₦airaland Forum

dayokanu: I wasnt expecting anything else.

So if the husband is angry at the wife who happens to be a housewife too, He should not drop money for food. If hungers deals with her she would make peace.

In cases where the husband uses his car to drop the wife at work everyday, whenever there is a quarell the husband should also refused to take her in his car to her job.

Maybe if the woman/man is sick because the other partner is angry, they should also refuse to tend to him/her

VERY SOUND LOGIC FROM YOU

My husband has refused carrying me to work once because we had an arguement, he was so pissed off at me, especially when he knew i could not drive, and he used that as an opportunity to get back at me, then i quietly called a cab to take me to work and that annoyed him even more. So did the world come to an end, because he did not take me to work in the morning? he actually came to pick me up in the afternoon after begging,and i was saying if he came, i would not go with him that i already asked the cab guy to comeback and pick me up. if one spouse is being petty, should the other one follow suit to behave petty by complaining that she did not dish out his food,especially when you know is angry, infact she locked herself up in the room, and did not want to comeout, did the guy go over and knock on the door to say, oya oooo come and give me food i am hungry and she refused coming out? lets all be realistic.

Harpesin: I'm sure both of u forgot that this is Africa not US/UK...Have you noticed the rate of divorce in abroad and have you ever asked why? Its a pity that we have not desist from emulating bad things from these so call white e.g (bad dressing, music, religion, etc now is affecting our marriage ....Remember that God place man above woman in the bible Gen 3 v 16 (Your desire shall be for your husband,And he shall rule over you.”).... before going into marriage you need to know the culture and ready to follow ....if the man did not drop money while leaving in the morning and coming back in the evening asking for food we will say the woman is right to some extent but according to the story it is not stated the reason for the issue why on earth will an African woman do such.....truly if the man decide to eat outside without having in mind to cheat he will be convinced to cheat by the kind of services he will receive outside, there are thousands of women outside there who have lost their opportunity (home) due to such attitude and now praying for second chance, once such woman grab a man who need care.....she will give more that enof..@ poster advice your friend to keep her home by doing the right things, there are other ways of handling issues in marriage.....remember ...A word is enof for a wise....

So that the woman did not dish out food not cook it oooo, ''dish out food'' will lead to divorce even here in America? So lets assume there was no quarrel in the first place, lets just assume the woman was busy doing something else the hubby cannot stroll; into the kitchen pick up a plate and dish out food for himself Heyyy!!! wonders has no end infact.

free2ryhme:

Ok Free2rap, this topic is not about us, let us leave it at that, and stop calling each other names, i have repented this year, to be modest (even in my insults) and don't call people names, can we be matured enough please?!!!! olodo yi!!!

free2ryhme: I think you lack the intellectual ability to comprehend what is happening here. How would a wife for whatever flimsy reason refuse to serve her husband meal. This is how marriages crash. He starts eating from outside, next he sees other beautiful ladies or some lady woos here, next sex follows, He is already gone. Then you start crying and running for deliverance that a witch is in your family or someone has used "juju" to charm you husband. When a simple maturity from the onset would have saved the day will you women always learn the hard way. na wah for nigeria women self

Really?? Free2rap, this is all you have to say Couple dey 'taage', you are hear talking about food, oh now!!! i know the calibre of ''tifun lorans'' FFF (friend for food) only, wobiya!!!! so naa fodd konsign you for the whole matter. OLE!!!!!

debrief08: Ronke no kill me abeg, heheheheeeeee, when you old ya grand children go hear story oh. lol

I believe that it exists ooooo, the Akudayas' really!!!!

otheloze: Recently my friend complained to me that once he had any misunderstanding with his wife, she goes into her shell, stay indoors all day and wont bother serving him any food. Is this right for any reason

So the man cannot go to the kitchen and serve his food abi? if cooking was the issue here, i will say No it is not good for her not to cook, as long as there is food in the house, how many seconds will it take a man to go to the kitchen and dish himself a plate of rice and ten chiken thigh in the pot? People should start learning how to do things on their own. Kai!!!

