₦airaland Forum

Some people are just unnecessary tribalistic. Every tribe has good and bad people, if we all decide to vote based on our tribes, then the tribe with the most population will win the election.

The lady should have just speaking for herself. She has the wrong mentality, she thinks because she weak at something every other person must be weak at it.

Those people saying all Nigerian ladies are cheap should remember they have females in their families. Why will anybody insult all Nigerian ladies in general? While not direct your words at the bad ones alone?

BigBashiru:
Omo leave Bible talks such as "they have become one"... if they have become one that's the more reason why the money part should be a shared responsibility with a woman contributing at least 30% of household expenses but na! Women only want what's convenient for them....

Are you sure you read my comment?
I did not say women should be liabilities. A woman should also contribute. No man will respect a woman that is lazy, some women cannot even buy toiletries without their husbands, I'm not in support of such a lifestyle because the responsibility might be too much
for the man to carry.

BigBashiru:
As for the last paragraph both ppl have to strive to provide for the "family" not just the man. What happened to the woman's hands? And what's the man getting in return for all the stress?

If there is understanding in a marriage, growth will be faster. They have become one, they have to learn to carry each others burden. Any child that will be produced from the marriage will belong to both of them. If they work hard to support their children and their children eventually becomes successful, they will both benefit from it.

edunaragold:
A woman that says she is beautiful and ready to marry but the men are not coming only lies.

Tell me about it?

You see, a beautiful woman always loves handsome men, looks aren't enough to alot of woman.

Imagine a romantic caring young guy with a good job but has a bald head, loving and caring for a fair and beautiful woman he wishes to marry, only for her to turn down the offer. Years later, the guy is married to another lady and they both have beautiful kids, but the same lady is still single.

I always ask my self why, but in her phone lots of guys are always calling her. Most girls go for looks.

So any lady that says she is beautiful and still single never ready I beg; and why is it that lots of ugly girls or the girls that aren't beautiful are always the first to get married? You do the maths and me.

A beautiful lady can have a lot of admirers and still not get any marriage proposal. A lot of guys will not marry a lady just because she is beautiful, they will have to see the potential they want in a wife in her before they can marry her.

When a guy approaches a lady, does she immediately know his intentions? Does she know if he just needs someone that will satisfy his sexual urges? The guy might just see her as a sex material.

If beauty is the key, why are all rich men not marrying models or beauty queens? Bill Gates, ex wife Melinda Gates is a computer scientist, Mark Zuckerberg wife, Priscilla Chan use to be a pediatrician, Jeff Bezos gf, Lauren Sánchez is an American news anchor, media personality and an actress. An average looking lady with good qualities might be preferred over an extremely beautiful lady with no qualities.

KINGS100:
NOT THE BEST MOVE SIR, OGA SEUN, THIS IS BECOMING A DICTATORSHIP REGIME. LEARN TO RESPECT PEOPLES RIGHT TO SELF DETERMINATION.

DEPRIVATION OF PEOPLES RIGHT IS THE DUMBEST FORM OF LOVE THAT EVER EXIST, IT'S AT BEST HATRED.

If nairaland is discriminating against a particular group of people, is it then you can be accusing them of depriving people of their rights. Individuals can decide to attack the government but Nairaland is a business, it will not make sense if a business decide to attack a government. I don't know Seun's personal opinion on this matter but I believe he is simply trying to protect is business.

We all know the government of a country is above it citizens and the government can decide to suspend any website just like it suspended abokifx.

There are some news Channel TV can not carry because they do not want to face ban. There is a limit to what a business can do. If nairaland is eventually suspended, who will be the most affected? Seun of course. So let try to be considerate, he is not telling you to stop exercising your right, you can use other means to exercise your right, he is simply trying to protect his business.

Businesses don't set rules and regulations to become dictators, they do it to protect their business and for the smooth running of the business. Is there anything wrong with making rules and regulations? Don't a lot of companies make rules and regulations? Does that make them dictators, what he is doing is for the benefit of the forum.

Glogloglo:
After two years of courtship, my girlfriend wanna breakup with me I fell like killing myself please advice me
Nairalanders
Please

Sorry about that. Why does she want to breakup with you?

HML to them in advance. May God bless their union.

