₦airaland Forum

Gloriagee:
Not dreaming bro

Ok

bukatyne:
You haven't said anything.

All the women you observed/ engaged, why did they have issues handling most of the finances?

Women don't generally go into relationships with the expectation they'll be doing MOST of the financial spending. Be it societal expectations or biological conditioning, they far more proud and comfortable with a man who meets majority of their financial needs.

Women generally can't cope with work related stress and domestic obligation without feeling stressed, fatigued and unhappy.

Gloriagee:
Women feel fulfilled irrespective of if the guy earns less provided other conditions are met. So if a guy earns less than me whilst I can afford a quality lifestyle, I'll be unhappy whilst He's faithful, caring n a wonderful communicator? Odiegwu

To dream is free.

bukatyne:
@last paragraph, why do you think so?

Simple! Empirical observation, verifiable stats.

Elder001:
That the woman is earning more doesn't mean the husband won't contribute.

This is the 21st century.. the earlier you awaken from the drunken patriarchal mentality the better for you.

I'll tell you what; when your wife nurses your child on one breast, I implore you to take hold of the other and nurse to your fill. Be mindful of your file of adult teeth while at it so you don't bite the life out of her as she nurses you along with the infant.

While your brain is scientifically proven to be bigger (with larger IQ) than hers and a corresponding set of muscles as added bonus, you'd make for a poster boy of the ever emasculated 21st century male for not bringing them home where it matters most.

2buffagain:
Competition is far from the word I'd use regarding that guy's fiance.
That is a parasite (he builds, she consumes, and has no positive intention of contributing).



If the inverse of this is something your self-esteem cannot deal with, Then may you never marry a spouse that is richer than you

A man who marries a richer woman has a lot of questions to answer...

And why should any sensible man do that? The stats even in the so called civilized countries are painting doom and gloom for such a man and the union.

And the women themselves never feel fulfilled with a lesser earning husband. A lot of them experience "status leakage" No woman wants a toy boy husband.

Women basically don't have such a large heart as men do -- to be the primary breadwinner or a co-contributor and be happy at it like a man would.

2buffagain:
Oh trust me I know the statistics (that's why I created this thread), but that family will not survive come any major future financial challenges...common as they are in our time.
Both spouses need to adapt their mind to the realities of the times, and not just one.
Their choice if the couple decide to build a boat with holes.

A vehicle driving on the road (previous generation terrain) can have holes.
But when that vehicle needs to still be functional on the river (current generation terrain), it would be dumb to even try.


Men are not having these discussions with their intendeds early enough, and they need to.

E.g See how having "the talk" prior to marriage revealed the selfish mindset of this guy's fiance https://www.nairaland.com/4552200/girlfriend-selfish-she-right
ASSUMPTIONS were being made that this woman sees "love" the same as him.

IMHO men should filter out women who think like this and only consider enlightened women who think with reason. But to each their own! I'm just tired of seeing married couple arguing upandan over things that really should have been ironed out previously, as STRUCTURE.

The fiance in the link provided is not a partner but a competitor. She's the worst thing that can possibly happen to a man.

A situation where the woman contributes half or anything close in the daily running of the family, spells trouble. It is far healthier for a man to out-earn his wife at least by 50% to have a truly happy home. And men should learn not to expect much financially from their wives, it's dangerous. Yeah, a little help once in a while when the ship hasn't ducked is expected but it should never be a month-in-month-out routine.

Let her financial role be complementary.

2buffagain:
Good so then you believe in STRUCTURE.
Are you then saying that it is only the man in the marriage that should be beholden to FINANCIAL STRUCTURE?

Because if that is your argument....all the best. May your business never suffer and may you never loose your job.

Abi wetin we go talk again?

You haven't grasped what I'm trying to say... earlier, i said women complement, they have always done that. But for a man to have a preconceived notion of financial parity with his wife (or something close to that) in the daily running of the home... well, except the wife has no problem with that. But guess what, statistics point they do.

2buffagain:
You still not getting it sir.
So what then happens when they have no positive emotions for each other?
What happens when these emotions you are talking about [temporary] fail?

