₦airaland Forum

Moreign001:
One of the best comments I've seen here. I really appreciate you. Thanks a lot. At times we make decisions not because it's right, but at times because it's good at moment.

You are welcome and thank you.

Moreign001:
Hello Guys, Good Morning and a Happy Sunday to you all.

I don't know how concise i can be, but I will try.

I just graduated last 3 months, with my girlfriend who's now my ex, and she's 26yrs of age while I'm 28yr.

We started dating from our 200level till yesterday, (that's approximately 4yrs and counting...).
We were ideal together, we were well known in school, to an extent where her friends and mine kept asking how? And wishing theirs was like ours..

She promised never to leave, and she please everyday that I should never hurt her. At times we jokingly talked about our future kids which is now a never happening fable.

So after we graduated, she travelled to stay with her aunt, we do check on each other everyday.

Last month.. She called, and said her friend needs an advice, that she and her date just graduated, and that another man is asking her out, and she's thinking of dumping her guy since he's not ready, and that the newly known man is ready to pay for her marriage rites.
Immediately I knew she was the one in the story, because I already had several dreams were she left me. I pretended, I told her to tell her friend to "Follow Her Heart".

Last night she called, and said there's something she wants to tell me, I responded, "Is it what I already know?", she asked what? I told her she's getting married soon, and she said yes! I was speechless. I asked her for how long has this been going on, she said it started when she came to stay with her Aunt. We spoke, and I congratulated her, she started crying, I ended the call, sent her a good luck text.

This morning, she called and said she couldn't sleep last night. I asked her why she did it, why she decided to get married, she said she doesn't know. I asked if she likes the guy, she said yes. She couldn't stop crying and was saying I shouldn't leave her, while she's the one leaving me. I was totally down, but I have crazy friends. I WhatsApp a friend, told him what just happened, his words boosted me up. He said, " Support her, we move, no be God leave you". That was enough, but it's hard, really hard to move on without her, and she said the same thing and kept pleading I shouldn't leave her.
Now I'm asking, if I was the one who had left, what would have been the story? That I used her and dumped her, because this has always been used against the guys.
Why are women in a rush to marry? They don't even add value to themselves, I'm now 80% in agreement that marriage is one of the greatest achievement for a woman, maybe in Nigeria.

If you tell her you are ready to marry her now, she might break up her relationship with the other guy. If you are not ready to marry her now, you can just do introduction with her so that her mind can be at rest and so that her family will not pressure her.

I understand that what she did is hurting you so deeply but I cannot blame the lady, she is twenty-six years, she did not want to take too much risk, it is not like the decision she made is easy for her but she must have taking that decision because she felt she is doing the right thing. It is today will know, we don't know tomorrow, we cannot predict the future, if anything happens tomorrow that eventually obstruct you guys marriage, she has more to lose than you.

She loves you, she is also hurt by this decision but she did what she thinks is right. She made this decision to secure her future. Some people are just judging and blaming her but decisions are not easy to make, I am not saying the person in question made the right decision but we all reason differently so we cannot make the same decisions. This might just be her own weakness so try not to judge her. Sorry about your situation but you can still try to amend things if you want to.

shegxy9:
Honestly wise people are truly here on nairaland and u r one of them... I really appreciate this man!!!

You are welcome and thank you!

shegxy9:
Good day nairalanders!!! I will make this short... Meanwhile my age range is between 26 and 28... There is this girl opposite my office where am working right now... Actually have been seen her around though I really like her because she is decent and beautiful but I didn't talk to her as at that time... Later I didn't see her again... So one fateful day i was gisting with a friend that knows her, so he was like she left she is no longer working opposite my office again... I told the guy to give me her number but he said he needed to ask her first... The next day this guy came to my office and he was like "omo you don Bleep up oo" I was so confused with that statement and I asked why the statement and he told me that the girl said she has been waiting for me to approach her because she knew am crushing on her.. Hmmmm I collected the number and we started chatting but after like a week I now asked her age, lo and behold she told she is 17
and she just gained admission.. Abeg wetin girls of these days dey chop?? She is young but she doesn't look 17 to me... From that moment I changed my mind like I would only take her as my junior sis but she noticed that I changed to her she now told one day that she believes age is just number cos she noticed I have changed towards her and I was like no... Hmmm yesterday she asked me to tell her wat I have not told her before but I refused to tell her... I can't date her, I can be jailed because of that she is not up to 18 yet she is still a kid... What should I do?? Meanwhile she told me that am running away from her and I shouldn't think she is that kind of girl that runs after men that she just likes me and if I care to know she is still a virgin... but I can't still date her!!! And I don't want to pursue her but I want to erase that mentality from her head and she should start seeing me as her big bro... Please no insult because you might not be lucky... If you can't advice me with out insult jump and pass please...