I pray God will intervene soon and save the citizens of North Korea, they are really in bondage.

Lawalemi:
This guy ceremony too much. Marry if you wan marry

You should be happy for them, there is nothing wrong with too much ceremony. This will be a very remarkable moment in their lives, they are just trying to make it great.

distinguish:
We have been married for a year now. We have been trying to conceive. Because of the emotional stress attached my wife said she can't be staying at home alone, it causes her stress. She said she wants to start doing something. At least a business.

I took a loan from my place of work and we started the business for over 2 months now. The issue now is that, I don't always have cash on me anymore. Any little money I got it's for the business. Basically, we mostly feed from the business.

Yesterday, after we returned home, she started giving me attitude, I asked her what the issue was, she started telling me how I am killing the business, not taking good care of her, not having money to take care of her and all sort of rubbish, she brought out how incompetent I am as a husband and what have you. I never said a word to reply her and its eating me up seriously, I could not sleep the whole night. This is the person that I sacrificed a lot for. I was supposed a take a professional course this November, but because of her I had to postpone it.

Please I need your advice.

PS: I did not eat the food she prepared last night.

Two of you should have waited and become financially stable before getting married but still she does not have to put the whole pressure on you, both of you are in this together, she knew your status before she married you. She should have found something doing before she settled down, a woman should be an helpmate not a liability.

Marriage is for better for worse, you might have to take her to your spiritual father for counselling. Good women build their homes, she has to learn to stick to her husband through thick and thin. You guys just have to work together and the storm will be over eventually. Don't overthink things, you cannot do more than your power.

As a responsible man, you have to strive to provide for your family but she also have to assist you. Don't allow misunderstand to enter your marriage, try to work things out.

Over the years, some guys have also suffered in the hands of ladies but does that mean other guys should start punishing every lady they meet? She is just simply bias and childish.

If a lady accuse a guy wrongfully, she has indirectly become a murder because the accused will become very depressed and if he is not strong enough, he might even commit suicide.

Emaprince:
Your post is hypocritical.

Can you even be in a relationship without spending a guys money? I mean YOU!!!

Its women instinct to go after what a guy can offer them materially first before they even think of love.

Its also a man's instinct to be sex inclined towards a relationship first before we even talk about her manner or the fake love they bring.

Don't always generalise, there are always exceptions. I have never opened my mouth to ask a guy for money, if I have a problem I will rather discuss it with my parent.

I'm not the kind of lady that shows off, I don't buy things my money cannot buy. If I wanted to marry for money, I would have married a long time ago, I prefer to climb the ladder gradually so that I don't fall all of a sudden.

My present bf did not even demand sex from me, all he wants is a serious relationship, these has made me so fond of him and even respect him more. Everybody cannot think the same way. To some people, money is everything and to some, values are more important.

Haven't you learnt anything from nature? Don't you have any personal experience to learn from? My grandpa was a very strong man, he was very agile but I saw this strong man on his death bed unable to move his body and I cried bitterly but then I understood that everybody's time will come.

A time is coming when we will not be able to carry this beautiful body that we have always cherished by then all our money and achievements will be worthless.

Edusouls:
Hei shut up, look at the miserable, single and bitter woman giving advice, you should be married now, useless women all over, men don change am for una, fish brains bi

It seems like this one wants to beat me. Why are you trying to show off your personal parenting skills here? Go and scold your own kids, stop coming to a public forum to scold people.

Anyway, let me encourage and advice you, if you don't have kids yet or your kids are still young, be patient, don't rush fatherhood, your time will come but before then don't go around pressuring other people's children into marriage.

You are not my father, why are you trying to pressure me, why can't you wait for your turn, then you can pressure your children the way you want.

MisterKennedy:
Rose everyday I read your comment I've grown to respect you more and more.

Rose please send me a DM on WhatsApp 08100553547

Thanks for the compliment

slowice:
A whole epistle talking nonsense... Lubbish.