MBJ got all your analysis, the daughter is the insensitive one in a situation like this, i wished the mother had forgiven the father for all he did to her, but she obviously has not. As a daughter what steps has she taken in reconciling her father to her mother or bridging the gap between them?, now that it is her turn to marry she wants her mother to follow her to her father's house with all the heaviness in her heart.

My cousin's parents divorced i guess, when she was lets say 9, But can you believe when it was time for her to get married, hers' was the first wedding in her family then, the kids had their own meeting, got their dad and mum together and it worked, the parents came together for her wedding, every grieviances had been resolved.

The lady should not think that strong-head will get her any where, God forbid if the dad was with his ancestors, will the guys family say they have to do the wedding in the father's house dan-dan?

The guys family should go and sit down, they don't know anything and they are setting rules.

I read that story on facebook yesterday, and it is so sad. At first i wondered how it could be true that a dead can write from the grave, and i realised that yes, it could, we have heard of so many stories about people dying and their soul goes to another town to live, (kind of caught between the living and the dead, but more towards the dead). She might have written the letter from another town. Yoruba call it ''Akudaya''.

[quote author=Unique!]@ Topic, Is shouting normal in relationship? Yes, it is. It does happen a lot especially where one or both of the parties has a problem managing their anger.

But, is it Right? Definitely NOT! Shouting at one's partner, especially in a fit of anger, is a no - no. It could lead to emotions spiralling out of control, in which case, nothing positive is achieved in the end.[/quote]Then why is it normal then? There is a big difference between it 'happens' and ''NORMAL'' how can it be normal when it is so wrong, what is the rule, norm or when has it become a standard that ''shouting'' has been accepted as a normal way of life?

Coldfeet: I feel sorry for this girl, if not that she's already pregnant my advise would be to just forget about the guy and his family, the signs that the family she's about to marry into are core traditionist! Lord knows what they'll insist on next.

This is part of the things that happens, when you decide to open legs without sense before marraige, lets assumme that the guy dumps her now, it will be a diiferent story we would be handling here on NL.

queensmith: We can begin to use this argument to demonise absolutely everything! A kiss on the cheek can lead to an affair, a trip to the mosque can make you a terrorist a spank on the bottom can lead you to kill your child. It obviously doesnt work and the isolated incident you speak of doesnt prove what we are discussing.

THe bottom line remains that shouting is very normal, im surprised people dont know that!

My dear, shouting is not normal, it is very abnormal, why shout when you can talk without shouting?, if you are passing a warning to someone, you can say it without shouting, it is not normal at all to shout, anybody who shouts as opposed to talking normally will be seen as having serious problems upstairs especially when the person you are shouting at is quiet or talking without anyone hearing his/her voice, infact it will get to a time that people outside will see him or her as having hearing problems, because they( deaf) are the ones i think shout while talking, especially when they think you are not hearing them, apart from that one gan sef, people would start describing him/her as that ''man that shouts while talking''.

i think the mother's feelings should be put into consideration.

Oh!!! so all of a sudden her so-called father now wants to be a father to the kids he abondoned years ago, the girl is so silly to rub insults on her mothers face. Seriously?

So now, inlaws, especially from the male side dictates where marraige is to be done? I thought their role is to come to the woman's place for the wedding?

Anyways, my take is that, the lady should ask the father to comeover to her mothers' place for the wedding!!! i support her mother not going, especially if she has not forgiven the man, and that is the case.

armyofone: @ronkebp
lol ezigbo mmadu you sabi am o.

agro dey really catch me.
girl, how are ya.

Me dear, doing good ooo, still doing this statistics stuff, so am really like eating the textbook for better understanding,

When are we tying this gele now? Abeg i dey find party to go oooo.

queensmith: Ok i was trying to be understanding, but lemme rephrase it into a sarcastic remark.

Anybody who thinks shouting in an argument is abnormal is delusional and needs a reality check because life is not full of dancing ponies, golden fairies and colorful rainbows. Its gets ugly from time to time

it depends on the level of arguement and the cause of the arguement, shouting can at times lead to fatal incidents in the long run.