You are definitely a guy with good conscience, another guy might have taking advantage of her. Continue to follow your heart, treat her the way you want your sister and future daughters to be treated. She is still young, she might not understand the meaning of love yet.

What is in the head of most minors these days is the secondary school meaning of love, the soap opera they are watching is getting into their heads, you will see them saying things like, the butterfly in my stomach, the way he looked, the way he smiled, he is tall, he is handsome, he talks like a prince, they don't really know the meaning of love, all they know is fantastic.

You are an adult, please help put her through so that she will not fall prey into the hands of guys that have no conscience. God is giving you the opportunity to save somebody's future. Get closer to her and advice like a brother, she needs you.

wfjimmytobby:
I meet this girl around September we got so close and have always spent on her, going shopping and all that and always tell her how I feel.

She do make demand from me and have always responded..but I suspected that she has lots of suitors trying to get her and even her ex..cos she told me he is trying to get back so I decided to demand for sex so we can get serious but she refuse and said she is not ready and that I should wait but she keeps requesting for assistance and even wants me to get her a new phone cos her previous phone got spoilt and all..

So I need your advice should I wait for her to be ready to give me her body and keep on assisting her or should I just give up on the relationship cos she might actually be trying to scam me or something?

Sex can not sustain a relationship, if you are just hungry for sex, you don't need to stress yourself like this, there are cheap ones out there but if you truly love this lady and want to have a serious relationship with her, then you need to find out how she feels about you, persuade her to speak out her mind and look out for red flags. You need to find out if she still loves her ex, you need to find out if she truly loves you or she is just with you because of the financial assistance you are rendering her.

She doesn't have a right to demand money from you, you need to correct that aspect. Whatever you don't like, you every right to correct it, she agreed to the relationship, she has to be involved, she has to make it work, you cannot be the only one making efforts. For the relationship to work, the two of you have to be on the same page, if you don't like something, speak up. If she truly loves you she will take to correction but please don't treat her like a prostitute, she is your gf, treat her the way you want your sister to be treated, don't persuade her to have sex with you, wait till she is ready.

But when it comes to relationship, we cannot follow our heart alone, we also have to use our head. Your heart can tell you that 1+1=10 but your head will give you the right answer without sugar coating it. These doubts are coming from his head not his heart. In this situation, it will be better for him to follow his head, if you doesn't, he will not be the only one affected because the lady will not just be his wife, she will also be the mother of his children. People have to learn to think about the future before making decisions. Love alone can not sustain a relationship. If the lady is not ready to change, it will be better for him not to marry her.

tiffanyfan:
He won't do that because he loves her....when it comes to love, the heart only want what it wants

If she doesn't love him, then she will no longer be in contact with him because he has nothing to offer her. Let's be considerate, this lady does not have any means of livelihood, she might just be staying with that family in order to survive. I can assure you that if she is a decent lady she will not do anything indecent even though she is poor. If he truly loves her he should go and make money and come back for her. If he is not able to work hard and become independent then he should allow her look for a better guy. I pray God bless him and provide for him so that he can be capable of marrying his gf.

Belafonte:
She's playing the emotional card on you because she's keeping you on ice as mumu husband that she can tell anything and he will believe, also she will manipulate the hell out of you because she knows you love her.