They always want what they can't give... And give what they can't take.... Inglorious bstrds

Some people disagreed with what I said, some even advised me but your own is too much, why are you taking this so personal. Must everybody think like you, if you don't agree with somebody's point of view just simply disagree. Anyway your words don't count, I just decided to advise you.

bigpicture001:
Stop all this advice stuff.. even you can never date a struggling very good guy( in all indexes)
Una too like money of reason...every girl carry ein cross jare

I won't force myself to date out of pity but if I fall in love with a struggling guy, I will date him and give him enough time to find his balance financially, I can support him in my own little way but I will not marry him until he is financially independent.

jaxxy:
I like ur mentality towards guys dating bt u only stopped half way. U need to also let ladies/females know they shouldn’t date a guy for material things. When that broke or struggling boy approaches u date him. Responsibile Dating shouldn’t be about sex or materialism that’s how u get respected not by asking for this and that like the guy is ur Atm. Even if the guy offers u tell him not to worry and still dating him properly.

This will give u the highest respect.

Thanks for pointing this out, if you check my comments in other posts, you will realise that I use to advice ladies to work hard and be responsible. I did not want my comment to be too long, that is why I just went straight to the point and passed out the necessary information.

ume1000:
why not go out and work

FYI there is no difference btw a golddigger and a prostitute

Perhaps, you misunderstood me, I did not refer to the guy directly. I don't know if there is more to the story but I just read what I saw on the post and with what I read my conclusion is that they are both wrong.

The guy lost a short moment of pleasure but the lady lost her self-respect, my emphasis is not on their mistakes because I'm not use to judging others, one lady made a mistake and it landed her in a mess, the next thing is to advise others not to make the same mistake.

Let me give you this little information, I'm already working and obtaining golds on my own through my prayers and handwork, I don't need to dig other people's gold.

toujurs:
Chai, Your comments ehn. Nawa for you oh, you are taking sides, she is obviously a cheap lady, And this is peculiar to most ladies. I don't know if its due to hunger or greed abi gluttony. What was she expecting following a man for a week all expense trip, is she not psychologically ill, to have followed him. Something she can't provide for her self, neither could her father. She foolishly followed him, this is how women get abused and used for ritual, out of long throat. She has luck this guy is even nice.

I did not support anybody, I was just advising ladies generally and explaining what covetousness can lead to. I was not referring to the guy directly, no one of them is right, they are both wrong.

Respect is very important in a relationship, how can a guy give gift to a lady in exchange for sex, he was passing out an information to the lady but she did not get the hint, is it not prostitutes that get paid for sex? This is why we ladies have to observe any guy that approach us before accepting to date them. Don't be blinded by money, some guys are not psychologically okay.

Some ladies are accepting nonsense from their guys now but after marriage they will become feminists and start demanding the respect they can never earn. If you want your guy to respect you, this is the time to earn the respect. If you allow him to treat you bad now because of what you want from him, he will treat you worse in the future and by then, it will be too late for you to correct it. If you feel your guy does not respect you, it is better for you broke up with him before it is too late, if you don't, you will regret it later because you will end up not enjoying your relationship and his money will later become worthless to you, by then you will prefer your peace of mind.

Some guys don't need a real relationship, what they need is a lady that we play the role of a prostitute. As a lady, you have to think properly before you accept some type of gifts from guys, it is better to live in a hut and eat what you have while you are waiting for God to bless you than to allow somebody belittle you.

TMTR:
Yeah , the only thing that has made me a theist for a while now( because I stopped going to church a long time ago) which is praying every morning when I wake up, I didn't do it this morning and I don't think I will be doing morning prayers or anything prayers again, I don't think they work, it's time to face reality.

The only people I am worried about now is my family and how they will take it especially my mom.

When I look back , I think I wasted a major part of my life being a Christian, it's time to embrace my true self

To other atheist, how did you come out to your family that you are an atheist and how did they take it..

Why did you decide to become an atheist?

For a lady to find her own kind of guy, she has to put in some effort. A Lady that is looking for a suitor should not be rigid, she should free herself and go out to places, she should attend different events, she should eat out at restaurants and fast foods and visit new places.

Not all celebrities are so beautiful but we still call them beautiful. It is the way a lady builds herself that matters. A skilled and intelligent lady that has an average beauty is considered more beautiful than a physically attractive lady.

