₦airaland Forum

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OP it seems that you have issues with paragraph..Please Have mercy on some of us who likes to read but when letters and words were clustering in one place. it's too exhausting to read....

Everything is not about spiritual matters where you fast and pray.. What do you guys do with your data bundles/ internet? Do some research man.. Simply type Solutions for Low Libido in Men on Google .. You will find so many things.. Haba!!!!!!!!!!!!

I might be wrong on this assertion but I have to voice out what I think.

The more I read all what op is writing, the more I think that this story might be fictitious.. it lacks nuclear family originality, orientations and flavour.. let it not be that he is just leading the readers on..

Reading between the lines, the write up has the quality of someone that is still single, no children involved, unlike someone that was married for 7yrs with kids.. Anyone that studied a bit of literature and understands it will agree with me that most of the time, it's not about what was written but what wasn't.. and I won't say more of what wasn't.. just leaving it for the reader to make their choice.

Lastly No sane respectable responsible married man would graphically describe his wife's sexual dealings like that. Even some that were into boyfriend and girlfriend relationship that respects their partners cannot even go into details when talking about the 'place' his supposed children were incubated before coming to this world. That's pure disrespectful to the children if this guy is truly married.. Maybe I'm being old fashioned but anyways
I apologise if this is real. I'm done here.

myang500:
Please be informed, it was in her own words that she said we are sharing the bill, if we are sharing bills my brother. she wont be able to survive it, just small sharing here and there, she don turn am to we dey share bills, please check out my last post. I'm a software programmer, i dont have time for kitchen, not everyone can be the same, try to understand that. I have told this woman several times never to tell me that am insecure, it was not needed for her to have said that.

My brother, U are a software programmer. And software programmers also finds time to eat. Even in space, I believe they eat over there too..
You can basically programme a time for yourself. Say one hour in the morning for breakfast since you married an aspiring career woman. Fix something for your self within that hour. When you said that you do not have time for kitchen, it shows that it has not occurred to you to make out time for it.. Think about it brother. I believe u started as a programmer before marriage.. after the wedding vow, u have to rearrange your life because u don't expect to live the way u were living before; this is because someone is already in to intrude on your well 'organised' space.

When kids starts rolling out, another major rearrangement has to be made too. Because u can't tell me that when your little daughter comes to u and said daddy I'm hungry, u tell her honey I don't have time for kitchen.

There are lots of things that people sacrifice just for peace to reign in the family. I believe fixing things for yourself here and there might not be too hard a sacrifice to make.

As for her saying that you were insecure.. Hmmm!! I think you should learn to live with that word because she has found a weapon that she can use anytime she get cornered. She knows that u don't like it, so..U are human too buddy.. and human beings always finds things to do or say to make another to get off their back.. Try and develop a thick skin to those words..because it will definitely come back again...

Bro, from me to you, you can make this marriage work if u put in an extra effort.. be a little bit layback..Don't look at who is right or wrong.. Whose role is to do this or that.. the earlier you realise that you guys were a team, the better bro.I know without her putting in her own effort too it might get u frustrated but do your best man. Wishing you the best..

Most Marriages has passed through this kind of phase my brother. Anyone telling you that it will be rosy from start to finish is not being realistic. Getting married is easy but staying married is where the whole thing gets complicated.

Those argument to me is so original except the part of cheating.. I have heard that line of insult about ugly and small Penis before but from much older couple that got married about 40 something yrs..

The only problem I have seen with your marriage is how to strike a balance between modern day living and traditional style of marriage. U don't know where to draw the line. U wanted a Morden marriage at the same time traditional lifestyle/kinda marriage and u couldn't balance it..

U were splitting the bills bro. And she is trying to do her part to come up with her own share. So her business will do that part and running a business is time consuming and that to me is Morden.. But then, u still want her to come back home on time and do the cooking while u were at home.(traditional )

Assuming the arrangements was for her to stay @home while u provide everything, then if she was neglecting your breakfast by watching movies or painting her nails, I would have said oh! what a woman. But in this case, what she was doing was for the best interest of the family. So if I were you, I will arrange my own breakfast once in a while even lunch knowing that it's modernised style of marriage...where her contribution to the upkeep of the family is crucial/ important.