Speak from this perspective.

Feeling angry towards a LOVED ONE is not a reason to shirk one's responsibilities.

2buffagain:
I see people not liking that I put love as number 4.
Here is the thing, love is an emotion. Emotions are like the sea. They rise and fall. During it's rise, it augments everything and makes all things sweeter, but during it's fall it wipes everything out. This is where STRUCTURE comes in.

Emotions are like a muscle. A Muscle without a skeletal structure to back it is a muscle that is sometimes impotent. ( Imagine if your arms worked like joysticks! )

It is these structures that keep the family operations together when +ve emotions aren't all that high between the couple.
This is why every establishment that has ever stood the test of time has "A Code" or "A Creed". It is a matter of sustenability.

On a side note, and totally unrelated from this topic.... Another example of a well recomended family creed would be "No matter how mad we are with each other, we do NOT let the sun set on our anger". Some people have woken up in hell because of that particular one...
But I digress. My point is, structure is needed for times of low emotion to keep things going as they must. And everyone must be commited to the Creed for peace of mind.



This is what kills men today. An inability to adapt to current realities.
If you have any plans of living anywhere else besides Nigeria, I humbly ask that you reconsider your disturbance to this 21st century mindset.
That said not even Nigeria is safe from this.

All societies are being setup in such a way that most homes may require income from both spouses. When that time comes, that is not the time when you want to start having that conversation with your spouse. Many men have falsely entered marriage with this mindset and are paying for it right now, while their wife considers finance "not her business" while she shovels and hides her own money to the detriment of the family, talking about "Remove your eyes from MY money. Go and find how to pay all the things you've been paying without me" .

Again, this is what happens when you place emotion over structure.

Fellas, No be only you waka come. Stop digging your early graves with this obsolete way of thinking. Put structures in place as soon as possible.

Your stance about love isn't surprising, love in its true form has lost its meaning in this age. But without it, nothing worthwhile works.

It is that extra fuel that propels the human endurance to go further, to be selfless. Without it humans are no better than a programmed bot, or automated machine with a set of behavioural code for every situation. Love makes room for mistakes and perseverance.


Women have not always been idle and unsupportive. From recorded history, the average woman does her bit -- small-scale farming, weaving, etc -- to COMPLEMENT her husband.

The worrisome aspect is that most 21st century men are having a preconceived expectation/dependency on women to be a co-financial burden bearer. When you put that up against the reality that a lot men today are lazy and unproductive hence NEEDING a financial partner, the maths becomes easy to solve.

When a man knows and acknowledges he is responsible for his wife's upkeep, he works hard. Depending on his wife for major financial contribution all the way has serious consequences and they are evident in those climes you love to set as example.

2buffagain:
It is said that finances are the number one cause of fights in marriages, some of such fights leading to divorce sef.
Personally I feel these things should be common sense, but unfortunately, people tend to focus on the wrong things i.e "love feelings" when starting out a family that they fail to put the necessary structures in place.
Here are my suggestions to couples who want to have a stress-free life regarding finances-after-marriage...

#0) You better have married a spouse that was working when you met/married them.
Brothers an sisters, You are not here to alleviate the poverty of an idle person, but to run a family and BUILD a lineage with someone.
You cannot be building while the other one is tearing down without replenishing. This is the 21st century. Girls, stop marrying idle bums. Guys, Stop marrying idle thots (I say this with total respect due to real women out here making it happen for themselves and their future families).

#1) Set up a family checking account
Set up a bank account for family affairs where a certain percentage (e.g anywhere from 60%) of everyone's income goes into.
From this account family expenses, house expenses, school fees and family savings will be handled.

Men: If you want to be "a man" about it, maybe 70% - 80% of your income can go in there while only 40 - 50% of her own goes in as women tend to do more of certain things around the home anyway....but BOTH must feel the burn of financially supporting the house. Otherwise, abuse is tantamount (why be fiscal when money is his problem?).