Like others have said, broom her fast. I can't imagine that she will find it easier than the guy's mum to convince him to part with cash. Na Yankee she go learn her own persuasion skills? Oga, no go jonze, you cannot lay claim to community goat without becoming embarrassed in the end

First answer these questions.
How old are you?
Did you accept to date your present bf because you needed a relationship or because you truly loved him?
His your bf totally broke?
Does he have any future plans?

maraellaa:
Hi everyone!!! I cannot even believe a guy can go this far to win a girls heart. Bleep bought me an iPhone and has even bought me 300k human hair and taken me out to different places. Of course I collected it but I Dont know if I should accept him. I have a boyfriend but he is not well to do, what should I do?

I am a lady and I wish my brothers could fall in love with my friends because most of my friends are already like family, so if that happens the family will be more united and there will be no barriers.

If you are not in love, you cannot understand the meaning of love even if somebody explains it to you because the whole explanation will sound crazy to you. Instead of doubting love, pray that God gives you somebody that truly loves you. A lot of men will not realize the importance of love until they are sick or in trouble. If a woman truly loves a man, no matter what befalls him, she will stick to him.
Life is not all about money, every human being needs people that loves and cares about them. Love rarely dies, most times it is respect that dies. It can be hard to differentiate between the two because if a man is rich a lot of people will respect him and be around him, he might assume it is love but a lot of them might not even like him but they will remain with him as long as they are benefiting from him. They will continue to make him feel loved and they will hardly approach him to point out his faults because they are just parasites, they will only leave when their host is broke and has nothing to offer. There are a lot of good ladies out there but most times people misunderstand their intentions.
A middle class lady will not have a problem with marrying a working class or a middle class man because it is easier for them to share responsibilities but if a middle class lady marries a poor man, she has to struggle more because there will be no shared responsibilities, she will have to carry the entire responsibilities herself, she will even carry the guy's responsibilities for him
The fact is, a good relationship have to have benefits, both parties have to benefit from each other. Money is very important in relationship. Both the guy and the lady have to work together to provide for the family, it is important to have a stable source of income before venturing into marriage. God want women to respect their husbands sincerely, even if their husbands are not rich, this is the best way a woman can prove her love to her husband. Don't just assume that everyone is a parasite, you just need to select the good ones.

toujurs:
There is nothing like love, even the ladies that's looking for love, and crying over love,
Doesn't deserve what they are praying for, trust me. They don't know what love is, they are only being selfish. Relationship is business, and ability to compromise and understand each other, or rather accept each other the way you two are. You can't pray to get love, when you can't give love. That's selfishness. Love isn't when you collect money from your boyfriend to cook for him, when he now doesn't have money to give you, your own part of love dies asap

.

This comment is just on point. I know by now they would have made their decision but any other person might be going through a similar thing. It is not a sin for a Christian to marry a Muslim but one has to sit down and think about it properly before making a decision. The person also have to discuss with his/her partner about their future offspring and also be sure the relationship won't affect his/her faith in future.

olanajim:
@poster,
the problem you are having is clearly the handiwork of an outside party. That is why the two of you are in pain. Both of you don't want to let go, love is there, but something is missing. Unless you locate the missing link, the relationship may eventually hit the rock.

Marriage is not built on love alone. You may love one another, if other ingredients are not presence, it may end up in trash can of history. That is why love sometimes go sour.

To be candid, intereligious love affair is a complex issue that require mutual understanding on the part of the couple to succeed. This understanding would have to be built under mutual trust and confidence. Then the couple would have to contend with third parties. Their parents, friends etc. I think what you are passing through is at this stage. Somebody might have convinced her to dump you on account of the religion difference. And that somebody must be someone whose opinion she respected. Now, instead of crying, you must bear this fact in mind and find a way of persuading her to tell you exactly why she want to part from you even though it is painful for her to bear. Assure her of your understanding. If you can persuade her to unburden her heart to you, the job is half done. Why? You would be in a position to know the exact problem.

You have alot to do. As a muslim, your religion does not stop you from marrying a christain lady. The questions are: would you, for the sake of love, let her practice her religion without molestation? Can you guaranttee her freedom to practice whatever religion she choose without coaxing her into accepting yours? I am sure this kind of questions are the likely content of the advices give to her by the "third party".

