₦airaland Forum

U were not dumb or naive. U were only trying to make your marriage work. It's just like driving without checking the blind spot to notice some obstacles.

But since you have now checked your blind spot and have discovered some potholes, Have you decided on what to do to those obstacles over the weekend? Are u ready to tell him that the joint account thing is not working for u and for your interest in that marriage stating the reasons?

I will advise that you guys should try Operating both separate and joint accounts. Decide how much should go into the joint account and stick to it. But as your family situation changes along the line like new baby, inflation, forces of demand and supply, u keep on amending it.

Example, if you were earning #50000 a month, u can decide to put #30000 inside the joint account while he puts similar amount too. Then both of u can decide on what to spent together using the joint account. It could be children school fees, groceries, rent, bills etc.

U should understand that everyone both married and single deserves to have personal savings. It got nothing to do with love. If you have your own separate account there won't be any need for him insulting your parent when they asked for an occasional financial help.

If you don't know what to say over the weekend, take some time and write it out like you were going for a meeting. Try and resolve this amicably.. u know whom you married. Some people are naturally controlling. If he is the type, u know how to manage him better than anyone here....See this as one of the marital challenges that needed urgent attention. No shouting match no screaming ....Be matured about it.. . Though I believe u can do it since you have pretended this far as if all is well. Goodluck this weekend.

midnighter:
..are you serious? So because he doesnt like the flavour, he cant even thank her for her effort??

I believed he thanked her. Just that OP was not happy because he didn't go all out dancing, screaming or even fainting about what she has done

That's just the difference between men and women. U managed to get him a belt, and he didn't like it. U took the belt back, got offended as if u have done the greatest thing since sliced bread ... (in your holy and righteous anger just bear in mind how he may have spent fire just to see that smiles on your face while u were courting )

If reverse was the case, he would have moved heaven on earth just to get u the right gift.. A man that likes a woman will always wants to make her happy. when the lady smiles, it strokes his ego that he can make her happy and that smile also lightened his world.. but when some ladies try it, they feel as if they were doing him a favour.. as if he was a charity case.

I believe in your kindergarten days u may have been told that when u failed to achieve something that was worth it, U try, and try some more until you get it right. Why didn't u use that ideology...U failed just once, u waited for 2 whole years to try again. is that fair?

Maybe you should sit down and genuinely try to know what he wanted. We are not difficult species to understand.. I haven't seen a complicated man before.. A lot of us are pretty straight forward... I am also happy that lots of u understands us too much.

The fact that he eats cake does not mean he likes all kinds of Cake. The flavour you got might not be his favourite. He might even be allergic to
It. Like me, I like cake but I can't stand chocolate cakes..

The fact that he eats meat does not mean that he eats every flesh that moves..

But I want to encourage you to keep the good work.. U will get it right

But was there no other alternative...Was there no little boat that can take them across.. People just love dangerous games... if one dies in the process of crossing that bridge, the government will only speak English..why are they playing this rough game with their lives

I can't believe this was Tottenham

OlawaleBammie:
See u?? u carry Belle giv person and u no wan admit say u don get wife?

The way you were petting the guy and making his irresponsibility look really nice is so heart warming.. u were even giving him a sermon of proofing his love for "the wife" but he deliberately omitted or totally forgot to tell you that he was only sowing a wild oats.. Indians call it tasting the cuisine. It got nothing to do with marriage.

I swear I like your type a lot. U will make a wonderful Y2K dad.. But if my kid should do something faddish like this, I will hit the roof first before calming..

KraticKratus:
He called being searched humiliation?

These zoogerians need to get out more.

I deliberately read the write up twice just to make sure I find anything that looks like humiliation..

That's really hilarious and creative too.. Just wondering what his parents would say

Respeckk:
I alone,but its just too sensitive a topic dont want to sound insulting,evrything is a trigger.

I can imagine.. I wish I could tell you a creative way to start the topic.This one pass me. But Don't lose hope. first find a doctor that will be willing to help... the rest will follow. You can probably get drunk one day or fake being drunk and say what your intentions are

Respeckk:
Now she is visiting i want to do treat it,my dad is the last person she will listen to because she will see it as insult(always cat and dog) .

So who does she listened to in the family?

It's not an issue of bathing.. I guess it's internal.. If u wanna help her, Then do all the research that u have to do on your own ... Consult a doctor about it.. Then when the time comes for her to meet the doctor that you have consulted one on one, U go through your dad. Since u can't say it, but your dad can.. It will be easier that way..

OlawaleBammie:
I tot as much, sorry for d loss.

Anyway, u just hav to brace up guy, try as much as u can to help out. Try to prove ur love to ur wife, tank goodness d lady's family are trying there best to help u guys.

Mmmm!! Excuse me which wife are u talking about?

I have no idea that people still make this kind of mistakes. This mistake belongs to the '80's when condoms were not common..

You should be happy it's just pregnancy..

cococandy:
Y’alls pain is sooooo sweet

the guys have given you more love here on this thread more than any other thread.. I hope you are not feeling too bad

We are one.. The difference is just communication.. By saying inter mixing tribe in terms of marriage.. when an Ibo and a yoruba decided to get married, will their kids have blue eyes, blond hair and olive coloured skins?

Very lawless indeed.. Just that shocking video of police officers trying their very best to arrest innocent citizens illegally and was stopped by another Citizen confirmed the whole sorry state of affairs in Nigeria.. Imagine citizens were now the ones stopping uniformed Officers from conducting illegal activities..