Not having these numbers DEFINED from the get-go is also tantamount to abuse. Any intended change to your percentage contribution number different from the starting numbers should be totally at the discretion/sole-acceptance of the other party. If you want to change your contribution, your spouse agrees whether you can change or they refuse. Totally their choice. Note that this is regarding the PERCENTAGE of income, not the number itself. This will save you from several arguments in the future.

Feel free to adjust as you see fit, but these rigid structures set as you enter the marriage are great starting points for order in said marriage.

#2) Set up a family savings account
Anything above 2-3 months of the usual CORE family expenses from the family checking account go in here.
No one can do anything with this money unless both couple sign off on it. Instruct the bank about this constraint.
(of-course, dead-human switches should apply with such constraints)

#3) Each should have their own private checking account
This is where the other un-contributed money goes to for each party.
Here, do whatever you want with your money. It should be no-one's business.

E.g Use this to buy gifts for your spouse and take him or her out on dates....yes I said HIM or HER. Either spouse can take the other out on dates, not just the man.

This is also from where one spouse can choose to give monetary gifts to the other spouse.

Ladies: ...No. "Borrowing" your husband who is currently without income money to pay the rent is NOT a monetary gift. Put that thing in the family shared account. It is you supporting your family. No be only him waka come.

#4) Love each other
This comes last because emotions (love) must come AFTER logical structure otherwise you cannot build.
Building on emotions is like building on quicksand. Ko le werk!

I appreciate your opinion on how you believe the financial structure within a marital setting should be placed. I see it as a personal opinion that might not work for everyone. And again, you downplayed the role of love, relegating it to the least required in a marital buildup. I think you're flat out wrong here. Everything -- intentions, gestures, understanding, is built on love.

Lastly, I'm disturbed with the mentality of most 21st century men who have developed a preconceived mindset of financial expectation/dependency on their partners before or during marriage. What happened to the good old gentleman who knows it is his responsibility to provide for his family and doing such doesn't give him an undue edge over his wife irrespective of the economic challenges?

It is biologically encoded in women to look up to men financially as it is in men to display acts of chilvary towards a woman of interest.

Dating a girl automatically means a certain level of responsibility from the guy irrespective of the girl's financial status. Let's not try and pretend about this. After all, dating is "practice for marriage", very few women would be comfortable in a marriage where the man can't affort basic comfort for her.

While there are girls who are unreasonable with their demands, I believe the OP just took a backdoor entrance to a feminist agenda.

brodalokie:
Don't be faster than your shadow.
Basically the son of perdition is the Antichrist, but originally it is referring to Satan.
Lucifer rebelled in heaven against the living God, the Lord of host, creator of heaven and earth by teaching the angels a false doctrine. Why? He secretly wanted to be like the most high, and for that he was demoted.
Then in the garden of Eden, he comes in the person of the serpent to rebel against the truth again by preaching a false gospel to the woman. Why? God makes Adam god over all things and the serpent new that he could crossbreed with the woman, and Cain was born, he killed Abel because he wanted to be accepted by God instead (again: "I will be like the most high". After the flood destroyed the first world, Noah and his kids and their wives survived. Noah is a prophet of God (priest) but again his younger son Ham rebels (saw his father's unclothedness) and formed an occult religion which has become the tradition of the world till date, but in the midst of it his elder brother Shem had kept their father's faith.
Original is simple but Imposter is very loud.

That said, I think if the binis really know that their ancestor is Ham then they should also accept the fact that a woman ruled then. Unless they're omitting something or reforming the tradition...

The moral of your story is hidden in the ambiguity of your true faith.

But there again, why should the Binis trace their origin from Ham and not Adam? Adam was head over all of GOD's earthly creation and his successors have always been his male heirs.

All men except one came from woman but ALL woman came from man.

Lastly, your claim of the serpent crossbreading with Eve is heresy.

Genesis 4 : 1

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.

I think you practice neo-paganism. No offence.

brodalokie:
Do you know who is "the son of perdition"? I want to quickly proof a point..

The anti-CHRIST, I suppose.

oweniwe:
Oga, why you wake up the sleeping thread nah ?