If she is a strong christain, then you have to address that issues before marriage talks can proceed.

Do that and feed us back on the outcome. Cheer.

Aisha, you are indeed lucky.

Pls, let's not bring up religious agrument. Even as a Christian you have to be careful, there is no need for you to insult anybody's faith, it's a matter of choice, everybody can serve whoever they want to serve.

Isa Masih is not Jesus Christ because the Isa Masih in the quran does not match the description of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. We Christians don't see Our Lord Jesus Christ has our brother or as a prophet, we see Him as our God and our Saviour, we adore Him and worship Him. Our Jesus Christ is not a slave of Allah, our Jesus Christ is God Himself, we believe He is the creator of Heaven and earth and He is the God of all, He is the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, David, Elijah, Daniel and so many others. There is no reason for Christians and Muslims to argue with each other, we can never agree on the same thing, we don't believe in the same God and what is in our Bible is different from what is in the quran

She has no right to pressure you, don't give her the phone if you don't feel like giving her. Infact, you have to put her to test because her actions are suspicious. Stop giving her money and gifts for sometimes, come up with the excuse that you are broke. If she can spend your money with you when you have and still remain with you when you don't have, then she truly loves you.

If you have not been able to prove that she doesn't love you or that she cheated on you, I will not advice you to break up with her because some ladies are just friendly, though their partners might misunderstand them and think they are cheating. Before I started dating, my bf thought I was already in a relationship because guys were always around me, when I told him they were just my causal friends, it was very hard for him to believe until he got to know me better.
With what you wrote here, it seems you truly love her, don't lose the love of your life because of assumption. Don't just assume, find out.

Pjoko:
To keep it short and simple!

I promise to get my girlfriend an iPhone 11 pro max because her phone was bad. Few weeks later I got myself an iPhone 11. She saw the phone and was like oh cool, then I told her I would buy her own any moment but I keep delaying it and teasing her just because I'm still thinking if this my girlfriend who had cheated on me truly worth this phone?!

This girl I'm talking about had cheated on me, I saw her WhatsApp chat telling a guy I love you, and all that. I confronted her and she said she was sorry, that a friend of her gave her number to the guy without telling her and she kept talking and met the guy once at the mall.
I told her I called the guy and he told me he knew the girl had a guy because of her body movement when she visits him. But my girl swear with her mother in the grave that he had never visited this guy at his house, that they only met once at the mall and after then he keeps sending her money while at school.

The truth is that I forgive her because she swear with her mother in the grave. That one really touched me that is why I believe her that she never visited the guy in his house which means they never had sex.

But I said to myself, this relationship will never lead to marriage for her to hangout with a guy while still dating me. I honestly lost the trust I had for this girl. Now I'm planning to breakup with her in a calm and coded way because I don't longer trust her. But because she currently has no phone, I said I will buy her the iPhone and then use distance issue to breakup gradually with her as I'm planning to go on a month trip soon.

But surprisingly, my girl was with me yesterday and I was teasing her that, since she has been using my iPhone 11 and even went home with it for a week, there was no need buying her the iPhone 11 pro max. And she replied:

No, it's the iPhone 11 pro max I want, but you keep delaying this, do you feel pained to buy the phone for me??

This her response didn't go down well with me, I keep wondering why she said if I feel pained to buy her the phone? I told her I'm not happy with such question, that it means if I buy her the phone she won't appreciate it because she would feel like I bought out of pain and she said no that she was sorry, I shouldn't take it that way.

She is 20yrs old.

Please advise me, I love her and care for her that is why I just decided I will get her the phone and break up with her, so it doesn't hurt her too much. But due to this I decided never to get her the phone again by giving her excuses until I travel.

The foundation of their marriage is not solid, it can easily be broken. If he was really looking for true love, he would have not been desperate to the extend of lying to her in order to marry her. If a responsible lady truly loves a guy, she will marry him even if he is not rich, as long as he is comfort and not poor.

Some guys think responsible ladies don't want to marry them because they are poor but that is not true. Why will a guy want to marry if he is not financially ready? If a guy cannot feed himself, how does he want to feed his offspring?

