₦airaland Forum

Some ladies use virginity as a strategy especially when they have nothing to bring to the table but they do not understand that virginity will not make a guy fall in love with a lady.
A virgin lady should not even disclose to her guy that she is a virgin until after six months or eight months of their courtship, by then she would have discovered if it is true love or just infatuation.
A virgin lady should set aside her virginity and put in effort to make her guy fall in love with her, at first she should allow him assume she is just a responsible lady who is just taking her time to study him not a virgin. The virginity thing should come to him as a surprise. This way, she would know if he loves her or he just wants to marry a virgin.

Candidlady:
Why would a girl want to lie about her virginity?

If a man is caught having an extramarital affair does that mean all men are unfaithful and if a woman marries a man because of money does that mean all women are gold diggers. We did not come from the sky, we have all got family members, if you believe you have good males and females in your family, don't generalise things.
There are good men and good women and there are also bad men and bad women. Every individual be it a male or female have their own individual personality. Another man's food is another's man poison. Let's try to intervene in situations without being bias If I was bias I would be supporting my cousin and not my friend because he is my blood.

Youngpo413:
If he sends money,that means she is enjoying...not enduring,women loves money.

Mine sis, this is not a blaming game but you are still very confused, listen to yourself you are asking me to leave my own fears and focus on my guy's strength. When you have a phobia, it means you are scared of something, that thing doesn't have to be scary for you to be scarce of it, fear can be caused by anything, even trauma can trigger fear. Other people that have been commenting understand what I am saying, there is no point explaining to you, you won't understand, if you want to enlighten yourself read more on phobias.

chii8:
Madam,what is triggering your fear?Quite funny how you can define key words but have refused to agree that you are the reason for your fear(s).....

Madam, phobia is an extreme fear of something, anybody can be afraid of anything, you can be good at something and still be afraid of it.

chii8:
Aunty, you don't get it,do you? you are afraid your partner would be committed in a relationship but are you yourself going to committed in that same relationship.We tend to blame everyone and everything but ourselves....If we as humans works on our weakness.... the world would be a better place.

Please aunty read the post first so you can understand, I started with if you have a recovery story, please share. We are talking about gamophobia, this is not a gender war. Gamophobia is the fear of getting married or the fear of commitment.

chii8:
No, I'm not confused..... you are the one confused about marriage and that's bringing your fears.From your response, the writing is clear.You are afraid of your future partner and what he will bring to the table but you are refusing to accept that you yourself could be the future problem or person to talk apart.....

You are kind of confused, you are probably commenting on the wrong post, I am not blaming any gender or saying I am perfect. I only stated my fears.

chii8:
The earlier you come to agree that you yourself is not perfect,the better.Who told you that the negative changes you are afraid of won't be coming from you.In marriage, you work on your selves to fit in.Women changes faster than men
[quote author=chii8 post=106944546]The earlier you come to agree that you yourself is not perfect,the better.Who told you that the negative changes you are afraid of won't be coming from you.In marriage, you work on your selves to fit in.Women changes faster than men.

.

I can not experience the same thing even if I marry a guy abroad, everybody's situation is different, what I am saying is people cannot be trusted, someone can be nice today and become wicked tomorrow. May God help us.

mariahAngel:
No wonder you're afraid of marriage.
Well, just know that you're not your friend.
Also, learn from her mistakes so that you don't find yourself in a similar situation.
Abroad husbands are mostly illusions.

It is the marriage vows that bound them together not the money, I wish he could divorce her himself so that the sin can be on him.

mariahAngel:
Until he comes to live with her or to take her to wherever he stays, he's defrauding her.
To make matters worse, he sends money to tie her down. Will the useless money keep her company?

She is a Christian sister, she has taking the marriage vows there is no turning back. According to him, he is still interested in her, he speaks to her over the phone and sends money to her monthly.

mariahAngel:
Hey! Hit and run!

And you say they've been married for five years? Five wasted years if you ask me!

I think she should ask that the marriage be annulled because she's wasting away her youth waiting for a runaway husband!
She's been and is being cheated.

You see, this is one of the reasons why ladies should runaway from abroad absentee husbands if you want to enjoy marriage, especially early part of it.

It's been long since he has visited Nigeria

mariahAngel:
Does she have any child with him yet?

No, she doesn't have a child. She got pregnant but she had a miscarriage.

mariahAngel:
Does she have any child with him yet?