Did I? I don't think so. Someone made a comment this morning which exhumed the thread from its grave. I just rolled it over.

brodalokie:
You are using religion eyes to look at a pagan something. Patriarchal monarchy is solely a religious matter.
Ham began idolatry practice and his grandson Nimrod and his wife took it to another level. However, when Nimrod died, his wife took over and became the overall and supreme deity (mother of God). It was a true life story for your information. Brb battery low

LOL

But is there any culture -- earthly culture free from religion? I don't think so. Even paganism is a religion.

oweniwe:
It all starts with romance... Romance between the man and lady.... The Lady considers the size of the man's pocket while the man examines is she is a "wife material"....

Forget about love.... Men and women marry for various reasons and love is least of them.... People marry because of what the other person has to offer... If u have nothing to offer, you can hardly get married and if what you have to offer dries up after you're married, you're in one kind mind tormenting soup.......!!....

Weeks before the wedding, den no go let person hear word. Pixs of the "lover birds" in romantic poses... Wedding IV.... So much noise and hype..... On the wedding day.... I don't understand how a man who is living in a rented apartment will spend millions on a day event when one can buy a good plot of land outside town for 500k.... Marriage is an investment abi? Spouce dey come and go but your land will always be there.... Well.... After people have helped you eat your money finish.... You will now face one kaind gloomy, boring, and monotonous routine everyday....

For the men, when they can't endure d boring routines anymore, den go begin "waka waka" looking for mistresses.... The mistress will say "let me chop his money and enjoy myself"..... The wife herself who is probably a former mistress herself (beleive me, all dos gals get "history" o) will pouring spit, nagging and cursing.... Shebi you did the same to another woman husband so why you dey vex?
If it is not money issues, it is about sexx, wicked inlaws, unromantic wife, uncaring husband.... bla bla bla.... Then they will come to nairaland looking for advice.... SMH... Abeg carry your cross go meet ur husband/wife.... Nairalanders will make drama out of your "confessions".

Small time.... You go hear fight.... Den seperation.... Then ultimately, divorce.... If you ask how did it happen, they will say "I miss road"......!!....

What irritates me most is the trend of young girls in their teens and early 20s dating married men.... Its like they're having competition.... When they get married and a younger gal does same to their husband, they'll scream blue murder.....!!.... I know you'll say am focusing on the women and leaving the men blameless.... Not really.... If the women don't condone it, men wont do it.... If your elder brother want is having mistress, the wife is the cause... She dont know how to take good care of your brother, she's too old, my brother need young blood..... You too, if your husband "carry woman", u dont know how to take care of your husband and you're getting old..... Lobatan.....!!...

So next time i see those pre-wedding pictures... All those IVs, aso ebi and co... E go be like... Two people are looking for each other's troubles...

Hmmm..... Hmmm

i don't envy them at all. Especially those guys getting married on monthly salary.... Now you're giving her money she's not complaining... If you lose your job and she has to be paying the bills, she will start doing like.. You're a lazy man... All you know is to eat... Am paying all d bills ooo .... E gba mi o .....

When he was taking care of you, when you were eating... You're not lazy... But now he has no job, he is lazy...


* looks right... looks left *
* sees some angry ladies preparing a cricifix *

* takes off my shoes and pick race.....*

You should envy married folks, irrespective of what nightmare most married folks go through. For one, the benefits of marriage outweighs the disadvantages and unmarried folks have more old age crisis than those who married and raised their children.

Coming to your ills against marriage; there are laid down rules for every institution and marriage is no exception. The exchange of vows and the ceremony that followed were down within the umbrella of such rules, be they traditional or religious, or even secular like in court marriage. And within these laid down rules you find that gender roles and responsibilities are well defined. It is when either or both parties abandon or neglect their individual responsibilities that trouble starts coming in.


Secondly, there's nothing good and worthwhile that doesn't require a measure of sacrifice, and marriage requires some good measure of sacrifices to make it work.