A responsible lady can easily date a poor guy but she might not marry him until he is comfortable because she has to think about their future offspring and not just love. A woman is not only a wife, she is also a mother.

I feel bad for the lady, she had the opportunity to make the right decision but she wasted it. How can she agree to marry somebody that lied to her, how many more lies does she know he has told. A broken courtship or a broken wedding ceremony is far better than a broken marriage.

Djkenny080:
Woman runs away from her wedding venue after realising that her husband-to-be is not a Chevron staff.

Eket Local Government Area of Akwa Ibom State witnessed the hilarious moment a woman took to heels while her wedding ceremony was ongoing. The groom reportedly told the woman, whom he met on social media, that he worked with a giant oil company, Chevron Nigeria Plc. He also posted on his social media accounts that he was a staff of the multinational oil and gas company. However, on the wedding day, the bride discovered that he lied. Immediately, she ran away but could not go far enough as the groom and other guests gave her a hot chase. They successfully persuaded her to return back to the wedding venue.

There was no time I emphasized on virginity. I have always made it clear in my words that non-virgins and virgins are equal.

I am not a Saint, I am not a good person, I might even be an unsympathetic person like you said, so who am I to judge anyone and who is anybody to judge me.
I am anonymous because i do not want my security to be at stake. There is no way I will go on facebook to reveal that I am a virgin.

You don't know me, you might even be better than me but that is not what matters. This is a forum, everybody should be able to put their achievements aside and share their opinions. It does not matter if I am broke or rich, we should all consider ourselves equal. There is no need to feel inferior or superior.

You need to work on yourself, you are insecure. Insecure people are always very defensive. You think lowly of yourself that is why you are attacking the truth. You want everything to be to your advantage but that is not how things work. The truth cannot become a lie to favour you.
There is no point arguing with you, I don't want to add to your problem.

DrFunmisticGlow:
I wish to pop this bubble paradise you call your area but then, it's easier to watch the world burn.

Nairaland is a good sample population as any. Anonymity gives people the avenue to type what is truly in their minds.

I find your arrogance and self righteousness quite entertaining. You will probably flaunt your virginity on facebook when it is time, just like the other one.

I will let you in on a secret. Virginity can be bought. Nothing special.

What I truly find disgusting is your lack of empathy, but then I expect nothing more from you. If I were a guy and all virgins thought like you, I'd rather marry a non virgin.

Bro, thanks for the compliment but I really don't deserve to be complimented because I am one of the imperfect human beings on earth.

The truth is, I cannot be mute when people are ignorant about something, if I don't enlighten other people, it means I am selfish because I am also learning from other's comment.
When we make a comment, somebody is learning one or two things from it, that is why we have to think properly before we comment.

Some people frown at corrections, when you try to correct them they pick up a fight with you but the truth is nobody is above corrections. Anybody can be corrected.

Whenever, somebody corrects me on nairaland, I don't reject the correction as long as I know the person is giving the right correction. I have also learnt things from my argument on this forum. I am the kind person that accept corrections but I don't accept words of ignorance.

Whenever, I am arguing with somebody and the person enlightens me and proves to me that I am wrong, I am always very happy, I use to stop the argument and like the person's comment because I love and respect people that are knowledgeable.

Knowledgeable people, do not only pass on knowledge, they also learn from others because they understand that they are not always right.

Karlifate:
Maybe you're a Sagittarius or a Gemini.

Cc: Powefly

What I have been writing might seem like a lecture note to you but it's not.
Nairaland is not a classroom, so I am not here to answer exam questions, I am here to enlighten people like you.

DrFunmisticGlow:
Finally, someone sees it. It is one thing to cram for exam. It's another thing to understand what you study and apply it.

Rosemont is a naive pickmesha fishing for attention. She/he's pandering big time.

How can you base your argument on nairaland, nairaland is not Nigeria, the guys on nairaland are not even up to 5% of the guys in Nigeria.

As an assertive person, I understand your point of view, there is no reason for us to argue because we did not grow up in the same environment and we are not living in the same environment, it is possible that in your area, guys cannot wait for up to six months for their ladies.