My final opinion is that don't take what she said about bringing a man home seriously. U attacked her were it hurts.. saying a woman was ugly even when she was can make a her say so many unprintable things just to get back @u.. Just to make it look like if u don't appreciate, someone else would.

So the bottom line here is to define the style of marriage that u wanted or that is suitable for you two from now on...Morden, traditional or combination of both. Then research on what you can do to make it work..

I'm so proud of the boys. They are really stamping their authority wherever field they found themselves. .

I remembered about 7-8yrs ago, it was like a taboo to say that you were a Liverpool fan.. when our premier league positions were usually 4th, 5th or 6th positions..I'm glad about the turn of events. Also happy about the fact that people can now boldly say that they were Liverpool fan..

However I am worried about the bragging going on. Liverpool supporters were not used to bragging... We are simply silent achievers.. I hope these were genuine supporters who will stick with the boys when the road gets bumpy not the fair weather fans..

How would you manage a business assuming you were in charge of it if u will be making poor decisions all the time?
Though I don't think there's anything wrong with gambling. If I say there is, I wIll be a big time hypocrite because there are lots of people making it through speculation using , Futures or Options market... That is also gambling..but when next u wanna gamble make sure it's your money.

So who is to be blamed for all these? The blood tasty citizens who can't hesitate to take the laws into their own hands by killing someone first before asking questions?

Or are we to blame the woman who figured it out long time ago that the moment she screams, there are lots of insensitive people out there who could not apply wisdom before doing things..

If I'm correct, the woman was sitting @the passengers seat right, So how did the man become a car snatcher if he was dragging the woman out of the passenger's seat?.. because if u were gonna be snatching a car, the driver's seat is what u will be aiming right?..

I think People should be cautious this days while responding to any information anywhere even online.. false alarm comes in different ways.. unfortunately the false alarm that has been skyrocketing more than the rest around the world is rape cases.. Every one should just be cautious and apply wisdom.

What kind of market is that? A monopoly market,?.. was she the only one selling fish or vegetables in the whole market that she has to act like that despite the fact that you have money to pay? Haba!!

Anyways, Sometime, How u dress is how they address u sir... When next u are going to that market, storm it with an unapproachable air.. Starting with a no nonsense frowning face, to your formal wear(no ties )..

When u get to her shop, every interaction should be in English.. no broken English.. If they asked anything reply in English without smile... the last time I checked, nothing puts market sellers off like English it reminds most of them of their inadequacies
Bear in mind that as u were doing that, they might try to get back at u by telling you that #45 fish is #55.. are u gonna haggle or walk away?

I will also suggest that you should learn to start shopping somewhere else.. in my opinion, what they were doing was not only harassment but bullying too...attacking your personality without provocation and insinuating that you were a woman is bullying...

Next time tell her to mind her business that her husband should be enough for her considering the fact that she was not your type, she got no business asking?

Elder0001:
Who’re they’re cheating with? Goats?

Y’all never seize to amaze me . A Nigerian guy can cheat 50times and expect a girl to marry him but If it’s the reverse he’ll swear blood... I don’t blame them Sha, I blame the girls who don’t have self esteem and see marriage as a must in life.

I don't really understand what you were trying to imply here sir. Are u saying that it was OK for her to cheat on the OP? That she should have gotten some sense of pride by not asking for forgiveness despite the fact that she cheated?

What if OP was not among the statistics of those whom u were nicely generalising as "Nigerian guys" that cheats, Are u gonna say he shouldn't complain but shut up because he is a Nigerian guy and Nigerian guys cheats on their spouses?

Don't listen to anyone that tells you to marry when you are not financially ready. it's like committing a sacriledge in the world of Finance..

The Bible says that money answereth all things, have you managed to ask them the meaning of that?

My bible stipulated that any man that cannot provide for his wife and children are worst than an infidel.. Maybe u should ask the person or the pastor if he has come across that bible verse... Maybe he can personally explain that to u.

Besides, we have heard cases of men running away from the hospital because their wife gave birth to twins, triplets Or even through C section.
It can happen to anyone. Especially the financially challenged brothers.. A woman is not an investment at least throughout my days in uni studying Finance, I have never heard about a situation where a financially incapacitated single man got married..Boom!! Every window opportunities involving wealth/ Assets/ riches starts opening.. That is just absurd...