I'm just scared because anybody can change. My friend is enduring her marriage, she married my grand aunt son, she was a virgin before her marriage and she has a very good character. My mother was the one that recommended her when my cousin said he needed a wife, he is based in US, they have been married for more than five years now but she is still in Nigeria. The embassy denied her visa two times, I feel something is fishy, it seems he is the one doing things wrongly. If it is just courtship, I would have personally broken it but it is marriage, there is nothing I can do about it, she has to keep enduring.

Pweetiedude:
Once you acknowledge the fear and realize that it’s within your power to change, you’ve taken the first step.

If you’re in a relationship, be totally honest with that person to avoid leading them on. Let them know that this is about you and your history, and you’re learning how to deal with it.

Explore the reasons behind your fear. Are past events sabotaging your present happiness?

Think about what you want and need in a relationship. You might come to realize that long-term commitment isn’t your cup of tea after all. Or you might discover that despite the fear, that’s exactly what you want.

That realization may be all you need to start overcoming your fear.

That is because a lot of people are now preaching condemnation and not repentance, should people go and commit suicide because they made a mistake. There is a big difference between correcting and judging. Our own is to preach and leave the rest to the Holy Spirit, we can not force anybody to repent, if you want to preach to sinners there is a way you have to go about it, if God wanted to force people, he wouldn't have giving us freewill. God does not just want us to fear Him, He wants us to love Him that was why He sent Jesus to world to explain to us that the whole essence of the law is love.
I can follow the law without loving my neighbours but I can not love my neighbours without following the law. Sometimes, you might have to pick between love and law, the mid-wives picked love over law, they spared the lives of the Hebrew baby boys including Moses and lied to the king and God blessed them but a foolish Christian would have obeyed the king and killed the babies. Love is greater than the law. When you force people to do something, you are not instilling any values into them.
For instance,
African mothers are strict but how many of them have been able to force their female children to remain a virgin till their wedding night, the best thing a mother can do is instill values into her kids because when she is not there those values will remain with them.
They would not say mummy can not know, they would say God is watching. That is why it is necessary for parents to spend time with their kids and not be hostile to them. Let your kids learn from other people's story, tell them about people that took the wrong route and ended up failing, they won't want to follow the route that leads to destruction. Share people pregnancy stories with kids, take them to the hospitals, let them see sick people.

Jochabed:
Let's be honest what has Fornication and Adultery added to our world? In our bid to be happy and free( Happiness is free) we are fast loosing our morals.
*Men sleeping with everything and anything likewise women.
* We now have sex with animals
* Incest is in the increase.
* Masturbation is now a norm.
Do we still fear God? Like, think about this, is God happy with our activities? When you correct people this days they tell you " Don't judge, Nobody holy" Where are we headed pls?

Get yourself a pet, start attending a training class to learn a new skill or join a gym or workout class.

MeghaneMorgane:
I am a young lady in my mid 20s. I don’t live with my parents. I live alone because I work in another city different from where my parents live. My problem now is immediately I get back home from work, I begin to feel lonely. Because of this, I like to close late from work just to keep my mind busy. I close early only if I have other errands to run or if I am very tired.

When I get home, I speak with my parents who try their best to keep me company. But there is still lots of time left before I go to bed. In the height of my boredom, I come to nairaland. Then I go to other blogs to read the news. I read all the news blogs I normally follow. I check out my chats on WhatsApp and Telegram. Usually there isn’t anyone chatting with me because everyone is busy with their lives. I go to Youtube which I have become tired of watching. And at some time I’m just bored to my mind. I don’t like to impose myself on anybody and so I only chat with people who come to chat with me including neighbours.

Sometimes I just want someone around that I can talk to but I’m alone by myself. Single people, how do you cope with boredom. I mean single people who are really single not the ones cohabiting or visiting their partners. Some tips will be very helpful right now.

I agree that being a virgin is a good thing and being faithful is very important in marriage but to be honest even non-virgins can decide to be faithful after marriage and marriage is not all about being faithful, there are other important aspects in marriage. If a virgin has nothing to bring to the table than her virginity, then she is not impacting her marriage in any way.
The Bible makes us to understand that there is no first place or last place, everyone is equal, the prodigal son and the dutiful son has the same right in the Lord.
Sometimes, we forget that Jesus died for us 2,000 years ago before we were born and that we are not saved by our works but by His grace. Rather than embracing others and bringing them to the Lord, we tend to judge them and put them down. Read Ephesians 2:9 to have a better understanding.
The virgin birth of Jesus was for a purpose, Mary Magdalene was not a virgin but yet she washed the feet of Jesus with her tears and wiped it with her hair. She was even a close friend of Jesus, she was the first person to see Jesus when He resurrected. We don't have the right to rebuke anyone, we are not God.

jmoore:
When Yahweh sent Jesus Christ to come into this world, he chose a virgin.