Thank you for the enlightenment, now I understand that guys in some areas like yours, sleep with their ladies on the first day like you said earlier.
Let me also enlighten you, in some areas in Nigeria like my area for instance, guys wait for their ladies and ladies don't just open their legs but they still end up marrying well and they even marry early. They don't wait still 30 years like your friend and some other friends you might have.

If you like your friend, advise her to change her location and also change her friends. So you see, we are both right. We have just learnt something from each other. I will be expecting your thank you.

DrFunmisticGlow:
All this essay you wrote isn't grounded in today's reality. What you typed may look good on paper, but cannot be applied today. Just shows you are Rusty on the dating market. I have a friend older than me who thinks like you. She is 30years old and is yet to be in a relationship,so it's hard. Ask all these men that are seemingly on your side in this thread if they will stick around and wait for a lady for 6-8 months. Infact go through threads in romance land and you will have your answer.

You made a good point but some ladies did not have the privilege to keep their virginity, some would have kept their virginity if they grew up in a secured environment. Being a virgin is not all about personal effort, it is majorly by grace.

nijaomegacode:
If her character is good she would have marry a virgin. She lacks discipline that's why she opened her legs to men who aren't her husband.

It is better for both parties, the guy and the lady to be comfort before starting a relationship but if one party is industrious but does not have enough money. The other party can assist the broke party to be financially independent, if they are really in love with each other. No party should be a totally dependent for the relationship to work smoothly. If your relationship is your source of income, it will be hard for you to see red flags if they exist.

A person's job is the person's source of livelihood. Nobody wants to lose a job or get fired. If your relationship is your job, you will be trying so hard to keep the relationship and following undue principles. For love to exist, you have to have something you are doing to generate income without relying on anybody. It can be a job or a business.

Relationship is not meant to be parasitic. A good relationship will practice give and give, not give and take.

Guy, you are very right but you are not on point, you forgot to add virgins also get married every weekend, when will you learn, do I have to teach you everything. Anyway, let's start the lecture.
There is no stereotype in marriage, anybody can get married, or have you been testing all the ladies that are getting married to know which ones are not virgins. I know it is not written on the forehead but well-informed people know that virgins get married every weekend. I will be expecting a thank you from you for this free lecture.

zexy2030:
Let me tell u why hoes get married every weekend. They choose their sex mate wisely and give him the best sex she can enjoy. She doesnt care if he will dump her or not. All she knows is that she is having fun enjoying his wealth and dick. She worries less about he would be next after her. But unfortunately the guy starts catching feelings then she starts her manipulation, theeby getting married.

Bro, why are you taking this so personal? Let me tell you something, all guys are not the same. There are responsible guys everywhere, I am dating one presently, the important thing is he understands me and I understand him. See bro, another man's food is another man's poison, I can only belong to one guy so I don't need to loved by every guy.
If your virgin girlfriends are allowing you to kiss them and chat dirty with them, it means they are only cultural or religious, they are not God-fearing. You see, in this world we are all different, everyone has their own different views, opinions, mentalities and beliefs, don't just assume everyone is the same.
I hope you learnt something today. Let me give you a take-home assignment, there is a word in the dictionary called assertiveness, you should read on it.

zexy2030:
Then you will be too stupid to date a guy not through your pastors. Going behind your religious leaders monitoring it's already a sin against God. I can't meet you one on one not through the church or through your pastor to talk to you that I'm interested and accept to date each other then you are thinking some other shady request wont follow?

Some of you so called virgins still kiss, romance, and et al. Yet think u r clean?

I'm sorry, you are as filthy as those having sex already.

The holy bible or scripture right said don't give an avenue for your body to be tempted.

He asked for a kiss, you gave. You chat dirty, you don't stop him. Now he asks for sex, you are saying No and it's a distance relationship.

I can never trust you, because u r confused immature and never prepared for marrimage.

So called virgins keep making this mistakes to many guys but end up not being married. The guy goes to marry a hoe. Because his virgin girl freind could kiss, romance, breast sucked but won't allow sex, even without blood test, you are already romancing.