Was aware of an incident that happened at one of these Nigerian universities either Uni-Ben or Ife?? can't remember, a lady was shouting and screaming her head off that her jewelries were stolen, and she was suspecting someone,(one of her room mates), the shouting got so intensed that this her room-mate who was innocent was disgraced, after couple of minutes, the lady who actually took the jewelries came in and said the owner borrowed her few days ago, that she thought (the owner) knew she had the jewelries, (long story short) the innocent lady stood up and took a knife and stabbed the owner of the jewelries, because she embarrassed her. (Just showing you the progression from where ''shouting'' started and where it ended). The owner of those jewelries died ooooo and the innocent one ran away after committing that evil.

armyofone: when you are in love, the wedding bugs must bite . After unintenionally moving wedding dates, i think we are done.
Right now hubby-to-be is in a far away land. this time around, we are not changing it
i think it's time we just do the wedding in middle east sef.

Abi naaa, agro dey catch body, cold dey shaa bad.

dayokanu: Shouting at someone is an aggresive behaviour first and any agressive behaviour has the chance of trigerring other aggresive behaviours

Just like a shout can trigger slap, Slap can trigger stab and stab might trigger shooting

The moment you start one, you might not be able to control where it ends

True that!!!!!!!!!

debrief08: Lol, Ronke, played out the gele scenerio in my head very funny. Yea the Bible asks us to be submissive and humble and respect our husbands because God knows too much love as The Bible stated and being quiet from the man can lead to disrespect and drama. I know some men can be horrible but believe me I have seen women who take advantage of men who love them as God commanded just the same way some men abuse submissiveness, I have seen cases where they hold thier husband by the collar and dare him to do his worse becuase they know the man will never react, in one partivular case she wanted a bag he could not afford because he had to pay his fees for a masters program he was running and Madam felt he was being "selfish". It is wrong to take any spouse for granted, male or female

True!!!! women that do that are the biggest ''fools'' ever! because in the long run they would be at the loosing end.

kola oloye: Like what?
I'm still waiting for ur maths question now.

likes the fact that his wife is moving into his room.


Hmm i am still on it oooo, we are doing ''hypothesis testing'' right now, done with binomila probability, you don't worry, once i get any that i don't have an answer to, will let you know, infact i have a project i have to write on, so you might be helping me if you are not too scared.

debrief08: Anyone who thinks shouting down at another human being is the best way to deal with a situaion needs anger management. Yes Dayo you are right about the last part.

Right!!!!!!!!!!!

I think everyone especially in a marraige, should have respect for each other, it is lack of respect for eachother that would make a woman tie her gele roud her waist and decides to stand in the middle of the road and shout at her husband, on the other hand lack of respect and love, would make a man become unnecessary agrressive to the point of raising his hands against his wife, when that respect line has been crossed, it becomes a big problem.

Moreso, '' meekness'' is an attribute, i think we should also have, apart from being lowly and humble, it shows that we have this power and yet have the ability to control that power we have.

queensmith: This is a lovely thread thanks ronke.

Marriage is something special i appreciate it.
Guessin i caught the wedding bug now im growing old! Lol

EEyah good to know!!! everyone will always catch that bug sometime in life am glad you are already shivering from the bite.

Rokiatu actually started the thread, not me, Kudos to her.

MRbrownJAY: use the extra room as a study/office where you can put your computer and "study/concentrate" as long as you want there, et voila, case closed!

Correcto!!!!!, don't mind Mr Zubby7, trying to form for us here, as if he does not like it. Agbaya!!!

nene1: People are really downplaying the power marriage has. Why do you think many wealthy Asian, Arab and white families like to marry among their own? Marriage is where families are built and they are the foundation of any society. Blacks always share the money with others. Wealthy blacks transfer their money to nonblacks through marriage. How many black families are there that have wealth lasting through generations?