God didn't choose a borehole with good character.

It takes good character to remain a virgin till marriage.

Though, it is advisable to abstain from sex in other to honour God but it is good behaviour that can sustain a marriage not virginity.

BrendanJo:
Just being curious to know, because a lot of people now emphasis mostly on once virginity before marriage, while ignoring good decorum. Should girl's virginity be the major emphasis towards a successful marriage or behavior?
I know of someone that the only advice she gives to girls is remain a virgin, which I believe is not bad, but while advising while not talk about the general behaviour and how it will also help in the success of marriage.

If you have a recovery story, please share.
Seven years ago, I met a responsible guy that wanted to marry me, I convinced myself that I was too young. While responsible guys kept showing up I thought I was not ready.
When I started meeting difficult ones, I became so troubled and I started praying so hard for a responsible guy to show up, he finally shows up but now I am beginning to feel so anxious.
My parent opened up their concern about my relationship when I was marking my 26th birthday this month, I couldn't tell them that I am in a relationship, I just told them that I am still searching because I feel they might speed things up.

Not all virgins are God-fearing, some are just simply religious or traditional, that is why it is very important for you to study your partner's personality. Don't marry a lady just because she is a virgin, virginity is not a personality, it is just a choice.

saasala:
Often times on Nairaland when a topic about cheating is discussed, a lot of men are quick to say 'marrying a virgin lady will give you peace of mind 'cos she won't cheat on you.'

Lies!

Why did I say this?

A friend of mine is currently sleeping with a married woman on his street. She got married to her husband as a virgin. In fact during a friendly street football match on a Saturday, my friend confirmed it when the man was boasting to the other men that he indeed met his wife a virgin.

Funnily, it was the woman herself who made several passes at my friend and led him on until coitus started happening between them. Her reason for cheating? She does not know how the d1ck of another man feels like and she feels the need to explore. She needed to experience sex with another person....And of course, she enjoys sex with my friend than she does with her husband.

I had a similar experience, tho mine is a bit different as I did not end up marrying the lady. I deflowered a lady, my ex, we were so much in love and thought we would get married. So as a techy guy, I hacked her WhatsApp via WhatsApp Web and discovered that she was cheating on me with another guy. Wow! I thought she would never cheat since I was the first to do it with her, but she did. And that led to our break up.

So those of you men who got married to a virgin and are excited thinking she would never cheat, don't have hypertension when it finally happens. She might even bring you another man's child.

While chastity is good and virtuous and meeting a lady as a virgin is a thing of pride, it is what every man prays for. But this does not guaranty fidelity. They can sleep with anybody's wife in this life....I mean, anybody.

You can get married to a woman who has had sex with 500 men and she will remain faithful to you forever and might not, and you can marry a virgin and she would cheat on you few years after your wedding and might not. There is no yardstick at all to measure faithfulness.

Women who got married as a virgin might cheat out of curiosity. Women cheat for several reasons, from curiosity, to lack of love and affection from her husband, money and other material things, emotional instability, etc.

If you are broke, bad in bed, or maltreat your wife, she might cheat on you for money or in the course of finding succor due to your lifestyle whether or not you married her as a virgin.

Both Facebook and Instagram are back

SixKeys:
What business have you done before and you swore never to do it again?

Before starting any business I use to do market research. I study the location of my business and know my target customers.

I have tried several businesses and they all worked at first but they ended up collapsing, I imported items from UK and Dubai, I become the major distributor of two well known drink brands in Nigeria, I ventured into shawarma business and others.

I use to develop my business properly before employing people but nobody can be trusted, no matter how well I treat my employees, they end up ruining my business. Now, I've discovered that my business requires my time and attention.

DanielAlhassan:
Sorry for asking this question

Can a Prostitute Become a good wife and Stay Faithful in a relationship?

This is a very touchy subject, if one is not careful, one will end up judging, we are not in this world to scheme each others downfall, the devil is our main enemy. As long as she has genuinely repented and turned away from her evil ways, she can be a good and faithful wife.

Who are we to judge her? He that is without sin, let him cast the first stone. Mary Magdalene, a repentant prostitute was the first person to see Jesus after his resurrection, everyone is equal in the eyes of God.

He that is standing, should not mock those that are falling, remember that our salvation is a gift, we are not saved by our works but by his grace through faith. Jesus died for us 2,000 years ago before we even existed, so why boast of good deeds.

BarrElChapo:
How can it be that you guys would go from friends to proposing ? I thought its friends to dating etc

Friendship doesn't exclude dating. What matters is bettering a friendship, then could lead to becoming partners but not necessarily, as in my case.