Girl, you are the fool.

Never should you emotionally blackmail any guy because of your foolishneas.

If you don't want sex, let your pastor connect you with him and monitor your discussions. Simple.

A wise lady will not be desperate to that extend of proving her virginity to a guy she wants to marry.
Let me make this personal.
I will only take a virginity test, if a guy doesn't trust me and I really want to prove myself but after the test I will broke up with him because I can never marry a guy that doesn't trust me. If a guy doesn't trust me why does he want to marry him. There is a possibility that he will start suspecting me after marriage.
I would rather marry a guy that is not interested in marrying a virgin than marry a guy that prioritize virginity. I don't want a guy that loves virgins in general, I want a guy that loves me, I want a guy that would have still loved me if I was not a virgin. Personality is the key in relationship not virginity, as long as I and my guy are compatible and our personalities are not clashing we are good to go.
I did not keep my virginity to please any man, I kept it to honour God. After putting enough effort into a relationship if I notice any red flag, I will break that relationship, I don't worship people, love is not by force. There are a lot of men all over the world, I won't force myself on any guy.

zexy2030:
She refused sex, so let's try medical test.

Let's put religion aside and deliberate on this issue with common sense. If a lady opens her legs for a guy she just met without knowing him properly, he will assume she is cheap and he might even think she has opened her legs to several guys.
When a responsible lady meets a guy, the butterfly in her stomach doesn't just start moving, she waits to study him first because she wants to know what he really wants. Not all guys approach a lady because they want to be committed to her, some just want to have fun with her.

A lot of ladies these days don't understand the essence of love that is why some ladies think they can use pregnancy to tie a guy down. They don't understand that baby cannot bound two people together in a relationship, if it is not love, it is not going to work. I know some marriages that are struggling today due to this. Most of these marriages are very toxic, it is either the husband is cheating on his wife or maltreating his wife.
A lady should not marry a man that doesn't love her or she doesn't love even if she is pregnancy if she really wants the best for herself and her offspring. There are single mothers out there that are happily married today, focus more on your happiness, not on the society.

Some women that are saying men are wicked today, don't even have a justified reason to say it, some of them were desperate, they saw the red flags and ignored it, yet they pin it generally on the guys, guys are this, guys are that but guys are our brothers, our uncles, our fathers, they are our relatives.

Is it also fair for a lady to force herself on a guy knowing very well that he doesn't love her?

If a lady does not want to start saying story story, he broke my heart, it is necessary for her to know the guy's intention before she gives him her heart and If she realise that the guy is only interested in having fun with her, she should not try her luck, she should leave the relationship except she is also interested in only having fun with him.
Guys also get emotional that is why some of them react the way they do when they impregnate a lady they don't love, they try to defend themselves because she is not in their future plans, they were just trying to satisfy their sexual urge. A lot of them believe the lady is trying to ruin their lives, even when it is not her fault because some guys don't believe that condoms and pregnancy pills are not 100% sure. That is why a lady has to be sure that a guy is in love with her before she start having sex with him because pregnancy can come unexpectedly.

A responsible lady who cannot wait till marriage, should wait till at least six months before she gives in to a guy's sexual demand. It is rare to see a guy that will wait this long just to get into a lady's pant, if he doesn't have feelings for her, he would have left the relationship. During this courtship a lady must not be rigid, she must put in her best to make the guy fall deeply in love with her and also look out for redflags.
There is a long distance between love and infatuation.

I just gave you worldly impressions without using Biblical principles and it is still pointing to that direction. I hope you are satisfied with it.

DrFunmisticGlow:
story story!

This your advice belongs in the sixties and Is very unrealistic. Is it all these men that ask for sex on the first day that you hide virginity from for 6-8 months ?

Is it everyone's husband that is found being pretentious and self righteous in the church?

You've got a point there.

pansophist:
Generally speaking, if a woman is not on my level in status, I'll never trust her love. Because the chances are high she is with me for what she wants to gain. It also goes both ways. Women usually will not commit to a broke a guy because they know he is less likely to have good options.