Responsible guys prefer responsible ladies because they know that even when the physical beauty fades, personality will remain. If beauty is the key, then why are all beautiful ladies not married, the truth is some beautiful ladies are just like objects to guys, guys use them and dump them. Ladies should stop trying to please every guy because no lady can be every man's taste, a lady can only be a lot of men fantasy. If one lady belongs to one guy, why are some ladies trying to be a fantasy when they are not sluts, there are millions of guys out there, all of them cannot want the same thing, everything you are hearing and seeing on internet about beauty is not true, it is just fantasy.

We ladies have to try to be more confidence. We should not allow anybody make us feel inferior, a lady might not be some guys but she is definitely some other guys taste.
If you don't want to eat a food, why spoil the food by adding too much salt to it, somebody else might like the food the way it is, if a guy does not want a lady the way she looks, he should leave her alone and look for his taste, he should not disturb her emotionally or health wise, ladies should stop enhancing their looks or their bodies because of a guy. As long as a lady is neat, intelligent and confident, she is good to go.

I personally don't like it when guys emphasize on my shape and my facial beauty because there are so many beautiful ladies like me out there with good shapes and beautiful face but what makes me special is my personality. Your beauty is in your ability not in your face or your body.

Modified
For a lady to find her own kind of guy, she has to put in some effort. A Lady that is looking for a suitor should not be rigid, she should free herself and go out to places, she should attend different events, she should eat out at restaurants and fast foods and visit new places.

My first and only relationship ended 5years ago,it was based on mutual agreement. since then I decided to go solo for sometime.

I had so many challenges during this period of time, avoiding any emotional attachment and even ended up with a couple of female friends.

Things have been going on fine until January this year, I met this lady on my way back from work,we phone tagged before I alighted from the bus.funny enough she called me as soon as she got home,we chatted like we'av known for years.


We went out on a date in April and just like the first time we met, she was still decently dressed and with no makeup on. Got to know alot about her that day and we have been chatting frequently since then. I got to know some of her family members when she invited me for a Thanksgiving ceremony.


She can hardly go a day without talking to me. somehow I developed feelings for her,but when I did ask her out she said No. last month we were on another date, I asked her about Marriage and a possibility of being with her forever.she told me to stop dreaming. instead of a response,she keeps tormenting me with her care and affection without requesting anything in return. she will be telling me how handsome I am, and how any girl can fall for me.


Am beginning to think she is dating someone.but even if she is we ain't knacking neither am I spending money on her. so am confused
WHAT DOES SHE REALLY WANT FROM ME?

Would you date a lady you don't have interest in, even she is interested in you? There is nothing wrong with what she did, some people are just so friendly, she might just see you as a friend. I also have many male friends that are close to me, I introduced them to my family as friends but I use to allow them know their boundaries. It is good she is making it clear to you.

Love is not something that you can force but if you truly love her and you feel she is worth the chase, you can try to make her fall in love. Maybe she is even in love you but she is playing hard to get or maybe she has decided to put you in the friend zone for sometimes to study you. Just try to prove your love to her. I wish you the best.

helinues:
Years ago, I was in Ghana but had to made quick traveling to Nigeria, just 3 days.

So I met this lady at Kotoka Airport, had no idea where she was heading to, when I landed in Nigeria, I saw the same lady at the arrival meaning we were on the same plane, well to me , na one of those meetings, we both left.

3 days after when I was returning back, saw this same lady at the MMS waiting lounge, I was like who is stalking each other, which ever way, coincidence do happen.

3 hours after arriving in Ghana, home internet wasn't common then, so I decided to reply some emails at the cyber cafe, just 5 min from my house, Alas, I met this same girl again.

The first greetings was also coincidence.

Such coincidence is just one in a million, we had a coffee and chat together after browsing.

She is a Ghanaian but residing in UK. She came for an holiday in Ghana and decided to visit her Nigeria friend that they have been living together in UK.