Kalatium:
Ladies what was your reason?

Mods pls move this to Fp , lets learn.

Don't propose to a lady until you are sure she wants to be your wife. A friend of mine once asked me how I would feel if he propose to me, I was honest with him, I told him that I only see him as friend and nothing more. We were close, he might have assumed I was interested in him.

Don't guess, find out. You can make your marriage proposal a surprise but don't take your partner completely off guard, don't let your proposal come out of the blue.

Make sure you and your partner are on the same page, you guys must have already discussed issues relating to marriage. That does not mean your marriage proposal will not come as a surprise, to propose find a time and a manner that your partner won't be suspecting.

It is not right for a guy or a lady to demand money while dating. If your partner gives you money without you asking, you are free to accept it or reject it but don't demand money from your partner.

Build yourself, learn to be financially independent. Let your partner know what is going on in your life, if your partner really loves instead of giving you money and encouraging you to be reliant, he/she will support your goals and dreams financially in order to make you financially independent.

If you are married, it is good for you and your partner to split expenses. For respect to exist in a relationship, it is not good for any of the partners to be reliant.

Some are saying marriage is sweet while some are saying marriage is bitter and some are saying marriage is like living in parasite while some are saying marriage is a form of imprisonment.

The power to make a choice is in your hands, choose wisely. Remember, It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, pick the best, don't try to manage.

It is better to be late than sorry. There is no best age for marriage, marriage is not a race, give yourself enough chance for preparation.

This is my advice for you, don't marry someone that is not compatible with you, don't marry out of pity, don't marry a reliability and don't be a reliability.

Not all unmarried people are parasites looking for golds to dig and not all of them are proud people searching for unachievable expectations like some people assumed.

Some unmarried people are just waiting to achieve certain goals before settling down while some haven't found the right partner.

A lot of people that got married out of pressure are regretting it today. Don't let anyone pressure you, don't get married until you are ready. It is better to be single than to be in a bad or unhealthy relationship.

Hurt:
I feel terrible....we met in camp and he told me he was serious with me and wanted to marry me, the problem was he wanted me to visit him more regularly and have intimacy and I refused. I wanted to wait till marriage. Today I saw pictures of his traditional wedding on Facebook to his ex girlfriend.

There is no guarantee that you will receive any physical benefit by being a virgin. If you are keeping your virginity to honour your future partner, you need to take a second thought but if you are keeping it to honour God, it is not going to be easy but you have to stay strong, ask the Holy Spirit to lead and direct you.

Premiumwriter:
What is the end goal of virginity?

First off, people are marrying non-virgins. Non-virgins do succeed in life. And secondly, marrying a virgin today does not guarantee a happy home or a wife that will not cheat on you.

So what is the end goal of virginity that girls must keep upholding it, like it defines every thing they will ever be in life?

True people no longer value virginity today. It's not because the world is no longer decent. Rather it's because virginity is an archaic practice which the world no longer sees its value.

You having not slept with a man before your husband adds nothing special to him in the real sense.

Na why we de advocate make women build better character instead of all these I am decent and stuff.

Being a virgin is a choice, it is not a personality trait. Most virgins keep their virginity to honour God not man because there are actually no physical benefits in being a virgin, like you said it does not guarantee a happy home and it does not guarantee a good husband either.

Love alone can not sustain a relationship. Responsible men and women think about their financial capability before settling down. For you to have financial anxiety it shows you are a responsible man. Don't settle down until you and your partner are comfortable financially, I don't mean you guys have to be rich, I mean the both of you have to be able to survive without depending on third parties.

There are questions you have to ask yourselves before you settle down like when we start having kids how do we take care of them, I'm not saying don't believe in miracles but you still have to make plans ahead of time. The both of you have to set goals and make sure they are achieved before settling down.

Make sure your partner is ready to get involved in the financial aspect of the relationship because you guys need to have a regular source of income in other to sustain the family. It is either the both of you start a small business together or the both of you get a stable job in order to cater for the essential needs of the family.

EditorsPalace:
Can any relationship or marriage last without finance?

How can you ensure that there is a constant flow of finance in your relationship or marriage in order to sustain the love?

... ... .

Over to you!

Drop your constructive comments.

No insults please! No negative comments please!

Don't take it wrongly, it is very normal for a responsible woman to alert her husband if she sense he is about to make a foolish financial decision that will affect their future and financial security.

Learn to always carry your wife along in whatever you are doing, seek her advice and appreciate her involvement and her ideas even when it does not seem to be of use.