It doesn't make sense to always fault a woman for scamming you, without asking yourself why you allowed it to happen. As a man, strategic greed should be integrated as part of your lifestyle. You shouldn't assume parental responsibilities to a adult you're dating. I mean, where did that nonsense comes from? Isn't she equal to you again? A healthy relationship should be between two hustler, not a hustler and a leech.

Sorry about your experience bro, don't be hard on yourself, you are not at fault, you met one of the bad eggs. There are good ladies out there, I hope you come across one eventually.

jaybee345:
My fellow NL people abeg just please as you read my story also remember that I'm human too and vulnerable to mistakes. so yeah I met this

lady online on a group then we started talking.. you know the usual way it is chatting with a Nigerian girl and all.. exchanged pictures and all

that stuff... I actually thought that after a while it will all die down as how its always being chatting with our girls cos many of them are so lazy

when it comes to texting.. so lemme just cut the whole long story short lol.. so yeah we started talking and we hanged out then I asked her out

and she agreed on the spot which I was kinda surprised about becos many people had told me she would never fall for me as some of my

friends would say she's too fine for me or way out of my league and all that stuff... I was actually happy after she said yes because I was able

to prove them all wrong.. not too long after we started dating she told me of how she was unable to pay for something that she didn't have

the money of which I told her not to worry and is sent her 20k.. As time passed she kept billing me and yeah I continued to oblige because I

really loved her and I wanted to do everything in my power to make her happy.. I even paid her tuition fees at some point after she told me of

how she didn't pay it directly to the school after her father sent it to her that she sent it to one of these telegram scammers and got

scammed... Then one day i decided to just play a prank on her that i lost my job at the office and all my i have on my wallet was wiped(i save

my money in my crypto wallet) and asked her to help me out then she was like i should not worry that she would go back to school and talk

to her friends the next day if they could help out and all... she left the next day and up till now I've been unable to reach her.. she's block me

on WhatsApp and all her lines are not going.. broke my heart honestly after all i did for her.. my people these girls are not to be trusted at at

all.. if not for the test i tried on her i wont know shewas just a gold digger.. put your woman to the test to just be sure.. please NL sha take

it easy with your comments

Guys, this information is true, lecturers are underpaid in Federal Universities. My mum was working at a Federal University before she transfered to a State University years back. My mum's friends that are still working at federal universities are complaining bitterly. Why is Nigeria government not considerate? How do they expect lecturers to feed their families especially the male ones?

Don't worry bro, you will definitely find your own lady. A guy does not have to be educated before he is accepted but he has to be financially stable before he decides to get married, I don't mean rich, I mean he has to be comfortable and independent.

GraciousGod190:
Am hurt, 4 years relationship about to go down the drain.first time meeting her parents was last week Sunday, they did welcome me with a smiling face.
After all the introductions and making my intentions known to them I like to marry their daughter.

my girlfriend called me on phone yesterday that she's coming over, which she did and start saying that her elder bro and her mum is kicking against our marriage. i asked why? she said because am an Ssce holder.

yes I might be an Ssce holder, but am self employed doing well for myself (I noi de beg to chop) isn't that enough.

can't an Ssce holder marries a bsc, msc or a phd holder.
why the discrimination towards a brother because of a white man education?
because of a white sheet of paper.

Your own truth is gamophobia is an offensive. Anyway, the good news is my life is in the hands of God and not in your hands. God will determine my fate not you. Mama, thanks for your concern.

chii8:
Exactly......they don't want to hear the truth....it will all end in Shiloh Las Las....

Thanks for understanding, some people think gamophobia is a crime or sin.

Pweetiedude:
Once you acknowledge the fear and realize that it’s within your power to change, you’ve taken the first step.

If you’re in a relationship, be totally honest with that person to avoid leading them on. Let them know that this is about you and your history, and you’re learning how to deal with it.

Explore the reasons behind your fear. Are past events sabotaging your present happiness?

Think about what you want and need in a relationship. You might come to realize that long-term commitment isn’t your cup of tea after all. Or you might discover that despite the fear, that’s exactly what you want.

That realization may be all you need to start overcoming your fear.