I mean what was the motives behind that act? Was it to harvest more money inside the govt treasury account or what? The annoying part was they can be identified but no one is doing anything about it..

Is this write up an advice or showcasing arrogance.. I don't know which

That could give a man some heart attack and lots of sleepless nights..

martowskin1:
My brother all this plenty story, let me ask, have u ever gone for a protest?

I don't reside in Nigeria

ireneidiva:
Are you sure you read the story? His father gave out the car twice to the same person. So why should he collect it back?

Trust me I read it perfectly.. Based on that story, Have you considered the reason why the father deemed it necessary to get the car back after the so called first time dash? . Why do u think on his sick bed he's still thinking and mumbling about the car?

How many individuals in their right mind would give out a property like an only functioning car in the family to another when they got none to supplement it, especially when it was used in running day today business..

I still maintain that if the car is special to the Dad, and he ignorantly gave it away due to brain washing; OP should tell the mechanic family friend the circumstances surrounding the car, how special it was for his old man, pay whatever the man said was the costs of fixing it and get it back FULL STOP

It's so sad. I remembered how some months ago Nigerians were vocal over some Pastor and a lady over rape issues.. Even though the rape was not substantiated, Some angry Nigerians went as far as demonstrating in front of the church of the Accused..

A lot of people were sitting on the fence due to lack of evidence. But those that didn't say anything were still happy that at least this kind of thing is now being talked about.. That the citizens are now awake and can finally express their happiness and also register their displeasure as well to make Nigeria a better place..

But It was so sad to realise that those strong vocal opinions on the Internet was just once in a blue moon and it's done only when it concerns the elite in the society... Meaning that the poor and the voiceless ones should be used to what was happening to them.. how I wish that it was also extended to the poor in terms of fighting their plight in the society.

Just thinking aloud.. Assuming it was a landed properties,and it was in the hands of your dad's friend would you have left it?

Even if the "man of God" prophesy that land is not good, that there is a big poison buried in that land, .. Would you have agreed to abandon the land because he said so?

The car belongs to your dad. As a member of the family u have the right to retrieve it if u want..

Everyone must die someday..A life that is full of fear is not a way to live. Having said that , it doesn't mean that u should throw caution to the wind.. In my opinion If u have the money, get your properties back and ask your mother what she thinks u should do with it.

But that is change

Maybe he was discombobulated over what happened.. it's not as if he abandoned her.. probably he has gone to look for the money.. Things are not always the way it seems

Just maybe she may have been experiencing low sex drive for a long time before both of u even met.. Having children;
and u moving to another city may have been like a blessing in disguise for her ... Now that you were about to get back, she wanted to give you some heads up.. The sex chat might just be to fulfill all righteousness.. just an act as a concern wife who was not having some while away.. .. the chat might not come from the heart.. but I believe she wasn't cheating.. Just find out how you can get her libido up .. medical wise.. or romantic settings ie when u finally get back..

Sorry to digress on your write up OP just that I have not been coming online here for some time, logged in on Nairaland today, and everything kinda changed..looks disorganised .. front page, family section etc. Even my name comes with red inks.. Was the website attacked again with virus or was it my phone that was playing tricks?

That's why Nairaland is a funny online platform to be.. Characters everywhere

Daviddson:
I disagree with those of you talking about karma when the OP made it clear in his other thread that it was the brother's wife who seduced and practically threatened him into sex with her. Though that doesn't totally mean he's innocent, it's wrong to say he's experiencing retribution. Notwithstanding, this is obviously a spiritual case.

What this young man needs is deliverance and salvation.

his Brother's wife threatened him with sex? He should have abandoned his shirt too like Joseph in the good book and ran way... Does that ring a bell? ..

On a serious note, in my my opinion, This got nothing to do with spiritual. He only needs peace in his heart through change of thought.. in a situation where there are means , a good specialist doctor can diagnose what the problems are.. Only when there are no means that people resort to tagging everything to spiritual..

U remember in Nigeria every poor old woman is always a witch.. If she's the type that suffers amnesia and mistakenly goes out and couldn't figure out where her house is... Oh!! She's coming back from witchcraft meeting. Some will claim they saw her flying down the road. . . for me that's how this OP's case sounds... Ignorance from the side of the inlaws

U can even meet a nice potential suitor on Nairaland..Nothing is impossible

Acidosis:
It doesn't break your heart to know that men who haven't been to church in 10 years ignore women like themselves, and go after the very thing they claim to hate??

It doesn't bother you when men who wouldn't fast for 5 hours try to marry women who spend at least 3 days in a week praying and fasting?

Many of the problems you've highlighted can be ignored if we make the right perfect choices.

Did it occur to you bro that most men that were complaining and passing through all these didn't bargain for it? They dated and married regular ladies who doesn't sleep in churches? But due to some marital challenges, slowly but surely some one introduced these spiritual directors to the ladies.. in quest of solving family matters the ladies jumped deep into it..

Acidosis:
It doesn't break your heart to know that men who haven't been to church in 10 years ignore women like themselves, and go after the very thing they claim to hate??

It doesn't bother you when men who wouldn't fast for 5 hours try to marry women who spend at least 3 days in a week praying and fasting?

Many of the problems you've highlighted can be ignored if we make the right perfect choices.

Did it occur to you bro that most men that were complaining and passing through all these didn't bargain for it? They dated and married regular ladies who doesn't sleep in churches? But due to some marital challenges, slowly but surely some one introduced these spiritual directors to the wife...