There are selfless individuals out there in their good numbers who held out against all odds, weathered the storm, and stood in for their partners until they crossed over trying times and are enjoying the fruits of a happy union.

Marriage is not for everyone, especially the self-centered.

brodalokie:
You will be shocked to realize that, Osiris, Horus or Set were the same person. In the real story, he born on December 25th (some say 17th) and was murdered by angry mobs on June 20th and his mother/wife went to the underworld to bring him back. In Greek culture he became the god of the life and death (underworld), depicted as holding a clock on one hand and sickle on the other (reaper or death), he also the person called Saturn in Rome and in another text as Janus (January or Capricorn beginning from December 21 to January 21).
The one that talks about the Queen of heaven most is the version of Tammuz and Ishtar or Nimrod and Semiramis. There you will find that after Tammuz/Nimrod demise, his mother becomes the supreme ruler and goddess and organized the kingdom more than Tammuz.

Matriarchal monarchy is part and passel of tradition.

Like I said, this is all myth with contradictory and unverifiable accounts.

Culture varries and Matriarchal monarchy do exists in some cultures which are in the very minority, be it in Asia, whether far or near east or middle east or in Africa. But the scope of this topic is limited to the Benin Kingdom.

And as far as divinity goes, the zenith of rulership always have a HE up there with some delegatory lower and less important kingdoms assigned to queens.

brodalokie:
Your history of Set, Horus and Osiris, where did you get it from? Lol
Drop me the link or paste some texts here
How do you mean the history wasn't about Isis?
Are you referring the the 2015 Hollywood movie called "God of Egypt"?

Listen, I can decode from your post that you're a Christian (the deep responds to itself).
Mind you, I am only talking like this because somebody said the Bini tradition is a prototype of ancient Egyptian culture which is guarded jealously. I am trying to open the eyes of all readers here that, a woman was infact the supreme ruler in that culture, so it can still happen here in that case.. You can see how much the Catholic regard the mother of god in their service... Also there were times the Jews worshipped the Queen of heaven.

You make me wonder. It was all about the patriarchal monarchy of ancient Egypt where Isis husband, Orisis reigned as king until he was murdered by his brother, Set who assumed the throne.

Mind you, according to the myth they are all divinities (spirits ). Now Isis, the wife of the slain king, brought the king back to life and they had a son, Set. The purpose was for Orisis to have a successor to the throne. At no one time did Isis assume the position of Pharoah or King or Queen supreme.

She (Isis) being worshiped as part of a deity draws no inference to the subject matter of patriarchal vs matriarchal monarchy.

You're simply out of order juxtaposing them here. If you want to talk about deities, gods and goddesses feel free, but that's not what this topic is all about.

brodalokie:
WWII all occurred by a supernatural design or intelligence. I am very proud my grandpa was a veteran, still have photos in our village house.

Do you think it is possible for Benin to switch on to matriarchal monarchy someday, upon the foundation the males are currently laying down?

The first human civilization in Egypt after the death of Osiris they had Isis elevated to a position even more sacred than her husband-son (Osiris), the mother of god. In the Bible she was worshipped as the Queen of heaven. You can also see an example in the Catholic church.

I don't see the Binis or any other patriarchal monarchy system in Nigeria switching to matriarchal monarchy.

Whatever be the current foundation the males are laying down, doesn't present a valid, spiritually backed opportunity for the female folks to unsurp authority. This is spiritual.

As for Isis, it was never about her. Whatever the myth was. It was about her husband's throne and the rivalry between King Orisis (her husband), her husband's brother and rival to the throne Set, and their son Horus, who later became king.

Metuh:
This country don kuku finish .



We never had it bad like this.

Wrong. It was this bad in 1985, so many witnesses have said.

ednut1:
queen victoria was a man i forgot.

Does it matter who was King or Queen when Britain invaded Nigeria?

What mattered was it was a very long, endless line of male genealogy that laid the foundation and pillars on which the British might and heritage stood.