And then we both left without exchanging contacts.. Just a coincidence

Coincidence like this are very common in the Airport, something like this happened to me when I was going to UK and UAE. The one that happened to me one day when I was going to UAE was the most surprising one, I saw a guy at Murtala Muhammad Airport, we met him again at arrival in Dubai. When I got to the hotel at Dubai, I saw him again because we booked the same hotel coincidentally. All the while we were meeting he was just staring at me and saying hi but at the hotel, he came to me and introduced himself. We even departured UAE on the same day, the coincident was just too much.

toujurs:
madam no need for these questions, that lady isn't loyal. There are alot of girls like that. Its when you buy them gifts their father can't afford, they would accept to date you, please if you are the guy, how can you take such a lady serious, if not to satisfy your sexual urges repeatedly. And dispose when done. Alot of ladies are like this. They prefer you tell them lies, than the truth. Its quite unfortunate the mumu lady will come out again to create a thread how a guy used her and dumped her. When she was the cause, a lady her parents are working so hard to train in school chai its so sad. When i see thing like this. If women are being objectified trust me its their fault.

I am not in support of her love for money but she might have made the wrong the decision at the begin. Some ladies date guys they cannot marry, it can be because he was the only one available to her or because she needs somebody to fill the space while she searches.

I asked those questions to know how deep her relationship is because if she truly loves the guy, I don't think she will be speaking this way.

Not all relationships leads to marriage, it is important to know where their present relationship is heading to. Does she truly love her bf? Do they plan on marrying each other or they are just playing around? Is he capable of settling down? When does she plan to settle down and will he be ready by then? How old is she? All these questions are very important.

Gobengroup:
Your opinion please!
Have you ever dated a girl that crushed on you out of pity because you don't want to take her for granted.

If you date a lady out of pity, you will end up hurting her more and if you try not to hurt her, you will be hurting yourself because you don't love her. If she needs financial assistance, you can give it to her with no strings attached. You cannot force love, it is better to hurt her now than to hurt her later in a bigger way.

Why would you be with someone you feel is not worth you, such sacrifice is not necessary. If she hurt you later, you will feel so disguised because she means nothing to you.

Just this year, I helped one of my mum's student but I did it through my mum because I know he has feelings for me but he did not communicate it to me through his words because I allowed him to know his boundaries.
He is meant to graduate this year but he carried over another lecturer's course and his family refused to pay his school fees, he tried to struggle to raise his school fees for himself but he had an accident while trying. Though, I did not have much with me, I told my mum to ask him how much remained and I paid it off because there is no harm in helping, why will I watch someone drop out of school when I can try to help? My advice is, a guy can assist such lady if he wants to help her but he should not hurt her by dating her.

Nahunger:
I understand the frustration a man can face due to pressure from work, extended family, peer pressure and other forms of issues which could fall in the range of financial, religious, promiscuous (women) colleagues at work and all that.

It's more disturbing when the man comes home after the days work hoping to find peace only to be greeted with a nagging woman and an ungrateful wife who seizes every opportunity to complain, bring up issues at every slight opportunity.

I do not subscribe to hitting a women but sometimes this cruel and vile rage crawls up to give her a resounding slap, which I strongly over come due to my descipline and principles.

I see some other men flare up in rage and beat their wife this in turn makes their wife fear and respect them unlike what is obtainable with me..

Please guys does hitting your wife when she errs makes one a man who is in total control of his home?

There are ways men can beat their wives without touching them. Women want their husbands love and attention so use psychological means to punish her. First find out if she is angry with you because of something, someone might have given her a wrong information, jealousy can make some women behaviour fun.

If you discover your wife is misbehaving weird for no reason, play some games with her feelings to bring her back to order, you can go and stay in a friend's house for sometimes, she will assume that you are seeing somebody else and she will be calling people to beg you. You can ask the same people she call to advice her on how to be a good wife.

NovesaTillie:
The good book says it is better to live in a house with leaking roof than living with a nag.

Hitting your wife in any form for any reasons makes you an abuser and a violent person. Like how will you even think of hitting her is she your child?
Let me tell you something my father said, women are like children and children are ignorant of many things. The best way to instill discipline and command respect in your home as the man of the house is through psychological means, actions like not eating her food, sleeping on the same bed with her but never having sex with her, silent treatment. These things melt any woman to either show remorse because she doesn't know you next actions or expose her true character and you can end the marriage.




Hitting a woman is like beating a child.
The first time Will definitely scare her, second time she will see you like a beast and the next time it happens she will begin to formulate defence mechanisms. If you are unlucky she will kill you by poisoning.

What you wrote here makes a lot of sense.