@na2day - you and I will ne er agree. I feel I am on topic. You feel I am off topic. I feel one question is unfair without the other. You feel it is unfair to interject an extraneous topic. We can not be rconciled and will never agree but I hope we can respectfully agree to disagree. I bid u peace.

Please leave your sister's home ASAP. Stay away from that wicked husband and seek thee face of God. Resist the devil and he will flee. Purify your heart. Run to the refuge of the almighty.

@na2day - All I am saying is that if you demand fidelity, be ready to give fidelity. If the girl or guy cheats, leave them and move on with your life if you demaanded absolute faithfulness but dont expect to reap a faithful fiance or bride when you yourself are off cheating in the diaspora. You reap what you sow.

na2day?:

stick to the topic, u know u girls cheat with a straight face and lie with and even straighter face

This is still on topic. It is ironic that this question is being asked and the women are being derided as cheaters when there is story after story and thread after thread about guys abroad cheating with, marrying, and having children with foreign ladies with the ulterior motive to return to their Naija sweethearts. I am not bashing anyone; but, I stand by my original post. The question needs to be asked whether the guy who demands fidelity on the part of the lady in Nigeria is giving her the same fidelity and faithfulness while he is abroad; or, is he bedding a temporary girlfriend until he is ready and able to wed the intended madam from Nigeria.

If you cheated on her and never cheated again, why can't you forgive her indiscretion? am not condoning cheating but your life has been merged with her for 4 years. You love her dearly and sounds like she loves you. I don't know your relationship but the manner in which she cheated sounds like she has been lacking attention from you. Ladies crave attention and when their man is not giving enough of it, rest assured that some other guy is always willing to step in and boost your ego. If you love her, follow sistawoman's advice and monitor the relationship until trust can be reestablished. Infidelity can be overcome but it is tough. Now, many guys are telling you that you can never trust her b/c she cheated but how many of them cheat or have cheated on their wives or gfs and fully expect forgiveness? Why so hard on the woman? Forgive her sins so that your sins may be forgiven. Forgive your neighbor 70x7!

The better question is "Can Girls In Nigeria Trust Naija Guys Abroad to Be Faithful?"

Pray for him. Pray for your parents but please tell him he must stop this. It is hurting you too much and if he doesnt stop, you will have to leave him b/c you need love and support from a spouse, not pain and ridicule!

Guys and Ladies, how would handle a lover who breaks a promise to you? Does it matter if it is a BIG promise (to travel or marry, etc.) or a SMALL promise (a missed date or appointment, etc.)?

I would vizamp so quickly he would think our marriage had been a dream. I am too precious to throw my life away on a man who doesnt value it.

Poster: Where are u from and where do u live now?

Even if the wife has the c-section, depending on the health of the MiL, the doctors may not allow a baby in her hospital room. The same applies for the baby. There may be unforseeen health issues with the baby that preclude the child from leaving the hospital. The husband has not thought these issues through.

I like full well shaped soft moist lips

@kendo50- Glad you appreciate a lady with ample assets.

September 12th! Whassup Virgo and Libra babies. I loved September so much I came 2 months early to come in! Luv ya!

I love it when a man takes my face in his hands and kisses my face softly and gently all over, I love it when my man tells me how much he needs me in his life and then gives me his credit card to prove it, I love it when my man calls me darling with that sexy accent, I love when my man says you belong to me only and I belong to you only, I love it when my man says my job is to please you fully in all ways.

@Iyakadijat, I understand your dilemma as to what to do after a major breakup. I was 33 when I divorced after a horrible marriage and this experience is what I have based my advice to you upon, that, and my work experience. Yes, have fun. Yes, go out. Yes re-learn who you are and pursue your passions and hearts desires. It is just very easy to attach our desires to those of others and to lose ourselves in the desires and ambitions of others. I only hope the absolute best for you. Keep your head up and keep smiling!

Even tough a c-section is fairly "routine", it is still very serious. The baby should be allowed to come when God dictates, not when hubby and mother in law choose. This is so inconsiderate.

@ Secretz, I also can do with cooking lessons. I only know 1 dish. When we marry, will have to get up to speed. My honey already gave me a Yoruba name, though. Ope.

The 5th Amendment to the US Constitution gives one the right to not incriminate onself. For example "I refuse to answer and plead the 5th Amendment because such answers may incriminate me."

There was a case in the US in Texas where a father had sex with his daughters and had several children with them. This occurred in the late 80s. The family was African American and the whole community was shocked by it. The father was a pastor! However, that was not the most shocking aspect of the story. On Oprah, the father and 2 or 3 of the girls were interviewed and the father leveled the allegation that the mother not only knew of the abuse, but that the father put the girls in bed with him and his wife for sex! I will never forget that horrible story. In my city, there was also a man caught having sex with both his son and daugter! When caught, the man claimed this was common in his country (he was an Asian immigrant). Funny thing though, his oldest son came by as the police arrived. The son was going to kill his father for hurting his siblings. Of course the grown son denied this behavior as normal in their country. These men will do anything!

African Americans believe it is a sign of financial gain. I need to make a list of these beliefs to compare with beliefs held by indigenous Africansm

Ummm, I am not middle aged Nigerian man; but, I think that is very, very wrong. Maybe he meant once or twice a day. Also, where did the statistics come from?

Sweetheart, my advice to refrain from dating was not an attack on your self esteem. Also, be not deceived by feelings of arrogance and inflated self esteem "bordering on conceit." Don't drink your own Kool-Aid. If your Kool-Aid could really be trusted, you wouldn't have spent 8 years with an unworthy man. All I am saying to you is to let the dust settle from this car accident before you step into the next car.

Race is not a factor in who cares the most. However, it seems that white men may be more attentive than black men on the surface. Black men express their love for you differently than white men but it doesn't mean they care less.

@Iyakadijat: I hope you will consider my earlier advice and resist the temptation to date so soon. Please, date yourself right now. Spend time knowing you right now. I bid you peace in heart, mind and spirit.

lizzy A:

@ london4play,what do u mean by cook and bull story?anyway i know what am going thru dats why i decided 2 seek advise frm people i dont know becos i cant be disclosing my problem to people at work becos i dont want people to start discussing about me.i had no intention of involving d cops becos of his CRB,all i want is 4 things to work out btw us,becos i love him,he has really done alot for me,monetry wise.

Dear, there is nothing that man can do worth you giving your whole life to him.  Not only has he taken all your social outlets by cutting you off from others, you literally run the risk of losing your life to this guy from physical abuse. Dont give your life away to someone like this.

This lady's original post and responses are classic battered woman's views.  Please dear, do whatever you can to save your life!  It is okay to love someone, but not to the point that you are willing to lose your own life in the process.  If the man beats you to death, what love will either of you have?  I would call the cops in and I would leave him.  Tell them he has your passport and stay in a battered women's shelter until you can get your own place.  Please know there is nothing that you can do to "provoke" him enough to warrant this type of beating.  

If the man goes to jail over his atrocities to you, that is not your problem.  His behavior toward you caused this and not anything you did.  Please stop blaming yourself.  You can never be good enough or love him enough to change him.  You can only change yourself and you realize your value and worth to yourself first and not to him.  You are worthy of so much more than to be beaten day and night!  Please dear, work out an escape plan so that your parents won't have to bury you before time.