Too bad Europe lost its finests of the male specie during WW2.

vikkimimi:
And here they are(so-called males) jumping upandan as if this news adds a note to their empty pockets.
Whatever this says, it's their business, one of the reasons civilization will take a very long time to be accomplished in this part of the world.

Actually, the "civilized" countries in that part of the world are experiencing moral decline, breakdown in family values and decline in military strength.

BoneBlogger:
A Nigerian soldier has forced to lament on social media following his alleged maltreatment by his superiors. According to the soldier who schooled in Maiduguri, Borno state, he was maltreated by fellow officers and was left with body marks after being seriously flogged and dealt with.

The young officer who decried the alleged action, wrote in pidgin English;

After faightin nd loosin our life for our country dis wot nigeria army officers ar doin 2 our gallant young soldiers my fellow nd able soldiers all over d country z it fair we need 2 stand nd fight 4 our ryt.......Abi una hear say officer d flog officer

Source; https://www.nationalhelm.co/2018/06/soldier-laments-after-being-flogged-by-his-superiors-see-what-his-body-looks-like.html

Maybe the brutalized soldier was implying officers don't flog officers but can flog civilians.

Whatever the reason for your treatment, you belong to one of the world's most unprofessional armed forces.

Another neo-feminist trying to blur the gender line to her favour.

So she needs a man who stays home and cook for her lazy ass when she returns from work or a man who works and comes home and cook for her?

Hello Ekaite the housemaid, I prophesy your Estheric promotion for your madam has relinquished her exalted position due to her pride.

sydneyboss:
Like I said earlier, your stupidity is forever ignored _keep typing English when you are done ask your parents about anal sex and get your answer from them until then don't quote me again I don't argue with shallow minded people

I knew you never had the mental discipline to carry out your proposed forever ignoring me.

Nah, not with someone like me. Only special peeps can do that. It's either you're made of thick skin that's impervious to my onslaught, or you're damn humble enough to walk away.

But you don't belong in either category. You're a proud, bone-headed, ill-exposed, self-conceited, snotty pig who pokes his prying nose into what goes on under the sheets of a husband and his wife.

That makes you an uncivilized gorilla hiding under the canopy of Christendom.

chrisley:
Sup bro? seems you now have a blog running.. congrats




Abeg you and postmann should free Grammarnazi1 o.. a good job he's been doing actually.. and probably a business oriented venture to attract clients for editing deals

I must confess that I've learnt a thing or two from the grammatical revisal since i started following him

So pls don't kill his vibes

Chrisley, my nigga. It's rude when a stranger elects himself and starts correcting someone else's grammatical errors in a public forum. It's never the time nor place. It's plain stupidity.

It's a public, live interractive forum where people type or spell words in their corrupted forms or abbreviation. It's normal in a setting like this.

Over 90% of his ITK activities are errors already known to the writer who is either too lazy to do proof reading or simply doesn't care that much.

But to have someone in his mold who sidesteps burning issues and start focusing on people's typos from thread to thread is a sure sign of someone who is a depraved lunatic.

GrammarNazi1:
You keep mentioning me. I am on to other important things. It's time to relax, boy. You are just a waste of important space.

You mentioned me first when you felt the need to garner some cheap attention, and there's nothing actually going on about your dreary life.

You're just another nuisance choking the cyberspace with your inferiority complex.

GrammarNazi1:
Your actions online mirror...

Leave the little grammar bloopers, they don't matter here and never will. What matters is you finding a job, a real job.

GrammarNazi1:
You are loquacious. Get productively busy. I corrected your errors. Move on!

Did you just say I should get productively busy??

Hello, Mr butt-rutted, left-behind cyber-dolt who roams this blogosphere like an automated vagabond looking for typos to pick up. Your real life counterparts are picking up recycleable items from human refuse dump, making some little cash for themselves while you spend your youthful hours rummaging through cyber junks looking for typos, going home the same broke, boring bum!

What a wretched mentality!!!

GrammarNazi1:
Are you hallucinating? I corrected your errors. Be grateful!

This is your first attempt at fightback, and guess what? It's as watery as the inferior sperm that formed a mentally imblanced dweeb as yourself.