Creativity, brainstorming/ planning is what changes situations not the wife but if u are gonna go by faith as some suggested to u instead of planning
Then I wish you the best of luck..

I dislike snakes

I am guessing that the said flat does not have a separate Kitchen, If it does, I would have said start cooking by yourselves as a married couple. First discuss it with your parent so that it won't look like your wife was the one that said so...have a little independent, stay and save a little money so that you can start building your own..
If I were you, the money I will use dash the landlords, I will open a separate account and start dumping it there as if it was meant for the landlord himself..If you do that religiously every month, in 3years, U will be surprised how much you will be saving... I have no Idea why I was giving you this advise for free sha.. I paid to acquire the knowledge

It seems that you are more involved with what your neighbours were doing more than what you really want... u are about to act like a little kid that doesn't want a toy, but because other kids got toys he started looking for a way to get one.

There is no need for u to join the band wagon when you weren't ready. It is easy to get married but it is not so easy to stay married and staying married is what counts.... If u are so lonely, and you are a dog person, ask your landlord if u can get a little dog. U house train it. It's a good companion until you are ready...

How about cooking/ baking .. becoming a chef is now the newest/ biggest deal nowadays.
She can learn how to make cakes, Cook international Dish..etc.

Even after that, if she wants to do another career, the skills she got will not go to waste .. as she is studying, she can design wedding cakes for people, help organise function depending on their budget..

ogawisdom:
Both of u should be concerned about this and visit a hospital to be sure everything is fine.

How can u be fuking a woman of 25 yrs for almost a year and no sign of pregnancy haba

Both of u should go on your knees and pray to God for fruit of the womb, barrenness is not your portion in Jesus name

My brother.. this post shows that you have never attended a literature class for once.. I bet you were a science student while in high school..If not you would have known that euphemism is required when addressing a respectable/ responsible married couple.

After throwing your "F" bomb, You gave a wonderful prayer that Pope himself would have even given you a medal if he sees it

I don't really see what the problems are... When it comes to kids, I don't go about over analysing it because there's no kid that came with a manual while coming into the planet.

Every parent/ family were trying their very best to figure out what works for them.. If the man feels or thinks that tricking them was the best way for them to behave, that's cool.. Just like some parents don't believe in spanking their kids and some do.. it's not as if those who spanks their kids were bad parents. Some has figured it out that spanking works for them.. Though I'm not talking about child abuse..

Just maybe you haven't used the right word that will make her relax.. or words that got an alternative should what you guys were doing were not paying off...

Let her know that she is married to u and u only that children were just an addition..

Words like I am not ready for the competing affection with the kids yet..

Things like what I feel towards you won't change kids or no kids... Besides our marriage is still young. That if "shove comes to a push " there are lots of kids looking for adoption. .let her know what matters is her and nothing else.

Any of my relatives that's acting like your wife, I always refer her to living in bondage.. There was a beautiful lady that acted the part of "Chinyere".. she acted a lot of movies in the middle '90s. a leading role in Glamour Girls, True Confession etc.. she was beautiful, speaks flawless English.. she was married to an Actor called Emeka Osai in real life.. Rumour has it that she put herself in a vulnerable conditions just like your wife is doing.. Going to all kinds of place like white garment churches, herbal places, etc
She died in the process. Now Emeka is married with kids. Enjoying life.. I don't think people still remembers her... I can't forget about her because I was a fan.. Her name was Jennifer OLisa. If u type pretty on Google, her picture might appear because she was really good looking..
So I use her as a reference point for any lady acting silly..

Your persistence has paid off. Congratulations. What do you want to study in Uni. Law?

ASKING A FELLOWSHIP GIRL OUT 101

The question is, What kind of fellowship do you attend? Because except you were blind or you were not paying attention, you should have noticed that there are two main categories of fellowships on Nigerian campuses and asking them out were not the same.. I guess U got

1.The headscarf wearing fellowships and
2. "The weave on " or come as u are fellowships

The headscarf wearing fellowships :
You need only three things for the sister to accept u or for u to be qualify for dating..
<<know your bible
<<ability to speak in Tongues
<<Ability to teach chemistry, mathematics and physics ..

So if her course is related to yours, it is quite simply. Introduce yourself in that fellowship. Ask her of her department... ask the course that was posing as a challenge to her.. give her the tips... U can even volunteer to teach her. From there, you can teach your way into her heart.. simple.