Oh and one poster said whites don't care who their children marry? Really? With the exception of poor whites, you think elite white families like the Trumps, Johnson & Johnson, Ford, Rockefeller, the Royal family n England would not bat an eye if one of their children decides to marry a black person? Seriously? They would want their children to marry another wealthy WHITE person.

My thread just confirmed what I already knew. Many black folks are in denial. Yes, personal decisions do affect your community as a whole. Oh but wait, when did black men give a damn about the black community. It is no wonder why we are bottom of the barrel people.

And instead of attacking women like Oluchi, think to yourself first. Remeber the question I asked that the black men here conveniently dodged: HOW MANY BLACK MEN ON THEIR LEVEL WOULD CHOOSE TO MARRY WOMEN OF THEIR DARK COMPLEXIONS? Maybe it is only white men that are chasing them. How many black men would want Oluchi if given the options of the lighter skinned type women. Many black men on their economic level have the option of many different women due to their wealth.

It is physics or chemistry, don't know which one, ''like terms repel, unlike terms attract'', i am dark-skinned, but don't get atracted to dark skin men, love fairer guys, but, well!!!! got married to a dark-skinned man though.:\

Good morning guys, how are we all doing? doing great on my end shaa!!!

@ Mightlove: thank you dear, still have my motivation going...
@HG, nice one and plan you got going!!! good for you, nice quotes too, my dear, na motivation oooo, interest can do nothing in my own case....
And everyone, i can see you are all ripping it, that is the spirit, bye-bye to FAT!!!!!!

No exercise for me for saturday and sunday, took those days off from exercising.

Log for yesterday, 34 mins total body cardio, really challenging, but helped to build muscles.

Happy weekend every!!!!!!!!

logs for yesterday, 30 minutes ''yoga melt down'' with Jillian Michaels...level 1.

Lost 2 pounds this week, so increasing my calories for the week has helped pretty well, will increase it again this coming week, but different days, say, maybe, monday my normal intake, wednessday, would increase it a bit, friday would increase it a bit, only because i don't want my body to be used to status-quo.

might not work-out today, taking the day off. will resume back tomorrow, see you all in the new week.

agiboma: Pre e is very scary, did you have to take magnesium sulfate after the birth and lay down in a dark room for over 24 hours? I know a lady that got pre e, it progressed to HELLP syndrome and finally Eclamsia, she had to be placed in a medically induced coma to save her life, but she recovered and is doing well. If you got Pre e once you are @ a high percentage to get it again, so please be informed about the risk and buy a blood pressure culf so you can check you bp daily. With pre e its best to be super proactive with your healthcare during pregnancy. Make sure your OBGYN knows about the Pre e in your last pregnancy so you can be followed appropriately or refer you to a high risk doctor. gl baking your next bundle of joy

Thank you dear, i was in the hospital for 4 days, i was given that magnesium stuff, and that was a week after i had my son, it was crazy, thank God it has passed, i will definitely be conscious of that fact, during my next pregnancy...once i get hooked again,from that very first day, will i start taking my pressure.

How all nice logs up there.

Thank you Mightlove, you know i will be happier if the pounds i lost went through the scale,
@Nonnyp....wahlai, that gari and oha soup is making my mouth water, i made poundo and ognosoup with okro, infact i was sitting in the pots

Log for yesterday; 35 minutes booty camp, cardio burn. very good, loved it.

Everyone have a nice weekend.

[quote author=Miss_Ife]Thinking about a recent thread here, I'd say any health-related issue should be discussed before marriage too. If one member has any long term condition, the other one should know, even if it is something that can be controlled through medication (asthma, diabetis etc.).

