she didn't think I would be proud of her if she didn't get a real job. She says she was going to tell me soon, which I believe because I found a recent word document in our computer that was basically a draft of the speech she was going to give me. I don't mind her staying at home as I bring in enough money for the both of us and she is a really good cook.

This prompted me to sit down with her and figure out where our communication is breaking down. After a bunch of long discussions about this, I felt we were on the same page. She was still growing more timid around me and didn't start conversations easily with me, but she always seemed happy. I stepped up my displays of affection, showering her with compliments, hugs, and kisses. I would often catch her staring at me (usually while we ate), to which she would get red-faced and look away quickly. It’s been 3 years now and still does the smiling stare, except now she doesn’t look away when I catch her. The conversation starting has gotten a bit better, but nowhere near pre-marriage. While she always had this quiet peacefulness to her, I noticed she is intentionally not doing things that might get me worked up. Examples being: discussing politics (we have the same views), discussing my work problems, discussing anything philosophical in nature, etc. She will respond if I start, but she doesn’t take the initiative like before. I really miss that.

The sex is...interesting? As I said before, I didn't have any prior experience so I can't judge her, but she just lays on the bed and doesn’t move until I suggest to. She never initiates but never declines. I try to make it about her more often than not, but if I’m looking for feedback she quietly agrees with whatever I'm doing. After we finish, she lays in the same position looking at me, sometimes smiling, sometimes teary-eyed. I take it she likes it, but then again she never likes to talk about sex. From what I gather in our pre-marriage talks, she doesn't have any negative views on it and it wasn't shunned by her parents, it's just that she is shy. She doesn't like me seeing her naked even though I do (ha ha...:/ ). She is…shy very well proportioned…and I tell her how it is so she shouldn’t feel self-conscious. But she still covers up outside of sex.

Another issue is fitness: I work out constantly at home or in the park (calisthenics) and I invite her to join but she politely declines. She runs almost every morning so I thought maybe she gets enough from that. But I have noticed that my weight backpack at home is sometimes at a different weight than when I left it. I have also noticed She has made some serious butt/thigh gains which really stand out on her thin frame. When I ask if she is doing anything differently, she says “maybe it’s the running” then changes the subject. I don’t understand why she is working out in secret. This is most likely my fault though since I used to try and tease her into working out with me; I made a silly remark about how squatting/ham-raises will put more meat on her legs.

Conclusion:

Guys and gals, I need help. I love my wife dearly. She is funnier than any comedian, more disciplined than any soldier, and more beautiful than any celebrity. But she is making me feel weird by trying to secretly improve herself based on my preferences. Her shyness around me is awkward and I want a return to the easy-going pre-marriage . Has anyone had experience with this?

Also: she has made many friends here and still is in contact with a few back home. However she doesn't seem excited to be around them as much as when I offer to go out with her. She's always offers to cancel plans to stay in with me or go for a walk. I thought she might be depressed, but she is super cheerful even when she doesn't know I'm around.

mysteryman2014:
Fake news, Reddington hospital is in VI and not mainland

There is a reddington in Ikeja. But I still think it's fair news.

Go to court

You may experienc significant delays. Some are still shipping items

udoekere:
I am an upcoming gospel artiste and I have been struggling in the brainstorming of catchy names due to the fact that my real name (Aniebiet) is difficult to pronounce.

So I want to ask if it is advisable that I should get a nickname or go for my real name due to the kind of music I'm into.

Make a name for urself and they will learn to pronounce your real name. Case in point Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Amanee:
DNA testing is not necessarily done with only blood samples, there are other samples that can be used to establish paternity...

Tell them. A simple mouth swab, some hair strands or skin scrapings sef would suffice

Na who come really need deliverance?

So your sister is a jealous and evil side chic!? God of the defenceless is watching ooooo. You are becoming an accomplice by keeping quiet.

Go see a doc and take Ur girlfriend to get treated too. If it means confessing.......then so be it. The babe does not deserve to remain in d dark regarding her health

Change the topic to "Despite my commitment......................."
she is young and wants to explore.......its kinda inevitable at her age. her eye dey outside.
Not sure she can relate to the level of commitment you require cos all her peers are talking about parties and stuff and you are cramping her style.

OP, U make brain.

First post

the photoshop no be here!!!

Thank God for your escape

I agree, Legally speaking BUsiness ideas are impossible to protect except you have an agreement with the person concerened not to replicate the idea.
the closest thing u can hv is copyright protect but that only applied if you write the business idea down and it only protects the written copy and not the idea in itself. that is why anybody is free to build a socail media platform without interference(with limitations).

seyithug:
There's nothing to patent. People have been buying and shipping things to Nigeria, for centuries, even as registered businesses.
Maybe, Mikky started this service on Nairaland, and he sure deserves all the recognition and accolades he duly receives. But, to patent this business idea? Nahh.

Emptiness

those people should stop paying sef!!! this one dey likely to chop am

IgweBUIKE1:
pls make do with the tithe and offering your sheeple are giving you

Mad solid deal.

Engrkawu:
Good day guys. Please how do I get to Marina from Oshodi? Stalion plaza to be precise.

Take a bus to CMS, from CMS ask for directions or take a bike. It probably about 5-7 minutes walk.

warripikin17:
Afternoon Nairalanders,a friend of mine owns a DDR male dog,and a neighbor has a female german shepherd mix.
The problem is that he mistreats his female and is now scared of her. She's on heat now and he wants to mate her. I've succeeded in gaining her trust,but the main thing is that I can't handle mating,so what should when I have both of them together,just sit and watch?�

Sidon look

Hmmmmm. Many problems

Look at d oil cover the recommended oil type would be written there. Also u can download d manila for the car and see what is written there

This is not na issue for self medication. This is na issue for hospital

Wetin be her explanation for her behaviour

How many HV u seen?

Sha dey help am sell market

GreetMe:
I meant bullet trains

okies

GreetMe:
China has Hypersonic trains...US should focus more on innovations not weapons, is this part of world peace?

Hypersonic trains!!!! bros how na.??There are no supersonic trains even not to talk of hypersonic. China has high speed trains of maybe 350kmph max. Nothing near super/hypersonic.

Hypersonic missiles are missiles that fly faster that 5 times the speed of sound. I don't know who wrote this article but faster that speed of light is a lie. Google hypersonic missiles generally to see. The writer probably made a typo.

Russia on the other hand has tested and operationally deployed hypersonic missiles already

Not every thing is meant to be. Try to stop dwelling on the issues and move on. E no go easy but it is possible