If your course were not related do not worry..Still introduce yourself, do a research about where she lives, drop by @ her place unannounced with school bag . Say you were at the neighbourhood on group study. Since u were around, u decided to drop by to say hello... she might ask how you happens to know where she was living. Just say that a brother told you..Be fast to think on your feet..

Act like you were in a hurry to leave..Stay for 5-10mins collect her number and promise to visit again. Second time, while going, Buy biscuits with can cokes(depending on number of her room mates. It is not compulsory just common curtsey ), or fruits like banana and groundnut.. U don't need much money to impress the sisters... If she accept your gift u are good to go.. because God gave the female specie third sense to know when a man was interested..

Just ask her out.. u don't need a killer pick up line... u don't also need money.As a matter of fact, sisters spends on brothers in this category.. it is painful and annoying to watch. They cook for him with their own money just to be like Ruth in the bible..


<<The come as u are or Weave On fellowships
For u to qualify or have a successful date you will need

1.To have a good dress sense..
2. Your house / hostel room must be clean and not crowded and in order. when I say in order,( I mean TV, good rug, good bed with clean sheets maybe a table top fridge)
3. Little cash to assist when the time comes because it will definitely come
4. Good command in English language. If u got British fake accents the better chance..

If these were all yesssses, then you are good to go. Just boldly approach her, introduce yourself and your department. After the fellowship. Tell her u want to know about her a little more.. she will smile and ask why.. simply say it's not easy to find a beautiful lady that loved the lord.. just take it from there... U need to think on your feet more while talking to this category because most of them are street smart..

Remember she will score you based on your confidence, dress sense and Mannerism or the ability to express yourself in English.. please do not smell of sweat.. just a roll on will be fine. And don't beat around the bush... This category will like some one that is bragging.Never..OK never ever try it.be humble and be your self.

But on a serious note, This should be the work of your Uncle @ home.. He should be the one explaining all these to you with humour.. That is why nature gave them to you... u don't call them uncles for nothing.. God knows how many times I have explained similar stuff..but with warning for my younger nephews to be careful.. So, like them, I will still ask you to be careful.. protect yourself..Don't jump into something you never bargained for.. Your Dad will not like it if u bring shame to the family... Also remember being in final year is not a yardstick for asking a lady out.. you need to be prepared mentally for any outcome that involves relationship and u take responsibility. The heartache, the disappointment, pregnancy etc..So as an Uncle, i am saying be warned.

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I'm Sorry for what was going on in your marriage... having a kid is a chore not to talk of 3 @ the same time... though You made it sound like he was a house guest and not a father and member of the family. Doesn't he help out in the house? How did he create a time to chat on FB?

I don't know why your man was this insensitive. Why he feels like he's the only one that deserves sex and u don't.. u are equally human and u needed that too but unfortunately he couldn't understand it because a lot of people were naturally selfish...

You are a strong person to have found a voice to answer him instantly when he said something that stupid.. . This kinda situation doesn't deserve a response.. the response it needed was a stare.. you should have given him that look that can lower the temperature of the North Pole... If he is sensitive, he will understand... just let him help around the house... If he wants sex share the chores .. with that u will not be so tired to enjoy it too..

zed7:
This is marriage, a life time thing but its looking too technical with a lot of plotting and projecting. The reasons people get divorced so much is because they go in with expectations of certain outcomes and when it backfires they chicken out.
She's very honest and I like that. However, you don't necessarily need a husband to give your kid a father figure. Uncles and brothers can play that role. She should first find love before thinking of the other aspects otherwise it will only be a disaster.
It's better to be in a long term relationship and be happy than to wear a ring and be miserable. She's not so interested in being loved in my opinion, she just wants a husband.

I agree with u that love was not on that agenda. I also love the fact that she got an idea of what she wanted. we have to respect that.
Marriage is no longer a lifetime thing.. there are lots of people going in and out of it she will be fine.

zed7:
Desperate people will always run into trouble. You are obviously desperate which is not going to end well. You are into this for selfish reasons, not because you want to love and be loved.
Recondition your mind and seek love, then the issue of marriage will not seem this complicated. Never be desperate, it shows and will make others capitalize on it.