Expectation about husband/wife should be discussed too. Many men don't mind their gf dressing sexy for girls night out but will never let them do that once they are married. The same way gf will not mind her bf going to club every friday and saturday but will refuse it to him once he turns husband. It's better to be honest with what we expect.[/quote]Seconded!!!!!

jennykadry: Lol, CC we can only dream my sister. There is no harm in dreaming. Kadry said he is still going through post "conception" trauma and cannot believe he is able to sleep well these days without anybody waking him up and asking him to pop a pillow behind my back, on the side e.t.c, what about the cooking part, i craved fresh peppersoup almost everyday and this man will prepare it before living home for his business. What about getting him to scrub back in the shower nko? or buckling my sandals and fastening my snickers laces? or having him open the car door and stand there for 10 minutes whilst I arrange my body well and push it out of the car? These days sef, I have to run to catch up with him if we are going out, no more opening car doors for me o

Nope, he said he does not want to go through all that again.

My hubby did not go through all that stress and he is still afraid of another. my PREG was stress free, i was not throwing up, no sickness, no cravings, nothing, i was just me, the only thing was emotional wahala, i will laugh this minute, the next i am crying profusley, then after the baby, had severe preeclampsia, naa dat one scare the man oooo. though, i always use that preclampsia thing as an excuse for extra resting, any little thing, i would be like, (seems my heart is thumping fast) i need help oooooo, i don't want to go to the hospital againooooo, bla! bla!! bla!!!! and he has not seen through that trick yet (till he comes on NL)i am still getting him to warm-up for 2nd round. this time ''quadruplets''.

[quote author=As-salaam]Infact, i dont know where to start from because im just month into it and a full disc cant hold the experience.[/quote]One month and it is more than 1 full disc??.....i hope it is in a good way ooo

ok, i get it, months..........

ZUBY77: Week 7, 8, 9 passed without much except that i prepared stew one Sunday. I encouraged Mrs zubby to go out with three of my friends, 1 male and two females, which she did.
I prepared the stew before she returned and she was like: where did you learn how to do this, not knowing that i lived alone for 4 years in Berlin Germany and Lisbon Portugal cooking all my foods by myself. I guess she upped her respect for me from that day on. Cos she cooks our meals these days without any shakara.
Week 10 - we went to Tinapa in Calabar for a week self-imposed holiday/honeymoon. Madam, as i fondly call her, was the happiest woman on earth because of the holiday. I think the only downside was that we did not travel with either her mum or girlfriend who would have witnessed all the gooddies instead of hearing them from her. Strange world.


Week 11, the best week, She came up with this shocking news about missing her period. I looked everywhere with torch and candle but couldnt find it for her. That was the greatest news i have heard in a long time.

So what happened to the envelopes? you forgot about them immediately you had the good news abi (your post is so funny and interesting, i knew you married an ibo lady from the tone in your other threads).

[quote author=Miss_Ife]It was not much fun actually. Sure, we were in love, innocent and a bit overconfident... but we also argued a lot, doubted, were scared about that BIG commitment, I think my husband was actually way more mature than I was (as usual ), I had heard so many scary stories about marriages going sour that I was on watch 24/7 for any sign of deterioration... It took well over a year to get over those fears, and the older the marriage gets, the happier I am.[/quote]My dear i was in the same shoes as you were, I don't know why i felt the way i did, immediately i got married, for some reasons i felt i had made the wrong choice (maybe because i had few guys that wanted to marry me then too), but i had this thing'' when i was much younger that '' i would marry the person i told my inner most secret that no-one knew) and my hubby was the one, then he was just a friend, and i divulged everything to him, he was just giving me so many signs that this is just the right man for me, then we got into a relationship which was rosy and beautiful, though we argued alot.
But that 1st year was just the most difficult for me, i was beginning to find it difficult to really love him, it was just so different, i would snap at every little thing, but i kept on praying that this should pass, because this was not how i envisioned my marraige to be, all the problem we had was from me.

my hubby loves me so much, he was just patient with me, and i started loving the man i married, infact, i was seeing all the good sides of him, how much he cares for me, (he tells me how much he loves me at least 4 times a week, since we got married, very demanding though, he wants to always be with me, on the phone with me 24/7, my lunch time at work is not free ooo, we have to talk ni oooo, even if am taking a nap, he would want to be on the phone, am grateful to God, i was patient enough during the first years of marraige to start reaping the benefits now, wouldn't have made a better choice.