Don't allow pride and society beliefs rule your relationship, all that really matters is that both of you do everything possible to reach your goals and aspirations. Don't you guys have future plans?

Be wise, stop this cat and mouse play, the future is fast approaching. This is the time for you to make the right decisions, whatever decisions you make today might determine what your life will be like in the next twenty years.

OfeAchi:
BACKGROUND:

I had a decent job before I met her and I was responsible for all the decisions I took, which mostly led to favourable outcomes.
However when I met her and began a relationship, I wasn't having the freedom I needed. Any decision I wanted to take without her authorization always ended badly. For example there was a period I wanted to jointly rent an apartment with a male friend of mine. She strongly opposed this but I still went ahead to pay rent. Unfortunately for me, within four months my friend had some issues with landlord and we were both evicted from the apartment. (although I got compensated)

Another instance was when I got paid some bonuses from company and decided to invest in some crypto projects during their ICOs (in 2017). I did some market analysis of these crypto projects before my decision to invest, only for her to advice me against it. She said we should instead, use the money to start farming. I didn't listen to her and went ahead to invest. THE RESULT: the investment that was supposed to take me to the moon now became more worthless than tissue paper! I shed tears because of this.

I now decided to get rid of her, but all plans of mine proved abortive. The more I tried to get her out of my life, the more we were brought together. Can you believe that the day I finally proposed to her was the very same day I tried to make out with an old girlfriend?

A friend of mine went to consult an ifa priest, who told him that my fiance has a cloud of good fortunes around her. But I don't believe in those spiritual mumbo-jumbos! I was determined to leave her. This made me begin applying for jobs in other states and towns, but nothing came forth. I even went for interview/test but didn't scale through. Some weeks later, she told me that she wasn't in support of me getting job in another town (she says she was scared of losing me).

Did you know? the time I decided to remove the thoughts of leaving her from mind and fully accept her into my life, was the time that I finally got a better job in another city!

MARRIAGE
We got married in 2019 and I was of the mindset that since she may be an ogbanje, therefore things would work in my favour and I would become a millionaire very quickly, but that's not the case.

Since marriage, any decision I take without her approval always leads to disaster!
I wanted to invest in a partnership deal and told her about it but she disapproved and said I should save the money instead. I went ahead to invest and I lost 400k! Same for other decisions in the house, the outcome was always negative whenever I don't heed her advice.

I hate all this! I'm a full grown man. Why should my life be based on the decisions of a woman? I feel like I'm no longer in control of my life.
I'm about to take a car loan from my company in order to escape this constant public commute and trekking but she has vehemently disapproved, that I should instead save for another year or two before buying car. But I still won't listen to her! If the loan ends in a disaster, I have decided that I would abandon this marriage and relocate to another country. A country where voodoo and religious mumbo-jumbo do not exist, so that I can be in full control of my life!

.......PS: we have a year old baby girl. Maybe I could be sending monthly upkeep from this new country I intend to relocate to.

Able readers, is my final decision a good one?

You are reasonable

oneolajire:
Premarital sex, extramarital sex, illicit sex etc
are overrated.

People talk and live as if one cannot live successfully without illicit sex.

I am not created to have sex like animals. I am created to worship and glorify God.

Only sex in marriage glorifies God. I waited, I deflowered my wife and she deflowered me after wedding.

We are both university graduates, I mingle slot with people of both sexes. I chose to see all ladies as my sisters or mother's unless she is married to me.

Your upbringing, spiritual beliefs and your lifestyle determines what you will do.


I follow my Jesus' teachings and they help alot. I motivate, I am into engineering, so I travel a lot, got several opportunities for anyhow sex, but they don't still worth it. When I see illicit sex hyped, I relegate it spiritually and mentally.

Family values are crumbling today because some see no reason for marriage as they can have sex whenever they want.

See baby mamas and baby papas all around us, just because the have sex without thinking of the consequences. See prostitution, go to Enerhen junction in Warri, and see 12- 14 year old girls at night calling you for one night stand, for as low as 500 naira.

Child molestation is on the increase, homosexuality is gradually incresing as a result of illicit sex. Abortions have taken away the wombs of several ladies for men that will not marry them.

Your dressing, perspective, association and lifestyle as a lot to say about the kind of prospective lover that will come your way.
P

Those who marry as virgins have lowest rate of divorce, marriage violence, etc. They face challenges in marriage, yet they are able to forge ahead.

Good point

naijapips04:
Let's even demonstrate this.

Girl: what do you like about me?
Guy: I like your big breast and big nyash.

Guy you are not a pervert. Give yourself some respect, dammit!