I will not basically call that a selfish reason... Though I like her honesty too much.
Based on her keywords,
--- Suitors are scarce.. It could be interpreted as she doesn't want to be alone. therefore any man is all good.
---Father figure for her kid.. which to me is not all that bad and could not be interpreted as selfish.
--- She wants to prove a point to the EX that she is capable of getting a man..

It all sounds to me like a lady that knew what she wanted.. It is not compulsory love must be on the agreement.. But if love eventually comes, I think she will be fine. But Since love was not included, we cannot tag it as selfish...It's like a business deal to be..
For those that were thinking it was because of relocation, If the man happens to tell her that she can do that and more but with the condition of relocating with her, Is that not a perfect deal, is anyone worse-off, It would have been a perfect match made in heaven. at the end everyone gets what he or she wanted.
(though I still have to stress there are 65% chance that the man was on that relationship because of how he feel.

Seunnzy:
boys rose ABI the mumu keeper gifted u a goal

.. I never knew you've seen it that way

Genqq:
Don't get me wrong my guy, the dude is 42years old and has been married before.

Likewise, OP is a 40year old single mother and we all know that most guy wouldn't give a second thought to a woman with her SMV unless there's something to be gained (in this case could be papers?) I just have a strong feeling that the guy sees OP as a ticket out of 9ja.

His supposed marriage packed up in his 20s - why wait 15+ years before reaching out to OP?

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My brother, I am not in that guy's head to know what he was thinking.I don't wanna be the devil's advocate. But to out rightly assume that the guy wanted to use the OP as a means of moving abroad is just preposterous..

Yes he was married before. But now he was no longer married... you said it as if you were sure that he was in another relationship after his divorce, saw OP abandoned that and ran after OP because she was living in UK.. what if he was concentrating in bringing his kids up, and was not interested in any other relationship because of his previous experience. But Then he saw OP, since he has known her before, decided to rekindle the flame again since they have known each other before.

Most of those guys you were talking about that can't give a second glance to a single mother were Bachelors. Not in this case when both of them got their baggage that they were coming with into this relationship..

Besides, all those 15+ that you mentioned, the OP was not single then neither was the man in question.. Assuming u attended high school in the '90s, u would have agreed with me or know how easy it was to loose contacts with close friends .. Cellphone that was rampant nowadays was not like that those days.. ask any one that attended college in the '90 if he/she still know quarter of the were about of their school mates.

What I discovered about Sheffield United is that they always like to prove a point when ever they encountered bigger and more popular teams...

That was what they wanted to do to Liverpool when we came knocking @ their backyard.. if not that the boys rose to that occasion, it would have been a disaster.. Hope Arsenal will survive it and make it at least a 1:1

Genqq:
Too many red flags in his story

Really? .. I didn't see any red flag. But Why did you think the OP's side of the story was the gospel truth and finds red flags all over the man's side of the story? Was it because of environmental differences? She lives in UK which was paradise to every Nigerian .. and the man lives in Nigeria which was hell therefore no credibility whatsoever in anything he says correct ? If he can take her side of the story without much issue why do u think she shouldn't take his?

Relationship is about taking risk and making sacrifices.. If she can't take relationship risk and see where it's gonna lead, maybe she has no business going into it in the place
because whether she likes it or not, heartache will be there, she will get hurt unintentionally or intentionally..If she doesn't want to take a leap, it's OK but I dislike reading about people thinking every one is interested in relocating when matters of the heart is involved...

Though I know where she was coming from.. once stung by a bee, everything including housefly now looks like bees... But I think She was going this whole thing the wrong way.. She wants her kid to have a father figure.. Also want his EX to know she is desirable.. What about her emotional feelings..

[quote au thor=crackhaus post=83316987]For someone who offered to reimburse all her hospital bills to the good samaritan, I don't believe she is cash-strapped.[/quote]My brother she was keeping up appearance as if all is still well... You don't really expect her dignity to come crashing down at a go.. she has to retain some anyhow even if it means saying the impossible.
Where is she gonna get the money from except if she was working online from home...

Remember she fell from the stairs or whatever her stupid excuse was when OP asked of her previous bruises...her type, even if her blood sister that she was not in good terms with should ask her about what was happening, she might swear in what ever she believed in that her marriage was wonderful.. That's what I tagged chronic housewife with no income syndrome.. if she can find someone that she can trust and that can assure her that she can help her. She will leave..